Prompt Eight: After the Valentine's Day fiasco, Cana wasn't around to hear that it was all Mira's fault, so she attributes her behavior towards Natsu as repressed feelings that have surfaced as a result of being drunk. Eh, it's not like Natsu's the worst guy she could fall in love with, so Cana figures she'll drag him on a date and see where it goes. Only problem is… Cana's not the only one questioning her feelings toward that damn loveable Pyro.

Corresponds to: Chapter 5

Characters: Cana, Natsu, various FT members, Erza, Meredy

Point-in-Time: Any year after X784, few days after Valentine's Day

Genre: Humor, Parody, Romance

Barring a few mortified and humiliated girls, the Fairy Tail Guild returned to normal after that unforgettable (in a bad way) Valentine's Day. Mira would be receiving stink-eyes from the girls she tried to pair up with Natsu for the foreseeable future – or at least from Lucy, Lisanna, Juvia, and Ultear, Kagura, and Milliana whenever they came to visit or saw the Satan Soul user in the future. Wendy was just mortified beyond all comprehension and hadn't been seen since that 'fateful' day; too busy burying her head in her pillows on her bed at Fairy Hills. Of course the barmaid attempted to make amends, offering free meals and such… But this kind of thing wasn't going to be 'forgiven and forgotten' easily.

Natsu, on the other hand, was used to Mira's wily ways on that godforsaken holiday, and had more or less 'forgiven' Mira. … Though he made it abundantly clear he would never be stepping foot in the Guild on that day ever. again. Erza was also feeling pretty charitable, seeing as how the Takeover mage had gotten a dose of her own medicine and the scarlet knight had gotten her pound of flesh for the barmaid's traumatizing shenanigans.

Cana was strangely inconspicuous for days after the incident – a shame, too. She missed out on grilling Mira alongside the other girls when she openly confessed to the whole debacle. Because of that, the heaviest drinker of Fairy Tail was under the unfortunate misconception that she had repressed feelings for the Pyro. It didn't help that the reason she was absent from the Guild for several days was because she got epically sloshed. Under normal circumstances, you have to understand that it takes a lot of booze for Cana Alberona to get drunk; so just imagine what it takes for her to get epically sloshed.

Yeah. Not a pretty picture, is it? But it happened. And Cana was now under the misconception that she was drunk when she was chasing after Natsu, so the moment she got over her epic hangover, she got to thinking about the prospect of dating the Dragon Slayer. Frankly, Cana never would have imagined pursuing the pink-head in a million years; Natsu was a nice guy to be sure, but he didn't know how to relax or slow down… Whenever he was lounging around in the Guild, he was always whining and complaining about the lack of action. Granted, this would make him a real 'slayer' in bed, in all likelihood, but even Cana liked to get to know guys before getting physical, and Natsu just didn't seem like the dating type.

… But ya can't deny what the heart wants. If she had repressed feelings for the knucklehead, she was gonna make the best out of it and get at least one date out of the whole thing. Not even Natsu could resist her feminine wiles! He'd be putty in her hands in a handful of minutes.

Just as soon as she dumbed it down enough for him. Or stopped sounding like she was three sheets to the wind. 'Caaause… she mighta had a little bit to drink while 'thinking' about dating Natsu. Yeah.

"Hey, Natshu… Wanna… Wanna go get a drink?"

It was about mid-morning, and the Fire Dragon Slayer was lounging around in the Guild Hall with Gray and Happy, since Lucy had been avoiding their group lately, and Erza… Well, she just wasn't there yet.

"Nah. Ain't it a bit too early for that?" Natsu scratched his ear idly and looked up at the brunette. Gray scoffed.

"You forget who you're talkin' to, Flamebrain."

"That's… That's fine." Cana carried on as if she hadn't heard the Ice Make mage. "How about… How about we go out for breakfast, then?"

Natsu salivated at the thought of food. He then shook his head rapidly as he seemed to remember something important, however.

"S-Sorry… Me, Happy, Erza, 'n the Stripper here are supposed to go on a mission in a bit. She'd kill me if I was late…"

Gray held his sides as he laughed his ass off.

"Whipped!"

"Shaddup! You're just as scared of her!" Natsu shouted with a raised fist and a tick mark on his forehead. Before Gray could yell back at the Dragon Slayer, however, the busty brunette latched onto Natsu by the back of his scarf and eccentrically dragged him out of the Guild at a high rate of speed.

"I'll have ya back before ya know it! Let's gooo!"

Gray blinked dumbly at the dust cloud left in the drunkard's wake, and shared a look with Happy, who was similarly perplexed at the brunette's attitude. Lisanna, who was grudgingly helping her sister serve drinks, shot a suspicious glare at the barmaid, who held her hands up innocently. She didn't know what had gotten into Cana, but she didn't have anything to do with it! … Y'know, this time.

A short time after Cana had taken off with Natsu, Erza arrived and made her way over to Gray and Happy. Obviously she was perplexed with half their team absent.

"Where are Natsu and Lucy…?" The scarlet knight asked with a furrowed brow. Gray shrugged his bare shoulders, having taken off his shirt without knowing it.

"Lucy went off with Levy again. Flamebrain… well…" He sweatdropped at the knight's penetrating glare. Damn Flamebrain… he was not whipped… Erza was just plain terrifying!

"Where did he go, Gray…?" Erza queried with narrowed eyes. It was Happy that answered, though.

"Natsu didn't wanna leave, but Cana rushed off with him somewhere! I think she mentioned something about breakfast!" The blue cat then pouted. "… They better not be having fish without me."

Erza felt her eye twitch ever so slightly at this explanation. That suspiciously sounded like a date, and the redhead hadn't forgotten what transpired not too long ago. Mira wilted under the look Erza was shooting her way.

"Oh, c'mon! I had nothing to do with it this time! Do you really think that I would traumatize Natsu again so soon?!"

Erza didn't even dignify that with a response. She instead went back to interrogating Gray.

"Did she say where they were going?"

"Uh… no." Gray feebly replied. It figured that Erza would make an issue about Natsu being taken… Gray had no idea about what happened in the Guild on Valentine's Day, but he did know that it somehow involved Natsu, a bunch of girls, and a mischievous Mira. Perfect recipe for chaos.

While Gray and just about everyone else currently in the Guild was waiting with bated breath for what the scarlet knight would do next, the gears were turning in Erza's head, and she did not like the naughty turn her thoughts had taken. Generally speaking, they were scenarios in which Cana got the Dragon Slayer drunk and did some rather… kinky… things…

Yep. Her cheeks were heating up, and there was a dribble of blood leaking from her nose now. Mostly because now for some strange reason her mind was supplanting Cana with herself in those dirty fantasies. Steam blew out of her ears, and Erza finally managed to snap out of her daydreams when her eyes randomly fell on Gajeel, who was sitting off in a corner.

"Muuuooo… You are going to help me find Natsu!" The scarlet knight declared with finality before stomping over to him and dragging him along by the ear. Of course the Iron Dragon Slayer protested at being forced to do anything, much less sniff out Salamander of all people, but he couldn't exactly say 'no' in this situation. That was not an acceptable answer when Natsu's virginity might've been at stake. She was just being the concerned friend; it had little to do with those lustful visions she experienced just now… though the redhead might look forward to that aspect just a bit. … Where had that come from? Natsu was just a friend. Not a boyfriend or lover… a friend. Perhaps her best friend, debatable between him and Mira but still a contender, who she admired and felt very protective about.

Erza Scarlet… a tsundere in the making.

You wanna tell Erza she's overreacting? You go right ahead. You might lose a limb or something, but… y'know. Free speech and all that.

Despite all insistences to the contrary… Cana did wind up dragging Natsu to a bar. Mostly because Cana got it into her head that if she dragged out 'breakfast' long enough, Natsu would be more open to sharing a drink with her… And then… they could let the sexy-sexy times begin…

Hey. You can't blame her for being curious about a blockhead that always has to be doing something.

Well, the date went about as expected. Natsu shoveling food into his mouth, Cana trying to make small talk… The pink-haired stalker in a hooded red cloak sitting at a table a few feet from the bar counter… Wait a minute.

That's right, Meredy of Crime Sorciere, formerly of Grimoire Heart, was stalking Natsu Dragneel. Unlike Cana, who wrote off the Valentine's Day incident as repressed feelings rising to the surface, the pinkette had genuinely developed a small crush on the Dragon Slayer after that little fiasco. Whereas Ultear was livid with Mira, Meredy was a bit more… forgiving, shall we say. After all, if Jellal's thing with Erza did pan out in spite of the angsty past between the two of them, then Meredy would need to explore other options. And though they were potion-induced fantasies when it came to her and Natsu… Meredy had to admit she didn't loathe such fantasies, now that she was of sound mind. He was kinda cute, and his 'simple' mind was pretty adorable. Maybe she could get him to tone down on the fighting impulse, but beyond that, his tenacity to never give up, his love for food, his passion for fishing… Even his home was respectable, considering he built it with his own two hands! Plus, if she joined Fairy Tail, she could see Juvia more often.

Yeah, Ultear wasn't too happy with her adopted daughter's recent infatuation, nor her plans to possibly leave Crime Sorciere for Fairy Tail. Don't get her wrong, Fairy Tail was a respectable Guild, but the pinkette was falling in love with Natsu Dragneel. A boy who accused Ultear of being a cross-dresser and rather insisted on that accusation… Not to mention he was rowdy and a slob. Natsu was a nice boy, but not quite dating material for her adoptive daughter, in Ultear's eyes. … Not that she had much of a say; out of everyone in Crime Sorciere, Meredy had the best chance of joining an official Guild without the Magic Council cracking down on her. Ultear, Jellal, and the former Oracion Seis lived in infamy to varying degrees, but Meredy was largely unknown in comparison.

In truth, the major reason that Ultear didn't want Meredy to leave had to do with, well… Let's just say Jellal crossed the line, and they were working out a way to reverse his fucked up mistake, because this was simply unacceptable…

"Look. I don't trust you – you are not exactly in Erza's good graces, and you nearly brought about a calamity with that Pretty Man Potion some time ago." Jellal told the stout man in no uncertain terms. Kami he hated being desperate. "But. Erza is losing interest. She is starting to gravitate toward that teammate of hers. And even Meldy is falling for that Dragon Slayer. I need something, anything to give me the edge again!"

Ichiya hummed deeply in thought and struck an eccentric pose.

"Have you tried not bringing up your shared past every time you meet the lovely Erza? Maaan."

Jellal groaned and drooped his arms exasperatedly.

"But that's, like, my thing! I must atone for my sins while she treads the path of light! Our tragic past can be the setup for a great romance!"

"Personally, I think you're coming off as rather obsessed about the whole thing…" Pose. "But, if you are really serious about winning over my honey…" Another pose. Presentation of bottle with a questionable liquid within. "Then you need only ingest this, and she shall be your sweet honey bunny!"

Jellal gave the stout man a deadpan, disbelieving expression. Oh, he definitely did not want to 'ingest' that crap now.

"And what exactly is this concoction? Will it horribly disfigure my face like your last potion would have?"

"Fear not! This potion is completely different; it shall not alter your appearance, but merely intensify your manly aura and make you irresistible with the ladies! Maaan!"

Jellal suspiciously plucked the bottle out of Ichiya's hand and eyeballed it.

"So it's a deodorizing Lacrima, then."

"It is like a deodorizing Lacrima, if that will ease your troubled mind."

"…" Jellal did not like this. Not one bit. He wasn't getting a clear answer from the idiot in front of him, and it was driving him nuts. Jellal's conscience was telling him to just walk away. Faaar away. But… If it had the slightest chance of wooing Erza…

Jellal gave a tiny, tentative spray of the bottle aimed at his chest, and immediately regretted it. Whatever was in the bottle was potent stuff. Instead of just altering his face, Jellal immediately noticed that Ichiya was now as tall as him. Or rather… that he had shrunk down to Ichiya's level. And that they had roughly the same chubby body type now. Did we forget to mention the same chiseled face? Yeah. The only things unaltered were Jellal's hair and clothes, which were now too big for him.

"IIICHIIIYAAA! MAN!" Jellal howled in outrage before punting the 'pretty man' with enough force to put Erza's kicks to shame. That was a fucking Pretty Man Potion Mark Two! Much worse than before! No wonder it didn't fucking affect that bastard; he was already like that!

Jellal sobbed pitifully as he sank to his now-stubby knees. Now Erza would never love him! Maaan!

… Yeah. Whatever Ichiya did to that potion, it wasn't contagious, but it sure as hell wasn't as easy to reverse anymore. Natsu could previously fix anyone with one spray of a deodorizing Lacrima, but Ultear had bathed Jellal in deodorizing spray and he hadn't changed back in the slightest. This concoction was definitely more potent in that regard. At least it hadn't affected Jellal's Magic; just his damn appearance.

Worst case scenario: the broody mage would be stuck like this permanently. He would still have a fearsome reputation as one of the strongest Wizards in Fiore, but… he'd be a laughingstock as well. Ichiya's unknown twin brother. Lahar, Doranbolt, and the Magic Council would have a field day if they ever found out; they wouldn't be able to stop laughing, and might even decide that this was punishment enough for Jellal's past crimes… Well, not really, but a more lenient sentence would be given, certainly.

But enough on the Ichiya-fied Jellal and his plight. Cana had challenged Natsu to a drinking game with some questionable stakes ("If I win, I sleep with you, but if you win, you sleep with me."); now, the only reason Natsu agreed to that, really, is because he'd slept with Lucy in her bed before. He didn't know the brunette was alluding to sex or that the stakes weren't much of a bet 'cause it'd be the same result either way (too fixed on stuffing his face); it's not that Natsu was ignorant to sex-related things, it's just he wasn't too good with figures of speech. That, and the scarily powerful girls that he grew up with proved to be pretty good deterrents from pervy tendencies of chasing skirts like Gildarts evidently did.

Well, it was frankly anticlimactic. Natsu sweatdropped as Cana passed out from a nosebleed without even having a drop of booze (at least in his presence). To top it off, she was pervertedly giggling as she did so. Natsu had no idea the lewd thoughts running through the brunette's mind for her to pass out like that, but she was happy, so…

"Guess the victory goes to me…? Eh, I don't care." Natsu shrugged and got up and stretched. He didn't know how long it had been, but he strongly suspected it'd been long enough for Erza to boot him across Magnolia for delaying their departure. Maybe it wouldn't totally make up for it, but he'd get her some strawberry cake before they left or after they got back; that always cheered her up.

Now there was just the question of what to do with Cana. He'd hate to leave her lying here, but it'd be pretty awkward to carry her around; people might stare, and others at the Guild might get the wrong idea… He especially didn't need Gray blowing the whole thing out of proportion; Ice Prick liked taking advantage of such potentially embarrassing situations. Y'know, rivals and all that.

Before Natsu could reach a decision, however, Meredy nervously shuffled toward him and got his attention.

"Um… Hi, Natsu! How's it going?" Meredy spoke up bashfully, barely able to meet his eyes as he turned to her.

"Oh, hey… I saw you not too long ago. You're one o' those girls from Jellal's Guild, uh… Moldy?"

"Uh… No. It's Meredy, th-though you can call me Meldy, if it's any easier for you!" Meredy sweatdropped and held her hands up peaceably, but she needn't have worried. Natsu grinned widely, making the pinkette's heart skipping a beat.

"Oh, my bad! I suck at getting people's names right the first time. Anyways, yeah, I'm good; better than a few years ago. Not that it was your fault!" Natsu hastily added at seeing his fellow pink-head droop a little. He then went with his gut and changed the topic. "So what's up? Need me or Fairy Tail to do somethin' for ya?"

Meredy smiled thankfully at his thoughtfulness. It's not like he'd done anything wrong, either; that day was a strange one for both of them. When the pinkette realized she'd been staring at Natsu's face for what must've been a couple of minutes at least, her cheeks matched the color of her hair and she shook her head rapidly.

"N-No, no, no! I just, um… wanted to… to hang out with you! Yes! I don't know you very well and want to change that." Well… while that was true, she did know him a little, having stalked him for the past few days. How she avoided Erza's hawk-like gaze is still a mystery.

Natsu sobered up at this explanation. It wasn't that he didn't wanna befriend the girl, but…

"Well, I'm goin' on a Quest with Erza, Happy, 'n ol' Ice Prick if they haven't left already. You sure you wanna tag along? I think Erza wanted to do an S-Class, since Lucy has been avoidin' us."

"I was one of the Seven Kin of Purgatory." Meredy deadpanned before brightening up again. "But yeah, sounds awesome! Maybe I can join Fairy Tail after we get back?"

Natsu shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't mind, but you gotta talk to the Master about that." He paused and looked back at the still conked out Cana. "Um. Do you mind helpin' me get her back? I'd feel bad about just leavin' her here."

"Sure!" Meredy chirped and slid Cana's other arm over her shoulders after Natsu did so with the first one. Thankfully, Cana had paid for the meal and drinks up front, so they were able to leave the bar without any hassle.

Yet no sooner did they leave the bar than did Gajeel gleefully kick Natsu back into it with a satisfied smirk on his face. Meredy and Cana didn't go along with him, thanks to the precise nature of the attack.

"So there you are, ya punk! Did you have to make it so difficult by being smothered by Alberona?!" Gajeel immediately paled when he felt the imposing aura of not one, but two women as they cracked their knuckles and advanced on him. Erza from behind him, Meredy from the front, after setting Cana down.

Yes, even Meldy can have an intimidating presence if you push the right buttons. Bad-mouthing and/or attacking Ultear, Juvia, or more recently Natsu will have that desired effect; the stoic, overly logical, underlying angry Meredy of Grimoire Heart hadn't completely disappeared, she just needed the right conditions to be 'summoned'. And Gajeel was fool enough to bring it out of her.

"WHERE'S GAJEEL?! I'MA SMACK HIM!" Natsu roared as he came charging out of the bar again with pupil-less eyes and bared teeth. However, he did a double-take when he saw Erza and Meredy tag-teaming his fellow Dragon Slayer and actually winced when some of the strikes generated seismic shakes and strangled cries from the raven-haired man. Even the classic, randomly-appearing rubber chicken went flying by – it was that fierce of a thrashing.

When the one-sided slaughter was over with, Meredy dusted off her hands, and Erza gazed at the pinkette with a mixture of gratitude, respect, and curiosity. … Gajeel was lying on the ground moaning, of course.

"What are you doing here, Meredy? Are Ultear and Jellal still in town as well?"

Meredy shook her head and rubbed the back of her head sheepishly.

"No, I slipped away for a bit so Jellal could, um… recover… and hopefully get healed." The pinkette muttered under her breath, but Erza heard her loud and clear.

"Healed?! Did something happen?"

Meredy sweatdropped at the redhead's concern.

"Um. You're really better off not knowing. No, really, don't ask." She deadpanned, and then shuddered at the sheer memory of it. "He'll get better… or at least I hope so. Ultear's frantic, Erik and the others are, well, enjoying themselves a little too much at his expense… so I just decided to come visit you guys for a while and get to know Natsu better."

Erza narrowed her eyes at the last bit. It was strange enough that Cana was still showing romantic inclinations toward Natsu, but Meredy was, too? Did Mira's potion work a little too well…?

"You do realize Mira made you feel that way, right? You might not even like…"

"Oh, don't worry about that! I wanna be Natsu's friend first before anything else!" Meredy hurriedly cut her off with a blush. Inwardly, she optimistically added, 'We'll work on being lovers after getting to know one another a bit.'

"Yeah! Meredy wants to tag along on our Quest today!" Natsu added. A tad feebly at Erza's inquisitive glance, he further added, "I-If that's okay."

Erza's frown remained as she scrutinized the pinkette. She could see the ulterior motivations were there, but for the time being Erza would allow her to befriend Natsu and others at Fairy Tail… No harm in friendship.

There might be a problem if Meredy tried going beyond that with Natsu. Though Erza wasn't quite sure why; it was just an unexplainable fact.

"Alright. Let's get back to Gray and Happy; we're delayed enough already. Our client might be cancel on us if we take too long."

Natsu and Meredy scooped up Cana again, while Erza dragged Gajeel along by the foot, uncaring if she was rubbing his bruised face along the cobblestone paths of Magnolia.

"By the way, what kind of Quest is it?" Meredy asked curiously as they walked along.

Erza's brow furrowed at the query.

"I'm not sure, but Master Bob of Blue Pegasus requested our help with a sensitive matter. Obviously as one of their staunchest allies, we couldn't turn him down."

Meredy visibly tensed and shivered at this revelation. Crap. Jellal and Ultear were currently at the Blue Pegasus Guild and trying to return Jellal to normal; Meredy had little doubt that the quest was in regards to the azure-haired mage. Erza was going to flip out in the worst possible way when she caught sight of her childhood crush.

Welp. Sucks to be Jellal…

Author's Note: Ahahaha, I couldn't help but expand that little plot bunny. Jellal going full-on Ichiya, I mean. I'll repeat that I don't hate Jellal; it's just the sheer idea of him being Ichiya-fied… Pfft. XD Ichiya is entertainment gold, I'm tellin' ya; I really should write him more often and in more detail. Maaan.

Hope you enjoyed! I just needed to write something silly before everyone starts getting angry about Trump's election. No political commentary here – just stating how the internet will be going rabid later today… I will have no part of it. :P