Alex comes home from a mission in October and Yassen quickly realizes something is wrong. Alex is only sleeping an hour or two a night. He's wandering aimlessly around the apartment; checking the fridge but never getting anything out of it. He's not eating regularly - makes himself a cup of black instant coffee every few hours and nibbles on candy, but expresses no interest in anything of substance. He's coming directly back home from school instead of staying out with his friends, and he's not checking in at the Bank.

Three days after Alex came home, Yassen sits down next to him on the sofa and moves to press their sides together. Alex leans into him, just slightly, but that's the only response he shows.

"What happened?" Yassen asks quietly.

Alex shudders and suddenly he shifts, turns and presses his face into the crook of Yassen's neck. Yassen can feel his tears and snot wetting his skin and the collar of his shirt, hear his sobs, feels the dry heaves forcing their way out of his throat, and he only presses Alex closer to him.

After several minutes Alex mostly manages to shove back his cries.

"There-" - a sob interrupts him - "-there was a boy," he says. "He was - he was strapped to - a time bomb, I couldn't - I couldn't make it in time. I only spoke to him for a few minutes, he - thought I was coming to save him. He trusted me, Yassen, and I let him down, he died alone. He was - he was only five, Yassen."

Yassen feels his eyes welling up with tears, lets it happen. Calmly lets the tears slide down his cheeks as he tightens his grip on Alex.

"Why did he have to die?" Alex sobs, voice cracking, muffled in Yassen's shoulder. "He - it's not ifair/i, he was just a kid, he wasn't involved! Why him? Why did a kid have to die?"

Yassen shakes his head. "I don't know," he reveals. "Sometimes - sometimes kids die, Alex."

"I couldn't save him. All my training, everything I've been through, and I couldn't - I couldn't save him." Alex sobs harshly into Yassen's shoulder.

"But you gave him hope," Yassen says. "You did something special for him, you gave him comfort. You did everything in your power for him."

Alex coughs. He keeps crying into Yassen's shoulder, silently now. Yassen rubs his back.

"I know," he murmurs. "I know."

So, fuck leukemia