Aaron Hotchner sat in his usual position on the plane, staring out the window, expression impossible to read.

They had just finished a case where teenagers died while playing a choking game in order to attain a "high" of sorts. They had aprehended the man responsible for circulating this game, and his son was taken into custody by Child Protective Services.

It was a miracle they'd been put on this case at all; everyone thought the deaths had simply been suicides. Everyone except the parents of course. Their children were perfect in their eyes: got perfect grades, participated in sports, had many friends...how could such perfect children end their lives?

Although this case had proved to be homicides, it was an exception to a rule: the perfect ones at were the highest risk for ending their own lives.

Never wanting to let their families down. Always keeping emotions from rising to the surface. Keeping others safe no matter the cost to their own personal health.

And above all, never breaking. Never showing weakness. Be who people need you to be.

Hotch stopped mid-thought. Was he thinking about these teens, or himself?

He never thought he would be considering suicide...but then again, he never thought that his job would get Haley murdered...

"You okay?" Dave Rossi sat down across from him.

"I'm fine, why do you ask?" He looked up, but his eyes were distant.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing in particular."

Rossi could tell that the other agent was hiding something, but he didn't push it. The team had an unspoken agreement to not profile each other.

"Hey, is Hotch okay?" Spencer Reid, the youngest member of the team, wondered out loud. He and Rossi were standing over by the coffee pot, discreetly looking into Hotch's office.

"I don't know." Rossi admitted. "I'm sure Strauss made him talk to someone, and I know they did a grief assessment before he could come back to work."

"Yeah, but he helped write those questions. He knows exactly how to respond to them."

"I guess we just have to trust him." Rossi smiled, patting Reid on the shoulder. "He knows what he's doing."

Reid returned the smile and his worry seemed to lessen a bit.

Rossi knew the team was worried about their leader. They had every right to be. But they couldn't let it interfere with their ability to focus on the job.

That night as Hotch placed his gun and badge on his nightstand, his eyes lingered a little too long at the firearm. Questions spun through his mind. An argument with himself.

Would Jack better off without me? He barely knows me now, I'm always working.

What's on the other side? Will I see Haley?

My team...my family. They would hate me.

But it would be for the best, wouldn't it?

I can't lead a team when I'm like this. It's a danger to them.

I'm a hazard.

Useless.

Worthless.

Broken...

He loosened his tie, throwing it to the side. He managed to pry his gaze away from his gun. He couldn't actually be considering this. What was he thinking?

But for the first time, there seemed to be a light at the end of this miserable tunnel; a bullet was his way out.

He couldn't do it here. Not with Jack one room over. He couldn't risk his son finding him.

Hotch put his head in his hands. God, he needed Haley right now...