Alex ends up rooming with Snake, a situation he reserves judgment on. He drops his (very few) things in the bedroom and grabs a book he's supposed to have already read for class. After a moment of deliberation, he decides to head back out to the main area. He's stuck with K-Unit for the foreseeable future. He may as well get used to being around them.

Instinctively, he sits in a corner and checks the ways into and out of the room. They're all in easy sight.

Feeling reassured, Alex leans back into his chair and opens to the first page of the book. His concentration, however, is off. He twitches at every little sound, and he's read the first paragraph four times without absorbing a single word of it.

"Cub," someone says, and Alex jumps a little.

"That's not my name," he says. He doesn't look up, trying to force himself on task.

Someone else - Ben, Alex wants to say - sighs. "Alex, come on."

Alex takes a deep breath and looks up. "What's up?"

"Uh," Eagle starts, "no offense, but-"

"Who are you, kid?" Wolf half-snaps. Vaguely, Alex wonders if that's his default tone of voice.

"I thought we had already made introductions," Alex says coolly. "I'm Alex."

"That's not what we mean, and you know it," Wolf replies. "Why do you need a protection detail? You're fifteen."

Alex is legitimately surprised that Wolf has to ask. Though, he supposes he shouldn't be, considering that they didn't even know they were here for him the first place. "If Jones didn't tell you, it's probably classified," he says, returning to his book.

"Listen, Alex, we at least have to know who might be a threat," Eagle says mildly.

Alex blinks. "Um. Scorpia, mainly. But I think MI6 took care of them."

"Scorpia?" Wolf exclaims. "I - what? Why?"

"It's not important," Alex says, though he feels a little guilty for holding it back. "And it's classified. Now can you please let me read? I was supposed to have this done in October."

There's a silence edged with shock. Alex stares at his book unseeingly, unhappy with all the attention being focused on him.

Then Fox - understanding as ever - makes a comment about a piece of news, and Eagle replies. Wolf leans in, though he continues shooting looks at Alex. Nonetheless, Alex feels himself relax as most of the room's tension comes off of him.

Snake is the only one who doesn't join the unit's discussion. Alex can see him watching him over the top of his book.

Somehow, Alex finishes the first page. He flips to the next, studiously ignoring Snake's stare.

"You're sitting with your back to a corner," Snake says unexpectedly, quietly enough that no one else can hear. "You can see everyone in the room and every way into it. You only stop tapping your fingers when you clench your fist at unexpected noises, and you're uneasy at being in a room with people you don't trust."

Alex is, again, surprised, as well as suddenly uncomfortable that Snake had been watching him closely enough to notice. "So?" he says, at equal volume. No need to spread his problems around. "I have anxiety issues." He doesn't explain why, because it /is/ probably classified.

"Fox did the same things when he came back from MI6."

Alex shrugs. "So?"

"They're spy things."

Alex is careful not to look rattled. "I'm fifteen, remember?"

"Somehow, I still wouldn't be surprised."

Alex snaps his eyes up to meet Snake's steady gaze. He slams his book shut.

"Classified," he repeats, and leaves the room.

Alex sits on his bed upstairs, fidgeting with the edge of the blanket. Snake had read him easily - too easily. He's supposed to be good at this.

Maybe if he had been better, Jack would still be alive.

He closes his eyes and lays back. He misses her so much. And it's his fault that she's gone...

He forces himself to stand up. He needs to do /something/ or else he's going to start crying.

His bag catches his eye, so he grabs it and starts putting clothes away. The task takes enough of his concentration that he can relax. Whoever packed his bag actually did a surprisingly decent job of getting his clothes - he has a good spread of just about everything he'd need.

Alex reaches into his bag again, but his fingers brush paper instead of fabric. He looks down, surprised.

An unassuming tan folder rests at the bottom, small red letters in the corner announcing that the contents are Level 10 clearance. Alex picks it up and opens it.

The first thing that catches his eye is the two pictures of him that fill half of the first page. The second thing is a sticky note stuck to the inside of the folder.

/Alex/, it reads. /I was going to give this to K-Unit, but I decided to leave it up to you. All of your information is here - mission reports, medical reports, training.

/I am sincerely sorry for everything that has happened. I wish you good luck and a better life. -TJ/

It takes Alex a moment to place who it's from before he remembers that Mrs. Jones's first name is Tulip.

He reads it a couple more times, expecting to feel anger, but instead he feels a vague sense of relief. He's been given control over /something/ in his life, no matter how small.

Alex flips through the folder, skimming the contents. Everything he's told MI6 is there, plus some things he hasn't.

Every mission. Every place. Every casualty.

Even his most recent.

He stares at the names, feeling guilt tangle in his stomach. How many people would never have died if not for him? Jack, definitely.

"I'm so sorry, Jack," Alex whispers to himself. He closes his eyes as tears spill down his cheeks.

Then, suddenly, a knock at the door. "Alex, can I come in?" Fox asks.

Startled, Alex drops the file back into his bag, which he shoves under the bed. He wipes at his eyes and takes a deep breath before replying, "Yeah, come on."

Fox opens the door, frowns, and immediately flips on the light. It's unexpected, especially since Alex hadn't noticed how dim the light from outside the window had been getting.

Ben sits next to Alex. "How have you been doing?"

Alex shrugs. "Well, you know. Not great."

"That's understandable."

A pause. Alex fiddles with his shirt.

I've heard rumors about Cairo, you know," Ben says suddenly. "Nothing specific, but - well, I know something bad went down. Lots of bad somethings, actually."

"That's an understatement," Alex says bitterly. "I'd rather not talk about it."

Ben puts his hands up in a half-shrug. "That's fine," he says. "I just want you to know that you /can/. With me. Or the others. Snake's a good listener. Eagle's good with advice. Wolf...well, Wolf has his own way of comfort. Doesn't work for everyone. But we're here. And you will eventually have to let someone in."

Alex wants to laugh. Yeah, right, like he has the trust to talk to any of them. "Okay. Thanks," he says instead. His voice is flat.

Ben nods. "Just wanted to make sure that you knew."

"Right. Gotcha." Alex tilts his head, desperate for a subject change. "Hey, when's dinner?"

"I have no idea," Ben replies. "Let's go find out."

Dinner, as it turns out, is whenever someone decides to microwave something in the freezer. It's a little sad, really, but Alex doesn't want to cook without Jack. He /can't/, not yet.

They eat their microwaved burritos in silence. Alex doesn't taste a single bite.

The shot rings out, a neat hole appearing in Julius's forehead as he falls to the ground-

And then, suddenly, Alex is on the ground, his head feeling like it's on fire, looking at himself. Above the cold barrel of the gun, his eyes are expressionless and uncaring.

Alex's eyes snap open in panic. The room is mostly dark, with only small amounts of light from the nightlight on the corner allowing him to see the corners of the room. The bullet scar chimes in with its by-now familiar throb.

His breathing relaxes, for a moment, before the first sob chokes his throat. And then he's all out crying, and he can't stop.

If he isn't careful, he's going to wake Snake. Alex grabs a pillow and shoves his face into it in an effort to muffle his misery.

The figure in the other bed shifts, sits up. Looks like he's too late.

"Cub?" Snake says blearily. "You okay?"

"F-Fine," Alex mutters, but his voice breaks halfway through. So much for that.

Snake is out of bed almost immediately, and he sits gingerly next to Alex. "Nice try," he says. "What's wrong?"

Alex just shakes his head. "I'm fine," he lies. "It's f-fine. Go back to sleep." He fists a hand in his shirt, trying to ease the tightness in his chest, but it doesn't help. And since when is the room this /hot/?

Snake doesn't reply, just places a gentle hand on Alex's back. Alex flinches at the contact but doesn't move.

"Alex, I need you to take deep breaths," Snake says quietly. "Follow my voice. In. Hold. Out. In. Hold. Out."

It takes Alex a few cycles to get it, but, slowly, his breath evens out. His chest still aches, but not as badly as before, and he's stopped crying.

"Thanks," he whispers, not wanting to trust his voice.

"It's no problem. Do you have nightmares a lot?" Snake asks.

Alex hesitates.

"You don't have to tell me," Snake says reassuringly. "Just - if you want to."

"I already got this talk from Fox."

"Well, it still applies. You can talk to me if you want."

Alex bites his lip. He wants someone to talk to, he really does. His emotions are so all over the place that it would be nice if someone could help ground him. But he can't just forget everything that happened and Brecon Beacons, not to mention everything that's happened since. He doesn't trust Snake enough. He doesn't trust any of them enough.

"It's...a long story," he says eventually.

"Well, if you ever want to tell it, I'm here." Snake stands and goes back to his own bed. Alex is surprised to find that he misses the comforting presence of another person.

"Wait, Snake," Alex says.

"Yeah?"

"What you said earlier. About the anxiety and the spy things and all that." Alex hesitates, unsure if he wants to keep going.

"Yes?" Snake prompts.

"You were right," he blurts, figuring that Snake probably already knows. "It's spy stuff."

"I thought so," Snake says. He sounds unsurprised and maybe a little sad.

"Well. So. Good night, I guess."

"Good night," Snake says. "And Alex?"

"Hm?"

"I'm...I'm sorry," Snake says sincerely. "Whatever happened to you - you're too young for it."

"I know," Alex says. "Trust me, I know."

Snake's breathing evens and slows. Alex closes his eyes, but ghosts of flames dance behind his eyelids.

He doesn't manage to get back to sleep.