The Closing Dance Number.

In the St. Mungos closed ward, Cornelius Fudge rocked back and forth, arms bound for his own good. He kept muttering "I'm the Minister of Magic" over and over again.

From outside of the ward, Amelia Bones sighed. She had a lot of work to do. Fudge was judged to be not fit to the be the Minister of Magic ever again. Only due to being judged incompetent to stand trial due to reason of insanity had been the reason why Fudge would not be sent to Azkaban.

"THE UNICORNS! HE'S LEADING THE UNICORNS! AGGHHHH!"

"He's mentally broken," the healer said. "The shock of seeing Hogwarts being destroyed because of the edict that he put down caused him to break."

"A real pity," Amelia said.

"We'll do everything we can, but it's a good thing that he's no longer the Minister of Magic," the healer said. "The years of working in that role threatened his mental stability. And something happened at Hogwarts."

"No, keep away from my nuts you filthy squirrel!" Fudge yelled while giggling like a crack addict after a binge.

Amelia knew her work had been cut out for her, in more ways than one. She had been sworn in as an interim Minister of Magic, and had to deal with the sludge left behind by the Fudge regime. Folders and folders of incriminating information Umbridge collected against several high ranking Ministry of Magic officials waited for Amelia to sort out. Needless to say, a lot of people had been involved in some shady, shady, business.

Oh, Amelia needed a stiff drink. The elevator opened up and the one and only Deadpool said.

"So, what's the deal with Hogwarts?" Wade asked her.

"I don't know," Amelia said. "I'm meeting with several of the parents, and a lot of them think we should start fresh, new, with a new magical school. And after the destruction of the White Knight and his followers, it would be years before Hogwarts could be restored, even if the Ministry had the resources to do so."

Wade wondered what that meant for Deadpool's New Job.

'Hee-hee, you said the title of the story,' one of the voices in Deadpool's head said.

'Technically if you had the job for five years, it technically wouldn't be a new job anymore, right?' the critic in Deadpool's head.

'Quiet you,' the other voices saide.

"And that means fresh, with a new staff," Amelia said.

"DOLORES, PEG ME HARD!"

Amelia put a silencing charm the door to prevent any more unfortunate mental scarring.

"Yeah, I know," Wade said. "I mean, it's been a run, hasn't it?"

"You've most certainly had a memorable five year run," Amelia said. "But, the parents of Hogwarts, agree that the Dumbledore regime played out. And Dumbledore himself, is at the end of his life."

'Wait, Dumbledore's dying?" Wade asked.

Despite all of the insanity and lunacy of his life, Albus Dumbledore most certainly lived a very interesting and memorable life.

"Well, he did say that time grows short and he's closing on his next great adventure," Amelia said. "You can never tell with Dumbledore, but we all know his road for his next great adventure is nearing."

Deadpool responded with a whistle.

'Wow, old age taking down Dumbledore,' Voldemort thought. 'That's really...anti-climatic.'

'To be fair, life is a box of chocolates,' Deadpool thought. 'Sometimes, someone has already eaten all of the good ones, or something along those lines. I think I lost the metaphor somewhere.'

The Merc with the Mouth took a second to figure out his next move. He would have to meet with Dumbledore, towards the end. Although Hogwarts being what it was, meant Deadpool's New Job was finally reaching the end.

'Time to polish up the old resume,' Deadpool thought. 'Wonder if Snape or Filch would give me the good word.'

'I wouldn't hold my breath about that one,' Voldemort thought. 'For our sakes if nothing else.'

Albus Dumbledore appeared one last time at Hogwarts, or rather what was left of it. He had not been here as the Headmaster, or even a teacher or a student, but a guest.

"Albus?"

McGonagall, Snape, Flitwick, Hagrid, and Trelawney appeared at the edge, and the other staff members involved. Filch even appeared and almost swore at the sight of the mess. The ashened remains of the school.

"Don't worry, Argus, it won't be yours to clean up, or I suppose any of ours ever again," Dumbledore said.

"So, this is it, the curtain call?"

Deadpool turned up. Hagrid broke into a series of sobs at the end of Hogwarts and wrapped up Wade in a bearhug which nearly broke his spine.

"Okay, okay, ease up big guy, chin up, it's going to be okay," Wade said.

"You didn't hear about Professor Dumbledore, did you?" Hagrid asked. "He's...well he's...not well."

Deadpool decided to spare Hagrid's feelings this once. A certain voice in his head offered the commentary which Deadpool had been biting his tongue back from saying.

'Was he ever well?' Voldemort thought.

'Must you be cruel?' Deadpool asked.

To be fair, Voldemort excelled at being cruel. It was kind of the thing he did as the Dark Lord. Regardless, Wade's attention had been turned to the entire group.

"Hagrid, all roads end, my road, Hogwarts, and I would like to all to thank you for coming," Dumbledore said. "Admittedly, I have made my share of mistakes which has caused grievous harm. Hindsight, being the cruel mistress it is, can be very harsh. "

"So, you were wrong?" Wade asked.

"I've made my mistakes,," Dumbledore said. "As Harry said, I should have gotten my shit together far sooner."

"Potter's arrogant, and self-absorbed, I suggest you expel him Headmaster!" Snape snapped before realizing they were not at Hogwarts any more. "I'm sorry, force of habit, these things are hard to break."

"Of course, Severus, I understand," Dumbledore said. "I can refer you to a good twelve step program."

"I'm good, Dumbledore."

Minerva, being the one to have to keep them all on track, even if this would be for the final time all of them met with each other.

"So, what happens to us, next?" Minerva asked.

"The Ministry of Magic will give you your well earned retirement benefits," Dumbledore said.

Filch responded to that particular statement with a fist pump and a very excited "fuck yes" to the thought of finally getting everything he felt was coming for him after years of cleaning up the muck.

'Well, there's a happy ending for some of us.'

"And as for what happens, upon the ashes of what was once Hogwarts, an institution destroyed by ignorance of the worst kind, I could not say," Dumbledore said. "I could not say what happens next. I suspect it's best up to the minds of the inquisitive and the imagination. All I can say is I'll wish you all the best in your future endeavors….and I believe I will have one last holiday before I head off to my next great adventure."

Dumbledore walked around and shook hands with all of his staff one at a time.

"Well, there's only one thing left to do," Dumbledore said. "As I said a long time ago, music is far beyond most of the magic we will ever teach at Hogwarts. And we're going to enjoy our last few moments together by getting down and boogeying."

Some music started to play out of nowhere. The staff of the former Hogwarts got down, even a reluctant Snape and Filch, with the Chicken Dance. Dumbledore made his most honest attempt to try and bust and move, but he ended up busting his hip.

Crabbe and Goyle jumped into the area, doing a dance of their own, followed by Dobby, Griphook, Luna, and a very baffled Hermione. Draco walked out and threw his hands u p, disgusted by the display.

Suddenly, his fingers started twitching and Draco joined the display with a Chicken Dance of his own. Ron Weasley snuck out into the dance and did a really bad Moonwalk until Molly appeared and dragged Ron out of the area by his ear.

'I hate each and every one of you,' Voldemort thought. 'What is this nonsense?'

Deadpool started to show his moves, dancing, and moving his hips. After all those hips don't lie and Wade's spilled a lot of very impressive secrets.

Mid-dance, Deadpool stopped and the scene froze around him.

"Well, that's it folks, that's been quite the adventure over the past few years," Deadpool said. "Who knows when I'll be around in the next few months or years, but like the clap, I'm sure I'll pop up when you least expect it and where it makes you most uncomfortable."

The Merc paused.

"Oh, and if you want to sign a petition to get Wade Wilson his own harem story, let's pass it around and get this done. If we work together, we'll get it done in by 2020 or show."

Disclaimer: Internet Petitions are Not Legally Binding.

The music kicked up and everyone reached the grand climax in this grand orgy of dancing.

Deadpool grabbed Snape and twirled him around like a ballerina, until Snape pulled back in disgust. The slow and uncomfortable fade to black occurred as the cast of this story broke into one large dance party.

Well, except for Harry Potter, who as per tradition, barely showed up in this story despite his name being in the marquee of this fandom.

Oh, in the background, another song kicked up, as Captain Griphook and an army of dancing goblins appear.

'We are done with the story.'

'But there's only one person who will get the glory.'

'Don't be a a fool'

'For I'm about to steal your school.'

In the background, Hogwarts repaired itself only to be airlifted off of the ground by Captain Griphook and his goblin troupe as everyone danced in the foreground.

'When you hear our song, what we took.'

'The one and only Captain Griphook.'

'So, it is done, let's be real.'

'There will be no sequel!'

The Ministry wizards arrived to chase the thieving goblins who disappeared into the night with the school. Luna played the "Benny Hill Show" theme on her kazoo as the Ministry wizards chased the goblins as Hogwarts became a speck of dust.

The ghostly image of Stan Lee appeared within the clouds like Mufasa in Lion King and smiled down at everyone as we finally and for real this time faded to black.

End.(Of the Line For You all)