Quick note, this chapter takes place in the past. So all things, like 'say/says' will become 'said'. Just clearing up any confusion. This will be a shorter chapter compared to the others. Thank you and enjoy.

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Chapter Four: Forgotten Memories

…

I sighed as I walked through this still not familiar campus. Even though I was surrounded by people of all different ages and personalities, I still didn't feel like I was fitting in. I had made no new friends. In fact, I hadn't made a friend at all. I had been here for two weeks, coming up to three, and I was the same old, lonely nerd. So I had spent all my time in the library, brushing up for upcoming exams. There was going to be a kind of test to see how well we could do when it came to exams.

I was sitting in class as normal, being one of the first students there. Everyone else always showed up late. My class was kind of small – we weren't in some big lecture hall, but rather, in a small little room full of approximately 20-30 students. It all depended on the day. The number of students was irrelevant anyway. I was only here to study and do the best I could.

It was today that we were told to expect a new professor, since our old one was going to retire. After waiting for everyone to arrive, our professor was the last to come through the door. I set my eyes upon him, taking in his appearance. He was fairly tall, with long purple samurai-like hair tied up. He was wearing a smart outfit; smarter than most of the professors here. He was wearing a full on suit. Maybe he was trying to make a good impression or something.

As the rest of the students settled down, he introduced himself. "Good morning, everyone. I am your new professor, Kamui-sensei. But please, call me Gakupo-san if you wish."

Just to be formal, I decided to stick with Kamui-sensei. I didn't realise it at the time but this was someone I would eventually get very close with. And with that, the lesson had begun. I spent any time I could trying to learn about Gakupo – such as his teaching methods, the kind of personality he had, all of that stuff. He appeared to be rather laidback, making him rather likeable amongst the majority of the students. This lead me to believe it would be okay to relax around him; that I'd have no pressure or worries, and could easily discuss anything with him.

The more time I spent in Gakupo's classes, the more I began to feel comfortable around him. I'm sure he had this relationship with other students, but I found it very easy to have simple conversations with him. At first, it was limited to just work and University in general. Then, it started to form into small talk about our outside lives. This gradually came on during the course of about two months – and at that point, I had never told him anything too personal, despite the fact that I considered him to be a friend. Eventually, the conversation just… kind of happened.

…

I was sitting in one of the smaller classrooms that day, a couple of weeks into my extra tutoring. Gakupo had offered to help me out, as I had previously told him I was struggling quite a bit with studying for the upcoming exam set. I had already told him bits and pieces about how I struggle in general with University, yet I never divulged any information in detail.

"So, Kaito-san. I was doing some thinking… Perhaps we should have a full one-on-one chat about your struggles at this University," Gakupo said suddenly, standing up from his desk at the front of the class.

I glanced up from my own desk, after being focused on some study sheets. I felt rather nervous about this kind of talk, yet somehow I felt as though I could go ahead with it. "Ah… Okay?"

Gakupo walked over to a desk beside me, pulling up a chair to sit close. "As your main lecturer and mentor here, I'm obviously quite concerned for your wellbeing. I can see you're under a lot of stress, particularly when it comes to exams. May I ask why that is?"

I let out a sigh, pausing to think for a moment. Even I'm not entirely sure. "I think it's just… the whole pressure of being here. I've been at this University for around…three months? And no matter what, people just don't want to be friends with me," I muttered. I felt pathetic whining to my teacher about friendship problems; it's as if I were sixteen years old again.

I could hear Gakupo give a heavy sigh upon hearing my words. "Ah, so that's what it is… It seems as though that's their loss, for not giving you a chance. You're a wonderfully smart student, Kaito-san. There's no reason for them to push you aside," he responded.

I couldn't help but feel my cheeks heat up at what he said. I had never heard someone say such nice words before, even if it was from a teacher. No… But he wasn't just a teacher. He was a friend, I'm sure of it. "Thank you for that, Kamui-sensei…" I quietly said, glancing down at my desk for a moment.

"Of course, Kaito-san," he smiled. "However, I think it's best if you don't worry yourself too much over friendships. I realise that is probably very easy for me to say… But you'll feel a lot better after ridding yourself of such stress. In the meantime, if you wish, I could be a friend to you."

Once again, I paused to think about this. I had already decided that Gakupo was sort of like a friend, rather than just a teacher… "Would that be too strange…?" I shyly wondered, letting out a nervous laugh after.

Gakupo laughed at this as well, before shaking his head. "I don't think so? I try not to think of myself as too important when it comes to these situations. I'm just a person, out of all of this. Which is why I could consider us being friends."

…

From that point forward, Gakupo and I actually became close. It wasn't incredibly close; however, there was still a bond there between us that I could feel. We spent whatever time we could together – Gakupo continued with his tutoring, which in turn helped pull my grades up. As the months passed, I started to forget about friendship issues. I focused on nothing but my studying. I gave myself a goal. However, one thing I never anticipated during our growing bond… was that I'd develop actual feelings towards him. I only saw him as a close friend during those months; someone who I could rely on and confide all of my problems to. Whenever I needed someone to talk to, he would always be there to listen. I supposed it was only inevitable and natural that I would grow strong feelings towards the one person I spent most of my time with. However, it still felt unfair. He could have been married or had a relationship with another person, which is why I had ultimately decided to keep my feelings locked away. Not to mention the fact it would most likely be frowned upon, seen as unprofessional… Or even he could have found it too boundary-breaking.

So, that is exactly what I did. During the months in which I had exams, I poured all of my energy into that, trying to push away my feelings in hopes that they would disappear. However, Gakupo was still there to support me during the entirety of my exam period. He would always give me reassuring comments and always asked how my exams went on the days I had them. He was undoubtedly one of the best teachers I ever had – although he and I were good friends, I noticed that he had a tendency to ask every single one of his students how their exams were going. He held no favouritism towards me and that's what I admired the most about him.

It was on one of the last days of the school year that I came to a possible life-changing decision. With the summer holidays approaching fast, I finally racked up the courage to express my feelings towards Gakupo – privately, of course. I didn't even care at the time if he held no feelings in return. I just had to get it off my chest; I had to thank him for all of his help during the year.

…

While the majority of the students at University were packing up ready for the summer holidays, or just preparing in general to move away from the campus, I took it upon myself to try and find Gakupo. He had told me just a few days back that he would be in his usual classroom, ready to receive some of the exam papers.

So, I had headed over there just after lunch time. I came into the classroom clutching a specially-wrapped lunch box which I had prepared for him, as a sort of parting gift. However, as I entered, I noticed there was no one around. The entire classroom was empty. "Huh…?" I whispered, confused by this. As the realisation hit me, I felt my heart begin to sink in my chest out of disappointment.

I walked over to Gakupo's desk, taking in more of my surroundings – only to notice that even his desk was empty. Just as I was about to turn away from the desk to head out, a yellow sticky-note caught my attention. I placed the lunch box down on the desk, to peel the sticky-note off and take it into my hands and read it.

'Kaito-san. I had to leave early. My career requires me to move onto elsewhere. I wish you all the best for your next year at University and I hope you are safe during the summer. I hope you can understand. Thank you for being an amazing student and a good friend. Yours, Gakupo.'

As I took in each word, I could feel the knot in my stomach grow tighter, along with my legs growing shaky and my breathing quick. I could only stare in complete disbelief at the note he had left for me. I felt entirely broken. I was perhaps foolish for thinking we could have had something more than friendship… Which is why I remained emotionless and speechless. Though I could never have guessed the emotional impact this would later have on me. It was just so typical… As soon as I go to tell someone how I feel, they ended up not being around anymore.

It was this moment that made me throw in the towel for University. After being physically and mentally drained due to so many exams, due to having a severe lack of interaction with other students for the full year, and finally after losing the only one who was important to me… I decided that enough was enough. I had to take a break to save myself from being admitted into a hospital for a breakdown. I knew I was at my breaking point ever since I started my exams. Along with this break, I had decided to completely block out any memories I gained from being at University. They carried nothing but bitterness; they only made me upset and angry at myself, especially since I had the chance to confess, yet I wasted that chance.

I knew I had a long road ahead of me after withdrawing from University. I went back home to my parents to reluctantly explain the situation and they gladly took me in, but only temporarily. After that, I remained strong to pick myself up and continue with my life. It wasn't easy, yet nothing worthwhile in life is.

…

I know, I know. A short chapter, but I wanted to give a little insight to Kaito's past. So yes, Gakupo and Kaito did know each other in the past- but due to their individual circumstances, and the amount of time between their meetings, they don't recognise each other just yet. I'm probably going to hold out on a few more chapters until they actually realise, then I'll start to kick in with why Kaito should most definitely have trust issues.