…having fixated or 'fallen in love' with their prospective mate, a M'ega will subsequently engage in display behaviors designed to demonstrate their sexual/romantic fitness.

(A note: As intelligence is highly prized by the M'ega, many of their technological advances can be directly attributed to this desire to impress their chosen mates.)

Other display behaviors may include what is termed a 'catch and release' impulse. This takes the form of a highly ritualized capture of their prospective mate, during which the M'ega will seek to show off their homes and themselves off to best advantage. Additionally, M'ega may issue physical challenges to perceived rivals for the affection of their desired mate.

(Another note: much of the history of warfare on M'ega can also be directly attributed to this mating display behavior).

M'ega also seek the approval of their chosen mate with extravagant attire designed to focus attention on extragenital erogenous zones such as the neck, the shoulders, and the ears…

—Excerpt from My Time Among the Blue People: Observations On M'ega Culture, Society, and Social Behaviors (unfinished, unpublished, and lost when the author perished on M'ega during the Glaupunkt Quadrant Black Hole Event)

"Sir, you cannot possibly be thinking of going out in public like that!"

"Oh, don't be such a prude, Minion!" Megamind rolls his eyes.

"There is a difference between prudishness," Minion says, "and not wanting you to walk around in front of people dressed like some sort of, of shameless harlot!"

"Honestly, Minion! You're overreacting; they're just earrings!"

"There are ten of them, Sir!" Minion says sharply.

Megamind blushes but lifts his chin.

There are, in fact, ten of them: four tiny black metal hoops going up the sides of each of his ears and two slightly larger hoops, each strung with a small metal ball, at the tip of each ear. He'd pierced them himself; it was possible he'd gotten carried away, but once he'd started, he'd sort of figured he might as well—

(it had hurt, piercing them, but it had also been weirdly pleasurable—he'd ended up, after the tenth piercing, shoving his hand down the front of his pants and getting himself off three times in quick succession, until his freshly pierced ears were ringing, the strange combination of pain and pleasure all tangled up into one dizzying sensation.)

"I have been reasonable!" Minion says, pacing now. "Have I said anything about the shoulder spikes? No! Have I said anything about the scandalously high collars? No! But this! It would be one thing if you had found someone, but—" he narrows his eyes. "You haven't, have you? You haven't found someone."

"Of course not," Megamind lies.

(just like he's lied for years, since Minion started asking that question, since the first time Roxanne escaped from one of his deathtraps herself and insulted his intelligence and Megamind decided that what he really needed in life was a giant collar, Minion. Really big. Bigger than that. We'll go and kidnap Miss Ritchi as soon as it's finished. No, of course this isn't about her! It's about—defeating Metro Man! Definitely not about her.)

It is such a good thing, Megamind thinks, quite often, that Minion's species spawned to reproduce. Minion's understanding of pair-bonding behavior is entirely cerebral, not automatic, which means he misses some really obvious signs when it comes to Megamind's of-course-it's-not-love-haHAhaHAAAAAaaaaa(kill me please) fixation on Roxanne.

"Exactly!" Minion says, waving his metal hands. "You're just—throwing yourself out there at the world in general! People are going to get the wrong idea!"

"Nonsense, Minion!" Megamind says, "This is earth! Nobody here cares about that sort of thing! And when in Rome—"

Minion pauses in his pacing and frowns.

"When in Rome, what, Sir?" he asks.

Shit. Megamind doesn't know. Is there supposed to be more to that saying?

"Ha!" Megamind says, putting on an air of superiority. "'When in Rome, what'! Evil gods, Minion, you're lecturing me about socially appropriate norms, and you don't even know what is when in Rome!"

"That doesn't—"

"Have everything ready for when I get back," Megamind says, edging towards the door at a fast pace, "I'm going to kidnap Miss Ritchi!"

"Sir—this is a bad—"

"When in Rome, what, indeed," Megamind says scathingly, and leaves very quickly before Minion can say anything else.

Roxanne turns around, reaching for the handle of the cabinet with her mugs in it, and Megamind is right there, in the middle of her kitchen.

She jumps in surprise—the closest he can ever get to a reaction of fear from her—and yells:

"God damn it, Megamind! I haven't even had my coffee yet!"

He cackles and lunges for her, but Roxanne is pretty quick on her feet, even pre-coffee, and is already running around the kitchen island.

"Oh, come now, Miss Ritchi," Megamind says, smiling that too-wide, too-sharp-around-the-edges smile that everyone but Roxanne seems to find so terrifying. "I don't know why you insist on running; I always get you in the end."

"It is six-thirty in the morning!" Roxanne says, running around the table, "Come back later!"

"I'm terribly sorry—"

Megamind fakes a rush around one side of the table and Roxanne dodges in the other direction, realizing too late that this was the plan.

"—not to be able to oblige you by coming back later, Miss Ritchi—"

She tries to kick him in the shin; he sidesteps, but in his distraction, she's able to knock the can of spray out of his hand.

"—but, you see—"

She tries to run but he catches her wrist and spins her around, pushes her back against the island, her arm twisted behind her back, not hard enough or far enough to hurt, but definitely enough to hold her. Roxanne tries to hit him with her other hand and he grabs that wrist, twisting it behind her back, too. She tries to kick him and he steps forward, holding her in place with his body.

"—I need you right now," he says.

And Roxanne wants to slap herself for the way that sends a stupid pulse of desire through her—god damn Megamind and his god damn probably-unintended double-entendres—it's too much for Roxanne to be expected to deal with before she's had her caffeine! Pinning her up against her kitchen counter and saying that he needs her right now, jesus christ.

She has a thing for bad boy types, okay? And for intelligence, too, and it's not fair that Megamind ticks that box as well as the box labeled leather-and-motorcycles-and-eyeliner-and—

—earrings.

Roxanne stares.

That's—guh. That's new.

Megamind is wearing earrings, black hoops stark against his blue skin, impossible to miss, especially the way that he's so close to her now, his ear right there: a whole line of earrings all the way up the side of his ear.

There's a slightly larger hoop at the pointed tip of his ear, with a little metal ball on the hoop, and Roxanne—wants—

(She'll blame it on poor impulse control and lack of caffeine, later, pretend that she was still half asleep when she did it)

(pretend that her entire body isn't wide awake and terribly alive, everywhere that Megamind is touching her)

Roxanne leans forward, runs the tip of her tongue over the line of earrings on Megamind's lower ear, then flicks the topmost earring up with her tongue, takes the metal ball between her teeth, and tugs.

(a threat, she thinks vaguely, definitely a threat, yes, definitely, she could hurt him like this)

((so why aren't you))

Megamind gasps and goes utterly still—responding to the threat—so Roxanne does it again, slightly harder. And his grip on her wrists goes slack and Roxanne could probably push him away but she tugs at his earring with her teeth again, instead, and—

—Megamind—

—moans.

And then he freezes again, and Roxanne can definitely tell, pressed up against him like this, that he's stopped breathing, and this whole thing goes from what the fuck are you doing Roxanne to WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ROXANNE in a split second and—

Roxanne does push him, then. She lets go of his earring and she pushes him and she spins him around and she shoves him back so that he's the one pinned up against the counter now and then she kisses him before she has time to think twice and stop herself.

Megamind's mouth is hard and still and unresponsive beneath hers for a second, and then he just sort of—melts. Into the kiss. In an entirely unexpected and unexpectedly hot way, soft and pliant and yielding, parting his lips for her so sweetly and sucking on her tongue when she licks into his mouth. Roxanne reaches up a hand to the side of his face and then rubs her fingertips up the line of his earrings, ending by flicking the top hoop. Megamind makes a quiet, whimpering little noise into her mouth and Roxanne steps back, breaking the kiss, and looks at him.

He looks—there's a lavender flush on his cheekbones and along the outside edges of his ears, underneath the black earrings. His lips are flushed too, and slightly parted, a stunned expression on his face.

God, he's so fucking sexy, dressed in black leather and earrings, weak-kneed and holding himself up by his grip on the edge of her counter.

Roxanne takes his chin in her hand and turns his face sideways, so that she can see the ear she hasn't touched yet. Megamind blushes even harder when she does it, rim of his ear going bright pink. Roxanne leans forward and bites him lightly, on the edge of his ear, where there's a space between the line of earrings and the top hoop.

He makes another noise, helpless and soft, and Roxanne kisses up the line of piercings—one, two, three, four, five.

"Oh—" Megamind murmurs to himself, "—oh."

Roxanne puts her lips to his ear, and whispers, "So—these are new."

Megamind shivers, she can feel it. She reaches up to play with his other ear, flipping all of the hoops up and then down again, and he shudders and actually cries out.

(Ears are sensitive, of course, Roxanne knows, but not usually this—hm. An—intriguing theory presents itself.)

She flicks the top hoop back and forth, back and forth: flick-flick, flick-flick, flick-flick.

Megamind's breathing picks up.

She takes the top hoop between her fingers and pulls.

Megamind cries out again.

"Your ears," Roxanne murmurs, "they're an erogenous zone, aren't they?"

Megamind gulps and nods.

Roxanne smirks and tugs again on his earring.

"Filthy," she says, "All these piercings, showing yourself off like this. And nobody will even know…Did you wear these just for me?" Roxanne adds archly, not really expecting an answer.

"Yes," Megamind says, quiet and choked.

Roxanne pauses for a moment, pulls back to look at his face.

"—what?" she asks, too vulnerable, Roxanne, too needy, hope bleeding into her voice and making it wobble. "—really?"

"Yes," Megamind says, looking dazed and sounding perfectly serious. "I—was trying to—get your attention. But I—didn't think it would really work."

Roxanne feels her eyes go wide.

He did this—to get her attention.

Ten piercings in total, five down each ear, down the erogenous zone of the ear

(for her)

(ten)

"It very definitely worked," Roxanne says.

"Yes," Megamind says, as though he doesn't even know he's saying it, staring at her like he's hypnotized.

Roxanne sways forward and Megamind does, too, stopping with his mouth half an inch away from hers, like he's waiting for her to—

She pulls him forward into a kiss by her grip on his top earring, holds him there the same way as she kisses him.

"Megamind," Roxanne murmurs as she breaks the kiss. He makes an inquiring noise that is—really, too lovely, too sweet and intimate and soft, and this can't mean anything to him, it can't, surely—it's just a sex thing, Roxanne; the bad guy might want to get the girl into bed, but he never wants to—to date her.

Roxanne clears her throat.

Just sex; she can do just sex (she can; she's not lying to herself; she can)

"How do I get you out of these clothes?" she asks.

Megamind's eyes go wide, as though he was absolutely not expecting that question.

"—I—you—are you," he stammers, "—is this a joke?" he adds in an uncertain voice.

"No," Roxanne says, a little thrown by this reaction. "Of course it's not a joke." He's the bad guy, he should be—he should be ravishing her against her kitchen counters by now, not—not looking at her with wide, slightly frightened eyes, as though—

(as though Roxanne's the one with all the power, here)

Megamind reaches his hands to the clasp of his cape, and then stops again.

"Are you—serious, Roxanne?" he asks. "Are you really serious about—this, about—" he swallows, "—about me? Because I—" his eyes flick away from hers, "—I'll take what I can get, of course, but—I'd like to know if—"

Roxanne takes a sharp breath.

Serious. He wants to know if she's serious about him. I'll take what I can get, of course.

(that must mean that—the sex isn't just the goal here, for him, he wants—)

"Megamind," Roxanne says, heart beating hard in her chest, "I am—ten earrings worth of serious about you."

His mouth falls open.

"Maybe," Roxanne falters, and then continues, "maybe instead of taking off your clothes, you'd like—like to—to have a cup of coffee with me?"

"Coffee?" Megamind says, frowning as if he's trying to understand. "Coffee. With—with you? A—you mean, like—like a—"

"A date," Roxanne says in a rush. "Like a date. Do you want to try dating. With me. Megamind."

Megamind's eyes go wide and his mouth curves up into that too-wide smile that Roxanne always wants to kiss.

"I would like that above all things," Megamind says.

(Roxanne does kiss him, then.)

…although the courting behavior of the M'ega may strike the casual observer as overdramatic, inconvenient, and more trouble than pay-off, those of us lucky enough to earn the heart of one of these incredibly clever, affectionate, and loyal beings know better.

It is all, always, worth it in the end.

—final page of My Time Among the Blue People: Observations On M'ega Culture, Society, and Social Behaviors (unfinished, unpublished, and lost when the author perished on M'ega during the Glaupunkt Quadrant Black Hole Event)

notes: based on a piece of art by tumblr user illuminati-rom-hacks