CHAPTER ELEVEN

BELLA

Two hours after Rosalie abandoned me, I stood in front of our captive, Venganza, hands on my hips.

The new promise ring dug into the bare skin where my shirt rode up slightly. All I could think about was watching Rosalie walk away despite knowing I needed to focus on the prisoner in front of me. Seth and Paul stood in wolf form just behind me, ready to hurt or kill her if need be. Leah and Jacob remained human, a few feet behind the wolves.

"Welcome to the wolf den," I said coolly, trying to keep any trace of emotion out of my voice. "I hope you enjoy your stay."

She snarled at me as the pack drew closer and closer. "You can't break me."

I shook my head and leaned forward as menacingly as I could manage. "You'd be surprised. The only reason you're alive is because my pack wants to know more about your cult leader, Amunet. You are about to endure pain that you as a vampire never thought you could. Because compared to us, you're as vulnerable as a human is. And human beings endure, and scream, and suffer. So the only way you can avoid facing the pain you are about to receive is to do exactly what a human would do and tell us what you know."

Venganza snorted. "I fear Amunet more than I fear pain."

"My pack and I fear nothing." I shrugged. Jacob smiled. Leah winked.

Venganza shook her head slowly as a smug smile spread across her face. "You should be afraid."

"Why is that?" I slowly inquired.

"Aro's guard is hunting Amunet as we speak. They'll find her soon enough. They asked me to join them; Aro did always covet my gift." She looked so proud of herself that I wanted to retch.

"So, you're trying to tell me that you turned the Volturi down?"

"At great cost. They've been given orders to kill me on sight."

"That sounds like something you deserve." I bored my eyes into hers until she looked away.

But finally, offering an unhinged smile, she returned her gaze to mine, this time truly unafraid. "You will pay a great cost as well. Your Rosalie has just joined Amunet, and the Volturi does not discriminate. They will end her, and end her cruelly. The only way you're getting her back is when the Volturi mail her to you piece by piece."

My hair stood on end as she spoke. Paul growled at the vampire when he sensed my tension. He never had the temperament for keeping control. He pounced before I could stop him, and she broke free of her bonds, dodging nimbly out of the way as her body changed.

As she roughly shoved Paul into a wall and looked up at me I saw Rosalie. It was Rosalie, every detail of her, reaching out to me and mouthing 'help.'

Shapeshifter. It was just a shapeshifter. I needed to remember that.

But I couldn't kill her. I couldn't do it. I couldn't raise a finger. She looked just like my imprint, and my body froze from the innate inability to harm Rosalie, fake or not.

Jacob saved the day. He shifted and jumped forward. I suppressed a yelp of terror as he tore out the throat of Rosalie Hale with his teeth, and then snapped her neck.

Her head rolled across the floor and her body fell limp, no longer Rosalie but Venganza. I could breathe again. But now that Venganza was dealt with, my façade broke. I could no longer hold back the dam of emotions in me about to burst.

Even though I knew I had to stay strong as the alpha, losing my imprint broke me. I devolved into a mess of sobs that made my entire body shudder.

"Bella?" asked Leah softly, stepping forward.

"She left," I choked out between sobs. "Rose left."

"I'm sorry," said Leah so genuinely that I needed to take a deep breath to keep tears at bay. She gently squeezed my arm and the struggle to hold them back became even more difficult.

Jake sulked away, pounding his paws over to his bedroom, I assumed to get dressed, and also to avoid my emotional outburst.

Leah embraced me and both of our muscular, feverish bodies shook with my sobs.

[X]

As I stepped outside to go home, Jake stopped me on the porch, dressed in new clothes.

"Bella?" asked Jacob. "Bells, are you handling this okay?" I remained silent. I didn't know how to answer. I didn't want to answer. "Don't shut me out. Don't shut the pack out. We need you."

"Well, I need Rosalie more!" I roared and he recoiled. "I'm sorry. I'm…"

He walked back into the house.

I wiped away my tears and tried to stand up straighter. All I wanted was to lie down and never get out of bed again.

But that was not an option.

[X]

The cover story to Charlie and everyone else was that Rosalie went on a medical internship and left me behind. If I told him the truth, I would end up in a padded cell.

As I sat having coffee with him before school, he finally addressed it.

"I'm sorry about Rose," he said, staring into his chipped mug of steaming black coffee. "I know teen relationships don't last but you two were more serious than I've ever seen kids be." He shifted awkwardly in his seat and sipped his coffee before speaking again. "How are you holding up?"

I took a deep breath, unsure how to answer him. "This isn't what I intended to happen but nothing is ever… nothing is ever certain in life, is it?"

He swallowed, face flushed. "When your mom and I broke up…"

My expression stopped whatever comment he was going to make.

"Dad, it's okay," I lied. "Rose made the best decision for her and I support that."

He uncomfortably cleared his throat and said, "Well, if you need anything I'm here."

"Thanks."

[X]

By the time I got through three miserable periods at school that day, I found out it seemed rumors had quickly spread about Rosalie leaving town. In a small place like Forks, news always traveled fast, and anything at all to gossip about would consume the school in two seconds flat. Just my luck. As her girlfriend, I figured people would start asking me about her any time now.

When I checked my phone on the way to art class, I had two missed calls from Jessica and one text that said nothing but, "Rosalie?"

I ignored it as I took my seat and tried not to look at Rosalie's empty one.

Deep in my broken heart I held more pain than I thought it could contain.

I tried to pour it into my project but focus was even more impossible here than it was in Calculus.

It was harder to conceal my emotions than I thought it would be. I was always better at this until I was a wolf. Today, it was hard to keep my shape in more than one way.

I should have demanded for her to stay. I should have pinned her down and not let her go. I should have begged her to give me a chance to show her why she should stay with me.

All I could hope anymore that wherever she was in the world she still loved me as much as I loved her.

I stared weakly at my half finished sketch from last week and struggled to pick up my pencil.

[X]

The Cullens were not at lunch today. I hoped they were off looking for Rosalie. With their fear of Amunet, I did not know how they would be able to let her just run off with, from what I knew, was the evilest of evil vampires in all of history.

I barely could restrain myself from going into wolf mode and tracking her down, but I loved her, and I knew that had to stay as a last resort.

Jessica tried to sit by me.

I made an excuse about needing to study and snuck away from the cafeteria to hide in a graffitied pale pink bathroom stall.

[X]

The Cullens returned a week and a half later.

I ignored and avoided them.

They ignored and avoided me except for a few pitying looks, and Alice nearly flinging herself at me before being stifled by my expression.

I knew they were good people - well, vampires - but I could not help but blame them for simply letting Rosalie run off with Amunet.

They broke my trust somehow and I knew I was being foolish, but I was too angry at them to rationalize a single thought.

And it was pretty obvious that they knew that.

[X]

On Thursday, almost two weeks after Rosalie left, I walked into the house on my way home from school to see my dad home early.

"How are you doing, kiddo?" he asked, looking a little off. I could smell and sense that he was hiding something, but I was too preoccupied with Rosalie's absence to even want to try to find out what it was.

"I'm fine." The honest answer was that I was sick of people asking me that.

He wrung his calloused hands. "It's okay to feel hurt after losing a relationship."

"I said I was fine. That doesn't mean I'm not hurt." I didn't mean to sound so harsh, but I also didn't apologize.

I walked upstairs and found a surprise guest sitting gracefully on my bed.

"Alice?"

"Charlie let me in." She ground her toe in a soft circle on my hardwood bedroom floor. "I told him you were ignoring us and he kinda..."

"Oh. He should've told me."

Alice changed the subject. "So, have you washed your wallowing clothes yet?"

"My wallowing clothes?" I almost laughed.

She gestured loosely at me. "I haven't seen you wearing anything but those yoga pants and ratty old t-shirt since Rose left. You've always smelled like wet dog to everyone but Rosalie, but I remember when some of those stains were fresh."

"Do you have a problem with my hygiene?" I teased.

"You have hygiene?" Alice cocked a mocking eyebrow.

I scowled. "I clean up great sometimes."

"Let me know when it's one of those times."

Alice giggled. At first her mirth seemed wholly inappropriate with Rosalie gone.

But her joy was infectious.

I found myself laughing for the first time since my imprint abandoned me.

"It's good to see you laugh. But I can see you're hurting. Are you—"

"Don't ask if I'm okay. You know that I'm not." I touched the promise ring on my finger. "But I'm not going to let this destroy me."

"I know you won't. But you don't know that. So here's the deal. All of us Cullens are here for you. All of us. If you ever need anything, you know what coven to call."

"Thanks." I knew I wouldn't call them, but it was extremely difficult to want to disappoint Alice Cullen. "Where were you guys anyway?"

She sighed, suddenly shifting from bubbly to crestfallen. "Looking for her, but even with all our powers combined, we couldn't find her. Amunet covers her tracks too well even for me."

"I'm sorry." I held up my hand. "She gave me this before she left. It's a promise ring and she said the promise was that she would come back."

"I'm sure she will. She told me the same thing. Also, okay, you're obviously mad at us and Carlisle and Edward and Jazz and everybody keeps saying to give you space until you make the first contact but I just can't handle that, okay? So spill. Why are you mad?"

"You should have stopped her. Maybe not you specifically but one of you should have."

Alice's expression flooded me with regret.

"I'm really sorry. We tried. Or didn't. Carlisle…" She did not elaborate and I was glad of it.

"Do you still see her future?"

"Sometimes there are snippets, I think when she's away from Amunet. But when she's with Amunet it's like when she's with you. Her future just vanishes."

"What are the snippets?"

"If I've learned anything from my gift, it's that sometimes knowing the future just tortures you. I just try to remember that my visions aren't ever definite. I'd rather trust my sister and my heart than my visions."

I said nothing at first, but then I acted on instinct and lunged forward to hug my friend.

She embraced me tightly and held me until I finally stepped back.

Alice smiled.

I attempted to return one and failed.

[X]

The next day, of all people, Edward Cullen sat down next to me at lunch. I stared at him for a moment, unsure what to say. I knew Alice had probably told her family about our conversation, but he always had seemed so cold to me due to being unable to read my mind. I never expected him to be the one to reach out to me.

He examined me for a moment, as if trying yet again to read my thoughts. "I wanted to talk to you about Rosalie. I want to help you understand why she did what she did."

"Why would you want to do that?" I snapped.

"Because she loves you and you love her, and she wouldn't want someone she loves and loves her to be living like this right now."

"Does she love me?" My voice rose and trembled despite my best efforts to contain it. "Does she even love me? You can't just leave someone you love the way she did."

"Well, I have a parlor trick that lets me know how people really feel. And she loves you. I didn't even think Rose was capable of feeling anything as strongly as she feels her love for you. So, please be quiet and listen. I left Carlisle once. I was gone for months trying to experience life alone… and life drinking human blood."

"Rosalie doesn't have a craving for human blood," I hissed. It was a partial lie. I knew she craved my blood desperately. We were designed to destroy each other. A wolf made to kill vampires; a vampire who could snap any moment and drink the blood that sang of Heaven. Yet, we somehow managed to destroy each other in another way entirely.

"She has a craving for self discovery before accepting the imprint. If I understand the wolves right, an imprint means forever. Rosalie is afraid to commit to forever before she experiences her own life."

"I figured that much out on my own, thank you," I snapped. He started to get up and I grabbed his cold wrist to stop him. "I'm sorry. Thank you for talking to me. I really do appreciate it."

"I went back to Carlisle. That's all I needed to say, even though I'm sure you've heard it too many times. I've felt what she felt about finding myself once I'm told I'm stuck a certain way forever and I went home. She will too."

Something about his gilded eyes comforted me enough to let the truth weakly, softly slip from my lips. "I'm just afraid she won't be the same person when she does."

He averted his eyes. It was evident he had the exact same fear.

I stared at my food and lost my wolfish appetite.

[X]

On Saturday, still in what Alice called my wallowing clothes, I sat on the sofa reading my worn copy of Wuthering Heights yet again.

Jessica sent me two more texts asking if I was missing Rosalie. I ignored them. In addition, I had two missed calls from Leah and a long text from Jake to which I hadn't replied.

Something inside my heart died, and I no longer could futilely seek to resurrect it.

[X]

Two days later, on my way driving home from school, I saw something that seemed like a sign from above. Two motorcycles in a lawn even more beat up than the ones my half brother showed me. I remembered what Jacob told me.

Engines before girls, he had said. It was his attempt to show me how to take my mind off of Rosalie. I thought I would listen to him and get involved with his project, but I had not been to La Push or even answered a message from a single member of the pack in almost three weeks.

I stopped my car. This seemed too much like it happened for a reason and I could not ignore it.

As soon as I crossed the yard, I knocked on the door and a young man almost immediately answered.

"How much for the motorcycles?" I asked, forcing a smile with my palms tightly against my hips. I could feel the promise ring against me again and it made my stomach churn.

"Nothing." He shrugged loosely. "They're junk we're looking to get taken off our hands."

"I'll take them."

"They don't work."

"Don't worry. I have a friend who builds cars." He may be my brother, but friend was probably the better word in Forks. I didn't want Charlie to get weird questions. I still felt like he was too forgiving saying he was still my dad and not just kicking me back to my mom or off to Billy.

"Cool. Do you need help? They're not light."

"No thanks." He looked impressed as I picked one up with ease, loaded it in the back of my truck, and then returned for another. "You must hit the gym a lot."

"I do," I lied. "You need good muscles if you want to pick up the ladies."

He grinned and looked me up and down. "Maybe literally in your case."

I laughed, I thanked him probably more than was necessary, and we exchanged a goodbye.

I got in my truck and turned the key in the ignition.

Next stop, La Push.

[X]

The garage felt separate from my broken world. Something about it seemed so alive and vibrant that I felt less dead while inside.

"Are we trying to get enough bikes for the whole pack?" laughed Jacob as I showed him my haul.

I teased, "Why not? Does a werewolf motorcycle gang not sound cool to you?"

"The pack has really missed you."

"It's only been three weeks." My throat felt dry. I knew that was a long time, although I would never be able to admit it.

"I know. Three weeks is ages without the alpha or whatever. That's what Sam keeps saying, at least." Jacob shrugged.

A growl began to rise in the back of my throat. I knew he was not complaining; he was continuing his quest to dethrone me.

"What else is Sam saying?" I almost leapt forward before restraining myself.

"The same bullshit. He keeps trying to weasel his way around your orders so he can act like he's campaigning to be alpha."

"Is the pack listening?"

"No. You're an outsider and I know nobody trusts you fully, but they've accepted your role fine."

"What is his problem with me?"

"He was the first to turn. He went through a lot, stuck in his form for two weeks, nobody telling him he wasn't crazy until Old Quil figured it out. And then you come to town and take charge. Not to mention what he went through with Leah."

I stared at my feet. My heart ached for him, but I also knew I would never surrender my role as alpha.

"Let's get working on these bikes. Can't have a werewolf motorcycle gang without them, now can we?"

Jacob grinned.

I spun a wrench around my nimble fingers.

[X]

That night, I dreamt about Rosalie and I having a child. It should have been a good dream, especially since as two women it would never happen for us, but it was a nightmare. The baby painfully clawed its way out of me, and in my arms was grotesque with pitch black fur and scarlet slit pupiled eyes and long, dark claws instead of fingernails, blood dripping from its mouth.

I was drenched in cold sweat and my blankets were so soaked it was as if they had been dunked in a river. Running so hot as a wolf certainly did not help my shivering.

"Bella?" came Charlie's voice from the door. "Bella, are you okay?"

I got up and walked unsteadily to the door. "Just a nightmare, dad."

"You were screaming like you were being murdered. Almost gave me a heart attack," he said, drawing a sharp breath.

"I'm fine. Really." I hoped my lie was not as transparent as it felt.

He shot me a skeptical glance but eventually returned to his bedroom and started snoring more quickly than I thought he would.

I sat on my floor, shivering, and toyed with the promise ring on my finger until morning.

[X]

On Saturday, I hiked to the waterfall with Jacob. I did not tell him it was Rosalie and I's place. He only agreed to come to help me cope with the loss of my imprint and I was fairly certain no one would consider chasing her memory to be healthy coping.

"I didn't take you for a such intense hiker, Bells," said Jacob, spreading out his large, muscular arms to take in the fresh air. "This place is awesome."

"Yeah. I found it a while ago but it's a long way so this is my first time back in ages."

He turned to me with an uncomfortable sympathy and pity in his dark eyes. "It's good you're doing things, y'know? Sitting around thinking about the leech isn't healthy."

"Why is any of that your business?" I snapped. He ignored my irritation this time.

"I'm your brother. I'm supposed to be there for you when you're down. And if you want me to track down Rosalie and drag her hot leech ass back here I'd be glad to."

It hurt. It hurt that I was surrounded by people who loved me but every word or act of compassion simply made me bitter and angry.

"Let's not talk about Rose today," I said, sitting down on a small boulder by the riverbank.

"No problem. So what's up with that hot friend of yours?"

"Jessica?" The truth was, I had no idea. I hadn't spoken to her since Rosalie left, and once I ran out of excuses she ran out of patience. I racked my brain for rumors. "A couple people said she hooked up with Mike Newton at a party but I think she's still on the market."

"Nice."

I frowned. "It wouldn't be fair to her if you dated."

"What do you mean? You think she's that out of my league?" He smiled boyishly.

"No, I mean, once you imprint… it'd be a lot like Sam and Leah and that didn't end well."

He remained silent for some time before stating firmly, "I think we can fight it."

I thought of Rosalie, and how she bound me to this Earth rather than gravity. It was the best and most powerful feeling I had ever experienced.

"Why would you want to?" I asked, utterly perplexed.

"Because I don't think it's fair. It's the worst part of being a wolf." He stopped that line of thought with an expression as if he were angry at himself. I had no clue why; I wanted him to explain further but I was not going to push him. "Y'know, Jared imprinted while you were missing in action."

"On who?" I feigned interest, but I could not care less.

"A girl at school. Kim. He's introducing us to her this weekend if you want to come to the party."

It sounded like a dreadful time, but I forced myself to say, "Of course I do."

"I got thinking too, that between you and Sam and Jared… the legends said imprinting was rare. None of our grandfathers did. What if it happens to all of us?"

"Take it from someone who can't even sleep or eat anymore because she worries about the future too much; try not to be too concerned about what might happen, okay? Promise me that."

He didn't, but I accepted that it would be easier said than done, especially since I was being such a hypocrite.

He rocked back and forth atop the tree stump where he sat before leaning forward and saying quietly, "I know I said I wouldn't talk about Rosalie today, but I noticed something."

"Yeah?" I steeled myself for the worst.

He stared at his tattered tennis shoes. "You've always got your arms around yourself now, like you're trying to hold yourself together."

I pursed my lips, no idea how to answer.

He took an uncomfortable look at me and gestured at the crystalline water.

My brother — who knew he said something that pained me — whipped off his shirt and jumped in to escape the situation.

And I followed him.

I didn't want to think about it either.

[X]

They say if you drink enough vodka it tastes like love. Maybe I was never in love because I had almost a whole bottle and it tasted nothing like Rosalie.

I conjured an image of her in my mind as I took another swig. The shape of her perfect lips, the way her golden hair fell, the intoxicating way she smelled.

I was on the La Push beach in the dark of the weekend night with the pack. The bonfire was bright, the sea was lapping against the shore and the night rang with the laughter of the wolf pack. But I just sat on my driftwood perch, slowly downing an entire bottle of raspberry Smirnoff.

Leah attempted to talk to me, but made so little progress that I knew I needed to somehow dismiss the conversation and set her free of my broken brain.

"It doesn't actually matter. Really, in the scheme of things, nothing matters at all." I stared bitterly at the bottom of the empty bottle, rubbing my sore chapped lips together.

Leah furrowed her brow in deep thought. At last she looked up and made eye contact. "If nothing really matters, like you say, then why ever settle for being afraid or unhappy?"

Maybe I was just drunk, but she made more sense than anyone else trying to pull me out of my depression lately.

My lack of inhibition drove me shakily to my feet. "You're right. I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired of being unhappy."

"Good." Leah moved to hug me before I stopped her.

"We're going to kill Amunet," I said with a sloppy smile.

Leah tried to grab me but I slipped away. "Okay, look, that isn't —"

I strode forward towards the bonfire and spoke in a tone that commanded the entire pack to circle around me in silence, "All of you! The alpha has new orders!"

"Bella, Bella, you're drunk. This isn't a good idea," quietly pleaded Leah, grabbing at my arm.

I didn't listen to her.

"Here's the deal! Training starts today. We're getting ready to bring the fight to Amunet. I know she and her army are strong. I know even the vampires are afraid of her. But we're not. We're not going to let her continue her conquest, so we're getting in shape starting today!"

Sam stood up, oh so predictably.

"So we're taking on the whole evil ancient vampire army, are we? Us? Look at us. Have you lost your mind?"

"Yes. Look at us. We're responsible for protecting people from the whole evil ancient vampire army!"

"Unless she's on her way to Forks, I say we let the leeches deal with their own. That's their plan, isn't it? Do you want to get us all killed? You're a leech lover after all. Maybe you want the casualties."

"Don't question your alpha," I growled, body on fire.

"I'm not the only one questioning you. We all are. None of us want to die because you're bitter about the leech stealing your girlfriend."

"Amunet is a danger to all of us. It's our responsibility to take her down."

"No. No, it's not." He began to tremble as I bared my teeth at him.

As he started to move forward, transitioning into his wolf form, I advanced on Sam, growling deeply from the alpha within, "You need to sit down and shut up right now." He tensed his muscles and opened his mouth to argue. I repeated, more darkly this time, "You need to sit down and shut up right now."

Finally, he obeyed, looking not unlike a puppy with its tail between its legs.

I spun to face the pack. "If Amunet is still getting stronger, we need to get stronger too. We need to be ready at any moment to defend ourselves, our home, and humankind. It's time to get this pack ready."

Leah said tensely, "Maybe Sam is right. Why should we do that? Why do you think Amunet is our problem, anyway? We protect our land, not every human and leech in the world!"

I crossed my arms. "One of the most interesting things about being the alpha is that I don't have to explain myself to anyone."

No one dared question me further.

ROSALIE

Three weeks after leaving Forks, I stood at a dilapidated gas station, tapping my foot impatiently as I waited for Amunet, Victoria and Angelique to return from their hunt, gazing around at this trash eastern Oregon desert town. The people, the buildings, all of it disgusted me to the very core. I wondered what it would be like if Leonardo DaVinci were alive today to see humanity's progress. He would probably kill himself.

Yet, I still did not know how I could hold vampires at a remotely higher level than humans. I had only been traveling with Amunet for a few weeks and already saw too many things that would sicken even a monster.

We were here to wait for friends of Angelique's. Amunet never gave me an answer when I asked why they were so important.

I was here because my curiosity about Rosalie Hale and Her Special Destiny overwhelmed all else in my mind. I didn't follow her because I truly wanted to help. I just knew I had to leave Forks.

Finally, Amunet, Angelique and Victoria returned from their hunt, scarlet eyes glistening.

Amunet began to monologue once again as she approached me. "I'm rather fascinated by these modern times, walking around the cities. Humans are still humans. They still kill one another for sport, for jealousy, for petty greed. They still let their poor starve. They still pride themselves on ignorance. Humans would sacrifice their own souls to survive, but they never once ask themselves if they deserve to," said Amunet. "Maybe they don't."

Perhaps she had a point. If she did, I refused to admit it, however.

I loved my family. I still was a Cullen even if I was off on this strange journey of self discovery. Carlisle and our clan believed in the goodness in humanity and protecting humans. I always agreed, but only mostly.

I had seen a darker side of humans than they had.

Dark enough that at times I wished Carlisle had never found me, because I would have died rather than live forever haunted.

I didn't agree with Amunet. But I didn't agree with the optimism of my family either.

Every day it became harder and harder to define what I believed in anymore.

[X]

As the sun set over the trashy signs and broken down fast food restaurants, I stood on the balcony of our motel room. Amunet and Angelique had left Victoria and I behind to go meet their friends to gather whatever information they sought, and I was in no mood to be trapped in a tiny room with a woman who wanted me in a way I could never want her.

I almost jumped when I saw Amunet and Angelique striding up the stairs, conversing softly in French. Angelique kissed Amunet on the cheek and walked into the motel room, while Amunet walked confidently over to where I stood, frozen in place.

Amunet stood beside me, resting her strong pale hands on the railing.

"I am not opposed to immortal children the way the Volturi is," she drawled, eyeing me in a way that made me truly uneasy.

It seemed a very strange way to begin a conversation.

"That's interesting." I did not know what else to say.

"I suppose it doesn't matter now that you mated with your wolf."

"What does that mean?" I snarled, gripping the railing fiercely to keep myself from slapping her.

"That she can have children, children that can live as long as you both. You can have a perfect little family. Oh! A vampire and a werewolf in suburbia. How quaint, don't you think? You and your pet wolf and all the puppies you could ever want."

"Bella Swan is a person, not a baby factory, and I would never see her as one. And if you think you can bribe me with promises of…" I trailed off. This was not a wise time to be angry. "I don't see Bella that way. That's all."

"I thought perhaps you simply had guilt about seeing her as your potential for a baby. So why are you so fixated? Why are you so concerned it isn't right to love her?"

"She's the alpha of a species born to kill vampires. She's my la tua cantante. We were designed to kill each other and yet I'm her imprint and she's my mate."

"I think you know there's a reason for that. You don't need my gift to realize it. It should give you hope, not angst."

I blinked and stared at the flickering vacancy sign touched by rays of the pink sunset. "Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have."

Amunet touched my hand. "I once believed that. But when you wander the Earth since before the construction of the Great Pyramids, you begin to understand that hope is sometimes all you have."

"You must have been very lonely." It was hard to empathize with her, but perhaps I did understand that one thing.

"I was, until I met Angelique." She half-smiled, eyes glistening.

I couldn't help but admit, "That was how I felt until I met Bella."

"Then why did you leave her?"

I hated that question.

"I don't know." That was my honest answer. It felt like every small thing reminded me of her and my love for her. It was difficult being away, no matter how much I knew I needed to do this.

"I know why," said Amunet with the same authority she always used when she spoke. "I have lived long enough to know these things. You left her because you are afraid of her, and what she does to your emotions. You need to figure yourself out before you can commit to her."

"I would rather die than be with anyone but Bella," I vehemently and earnestly insisted. She did not look taken off guard by my ferocity in the slightest.

"I didn't say you had to sleep your way across the country. Simply that forever is a commitment many struggle to make. At least immediately. It was even difficult for Angelique and I find my charms quite persuasive compared to others."

"You met her when she was human?"

"I loved her when she was human."

"You loved a human?"

Amunet smiled wistfully. "She was very bad at being human, and I mean that as a compliment."

"So was Bella." I smiled faintly at my own joke.

Amunet touched my shoulder and strode over to Angelique. Victoria lingered awkwardly beside them, holding the door open.

I was Bella's imprint, vampire or not. Bella was my singer, wolf or not. It could be no accident. She wanted to love me, I wanted to tear out her jugular and drink her blood.

But the way I had began to think of her, it was becoming clearer and clearer that she was most certainly my mate.

A vampire and a vampire slayer.

What a match.

[X]

That night, I left the motel with the excuse of going to hunt again. I still ate only animals, no matter how much they mocked me. But I needed a walk. I needed the cold air against my cold skin and to look up at the stars above the desert town.

I could not stop thinking about Bella, specifically the moment in art class when I first noticed how the sun looked reflected in her eyes. I knew I should not have left her, I knew this was as foolish as when Edward ditched Carlisle decades upon decades ago, but I did not regret my choice at the same time.

It was a war in my mind.

After walking for an amount of time of which I lost track, I came across a church.

It looked so much like the one I used to go to eons ago when I was human that I could not help but be drawn to it.

I stepped inside. It was a lonely but beautiful place. In fact, it reminded me a little bit of the empty high school during the dance when Bella and I snuck away for a while.

Bella. I missed her. I missed her deeply. But this was something I must do before I could truly commit myself to her for eternity.

I strode slowly through the empty church, dark and strangely beautiful in such an ugly area. I jumped when I came across a human standing before me, an elderly woman in a habit.

She was clearly blind.

"Hello, darling," she said.

"Hello. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. I was just looking for somewhere peaceful to think."

She fumbled in her pockets and I forgot to pretend to breathe. She pulled out cash and pressed it into my hand. Her skin was almost as cold as mine, but wrinkled and aged. I hated myself for pitying her so deeply, because before I met Bella I would have been envious of growing old.

"Here's a donation for you, darling. It's for widows and orphans," interrupted the strange woman. She tried to clasp the money into my hand but I shook my head, before realizing she could not see me.

"I'm not a widow," I protested. "And I'm far too old to be an orphan."

"Honey, we're all God's orphans and Christ's motherfucking widows. Take the money."

"Why me?"

"Because you're a hurt and lost soul if I've ever met one. You might need it if you have to find a way out or whatever bad situation you're in."

I stared at her for a moment, wondering how a blind woman could see through me so well.

"Thank… thank you," I stammered, shocked at my own discomfort and awkwardness.

"May God bless you, darling. Don't forget that sometimes anywhere is better than where you are."

I escaped quickly, dropping the money in the alms basket on my way out, as I trembled like a human from the encounter.

Was it a dream?

It couldn't have been. I had not had a dream since Carlisle turned me.

Shaken, I strode further down the road, heading along the empty highway to go find some rabbits to feast on to protect my cover story.

Then the headlights blinded me.

"Hey! Hey, please help!" cried out a female voice.

I could not ignore that. I walked further out and saw two young women staring at their busted car in moderate terror.

Who could blame them? Were I not what I am, I would be frightened stranded in the middle of the Oregon desert with a broken down Jeep.

"Do you know anything about cars?"

I smiled. Smiled for the first time since I left Bella.

"Yeah. I majored in mechanics a while back."

One of the girls threw her arms around me in a tight embrace.

"Oh, thank goodness. I was so scared we'd have to deal with some creepy guy!" Her hair smelled like Bella's cheap Prell shampoo she refused to switch to another I suggested. Her blood smelled like Heaven after two days without feeding. My lips began to dry and my throat began to ache, eyes turning black as this desert night before I remembered myself.

"Pop the hood and I'll take a look," I said, gently pushing her away. The succulent smell faded, but not nearly as much as I had hoped.

It only took me a few minutes to see what was wrong with the engine and only a few more to patch things up, at least for now.

"Tomorrow you ought to take this to a real shop, but it should get you out of town safely," I said.

"That was amazing," remarked the blonde. "I wish we could give you something."

My head spun and the ground seemed to swirl beneath my feet as I thought of the one thing I wanted, but I hastily clamped my teeth shut and shook my head.

"I like helping. Stay safe."

The brunette embraced me again and I drew in the scent of Prell and sweet blood once more. I held her a little too long. I didn't do what Carlisle would want and stop breathing. My lips began to betray me and move towards her pulsing neck. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth — and took several staggering steps back.

"Good luck," I forced myself to say, and I bolted from the scene to find rabbits as swiftly as I could.

I did.

But they did not feel like enough to sate me.

Not anymore.

[X]

At dawn, as I stood alone on the balcony of the motel room, gazing down at the flickering neon sign and filthy drained pool, Victoria walked out of the motel room and stood beside me.

"You've been out here all night," she remarked slowly, cocking her head.

I shrugged. "It's not as if we sleep. What were you occupying yourself with?"

"Amunet and Angelique have some fascinating stories to tell. But I think yours of where you were last night may be even more interesting."

"Not really. I took a walk through a dead end town and ate some rabbits." A lie of omission, but not a lie. "What did Amunet find out from those friends of hers, anyway?"

"No idea. She tells me even less than she tells you. You have a destiny, remember?"

"Right. Rosalie Hale and her Special Destiny." It tasted bitter in my mouth despite my unending curiosity.

"I wish I had a special destiny." Victoria shifted strangely on her feet. Her hand twitched towards me before she blatantly changed her mind.

She had the strange mannerisms of someone who had never been loved or befriended and was forced to improvise.

I could relate.

[X]

Amunet insisted that before we met her friends we needed appropriate clothes for the venue she still kept secret. I stood at a designer shop in Portland, trying on this and that.

I felt detached from this world and separated from my own soul.

Was I willing to sacrifice it just to see this through?

Was I willing to lose my family?

Was I willing to lose my mate?

I brushed my manicured fingertips across a garish pink dress and my face fell.

"What's wrong?" asked Victoria. She almost sounded compassionate.

"I was just thinking about how Alice would love this."

I had lived a long life so far. I had learned to get used to sadness. But that did not make it hurt any less. Leaving my family was one of the hardest things I had ever done, and I missed them with a dull ache in my chest that never subsided.

"She would, wouldn't she?" Victoria offered a smile in my direction. I did not return one.

I looked up and saw Amunet and Angelique just outside of a dressing room. Amunet kissed Angelique softly before they resumed their intimate conversation.

I swallowed and tried to return my attention to the clothing.

Maybe I was a hurt and lost soul.

Maybe I was a widow without my mate.

Maybe I was an orphan without my family.

[X]

When, garbed in our new outfits, we entered the surprisingly high end nightclub hidden in the grungiest part of Burnside, the scent of human blood was so strong that my head began to spin. Yet, everyone I could see partying inside was a vampire.

"What is this place?" I asked.

Angelique winked at me and grabbed a drink out of a vampire's hand. "Wait and see. Act natural, enjoy the party, and the main event will answer your questions."

The main event did not sound like anything I wanted to see, much less participate in, but I nodded and watched her take off to the back rooms with Amunet.

Victoria turned to me. "Can I buy you a drink?"

Reluctantly, I replied, "Lead the way."

She took my hand. I knew I should break free of the grasp, but I simply held loosely as we walked up to the crowded neon bar.

I took one look and my jaw dropped before I caught myself and hastily closed it.

Of course they were not drinking alcohol. How could I be so blind? The bottles and glasses were filled with human blood, and I shuddered to think where they got it.

Victoria took one. I declined.

"Not thirsty?" teased Victoria. I expected such a response and so it did not disturb me.

"Not for what's on the menu." I leaned against the bar and stared at the dreadful scene around me. Vampires celebrating their evil.

We stood in silence as Victoria sipped her drink and moved to the music. She was beautiful, but nothing compared to Bella Swan.

I stopped her, knowing I was acting on foolish impulse but unable to stop myself.

"What is it?" she asked, almost kindly, but with a biting aftertaste to her words.

"Can ask you about James?"

She froze, eerily still against the wild beat of the music. She rubbed her lips together before nodding. "What do you want to know?"

"How do you go on without him?"

"He made his choice. I made mine. I came to terms with that."

"You don't miss him?"

"I said I came to terms with it, I didn't say I don't miss him."

"It feels like something in me died, knowing I left and I may never see her again."

"I'm attracted to you for one main reason. When I'm with you, that part of me that died comes back to life."

I wished, so much in this moment, that I could say the same.

But I knew nothing could resurrect that part of me except for kissing Bella again.

[X]

I felt too free as I danced with Victoria. The music, the blinding flashing lights in a rainbow of reds. It made me forget my troubles, at least for a little while.

But suddenly, as Victoria spun against my body, the music stopped and we both parted from each other, standing mute.

The stage lit up in a bright yellow of spotlights, and room fell too silent. My skin crawled as a large vampire male walked confidently out onto the stage and grabbed the microphone.

"Bring out the raffle box! Let's find out who has first bite tonight!"

Two buff vampires dragged out a struggling, bound human whom looked beyond worse for wear. They shoved the human man to the floor on the stage.

I couldn't move. I could not look away no matter how much I knew I should.

The host called out a name and a female vampire eagerly tore her way through the crowd, walking up to the stage to the sound of cries of excitement and wild applause.

She grasped the human tightly and dragged him to her feet, and pried his neck up to her fangs. She bit down. I tried and failed to close my eyes.

He screamed in agony as she drained him of blood and threw his corpse to the floor, laughing as blood dripped from her lips.

Applause.

Applause.

These sick fucks. Who would think that was entertaining?

Angelique and Amunet emerged from the back rooms and smoothly wove through the crowd to stand on either side of me and Victoria. I suppressed a shiver. It did not bode well with me.

I should have expected it when the nightclub host eagerly shouted into the microphone, "And this one goes to a lucky Rosalie Hale!"

It struck me like a stake to the heart. I almost doubled over but kept my back stiff and straight.

The idea of walking onto that stage sickened me to the core.

The brutality, the depravity, the barbarism.

It all repulsed me.

"It's a test of your allegiance," impatiently explained Angelique when she saw my expression.

With a delicate but forceful touch, she led me up to the stage. A hundred red eyes stared at me.

I turned to Angelique as two vampire men as large as Emmett dragged out a human woman in chains.

I knew I would find no sympathy, but I regardless whispered, "I can't do this. It's inhumane."

"We don't have to be humane. We are not human."

Angelique pushed me forward as the rowdy crowd cheered and laughed.

I stared down at the human girl, sobbing on her knees, bound and expecting her death by fangs.

Brunette, big brown eyes, skin almost as pale as her killers'.

She looked just like Bella, but helpless. So truly helpless and afraid and I saw myself and my pain in my last hours as a human within her brown eyes. Afraid and alone but aware of her dark fate.

I would never bite her. I would never harm her. I was not like any of the other vampires in this room.

Gently pushing the human woman out of the way, I shoved the scarlet-eyed host against the theatre wall with as much force as I had in me.

"Bitch!" he spat, blood spraying from his fangs.

"That's Queen Bitch to you!" I snarled. In a wild, impulsive act I couldn't explain, I tore his arm from his torso as he cried out. I dropped it to the floor and spun to face the stunned crowd. "Party's over! Get the fuck out of here before more of you get hurt!"

A few lingered as the rest swiftly advanced on me. Victoria moved forward, arm out protectively but uselessly against the swarm of angry vampires.

I steeled myself, ready to fight or die, but Amunet and Angelique stepped in front of me at the last second. I blinked, stunned.

"I believe my companion said the party was over."

A few retreated, but others continued in their advance until she burst into magnificent light, surrounding her like a magnificent, evil angel. The vampires pale skin illuminated and shimmered as they all made a break for the doors.

Angelique seized my arm and our quartet ran behind the stage and fled into the back alley.

"I suppose she failed her test," purred Angelique.

All I could manage to ask was, "Why did you save me?"

Amunet smiled, scarlet eyes glittering with smug withheld knowledge. "Because I knew this about you, Rosalie Hale. Never forget that nothing surprises me."

I averted my gaze.

She touched my shoulder and left me alone with Victoria.

My fellow Cullen runaway stayed in silence with me for as long as I needed to compose myself.

"So, do you often throw yourself into a room of angry vampires to protect a single human life or is this new for you?"

"I always say I will try anything once."

Victoria smirked and batted her long doll eyelashes. "Anything?"

"Almost anything."

"Why would you risk your life like that?"

"Because it's what I believe in, and nothing is worth fighting for if it isn't worth dying for."

"That's… that's actually beautiful."

"It's just how I feel. I don't know why anymore. I don't know much anymore. I'm just… drifting at this point and…"

I fell silent. I did not know how to explain my madness of late.

"You're figuring yourself out."

"I suppose I can't deny that."

"Speaking of which, I've been meaning to tell you something," said Victoria as she leaned in and pressed her lips vivaciously against mine.

The kiss broke. My hand twitched to slap her but I didn't.

I knew it was the adrenaline, I hoped it was the adrenaline as I purred, "I'm not sure I heard you. Can you tell me again?"

Victoria smirked and leaned in for another kiss. She beat her cold rosy lips in fast, icy kisses across my chin and down onto my tingling neck.

Huskily, she breathed, "Does that clarify things?"

"Not quite," I whispered, taking her by the waist.

But when I kissed her again Bella flashed in my mind. Bella, my Bella, my amazing, beautiful, funny, compassionate Bella.

And I could see nothing but my guilt reflected in Victoria's hungry crimson eyes.

I shoved her away and bolted after Amunet and Angelique.