Rating: T

Warnings: None

A/N:

Don't look at me, I know it's been a year since I posted a chapter like I can't believe this is happening. I've been mostly posting my writings elsewhere (check my profile if you wanna get the deets) but huh. I've just rewatching yyh which then made me rewatch hxh which then gave me a big ol inspiration for this chapter. I don't really know what to say besides hello! new readers! and welcome back those who are bothering to return! hopefully next time the wait for a chapter won't be so long.

please enjoy the chapter!

...

chapter 5

the end of something (maybe)

..

The silence Gon leaves behind is a strange and heavy sort; it clings to the air and slope of Mei's shoulders, makes reviving the conversation with Aunt Mito harder than it should be. That's what happens when Gon gets upset though, this Mei has learned easily from the few times this has happened in her life. Her twin is raw in his emotions; if he feels anything, everyone in the vicinity will feel it too like the aftershocks of an earthquake. Gon is a boy who feels with his whole entire being. It is something frightening and awe-inspiring to see in a person so young.

"He's not angry at you," Mei finally says once the clothes are washed and ready to be strung up on the lines. She stands at her aunt's elbow as she speaks, watches the woman go through the familiar motions of hanging the clothes up to dry.

Aunt Mito blinks herself out of a daze like her mind is returning from elsewhere, as if she's seeing Mei for the first time all over again.

"Gon isn't angry at you." Mei repeats with as much surety as she can muster, each word carefully enunciated. She knows her words are the truest things she's ever spoken. "He could never be angry at you. He's just…" her voice tapers and trails off then, lost with all the other thoughts she could never properly say out loud. She wants to say he loves you so much, more than the moon and the sun. But that doesn't mean that it's enough for him to stay. And that's the kicker isn't it, that he loves but he'll still leave.

"I know he isn't angry," Aunt Mito finally says; her smile soft and eyes still sad as if she knows the words Mei doesn't have the ability to say out loud. "He's just frustrated and stubborn. I doubt he's going to listen to me about not wanting him to leave. His father didn't."

The last part is added with a bitterness so rarely heard in Aunt Mito's tone that it catches Mei by surprise for a moment. It makes her wonder how deep the wound Ging's abandonment really cut, how long it took for the pain to stop, how long it took for it to scab over and scar. Her father and aunt only had each other from what she remembers being told, and then Aunt Mito was left with nothing for years after until she took Mei and Gon into her tender care.

"Do you hate him? Ging, I mean." Mei asks, can't help the question that tumbles past her lips.

It seems valid because Aunt Mito is human, and humans love and hate in equal measure, usually the same person because no one can hurt you the same way that someone you love can. Ging cannot be brought up around Aunt Mito without her lips thinning and shoulders tightening, posture defensive and wary and worried. Ging is a ghost that haunts Aunt Mito's memories just as he is a looming specter that Mei has never recalled ever meeting, yet he is somehow affecting her life so thoroughly, shifting her world on its meager axis.

Aunt Mito freezes in her movements, suntanned fingers stilling where they grip the shoulders of one of Mei's dresses currently half suspended in the air and ready to be placed on the line. She turns around quickly, eyes widened, and the damp daisy yellow fabric clutched tightly against her chest.

"Where would you…" she breathes, disbelieve coating her words. Head shaking, she starts over again. "Mei, does it seem like I hate Ging?"

Mei shrugs, suddenly aware that this was the wrong thing to ask even though she's wondered it since she was old enough to realize that her father was someone that existed and breathed the same island air that she does. That they are family in blood and not much else at this point. A father she has but doesn't necessarily need.

"You always get upset when we bring him up or sad. You lied about him being dead, and now you're upset that Gon wants to be a Hunter like him. I'm just…I'm just curious, that's all."

"I don't hate him," Aunt Mito sighs and places the dress back down into the basket. She crouches to her niece's height, work-calloused hands cupping the young girl's face. "Ging's family and I love him, but that doesn't mean I like everything he does. If Gon left you behind without saying much of anything wouldn't you be hurt too?"

Mei nods immediately, mind flashing to dreams where Gon is no longer island bond and never speaks a word of Mei's existence like she's a ghost to be forgotten and never spoken of. She understands Aunt Mito's hurt in an echo of a way that she hopes she never has to actually experience, but the sting of it is still there, the ache and fear of a realistic possibility haunt her more than it probably should.

"That's what I'm still struggling with after all these years," Aunt Mito admits, a small laugh at her own expense. "but I shouldn't have let it affect your judgment of Ging. He's your father. You both are allowed to form your own opinions about him. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Aunt Mito." Mei soothes and leans into the comforting cup of the hand against her cheek. "I understand. I'm sure Gon does too, he just...he just really wants this."

"I know he does. It's such a big decision though. I need time. You understand, don't you, Mei?"

"Of course." it doesn't seem like an easy thing, allowing your children, young as they are, to traverse the world like their father before them no matter what age that father was. Whale Island is safe and sheltered and home; the world outside past the expanse of the ocean isn't.

Aunt Mito's smile becomes something warmer, more relief filled. She leans and places a butterfly kiss on the crown of Mei's forehead. "Thank you, sweetheart. Now, go check on your brother for me, won't you?"

..

..

Gon isn't in the house when Mei looks; it's too cool and quiet as if she's feeling the emptiness of it before she even needs to do a proper search.

His fishing pole is gone from the room, and she knows where he is when he's in a mood like this. There's a small river behind the house that cuts the length of the forest before dropping into the ocean. They don't visit it often anymore, having grown too big for its shallow and tame waters, but the memories of it are a fond sort of comfort. Memories of her and Gon swimming and squishing mud between their fingers and toes and scaling trees while Aunt Mito watched over them with soft smiles and gentle eyes.

There her brother is when she reaches the bank, his body appearing smaller than normal from where he rests against Kon's flank, his fishing pole within arm's reach in the space beside him. Kon is still far from fully grown, but even his juvenile size of an adult wolf makes him formidable and intimidating to anyone that isn't of the Freecss family.

"Hey, Kon," Mei coos her greeting to the foxbear first, letting the great beast snuffle his nose against her side to get in a proper sniff while she scratches at the spot between his eyes. "How are you feeling?" this she directs at Gon who has acknowledged her presence with nothing more than a quick glance in her direction as she walked up.

He shrugs, the sulking unbefitting on his features, but Mei understands. Gon's young and facing his biggest disappointment; he's allowed to sulk a bit if he wants too as long as he doesn't do anything stupid in retaliation.

"Aunt Mito isn't upset with you, you know?" she continues, flopping down on the damp grass next to her brother, their bodies close enough for their shoulders touch, her back leaning against Kon's mass of red-brown fur. It's too hot to be cuddling, but the weather doesn't care what your mood is and what you need for comfort.

"I know," Gon finally admits, thankfully. "I'm not upset with her either. I knew she probably wouldn't say yes the first time I asked, but still…"

"The disappointment doesn't hurt any less because somewhere deep you were hoping she'd agree."

"Yeah," Gon leans until he's resting his head against the curve of Mei's shoulders, wayward black strands of hair ticking her cheeks. "Mei's so smart."

"We're twins. I know you better than anyone, so I know you really want to be a Hunter." I really know how much you want to leave, she doesn't say. "Aunt Mito is worried is all. Being a Hunter is dangerous, so you understand why she got all upset, right?"

"Ging did it, and he was young too." There's a pout clearly evident in his voice, but Mei takes care not to pay too much attention to it.

"Ging also didn't have an older Aunt Mito or an older anyone besides Granny Abe to tell him not to go. He might not have formally told anyone he was leaving if the stories everyone tells are true."

He just up and left one day after catching the Lord of the Lake and didn't come back, they say with awe in their voices and pride in their eyes. Aunt Mito says the same thing but with a different tune.

"But I told."

"But you told," Mei parrots, maneuvers her hand until her and Gon's fingers are intertwined. "because Aunt Mito deserved being told, and you understand that much even if she would have told you no."

"Do you think I shouldn't go?"

Mei almost immediately says no, no I don't want you to go, but she knows if she does that, Gon really might not go with both her and Aunt Mito protesting his departure. Whale Island can't hold Gon anymore though, not when he hears often about stories of places beyond their shores. The world is cruel, this Mei also knows from a feeling deeply etched into her bones from her dreams where Gon is bloodied and bruised and heart an exposed wire on his sleeve and broken because of it.

She doesn't want her brother to end up like that; doesn't want his wide-eyed and honeyed innocence to disappear. She wants to keep him caught in the snapshot of these years they've had together already, all eleven years tapering backward, a seashell trapped in sediment to be fossilized and preserved. But she can't, and she knows that because she knows Gon better than anyone, and she loves him fiercer than anyone she's ever loved.

If she kept him, it'd be a mercy.

If she kept him, it'd be a sad story all the same.

"I love you, Gon." She says instead, swallows down the sudden surge of emotions choking her throat and tightens their fingers together. "I'd give you all the flowers in the world and all seashells in the sea. I'd give you the sun too if I could. If I knew it would make you stay. But I can't, and I know leaving would make you happier because I don't think you're happy here anymore."

"I am happy here!" Gon interjects, frantic sincerity coating his words as he wiggles around enough to trap Mei in a prison of a crushing hold, pressed so close together that they're now cheek to cheek. "I'm happy here with Mei and Aunt Mito and Granny Abe and Kon. I love you all so much."

"I know you love us Gon." Mei soothes, rubs their cheeks together as a form of affection returned since her arms are trapped. "Just because being somewhere else will make you happier doesn't mean you love someone any less."

"Aunt Mito's worried I might not love her anymore though."

"Aunt Mito knows you love her. She's just worried like I said, and you know she gets super protective when she worries about us."

"That's true," Gon agrees, nerves calmed when he leans them both with enough force to end up on the grass right next to Kon's paws.

The foxbear huffs, damp breath ruffling the strands of the twins' hair as he adjusts his position to accommodate them. It's a muscle memory at this point; having spent months in similar positions curled near them both.

Mei deals with the new position with practiced grace, used to numb limbs and aching shoulders from Gon's near constant need to use her as a pillow. But it's always a comfort to have her brother this close like nothing can separate them in moments such as this where they cling to each other as if they're the only two people in the world.

"I'm happy here." Gon repeats suddenly, voice softer than usual. Soft enough that Mei wouldn't have heard it if she wasn't as close as she currently is.

Mei hums just as delicately, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and holding him close as she can. "I know you're happy here, but you can be happier. It's okay to leave just come back, okay?"

…

..

It's a long week before Aunt Mito gives an answer, the atmosphere of the house had shifted just a little making it tense enough to be noticeable, to be a little more careful around each other, for the twins to not make a sound as they clean shot glasses and put up rapidly emptying bottles of alcohol.

The Freecss family has always been an emotional one and any collision has always had the tendency to go nova. But it's also a family of careful compromises instead because that's what you do when you love someone enough; you're willing to compromise with them. At least, that's what Mei has learned through example.

So, Aunt Mito compromises with Gon, has a discussion with him after dinner and Mei is ushered out of the room to help Granny Abe with cleaning the dishes. She's a little offended not to be allowed to know what the conversation is about, but it's important for Aunt Mito and Gon to sort this out themselves. Gon'll tell her anyway, the bare bones and important bits at least.

"Do you think Aunt Mito will let Gon go?" Mei can't help but ask once all the dishes are clean, yet the conversation in the other room isn't done yet.

Granny Abe doesn't pause the familiar ministrations of her knitting. "I know there's not much in the world that can hold you or your brother back when you have your minds set on something." And that's all there is to it.

Gon tells her right before they go to sleep that Aunt Mito will let him take the Hunter Exam if he catches the Lord of the Lake before the ship comes to dock in January. He doesn't waver in his conviction, so sure that he'll make it happen, and Mei knows he will.

..

..

"Can I go with Gon?" Mei asks a few days after the deal between aunt and nephew is struck.

The morning has been spent by pulling fishing nets from the beach's shore so far out that the tourists don't even tread. Both their shoes are gone, and pants rolled up to avoid getting wet, waves lapping at their sandy toes and bare ankles. It's a nice day, no storm on the horizon and the sun is warm and comfortable against their backs and freckled shoulders.

Aunt Mito sighs, hiking the net of fish higher against her shoulder so it won't slip. She cuts a look at Mei from the corner of her eyes, a look of motherly fondness and amusement. "I'm not surprised you asked."

"So, can I go?" Mei asks again, voice raised to match the rising sound of distant crashing waves as not to get drowned out.

"Do you want to go, Mei?"

The girl raises an eyebrow, lips pursed into a frown, confused more than anything. Aunt Mito should know better than anyone that if Gon is going somewhere far away then, of course, Mei wants to be with him. It's simple, really, you aren't supposed to separate twins if you can help it.

"I don't want to leave you alone, but I don't want Gon going alone either."

Aunt Mito sighs once more, a sound to be carried off by the salt-saturated breeze. "I still don't want either of you to leave, but I know it'll be better if you can go together."

Mei expression brightens like the sun peeking from behind storm gray clouds, and she skips forward a few steps, a show of childish excitement so rarely seen these days for reasons Aunt Mito is unable to parse. It's a nice look on her regardless: amber eyes bright, cheeks dimpled, and dark curls springing against her shoulders.

"Thank you, Aunt Mito!" she chirps, her happiness contagious as her aunt spares her own soft smile.

"Just promise me something, Mei Freecss. If you and your brother do end up leaving, promise me you'll keep each other safe."

"Of course," Mei nods, surer than anything.

She'll keep her brother safe if she must, that much she can do. That much she has promised herself to be able to do.

..

..

It's early June by the time Mei musters up the courage to tell Doctor Vonne that she plans to go with Gon to take the Hunter Exam. It happens at the time between when they've finished training and right before the clinic has to open; a lull in the day where Mei has learned that her mentor is most amicable for conversation.

Doctor Vonne is silent for a long stretch of time after she is told, long enough that Mei begins to worry, anticipation clawing at her gut. Before she can say anything, the doctor speaks, her voice still a neutral cadence despite the sudden drop of information.

"What reasons do you have for taking the Hunter Exam?"

Mei, not expecting the question, falters before answering. "Gon...Gon wants to take it."

"I didn't ask about your brother," Doctor Vonne's words are not unkind, but the blunt way they are delivered causes Mei to shrink in a little on herself regardless. "I asked why you want to take the Exam."

"Gon does," she repeats because it's the simplest reason that she knows why she's taking it. The only reason she needs. "and we're twins. We do a lot of things together. That exam is a big thing; he shouldn't have to take it alone. Besides, Gon's taking it because of Ging, why can't I take it because of Gon?"

"That's not exactly the best reason to risk your life to take it." The older woman states, attention still divided between talking and getting the clinic space ready for the day. The soft sound of her bangles clinging together fill the small pockets of silence.

"We won't die." Mei insists, a frown on her face and fingers curling into the fabric of her poppy red skirt. "We're young, but we won't die."

"Older people have died for less, and no one can ever promise that they won't die." The words are delivered like the cold, hard facts that they are. "It's like a doctor saying they'll save every life that crosses through their door. It's unrealistic."

"You've known me long enough to know I'm not a promise breaker."

Doctor Vonne's sigh is a heavy and weary-sounding thing. "I've also known you long enough to know that you are a child that has never left the safety of her island. That sort of naivety does not mix well with the Hunter Exam."

I'm not a child Mei almost snaps back immediately but is able to reign herself in. It would only make her seem petulant, after all, even though she hasn't felt truly like a child for some years now. No one really knows, besides Gon, how odd she feels in her own skin sometimes, how it doesn't feel like it really should belong to her. It's no use spilling secrets and insecurities to prove a point, however.

"This world is built on violence, Mei." the doctor continues, her voice taking a tone Mei equates to when she's teaching, when she's gifting her with words that are important but won't be repeated a second time. Doctor Vonne wastes her breath for no one; her only apprentice included. "You can't jump headfirst into it based on your brother's whim when you're not ready."

"It's not a whim," Mei defends, biting the inside of her lip gently before she continues. How can she say how important this is to Gon, how important this is to her? Gon won't stay and that means she can't stay either. She can't be left behind. She won't be left behind. "and I am ready. You've taught me so much about medicine, and that's the most important thing besides how to defend myself, and you taught me that too. You can't ever truly be ready for anything, can you?"

"You got me there," Doctor Vonne relents just a bit, her smile amused, though not happy. "You'll be even better prepared once you're older and have had an actual chance to visit places well outside the island."

"It might be too late when I'm older." She says, lips pursed into a pout. "Besides, I'm a Freecss, and we don't do things by halves. It's always been all or nothing. How do you think I've dealt with your training all these years?"

"That's a good point, I must admit. I still don't agree with you going, but your aunt has more or less given her approval, and you have a while yet before you have to leave."

"We're taking the exam in January. Gon just has to catch the Lord of the Lake before then."

There's another silence, though this one brief and taken up mostly by Doctor Vonne looking contemplative before she heaves another sigh, shoulders slumping slightly like she preparing to take on a great burden. "Well, since your brother will be busy until then, I'm sure I can keep you occupied as well. There are some things you can still learn that may be useful."

Mei brightens, rushes behind the desk to wrap her arms around the woman's waist. She breathes in the scent of honey and heady herbs, familiar and comforting throughout the years. "Thank you! I promise I'll pass and make you proud."

She'll make everyone who knows her proud, proud enough that her name will be whispered through the sea breeze and across the ocean waves with as much reverence as they whisper Ging's.

...

chapter 5

"What's past is prologue. What's future is epilogue. This right here is maybe chapter four or five."

~Welcome to Night Vale

A/N:

This chapter was supposed to be the end of what I dubbed "halcyon days" but I decided to not bog y'all down with all sorts of things going on so next chapter will be the segue into canon material I promise. There will be more canon characters in the chapter after next! Also this was supposed to have more Gon in it too but I was also like wanted some adult opinions since it's kinda fucked up that HxH world is run exclusively through violence which allows the premise of two 12 y/o to run around nearly killing themselves on a daily to happen and no one is 100% bothered by it. If there're any objections to it it's usually because they're weak and not necessarily because they're young. But we'll get into the nitty gritty of the world later on. It's fun to think about though.

I also wish I wrote more Kite hanging around the island more so you might see some side stories if I feel like it.

*leans a little closer to the mic* kurapika/oc is good but have you heard of kurapika/m!oc because i want to make this happen in the year of 2018 since I haven't seen that sort of content yet. Thanks for listening to my tedtalk.

I love love love hearing thoughts and seeing comments, so don't be afraid to drop in a review if you have the time and energy. I'd really appreciate it since those are a main part of my motivation for continuing stuff! Thanks for reading!