[Opening Teaser]
Dreams: the ultimate frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Fan Fiction. Its ongoing mission: to explore strange alternate realities, to seek out new endings for overdone tropes, to boldly go where no fan fiction writer has gone before.
Kirk said, "Scotty, what's the status of the Stu Drive?"
Scotty said, "It's finally cooled down after our last adventure but if those anonymous flamers come back, well, we're going to need to overhaul it. I'm working on an improved shield system with Mister Spock."
Kirk said, "We may not have time for that, Mister Scott."
McCoy folded his arms and sardonically asked, "What's that supposed to mean, Jim?"
Kirk said, "Oh, some anonymous reviewer cried like a baby and said the story didn't end with a satisfying conclusion."
Chekov cried, "What! I didn't have a chance to say nuclear wessels – nuclear wessels! There! I said it!"
McCoy asked, "Shouldn't you be rounding up blips and rogues hiding out on Babylon 5?"
Spock said, "I fail to understand the logic of anticipating a satisfying conclusion to a parody, which is an artificial imitation of an original work heavily reliant on satire or irony. The very premise of a parody is ironic."
Kirk laughed, "That's a good one."
Scotty asked, "Does that mean we're revisiting the story?"
Kirk said, "Nah. The author is content to let it stand."
Uhura said, "Then it's a sequel."
Kirk said, "More like a continuation of the story."
McCoy asked, "Should I grab the Easter baskets?"
Chekov said, "I'll grab the vodka."
Scotty said, "That's candy water. Real men drink Scotch."
"Let's not get too carried away," smiled Kirk. "Mister Scott, engage the Stu Drive. Mister Sulu, plot a course to Earth. Engage, Stu Factor Ten."
#TOS x HH#
Captain's Log, Stardate 4919.44: the Enterprise has been ordered to report to Starfleet Command where authorities are currently conducting a court martial against Captain John Christopher. Charges include loss of the USS Calculus, theft of Starfleet property, mutiny, intent to alter the pre-established timeline, alteration of said pre-established timeline, and failure to obey a superior officer. The Judge Advocate General has subpoenaed myself and several officers to testify on behalf of the prosecution.
Spock sat patiently in the shuttlecraft as it prepared to dock with Enterprise. Maintenance crews conducted standard overhauls and upgrades as the ship benefited from its temporary port. The day proved predictable despite the occasional outbursts of human emotion and illogical arguments. He remained fascinated with the defense attorney, Samuel T. Cogley, who made one interesting point: how can anyone really know if the timeline was in fact altered?
Spock attested the return to the present with major historical events intact. However, he conceded the point. Any number of smaller events could have been altered. Until such time that scientific theorizations became proven, it was not possible to preserve original records prior to or post time travel incidents. Temporal shielding was a theoretical premise that suffered lack of successful implementation. The handful of experiments conducted to date demonstrated computers and persons within the field could retain the original records, but once departing the field would revert to the order of events as recorded in newly established timelines.
The prosecutor did not appreciate the forthright response, which might aid the defense in elimination of the alteration of the pre-established timeline charge. However, the intent to alter the pre-established timeline charge remained prosecutable.
The shuttlecraft entered the landing bay as part of a small procession. Scotty had the transporters offline temporarily for maintenance, so loading crews accepted shipments by transport. He did not linger as a forensics team continued its examination of Pythagoras. He went to the bridge to check the scanner calibrations. The duty officer informed him that Kirk left the bridge two hours ago.
Spock went to see the captain. Humans had a need for face to face interactions, particularly if they considered the dialogue exchange lengthy. It was not logical but it was often true. He could easily have rendered a report using the communications network. Finding McCoy with the captain meant a delayed exchange. He became accustomed to impassioned outbursts.
McCoy said, "Told you, Jim. We got all dolled up for nothing." He tugged at the collar of his dress uniform.
Kirk said, "There's always tomorrow. Don't start on that yesterday is in the past bit." He turned to Spock and asked, "What took so long?"
"Captain Christopher has an unusual defense lawyer," said Spock.
McCoy laughed, "Translation – human."
Kirk asked, "Who's representing him?"
"Samuel T. Cogley," said Spock.
Kirk said, "Oh, he's good."
McCoy said, "I remember him. He's a real bibliophile."
Kirk took a quick report from the duty officer. The supply depot wanted Enterprise to assist with a delivery to Saturn of a Class J nuclear fusion reactor core. Few ships in the system had the storage capacity to hold such a large item of cargo. At the moment, Enterprise was the only ship in the system with proper containment features to transport safely the core. The current core suffered a premature failure and needed immediate replacement.
As it would only take two hours, Kirk had no objection. Enterprise was not a cargo ship but to hold resentment to the task was petty. He directed Sulu to pilot the ship to the orbiting depot and handle lading operations of the core. Then he activated the monitor and resumed his viewing of archive materials of World War 2.
McCoy said, "You've been obsessed with that time period ever since we returned. Besides, I thought Christopher pled guilty. Why is there even a court martial?"
Spock said, "His defense attorney is using a curious strategy and claims that Captain Christopher was under the undue influence of the Tholians so therefore he is not responsible for his actions."
"Poppycock," said McCoy.
Kirk smiled, "I know. Look, here's another picture of the team. Can you imagine what it must have felt like when they saw the American tanks entering the camp?"
McCoy said, "Jim – let it go."
Kirk sighed, "I know you're right. Those men had little reason to trust us. They demonstrated courage and dedication to doing the right thing. They were born three hundred years too early."
McCoy said, "Someone had to pioneer the way. I wonder how Mister Cogley is doing."
Kirk knew Cogley was a diligent and persistent defense lawyer. While he may succeed getting some of the charges dismissed, other charges would hold. Loss of a starship, regardless of circumstances, was automatic grounds for a court martial. The evidence surrounding the deaths of the shuttlecraft crew was damning. It was one thing to defend an innocent man and another to defend a guilty man.
Oh the annoying boson's whistle! Kirk did not have so many interruptions when away on assignments. The duty officer reported Commander Robert Jackson with the JAG boarded Enterprise and was on his way to see Kirk. Spock identified Jackson as the lead prosecuting attorney.
The buzzer sounded and Kirk begrudgingly called, "Enter." He saw a man in his early thirties with surprisingly good build for an attorney. The man was a professional including hair trimmed to regulation. Kirk continued, "Good evening, Commander."
"I apologize for this intrusion," said Jackson. "May we speak privately?"
McCoy picked up the bottle of brandy and said, "He's lousy company anyway. Good night, Jim."
"My brandy?"
McCoy impishly said, "Not anymore." He strode out the door with no regrets for appropriating the bottle. Spock took his leave. Kirk motioned for the commander to sit.
Jackson said, "Ah, you're looking at some of the archives."
Kirk said, "Yes. I never used to because it was humanity's worst period in history, but after meeting those people…"
Jackson said, "They had a profound effect on you."
Kirk said, "I know. And to think they almost prematurely died."
Jackson said, "My esteemed colleague has been offering many arguments, one of which is that history did not change."
Kirk said, "Maybe. Oh, we came back and found Earth as it should be. Whatever changes might have occurred were slight and insignificant to the course of history."
Jackson said, "I see. Well, tomorrow will be an interesting day. I hope you're ready."
Kirk said, "I don't need to make any special preparations to tell the truth."
Jackson laughed, "That's quaint. We have the proverbial open and shut case, but Mister Cogley is giving it a good go."
Enterprise lurched unexpectedly and Kirk heard the warp engines accelerate. He hit the intercom button and said, "Bridge, report! Why have we gone to warp?"
Scotty replied, "Captain! Someone's taken control from the auxiliary bridge. We have no control."
"Get security down there," Kirk snapped. "I'm on my way."
Someone was commandeering his ship. Kirk felt his blood boil as he raced through hallways and then stood impatiently in the lift. Jackson accompanied him, not wanting to sit idle. The ship continued rocking and lurching. The person behind the action lacked piloting skills. The doors opened and Kirk joined the group of security personnel attempting to breach the auxiliary bridge.
Kirk snapped, "Blow it open if you have to."
The ship careened wildly and Kirk felt a familiar sensation. No – someone was attempting to slingshot around the sun. Who would do such a thing? He lost consciousness. When he awoke, he saw security guards trying to reassemble. The auxiliary bridge door opened.
Kirk ran into the room and saw a teenage male sitting at the controls. The young man looked dazed and confused. Then he said, "I did it. I really did it!"
Kirk asked, "Who are you?"
The boy said, "Shaun Christopher." Then he wildly laughed, "Victory is ours!"
"Take him to the brig," Kirk snapped.
As the security guards led away the boy, Jackson said, "That's John Christopher's son."
Kirk said, "Smart lad but about to be stuffed out the airlock."
Jackson gave him a queer look as Kirk headed to the lift. He followed Kirk to the bridge. Spock was at his familiar station yet remained in dress uniform. Kirk asked, "What happened?"
Spock replied, "We have time warped. Someone activated the transporter and beamed to Earth's surface."
Kirk asked, "Where? When? I thought the transporters were offline."
Spock replied, "The coordinates indicate Hammelburg, Germany. I do not have enough data to accurately assess the date. Mister Scott finished his maintenance on the transporters approximately one point three hours ago."
Uhura said, "Captain, I am picking up old fashioned radio signals."
"See if you can isolate one of the signals," said Kirk.
It took a few moments before Uhura said, "Captain, it is April 9, 1944."
Kirk rubbed his forehead and said, "Well, we're in a spot. Captain Christopher is determined"
Spock said, "The Judge Advocate General would have no logical reason to bring aboard Captain Christopher."
Jackson said, "I didn't bring him aboard but his son is currently in the brig."
Spock said, "Fascinating."
Kirk said, "I doubt he's wearing a subcutaneous transponder."
Jackson said, "You can't go down there."
Kirk said, "I have no choice. I'm going to talk to his son and see if I can find out what his game plan is."
#TOS x HH#
The men interfered with Schultz's morning roll call count. Hogan kept a careful eye as Schnitzer switched the dogs. Olsen was returning and an airman was departing. As usual, it went off without a hitch. Hogan stopped asking Olsen what he did when he was on the outside. Even though Hogan could hide men in the tunnels, he preferred not to because of the constant cold and suffocating conditions.
Schultz cried, "Colonel Hogan – please!"
"Guten morgen," said Saunders as she approached.
Schultz changed his demeanor and said, "Ach! My lovely weiße rose." There was a chorus of aws and Schultz reverted back to his gruff self. "Stand still and be counted."
Carter said, "Hurry it up, Schultz. I need to catch a rabbit."
Schultz asked, "A rabbit? What for?"
Hogan sighed, "Don't you know anything? It's Easter."
LeBeau said, "That's right. I want to prepare a delightful dish called Lapin à la Moutarde. First you cut up the rabbit and cover the pieces with Dijon mustard. Then you season with salt and pepper. Add a little butter to the skillet over medium heat and sear the rabbit until very crisp. Then you put the pieces on a platter. Melt some more butter, add onions and cook about ten minutes. Then you add wine to the skillet and the rabbit as well as the bouquet garni. Cook for about half an hour or so depending on how gamey the rabbit is. Once the rabbit is nice and tender, you add the crème fraiche and parsley. Magnifique."
Schultz exclaimed, "It sounds delicious!"
LeBeau said, "That's why I need a rabbit."
"Report!"
Hogan watched as Klink descended from the Kommandantur porch and quietly said, "All present."
"I know how to count," said Schultz.
Hogan was only mildly interested in the morning announcements. It being a Sunday, it was the typical reminder that the prisoners were no longer participants of the war. Fortunately, Hogan knew the truth. For almost three years, he continued his participation in secrecy.
"…and I expect you to be on your best behavior when my Cousin Gerhardt arrives."
Hogan returned to the moment. He said, "I thought he went to the Russian Front."
Klink said, "He is a very brave man and just returned, alive and well."
Hogan asked, "How'd we miss that?" Kinchloe merely shrugged.
Klink said, "Now Hogan, don't you or any of your men do anything to embarrass me. If you try anything foolish, I will have you shot."
"I wouldn't dream of it," said Hogan.
"Dismissed!"
Hogan entered Barracks 2 and headed straight to his office. As he set up the coffeepot, several curious faces stood at the doorway. He said, "Come in." From the corner of his eye he noticed Olsen took the window observation post.
As Carter entered he said, "I thought Cousin Gerhardt was gone for good."
Newkirk said, "Yeah, didn't those yanks from the Navy take care of him?"
Hogan said, "Maybe it's the real Cousin Gerhardt coming this time. Klink never found out the last one was a fake."
Saunders said, "I'll go get the knock out drops."
"Stay," Hogan snapped. "Let's not get too upset about this. Like I said, maybe it's the real Cousin Gerhardt." He listened to the sounds coming from the amplifier. Klink was doing paperwork.
Olsen called, "Hail, hail, the cavalry's here."
The men said in chorus, "Wagner."
LeBeau growled, "I wonder what he wants."
Hogan said, "Whoops. We're not doing our Sunday morning parade."
Carter said, "But it's Easter and I need to find a rabbit for Louis."
Kinchloe said, "You really want to eat the Easter Bunny."
Carter shrugged, "Better than thin soup and black bread."
The amplifier revealed activity as Wagner entered Klink's office. Wagner made it a habit to visit Klink when he was not engaged in training his infantrymen. He preferred Sundays, typically a day of rest for his men except those assigned to the basic duties. Klink always had some work to do but made time for the visits.
Hogan listened as Klink talked about his brave Cousin Gerhardt returning from the Russian Front, alive and unharmed. Wagner had been to the front and understood it was a difficult campaign. Hogan covered his face with hand, anticipating the invitation Klink would extend.
"Ah, but you'll have to excuse Cousin Gerhardt," said Klink. "He speaks of humble fare but his tastes contradict such words. The Mercedes in the motor pool belongs to him. He was convinced that he would never have need of it again. Well, I guess he proved himself wrong."
Wagner said, "It sounds interesting. Oh, but to intrude on your family visit!"
Klink said, "He'll be here around ten o'clock. Tell you what. Why don't you join us? If it seems too awkward, you are free to leave. He is a brave man. It's a pity that he hasn't yet found a wife."
Wagner said, "Men like us focus our attention on duty. Still, I have an interesting prospect. I have had to force myself to make the time."
Klink sighed, "I know what you mean. Fraulein Hilda is considering an engagement to a young man. Ah, but she is not confined to this place. These prisoners can be troublesome."
"We should shoot them all and be done with it," said Wagner. "Maybe if you let them mass escape, my men would fine amusement hunting them down to the last man."
Klink said, "I am honor bound to do my duty."
Wagner laughed, "Yes, we have honor but those terrorists do not. We bomb their bases. They bomb our cities. We deplete their military forces. They anger our citizens. They will see defeat."
Hogan unplugged the coffeepot and said, "Oh, this is too much."
"Florence is messing with the horses," Olsen called.
Hogan turned around and realized he was indeed missing his nurse. Sometimes she was a certifiable pain in the neck. He went outside and watched as she tried approaching the horses. One of the guards trying convincing her to step away.
"I just want to pet the nice horsy," said Saunders.
"You are trying to escape," said Wagner as he exited the Kommandantur.
Saunders said, "Hardly. He's not wearing the right saddle."
Wagner laughed. His aide looked confused. Wagner said, "Sie sagte, er nicht den richtigen Sattel nicht tragen." His aide began laughing.
Saunders pouted, "You don't have to be cruel."
Wagner said, "Oh, but I must! We are enemies, remember?"
Hogan said, "Leave the bad man alone."
Wagner teased, "No parade today?"
Hogan said, "It's Easter Sunday. I'm giving the men a parade rest."
Wagner said, "I see. Good day, prisoners."
Hogan watched as the cavalrymen took to their horses and galloped away. He found Wagner annoying but there was little he could do about it. He tried discrediting him once and it failed. Hogan knew the man was washed up even if Wagner refused to admit it. The Krauts needed good officers on the front lines, not in the rear. He also knew Wagner's posting was due to lack of proper political connections.
Saunders said, "Keep interrupting like that and he'll think you're jealous."
Hogan said, "Oh not this again. Why don't you go play cards with Newkirk? I love it when you both try to cheat."
"Okay," said Saunders as she walked to Barracks 2.
Hogan followed and said, "He catches you more than you catch him."
"Maybe I let him," teased Saunders.
Hogan kept swearing that he was going to violate London's orders and convince the Krauts to send her to Ravensbruck. As soon as the papers were signed and the transport past the gates, he would intercept and send her through the escape network to freedom. To this day, she remained the only American military woman taken prisoner in the European Theater. The Red Cross attempted negotiating a repatriation, but the Krauts remained convinced that she was on an espionage mission when her plane was shot down.
Female members of the Special Operations Executive were sent to Ravensbruck along with other notable women. The first time Saunders was shot down, the Krauts sent her there but she immediately escaped and returned to England. That should have been the end of it. However, the wisdom of her commanding officer dictated that she continue her activities with the espionage unit.
Hogan did not know how many missions she participated on until that fateful day when her Gooney Bird was shot down near the camp. The Krauts were reluctant to send her to Ravensbruck. Burkhalter convinced the High Command that Luftstalag 13 was the only camp capable of containing her. Further complicating matters, London posted her to the operation. Every now and again, Saunders participated on missions. When someone was sick or injured, she took care of him.
He decided against violating London's orders despite the latest cause of irritation. Hogan worried about Saunders just as he worried about his men. No – that was untrue. He was forced to worry more about her because the Krauts did not act as gentlemen should when it came to dealing with women suspected of being spies or saboteurs. To date, he managed to keep her safe from the Gestapo and SS.
Then he turned his thoughts to the impending visit from Cousin Gerhardt. Hogan hoped it was not the time traveler. It was a difficult concept to accept. His men still did not know the full circumstances of the peculiar event. They went along with the premise of a secret and experimental program that included Navy personnel. The only persons who knew about the time travelers were himself, Collins, and Saunders.
As the cabriolet entered the compound, Hogan took note. He watched as the man with a familiar face exited the vehicle. Somehow, Cousin Gerhardt managed to return. Hogan knew it was an impersonation but the Krauts would never believe him. He could expect others soon.
Kinchloe approached and quietly said, "He's back. I guess those sailors don't know how to hold onto someone."
Hogan said, "Tell me about it."
Kinchloe asked, "What's the plan?"
Hogan remembered what he witnessed. Kirk vanished and reappeared right before his eyes. He also knew the craft that crashed was capable of orbiting Earth. The man knew the technology. While he was blinded with a bizarre passion to turn Klink into a hero, his knowledge could confirm a Kraut victory. Hogan calmly said, "Kill him."