Sup, y'all. Today is gonna be something special. Recently, I've seen numerous JaunexanygirlfromRWBY Drunk Marriage fanfics. The trend was started by Austin Ga Kill and his "A Not So Cold Drunken Marriage" fic (JaunexWinter) and was then followed by blaiseingfire with "A Drunken Archwitch Marriage" (JaunexGlynda) and by Cyberleader2000 with "A Fluffy Drunken Marriage" (JaunexVelvet) and "A Drunken Marriage With Chocolate Liqueurs" (JaunexCoco). Now I know I'm a scrub compared to these guys, but the opportunity was too good to pass on. So presenting you - "The Grimmiest (is that even a word? welp, it is now.) Drunken Marriage" (JaunexSalem).

Disclaimer: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth.

A meeting was about to be held at the great hall of evil in the Grimmlands. Right now, everyone but the leader were present. The group consisted of a classy gentleman-looking man with a brown mustache named Watts, Hazel – a large hairy man, who was currently taking a shut eye, Tyrian – a braided ponytail guy with a mad glint in his eyes that was squatting on his seat, bored out of his mind, the current Fall Maiden Cinder Fall and her two lackeys, Mercury and Emerald. The two were staring outside the window at the hordes of Grimm being born from puddles of darkness until their mistress signaled them to come to her.

"Yes yes, please keep your… Posse in check" Watts taunted the two, earning a growl from Mercury.

"You hear that? Silence. I've half the mind to thank the little girl who bested you." He continued, this time directed towards Cinder.

"If I were you, I'd hunt her down, find her and … well… she took your eye, didn't she?" Tyrian joined in the conversation, laughing maniacally. Cinder's face grew red with rage and embarrassment. She tried retaliate, but when she opened her mouth to speak only a cough came out. Ruby had not only bested her at the Beacon tower, but also left her with one eye and damaged vocal cords.

"Pathetic. Why did you even try-." Watts began his mocking once again, only to suddenly stop, as if he was waiting for something to happen. After a minute of waiting, he looked confused, grabbing the scroll to check the time. The others, even Hazel, who had woken up, also stared at him in confusion.

"What's up with you all the sudden?" Tyrian asked.

"Haven't you all noticed that every time we have a meeting here, our lady would come in at the right moment to interrupt me mocking miss Disaster here. She never misses the chance to do so." Watts explained. "Except today. She's running late. Something must have happened to her."

Then realization hit them as they all looked towards Tyrian, who remained oblivious.

"What?" He asked.

"Tyrian, yesterday when Salem told us she needed some stress relief, where did you take her?" Watts asked him.

"Oh, just some bar at the shores of Mistral. I gave her some hoodie and aviator glasses I found to conceal herself." He casually answered. The others looked at each other, then back at him.

"You mixed Vodka in her Red Wine again, didn't you? Last time you did that, she had a hangover so bad, she started regularly talking to Ozpin as if he was directly in front of her, even though he was nowhere to be seen." Hazel pointed out.

"eeh heh heh heh,… oops" Tyrian began laughing again, not really caring about what he was accused of, but ceased when he remembered all eyes were still fixed on him. "Hey now. It ain't my fault she drinks cheap shit. Wine doesn't mix well with torture, you know?"

Watts groaned, already feeling the headache he will develop once Salem arrives with a soul crushing hangover. "I'm almost afraid to ask, but what happened then?"

"Eehh, she went to some scrawny blonde kid and said" Tyrian cleared his throat, readying his super accurate drunk Salem impression. "Hey kid. Wanna get smashed and partiee?"

With each word, the others grew more and more worried while Tyrian remained with a 'who gives a shit' expression.

"And what happened next?" Watts asked, fearing the answer.

"Hell if I know. I was too busy playing five finger fillet with the drunk mercs and huntsmen. Then I was kicked out. Who knew trained hunters could be such crybabies over losing fingers." Tyrian ranted. "Eh, that place won't be missed anyway. Shame that innkeeper had to go too. She had a nice skirt."

Everyone, except Tyrian, were filled with dread as the doors finally opened. They all stood up to meet their boss, who came in with a furious and pained expression. She looked disheveled and was holding her head in pain. But weirdest of all, she was dragging a scraggly blue-eyed knightly-looking blonde boy with her by using her magic to levitate him upside down. The kid was equally disheveled and was trashing around.

"Cmon, this is not funny anymore. If I was meant to hang upside down, I would have been born a bat faunus or something. Sailaym, - " The boy kept protesting, until Salem reached her throne and promptly dropped him, head first, on the floor.

"IT'S SALEM, YOU IMBECI- AAAGGHH" Salem yelled at him, before another wave of headache hit her, causing her to grit her teeth. The others frowned at Tyrian, who just shrugged. The kid kissed the ground for a bit, before getting up and looking around, noticing all eyes were on him.

"Uuuh, h-hey? Names Jaune… Arc." Jaune smiled sheepishly, scratching his neck. When his eyes fell on a certain crippled maiden in the group however, his expression shifted to one of hatred. But then regained composure when he realized he was in a room with strangers that were no doubt her allies and without a weapon no less. He had to resist pouncing on her, lest he be torn to pieces by everyone in the room.

"My lady, what is this?" Watts finally broke the silence as Salem gestured them to sit back down.

"I thrust Tyrian here already filled you all on what happened yesterday." They nodded. "This" Salem gestured towards Jaune. "And this" she then extended her hand "Is the result."

On one of her fingers rested an elegant ring, enchanted with magic. But what was unique about that ring, was that it was a marriage ring. Tyrian began snickering.

"Hey, firecracker, you heard that? Sounded like the laughter of thousand hyenas just pierced the entire planet." Taiyang asked, opening the window to look around. In the meantime Yang was pacing around the house, looking for something.

"Daaaaad! Stop getting distracted and help me find my aviator glasses. I think I left them next to that hoodie you used to wear, but now they're gone."

Red Wine and Vodka together is pretty fucking bad, kids. Thrust me, I'm from the internet.

Yeah, that was short. Sue me.(just kidding)

The thing is, I'm not exactly sure where to go with this fic. I have some plans and I will make up more as I go on. Ideas would be really appreciated though.

Now, you guys are probably wondering What happened when Jaune and Salem woke up? How did they react to being married? Why Salem didn't just kill Jaune to get rid of him? Those questions will be answered in the next update.