A/N: I decided to consolidate some of my CoLu Week stories from the past few years into their own separate stories for the readers who like to read them without searching through everything. Because several of the 2015 stories were continued in 2016 (and some will be continued with 2017's CoLu Week), it makes more sense to have them separate, especially since I know a good number of you like re-reading them.

I have gone through this and edited it. Because when I first wrote this, it was only a few months after I'd started writing. Hopefully you enjoy the changes that were made. They're not major, but just revision things that I see now that should have been handled before.

Because of the length of this story in particular, I'm going to break it up into a couple chapters just for the 2015 entry, and then some more chapters for the 2016 entry.

There is a continuation of this story for CoLu Week 2017, and that'll be posted on the proper day during that event in this story… Assuming I've actually gotten all of the chapters for 2015/2016 edited and posted.

I hope you enjoy it!

2015 - Fairy Tale, Part 1

Beauty and the Beast

Lucy groaned when early morning sunlight started shining in her tent as the flap was pulled back. The bright, and far too cheery, voice of Meredy filled the tent just before her blanket was ripped from her. "Why?" Lucy groaned, struggling to pull the blanket back over her.

"Aw, c'mon, Lucy!" Meredy giggled as she pounced on the blonde. "It's time for breakfast."

"No… Time for sleep… Five more minutes, Natsu…" Lucy yawned and rolled over, snuggling into the warmth that was occupying her bed.

Meredy's smile faded in an instant. It was no secret just how hard Lucy had taken the disbanding of her guild, or essentially being left behind by everyone she loved as they scattered to the winds. It had been only a few months since Crime Sorciere had pulled the members of the Oracion Seis into their ranks, but Lucy herself had only joined the day before.

More like the previous night.

She'd accidentally stumbled on their location in the woods while Cobra was off doing recon for Jellal—which resulted in the poor blonde having attacks thrown at her from every direction, and the six present members of their little guild being nearly sliced in half by water. Still, Lucy was an absolute sweetheart, and she had felt obligated to help them clean up their camp after her attack had flooded the place.

After the cleanup was complete, Jellal had asked if she wanted to join, and she had surprisingly agreed.

"Hurry the fuck up in there!" Cobra shouted. Honestly, he didn't think he would be able to handle the blonde's fucked up dreams for much longer. Everything she thought about ended up becoming a literal interpretation of itself.

The phrase 'batting eyelashes,' for example, provided the mental picture of a single enormous eyeball with baseball bats for eyelashes. That shifted into baseball bats with black leathery wings. And finally the little blonde running up to a large capital 'I' and hitting the eyelashes with a winged baseball bat, causing them to flutter into the air only to turn into leather whips and snakes... All while screaming 'Aye!' She was fucking insane, and that was saying something if it was coming from him.

"Lucy," Meredy said gently. "Breakfast is ready. You've gotta get up and pack up. We'll be leaving soon."

"Mmm… fine," Lucy huffed. She rubbed her bleary eyes and slowly opened them only to catch a flash of pink hair.

Jellal's eyes went wide as a loud shriek pierced the air, but before he could even move to find out what was going on, Meredy flew backwards out of Lucy's tent. She landed with a far too loud thud on the ground, even bouncing a few times, and he turned to look at the tent she had been forcibly removed from only to see Lucy walking out with her whip in hand and a fierce scowl on her usually cheery face.

"Natsu I-Wish-You-Had-A-Middle-Name Dragneel!" Lucy shouted as she stomped over to the pink-haired blob on the ground, raising her whip into the air. "How many times to I have to tell you not to crawl into my..."

Lucy froze and blinked repeatedly when she heard a feminine groan, clearing the last of the sleep from her eyes. Her arm fell to her side when recognition finally hit her as Meredy shakily sat up.

"Well, shit… Sorry, Meredy! All I could see was pink hair…"

Meredy coughed as Angel came over to help her stand up. "It's alright," she rasped as she put a hand to her ribs. "Maybe we'll have Angel wake you up in the morning… I don't want to get kicked again…"

"Blondie, you might wanna put some clothes on," Cobra chuckled, giving the barely dressed blonde a feral grin as he looked over her body. "Pretty sure you're about to break Midnight."

Lucy frowned and looked down, only to blanch when she remembered only going to sleep in a bra and panties the night before because it was way too damn hot, and she'd already sweat through the clothing she'd been planning to wear to bed. Of course, it had to be her crimson lace set with a matching pair of nearly see-through boyshorts.

Throwing her hands up in the air in defeat, and feeling her face turning a bright shade of red, Lucy sighed and walked back towards her tent. When Midnight choked on the food he was eating, and Cobra started cackling, she could only find it in herself to roll her eyes.

"I give up. It's inevitable for everyone I meet to see my underwear. Don't worry, guys! I'm sure you'll be seeing more of it at some point!" She sighed again and muttered under her breath, "Honestly, why do I even bother with clothing anymore?"

"If it makes you feel better, I think it looks really nice!" Meredy shouted when the tent flap closed behind Lucy. She couldn't help but giggle when a hardly annoyed "Not helping!" came shooting back at her from the blonde.

When Midnight finally stopped coughing, Cobra watched a small bit of food fly from between his black-painted lips and into their morning fire. "You gonna live?" he asked, looking back at the Reflector mage. "Because I can just finish you off… Just sayin'."

"Asshole," Midnight muttered. "I wasn't staring at—"

"Your nose is bleeding," Angel sighed.

"Totally unrelated," Midnight said as he quickly wiped at his nose.

"You've got a boner," Racer added with a smirk.

"Oh YEAH!" Hoteye agreed.

"I just woke up," Midnight muttered.

"Aww, it's okay," Meredy chimed in. "Lucy's really pretty. I'm sure you two would make beautiful babies."

"Yes, her lingerie is the same color as your eyes," Angel supplied. She laughed when Midnight's eyes widened and a fountain of fresh blood started pouring from his nose when he obviously pictured what Lucy had been wearing.

"Oh, see?" Meredy clapped and wriggled in her seat. "A perfect match! I think I'll call you MidLu!"

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Cobra groaned. His head dropped to his hands when Midnight crumpled to the ground. "Here we go again."

"Wait," Meredy said, frowning. "You're saying we're going to go undercover to a costume party? How exactly does that match up with finding Zeref's—"

"We have reason to believe a dark guild will be attacking the partygoers," Jellal answered. "I don't fully understand the reasoning behind it, but my sources are reliable."

"Meaning you got a call from that hammer-wielding psychopath," Cobra grumbled.

"At any rate," Jellal continued a little louder than before, "We will have two people inside, under the guise as guests, and the rest of us will scan the perimeter. Racer, I'm sure you'll be able to sneak inside unnoticed, so you can act as a liaison in case the culprits are already inside to launch an attack. At your signal, we'll rush in and finish them off, then see if we can't get any information out of them."

"How are we deciding who's going in?" Angel asked.

"Draw straws?" Meredy supplied with a shrug.

Lucy frowned and looked over at Jellal. "What kind of party did you say it was?"

"A costume pa—"

"No," Lucy laughed. "I mean, what's the name of the function?"

"I'm… not entirely sure, to be honest. Erza didn't mention a name."

"Who's throwing the party?"

"Lord Mason Aurus," Jellal said. Lucy deflated right before his very eyes, her skin taking on a slightly green hue, and he found himself frowning in confusion.

"Wait, it's a high society party?" Angel shouted. "How the hell are we supposed to even get in there?! Those things are always by invitation only."

Jellal let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I have no idea, Angel. I just know that we need to have people inside."

Lucy could feel her stomach churning at the thought of what she was going to do. She didn't notice the way Cobra's eye shot over to her while he raised an intrigued eyebrow, and took a deep breath. Then another. "Give me a minute… I'll get an invitation…"

She really didn't want it to work, and it was entirely likely that it would just be a waste of time. But she had to try. Even if it was a huge hit to her pride.

Seven sets of eyes shot over to the blonde, watching as she pulled a lacrima from her bag while they all sat around the recently doused fire. "How are you going to do that?" Meredy asked.

Lucy wiped her face clean with a small cloth, then pinched her cheeks to give them a slightly pink hue. As she was adjusting her hair, pulling it up and away from her face into a quick updo, she said, "He was one of the nasty bastards that was trying to marry me a few years back." She leaned forward in her seat and adjusted the already low cut to her top and highlighting her cleavage. "My dad turned down his proposal at the time, but he's got a thing for blondes. You'll see…"

With that she sent a short burst of magic into the lacrima and bit her lips slightly to deepen the pink hue to them.

'Please don't work. Please don't work. Oh my god, I can't believe I'm doing this…'

Everyone sat in silence while Lucy's back suddenly went ramrod straight, a subdued and demure smile sitting on her lips. When the call was answered, she fluttered her eyelashes slightly, her normally vibrant brown eyes seeming much duller in comparison.

"That... is the creepiest thing I've ever seen in my life," Midnight whispered.

"Just wait," Cobra whispered back. "She's like a fucking card catalogue. Running through everything she learned when she was a kid. It's about to get a whole lot fucking creepier."

A soft giggle left Lucy's lips when the aged face of Lord Aurus appeared on the screen, seemingly bored until he realized who was on the line. "Good morning, Lord Aurus," she said softly, forcing her flush on her cheeks to deepen while she glanced away from the lacrima.

"Lucy Heartfilia," came the disembodied baritone voice. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I have been informed that you are holding a ball tomorrow night."

A throaty laugh sounded through the camp from the orb in her hands. "I am, my dear. Still getting right to the point with you, I see."

Lucy bowed her head slightly. "Yes, sir. I see no point in wasting your valuable time, especially when you have every right not to grant my request."

'Please don't work… Turn it down… Please don't work…'

"And just what might that request be? I am a married man, you know."

"Yes, sir." Lucy let out another soft giggle, internally retching over how she was acting. "In truth, I am working for a large real estate company in Crocus, and they have asked if I would be willing to attend your ball for networking purposes. They believe that the only person suited for attending would be someone with the same upbringing as your other guests, as they do not wish for their company to be misrepresented."

She watched as he put a finger to his chin, turning away for a moment to look at something on his desk.

"They personally did not believe that I would be able to garner such favor from you, sir," she continued. "I have already assured them that you are possibly the most generous and charitable of those in high society, and they have agreed that any future business that is propagated from my interactions with your guests will result in a percentage of the revenue being sent to your estate."

"How much of a percentage, Miss Heartfilia?"

She adjusted the lacrima slightly so he could get a better view of her chest, watching as his eyes glazed over slightly. "I was told fifteen percent, sir," she rasped. It was time to throw in the stomach-churning seduction technique that she knew would work on him. It never worked on anyone else when she was in Fairy Tail, but with this creep it was a surefire success. When his brow raised, his face hardening at such a low percentage, Lucy glanced away. "It is not my place to handle such details, but I'm sure someone as..." Her eyes returned to the slightly wrinkled face on the lacrima. "Influential and powerful, and with such a... Brobdingnagian presence as yourself could easily increase that percentage to a more suitable figure."

"I do enjoy suitable figures, Miss Heartfilia," he replied as he eyed her chest longingly. "The larger and more rounded, the better."

Lucy smiled and looked away bashfully, a small giggle bubbling up that was thick with bile. "Oh, I hoped you would see it that way, sir. Do we have a deal?"

Damnit all to hell, it was going to work.

There was a long pause. "Very well, Miss Heartfilia. It will be most enjoyable to have you in attendance at my annual Fairy Tale Ball. I suppose you will be bringing a guest with you?"

"Of course, sir. Women should never be left unattended. I will have someone with me to ensure my protection at all times. Thank you for your concern."

"I have added you and a guest to the list, my dear. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow night."

With another small bow of her head, Lucy watched as the lacrima cut off, then blew out a heavy sigh and fell into a much more comfortable position. "It's done. Also, I might vomit." She grimaced when her stomach roiled uncomfortably, then curled forward so her head sat between her knees. When she was met with only silence, Lucy slowly turned to see everyone staring at her with wide eyes—with the exception of Cobra, who was just staring at her in general. "… What?"

"That was some of the most pathetic, chauvinistic bullshit I've ever seen," Angel said with a sneer. "Never left unattended? Really?"

"Yeah," Meredy said. "And how did you switch your whole personality like that?"

Lucy gave a weak shrug that was more a twitch in her shoulder than anything else. "It's how I was raised to act. And the reason I left that all behind."

"And you were able to get him to agree, how exactly?" Jellal asked.

"Because he's a pompous ass that likes having his ego about his 'philanthropic nature' stroked. Also, I told him that he'd be getting a cut of any pay that came from my being at his party..."

"Blondie, you used a euphemism for him having a huge dick," Cobra sneered. "Brobdingnagian? Really? That guy sounded fucking old as hell."

Lucy raised an eyebrow at that. There weren't many people that actually knew that word in the first place, and how she had been forcing herself to purr the syllables only heightened the emphasis of her innuendo so Lord Aurus would get it. The fact that Cobra of all people picked that out was actually a pleasant surprise. "I'm fully aware of that, which is why I'm getting ready to upchuck everywhere... Luckily, we now have an invitation for myself plus one other person, and we know that the particular theme for the party is a fairy tale."

While the others continued questioning Lucy about the multiple personality shit she'd just pulled, Cobra was simply watching her.

He'd been listening in the entire time she was on that call, and the sheer amount of obscenities that were running through her head had actually left him mildly impressed. Add onto that the fact that her mind was set up in the most systematic filing system he'd ever encountered, with rows upon rows of information all neatly tucked away until she needed to access them, and he was finding himself just a little more intrigued. Well, that was just a section of the way her mind worked.

It seemed the newest addition to their little group of fucked up-ness was someone he would be keeping an eye on, if for no other reason than to block out the sheer amount of crazy that perpetrated the minds of the rest of the group. At least Lucy's crazy shit was neatly cordoned off from her sane shit, which meant Cobra could just nestle himself on that filing system side and relax.

"Well, if it has to be a man that accompanies you," Hoteye said with a wide grin, "I would love to take on that role. Oh YE—"

Lucy put up a hand and scowled at him. "Oh no, Koolaid Man. Oh no!"

The group suddenly went dead silent again, all of them gaping at the blonde. She had only joined them the day prior, so they couldn't understand just how she had come to give Hoteye the exact same nickname that had been bestowed on him by Cobra for the last few months.

'If I hear another 'Oh yeah' I'm getting a boulder and smashing his face to pieces, then making him into costume jewelry...'

After a pregnant silence, Angel cleared her throat. "I feel like you and Cobra would be a good match to work together..."

Cobra barely suppressed the amused smirk that wanted to cross his face. The little blonde was definitely becoming more interesting by the second. When he considered having to spend any amount of time with her for the upcoming mission, looking over her curves once more and recalling just what she had looked like in only her lingerie, all he could think was, 'Oh… yeah…'

As Meredy began to spiral out of control, just as Mira had done countless times at the bar when she found a new ship she loved, Racer simply whispered, "… Wow…"

Midnight snorted and suddenly opened his eyes, looking around in confusion at the odd behavior of his guild mates. "What did I miss?"

"Angel, you might have a point," Jellal said. He had to try and keep some semblance of order. "Although I'm not sure if Cobra would be the best option…"

"Well, Hoteye is out of the question," Angel said. "Midnight is constantly dozing off, and I'm pretty sure no one will exactly approve of his love of makeup... Or those pesky nosebleeds." She grinned when Midnight shot her a sleepy glare before falling asleep again. "Racer already has a job for the mission, and you are far too recognizable. Most of the people there will know exactly who you are with just a glance."

"Angel has a point, Jellal," Lucy said. "Cobra, while also memorable based on his appearance, isn't nearly as well-known as you are since he wasn't a member of the Council, or one of the Ten Wizard Saints. These parties call for men who can easily dominate a conversation, assert their authority, and have the ability to hold their tongue when the occasion calls for it."

"And his magic would give him the upper hand when talking to anyone there," Jellal sighed. "He'll know just what to say and what not to say based on what's going on in their heads."

"Then again, he's a prickly bastard… So…" Lucy paused and gave Cobra a critical eye, then sighed and shook her head. "He's just as likely to say the wrong thing just to piss someone off…"

Cobra grinned proudly and said, "Fucking right I am, Blondie."

"This is going to be a disaster," Jellal muttered to himself when Lucy and Cobra started arguing with each other. "A complete disaster…"

Twenty minutes went by before the tongue lashings between the Celestial mage and Poison Slayer finally came to a draw—something that had been the cause of both great concern and surprise for the other mages present.

Meredy had, of course, been over the moon at how she perceived the two to be getting along. Hoteye was still sulking slightly at Lucy's quick dismissal of himself as a potential candidate, and the fact that yet another person had called him that horrendous nickname—one whose origin he was still unclear on. Midnight had actually been able to stay awake to watch the show, sleepily commenting on their lack of popcorn. Jellal and Racer were completely confused as to just how Lucy hadn't managed to get herself attacked by Cobra when she repeatedly called his manhood into question—from his ability to please a woman to commenting on his possible preference for bestiality of the slithering variety. Angel was pleasantly surprised that Lucy was holding her own against him, and had quickly come to appreciate the sharp tongue her former enemy possessed.

"So, now that that's finished…" Jellal carefully eyed the two silent mages that were glaring at each other, sitting side-by-side on a log around the long-dead fire pit. "We'll need to decide what their costumes will be."

"And how we're going to get anything with less than a day's notice," Meredy added.

"In their sizes," Racer sighed.

"That also looks expensive enough for them to fit in with everyone else there," Angel finished with a huff.

"Couldn't we just go to some costume shop in a nearby town?"

"No, that wouldn't work. Maybe finding a seamstress?"

"For two outfits in a single day? Are you high?"

Lucy smiled and settled her chin in her hands, her elbows resting on her knees, as she watched everyone else start trying to figure out how they were going to go about getting everything that was needed. She knew that if she tried to throw in any input right then, no one would hear her. Especially since everyone else—herself, Cobra, and a slumbering Midnight excluded—was in the process of shouting over one another.

She had an idea, but it was a little weird. Besides, she wasn't used to actually feeling all that useful in a group, so she wasn't sure if it was alright to throw out another opinion. It wasn't like she had all the answers all the time. Things just really seemed to be in her favor that day. Sort of.

Cobra chuckled when he heard that Lucy had already figured out how to handle the predicament of finding costumes, and that she was simply enjoying the sight of everyone else huddled together. "Good choice," he whispered, smirking when she gave him a sideways glance. "Angel's about to start a fight with Jellal."

Lucy looked back over to the group, and threw a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggling fit when Angel quite literally tackled Jellal to the ground, shouting that he was an absolute idiot with no sense of style. Another soft chuckle drew her attention back to the one-eyed mage next to her. "Good call," she whispered back. "How about a play-by-play?"

Cobra raised his eyebrow at her, then leaned back on his hands with a small quirk to the corner of his lips. "Meredy's gonna jump in, dragging Hoteye down with her." He paused as Lucy watched the fight playing out exactly as he'd said, turning to look back at the dogpile on the ground with a shake of his head. "They all agree that Angel has a point, but no one's willing to admit it."

"Which is?"

"We're fucked," Cobra answered.

A shriek sounded out from somewhere in the pile, and Lucy smiled while she watched all of the flailing limbs. "Kinda reminds me of Fairy Tail," she said. "Fights like this used to break out all the time, just on a much larger scale since everyone decided to get in on the action."

"Can't see your dainty ass jumping in on that shit."

"I never did, intentionally," she said. "Usually I would come in and get dragged into it, then claw my way out as quickly as possible."

"Or fly," Cobra chuckled.

"Shut up. Ass…" The pair sat in silence for a few more minutes until the fight finally ended with Jellal flying through the air and landing on the ground next to Lucy with a loud grunt. She rolled her eyes and helped him stand up. "I've got an idea," she whispered, looking into his deep brown eyes. "It might not work though, but I can at least ask."

She pulled out Virgo's key and summoned her loyal maid spirit, a large smile on her face when Virgo rose from her deep bow.

"Punishment, Princess?"

'Oh, please tell me she'll say yes today. Princess can bend me over that log and flog me. And people would be watching her do it! It would be so embarrassing to have people watch my punishment…'

Cobra well and truly blanched while he looked at the crazed pink-haired maid. He hadn't been trying to listen in on her, and hadn't even realized it was possible since he'd never heard any of Angel's spirits years ago. He was definitely wishing those particular thoughts had stayed buried in Virgo's head, instead of filtering into his in full color images.

'Stars, what I wouldn't give to have her tie me up and pour candle wax all over me. Yes, I definitely need punishment. I must not have arrived quickly enough, so it would be justified. And she could use her whip! Oh, her whip would be wonderful! She can beat the dirty thoughts right out of me. Please, Princess… Please say yes!'

The spirit actually wanted punishment. Like, no bullshit… She wanted Lucy to tie her ass down and whip the shit out of her. He chanced a glance at Lucy, trying to figure out how he had missed the ability for something so fucking twisted inside of her, and only found himself more confused.

'Always… Every time… Without fail. One time! I did it one time because it was a special occasion for her, and I wanted to do something nice! Okay, afterwards was hot as hell… And I guess I liked seeing her crawling naked across the floor… And holy shit, is her tongue amazing… But, that's not the point! I'm not doing it!'

Cobra blinked slowly, keeping his face devoid of any emotion that would give away his suddenly intense curiosity and—dare he say, arousal—at the glimmer of a memory from Lucy where she had apparently decided to experiment a little with another woman. Just the mention of her beating Virgo with anything made him sick to his stomach, but from what he could tell from digging a little deeper, it was only the maid getting bent over a coffee table and spanked. Nothing too perverse, and definitely not something he hadn't done himself while in the heat of the moment with a woman.

"No, Virgo. Not today," Lucy giggled, watching the excited twinkle leave Virgo's eyes. "I do need your help with a mission though. Cobra and I will be going undercover to a costume party. Do you think you'd be able to help us out?"

"Of course, Princess."

"Your spirits call you Princess?" Angel chuckled. "I thought you were all about loving them to pieces, and that they're your friends."

Virgo turned slowly and looked over the white-haired mage for a moment. "Princess refuses to let her spirits call her 'Master'. She does not necessarily like the current name we use for her, but she agrees to it, to make us happy. Which is yet another reason for her to be called a princess; she is kind and sweet, and cares for us deeply."

'Although, I really did enjoy getting to call her Mistress Lucy that day…'

She paused and turned back to Lucy. "Princess, are you in need of assistance punishing the woman that harmed the others?"

Lucy's eyes widened, her jaw dropping in complete shock as she slowly shook her head. "Uh… No? Angel and I are in the same guild now, Virgo. We're friends. She's changed since she hurt Scorpio, Aries, and Gemini."

"How can you be so sure, Princess?"

"I can just tell," Lucy said with a sweet smile as she looked over at the stunned expression on Angel's face. "I'll talk with Loke about it later on, and he can decide for himself how we'll talk to the others about it, alright?"

Virgo bowed again. "Yes, Princess. Feel free to punish me for speaking out of turn."

Midnight slowly opened his eyes and frowned when he saw a pair of slender legs in front of him. He followed his way up only to get a fully uninhibited view of black leather boyshorts tightly hugging a woman's crotch, surrounded by white tulle, while Virgo bowed in front of him.

Racer chuckled and elbowed Hoteye, then nodded in the direction of the Reflector mage on the ground. "He's got a nosebleed again," he whispered.

Lucy pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. "That's alright, Virgo. I'm not going to punish you."

"Very well."

"Alright," Lucy said, clapping her hands together in determination. "We need to first figure out what the costumes are going to be, then we'll go from there."

"Well, it's a fairy tale theme," Meredy said. "So, what kinds of characters could we pull from those?"

"Aladdin and Jasmine."

"No," Cobra spat.

"Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White."

"Mm, no," Lucy said. "There will probably be a lot of those."

"Hansel and Gretel?"

"The Princess and the Pea."

"Thumbelina."

"Little Red Riding Hood!"

"The Snow Queen?"

"Robin Hood!"

Time after time, the ideas were shot down for one reason or another by either Cobra, Lucy, or both. Simultaneously. Along with a swift Lucy Kick to Midnight's head for suggesting the Three Little Pigs.

"What about Peter Pan and Tinkerbell?" Racer asked. He collapsed to the ground when Cobra delivered his response in the form of a fist to his gut.

"Oh! That could work!" Meredy giggled as she hid behind Jellal. "You've got pointy ears already!"

"I'm not wearing fucking tights, you little witch," Cobra growled. "Stop picturing it, or I'm going to poison you."

Just as Meredy started laughing even louder, and Cobra lunged forward to make a grab at her, Virgo grabbed the back of his collar and pulled him back to his previous position next to Lucy. "Might I make a suggestion, Princess?"

"Let go of me, or I'll—" Cobra started to say, only to suddenly stop when he heard a violent roar from Lucy's soul.

"Finish that sentence," Lucy hissed, "And I'll castrate you, Cobra. No one threatens my spirits. Ever. Guild mate or not, I won't stand for it."

The group collectively shivered, a single name coming to mind for Jellal that he'd heard Erza mention before: Scary Lucy. It was apparently terrifying enough of a personality change to even cause Erza to quake in fear from what he'd heard, and it seemed that was also the case for Cobra. Well, maybe not quaking, but it definitely made him shut up. That was different.

Cobra heard just how serious Lucy was about that castration shit, and that she was willing to enlist the help of all of her spirits to get the job done, so he wisely gave her a short nod. Anyone else in the group wouldn't have been able to evoke even the slightest bit of fear in him, because no matter what they threatened each other with, Cobra was the only one that was actually willing to follow through on his threats of death and dismemberment.

As it turned out, Lucy was the same way deep down. She just had extremely specific stipulations for the level of depravity that Cobra enjoyed thinking about on a daily basis.

"Good," Lucy said. She turned to look up at Virgo. "You were saying, Virgo?"

"Beauty and the Beast," Virgo said as she turned to look at the rest of the group. "It suits them. Princess loves books fiercely and a yellow-gold gown would suit her well. Cobra..."

A bright peal of laughter left Lucy as she doubled over. "Virgo! You're a genius! Cobra's an asshole with pointy ears, just like the Beast! He's got tan skin, the Beast has brown fur. Did I mention he's an asshole?"

Cobra's eye narrowed at the giggling blonde, and he reached a hand out to roughly push her psychotic ass on the ground. Only for her to start laughing harder. "Fuck you too, Blondie," he growled.

"See?! Insufferable… Grumpy… Curmudgeony… Asshole!" Lucy bellowed between laughs.

Meredy threw a hand over her mouth to stifle her own laughter, as did Angel, but they both bit their lips when Cobra turned his malicious glare to them.

"I was going to say he would be best suited with a blue overcoat, as it would complement both his complexion and hair color," Virgo replied solemnly. "But, yes Princess. That is also an appropriate assessment. He should do well staying in character."

"I…" Cobra frowned at Virgo over his shoulder. "Don't know how to take that."

"It's a compliment, Cobra," Midnight yawned. "She said… You look good in blue…" Another long yawn. "And you're an asshole. You like it when people call you an asshole…"

Lucy sat up once her laughter subsided, then looked over at Virgo. "You already know my measurements, Virgo. You'll just need to get Cobra's."

"Measurements?" Cobra asked warily as the shackled spirit walked around the log to stand next to Lucy. "You're not fucking touching me, Chattel Junky."

Virgo crossed her hands over her apron and simply stared at the Poison Slayer. "Please stand up."

When Cobra stared right back at her, Jellal groaned in frustration. "Just do it already. There's still more we need to do before the day is out."

With a roll of his eye, Cobra stood to his feet and grumbled, "I'm poisoning your fucking food later, Slave Driver…"

"I heard that…"

"Good," Cobra answered with a dark chuckle.

"Please remove your coat," Virgo said.

Cobra let out a heavy sigh, pulling his coat off and holding it tightly in one hand. He turned to look at Virgo, wondering why she was still just standing there, and then his eye widened when he saw her eyes rake over him quickly.

She walked around him only once, staying several feet away and making him feel like he was a SE vehicle that was being put up for auction. He heard a series of numbers running through her head, and his jaw dropped when she stopped in front of Lucy again.

"I have what I need, Princess. Will you require anything else?"

Lucy hummed in thought, then turned to the rest of the group. "Beauty and the Beast is alright with you guys?" There was a round of confused nods from everyone, and Lucy dismissed Virgo back to the Spirit World with a smile and thanks.

"One thing though," Racer said awkwardly. "Uh, Belle's a brunette…"

"How the hell do you know that?" Angel laughed, watching as Racer's cheeks tinted a deep pink.

"None of your business, Angel," Racer huffed.

Lucy smiled and placed a hand over her keys again. "Don't worry about that. I've got it all under control." It was actually rather nice to be able to help out this much. Maybe losing Fairy Tail in the war with Tartaros hadn't been a completely horrible thing. Maybe what she'd really needed was to find a place that actually needed her input, instead of a guild full of so many powerful mages.

After another long silence, Jellal looked at Lucy and said, "You... Had this all figured out from the beginning, didn't you?" Lucy smiled. "And, you didn't say anything sooner... because…"

"Because it was funny watching Angel tackle you to the ground and pull your hair," she said with a wide and slightly creepy grin.

I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter. There are several more to come in the next month leading up to CoLu Week, so be prepared.