Finding What's Real

Chapter 3

Pairing: Jane/Maura
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles do not belong to me.

Maura looked herself over in the mirror and then sighed. She was overdressed for dinner in her own home with a friend, or colleague, or whatever she and Jane were. She had gone to see Jane in the hospital the first time because she wanted to be helpful, to the case and to her colleague, but she couldn't deny that the interest she now felt towards Jane Rizzoli was more than collegial. Jane was still recovering, though, and Maura wasn't going to push anything. She was simply going to signal her interest enough that it should be apparent if Jane wanted to look for it.

Maura considered herself an expert on reading facial expressions, one of many fields of study she found interesting in general and also for possible forensic applications. The look on Jane's face when Maura answered her door in the green dress that hugged her curves and showed off a bit of cleavage was encouraging.

The first thing Jane said after looking Maura up and down was, "I think I'm underdressed."

"No you aren't," Maura replied. "You look great." Which she did. Jane wore a pair of jeans, which Maura noted didn't hang off Jane's slender frame the way they had at the hospital, and a black button down shirt. Although Maura did notice the dark circles under Jane's eyes.

"I brought some beer," Jane said, holding up a six pack.

"Thank you," Maura said, taking as Jane entered the house. "I just opened a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc from one of my favorite vineyards, but would you prefer a beer?"

"Uh, no, a small glass of wine is fine. I shouldn't drink too much right anyway," Jane said, following Maura towards the kitchen. "You have a nice house."

"Thank you. Obviously I haven't been here long, but I like it so far." Maura poured two glasses of wine and passed one to Jane.

"Thanks for having me," Jane said, holding up her glass to clink against Maura's before taking a sip.

"I should have asked you about food preferences or allergies," Maura rambled a bit. "I made swordfish with quinoa and grilled vegetables. Is that okay?"

"I'm not allergic to anything, and when someone else is making the food, I'm not very picky. I'm sure it will be great," Jane responded.

"Take a seat, I'll bring your plate over," Maura said, gesturing towards the dining table set with two places across from each other.

"So…" Jane said once Maura was seated across from her and they had started eating. "Um, how was your day?"

"It was productive. We haven't been too busy this week so I was able to catch up on some paperwork today."

"Are you working on any interesting cases right now?" Jane asked.

Maura thought for a moment and then smiled and said, "There is one complicated case actually. I haven't determined the cause of death yet or whether or not it was a homicide."

Jane's eyes lit up. "Oh, tell me the details. The guys wouldn't talk to me about any open cases and I'm bored out of my mind."

Maura laughed but then stopped when Jane wasn't laughing and said, "Are you being serious?"

"Yeah, I'm seriously bored. And maybe I can help."

"Well, I guess it can't hurt if you really want to hear about it." Jane nodded and Maura continued, "There was no obvious cause of death. The victim had been dead for several days when he was found with no visible injuries. He was found in the wooded area along Jamaicaway north of Jamaica Pond. We haven't established if he died there or was dumped there after death. The autopsy didn't reveal cardiac arrest or any other organ failure. He was relatively young. I've sent blood, urine, and tissue samples out for toxicology testing. Until those results come back I'm out of ideas."

Jane frowned. "See, this is the type of case I can't help with at all. It's all science-y. Don't you have anything like a stabbing with a weird shaped unidentified object that I can speculate on?"

"No, I don't. Sorry. For me, this type of case is far more challenging, and therefore interesting. It's up to me to determine if a homicide has taken place and so far I have no idea. I have to use every tool I can think of to make a determination. Other cases, where the cause of death is straightforward, I do the autopsy and simply pass on the case to the detectives."

"Do you ever wish you could follow through on those cases more?" Jane asked.

"My primary interest is the science and what we can learn from the human body. But sure, sometimes I suppose I do wish I could be more involved in some of the other details of investigations, particularly with difficult cases."

"You were with me. Not that I was a case, or a difficult case," Jane amended uneasily, "but you got involved."

"I did. I probably shouldn't have gotten as involved as I did. It really wasn't within my job description."

"Yes, you should have," Jane replied, holding Maura's gaze for a moment, before saying lightly, "Okay, they don't have to be difficult or even interesting, just tell me about some of your other recent cases, so I can pretend I'm back at work."

Maura pretended to consider the request a moment, but then smiled widely, and began a detailed account of several recent cases while Jane asked occasional questions and offered her theories. Time passed as they talked, with both women finding an easy camaraderie like they had worked together for a long time, until an awkward silence fell over them at the end of discussing one of the cases.

Jane had been leaning forward over the table and now she sat back and said, "Well, anyway, this food was delicious. Thank you. Let me help you clean up," she said, reaching across the table to take Maura's plate.

"Oh, no, there's no need," Maura protested. "I don't want you to injure your hands."

"Maura, my hands are actually fine, and I'm supposed to do light tasks," Jane said, carrying the dishes to the kitchen sink.

Maura followed her, bringing their empty wine glasses with her. "You can just put them in the sink and I'll take care of them. Would you like another glass of wine?"

"I think I'm okay. It was, uh, nice though. Thanks. I had a really nice time tonight, Maura."

"Me too."

"I should probably head home. I'm sure you need to be up early for work."

"Jane?" Maura said hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

"Would you mind if I took a look at the wounds on your hands?"

"I don't mind, I guess, but why?" Jane asked, somewhat bemused.

"I'm sure you're having regular check-ups but I'd like to make sure everything looks like it is progressing properly. And, I have to admit that there is a selfish reason as well."

Jane gave her a confused look.

"I've never seen an injury like yours with scalpel punctures through both sides the hand," Maura said sheepishly.

"So this is a scientific inquiry?"

"Yes."

"Weird, but okay," Jane said.

"I'm going to grab a few supplies so I can dress the wounds after," Maura said, before disappearing briefly down the hallway.

When Maura returned to the kitchen, Jane leaned back against the counter and let her unwrap the bandages on both hands. Maura gently held Jane's right hand and bent close to examine the healing wound on Jane's palm. Her thumb gently traced around the scar beginning to form.

While Maura continued her examination of both hands, Jane took the opportunity to freely look at Maura, who was too focused on Jane's hands to notice. Maura smelled wonderful, which Jane had already noticed tonight. Her dress accentuated every curve, and showed more than a hint of cleavage from this angle. Only now could Jane see the spatter of freckles across Maura's chest.

"Are you left handed?" Maura asked.

"Yes, how could you tell?"

"Slight differences in the muscles in your hands and wrists. The wounds appear to be healing nicely. It's remarkable you've recovered so much range of motion so quickly. Are you having much pain?"

Jane was suddenly struck with the memory of Maura talking to her in the hospital with a comforting hand on her arm, and how the mere presence of this woman made her feel warm and relaxed. "It's not too bad right now."

Maura carefully re-bandaged Jane's hands with telfa, gauze, and tape. When she started to turn away, Jane put her hands on Maura's waist and pulled her back. She leaned in and pressed her lips against Maura's.

Jane briefly pulled back with a smile on her lips when she felt Maura's soft lips responding and kissing her back. Maura moved her hands around Jane's neck and pulled her closer. Jane's fingers twitched against the fabric of Maura's dress as they resumed kissing.

Jane relaxed into the kiss as Maura deepened it. Unbidden an image of Charles Hoyt leaning in to kiss her popped into Jane's head. Her eyes flew open and she pulled away from Maura, pushing away from the kitchen counter to the other side of the room. "I'm sorry," she said over her shoulder.

Maura shook her head and said, "Transference."

Jane turned around and said, "What?"

"Transference is when a patient confuses feelings of gratitude for romantic attraction. I saw you in the hospital and provided some help. It's fine. I'm not-"

"Maura," Jane interrupted.

"Yes?"

"I'm not sorry I kissed you."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry I had to stop. I'm not…shit, I'm not ready yet."

"Of course. I understand. You've been through a lot," Maura rambled.

"No, that's not it. Not exactly."

Maura stood still looking at Jane, still unsure how they went from kissing to standing at opposite ends of the kitchen.

Jane ran her hand through her hair and sighed deeply before saying, "I remember you saying something before, in the hospital, about LSD flashbacks."

Maura slipped easily into doctor mode. "Some people report LSD flashbacks long after use of the drug. In reality it seems to be rare and not well understood, but the research has been limited. I was concerned about lingering effects of LSD in combination with other drugs that were administered at the hospital. But I wouldn't expect that to still be a problem weeks later. What symptoms are you having?"

"I don't want to make a big deal about it," Jane said, which Maura interpreted as Jane not wanting anyone else to know it was happening. She had worked long enough with police officers to know how they felt about showing any weakness.

"I won't tell anyone else anything you tell me."

After a long moment Jane said, "I've been having these… dreams. But they don't feel like dreams, they feel like memories. They feel so real. I know they are things that never happened, but it's confusing, among other things."

Jane leaned back against counter and crossed her arms. Maura moved closer again and said, "And you remember these dreams when you wake up?"

"Yes, unfortunately," Jane said, sighing. "In the dreams, I'm with Hoyt. It's like…it's like we're on dates, and I feel happy to be with him, but none of it really makes any sense and something in my brain tells me it's all wrong. Sometimes I question things in the dream and then he gets angry and that's when I wake up."

"This is what was happening in the hospital," Maura said, putting the pieces together. "I think, anyway," she quickly amended. "You were sleeping, and your vital signs showed signs of a panic attack because you were struggling in your dream."

"I don't remember a lot about the dreams in the hospital, other than the day you woke me up, but that's what I was dreaming about that day."

"How often do you have the dreams now?" Maura asked.

"Every night. He did this to me, right? With the drugs."

"I don't know for sure. Anything I say will only be speculative and I don't like to speculate." At Jane's pleading look, Maura said, "But this is sort of what I had been concerned about. That the combination of drugs in your system when you arrived at the hospital indicated at attempt at altering memories or controlling you in some way. I don't know why you would still be experiencing those symptoms so long after the drugs have left your system.

"What do I do to stop it?" Jane asked.

Maura ventured putting her hand on Jane's arm, and felt Jane's muscles relax under her touch. "I think you'd be better off asking a counselor who can maybe help with strategies for dealing with the dreams. I'm not sure if there is a medical solution."

"If I tell a counselor about these dreams, I may never get to go back to work, and that's not an option."

Maura shook her head and said, "I don't know what else to suggest. But you can talk to me. Maybe that will help?"

"I think it does help."

"I'll keep thinking," Maura offered.

"I'm sorry, this night got weird," Jane said with a self-deprecating laugh.

"I'm totally fine with weird," Maura said.

"Thank you for everything," Jane said, almost reluctantly moving away from Maura to make her way to the front door. At the door she asked, "Can I call you?"

"Anytime," Maura responded, and then watched Jane walk out to her car before closing the door and heading to bed.