It was never Hiruzen's intention to reveal Naruto's heritage. It really wasn't. The poor boy had enough on his tiny shoulders with keeping the Nine-Tails imprisoned – he didn't need to worry about assassins hailing from Stone, Cloud, or any of the other many villages that Minato made enemies of. But luck just wasn't on the Third Hokage's side.

It was a simple fluke that Hizashi Hyuga walked into his Office a couple days after the Nine-Tails' attack. The younger brother to the Hyuga Clan had walked in on Sarutobi feeding Naruto a bottle of milk. That in itself was harmless enough, but Hizashi did a double-take when he saw Naruto's face, and that was when the trouble started. It wasn't the blond hair that set him off, or the gorgeous blue eyes, both of which Naruto inherited from his father. No. It was the shape of Naruto's face and the boy's skin tone, which he inherited from his mother, Kushina. You see, most of the village was still mourning the loss of the much beloved Fourth Hokage.

But not all of the village. No, no, no. Some people had lost other loved ones on that terrible day; other loved ones that were much more meaningful to those people personally. Kushina Uzumaki was one such person for Hizashi Hyuga. It was totally unrequited love on his part, but the young Hyuga had been smitten by the 'exotic' foreigner ever since they were children. It was simply fate that Minato got to her first and complimented her on her divine hair. Hizashi was too tongue-tied to dare approach the violent tomboy.

It didn't take a genius to put two-and-two together to work out that it was Minato got Kushina pregnant. Minato was the only boy/teenage boy/man that openly fraternized with Kushina without fear of possible bodily harm. Yet Hizashi had not yet been made aware that the baby had survived that horrible night. He had been out of the village on a mission at the time, and had simply heard from his brother that another Jinchuriki had been created – Hiashi had not been able to disclose the Jinchuriki's identity.

And it was for that reason alone that Hiruzen knew that his hand would be forced. Hizashi wouldn't simply let Kushina's progeny go to the orphanage when he was of age; hell, it took Hiruzen outright ordering Jiraiya back out into the field to uphold his spy network so that Jiraiya wouldn't adopt the boy. Hizashi would not be cowed like Jiraiya; he had been far too smitten with Kushina to do so, and he would do everything in his damned power even as a Branch Member of the Hyuga to make sure Naruto's life was 'pampered'. That basically meant Hizashi would go to his brother about it, reveal Naruto's parentage, and thus tempt Hiashi into adopting the boy.

Hiruzen couldn't let that happen. Not because he wanted Naruto's life to be miserable, but because that would start a domino effect. Other prominent Clan Heads would begin to look at the boy more closely and see what the Hyuga saw. The Uchiha. The Nara. The Inuzuka. Basically all of the Hidden Leaf's major Clans would figure out Naruto's parentage, and then it would leak outside the village, and Naruto would have the problem of assassins and kidnappers.

Hiruzen was not overthinking this, it would happen, damn it. Though they'd grown apart, Minato's generation had been closely-knit once. It would come together again once they discovered Minato's son survived. So Hiruzen had a choice before him: Kill Hizashi and gain Hiashi's ire, or let events progress naturally. Or… Option C.

"Hizashi… I know what you're thinking. But before you take action, please notify your brother that there will be a Clan Head Meeting about it tonight. I…" Hiruzen heaved a sigh when Hizashi twitched slightly and disappeared in a shunshin. He then motioned to his Anbu guard to get word out to Fugaku, Shikaku, Inoichi, Choza, Tsume, and Shibi about the impromptu meeting.

It was going to be a looong night.

"So, Lord Hokage… Let me get this straight." Shikaku drawled as he leaned forward on the rectangular table that the eight Clan Heads (Sarutobi included) were gathered around. "It wasn't a random orphan that Minato chose to house the Nine-Tailed Fox, but his own son? Kushina being the mother?"

Taking a deep intake of breath, knowing the pandemonium that was about to ensue, Sarutobi nodded firmly. He was not disappointed when each of the other seven Clan Heads started yelling over one another about how they were going to be the one to adopt Minato's son. Shikaku and Shibi included, but then, Minato had been a great Shogi partner, so of course he was going to feel attachment to the blond baby… And Minato had been known to save as many parasitic insects from the brink of death as he could manage when out on the battlefield, so Shibi held a deep respect for the former Hokage.

Naruto would get to be Shikamaru-kun's baby brother. Or Shino-kun's. Sarutobi had no doubts about that.

"Enough!" Sarutobi roared after a few minutes of loud, heated arguing; a tick mark was on his forehead. "I knew this would happen eventually, so that is precisely why I am having this meeting now. No single Clan will be adopting Naruto; you are all far too attached to the boy because of his father, and I will not tolerate a civil war over him.

Hiruzen held up his hand before Hiashi could speak out against him.

"You will listen. Do not say anything before I give you permission to speak, and for Kami's sake, put your weapons away. We are shinobi, warriors, but that does not make us barbarians. Perhaps there is no honor among us like there is among the samurai, but I can guarantee that my suggestion should satisfy a majority of you, at the very least. Now. No single Clan will be adopting Naruto. That is favoritism, and will merely encourage civil unrest. I propose a joint adoption amongst the major Clans of the Hidden Leaf – all of you. For your sake, I will abstain from adopting the boy with you, but in return, I expect you to honor the agreement you will be signing tonight. No backstabbing diplomacy. If I hear a hint of you trying to get more time with Naruto, I will personally see to it that you are punished accordingly, and that you will not have Naruto under your roof for a set period of time."

Having spoken his peace, Sarutobi distributed the contracts, which basically specified each Clan would get a period of thirty days with the boy in a cycle over the years – Hyuga-Uchiha-Nara-Yamanaka-Aburame-Akimichi-Inuzuka. And depending on if there were any infractions from a Clan, the 'schedule' was liable to change, but the set amount of days would never go up or down. Clans were free to raise the boy as they saw fit, but they were not allowed to raise Naruto to dislike any of the other Clans, nor attempt to teach the boy their Clans' signature Jutsu.

That last one was largely because Sarutobi didn't need Naruto becoming a precedent for future generations. Keep the Clan Jutsu within their respective Clans. Besides, who knew what effect the Nine-Tails' Chakra would have on those Jutsu; the boy would possibly become more 'valuable', and thus encourage backstabbing diplomacy.

This was already too much of a headache without that.

The contract had more detailed stipulations, but everyone basically agreed to it and signed away. It seemed arbitrarily fair; everyone would get the chance to raise Naruto, and he'd grow up in his own unique way. On paper, anyway. But we all know that the poor boy would be influenced seven different ways.

Naruto would become quite the interesting individual. Psychologists and historians would probably want to dissect and study him for centuries even after his death.

Hiashi frowned on his last night with the son of Minato for that month. He didn't like the idea of… sharing… the blond. He got enough competition with Hizashi as it was; allowing plebeians to raise him in their backwoods' ways was not befitting a child adopted by the prestigious Hyuga Clan.

But… he had to play nice, or go without Naruto for nearly a year. That would not stand.

As Hiashi tucked Naruto in for the night, Hiashi happened to take a sniff by accident. Then he took another sniff to make sure he wasn't smelling things.

Yup. It was that time again. And by the smell of it, Naruto had laid a landmine in his diaper.

"Take the boy to the Uchiha Clan Compound and drop it off on Fugaku's doorstep. Immediately." Hiashi ordered a Branch House member, who did not look too happy to be holding a smelly, bawling baby that desperately needed his diaper changed. Hiashi would sympathize with him, but he was not going to be changing anymore diapers that month. It was Uchiha's turn.

Author's Note: I'd been thinking of starting a fic with this premise for the past couple days, but the scene at the end here pretty much clinched it for me. I literally laughed out loud when that popped into my head; oh, Hiashi. XD

How many chapters will this be? I dunno. I don't have a set plan for this one, kinda like how I don't have one for 'It was Anticlimactic'. But this one will be in shorter chapters, as you can tell. It'll just be a bunch of loosely-knit scenarios that show Naruto at various stages in life, bouncing from Clan to Clan from month to month. The idea was heavily inspired by 'Handlers of the Jinchuriki', but obviously instead of specific people as 'handlers', it'll be Naruto's various adopted families.

This won't end well, will it? lol Good times ahead, I hope.