Wow, okay. The last chapter. This is honestly amazing for me. Also, super intense and new and cool and kind of overall "squeeeee". It is, after all, my first ending of anything as long as this has been. And as good.
I'm going to miss writing this, so much, but I'm hoping that I'll be able to start something else soon (Scorbus, anyone? Am I talking to theater people and probably not Harry Potter fans? Yes, but will they maybe read it anyways? I mean, maybe if they like me enough...) and I'm also starting an account on ao3, with the same username, if you want to find me, so I'll post stuff there too.
And I'm going to miss you all, so much, too. You've all been the best reason I could have for writing this fic, and you really have been the reason. I'm super grateful to every single darn one of you. Thank you. So much. So much.
(This whole long this is at the beginning because I feel like good end lines, which mine aspire to be (yes, I know it was pretty crappy, but I tried and it's my first time so I think I should get slack), are better left to be the actual end, so I'm putting this here instead of there.)
Okay, I'll shut up and let you read the chapter you're hopefully excited to read.
Bye!

I go to sleep that night mourning the fact that my plan will no longer work. After all, I can't just bombard John with sadness and expect him to jump into my arms. But, despite this, I, for some reason, still want to play it for him.

When I wake up the next morning, I find that telling him seems much less hard. It's almost like- no, it is- that since the plan has no hope of working, there isn't the pressure to perform it perfectly. I don't have to worry about it succeeding, because I know it can't, and that makes it easier.

So today, for the first time, I have an actually legitimate plan to play my song for him. And, not too far into the day, it becomes a reality.

"Hey, John?"

"Yeah, what?" He looks over at me from him place on the couch next to me. We're both reading, just enjoying each other's company.

"Well, I… I've been," I decide to not make it out to be as big as it seems to me, because I'm pretty sure that's just me, "I've been playing a song that I, well, I may or may not have composed," I smile at him.

"Alex, that's amazing! I wanna hear it! Can I, please? Please?"

I didn't anticipate this.

I probably should've, considering that it's John I've been thinking about all this time, but I figured that he'd be indifferent and I'd have to force him to come with me. But if I actually think about it, John's much too nice to do that to me.

He must see the indecision on my face.

"Or you don't have to, of course. I wouldn't force you to, if you're not comfortable. I can just forget about it… Sorry for prying."

He manages to get this all out before I can respond in my surprised state, and I'm eager to repair the damage.

"No, no, that's not… No, I want to play it for you. I just didn't think…" I trail off and kind of whisper to myself, "that you'd really want to."

He pauses for a second.

"Well of course I would. We're friends," He starts to blush and says, even quieter than I did earlier, so quiet I can't hear it, "If not more…" Then, returning to normal volume, he continues, "So, when do you want to play it?"

Since I hadn't expected such a good reaction, I'm getting excited to play now, and I find myself blurting out, happily, "How about now?"

John looks at me a second before bursting into laughter.

"Yeah, sure. I'd love that. I'm glad you want to play it so much."

I feel like maybe I should be embarrassed, but I'm too happy for that even to be a possibility.

"I'm kind of super excited." I say shyly, running my hands through my hair. "This is the first time I've played it for anybody." This is assuming I don't count the time Hercules heard it, which I don't, because that was unintentional on my part.

When I bring myself to look at John again, I see his face has changed to being mostly surprised, and kind of happy.

"Wow, I'm honored," he says, "Really."

I just smile shyly at him sideways, and quickly walk over to the piano. I look at it for a second, suddenly nervous, before sitting down.

I'm almost unsure about playing it now that I'm here… after all, it's so personal. And it changes every time and sometimes it isn't even good and I'm not sure- no! No, I need to play it. I know I do.

Unable to completely shake my doubts, I put my hands on the piano, ghosting the first few notes, to make sure I still know what I'm doing. I do, so I take one last deep breath.

The first note resonates within me, swirling around and forcing out a strong wave of emotion. This wave carries me for a long time, before I feel the mood of the song slowly shift, and with it, so does mine. I'm smiling brilliantly at nothing, my eyes lazily open, hair covering part of my vision. More changes wrench more feelings out of me, and I find that there really are so many. I've never noticed it before, but it's amazing how many different things I can gather about myself just from how the song is sounding.

I feel more in tune with myself playing this song for John now than I ever have in my memory.

I finish with a bang, adding a couple of dramatic measures to the ending that, somehow, I know will sound great. They do.

After my flourishing finish, I don't know what to do. I'm sure I put enough feeling into the song that John must know everything, but I'm just not sure if he wants to. Will he like what I'm trying to say? I have no confidence within my that he will. Not really.

But I have hope.

I stay still, looking at the piano, hoping that he'll say something so I don't have to. I wait patiently.

And wait.

Nothing.

I wait some more.

Nothing.

Finally, I accept that I have to make the first move.

But as soon as I move my head the slightest bit towards him, I hear him move quickly. My head flips towards him just as he runs out the door.

I'm confused.

What just happened?

Did he just… run away?

He did, didn't he.

I sit numbly on the piano for what seems like it could be hours, until I hear someone come in. I look up, hoping that it might be someone I'm close with so that I can talk to them about what happened, but it's only someone I've seen once or twice, so I look away again. I resume sitting until someone else comes in, and this time it's someone I at least know a little bit, so I make myself try to get up.

"Hey, Burr."

"Alex."

"I have… a question. Or a statement, maybe. But I'd like input if you have any."

"Okay, sure. Tell me."

"Well, you see… Let's start with my song. That is to say, I have a song, which I composed and like, and today, I played it for the first time to somebody. To John, more specifically. He was excited at the beginning but when I finished, he… Well, he kind of just left. Walked quickly out of the door, and confused me a lot. What do you think?"

He kind of snorts and looks down for a moment.

"Hamilton," he starts, looking up again, "I have no idea how to solve your love life. Just go talk to him. That's all the advice I have."

I frown.

"Everyone's advice for me seems to just be that I should do stuff. What if I don't want to? The whole reason I'm asking for advice is to avoid that."

"Well, it's good advice a lot of the time. So go follow it, and spare us all by finally dating John. Really, I'm sure we'd all appreciate it."

I look at him petulantly. "Fine." I sigh. "I guess it wouldn't kill me to date him. For you, Burr, for you."

He looks at me dryly and I wink. As he shakes his head, I see a small smile slip onto his face. With that, I exit the dorm and set off the find John.

It's surprisingly hard. I don't know where to look, so I kind of wander around outside, waiting for something in my brain to click. It tries to a couple of times, producing no results when I check the places, before I realize where he must be.

I try to remember how to get to where I'm going, and set off the find his shed of drawings.

When I arrive, as I expected, I see that the door is open to let light in, and I can faintly hear him inside.

I pause before the door, wondering if I should really go in. Will he just think I'm invading his privacy?

But I need to talk, so I push open the door gently and softly call out, "John?"

He looks up from position on the floor. He's drawing something that I try to see but can't because, as he quickly gets up, he also hides it behind his back.

"What?"

"Nothing. What're you drawing?"

"Nothing," he says.

We stand in silence for a long moment.

"Sorry to walk out on you like I did earlier," he finally says, his silence breaking.

"Oh," I say, surprised. "That's alright. Why- why did you?"

"Well, I was just… surprised, I guess. Very surprised."

"Why?"

"When you said that you'd composed a song," he says, making me I tense. Here it comes. "I wasn't expecting something so- so good, first of all, but even more so… emotional. It kind of scared me, having what seemed like everything you've been feeling laid out in front of me like that."

I think for a moment.

"Imagine what I felt like," I say smiling.

"True… It must've been terrifying."

"Extremely."

"Well, anyways, I needed time to think, so I came here and started drawing."

"Okay. Well thanks for telling me. What're you drawing?"

"Oh, something I draw a lot. Someone important to me."

"Cool."

We stand again in a warmer silence this time, out smiles slowly relaxing as we think.

"Hey, Alex? Are you okay?"

I consider this question for a moment. He seems to be worried that I have to, but I just want to be sure of my answer.

"Yeah, I think I am," I say finally.

"Good."

He starts to approach me, and I realize that he's going to hug me. As he comes closer, I see the picture still grasped in his hand. I can easily recognize who it is-

"Good," he says again.

Me.