regret

There were so many things she tried to hide, tried to pretend weren't true, weren't happening. Confusing things, surprising things. Inexplicable things. Things about herself and about Spike, and about the two of them together. Things she promised herself she'd think about properly when the mythical 'one day' arrived and she had time and energy and wasn't trying to stop the world from ending. They'd finally talk properly, how they should've years ago. They'd figure out who Spike and Buffy were when they weren't trying to avert an apocalypse, how they fit into each other's lives. Then maybe...

She always thought she'd have time. That they would have time.

Now he's gone, and she grieves, and she doesn't bother trying to hide it at all, from anyone. She's in pain, she's hurting, and everyone knows it. Well-

Almost everyone.

The person she most wants to know how much she misses him is dust.

~ fin ~

"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid

and deeds left undone." - Harriet Beecher Stowe