Empathic Issues

By: Valandra
Beta: Zorra

A/N: Guess who's back?! Happy birthday Zorra!

A one-shot inspired by an old RP between Zorra and myself a few years ago. Wasn't certain where this one was going, certainly didn't expect a one-shot, but I'm happy with it. I may even do more in the "universe" of this one-shot. We'll see. Please enjoy!

Shin scarcely held back his scream as awareness returned him to his bed, in the Koji manner. After several deep breaths to calm his racing heart and nerves, pain broke through the blind panic, courtesy of his ribs. With a groan, Shin forced himself to stop moving, to calm his still erratic breathing. He also forced himself to ignore the painful twinges from his ribs, as his nerves tried to settle from his restless sleep and abrupt awakening.

'What time is it?' It was a fleeting thought, a distraction, when he realized Shu's bed was empty, and the sun was well past the dawn marker. A few minutes had passed while he stared out at the sky-line, and Shin reluctantly looked away.

'I think a warm bath might be called for, even before breakfast.' It was an encouraging thought, as he dragged himself from the blankets and bed. 'Just as well Shu's already up,' he consoled himself as he made his slow way across the room, then down the hall. 'Hopefully the fact that I slept in, and nobody was around to witness the nightmare, means he won't fret so much today. Of course,' slipping into the bathroom, Shin leaned back against the shut door with a relieved sigh. 'If any of them saw me now, there wouldn't be a moment's peace.'

After a few minutes of slow but relatively pain-free prep, Shin eased himself into the gradually filling tub. 'As much as I appreciate and reciprocate the concern,' eyes closed, he relaxed back against the tub. 'It's a bit overwhelming, especially times four. At least Nasuti isn't as…bad as the guys, and Ryo's still sleeping more than he's awake. I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive,' Shin chuckled quietly, his lips twitching. 'But it feels like the three of them are more focused on me than each other, or even Ryo. At least Nasuti's concern is spread out evenly amongst the four of us, with just a hint more for Ryo. And considering he didn't wake up until yesterday….'

A week had already passed since the final battle. Kayura and the Ma'Sho appeared to be as good as their word, as the young men hadn't heard or felt a peep from the Youjakai. Even their nightmares, though terrifying, were more memories and their twisted possibilities, than anything. An expected occurrence, considering the trauma the young men had faced, both on their own and together.

Shin was of a mind to attempt a light meditation, if it meant clearing his head of his most recent night terror. A rather twisted "what if" scenario of his capture at the start of the second war.

oOo

Shin awoke with a more subdued start, thanks to the bath water. 'That is now freezing,' he thought as the shivers set in. 'Is that what woke me?' he wondered as he pulled the drain and carefully climbed out.

Two knocks at the door, somehow balanced between polite and sharp, didn't startle Shin as much as they probably should have. "Shin? Are you alright?" Seiji's voice carried through the wooden door, with it the sense of one who was repeating themselves.

'Oops, guess that explains what and who woke me.' Chagrined, Shin pointedly did not look at the door as he toweled off. "Yes, I'm fine. I must have fallen asleep while soaking, Seiji. Sorry for the trouble."

What might have been chuckling drifted through the door, and Shin grimaced at the genuine amusement he knew the other felt. "No trouble Shin, you must have woken after my first knock. Shu was getting…antsy, that it's almost lunch, and you've not been down to touch the breakfast he set aside for you."

Shin carefully did not sigh, even as he scrubbed his reddish hair dry. 'I know I don't have any younger siblings to care for, but the amount of concern and…responsibility he's displaying is out of proportion. Sayoko has never in my life tracked and timed my actions on a daily basis like this…. And now he's bleeding his actions over into Seiji! Never did I think I'd see the day that Seiji would act as a messenger or gofer, for anyone!' Lips slowly went from a smirk to a sharp frown. 'In fact, I'm positive that's not all he's got to say. And I don't need you,' he internalized towards his own sense of heart and mind. 'To tell me as much either.'

Shin pulled the towel from over his head, and finally looked towards the closed door. He forced a chuckle pass his lips, and almost believed the rueful amusement it contained. "He's becoming quite the worry-wart, without Ryo up and about to fret over us." Shin took the time to hang his towel, before relocating to the sink. "I suppose I shouldn't add any more to his stress," he wasn't certain he quite covered the bitter hint in his resigned tone. He continued without pause for Seiji to interject. "Thank you for the warning," 'Oops, definitely bitter,' he grimaced at himself in the mirror, even as he turned the water on and dunked his toothbrush. "Seiji. I'll be down in just a bit."

Seiji was silent for a heartbeat, then two. Long enough for Shin to have a good lather. "Again, no trouble Shin. I was rather hoping to catch you before you went downstairs. There's something I've been needing to speak with you about. If you're…not too hungry, then please join me in my room once you're finished." He paused, and when he continued, it sounded as if he'd already turned and taken a step away. "Touma's already downstairs."

oOo

Dressed in a simple tee and jeans, Shin tucked his socks beneath his pants' legs, then stood from his bed. 'Still a little chilled from that bath,' he thought, wondering over to the closet. 'And totally not procrastinating,' he continued with a snort, as he searched for a light hoodie.

Pulling his still slightly damp hair from the hoodie's neckline, Shin sighed and turned towards the door. 'If it's important enough for Seiji to seek me out, even with Shu as an excuse, it must be important.' He couldn't help the faint smile that stole over his face, unawares. 'He's gotten so much better with relaxing…with trusting us, outside of battle. That cold mask of perfection and aloof indifference, it's becoming less and less a defense, save for against the unknown. Unfortunately, not wearing a mask, simply relaxing with such a varied group, even so close to his own age, is very much an unknown.' Shin scanned the upstairs hall, his green eyes not truly seeing it. 'For all of us, really. Well,' he corrected himself with a small shake. 'Maybe not so much Shu.'

A heavy breath escaped him. 'Or Ryo really. Shu's got too many to look after at home, to care for masks there. And I don't believe Ryo has ever cared to have one anywhere. Even in battle, his feelings were there for anyone to see.' Shin flinched at that thought, and forced his feet to move.

'Touma's more like Seiji. Only he didn't learn to hide behind his mask of indifference and devil may care disregard from home. Really, when I stop and think about it, Touma's faith in our group to not hurt him as his schoolmates have up to now, is truly astounding. Although,' he paused with a fond smile. 'That might also be partially Shu's doing too. It still surprises me, that two yoroi bearers knew each other prior to the wars starting.

'I remember being worried,' his silent steps slowed as he neared Seiji's door. 'When we first took rooms here. I was so certain Touma would have wanted to bunk up with Shu. Granted, I don't really remember how the rooms were decided,' he grimaced at his recalled broken ribs at the time. 'But after everyone was more or less back on their feet, nothing changed. I'd asked Shu about it, not wanting to put Touma on the spot. He just said it would do the other two good.'

Shin just smirked and shook his head as he reached up to knock. 'And he was right.'

"It's open, Shin," Seiji called out before he'd even finished.

He quieted that part of himself that tried to point out the contradicting feeling of relaxation and nerves coming from the blond, and opened the door. "How are you holding up today, Seiji?" he asked as he closed the door behind him. Shin was pleased to see the blonds' paleness was more natural and less pasty, and his uniquely violet eyes weren't pinched with the constant headache he'd been silently dealing with all week. There had been no rest for the team's healer after the final battle. Though thankfully not severely injured himself (Shu had practically sat on the blond to make certain), Seiji more than had his hands full with the four of them. Ryo was bad enough…. Shin had done what he could as well, but the physical healing of broken bones and torn muscles wasn't a skill he could claim.

Even still, Seiji had seemed, 'He was, and you know it. Shut up!' grateful for the assistance. And though he didn't want to crowd the blond as he himself felt smothered at times, Shin was relieved to see the marked improvement. 'Now if we can just keep him from overdoing it with Ryo….' Seiji had been confined to bed, though not comatose, until just two days ago. He'd been too weak to do anything about it either, despite his stubborn protests.

"Have a seat," Seiji invited, and waved a casual hand towards his bed. He himself was sitting in the desk chair just beside it. "Well enough, thank you," he answered Shin's initial question as he marked his book's page and set it aside. "My head is clearer," he admitted with a small smile as Shin settled across from him. "Though I think, for now at least, I wouldn't mind sleeping in as late as Touma. While still turning in when I usually do."

Shin couldn't help but chuckle. The blue-haired boy's unusual summer sleep schedule had surprised them all, save Shu. Once the Youja had attacked, they'd slept when they could. 'Although,' the thought bloomed in the background of Shin's mind. 'Touma did prefer the mid-shift for watch.'

"Well, having just attempted it myself," he brushed imaginary lint from his jean-covered leg. "I can only recommend it if you don't wake up and relocate for a soak. You end up rather chilled."

It earned him some genuine, if quiet laughter, and Shin relaxed marginally. Then Seiji sighed and seemed to unfold, and Shin realized why he'd been tense to begin with. Despite silencing himself, when he looked at the never truly silent place within himself, he realized Seiji was truly silent to him. True, there were a few surface snippets, but…it was unnatural. As he started to tense up, Seiji leaned forward and covered the hand still on Shin's leg with his own.

"I know Shu can be a little…overbearing at times." Though he chose his words carefully and spoke them with a smooth purpose, Shin couldn't help the feeling that this had been rehearsed. "We've all experienced it, both on the field and off." Recalling his recent amusement at recalling the larger boy practically sitting on the blond "for his own good," Shin couldn't help a faint smile and inclined his head for the young man to continue.

Seiji briefly returned his smile, then gently squeezed the hand his own was covering. "We're worried about your nightmares Shin. You may not have woken up screaming this morning," he continued before Shin could either protest or pull away. "But you did last night. Even Touma woke. If you don't remember…." He trailed off. Uncertain if Shin remembered and had simply been hoping only Shu was aware, or if he'd forgotten and thought this morning was the first he'd woken. Though it wasn't the exact lead-in to this conversation that he'd planned, it seemed pertinent enough now to warrant the deviation.

Shin sighed and shook his head, and Seiji didn't miss the fact that eye-contact wasn't reestablished. He curled his fingers around Shin's. "Honestly Seiji, I do recall Shu at my bedside, and you hovering at the door. But it's hazy and dreamlike. I don't think I was truly awake." His tone spoke what he left unsaid, that it wasn't like it was the first time. Shin looked up and caught Seiji's eye before the blond could comment, the redhead's expression a mix of serious and sheepish that only Shin could blend. "I am sorry that I woke all of you."

Seiji just shook his head and tightened his hand. "We've all woken each other," he forced himself to calmly admit. "What's concerning me, us, is the continued intensity of your own, Shin." Before Shin could protest or attempt to derail him, Seiji continued, ignoring Shin's as yet silent but moving lips. "Shu tells me you won't speak of their contents with him."

Shin's mouth shut rather soundly. If it weren't for the solid hold over his hand, or Seiji's second that he placed more calmly than coddling on Shin's opposite knee, the redhead would have stood and put distance between them. It…hurt, in a strange manner, to understand his friends…comrades…friends, had been discussing him. He realized a heartbeat later that he'd not broken eye-contact with Seiji, but he couldn't concern himself with that fact. The instant panic he'd felt from Seiji as he internally examined that odd pain in his chest, was enough for the both of them.

Both of Seiji's hands tightened over him. "Shin, please listen. You know all too well that we're all concerned for each other. Our…worry, I suppose, is greater towards you, because you won't talk to any of us about what's eating at you. I left it alone at first, because I thought you were sharing with Shu."

Shin was shaking his head before Seiji had even finished. "It's to be expected Seiji. I won't make his and his stress worse with mine. Certainly not when it won't help."

"Shin," Seiji chastised, disappointment clear. A brow arched over green eyes, unimpressed. "You've stressed him out by not sharing, and you know it." Still no reaction, Shin was motionless beneath his hands. Drawing in a deep, steeling breath, Seiji thought he saw the redhead twitch. "And I don't need your empathy to know they're only getting worse."

He finally earned a reaction, even if it wasn't what he'd planned for. "You know?" Shin breathed, eyes wide and heart caught in his throat. "How…? …How long…?"

It took Seiji a moment and a search of green eyes, to understand they weren't talking about nightmares anymore. At least, not for the moment. Seiji allowed himself an indulgent, if small smirk, and brushed a thumb over Shin's hand. "You haven't exactly tried to hide it, Shin. At least," he inclined his head faintly when the redhead jumped as if shocked. "Not on a spiritualistic plane. You don't go out of your way to make it apparent either," Seiji admitted, as if realizing in that instant that Shin may have indeed thought himself hidden. 'Even better that we're alone then,' Seiji carefully did not wince. 'If he's not comfortable being "ousted," then I still screwed up…not as bad as I could have, but bad enough.'

"As for how," Seiji continued diligently, determined to not let his own sudden uncertainty show through. "You should know by now, that I practically breathe this side of life."

Shin sighed and dropped his eyes, but twisted his hand beneath Seiji's own so he could hold it in turn. He could sense the blonds' distress, despite Seiji's effort otherwise. "Seiji," he spoke quietly, stopping the blond in his tracks. "I'm not upset," he assured first, and gave the blonds' hand a squeeze. "Well," he then hedged, and chanced a glance up; Seiji could only think "sheepish." Shin blinked, and looked off to the side, rather than hide again. "Maybe a little, at myself. I never really stopped and thought to talk with you about it. It's just…something that's always been there. Either helpful and useful, or a nuance that I try to ignore." Shin snorted in derisive amusement. "I've more skill at the first, unfortunately."

Seiji's soft smile slowly curved into a thoughtful frown as an inkling took root. That maybe he wouldn't have to turn the conversation back around to his initial topic after all. The implications were all the more frightening. "Shin…."

Shin shook his head, his eyes briefly closing. "I can't 'turn it off,' Seiji," he answered the…not fear, more…horror, he could both see and feel growing within the other youth. "I've learned through necessity, how to shunt it, how to minimize my range. Sometimes I can even ignore it. But it takes a conscious effort."

Shin closed his eyes so he wouldn't see, and slackened his hold on Seiji. He was gratified when the blond tightened his own grip into a solid, almost painful yet steady hold, yet he still refused to open his eyes. "I've no semblance of control when I'm asleep," he confirmed that fear he'd seen in Seiji, and confessed as if a thief. "Last night, I felt Ryo's pain and fear, when he jumped into the spirit's energy and launched with it, after Touma. His panic once he was there, and his terror that he would forever drift out there, without finding and waking Touma."

Though unchanged, the silence that followed seemed all the more damning for his confession. When Seiji shifted across from him and withdrew his hand from his knee, Shin drew into himself. He braced against…he wasn't sure what he expected, only for it to be hurtful. Seiji's palm on his cheek, then under his chin, encouraging though not forcing him to look up, was far from Shin's vague expectations.

Off kilter, Shin gave into Seiji's silent direction, and opened his eyes enough to meet gentle lilac. "Oh Shin," Seiji breathed, able to read the redhead's guilt over his perceived nightly transgressions. Seiji straightened up where he was kneeling before Shin, and gathered the distraught youth into his arms as he joined him on the bed.

"Not a single one of us would hold that against you, Shin," Seiji gently scolded. It made him worry about what might have happened in the past, to make dealing with these night terrors more appealing than talking to any of them about his situation. Without much thought, Seiji's hands started to rub circles into Shin's back, relaxing the youth further.

'It may have been nothing,' Seiji allowed after a few heartbeats. 'Nothing more than his own imagination, that kept him silent. I've no doubt I spoke for each one of us, when I said we wouldn't hold it against him. It's out of his current control. Now, not coming to one of us about his situation, that we will have to discuss.

'Ryo's only just woken, and in his current state would only feel concern and guilt. Shu, whom I thought he was talking to, has admitted a few times to not understanding these things. Even in regards to the yorois.' Seiji couldn't help an amused smile as he recalled how…stubbornly straightforward the warrior of Kongo could be, even when trying to help. 'It took some trial and error, but eventually he was able to lend his strength to me for healing. And I certainly needed it….

'Still,' he nudged his thoughts back on track. 'Touma's book smart, and I know he hasn't studied spirituality or the supernatural.' He'd asked as much, one night in this room, before the second war started. Touma had confessed his skepticism even after Tenku first appeared to him. 'He hinted that Kongo's appearance made him start to at least consider the possibilities….' Again, Seiji shook his amused, side-railing thoughts off.

As Shin had tucked his head in the crook of Seiji's shoulder, the blond shifted enough to rest his chin on a tuft of red hair. He stilled his hands, but maintained his supportive hold, once he deemed Shin calm enough. "Why didn't you come to me?" he asked, as gently as he could.

Shin sighed after a heartbeat, and twisted his head enough to not be muffled. "I don't…." he trailed off, the remainder of his breath escaping him in a gust. "It…never really occurred to me," he quietly admitted. "It's…not something I ever really talk about. To anyone." He drew in a deep breath and held it for a moment. When he released it, he loosened his own arms around Seiji. Shin couldn't recall when he'd clung onto the blond, and had a fleeting hope he'd not hurt the other. "It's never really been such a problem, until recently."

After a few long heartbeats, Seiji realized Shin was finished, and shook his head. "I can't imagine how you handle this, Shin. To be so aware of the unbridled emotions of those around you, constantly. I have to have eye contact and typically touch, just to brush a person's surface feelings."

Shin chuckled quietly, and Seiji was pleased to note that it wasn't self-derisive. "It…hasn't always been this bad," he confessed, and was surprised by how easy it was to continue to talk. "By middle school, I had a pretty good handle on it. But once I found Suiko…I was accustomed to waking up and realizing halfway to school, that something had changed. My range may have increased, or the clarity of the emotions and their source would improve.

"It wasn't until last year, near the end of the third quarter…. I was on the bus to school. I don't remember what stop we were at. Only that I felt really depressed. And it kept getting worse as more people came on. I didn't even realize I was crying, until a year-mate passed me a tissue. I couldn't even tell her what was wrong. Because when I tried to think about it, the only explanation I could come up with was that I'd just received word of my father's passing."

Seiji frowned, and started rubbing the redhead's back. He and Shu both knew of Shin's father's passing, they'd learned of it during their visit between the two wars. 'Well, their visit, and my retrieval of them,' his thoughts corrected in the background. 'Point is,' Seiji mentally frowned at himself. 'Mouri-sama passed when Shin was too young to remember much of him.'

"I found out at lunch, that it was another year mate, from two classes over. I was ashamed and grateful that I wasn't familiar with him, so I wouldn't have to offer my condolences. Just being out in the lunch yard together, without looking towards him…I had a face, and a name, and I knew the broken feel of his spirit.

"Even after class resumed, with the walls and students between us, I could feel him. His spirit pulsing beside my own. His broken heart trying to break mine, to become my own."

Seiji couldn't suppress the shiver that passed through him. "Suiko jumped your empathy to such an extreme?" When Shin shook his head and burrowed closer, Seiji thought his heart might stop. As it was, he had to strain just to hear Shin's quiet voice.

"I found Suiko near the end of March. After my birthday…a rite of passage trial. It's…taken a lot to get used to the changes. I'm still learning as I go."

'Sweet light,' Seiji silently swore, while his heart attempted to freeze. 'He's not even eighteen yet! How much stronger is he to become?' Shin could practically feel the blond blink, as his thoughts crashed and refocused. 'That left him maybe a month to train before the invasion!'

"I cannot fathom," Seiji started to speak after a few minutes, his voice a breath of awe and respect. "How you managed so well through all that mayhem, while remaining as calm and…pure. That the spirit's dungeon didn't drive you insane…." Seiji shivered, and held the young man tighter as he recalled that dark time. And he had to wonder, did Shin sense anything from the spirits there? The priests? 'Would I have come out as whole, in his place?'

Somehow, inexplicably, Shin's hold had turned comforting, as he consoled the distraught blond. "Shh…." Seiji wasn't sure how much time had passed before he realized Shin was speaking. "It's alright Seiji," Shin assured, sensing he had the blonds' attention once more. "I'm usually pretty good at learning on my feet. This is…just taking a little longer."

Seiji drew in a shuddering breath, and carefully withdrew himself from Shin's support. "I suppose," he started softly, making eye contact before Shin could withdraw. "That the growing exhaustion isn't helping much either."

Shin couldn't help the quiet laugh that escaped him, and a small, rueful smile stole over his lips. "It does make concentrating a little more difficult," he admitted.

"Well," Seiji withdrew fully, and slipped from the bed. "We should probably head downstairs, and let Touma know he needs to move his things to Shu's room." He could feel Shin's shocked gaze boring into the back of his head. "I can start setting wards in here, once you're settled in."

"…What?" Shin breathed, rooted to his spot beside the bed. When Seiji turned around, open door beside him, a familiar, sardonic smirk graced his lips. Shin hadn't even made it a step from the bed.

"Once you've caught up on some real sleep, then you can focus on your mental shields. And if you decide you want some help after that," Seiji shrugged casually. "Then I'll be here."

The smile that slowly transformed Shin's face, about stole Seiji's breath away. 'Such trusting faith,' Seiji read in that quiet smile, those open eyes. 'How close we all came to letting it…you snuff out. Not again, little brother.'

Shin's bemused laughter broke the spell, and Seiji fought off the rising blush under bright green eyes. "I'm older than the lot of you, Seiji," he teased as he joined the blond at the door.

"Hn," Seiji hummed non-committed, even as he turned to lead the way out of the room. Outwardly ignoring Shin's blatant amusement, while internally gratified to see life and light returning to the redhead.

The End.