AN: Thanks for all your reviews on the last chapter. So many of you were happy that Harry and Severus had started to make up that I almost feel guilty about this chapter. Almost.

Chapter 39

Much to Severus' disappointment, things with Potter did not return to normal. They met a couple of times in the following week, but nothing like the regularity they had begun to build before their argument. Severus may think he was right about the Dursleys, but a part of him regretted pushing the boy so hard. Only a part of him, however. Severus had known for years that you sometimes needed to push Potter a little if you wanted to get anywhere with him.

Their meetings in the Room of Requirement were fine. They exchanged pleasantries and small talk. They practiced spells. Harry was polite and amicable and entirely detached. The fragile trust they had begun to form was gone. Harry was happy to work with Severus, to learn from him, but he had no intention of being close to him.

Severus accepted this new state of affairs with reluctance. He told himself that the important thing was that he was able to help Harry with his magic, but the empty pleasantness between them tasted bitter after he had experienced that small amount of trust Potter had had in him.

Early Sunday evening, Severus finished up another painfully polite session with Potter in the Room of Requirement. He was astounded, still, by the magical power Harry could exhibit and he was incredibly proud of him for how far he had come in learning to master his magic. What Harry and Bill had concluded about Harry's magic seemed likely to Severus, but also raised more questions. What else would they discover about the relationship between Harry's magic and Hogwarts?

"Er, it's our designated meeting on Wednesday." Harry said before he left. "Do you want me to meet you here?"

"No." Severus answered definitively. "We'll meet in my office." He caught the brief flash of disappointment on Harry's face before he controlled his expression. It was a risk, Severus knew, to require the boy to talk to him once more. It could certainly demolish the fragile structure they had managed to salvage between them since the Order meeting. But Severus did not think he could bear any more of Potter's stilted conversation and contrived politeness.

"Will you not want to meet before then?" Severus had hoped for more frequent opportunities to rebuild Harry's trust in him this week.

Harry rubbed the back of his neck. "Er, I'm not sure. I've got a lot of work this week."

"I understand." Severus said brusquely. "You can let me know if you change your mind. I have meetings tomorrow evening, but my schedule is clear after dinner on Tuesday."

"Ok, sure, I'll – er – let you know."

Severus sighed as he watched Harry leave the room. He glanced at his watch and was pleased to see that it wasn't too late. He would firecall Arthur to discuss Parkinson and their latest Death Eater theories. Arthur, Severus admitted with only mild reluctance, had become something of a friend. If friends were a thing Severus had. Before the demise of the Dark Lord, he had little to do with the Weasley patriarch, even within the Order, since they were very much involved in different aspects of the resistance. Since their victory, however, and Potter's publicism of Severus' role in the war, the whole Weasley family seemed intent on making Severus a family friend. Arthur, though persistently cheerful, was at least not as overbearing as Molly, and provided they did not drift into topics of muggle inventions, could hold a reasonably intelligent conversation. This evening Severus wanted Arthur's thoughts on his interaction with Parkinson, and if the conversation should meander on to teenage Gryffindors, well, Arthur had dealt with enough in his time to be considered an authority on the subject.

Harry was also pleased that there was still much of the evening left, since he had the rare opportunity to just hang out with his friends. They had chosen to go to the Gryffindor Common Room. Hermione insisted that as prefects she and Ron should be a visible presence for the younger years, but Harry was honestly just there so he could hang out with Ginny.

"Luna and I were talking." Ginny began after the obligatory minutes of kissing had concluded.

Harry did not miss the familiar glint of determination in his girlfriend's eye; the one that said she had a plan and she wouldn't be letting it go until she was satisfied.

"Right…"

"We think that you should reform the DA." Harry took a moment to appreciate how her eyes shone with excitement.

"Why?"

"For fun!" Ginny beamed at him. "We miss having the DA."

"But we only started it because of Umbridge." Harry gave her a quizzical look. "Snape's actually teaching us defence and we aren't facing the same troubles anymore."

Ginny nodded along. "Snape knows his stuff and he's a much better teacher now, but most of the younger years are still scared stiff of him. They're not likely to ask him questions if they're stuck or confused." She countered. "And it's more for the social aspect anyway. Neville thinks it's a good idea too."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Exactly how many people have you discussed this with?"

"Just those two." Ginny assured. "…And Ron and Hermione."

Harry laughed, unsurprised by her admission as Ron came to sit on a nearby armchair.

"What's this about 'Ron and Hermione?'" He asked lifting his feet to rest on the wooden coffee table between them.

"I'm explaining to Harry why he should start up the DA again."

"Yeah, of course he should."

"Don't we have enough to be getting on with in our NEWT year?" Harry argued, although he had already accepted defeat. If he was honest, Harry missed the DA as well. In what had been a spectacularly awful year, their illicit little defence group had brough Harry a lot of joy. Part of it had been the camaraderie which had formed between his peers and part of it was down to the thrill of dueling. Plus, Harry had found unexpected enjoyment in teaching; the satisfaction in seeing one of his friends master a spell they hadn't though they were capable of.

"It will kind of be like studying anyway won't it?" Ron shrugged. "And it'll give 'Mione a reason to leave the library."

"Besides," said Ginny, sensing imminent victory. "We can all help you. We'll teach the spells that we're best at, and once the older ones have got it, they can help teach the younger ones."

"What makes you think anyone will even want to come?"

Ron scoffed. "You said that last time, mate. That was when everyone was calling you a liar and we still had a ton of people show up. Now you're Harry Potter – Saviour of Wizardkind."

"We'll put out a message on the cons and see who shows. If it's just us then we have some fun dueling sessions." Ginny went on, ignoring Harry's sigh of defeat.

"Fine, but you have to help."

"Of course." Ginny beamed and Harry thought he probably would have agreed to do a four hour detention with Filch if it meant just being rewarded with that smile.

Ron was right, it turned out, Harry need not have worried that anyone would turn up. In fact, every coin holder who was still at Hogwarts attended. Even those who had long since misplaced their coins had somehow heard from friends that they were once more convening in the Room of Requirement on Tuesday evening. It wasn't so surprising that everyone had heard since the group was predominantly comprised of eighth years. In fact, Harry noticed, a bit guiltily, the only one from the eighth year cohort who wasn't present was Malfoy.

Across the room, Harry noticed Dennis Creevey, standing awkwardly in his teenage growth and no longer a child like Harry remembered him. He must be in 5th year now, Harry realised, feeling unexpectedly old, and was definitely the youngest in the group, just as he had been back then. Harry swallowed down the lump that rose in his throat as he thought of Colin, Dennis' older brother, the only member of the DA who had died in the final battle. Colin was in Ginny's year group, a sixth year when he died, but for some reason Harry could only picture him as that eager first year he had been when Harry first met him. Dennis looked a little lost in the room of eighth and seventh years, but Harry was incredibly pleased that he had turned up and soon Neville approached him with that gentle warmth of his and made the 8th year relax a bit.

With Colin gone, and the rest of the former DA now graduated from Hogwarts, they were left with just 11 members. It was a full turnout from those who were still there, but it felt a little quiet when they had been used to more than twenty members.

Their first meeting was a relaxed affair. Much like Snape had done in their first DADA lesson, Harry had them pair off and duel so he could assess everyone's abilities. He had them mix up multitude times so he could see how they interacted against different opponents and noted; as he watched, the spells which were used most frequently. In the latter half of the meeting, most of the casting died down as they fell into discussion. Harry asked them about the spells they wanted to learn and also about the spells they were best at and might be able to teach others. Their conversation moved seamlessly into who might want to join their not-so-secret club. Neville had some names of seventh years who had been part of the Hogwarts resistance the year before and Dennis was keen to bring some friends along. They didn't have the same need for privacy as they had before; one of Hermione's ruthless contracts wasn't necessary, but it was still nice to keep things away from the eyes of the masses. And Harry wasn't entirely sure that McGonagall and Snape would approve, even if what they were doing wasn't officially against the rules.

"I think we should invite Malfoy." Harry suggested carefully.

The room quieted at the proposal, but no one said anything against it. Harry almost wished they would. He knew that they didn't all agree with him. Terry and Michael, who had challenged Draco at the beginning of the year, certainly wouldn't be keen on the idea, but Harry's views on Malfoy were well known by this point. No matter their views, their respect for Harry far exceeded their disdain for Malfoy.

He answered their unspoken objections anyway. "We never had any Slytherins before. Maybe if we had welcomed more in, less of them would have turned to Voldemort in the war. I realise lots of you have had conflicts with Malfoy in the past, I had more than anyone, but he really has changed. If we're going to do this, we have to be inclusive. We have to show unity and a desire to move on from the conflicts of before."

Neville's voice spoke gently into the silence Harry left them in. "I think Harry's right. Malfoy has proved to Harry that he had changed. He might not have proved that to us yet, but we should give him the chance to try."

Slowly, nods of acquiescence spread around the room. Harry breathed a sigh of relief and looked gratefully at Neville. He was glad that Ginny had convinced him to reform the DA. It was exciting to be teaching again and equally exciting to see how his peers would engage with leading the group as well. He left the Room of Requirement that night planning lessons in his head and for once not worried about his magic or Death Eaters or Snape.

"What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" Draco asked startled by Severus' sudden question.

Severus narrowed his eyes at the blonde. "Something is bothering you."

Draco frowned. Merlin, you really couldn't hide anything from the Head of Slytherin.

"No, it isn't." He lied anyway.

"Obviously there is something, Draco. You have been distracted all evening. What is it?"

"It's nothing." Draco held up a hand to stop Snape's angry interruption. "No listen, I'm not sure if it is anything yet. I'll let you know when I do."

Severus stared at him and then inclined his head in agreement. He would allow the young Slytherin his time to investigate but that didn't mean Severus wouldn't investigate himself.

A quiet knock on the door brought their meeting to an end.

"He's back then?" Draco commented, and again Severus could detect something off in his tone.

"Apparently so." He murmured before raising his voice to the door. "Come in."

The door opened for Harry to come in as Draco stood to leave.

"We will speak again soon, Mr Malfoy." He said pointedly.

Draco nodded and turned to pass Potter in the doorway.

"Hey," Harry greeted him warmly.

"Potter." Malfoy answered and Harry seemed taken aback by the coolness in the other boy's tone.

The door closed on Malfoy and Potter took the vacated seat. "What's up with him?"

"I could not tell you," the professor answered. "As I do not know."

"And you wouldn't tell me anyway, right?"

Snape stared at him for a moment before inclining his head to confirm the truth of Harry's statement. "How has your week been?" Severus asked, forcing a casualness of tone that he didn't feel.

"Fine. Busy."

"Oh?"

Potter gave him nothing. "Just studying. NEWTs, you know?"

"I do."

An awkward silence fell between them that Severus detested. They had come so far but they had yet this hurdle to overcome.

"I think we need to talk about what happened after the Order meeting."

"We really don't."

The professor's lips pursed. "Harry, we do."

"Really, it's fine. I'm over it."

"I am not over it." Severus said, his tone a touch stern. "Nor do I believe that you are. I'm not blind, Harry, I see the distance you are putting between us."

Severus watched closely for the subtle cracks of Harry's shields. He saw none but the mildly frustrated line of Potter's mouth.

"I don't want to talk about all this again. Can't we just move on?"

"I would like us to move on, Harry." Severus answered earnestly. "But we need to talk before that happens. You still don't trust me."

"I do trust you."

"No, Harry, you won't trust me until you are able to forgive me."

They paused, eyeing each other intently and bearing the weight of the conversation. Severus wasn't just talking about the Dursleys anymore. There was much he had done which he wished Harry would forgive him for: telling Kingsley about his childhood, murdering Albus, and generally treating Harry like shit throughout his first six years of school. And of course, the worst thing Severus did, telling the Dark Lord about the prophecy and effectively signing the death warrants of Harry and his parents. It went unspoken but they both knew what they were talking about, even if Harry pretended otherwise.

"I've already forgiven you."

"Have you? You have thanked me for the good I did, and you understand why I did the bad, but you haven't forgiven me for doing it. You can't because you're still angry about it."

"I'm not angry." Harry denied calmly.

"Not outwardly, no. But you've got all your emotions bottled up inside. It's not healthy, Harry. You've got to let it out so that you can move on."

"I don't have any suppressed anger, alright? Just drop it." Harry ran a hand through his hair, a usual indicator that he was feeling stressed.

"No, Harry, we need to have this out." Severus pushed further, cautious but persistent. He wanted to be more to Harry; a friend perhaps, a mentor, but he needed Harry to trust him.

"There's nothing to have out! I'm not angry about anything!" His strained voice contradicted Harry's words.

"Harry, truly awful things have happened to you, before you were even fully grown. You have more right than anybody to be angry."

"Well, I don't want to be angry! There's no point to angry. Angry doesn't solve anything. I'm tired of angry."

Seeing the boy's increasingly agitated state and recalling the night in the headmistress' office, Severus cast a discreet locking charm at his office door while Harry stared stubbornly at the desk. This spell was more complicated than his regular locking charm. It interacted with the wards around his office and the magic within the materials as opposed to simply affecting the mechanics of the lock. Severus was under no illusions that it would stop Harry should he attack it with the same sheer level of power as he had exhibited before, but he hoped the challenge might slow him down slightly.

"I know, Harry, you're right. You won't change the past by venting your anger about it, but if you don't let it out, your anger will consume you. If you don't tell me about your anger with me, we can't move forward."

Harry could feel his Occlumency walls crumbling. He had that powerful urge to escape, to avoid Snape and the feelings he brought up. Harry so wanted to be more than just another student to Snape. He wanted his approval and respect and he wanted that person that other people have for advice and guidance. But it made him so vulnerable to admit that he desired those things and how could those things ever happen if he told Severus about the other side of his feelings; his disappointment and sadness and rage at all the man had done.

He followed the urge to escape and stood from his chair. "This is so stupid. I'm not angry. I don't need to talk about my feelings. I'm going."

In no time at all he had reached the door and discovered it was locked.

"Let me out, Snape."

"No." Severus remained in his chair, not wishing to escalate things, but he kept his hand near his wand should he need to use it in self-defence.

Harry's voice was raised now. "I want to leave. Open the bloody door!"

"I won't unlock the door until you have been honest with me."

"You really think I can't get passed a stupid locking spell?"

"No, I think you are perfectly capable of unlocking that door yourself. The question is whether or not you will."

Harry stormed back to the desk, a fire blazing in his eyes. "You want to know what winds me up?"

"Yes."

"I hate your stupid mind games! I hate that you never just say what you think."

"Ok."

"You're always speaking in code." Harry was in full flow, the heat in his belly fueling his tirade. "You say I don't talk about my feelings, but you give away nothing! I feel like I have to learn another language just to have a conversation with you half the time."

"I know." Severus said quietly, though he didn't think Harry really needed his input and he certainly didn't wish to stop the Gryffindor now he was talking.

"I hate that you always think you're right! You just assume you know better than everyone else. You're so fucking critical. I hate that you're so secretive and you have to control everything." His voice cracked slightly but he stayed fairly composed. "I hate that I care what you think! I hate that I need you."

He turned away to try the door again and Severus used the opportunity to come around his desk and sit on it from the other side, closer to Harry.

The door remained closed and Harry turned back to Snape, face flushed and eyes narrowing at the professor's closer presence.

"I hate this." Harry went on, teeth gritted. "I don't want to relive the past. It's just painful."

"I know." Severus repeated sadly. The boy was looking quite distressed and Severus felt the sudden urge to hold him. He resisted the desire, knowing Harry would not welcome it.

"You were such a bastard. You could have helped me, but you just hated me for no reason. You bated me and you hurt me and now you think you get a say in how I treat the Dursleys. It's such bullshit!" Harry clenched his fists to stop them shaking. Severus stood.

"You're the one who joined the Death Eaters." Harry accused even as the emotion overwhelmed him. Snape took a step forward and Harry stepped back just as swiftly. "For all that James and Sirius might have done to you, you are still the one who chose Voldemort." Severus stepped towards Harry again and this time Harry came forwards too, narrowing the gap between them. "You told him the prophecy." At last Harry broke, voice wavering, breath laboured. The tears came unbidden. "You told him the prophecy and my parents died."

Severus was close enough to reach out to the boy.

"I could have died and you didn't care."

Severus laid one hand on Harry's shoulder and cupped the other behind his head so he could pull the boy towards him.

"No." Harry resisted, pushing on his chest and pounding his fists against the professor when he only held him tighter.

He made one last attempt to push Snape away, forcing out the words through his despair. "You stole from me the life I should have had."

Severus kept one hand on the back of Harry's head, fingers carding through hair while his other hand rubbed firm soothing lines up and down Harry's spine. Ashamed, guilty and tired, Harry kept his face against Snape's collar bone. He didn't look up, he pressed his forehead into Snape's teaching robes, feeling the corner of his glasses poking uncomfortably into his face. He didn't look up, but if he had, he would have seen that his were not the only eyes red rimmed and his cheeks were not the only ones wet.

Harry didn't look up. Instead he opened his clenched fists until he could grasp the loose fabric of Severus' robes and he held on tight.