So I'm fucking dumb and screwed the chapter formatting up so far beyond repair that i deleted the story, but now its back and better than ever so hell yeah.
Enjoy!
It should have been alright. You won! You finally got to go home, after three long years. Well, to your new home, that is. The universe that you and your friends created, and that you were technically gods of. After spending what felt like an eternity fighting just to escape the mess that was SBURB, none of you really felt up to the task of actually ruling an entire planet, let alone your universe. So you just existed, and let it exist. And you simply lived.
But that was kind of the problem here. While it was relaxing just living comfortably with those you risked so much with, the lack of impending doom or a need to do something particularly important left an emptiness that you couldn't quite shake. It was instead beginning to be filled with the realization that everything had changed, the life that seemed to be simultaneously mere moments ago and centuries behind you would never return. The lack of dreambubbles left nightmares in its wake, what would be a concoction of jumbled memories and scrambled thoughts now replaced by very real horrors that you actually experienced. And not unexpectedly, you didn't like it. Not one bit. Despite being used to nightmares, your late start on Prospit ensuring that, those old dreams were nothing like these. It used to just be the occasional falling dream, or some obviously fantastical giant mutant spider attack, or something along those lines. Those dreams were easily disregarded as simply fake, and you would move on after a few moments of regaining your calm. These, however, these were very real. Because of this fact, you weren't exactly sure how to deal with them. It's not like you could say they're not real and move on, that would be a lie you wouldn't be able to convince yourself of, because that's stupid and denying three very real years of your life.
Maybe that was why they bothered you so much. Or maybe they bothered you because they served as reminders of issues that you may or may not have been putting off since the moment they occurred. You had things to do in those moments, after all. And as the friendleader of your session and the happy personality you had become so reputable for, you couldn't let grief or similar negative emotions get the best of you. But now there was nothing. No distractions, no quests or missions, no impending doom or other offer of a more important event to prioritize over yourself. That was another thing you didn't really like. You preferred to take care of everything else before accommodating for your own needs and problems. That's what you were there for! You were there for your friends when they needed you. Everything else could wait. You suppose that tactic should be updated soon, because now there was nothing to wait for. There was only you, and it was absolutely terrifying.
You guess this tactic had taken a noticeable toll on you, because it wasn't long before you started getting bugged about it.
- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 12:42 -
TG: hey man
TG: usually not the one to bring this shit up but like
TG: is something bugging you lately
TG: cause your usually exceedingly chipper ass has become slightly less excruciatingly flamboyant and peppy all of a sudden
TG: rose is bustin out the goddamn psychology journals
TG: not like it takes much for her obsessive ass to do so but its still like woah shit
TG: egbert must have somethin going on if lalonde is taking time off of macking on her hot alien girlfriend for two goddamn seconds to revert back to her weird and invasive psychoanalysis tactics
TG: dude where the shit are you
TG: usually you pop in and interrupt my monologue by now with something along the lines of "bluh okay im here shut up with your weird rambling and off the wall metaphors already and get to the point"
TG: so im gonna go ahead and do your job for you
TG: youre welcome by the way
TG: look at me taking care of everyones jobs its like butler island up in here for like the thousandth time
TG: haha remember that analogy from who fucking knows how long ago
TG: cause i do
TG: fuck anyways what im trying to do is get to the point here
TG: so
TG: the point is
TG: were getting a lil worried dude
TG: you havent been really showing up to the friend gatherings and shit lately
TG: and everyone knows your excuses are absolute bullshit
TG: youre many things but a good liar isnt one of them man
TG: like i barely see you anymore whats up with that
TG: well since youve obviously fucked off to who knows where im gonna go i guess
You check your computer right as he's about to cease pestering you. You decide that you should probably reply, because failing to do so would just end up with even more instances of people messaging about your well-being. You'd prefer to avoid that circumstance, to be honest.
EB: hey! sorry, i was kinda distracted for a while there.
TG: oh damn look at that hes come back from the dead
TG: fucking incredible
TG: its a goddamn miracle someone bust murder clown outta the fridge to gaze upon this wondrous spectacle
TG: this shit should be recorded in the goddamn history books
EB: oh shh! can't a guy take a ten minute walk in peace without getting like a zillion messages?
TG: well sure
TG: if you werent you and i wasnt me then yeah thatd be a thing that would happen
TG: but cmon man you know i got a lotta shit to say and theres no way in hell you having scampered off to god knows where is gonna stop me from running my mouth
TG: anyways did you read any of the shit that i sent before or do i need to repeat all of the points i just made
EB: no, no need for that. i read what you said.
TG: so
EB: so?
TG: cmon egbert it should be obvious
TG: what do you have to say about it
TG: is something bothering you or what
EB: i'm perfectly fine. i don't even see where you would get the impression that i wouldn't be!
TG: are you serious
TG: dude there was a literal prank off last week and you were mia
TG: a prank off
EB: okay, yes, i did miss that. but for good reason!
TG: and what the fresh hell would that be
EB: i was uh...
EB: i was finishing up that piece that i've been working on!
EB: i wanna give it to you for remixing asap.
EB: even last night i was up until like 3 a.m. working on it!
TG: thats it
TG: thats your big whoops shit sorry i missed the one thing that im known to love to no end excuse
TG: cmon dude i think we can both agree you can do better than that
EB: okay okay! so i haven't exactly been myself lately. so?
EB: everyone is going through the same thing!
EB: we are all dealing with stuff.
TG: ok while that may be true
TG: question is who have you actually talked to about this
EB: well i can't say that i have talked to anyone about it.
EB: but i don't see why i should! everyone has their own stuff to deal with. it seems unfair for me to add to the pile!
TG: oh come on you know literally any of us would be willing to listen
TG: hell some of us would be ecstatic to hear about your angsty teen emotional baggage
TG: not to say any names
TG: rose
TG: but even people who dont get off on people spewing their emotions everywhere
TG: like me or hell even karkat
TG: hes a surprisingly good listener you know
TG: he actually pays attention to what you have to say when he closes those shouty lips for two goddamn seconds
EB: okay yes, but my problems are stupid and not even that big of a deal to begin with.
TG: seems big enough for you to be bothered by it
TG: so i wouldnt say they dont matter man
TG: thats bullshit
TG: youve been missing out on a lot of shit lately
TG: its unlike you
TG: youd never pass up a prank war with your dad man
EB: yeah but...
EB: nevermind.
EB: i gotta go.
TG: what the fuck
TG: you literally just got here dont bail out on me like that
- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 13:04 -
TG: john
TG: jesus fucking christ
- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 13:04 -
The thing was, something was bothering you. Quite a bit, actually. After the game ended, you actually realized how much you had been affected by everything that had happened. While you were playing, there was simply too much shit to do to give it much thought, your time on the prospitian ship excluded. You not dealing with your problems on the three year trip with Jade was just the work of pure denial and shit coping mechanisms. Now the three years worth of problems is catching up to you, and being the idiot you are, you're still trying relentlessly to suppress it for a long as possible.
You have to face it eventually. Every single day a reminder shows its head, in a conversation, or in an action, or in simply seeing a person, and you almost let it all out right then and there. You're almost to your limit, you can feel it. That's why you have been showing up to gatherings less and less, so that there's less of a chance that you're around a bunch of people when it finally happens.
Your favorite activities are turning into reminders now. That piano piece you used as an excuse for Dave was bullshit, the piece existed, but you hadn't worked on it in weeks. Hell, you barely got a minute's of the piece written down before you stopped. You had a feeling Dave knew that. Why does everyone have to be so goddamn observant? Sure, it wasn't that hard to see, but you don't think you're that transparent. You guess it's the lack of a larger objective that's making it harder for you to hide it. Or maybe it was the fact that you were now fully aware of the issue. Either way, you blame SBURB ending.
It's not that you'd rather still be playing the game, because it was hell and the only reason you're in this predicament in the first place. You just wish it had never happened. While this new life was certainly better than being trapped in what seemed like a never ending fight for your life, you can't help but admit that you miss your old life. It wasn't exactly better than this one, both have their pros and cons, but the past life you led had your neighborhood, your house, your school, everything you knew. The past life you led had your dad.
You knew that was the real problem here. While the game caused you many long lasting problems, you knew that your thoughts were over-generalized. Losing your father was probably the biggest blow to your mental health, and your extended refusal of facing his death and dealing with it like you should was just building on that damage.
The aforementioned reminders were bringing back memories of your dad, of course. The piano, the pranks, the smell of cake every time you walk into your kitchen, and of course Dad Crocker. After seeing the alpha version of your dad and reuniting with him with a hug, you assumed that things would be better. And they were, for about a week, maybe a week and a half. But the thing is, living with someone who looks and acts exactly like someone you knew and loved gets hard. You make the mistake of not thinking, and looking at them, and suddenly they aren't separated in your mind. You regarded him as a sort of replacement, for as long as you possibly could at least. But the only way he remembers you is as his own father, the you from his universe. He has no memories of raising you. He simply isn't the same person, and treating him as such would just inevitably let you down.
So eventually, because of your own shit that you had neglected to deal with, you naturally started feeling terrible whenever you were around him. Which led you to, again, instead of dealing with the problem in the first place, cutting yourself off almost completely. Which in turn led you to seeing your friends less, because the man was like the ultimate dad so naturally he would start adopting these sad paradoxically cloned orphaned children.
So to put it simply, you are in quite the predicament here. Except you aren't really, because all of this could be for the most part solved if you dealt with it instead of dancing around the issue as if you're unaware that it exists in the first place. But you're a fully aware dumb butt with bad coping mechanisms and a plethora of other angsty kids around you that you for some reason refuse to confide in. So there's that.
Speaking of other angsty kids, Rose pesters you about half an hour after you end your conversation with Dave. Unlike Dave's approach, however, she gets to the point right away.
- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 13:35 -
TT: I gather that you've been quite the elusive character as of late.
TT: Care to give an explanation to these absences or are you just going to slip through our fingers yet again?
EB: sorry rose, but i'm not exactly in the mood for talking about this right now. can it wait?
TT: I don't believe anyone is ever "in the mood" for such a conversation.
TT: But I do believe that these conversations need to occur.
TT: If not with me, then with someone else.
TT: But you and I both know that you can't go on like this for much longer, John.
TT: With that said, I'll leave you to decide what you are going to do.
- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 13:38 -
God damn it. Why does she always have to be right?
Comments are always greatly appreciated!