A.N. Another post-ep for 12X15, Alpha Male

Letters

Dear Spencer,

I'm sure the last thing you want to open is a letter from someone you barely know. But Penelope is insisting, and something tells me that you know better than most what it's like to go along, to get along. So, here we are.

As I said, we've only known each other for a short while. But it's been long enough for me to see that you are a man of integrity, who has the esteem of several people I've known for much longer, David Rossi and Emily Prentiss. That's all I need to know.

I have learned that you've cultivated some strong friendships, especially among members of the team. Penelope, I take it, is one of your biggest fans! But I have also spoken with JJ about the friendship you share with her. I won't lie to you. She is deeply troubled over this. But I sense you would want to know that she is also holding strong. She believes in you, and has managed to convince us that justice will prevail.

Garcia is rounding up letters now, so I must go. Please know that I will do whatever I can to resolve your case. And I will do all I can to support the others in your absence.

Yours truly,

Stephen Walker

Dear Spencer,

We've only known each other a few months, so it's probably strange to be getting a letter from me. I know it's strange, for me, to be writing one. I almost turned Garcia down. But then I remembered how it was in Mexico, and how lost you looked, and how we sort of connected. And I wanted to say that I wish we had connected more in the time I've been with the team, in the course of our usual work. I wish it hadn't taken this kind of hellish situation to make that happen.

I've done a lot of undercover work in my time and I think I've gotten pretty good at telling the good guys from the bad guys. You're one of the good guys, Spencer. You need to remember that. In the place where you are, surrounded by the people you are, it can be easy to forget …take it from the voice of experience. But you are one of the good guys. I admire your integrity, and your compassion. And I'm outright jealous of your brain!

So just…remember who you are. And that you have a whole team full of friends working to set you free. Maybe we can get together to raise a pint or two when that happens.

Yours,

Luke

Dear Spencer,

I can't tell you how sorry I am at everything that's happened. From the health of your mother, to your own experience in Mexico…..and now this! No one ever deserved anything less, and I truly hope it will right itself quickly. It looks like JJ's got things covered with your mother, but if there is ever anything else I can do, all you have to do is ask.

We've continued to consult, but it's obvious to this psychologist that you are paramount in everyone's mind. I know Emily is working on getting us taken out of rotation so that we can focus on your case. And I believe Penelope has already been plumbing the depths of the internet. Your team won't rest until you are back, a part of us.

My guess is that you might be worried about JJ, and how she is handling things. She's made a point of telling me that she doesn't mind watching over your mother, and even enjoys their time together. So I'm passing that information along. Please know that I will keep an eye on her, and will step up to help, if it looks like she is open to it. The last thing she would want is for you to worry about her, as well as everything else.

I hope to visit you, but I will defer to the others first. So, what I really hope for, is that you will be home long before it's my turn! Please take care of yourself, Spencer.

Fondly,

Tara

My Dearest, Darlingest, Most Wonderful Baby Boy Genius, my Sweet Boo, my Junior GI Man,

Oh, my poor boy! My poor, sweet, boy! My heart is broken, to think of you in that awful place! But don't you worry, we're going to drown you with letters and visits, and before you know it, you'll be right back at your desk. Which will be covered with cookies, and cake, and every kind of goodie my poor sweet boo could ever possibly dream of!

I wanted to send you brownies, but Boss Lady says they won't let them in prison. Don't you go getting skinnier on me, you hear? If you do, you know I'm going to make it my personal project to put those pounds back on! Do you think they'll let me send you a basket of nuts and seeds?

My little bot babies are still out there combing the internet for any sign of our not-friend. They report in to me every day, and I send them back out with a new mission to save my favorite genius. They'll do the job, just you wait and see. I can just feel it. Any day now!

I need to go and collect the letters from the others. They're all supposed to be finding you puzzles and books to keep you busy, too...but, yeah, I know...five minutes each. So... we'll just send more!

Please don't be sad my Sweet Boo. We'll get you home before you know it.

Love U 2 Pieces,

PG

Dearest Spencer,

I know I'm supposed to be the unit chief, and that I'm supposed to be able to exercise some control here. But you know what PG is like. She is a force to be contended with, and she would not be turned away. So you'll get this little collection of letters from your friends, and, who knows, maybe it will lift your spirits.

I hope this lifts them even more. Fiona has filed an appeal about the bail hearing and she's hopeful that she'll be able to convince another judge that you are neither a danger to anyone, nor a flight risk. So keep your fingers crossed. We may be able to get you out of there a lot sooner than three months from now!

In the meantime…..please don't lose hope. I know, easy for me to say, right? Not so easy to do. Just….focus on the people who love you. The people who believe in you. Like me, especially.

We go back now, don't we? I think we are officially 'old friends', after nearly ten years. My position may have changed, but my heart hasn't. I love you, my friend, and I will move heaven and earth to get you exonerated. Not just acquitted. Exonerated. Home. Free. Sitting around eating Indian food and listening to jazz, just like the old days. Consider it a date!

Right now, I have to go. I'm meeting with Matt Cruz, to see what we can shake loose up the line. I want us working on your case, full time, until you are back to take down Scratch with us. That day will come, Spencer. Please believe it.

I will see you soon, PG's visitation schedule be damned. Being the boss has to count for something!

With much love,

Emily

Dear Spencer,

I'm a whole lot better at writing about serial killers than I am at writing letters. Just ask any of my ex-es. But Penelope insisted, and she's right about us needing to keep you connected. So, here goes.

You and I have been down this road together before. By 'road', I mean that path that you insist on walking by yourself. The one that led you into a morass of grief, when Maeve died, and again with Gideon. Locking yourself in your apartment, playing chess against yourself….they didn't do you any good, did they? They just kept you from the people who love you.

I know I shouldn't say this now, because of where you are, and what's hanging over your head. I should be nice, right? Not remind you of how you got there? But I'm going to, anyway. I know you have a mother, but what you need right now is a father. Actually, what you need is a good kick in the pants, just like the ones my dad used to give me. So I'm passing along the favor.

Listen, I know she's your mother, and no one else's. I know you feel responsible for her. But you are not walking this world alone, as much as you so often try to. You have friends. Hell, you have people who think of you as family. There is one young woman in particular who is not as good at hiding her pain as she thinks she is. Any of us would have helped you. Any of us would have helped you to see the foolhardiness of what you were trying to do with that med, or, short of that, we would have gone with you. You wouldn't have been alone.

Listen to what I'm saying, please. You're in a bad situation. And, yes, you are physically alone. But you have friends who are actively working to get you out of there. There isn't a single doubt in anyone's mind that you were set up for this. And we will get you out.

That's not true of most of the men you're with. Their foreseeable future …maybe their entire future… will take place behind those bars. They'll be fighting for dominance, because it will define how they live the rest of their lives. If you can help it, please don't make yourself a target for them. If it suits them, they'll use you as a tool to get what they want. Try to fly under the radar. Go along, to get along. Be obeisant (yes, I looked it up), if you need to be, even if it grates. You're not in there for the long term. We'll get you out. But what you need to do now, as a member of our team, is to stay healthy. Can you do that?

You have a fan club out here, Kid. A whole bunch of people who love you and want you back in the fold. And I'm a card-carrying member of that club. Listen to the old man. Take my advice. Be well. And be Spencer.

From the esteemed founder of the BAU and dispenser of wisdom,

David Rossi

Hey.

I love you. That's all I have to say.

I love you, and I'm going to get you out of that goddamn place.

I love you, and I can't believe PG is turning this into such a second grade enterprise. That was the last time I wrote a letter and had to stick it in a pouch with all of the other kids' letters. One of our classmates had cancer, but no one actually told us that, because they thought it would be too scary for us. So they just said he was 'sick' and we should try to cheer him up by sending him things….letters, pictures…you get it. Avoiding the scary. Not wanting to taint the rest of us.

Maybe it works in second grade, but it's not working now. Spence, I know where you are is scary, and I know the situation is, too. Letters aren't going to fix either thing. But I guess I actually agree with Garcia that I want you to stay connected. Look outward, not inward. Please. The last time….well, that time, you went so far inside, that I was afraid you wouldn't be able to find your way out. So, please…..don't. Don't do it again.

Wait...you know what? No. Never mind, scratch that. Do what you need to do to survive. Do whatever it takes. If that means going inside yourself…..because, God knows, and so do I, how strong you are in there…. then do it. Just make it out the other side. Don't be in there forever. Because, I promise you, if you get lost in there….I'm coming in after you!

JJ in your brain, can you just imagine it? Or, please God, in your heart. Your very big heart.

As I'm writing this, I'm remembering. In sixth grade, when I was eleven, I was the kid who received that pouch of letters. That was when Roz died. I guess it's a universal response from teachers.

OMG, can you just imagine Penelope Garcia in a classroom?! (Bet I made you laugh! Or at least smile. Please, smile, Spence!)

But it wasn't funny, then. Sixth grade is the beginning of middle school. Puberty. Awkwardness galore. The girls' letters were covered in flowers and balloons. I think I've blocked out their actual words, because all I can remember is this undertone that said they knew something scandalous had happened, even if they didn't know what it was. And the boys' letters were just, "Sorry about your sister. Hope you feel better soon." It was so obviously forced. Nothing about it made me feel any better. I just felt like everyone was talking about me, and my family, and we were already hurting so terribly.

Spence, it's not like that now. PG is just being PG. She loves you, and she means well. Yes, Miss Penelope is collecting our letters, but this isn't second grade. We know how serious this is. And it's not sixth grade, either. The whole team is being as supportive as they can be, and we're all determined to prove you were framed. We….all of us…know you didn't do this. That you couldn't, ever, do this.

As you requested, I haven't told the boys. Mikey wouldn't understand anyway. But Henry is too much like you, I think. He knows something's up, because there are too many holes in logic when I tell him that his Uncle Spence is traveling on a case, but Mommy isn't. And he's visited your mom with me a few times, and can't understand why you would go away just when your mom came to visit. I don't want to have to tell him the truth. So we're just going to have to get you home before I might need to.

Your mom is doing okay. Cassie says she's been in and out, memory-wise and mood-wise. I've seen a little bit of that myself, but no more than before. I think she's getting used to your apartment, and that's helping her stay better oriented. But I think I might need an army to keep her from visiting you! Unless you want her to? I'm in a little over my head with this, but you understand her so much better. If you want me to bring her, I will. If you think it's a bad idea, I'll make sure it doesn't happen.

I can see PG is making the rounds, so I'll end. If I have anything to say about it, you'll see me in person before you see this letter.

You know how deep a place you hold in my heart. I like to think I hold that kind of place in yours, too. I hope you can feel me there, Spence. If you can, lean on me when you need to, because I am one fierce woman when one of mine is in trouble!

I love you. And I'm coming for you.

Dear Mom,

I kind of hope you've missed getting letters from me, because it looks like you might be getting a lot more.

I'm so sorry that I had to leave you. I hope it won't be for long, but I simply don't know just yet.

I thought I was doing the right thing, but I screwed up. I promise you that I didn't do what they say I did. But I should have been more careful. And I should have been more honest with you. I guess I was afraid that you would be afraid. I should have known better. You are stronger than anyone thinks. I've seen that strength all my life, and I should have honored it. I failed at that. I failed you, and I'm sorry. And, because of my hubris, I need to ask you to be strong once again.

I don't know what the future holds. But I do know that, for however long I'm away, JJ will make sure you have everything that you need. She takes care of me like that, too. She's the best friend I could ever have, and I trust her completely, including with the person who means the most to me in all the world….you. You can tell her anything. Ask her anything. She'll take care of it, just the way I would. I hope you will come to love her the same way I have.

I hope you'll love the boys, too. I know, you told me they were rambunctious. But I could tell you were smiling when you said it.

I'm sorry if I've disappointed you. I'm sorry that I took you away from your home at Bennington. That I've dragged you all the way to DC to live with me, and now I'm not even there! You deserve so much better, Mom. When I get home, I promise I will do everything I can to be that better son.

I love you. Forever and a day. Please forgive me.

Your son,

Spencer