January 15th, 2023

Yuri rested his arm around Viktor's midriff, blinking through the fog of sleep. He allowed his feet to rest between his lover's legs, feeling the soft hairs rub up against his calves. It prickled, reminding Yuri of the small stubble Viktor had tried to grow recently. Thankfully it hadn't lasted long, and even better was the fact that their wedding photos were blessedly without the tufts of hair on his chin.

Yuri reached out his other hand, stroking it across Viktor's cheek like a whisper. He watched as Viktor seemed to curl into his heat, and Yuri was happy to allow himself to fall into the blissful comfort of their bed.

Katsukoi was at the bottom of the bed, yipping only a little as he no doubt chased the local cat through the terraces of his dreamscape. Yuri wished that he could go back to sleep, to slide into that inky bliss that would caress him like a lover would. However, since the wedding...

Things had been different.

It was different in a good way, in a beautiful way, but at the same time there was still a part of Yuri that he knew was carefully tied in knots. He couldn't figure out how to untie them, how to pull each piece from the loops and bows that were Viktor Nikiforov.

No.

Viktor Katsuki-Nikiforov.

Yuri let his thumb trace the metal band on his hand, feeling the warmth radiating from the metal.

How had all of this happened? How had he been able to cope with every moment since Viktor showed up in the sleepy town of Hasetsu, blown in like a freak storm that grabbed him by both hands and pulled? How had things gone from so different to so wrong to so right?

Yuri remembered the first night Viktor slept in the inn, could remember how his heart beat as the vision of his idol, of his entire world, danced in front of him like a windchime. It would only take a few words, an action that wasn't right, and Viktor would have run away... or so Yuri had thought.

Things changed in that doctor's office; things had become more terrifying and even more real. It was the realest thing Yuri had ever encountered, and it was the most painful thing he probably ever would.

He could remember the feeling of the tile against his fingers as he dragged his hands across the floor in the bathroom that night, after they had gotten home. The grooves made the tips of his fingers ache as he pulled them down. What he needed... what he needed was an explanation. What he needed was a reason.

And it was unfair. It had always been unfair, but Yuri wanted it more than anything. Yuri had wanted Viktor, even the facets of himself he had deemed unworthy... even the part of him that Yuri understood so implicitly for what it was.

It took him months to realize that the feeling growing inside of him as love, and then to understand the way his heart broke into pieces too small to pick up when Viktor had come clean about his illness, about what was inside his veins.

Even now, surround by Viktor's warmth, he could remember the chill. It would never be easy to forget, to wipe it from his memory.

How could the world change so quickly over three letters?

Three little letters, that was all it was. Three little letters and it changed everything but changed nothing. How was that possible?

Yuri loved Viktor. Viktor loved Yuri.

Yet in the darkness of the night, of the warm bed where be could curl up next to his lover, Yuri knew that Viktor was lucky. It wasn't just Doctor Fujimoto and his clinic. It wasn't just Yakov and Yurio. It wasn't even the money, the fame, the support of his fans and those who looked up to him. Not even skating was what Viktor had that others did not.

Viktor had Yuri.

Yuri knew Viktor would never say the words out loud, but Yuri knew why. It wasn't because he loved Yuri any less; no, it never had anything to do with that. It was was part of Viktor's mind, part of his own battle and how close he came to losing against it.

The thought of that left a cold feeling in Yuri's stomach. Just how close had Viktor come to losing himself completely to his own fears?

While he wanted to know, Yuri would never ask Viktor and he knew that Viktor would never tell him on his own. There were some things that they needed to talk about, but this was not one of them. Yuri could see it in the way Viktor smiled at him, the way Viktor held him, the way that Viktor had lived for him.

It was terrifying to know that he held the blond's heart within his outstretched, fumbling hands. What if he squeezed too tight? What if he had listened to what Viktor said and took everything to heart?

Ice skater's hearts were made of glass, after all... so easy to shatter.

It had never been easy—how does one handle the realization that a young man with his entire world and future ahead of him was plagued by an illness that took instead of giving? But he had loved Viktor his entire life, and though part of him wanted to run away he kept himself steady. He did his best, because it wasn't just himself who would be lost if he let himself surrender to the fears.

School had barely covered any of the information about HIV, so it became Yuri's goal to find out everything he could after the rainy day in Fukuoka with doctors and terror and the night with tears and pain. He had started his search in Japanese, pulling up site after site of scant information. The facts were there, the medical coldness making him shiver. It wasn't a problem in Japan, not the way it was in other countries. Only a couple thousand in a pocket of 2-chome, mostly. There were some people with blood diseases years before, who were infected through medicine, but...

It wasn't a Japanese problem.

And yet there was Viktor, perfect smile and big blue eyes, and Yuri remembered the bile that forced its way up his throat. He had hoped that his sobbing, his vomiting, would not wake up Viktor.

The English sites... the history... the fear and death and decay. He had watched all of them with a religious fervor, absorbing as much information as he could, soaking in the hope that so many lived while mourning that so many more had died... so many hadn't been lucky. They didn't have the medicines, the support system, the affection…

They didn't have time.

But Yuri watched, he learned, he did his best to find out everything. This was Viktor Nikiforov, and he was the man Yuri loved.

But now, now things were different. It took seven years, seven long years, but they were in a place where things were finally... good. Things were more than good; they were beautiful. They were safe and sound, tucked into their bed at home while Katsukoi chewed at the futon.

But Yuri knew he wanted more. He knew that Viktor wanted more, too.

"Hey," Viktor whispered against Yuri's arm, turning his head to see Viktor's platinum hair glowing in the moonlight.

"Hey yourself..."

"Did I wake you up?"

Yuri shook his head.

"Then what's wrong, love?"

Yuri smiled at the name, digging his head into the pillow. "Just... tomorrow."

"Me, too..."

"Vikku... what if we don't find what we're looking for?"

But Viktor looked up to him through half-fluttering eyelids and a lazy smile. He leaned forward and kissed Yuri messily on his chin, only catching his bottom lip with the corner of his mouth. "Don't think like that. Even if tomorrow's not the right day, that doesn't mean that next week won't be. Or next month. We've got all the time in the world."

All the time in the world. Even hearing Viktor say that made Yuri smile. If it had been seven years before... Viktor never would have spoken of the future, strangled by the noose that was the past.

"You're right."

Viktor nodded and rubbed Yuri's cheek with the back of his hand. "Think we should bring Katsu?"

"Maybe, yeah... I think it'll make it a little more comfortable..."

"And kids like dogs, right?"

Katsu yipped in his dream (perhaps the cat got away?) and his tail smacked right into Yuri's leg. It didn't hurt, yet he found himself hissing all the same.

"But ours is an asshole."

Viktor laughed, low and deep. "Don't let him hear you say that. He'll pee on our bed again."

Yuri groaned, but that only made Viktor laugh harder.

Viktor saw her first.

It was like she was the earth and he was the moon, caught in her orbit the moment they entered the room.

He moved with an almost dreamlike sway toward the little girl, his face turning blotchy and red. Yuri couldn't keep his eyes off his husband's shoulders, the way he crouched down next to the little girl. She was too young to answer in anything but she did look up and smile, her first tooth cracking through her gums. She held out a toy giraffe and shook it at Viktor, and Viktor could only smile as he lowered himself down to sit next to her, taking the offering he was presented.

They had been talking with the agents for months, had seen the pictures of what she looked like, what her sad smile spoke of, and yet... Nothing had prepared Yuri for this moment.

She was meant for them.

"Katsuki-san," the woman from the child guidance centre said, wringing her hands in front of her, "the paperwork is complete. Your home has been looked through carefully to see if it is safe for children, and we have explained everything carefully. It's good that you brought your pet... But... If you and your husband wish to foster her, then you will have to make the decision soon. Her mother has given up full rights, and she said that the father was non-Japanese. He left the country."

Yuri pushed up his glasses and turned back to Viktor, who had moved to his belly, propping himself on his elbows. The little girl had taken her stuffed animal back, now having it run and jump up and down the planes of his back.

Katsukoi gave out a little bark and tried to pull on his leash, but Yuri held him still.

"She's never seen a dog before... It may frighten her at first."

But the girl's head bobbed up and turned toward Yuri, her big brown eyes wide and imploring, her empty hand outstretched and grasping at the air. Her light brown hair curled around her ears, little pink butterfly clips holding it from her eyes. She looked so small, so delicate.

"I understand. I'll be careful. So will Katsukoi..." Yuri looked up again to Viktor. "Vikku, can you grab her so he doesn't knock her over?"

Viktor pushed himself up and slid himself into a sitting position, gently reaching out to pick up the girl. She wasn't walking quite yet, though Yuri couldn't help but smile as she struck out her feet with purpose, trying to catch her toes on the floor.

Yuri leaned down to Katsukoi, rubbing a hand through his soft fur. "Be good to Chie-chan, okay?"

The dog blinked at him and gave out a little whine in acknowledgment. Or, at least, Yuri hoped so.

She was truly beautiful. Everything from her dark brown eyes to her pale brown hair was perfect. Even the food caught on the corners of her lips made Yuri smile, and that was soon taken care of by Katsukoi.

The delightful shriek as Katsukoi licked her face clean made the breath catch in the back of Yuri's throat and Viktor... Viktor's eyes were brimming with tears. It wasn't often that Viktor cried, but at that moment he had earned the right to shed tears.

"Can we take Chie-chan with us today?" Viktor asked as he sniffled and gently rocked the little girl in his arms. She had dropped her toy and was fully occupied with Katsukoi, who seemed to have fallen in love with her just as quickly as Viktor had... Just as Yuri had the first time he saw her sad smile in the picture. But there were no sad smiles in this moment.

Only joy.

"There shouldn't be any problems with that. We've already set up a time for the social worker from the centre to stop by your home within the next few days. You said that your mother would be willing to stay with you for the first few weeks?"

Yuri nodded as he sat himself down on the floor across from his husband, entranced by the three of them. They looked perfect, like a family portrait hanging on the walls. "We're going to set up the family room... my mother said the baby should sleep on a futon for the first few weeks..." Traditional Japanese families prefered having the futons laid out on the ground, the family sleeping together in comfort of one another. The bed was big enough for all three of them, no doubt—even if they let Katsu sleep at the bottom as he always did—but his mother had been adamant about it.

"She's never slept on a family futon before, so it may take some adjusting," the woman warned. "The room you have set up for her may be more comfortable, though it is your choice."

Talking about beds and sleeping arrangements—all of it was moving so fast. Just the night before he had his legs entwined with Viktor's as the worry gnawed at his belly. Now, they were talking about moving her into their new home, about where she would sleep…

Yuri only nodded to the woman, before turning back to his husband.

"Vikku, am I dreaming?" Yuri whispered to Viktor, who shook his head and ever so gently lifted the little girl up to him, placing her into his hands. She looked up at him and smiled her toothy grin, reaching out to grab at his glasses, then his hair. It hurt a bit, but she let go when Viktor quickly shook the giraffe in her direction.

"No, Yuri... We're wide awake. We're both wide awake." Viktor leaned over and pressed his lips to Yuri's forehead.

"Katya," Viktor murmured, and it was hard for Yuri not to sob as he heard the name like a prayer.

"Yeah... Katya. It fits her." Yuri could remember the pictures of Viktor's mother, the beautiful way she skated with her platinum blonde hair reflecting the light. She was a star that burned out too quickly. But more than that, she had given him Viktor. She had given them this life.

And Katya, so little in his arms, only giggled. She was pure, untainted by the darkness he knew the world had. She would be raised with love, with everything that they had in them, and Yuri was ready for this new chapter, this new, terrifying beginning that opened for them.

"I'm scared."

"Me too."

"Can we be scared together?"

Yuri looked into Viktor's blue eyes, an ocean of thoughts and promises and sweet morning kisses and everything Yuri had ever hoped for, ever dreamed of. Even with the bad, it was still worth it for the good.

This had happened before, so long ago... and yet that feeling of hope was like a fire, words only adding kindling to the warmth of their flame. They could do this. They could do anything, because they had one another.

"I think I'd like that, Yuri."

Yuri could hear his heart beating in his ears and he listened to the blood pumping through his veins. He could hear Viktor's heartbeat and he leaned forward to rest their foreheads together.

And now... he could hear Katya's heartbeat, too.

Hello, guys! I originally was never going to add anything to this story, but unfortunately due to a rash of nasty comments that have been aimed at me within the last few weeks, I decided to be spiteful and just add more to the story.

I wanted to fill you in on some information about Dance of the Red Death for those who weren't aware. I was contacted by someone in the publishing world who was interested in seeing this story published as an original piece of fiction. While this made me collectively lose my shit, it also terrified me.

This story, as you can clearly see, is incredibly personal. I find it very difficult to read through this story because I know what state I was in when I was writing this. As I have mentioned before, when I started writing this in November of last yet, I was facing the deteriorating health of one of my loved ones, and a terrible situation with another. While one of those situations has resolved itself to the best of its ability, the former is still something that weighs on my mind.

I have always fought with the idea of showing the truth without oversimplifying it or sugar coating it. I went into the terrible feelings that people with HIV have, from the emotion first days to starting the medication, to the serophobia that exists in the world. I wanted people to realize that it wasn't a death sentence, but it also wasn't just "popping a pill and feeling better" because if it were, then the world would be perfect.

We don't live in a perfect world. We live in a fucked up world where our best doesn't always mean the outcome is what we wanted. People die. People are broken. But people can also be strong, and resilient. Beautiful are beautiful, imperfect creatures.

I've been thinking about whether or not I should rewrite the story. For me, it will always be the story of a man named Viktor Nikiforov falling in love with another man named Yuri Katsuki.

It's been something weighing on my mind for several weeks now, and I wanted to explain that this is why I have asked for people to hold off on translations and such. I just... I need to figure out what to do, or if it would be too much of a burden on my emotions to have to go through writing this again.

I cried a lot while writing this story; it was probably one of the best therapies I've had in a long while.

Anyway, thank you guys so much for the outpouring of love and support you gave me and this story. I know that the readership was small, but I want each and every one of you to know how much I thank you for staying with me.

All my love.

(If you want to follow me on tumblr—though I mostly post about food, HIV, and Final Fantasy as of late) you can do so at rsasai!)

Please review!