FULCRUM

The pivot point, or where balance is achieved.

Please note this trigger warning for past non-con in this chapter and possibly dub-con later in this story. If you have read my prior fan fic, you know that I am interested in relationships and not gratuitous sex or violence. When these type situations occur in my story, they are important to the plot and to the character development. I am not seeking to glamorize or romanticize or in any way condone this behavior. But the Dark Side is Dark. Stay with me for a bit as this unfolds.

Disney, Lucasfilm and their affiliates own all of the Star Wars characters and content, and I make no claims to that intellectual property. This is a work of fan fiction.

CHAPTER 1

I have a bad feeling about this.

Rey feels something shortly before the First Order shuttle appears on the horizon. She can't pinpoint what it is, but it is familiar. It begins as a faint feeling of dread, but its intensity increases moment by moment like the wail of a siren coming closer, ever louder, until Rey's inner voice screams "DANGER!" incessantly. Utter panic paralyzes her for precious moments until Maz shakes her roughly.

"RUN!" Maz puts her thousand years of survival into that one word. She too has sensed the approach of the Dark Side's prince. Rey grabs little Han while Maz throws the bag Rey uses for the boy's essentials over her shoulder. In their haste, neither thinks to grab a weapon. Their only concern is the child. Then Rey is out the back door of the ramshackle cantina as fast as she can manage with a squirming toddler in her arms. She will disappear into the woods.

Rey doesn't get far before she sees the first flash of white stormtrooper armor amid the thick forest undergrowth. They are hunting her, methodically circling in to block any escape. The chase is brief and soon she is surrounded on all sides by twenty or more troopers with guns raised at the ready. Rey stands frozen in their midst, an unarmed woman with a child in her arms and fear in her eyes.

The monster has finally found us.

The rustle of forest ferns and the throbbing, spitting sound of his lightsaber precede the approach of Kylo Ren. He picks his way slowly through the forest with the stealthy grace of a born predator. He is a shadow made flesh, sleek and deadly. He comes into her peripheral vision and stops.

There is no escape from Kylo Ren.

Rey averts her head, unwilling to even look at this man. Everything about that day almost three years ago haunts her. From the interrogation room, to Han Solo, to the duel in the woods. Kylo Ren is the stuff of nightmares, and seeing him again brings all the awful trauma rushing back.

Does he want revenge? Is he here to kill us? Does he even know?

Rey trembles and her chest heaves with exertion and adrenaline. She pulls the child closer. For a moment, she fears her legs will fail her and she will crumple to the earth. It is but a momentary weakness. Rey of Jakku rallies to stand strong. Strong for herself and strong for her secret son.

"I found your traitor," Kylo Ren announces. "FN-2187's head was full of secrets. You were one of them."

He motions to the lead trooper. "Put her on board. Leave the kid."

"No!" Rey resists as a trooper reaches to pull the boy from her arms. In an instant, it becomes a tug of war. She bares her teeth, as if hoping that by sheer force of will she can protect the child. Abandoned out here deep in the woods at dusk, the boy will have no way of making it back to safety on his own. There are creatures in these woods. And who knows if Maz Kanata will be alive to know to come look for him. "No, you can't!" Rey shouts, tugging harder as the boy screams.

A second trooper approaches to calmly level his blaster at the boy's head. "Drop the kid," he orders.

Rey ceases her struggle. Beaten, she turns her outraged eyes to Kylo Ren's blank mask, finally looking at the fearsome man who forever changed her life.

Does he know? He doesn't know. I don't think he knows.

"He's just a baby," she pleads. "Take him back to the bar. He'll die out here on his own at night."

"Then he's one less Resistance sympathizer for us to deal with in a few years." Ren turns back to the lead trooper. "Leave the kid," he orders as he begins to stalk away.

Rey feels panic rise within her. And anger. A swelling, insistent anger at this man, at her situation, at the First Order, at the injustice of the universe at large.

The boy is roughly yanked from her arms and begins to wail even louder. Someone snaps tight cuffs around her wrists and suddenly troopers arrive to tug at each of her elbows, dragging her forward. They lead her away.

Little Han is left standing alone, red-faced and screaming.

His cries tear at her very soul. His incoherent screams are not words but she knows their meaning. Come back! Come back! She herself has said these words, and she has lived their meaning. Rey keeps twisting around to look at the boy. Finally she loses her balance, stumbles and falls hard to her knees. Come back! Come back!

Memories of her own childhood abandonment replay incessantly through her mind and Rey can see no other option. She will not allow her son to be left behind as she once was. Revealing the truth might ensure the boy's death, rather than save him. But Rey is desperate and willing to take that chance. She hollers like a mad woman at the black hooded figure who marches ahead of her.

"Kylo Ren, that's your son!"

Ren freezes mid step, as do the troopers who trail in his wake. Every head turns to look at her.

Rey can't keep the note of satisfaction from her voice as she reveals the child before so many witnesses. "That's your son that you are abandoning here!"

Kylo Ren says nothing. He advances on her quickly. He is cunning mixed with rage, and he is focused solely on her. There is nowhere to run. Once again, there is no escape from Kylo Ren.

As his gloved hand comes close to her face it begins to tremble with his power. Rey feels the pain behind her eyes and the ringing in her ears as Ren invades her mind. This time is worse, far worse than on Starkiller Base. He is deep in her mind before she can blink. Her body shakes uncontrollably as he rifles through her memories. Rey is nauseous and dizzy, but she does not attempt to resist.

Go ahead and take a look. See what you did.

And so Ren sees the truth in its unhappy entirety. Sees her refuse General Leia's request that Rey bring the lightsaber to Luke Skywalker and ask him to help the Resistance . . . Rey wants nothing to do with the Jedi or the Force after the Starkiller Base. . . sees her shock and confusion at discovering her pregnancy and her long indecision about what to do about it . . . knows that she has no memories of being with Kylo Ren but that she had seen the bruises, the blood and the stickiness and felt the injury later on and made the obvious assumption . . . hears the ever gallant Finn offer to marry her and raise the baby as their own . . . Finn urges her to confide in General Leia but Rey is too upset and besides the General is grieving and doesn't need more bad news about her murdering son. . . sees secretly pregnant Rey leave the Resistance and arrive at Maz Kanata's half rebuilt cantina to beg for a job . . . only Finn and Maz know her secret and Rey is determined to keep it that way . . . no one will ever know that Rey has birthed the son of the infamous Kylo Ren . . . a child born of rape who she loves more than anything else in the universe.

Then, it is over. Ren lowers his hand and the expressionless mask stares down at her a long moment.

Rey pants heavily. Sweat and tears mingle on her face. "Please," she begs in a hoarse whisper, "don't leave him here to die."

Ren turns and motions to the nearest trooper. "Take the kid," is all he says. He turns back to Rey, waves his hand in her direction and everything fades to black.

He had never done that to any woman before the scavenger girl. Controlling his impulses has always been hard, but this act shocks even Kylo Ren himself. He had felt better about it after she had marked his face in the duel, figuring that Rey had deserved such treatment. No, she had deserved worse. Arguably, Kylo Ren had done worse. Many times. But in the immediate aftermath, Ren had felt uncomfortably ashamed.

Even the Dark Side has its standards. He can only imagine what Grandfather would say.

She provoked him, he still maintains. It was her fault because the dirty trash picker had made him so angry. Angry that she had known and admired his father and that his father had known and admired her. Angry that as an untrained Force-user she could best him in an interrogation technique that he had mastered years ago. Angry that she had dared to speak aloud to his face his secret fear that he would never equal Vader. Angry that this Jakku nobody had accidentally found the map to Skywalker that he had searched for years to find. Angry that she had looked so serene and pretty lying unconscious on the interrogation table while he had waited for her to awaken. Angry most of all that he was so drawn to the Light that seemed to radiate off The Girl.

That was his forever weakness. The call to the Light. How humiliated Ren had felt by her attraction just hours after he had assured his master that he would not be seduced by the Light. We shall see. We shall see. Snoke had been unconvinced. Rightfully so, as it had turned out.

Darkness will always eclipse the Light. After The Girl had resisted him, Ren had wanted to prove that to her, to punish her, to hurt her, to dominate her, to show her the Dark Side. And so he had hauled The Girl from the interrogation chair still confused from his mental assault, overpowered her half-starved frame to wrestle her to the floor and violate her until blood trickled down her thigh. Ren had warned The Girl that he could take anything. And he did.

The Force always leaves a lingering tie between minds after an intense mental connection, and he had sensed her horror, her pain and her utter outrage at his actions. But still, her Light did not dim. Kylo Ren could not sully her. When it was over, her Light and dignity were intact, and he had only further lowered himself in his own eyes. The act had been unworthy of him.

It had felt something like killing Han Solo. A display of power that ultimately had proved deeply dissatisfying. Afterwards he had felt weaker and more conflicted than ever. The Girl was right—he is a monster.

He had briefly considered whether to kill her to cover his crime. But The Girl was his only link to the map to Skywalker, so he had invaded her consciousness again. "Forget," he had intoned, waving his hand before her eyes and blanking her memory of his attack with the Force.

But the Force is fickle. Yes, it had erased her present conscious knowledge. But it had also let a child take hold in her body, creating a life to forever bear witness to his crime.

That life now toddles around his command shuttle, babbling and wearing a First Order officer's hat sliding off his head. The boy keeps returning to the side of his mother, who slumps unconscious in a heap on the floor. The child pokes at her and calls to her but she does not awaken. Then, the boy goes back to babbling and wandering the shuttle again.

Ren does his best to ignore him.

It is hard. For from that small boy blazes forth an enormous Force imprint, stronger even than the mother's. It is pure, shining Light. It fascinates Kylo Ren and though he tries, he cannot look away. He keeps sneaking furtive glances.

My son. That is my son. Is that my son?

Consequences are an unfamiliar burden for Kylo Ren. While his Sith master demands strict obedience, Snoke rarely imposes other limitations. He exists outside of the First Order military hierarchy and rules do not apply to the leader of the Knights of Ren.

So officers could be punished on a whim, equipment destroyed in a fit of rage, starships wrecked with casual carelessness, and soldiers and civilians alike maimed or killed in the crossfire of Kylo Ren's violent life. And always, someone else would step in to clean up the mess while he walked away. The aftermath of Kylo Ren has always been someone else's problem.

Until now. Ren is glad that to a man his troopers and officers have crowded themselves upfront for the shuttle ride back to the Finalizer. Few in the military voluntarily spend time in the company of Kylo Ren and today the entire detachment seems to sense that the First Knight should be left alone with the captive woman and the child she claims to be his. Ren can only imagine his underlings' conversation. His face colors beneath his mask at the thought of being the topic of their petty gossip.

His gaze wanders back to The Girl. This time he had ordered a stormtrooper to carry her to the shuttle and she had been dumped unceremoniously at his feet. She looks different from when he had last seen her on the Starkiller. She is clean now and no longer half-starved. Softer, more feminine. More civilized, less feral. Altogether more ordinary. Drab.

But she still has all that bewitching Light and caramel skin.

Rey . . . her name is Rey. He has known her name for some time, but in his mind she is always The Girl. Somehow it is easier to think of her as a generic person and not an individual. That is the way of the First Order. Its troopers are numbered not named and most of its officers are referred to solely by rank. Only those who matter are named. If The Girl truly is the mother of his child, then he will have to think of her as Rey now.

This was going to get very complicated.

Ren shifts uneasily. His Master will have to be told. Immediately.