Disclaimer: This story utilises characters, situations and premises that are copyright Masashi Kishimoto, Shueisha, Shonen Jump and Viz media. No infringement on their respective copyrights pertaining to episodes, novelisations, comics or short stories is intended by KuriQuinn in any way, shape or form. This fan-oriented story is written solely for the author's own amusement and the entertainment of the readers. It is not for profit. Any resemblance to real organizations, institutions, products or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
All plot and Original Characters except for those introduced in the canon books, manga, video games, novelizations and anime, are the sole creation of KuriQuinn. (© KuriQuinn 2016- )
Rating: K
Warning: Spoilers for pretty much everything up to Chapter 699.
Canon-Compliance: As close to canon as fanfiction can possibly be. With a few personal additions :P Takes place during the Blank Period.
AN: Originally, this was just meant to be a quick drabble in response to a prompt and meant to honour of the last episode of Naruto Shippuden. But then my brain decided to put some more details in, and we got this little one-shot. Enjoy.
Not attending Naruto's wedding is one of the hardest decisions Sasuke has had to make since the end of the War.
It's a mark of how much he has changed in his years of wandering that he not only recognises this fact, but also continues to feel conflicted about it long after he's made the choice. In the past, he made decisions and simply moved on—what has been done cannot be changed, after all—but for once, his personal feelings have a place in his rationalizations.
That's also new.
Sasuke has never wanted material or arbitrary things. His desires have always been firmly rooted in goals: aiming to surpass his brother and to be acknowledged by his father, to avenge and restore his clan, to destroy the village that destroyed his family…
Not until he left his home the second time with a barely deserved pardon did he have a chance to experience the world outside of his own ambitions.
He learned to appreciate a warm bed and sleeping long past sun up. The satisfaction of playing with a stray cat or eating food for pleasure instead of only sustenance (he apparently has a weakness for bitter, dark chocolate that he never even realised).
And for the first time since he can remember he wants things.
He wants to read a book for leisure, and not because it might hold some long lost clan secret or technique. He wants to travel to as many places as he can and see if the sunset looks different in Iwa than it does in Konoha. He wants to climb a mountain just to breathe the crisp air, instead of seeing it as a stepping stone to some broader goal.
He wants to go to his friend's wedding.
Naruto is in many ways his brother, through time and through shared experience, and the only close friend he will ever have. (He doesn't see Kakashi as this; to him, the older man will always be the mentor, the surrogate parent where he had none. And Sakura…she's something else entirely, in a category he is only just starting to understand). He owes it to the blond idiot to be there, especially after everything that has happened between them.
And yet…
He knows he can't.
The thing about redemption is that there's no concrete way of determining when it has been earned. And shrugging off his cares to celebrate Naruto's good fortune feels too much like a reward. Whatever else he remains ignorant of, Sasuke knows that he is not yet worthy of that.
It doesn't help that Kakashi has not been subtle in his suggestions that he return for the event. He's all-but formally requested it in letters and coded messages, alluding to how much his presence would mean to the groom and the bride. Hell, the fool actually created an official mission for all Konoha shinobi to find wedding gifts, which Sasuke patently ignored.
The greatest gift Sasuke can give to Naruto and Hinata is his absence.
He knows if he were to show up, unexpected or not, the occasion would immediately be overshadowed by his return. Whispers, distrustful stares and awkward conversation; his teammates creating a protective wall around him to counter the village's collective wariness—
Sasuke cares too much about Naruto, and has enough respect for Hinata, to do something so disrespectful.
Decision or not, however, it is no coincidence that as the cherry blossoms begin to bloom, Sasuke finds himself travelling in the environs of Konoha. Or that on the actual day, he remembers that there is a cliff overlooking the valley which offers the perfect vantage point of the entire village.
It's the closest he has come to setting foot in Konoha since that business with the moon.
That's not to say he hasn't been tempted before; no one will ever know how often or how close he has come since leaving. Perhaps Naruto suspects, if only because he can't help but sense Sasuke's chakra wherever he is. And maybe Sakura, too, because she's always had oddly accurate intuition about his presence, going back to their genin days.
He only ever contacts anyone inside as a last resort. Usually it's requests for intel from Kakashi, sometimes a note for Naruto about information he has learned about Kaguya or questions to Sakura about poison remedies. If required, he will send messages via Sai's ink scrolls, or summon one of Garuda's underlings to do so.
Or to deliver small packages, such as a certain nondescript white box meant to be tucked into the branches of a tiny tomato tree in the ruined Uchiha district.
But Sasuke has always kept himself from walking through those giant doors.
He does the same today, albeit with some difficulty.
It's no trouble to find the tree-ringed grove where the reception is to take place, and with eyes like his, he can make out the tiniest detail with ease.
Naruto and his bride-to-be have not arrived yet—Sasuke doesn't know if they intend to marry before or after the reception—but from the steady thrum of Naruto and Kurama's chakra in the vicinity of the Hyūga compound, he knows it doesn't matter. All is well, Naruto is happy and safe, and that's really all Sasuke needed to make sure of while he was here.
It doesn't stop him from searching out the rest of his comrades.
Sai, who even though they did not start out on the same team has earned Sasuke's respect in the past two years as his most direct liaison to the village, holds hands with Ino Yamanaka. Despite their cold first meeting, Sasuke has become grateful for the former Root operative for being there to protect his teammates when he wasn't. Given what he knows about the other man's history, he's glad that he, too, was offered his own chance at redemption. And Ino is a good, strong woman, despite the irritating tendencies Sasuke remembers about her. He hopes they'll be happy.
(And that's another new thing. Caring about other people's happiness.)
Across the reception area, Kakashi is scrambling out of his official white robes, trying to straighten his suit while handing them off to a harried looking Shizune. Then he makes a sudden beeline for the table with the wedding cake, just in time to snatch two identical white-haired toddlers away from it. Behind him, Manako Inuzuka appears, heavily pregnant and laughing unapologetically at the Hokage's aggrieved expression.
Sasuke's eyes widen in amazement.
As genin, Sakura once confided a vague suspicion about their sensei and the village's demolitionist, but he never paid much attention to it. Even if he had, this outcome would still be surprising to him.
Kakashi deserves happiness as much as Naruto and Sai.
Speaking of Sakura…
There's no point to searching her out, because she might as well be a beacon in his peripheral vision. The embodiment of spring in a dress that matches her hair, she hurries around the cherry-blossom lined grove, directing people to the gift table and helping Tenten wrangle Gai and Lee into their seats with only minimal damage to human or furniture. He watches her lecture them—that's what she has to be doing, judging by the finger-wagging and penitent expressions of the two taijutsu masters—and Sasuke can't help smirking.
She was always bossy.
He imagines that she has made it her personal mission to ensure today goes off without a hitch, and woe betide anyone who tries to challenge her. There are no safer hands to leave that task in, he knows.
Watching all of this, the people precious to him and the village he came from, he feels a distant, long-forgotten tug in his heart. For the first time in his travels, he wants nothing more than to return to his home and his people.
But he can't.
He hasn't yet earned the right to be here, and there are still those individuals roaming the world that want to get to him. Enemies who might seek him out here, and if they realised his presence, might go after the people he wants to protect.
(It doesn't matter that all of those people are formidable warriors, he knows better than to tempt fate.)
Sasuke's brother fought and died to protect this village, the peace and happiness of all the inhabitants; Sasuke must now do the same.
And so he doesn't stay.
Instead, he digs out a crumpled piece of paper and jots down a quick congratulatory note—because he did come all this way, he might as well mark the occasion somehow—and summons a hawk to deliver it.
As he is tying the paper to the bird's leg, he opens his mouth to direct it to Naruto.
Then he pauses.
His eyes are drawn back to Sakura.
She is no longer a whirling dynamo of energy, but a portrait of utter serenity lingering on the sidelines. As she watches the other guests enjoying themselves, the light spring breeze teases at her hair, and she stares off into the distance at something he can't see. There is a wistful curve to her mouth, the barest traces of pink across her cheekbones.
Sasuke is struck, for the first time, with the realisation that Sakura Haruno is beautiful.
He's not quite sure what to do with that epiphany.
He has always had a vague consciousness of her being pretty, but that was ancillary to her personality. Childhood memories remind him of a clingy, too-loud, too-emotional girl who seemed to have made it her mission to drive him insane. Years later, those features gave way to determination and sadness, and through it all she was so annoying.
Looking at her now, he sees her without context, without him nearby to affect her demeanour, and with no dark purpose hanging over their heads.
She is still sad, and he doesn't have to be a genius to know what (or who) she's thinking of, but there's a calmness to her. Among a sea of families and couples, she is alone and yet all he can see is a stalwart strength. It's a state that he is infinitely curious about and jealous of.
Another reawakened sensation. He hasn't felt envious of Sakura since she learned to walk up trees before he did.
A small sting of pain flares through him, and Sasuke jumps as the hawk snaps at his fingers. It shoots him an impatient glare to remind him of the task he has become distracted from.
"Take this to Sakura," he finds himself saying and releases it into the air.
Somehow, it's right that she be the one to convey his congratulations to Naruto. She is the warmest, most genuine person he knows, and if anyone can best convey his feelings about Naruto's nuptials to the loudmouth, it's the woman who probably knows him the best in the world.
There are other reasons, of course, but none he is quite ready to examine just yet.
He sticks around long enough to watch the hawk find its way to her. She is still standing alone, still peaceful but any trace of a smile has disappeared, and she holds herself almost protectively, with her elbows drawn inward. The posture is too reminiscent of the uncertain girl he left on a cold bench so long ago, and so when Sakura's attention is drawn by the hawk's cry, Sasuke is relieved.
He watches as she automatically reaches out for the hawk and takes the message, carefully unwrapping it with an expression of curiosity and studying the single character there.
As her cheeks darken and her smile returns, Sasuke turns to leave.
He's not ready yet.
But one day, he will be.
おわり
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