Miss You Love

By: rainjewel

Disclaimer: Raise your left hand if you think I own Slayers or silverchair. Your other left, people. You, yeah you in the back…you're wrong. No I don't! You're lying. Don't make me come back there…

Author's Note: I've had the idea for a Slayers songfic for quite sometime, it just took me a while to get around to it. The song is by silverchair (superb band, I might add) . This was written during a rather stressful and emotional part of my life, so it didn't turn out as well as I had hoped. Still, I enjoyed the solace it gave me, so I'm going to let it stay. Most of the name spellings were taken from www.inverse.org, save for the fact that I hate spelling Zelgadis' name with an extra "s." For those of you who have had to run off the dub (such as myself, I just spend too much time on the Internet), here are a little list of translations (which I'm hoping are close to correct). I try to stay away from using Japanese phrases in my work, seeing as how I speak English and I abhor people who plunk down a bunch of Japanese in their story just to…show off? Make me angry? Can't work the English language well enough to write well in it? I don't really know. But there are phrases I prefer to keep in Japanese—here they are:

Sore wa himitsu desu. — "That is a secret." Xelloss' fave saying.

Namagomi — "Raw garbage." Filia's little insult to the Mazoku.

-sama, -san — These are honorifics, used with a name (e.p. "Zelas-sama"). "-sama" is the equivalent of the title "Lord" and "-san" is the equivalent "Mr. or Mrs," ("Zelgadis-san" means "Mr. Zelgadis).

Timeline: Post TRY

Pairings: Xelloss x Zelgadis, Filia + Xelloss

Rated: PG-13

Warnings: Dark, yaoi, het, and OOC, unfortunately.

::Denotes Song Lyrics::

—Denotes conversations between Zelas/Xelloss—

Denotes emphasis

Denotes spells/flashbacks/thoughts/shit that goes on in Xelloss' head

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# Prelude #

—Xelloss—

—Yes, Zelas-sama?—

—It is time—

—So soon? I—

—He will rise, Xelloss—

—Zelas-sama—

—Xelloss, you are Mazoku—

—I know, but why—

—This is a mercy, Xelloss—

—Yes, Zelas-sama—

—He would want you—

—Would he?—

—…Xelloss…—

—I do your bidding, Zelas-sama—

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::Millionaire say

Got a big shot deal

And thrown it all away but

But I'm not too sure how I'm supposed to feel

Or what I'm supposed to say::

He looked to a field of grass, spotted with white daisies. Zelgadis sat amongst the blooms, face upturned to the warm sun. A canteen, full and sweet with water, was clutched in his hand. A small, almost indiscernible grin was painted on his features. Had his eyes been open, the smile would have been in his gaze.

It was apparent he was travelling alone. Whether in search of a cure or simply scouting ahead for one redheaded sorceress, Xelloss couldn't tell.

Xelloss phased out from his position atop a large tree in a forest north of Zelgadis' meadow. He reappeared directly in front of the sunny chimera, sitting cross-legged in the grass.

Zelgadis opened his eyes and met Xelloss' customary cheesy smirk with a light smile. A wild, scurrying sensation whipped through Xelloss—confusing and full of unpleasant pain. Bewildered by choice, Xelloss dismissed all emotions.

"Hey," Zelgadis said, reaching out and running a hand through Xelloss' long, violet locks, "I don't recall ordering fruitcake."

"Special delivery!" Xelloss said with a grin. For some reason it almost fell.

He leaned forward and kissed Zelgadis lightly on the lips. The chimera smiled against his mouth, then opened his own to deepen the kiss. Xelloss suddenly felt a frantic need well up inside him. He wrapped his arms around Zelgadis with frightening urgency. He broke the kiss off, burying his head in Zelgadis' neck.

"Xelloss?"

L-sama, he was going to miss that voice. He was going to miss this warm, stone body in his arms. Miss the occasional Flare Arrow that came his way…being called "Fruitcake."

Strange, he'd never really missed anything before.

Xelloss leaned back, looking into Zelgadis' brilliant sapphire eyes with his glittering Mazoku ones. The shaman was the only one who had never been petrified of his eyes, evil eyes that saw the thoughts skittering across his lover's mind—that witty, unparalleled genius not even depression or apathy could cage.

"You're going to kill me, aren't you?" Zelgadis whispered. "I'm in the way."

Unparalleled.

Xelloss nodded. "I am Mazoku. I am sorry, Zel…all I bring is pain."

"That's not true," Zelgadis said. He took a deep breath. "When?"

"Immediately," Xelloss whispered.

Zelgadis' eyes looked wet. He shut them tightly. A feast of fear and sorrow washed through Xelloss. None of it could fuel his being.

"Xelloss…please, could you just…just ho—"

Xelloss' arms surrounded Zelgadis like a vise. The chimera buried his head in Xelloss' chest. His sudden submission threw Xelloss. Zelgadis was rarely emotional or needy.

But he could hold him for hours.

"I'm glad it's you, Xelloss. I'm so glad it's you," Zelgadis whispered.

Xelloss ran his fingers through Zelgadis' lavender hair, travelling to his back to caress the blue skin beneath his cape and tunic. He shuddered the next time he spoke.

"No pain, Zel. I promise," he said, voice soft.

Zelgadis' strong, stone hands were clenching his back, injurious to a mortal man. No shivers—he was stronger than that.

"Tell the others how much they mean to me. Be nice to Amelia," Zelgadis whispered. He closed his eyes. "Do it quick now, before I lose my nerve."

"I love you, Zelgadis," Xelloss said, kissing Zelgadis' forehead.

"I love you too," Zelgadis said, voice weaker, "Fruitcake."

Xelloss smiled, the released a torrent of dark green light into Zelgadis' back. The chimera's eyes slammed shut, and within two merciful seconds Zelgadis slumped against him. Blood tracked its way from the shaman's mouth down his chin. Xelloss felt the last beat of his lover's heart, the last breath pass through his lips. It was quick, it was painless, and it was forever. The spell was far beyond the reaches of any resurrection spell.

Xelloss remained in the meadow for a long time, holding Zelgadis' body against him. For almost ten days, waiting for Lina and her gang to arrive, he sat without thought or duty. The only thing that ever crossed his mind was how beautiful Zelgadis had been, how he always would be—stone skin doesn't decay.

He could have held him forever.

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