Life and Love in Paris

or

Missing the obvious: an excerpt from the biography of Nino

or

Shut up dude, this girl stuff is hard for normal teenagers, okay?

If you ask Plagg, the story has been told before and quite frankly, after six millennia it's getting old. Cat meets bug, cat falls for bug, but bug loves boy who is actually cat. This carries on for a varying amount of time before boy is revealed to be cat, at which point bug gets over herself and falls for cat.

Tikki insists it's not the same story. That the players are different, and that can change it each and every time.

Usually, Plagg thinks Tikki is full of it. But this one time, she may have something vaguely resembling a point. Because this time the tale has side characters!

Boy's best friend thinks he has fallen for girl (who is actually bug) but has actually fallen for girl's best friend, who is trying to get boy and girl together. Boy's best friend thinks the solution to this is for boy to date girl's best friend, because somehow, that will allow boy's best friend to have his cake and eat it too.

Boy, honestly, does not have time for this nonsense.

Nino wasn't entirely sure when it happened.

He'd known Marinette for years. She'd been on the periphery of his notice for more than half his life, and he'd actually known her well enough to talk to her for almost four years now. She was just a girl in his class – a nice girl, but kind of awkward and bumbling. He hadn't really thought too much of her.

But this year… oh, man.

He didn't know what had happened, but Marinette had really come out of her shell this year and it was hot. Yeah, she was still awkward and bumbling, but now she was confident and sassy too. And the way she and Alya could play off each other, ho-ly hell could he watch those girls all day.

And he was a teenage guy. He had needs. Thoughts. He had fantasised about most of the girls in his class at least once. It was just that one day, in the middle of a perfectly normal fantasy about Marinette and Alya, he'd realised he kind of wasn't entirely okay with his own imagination. He didn't want Marinette in that situation.

It was about then that he realised he kind of liked her a whole lot.

That was… terrifying.

He was a late bloomer. He'd never had a girlfriend, never kissed anyone, never done anything like that. He'd never even had a proper crush on someone, actually – just stupid little 'I like you' moments and celebrity crushes. But Marinette wasn't a celebrity. And he didn't just like her. He really, really liked her. A lot.

He had no idea how you were supposed to talk to someone you liked. It had to be different, right? You had to be cooler. Flirty. You definitely had to be able to flirt with a girl you had a crush on. Definitely. Because you had to be cool. You had to be suave. Attractive. Desirable.

And he would have it a million times worse because most of the time he spent around Marinette he also spent around Adrien, who was the definition of suave, attractive, and desirable. When he wasn't making the stupid jokes no one ever believed he made.

How the hell was Nino supposed to look attractive with a literal male model standing beside him? He couldn't! He would look all gangly and round and dumb!

No way he could talk to Marinette like that.

Adrien was almost always busy. It was just his schedule, to the point that he sometimes had to actually escape and go completely AWOL just to get some time to himself. That could make getting in contact with him kind of hard, but he was an awesome guy and a better friend, so he would always call back when he could.

"Hey, sorry, I had a thing," was the first thing Adrien said after he picked up. "What's up?"

For a few seconds, Nino tried to play it cool. Then his mouth opened without his consent. "So Marinette's hot, right?"

"What, you mean from a professional perspective?"

"What?"

"Right, of course not. Well, I guess? She's… pretty," he said slowly. "I dunno, man, it's hard to tell when she freaks out every time I look at her."

"Ugh, of course you go there. Why do I even talk to you about this stuff?" he demanded, and Adrien made a noise that could have been hurt or amused, it was hard to tell.

"Sometimes I wonder. What stuff in particular?"

"Girls, man! Girls! Grow a pair and help me out here!"

He softly snorted. "Dude, come on. My whole family's in the fashion industry and I'm a model. Judging girls' bodies is something I do when my father wants me to take an interest in business."

Nino had to give him that, creepy as it sounded, but it didn't help him right now. "Whatever. Marinette's super crazy hot and it's driving me loco!"

"Crazy and loco are the same word," he noted absently, and then said, "Wait. Hold on, are you saying you like Marinette?"

"I dunno. Maybe? I mean, that ass is epic."

"Uh huh," Adrien paused. "Yeah, maybe don't say that to her."

"I mean in the fantastic way, not the huge way! And it is! It's like, so high, and tight, and those legs! The legs, bro." He continued listing off all her amazing qualities, continuing from the legs to her lips and then her eyes and then onto stuff like her smile and the way she could make you feel like a million bucks. It was a long, comprehensive list. He'd written it out for himself while waiting for Adrien to call him back. "And the way she stands up to Chloe? The hands on the hips and the look? So freaking hot."

Adrien hummed, obviously imagining it. "Not gonna lie, but those speeches of hers are really amazing. The glint she gets in her eye… okay, yeah, I get it. Sure. Definitely attractive."

Panic immediately flooded Nino. Adrien was not allowed to crush on Marinette. "Dude! Bro, if you steal her from me, I will…" He frowned, not entirely sure how to finish the sentence. Adrien was too nice to do it, but he could totally kick his ass. So Nino ended lame. "…never talk to you again."

He snorted again. "Calm down, I'm a one woman man and Marinette is not it for me."

"You what?" he demanded, pulling the phone away to stare at it. "Since when do you like someone? Dude, if it's Chloe –"

His noise this time was a little more grossed out. "Come on, she's like a sister to me. That's disgusting."

Nino filed both pieces of information away for later and went back to panicking. "Okay, so what do I do about Marinette?"

"I don't know. Ask her out?" he suggested lightly.

"What? No! I can't do that!"

"Why? Is she dating someone else?"

"I don't think so," he said, and then gasped. "Unless her and Alya are dating. They're not, right? That's not a thing that's happening. Marinette likes dudes, right?"

Adrien was starting to sound amused. "I don't know. As some friendly advice, though, I'd also suggest not leading with that next time you talk to her. Probably not the best way to pick up."

"I think she does. I'm pretty sure she does. She was dating Renee Zaikos last year," he reminded himself. "And I think they broke up because he was a moron, not because he's a guy. Okay, that's cool, I'm safe."

"So, this would be a bad time to mention that people can like both," Adrien said playfully. "Or change their preferences. Or just date one to –"

"Dude!"

Adrien was laughing at him. Normally, Nino didn't mind, because Adrien needed to laugh more, but this was serious.

"Look, Nino, don't get all hung up on it. Just ask her out! If she says no, then she says no, but she won't! Any girl would love to go out with you. And –" He suddenly cut off, and then sighed. "I gotta go. I just got home and it looks like the Gorilla's been waiting for me, which means I'm gonna get a lecture. Are you okay?"

And despite everything, Nino had to admit he did feel better. Just having told Adrien felt like lifting a weight off his chest. And he had the feeling that his man would have his back at school the next time they saw Marinette.

"Yeah, I'm cool. Thanks, bro."

"No problem," he said. "See you tomorrow, Nino."

"See ya."

Nino sat back in his chair and stared up at the ceiling. Adrien thought he was cool. Adrien knew a bunch of rich and famous people, but Nino was still his best friend, and aside from Chloe, kind of his only friend.

If someone like Adrien thought Nino was that cool, then… yeah, maybe he could ask Marinette out. And maybe she'd say yes, and they'd date, and it'd be sweet. And then, maybe, Nino could figure out who Adrien liked, and he could help set them up, and then maybe Adrien would finally have some happiness in his life.

But first, Marinette. And him. On a date.

Cool. Okay. He had a plan.

"Okay, Nino, this is your moment," Adrien said, clapping his hands and then pointing them at him. "In one minute, Marinette is going to come back from P.E., and we will have five minutes before our next class. In those five minutes, you are going to ask her out for coffee, she is gonna say yes, and it's gonna be cool, slick, and simple. You ready?"

Nino took a deep breath, clenching his fists in front of himself. "Ready. I can do this," he said, then stopped and lifted his fists up over his mouth. "Dude, what if she says no?"

"She won't. She's gonna say yes!" he insisted, and lifted his hands up to hold Nino by the shoulders in a move that never failed to make Nino feel better. For someone that spent so much of his own time stressing, Adrien was surprisingly good at comforting people. "Trust me, you are awesome. And Marinette is one hundred percent gonna fall for you. This is just step one of the master plan."

"Step one. Right. And step two is…?"

Adrien slumped slightly, unimpressed. "Actually going on the date?"

"Oh! Yeah. Right. Because I'll ask her and then I'll actually go on the date and then…"

"No, no, no!" he said, cutting him off with a look. "Step one. Just focus on step one. Okay?"

"Okay. Step one. Ask her out. Right. Okay."

The locker room door opened, and the two of them turned to stare as the other half of their class came in, all of them complaining about grass burns and kicked shins. Nino squeaked as Marinette and Alya came in, but Adrien's hand on his shoulder kept him steady.

"Okay, dude. Go!"

And then he was shoved forward, stumbling into the girls' path. They both jumped as he nearly collided with them, but he managed to regain his footing and stop.

"Hey! Hey, girls. Hey," he said, hand jerking up in a wave before he realised how lame that was and yanked it back down.

"Hey, Nino," said Alya, before Marinette smiled and Nino's attention zeroed in on her face.

The smile was as cute and welcoming as ever, but more importantly, she was flushed bright pink, and her forehead was sweaty under her fringe. Her freckles were standing out on her pale skin. She looked so small and vulnerable and after step two would come step three: kissing. And then, hopefully, there would be a step four, and maybe a five and ohh, there went his brain, excellent, um…

"Well, great talk, gotta go, bye!" he yelped, and dashed past them.

He hid under the stairs until Adrien found him a couple of minutes later, leaning down to stare at him with cocked head and raised eyebrow. "So… step one still in progress, huh?"

"Put me out of my misery. Please, man, I'm beggin' ya."

"What's the deal? She's just a girl," he said. "You never used to have a problem talking to her."

"I know, but it's like… now I'm thinking about her like that, I can't stop thinking about her like that!" he groaned.

"Like… what, exactly?"

"You know… kissing and touching and…"

Adrien gazed at him silently for a second, before saying, "Well, there have been worse ways to tell someone you love them, but—"

"Dude! I'm not – this isn't –!"

"—but speaking from personal experience here, it's kind of creepy when it happens. Probably not what you're aiming for," he said, and then dropped into a crouch in front of him. "Besides, you're my best friend and I totally have your back. But if that's seriously all you're interested in, I don't think a date is what you're looking for and that makes this whole thing a bad idea."

Great. The guy who would stand up for Chloe was calling him out. He sobbed into his knees. "That's not why I like her, it's just when I look at her right now it's all I can think about! I mean, look at her! She's so beautiful and little and perfect!"

"And you officially need to lighten up," Adrien informed him, once again proving his mastery of the hypocritical statement. "Come on, we'll try again this afternoon. In the meantime, we have to go learn about dead people."

"Who probably all had better love lives than me."

"Maybe, but the only action they're getting now is with worms, so I still think you're ahead."

Unfortunately, Nino got held back after class for daydreaming (about step three. Adrien was right; he was really getting ahead of himself), and by the time he even got down to the lockers Marinette was sprinting for home, bright red and squealing about something.

When he got inside, it was to find Adrien and Alya talking quietly near the boys' bathrooms. He blinked, something about the image distracting him.

Honestly, he didn't know Alya that well, but she'd always seemed cool. She was confident, brave, a little crazy about the whole Ladyblog thing, but at least she had something she was passionate about. The few times they'd talked, she'd been pretty funny too. And all that aside, there was a reason she'd featured in his fantasies before.

Adrien noticed him looking and smiled, gesturing him over. "Hey. Everything okay with the teacher?"

"Yeah, it's cool," he said. "What was up with Marinette?"

"She spaced," Alya said with a nervous grin. "Totally got her direction wrong and went to the boys' room instead of the girls'. Super embarrassing."

"I was just telling Alya you were having that kind of day too," Adrien added. "That's why you were so out of it after study hall."

"Oh! Right! Yeah, that's why," he said, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Hope I didn't wig you girls out or whatever."

"Nah, it's cool. Remember, I'm best friends with Marinette. There is no spaz like a Marinette spaz," she said cheerfully, then flinched and looked at Adrien again. "I mean, you know, not that she's always a spaz. She's actually really cool. And super sweet. And talented. And really nice."

"Yeah, she seems like it," Adrien said, winking at Nino before refocussing on Alya. "Not that I've ever gotten through anything like a real conversation with her. But Nino's always talking about how great she is. They've known each other for years. Crazy, right?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, that's something," she said, glancing at him. Then her eyes snapped back to him. "So you know what I realised, Adrien? We barely ever talk. I mean, Marinette and I sit behind you guys in every class and we never hang out, how weird is that?"

Nino and Adrien exchanged glances. It wasn't that weird – they didn't usually hang out with anyone but each other. But then Adrien suddenly perked up and smiled at her. "Hey, you're right. We should fix that. All four of us should go out some time. Have some fun together, you know?"

Alya jumped a little, grinning broadly. "Absolutely! Yeah, we should um…"

"We should get coffee," he said. "After school one day. Say… uh…" He faltered, grabbing his phone out of his back pocket. He pulled up his calendar and cycled through it, but Nino was watching Alya's expression. Her eyes were widening with each passing second, and she was slowly leaning forward in anticipation. Adrien made a small noise of triumph and stuffed his phone away again. "Thursday. How about it? On Thursday, after school, the four of us will go get a drink from that place down the street. If that works for you and Marinette."

"That totally works for me," Alya said firmly. "And Marinette will definitely be there."

"Great!" Adrien clapped a hand on Nino's shoulder and began pushing him toward his locker. "Sounds fantastic; we'll see you then. Great. Excellent. Nino, move your feet," he added in an undertone.

But Nino had barely heard him when a voice boomed out from somewhere outside the school, "Red! Means! STOP!" and then crimson light blasted through the windows above them.

"Uh oh," Nino said quietly, all thoughts of girls and coffee fleeing his mind.

Adrien disappeared again, but Nino was a little preoccupied with not being frozen by a traffic-obsessed akuma and didn't really have time to worry about it until he got home a couple of hours later and checked his mobile to find Adrien had tried to call him three times in the last ten minutes.

He called him back to reassure him he was fine, but he barely got past 'I'm cool, bro' before Adrien got called into the Chinese class the akuma had already delayed.

Which left Nino alone with homework, music, and thoughts. And he discarded the homework pretty quickly.

Only then did he realise Adrien had gotten him a date with Marinette without even trying.

Holy crap, he had a date with Marinette this Thursday.

Yeah, it was a double-date, but—

Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

Wait.

Double-date. Adrien and Alya. Adrien and Alya would be dating too. Adrien and Alya on a date.

No. Wait, no, Adrien had just done it for him. He didn't actually want to date Alya. He wasn't interested in Alya. He had that mystery girl, the not-Marinette. Yeah.

But… this afternoon, Alya had been like, super focussed on Adrien. Only really talking to him. She'd… oh, man, she liked him.

That was… beside the point. Adrien was a one-woman man, he'd said. And he would've said if it was Alya he liked. Right?

He grabbed his phone and sent a text to make sure.

Two hours and lots of low-key panic later, he got a text back asking if this meant Nino was giving up on Marinette, and then a second one reassuring him that Adrien's lady (and he actually used that phrase: 'my lady'. It would've been hilarious if Nino didn't know Adrien well enough to know he was using it completely seriously) wasn't anyone he knew from school.

Which was.

You know.

That was fine. Not that it would've mattered, because… you know.

In fact, it was kind of a shame. Talking to Alya was easy. Like, so easy. Almost as easy as talking to Adrien. And if the two of them were there, then Nino was like, absolutely convinced he'd be able to talk to Marinette, too, because the conversation would just flow, right? And he could totally just play off Adrien's natural coolness to seem cool himself. And then Marinette would fall for him and maybe even ask him out on a date, and then step one would be complete without any actual effort from him and then step two would be easy because they'd technically already done it with Adrien and Alya, and then there would be step three and step four and –

He could practically sense Adrien's unimpressed look from halfway across the city, and took a deep breath.

First, he had to make it to Thursday. He could do that.

Thursday came. And so did an akuma attack that had all four of them scattered to the winds by four o'clock, and when Nino facetimed Adrien it was to find him looking as close to shattered as the picture-perfect model prince was capable of being.

"Dude, you okay?"

"Uh—" He lowered the phone to hide a yawn. "—huh. I got freeze-rayed. Twice."

"How?"

"Skill," he said simply. "How'd you go?"

"Managed to avoid Frosty's scoop, but I'm back home now. No problems."

"That's good. So, I hate to bail on you, but I'm not feeling—" He turned his head away to block another yawn behind his hand. "—so great, and I have a meeting with Father after dinner tonight. Can I raincheck the coffee?"

A large part of him wanted to say no – to demand Adrien drag himself to his house and then get the girls and then take them all out for the drink as promised. But as much as Adrien liked to disappear, he almost never actually bailed without reason. He'd bend over backwards to keep promises, or make it up to Nino if he failed to meet him somewhere. He had to be feeling a lot worse than he looked if he was actually trying to get out of something.

"Yeah, man, it's cool. I'll text Alya to see if we can do it another time."

"No, you should still go," he suggested. "Look, it'll be fine. Alya's Marinette's best friend, so if you end up dating Marinette, you'll need to—" Another yawn. Geez, the guy had to be wiped. "—get along with her. And talking to both of them will be way less awkward than just one on one."

"Dude, no. I can barely handle one girl, I'm not taking on two of them!" he insisted.

Adrien gave him a sympathetic look and nodded. "Okay. Your call."

"Yeah. Take a nap, bro, and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thanks, Nino. You're a friend," he said warmly, and lifted a hand to wave. "See you."

Nino took a moment to properly consider his stance on two-on-one. His mind went bad places and he groaned out a laugh, then lifted his phone again to call Alya and postpone the coffee.

So talking to Alya on the phone had proven two things to him: one, she was as cool as she'd seemed, but totally obsessed with Ladybug, and two: she was strong, sassy, and Adrien was totally right. If he was going to date Marinette, he'd have to be friends with Alya. It was obvious those two came as a packaged deal, just like him and Adrien. Girlfriend or no girlfriend, he wasn't giving up his bro. He couldn't expect Marinette to give up her girl.

So you followed that thought through, and the next step was simple. "Dude," he said, grabbing Adrien's shoulder to try and distract him from his calendar for two seconds. "You need to date Alya."

As a model, Adrien had perfected many faces. His 'what the hell' face was particularly good. "Hah?"

"You're good with girls, man! You won't have any problem asking her out! And then, check this, it's an awesome plan. You date Alya, right? But you don't stop hanging out with me because bros before—"

"Nino?"

Perfect goddamn prince.

"—so Marinette starts hanging out with you, which means she hangs out with me, and we get to know each other and have like double-dates and stuff and so I never actually have to ask her out, which is kinda my problem, and then we start dating and she falls in love with me and bam! I have a girlfriend!" he cried, spreading his arms wide.

Adrien continued looking at him quietly for a few seconds, as if making sure he was done, before saying, "One, I'm not doing that to Alya. Two, my father's publicist would literally skin me alive. Three, there are better ways to just hang out with a girl. Four, I don't have time for a real girlfriend, let alone one that's all about getting you a date. Five –"

"Okay, okay, I get the picture," he said. "But you should seriously think about it. I mean, she's hot, really cool, dedicated, funny—"

Adrien's eyebrow was starting to rise into his hairline.

"—she'd totally have the balls to stand up to your dad, and you seriously need someone to do that for you—"

Adrien's eyebrow immediately dropped, along with his other one, into the closest his boy could come to a scowl.

"—and you're literally a cover model any girl would give her left kidney to go out with!" he finished triumphantly. "If anyone's gonna get that girl away from the Ladyblog and on a date, it's you."

"Wow, I sound like a steal," he deadpanned, and lifted his phone, and the reminder of his fencing class, into Nino's line of sight. "I've gotta go. Remember, step one, man! I'll see you tomorrow."

"Hey, Alya," Nino greeted as he sank into his chair sideways. Adrien had an early morning shoot, so he hadn't bothered waiting outside, and Marinette was late as always, leaving Nino free to talk to his hot and sassy classmate. "Got a minute?"

She blinked at him over her phone. "I guess?"

"So the other day, I couldn't help but notice you've got a thing for my boy Adrien."

"Wh- no!" She laughed, raising a hand to flick it at him. "I do not like Adrien."

Which was totally why she'd been all drooly over him, and jumped at the chance to go out. Sure. "Why not? He's an awesome dude once you get to know him."

"Yeah, I'm sure he is," she said. "Remembering that I've never had the chance. The guy barely talks!"

"Only because people don't talk to him!" he insisted. "You two'd really get along great. You have loads in common, like… uh…" He floundered, trying to think of anything they had in common. He didn't know Alya that well and Adrien wasn't exactly bursting at the seams to talk about all the stuff his dad made him do. "You like Jagged Stone, right? So does Adrien! And he's like, the biggest Ladybug fan. He totally follows your blog."

She blinked again. "Really? He never said anything."

"Dude, he is all over that noise," he said. "You should totally talk to him about it sometime!"

"Uh, okay, I guess," she said, raising an eyebrow. "Why the interest?"

"Interest? What interest? This isn't interest, this is…" He cycled his hand, but was saved having to actually come up with anything by Miss Bustier entering the room.

"Okay, everyone, let's settle down and start roll call. Adrien will be coming in late today, and I see Marinette is –"

"Here!" the girl herself yelled as she burst into the classroom, her jacket only half-on and bag flying off her shoulder. "I am absolutely here, Miss Bustier!"

Pink faced and triumphant. Step three reared its delicious head and Nino's thoughts were lost.

Adrien came in halfway through second period, eyes dark with makeup he obviously hadn't bothered to clean off, and he all but fell into the seat beside Nino. "I'm running on four hours' sleep and a single hot chocolate. Kick me if I fall asleep," he muttered, taking out his tablet and text book.

There was some furious whispering going on behind them, but when Nino glanced back, Marinette and Alya only grinned guiltily and bent even closer together. He didn't get to find out what was going on, even at lunch, when he and Adrien were trading food (why Adrien preferred a cruddy store-bought cheese and bacon sandwich over his fancy pasta thingy, Nino had no idea, but he wasn't complaining) and Alya strolled up to lean over the back of their bench.

"Hey, guys! Mind if we join you?"

"We?" Nino repeated, and Alya blinked, then looked around.

Marinette was doing a very bad job of hiding behind a pole several metres away.

"Oh, for the…"

Adrien sighed and stood up. "I should go get rid of this makeup anyway. I'll see you guys in class."

"W-wait, Adrien –!" Alya began, but too late. He just waved his traded sandwich and wandered off toward the locker rooms. She winced and looked at Nino. "He okay?"

"Just tired," he said, glancing past her to where Marinette was watching Adrien go with wide eyes. "He thinks he like, scares her or something. Probably wasn't up to dealing with it, you know?"

"And it is so not his problem to deal with," she said, and came around to sit down beside him. "Not yet, anyway."

"Huh?'

"Nothing, nothing! So you guys have been eating together a lot lately," she said, unpacking her own lunch. "Neither of you going home lately?"

"Egh. By the time I get to my house, I only have maybe twenty minutes to eat before I gotta come back, so if Adrien doesn't have anything going on I'll usually stick around," he said. "I think he finally convinced the scary chick that runs his life that staying at school for lunch isn't going to kill him."

"Scary… you mean that woman with the red streak in her hair? Isn't that his dad's assistant?"

"Yup. She tells him where he's gotta be and when. And she totally tracks him down and like, fully kidnaps him if he goes off on his own." He'd only been there once to see Adrien get caught skivving. It had been downright creepy, the way the woman and Gorilla had stared them down. silently listing all the ways his rebellion was both wrong and a disappointment to the nation itself. Nino totally didn't blame Adrien for crumpling and going with them. "I wish I was kidding."

"Seriously? Freaky."

"So is Marinette gonna be joining us or what?" he asked, and Alya joined him in looking over at his obsession. She had turned around and seemed to be either giving herself a pep-talk or beating herself up. She was smiling while staring downward, so it really could have gone either way.

"Nah. She has these little spazzes sometimes," Alya said, raising her eyebrow. "Just let her talk herself out of wherever her brain's gone and she'll work it out."

Damn, she was cute.

But if Marinette wasn't going to join them, this was the perfect time for him to get to work on that whole Adrien-dating-Alya thing. Sure, Adrien didn't seem up for it, but if he could just get Alya to work up the courage to ask him out it'd go way smoother.

"What've you got for lunch? I swapped with Adrien, so I've got some kind of chicken pasta thing," he said, showing her his spoils.

"Ooh, lucky!" She showed off her own sandwich, fruit, and cheese combination. "I'll trade you my cheese for three bites."

"Done." He even graciously let her have the fork before he'd touched it. She moaned at the first bite, sending his brain to places it shouldn't go when he was technically working on a plan to ask out her best friend, but he managed to keep everything under control and instead said, "Can you believe he always eats like this? He's got a personal chef, the lucky jerk."

"Yeah, but he's a model right? They have to have special diets and stuff. This is probably crazy healthy," she said, before taking her second bite. She chewed and swallowed before peeking up at him again. "Why the heck would he trade you for… what was that, a sandwich?"

"I dunno. I'd say pity, but he's totally not the type," he said. "If you guys join us for lunch next time, you should try swapping with him. But I warn you, I'll fight you for it."

"You are so on," she said, shovelling the last of her pilfered mouthfuls in before handing the fork back. "So, tell me honestly, because the world needs to know. Is Adrien actually Prince Charming, or is it all a front?"

He snorted, immediately wanting to tell her about the bad jokes Adrien let slip when he was tired, or how childishly proud he was every time he won a video game, or the fact 'Prince Charming' actually had a spine made of wet spaghetti with pretty much anyone but Nino and very, very occasionally Chloe. But he was trying to make Alya like Adrien, so he went the other way, and confirmed that he really was as nice as he seemed, was actually smarter than he showed off, and worked even harder than it looked.

"Oh, come on," Alya said, once he was finished. "Boy's gotta have something wrong with him."

Oh, plenty. Starting with the spaghetti spine and ending with the confidence made of blown glass. But for Alya, Nino just shrugged and said, "Guy's useless with girls. I know he likes 'em, but I'm pretty sure a girl would literally have to go up to him and say 'I want to be your girlfriend' before he'd even think of them like that."

"That… explains a lot, actually," Alya said blankly.

"Yeah, so…" He raised his eyebrows meaningfully. "Just sayin', if a girl around here was interested, they should maybe be a little more direct, if you know what I mean."

She snorted. "Yeah, like that's gonna happen."

He grinned as he poked at his stolen pasta. "Juuuust sayin'."

Adrien disappeared during lunch the next day, and Marinette went home, so Alya and Nino were left on their own. He spent the whole time trying to get information about Marinette, while she quizzed him on Adrien's hobbies.

It felt like a fair trade, even when their friends finally showed up (they found Adrien crouched on the floor of the classroom, looking startled and breathless, while Marinette sprinted in thirty seconds before Miss Mendeliev) (the look Nino and Alya exchanged agreed their respective crushes were weird). Alya spent the whole of class whispering to Marinette, while Nino just grinned at Adrien when he could. He got a lot of confused looks in return.

"What is up with you?" Adrien asked as they packed up. "You look like a cat with cream."

"Nothing, bro," he said, lifting his hands. "But one day, you are seriously going to thank me."

Adrien paused, then straightened up from his bag to look at him directly. He had another weird look on his face, but this one was different – like he was seeing something Nino couldn't guess. At least half the class was still around, packing up and chatting, but Adrien still turned and put both hands on Nino's shoulders with a gentle smile.

"Thank you," he said, very seriously.

Nino blinked. "Uh… dude, you don't even know what I'm talking about. Do you?"

"Not a clue," he admitted, and let his hands drop. "I still needed to say that. You're a great friend, Nino."

He stared blankly, but Adrien didn't say anything more, just finished packing up his bag and left the classroom without waiting for him. By the time Nino got down to the front of the school, Adrien's car was there, but the boy himself was gone.

"I mean, that's weird, right?"

According to the plan, when Alya grabbed him after school, demanding Nino hang out with her since Marinette had bailed on her, he should have started talking Adrien up. Instead, they were sitting in the park with ice cream as he tried to figure out what the hell had been up with his buddy saying something like that.

"I dunno, maybe there's something in the air," Alya said, frowning at the space in front of her. "Like an akuma or something. Marinette was pretty spacey too – she didn't even care when I was telling her all the stuff about… uh… anyway, it's like she wasn't even listening."

"Yeah, maybe. It's just like, Adrien's… I know his dad messed him up and stuff, but sometimes he really freaks me out, you know?" He looked at his ice cream, wishing it would give him the answers. "Not like I'm scared of him or anything – honestly, he's legit the last person I think would even get akumatised—"

Alya stared at him. "What? Why?"

"I don't think he's got it in him to get that… I dunno, you gotta like… you gotta want revenge, right? You gotta be angry. I don't know if Adrien's got it in him," he said. "And that's what freaks me out. So much of his life sucks and he should hate it, but he doesn't. Every sucky thing that happens is just a sucky thing that happens, and he just takes it. And then he says stuff like that. Stuff normal people just don't say. Like he's gotta say it in case it's all gone tomorrow, and then I think maybe it's because he thinks it will be, and…" He sighed out a harsh breath, glaring at the ice cream. "Seriously, you don't know this 'cause you weren't here, but before he came along, I didn't exactly have a lot of friends. And he's like, the best friend a guy could have. Sure he disappears a lot, and he's like, crazy busy, but he's my boy. He actually gives a damn. I just… I wish things didn't suck for him so much."

He continued scowling at his ice cream for a second, then looked up, ready to change the subject, only to find Alya watching him with a tiny smile on her face. It made her look… not softer – Alya didn't do 'soft'. But he found himself caught by it anyway, distracted by the look in her eyes. She actually had really nice eyes. The shape of them. Big and round and piercing, like she could see through the whole world.

He found himself smiling back, and those eyes immediately narrowed playfully. "What?"

"You what," he replied. "What's with the look?"

"Nothing," she said. "I just didn't realise you were such a good guy."

He blinked, then laughed and went back to his ice cream. It was starting to melt. "I got my good qualities too, y'know."

"Yeah… yeah, you do," she said, but when he glanced at her again she'd started in on her own ice cream, so he left it there.

He heard about the akuma attack when his mother got home that night. Apparently Ladybug and Cat Noir were having trouble pinning this one down, because it hadn't done anything that big or flashy. Apparently it was more about turning people invisible – not itself, just other people and things. There had been a fight in the middle of the day, one in the middle of the afternoon, and there was another one going on now, on top of Notre Dame.

He texted Adrien to ask if he'd heard anything, and wasn't that surprised when he didn't hear back. He had a feeling Adrien had some kind of class this evening, and he would've been busy with homework by now, perfect little student that he was.

So he texted Alya instead. She called him back and very loudly complained that she wasn't allowed to go out and get more information, and was having to rely on news reports to fill the blog, and by the way, how dare an akuma strike when she had school! Some people had no consideration for the high school aged bloggers of this world!

He listened to it all with a tiny grin, amused for all the wrong reasons, and decided he couldn't wait until Adrien was dating this girl, if it meant he got to hear rants like this more often.

Adrien came to school tired again the next day, but he did a better job of hiding it since he didn't have to spend hours smiling for a camera Nino was pretty sure he subconsciously hated. All that energy went into looking awake and charming as usual, and he seemed to be in a good mood besides.

"I just had a good night, that's all," he said brightly when Nino questioned it. "I got to spend a lot more time with someone than I normally do, and we talked a little. It was fun."

He blinked. "Yeah? Who?"

"Now, now, a gentleman never kisses and tells," he said with a wink, and Nino balked, then shoved forward into Adrien's personal space.

"Kissing? Dude, you mean you hooked up with that girl you were telling me about? I thought it was nothing!"

Adrien just laughed, leaning away from him. "If your imagination's gonna run away with you, can it take me with it? I never said I hooked up with anyone."

"You said 'kisses'."

He raised his eyebrow, amused. "Nino, half this city kisses the other half on the cheek to say 'hi'."

"Damn it, Adrien, that is not cool to mess with your bro like that!"

He just kept snickering, because sometimes, when he was in a very good mood, Adrien was a freaking troll. Nino huffed and pulled back, eyes flicking up and over Adrien's shoulder to where Alya and Marinette were coming back from spending lunch at Marinette's.

"But it was with that girl?" he asked. "Your 'lady'?"

Adrien just smiled, and as much as Nino wanted to frown back (this totally screwed with his Alya plans), he couldn't. Adrien just looked so… happy about it. There was a softness in his eyes that wasn't usually there. And while he was still crazy tired, it looked more like Nino felt after an all-nighter spent on a great mix. The best kind of tired.

So he instead slung an arm around his buddy's shoulders, turned his back on the girls, and started guiding him toward the classroom. "So, dude, tell me about this chick. Is she hot? What am I asking for, if you know her and she's not from school, she's gotta be a model or something, right? Please tell me she does lingerie."

"Not that I'm telling you who she is," Adrien began cheerfully, before turning his head to look at him directly, "but bro or not, if you start creeping on my lady, I will deck you."

Nino grinned all the wider. "Oh, that's gotta be a yes. Score, man. Okay, I'm picturing… you don't strike me as a double-ds man. I'm thinking B-cup? C? Somewhere around there, and… you don't like blondes, right? Red head? Dyed? Lolita! You are so a lolita whore. It's the lace, right? Oh, the gothic ones! With the hardcore purple makeup. Akumas turn you on, don't they?"

Adrien rolled his eyes, but he was smirking at the same time. "Well there was that one that looked like Cat Noir…"

Nino snorted. "Of course you're hell bent for leather. Or a furry. Gonna go with the leather fetish first 'cause dude ain't touching tails," he said, and was thrilled to see Adrien grin back. He couldn't believe he'd somehow roped perfect prince charming into banter.

"So vanilla," he said, mock disappointed. "You should broaden your horizons, Nino."

"My horizons are legit broad enough. I see your kink and raise you mine: Jessica Rabbit."

"Who?"

"What? Oh, man, your education has been like, deprived!" he said, rolling his eyes. "Come on, I have got to show you a video before class."

Adrien had no appreciation for the classics, or their animated bombshells. But Nino could handle that because Adrien's good mood lasted the rest of the afternoon, and they spent the time after school trading childhood crushes (turned out Adrien had been hot for pretty much every one of the Sailor Scouts at some point. Nino had preferred Misty from Pokemon, with some April O'Neil on the side) and lame jokes over text messages.

Sure, most of his good mood seemed to be because of this mysterious lady of his, but Nino liked to think he'd had something to do with keeping it there. Man, but he loved having a guy friend. He loved being a friend.

The only thing that could make this school year better, he decided the next day, staring across the courtyard to where Marinette and Alya were reading a magazine together, would be a girlfriend.

"FYI," Adrien said, apparently popping up over his shoulder just to smirk at him, "Marinette's never gonna fall in love with a statue."

Nino panicked and yanked him out of sight, but Adrien was apparently set on calling him out today. This had to be dealt with.

Yeah… in hindsight? Probably should have expected it to work out the way it did.

"Look, Nino," Alya said, holding up her hands and pacing away from him. There wasn't that far for her to go. It was a cage. They were kinda locked up. "I should probably tell you something. I… was listening to your conversation with Marinette. The whole time. I heard everything."

Yeah, with his luck, he totally should have seen this coming. "Oh… everything?"

"Everything," she confirmed, glancing back at him. "Including the thing about… you… being in love with me."

"Oh… right… yeah," he said. "So um, I should ah… I should tell you something too."

"Look, Nino, I know we've been talking a lot more lately, and I'm really sorry if I gave you the wrong impression or anything, but I so did not mean for anything to happen between us," she said, and for some reason, it kind of hurt. He shifted in place, hands curling into fists and out again, but didn't say anything as she continued. "I mean… it's nothing about you, or anything, you're… kinda really awesome, surprisingly—"

"Whaddaya mean 'surprisingly'?" he demanded. He refused to admit he was pouting.

"—but I seriously don't have time for a boyfriend right now," she continued. "I have school, and the Ladyblog, and this whole class rep deputy thing… I have way too much going on."

He would be totally lying if he said he didn't copy one of Adrien's poses as he leaned his weight back on his hips and pointed at her. Copying Adrien usually made him feel cooler. "Okay girl, so, you aren't the only one with stuff to do, y'know. You might be busy chasing down superheroes like a crazy person—"

"Crazy person? Ex-cuse me?"

"—but I'm working on a music career. You know, an actual job."

Her eyes widened and her hands went to her hips. Another time and situation, the sass would have looked sexy as hell, but he was ticked off. "I'm sorry, are you trying to tell me your retro-tastic records are somehow more important than telling the whole world about Ladybug? You know, the girl who literally saves Paris like, three times a week?"

"I dunno, but have you ever thought maybe Ladybug doesn't want you chasing her around Paris? Maybe she likes her privacy," he said. It wasn't true, he knew – Ladybug had given Alya an exclusive interview and actively told her she 'loved her work'. But…

"Hey, Ladybug loves my blog," she snapped back.

"What-ever, that's not even the point," he said. "What were you even doing, listening in on our conversation, huh? If you wanted to be around so much you could've just shown up. Adrien invited both of you."

"That is none of your business," she said, and he stared.

"Excuse me? You snoop on a private conversation I'm having and it's not my business?"

"Well, whatever, it was totally my business in the end anyway!"

"Yeah, well, news flash for your ladyblog, Alya: that was a lie."

She flinched, and after a second so did he. He hesitated, not really sure why the hurt on her face bothered him so much, then quickly continued. "Look girl, I'm crushing on Marinette. I just… I freaked out, you know? She was there and so perfect and Adrien was trying to get me to say all this stuff and –"

"I'm sorry, what?" she asked, staring all the more. "Adrien was what? He wasn't even there."

He rolled his eyes. "So… yeah, he kind've… might've been… y'know… listening to the conversation through an earpiece and feeding me lines," he muttered, and Alya blinked rapidly.

"Wh- why… why would he…?"

He shrugged, turning away a little. "Dude wanted me to move way too fast. Who tells a girl they're in love with them so soon, I mean… geez. And so I was like… the words just… came out."

Alya paused, then turned away as well, red flushing her cheeks. "So… you don't like me? You like Marinette." She ran a hand through her hair, and then rolled her eyes. "I mean of course you do, everyone does. She's pretty, right?"

He rubbed his arm, peeking at her sideways. "It's not just that, I mean… you're pretty too. Well, hot is more the word, but y'know. Scale of attractiveness has you way hi- wow, okay, I'm like, totally gonna stop talking now."

She peeked back at him, eyebrows rising, and he quickly turned away properly, walking over to the door. He heard her walking away too, further toward the other side of the cage.

"So you know Marinette's crazy head over heels for Adrien, right?"

He flinched and spun around, but Alya wasn't looking at him. She was staring out over the deserted park like it held the mysteries of the universe.

"She's totally been in love with him since like, the first week of classes. Why do you think she freaks out around him so much?"

Oh. Wow. Okay, that made a lot of sense.

Damn.

He rubbed the back of his neck, processing that. He wasn't… that surprised. A little disappointed, maybe, but less than he expected to be. It also explained why Alya was so keen to talk to Adrien about Marinette, but would only talk to Nino about other stuff, or Adrien himself – she was being Marinette's wingman.

Seriously, ouch. But okay. He was… okay, yeah, he could deal with this.

"Sorry," Alya added quietly, and he shrugged.

"I guess it makes sense," he said, and sat down against the door. "I mean, he is teen cover model weekly and like, the nicest guy in school while still being as smart as Max. Dude's perfect. Why wouldn't every girl be head over heels?"

"Please. If that boy's perfect than so am I," Alya drawled, and he blinked.

"Huh?"

"Come on. I know he's your best friend and all, but nobody is that great," she said, glancing back at him. "I'm like, half convinced he's a sociopath or something, playing us all for fools."

"Hey, Adrien is not like that," he snapped.

"But he totally has something going on," she said. "Don't you ever feel like that? Like there's… I dunno, something he's not telling us? Something hidden behind the perfect exterior or something?"

He didn't feel like it, he knew it. It wasn't just the bad jokes no one else heard, or the twisted sense of humour, or the near constant low-level flirt he had going on when he wasn't thinking too hard about what he was saying, or the way he curled in on himself sometimes, small and sad and lonely. Even underneath all of that, Adrien was all kinds of messed up. It had taken Nino the better part of six months to realise just how bad it was, and he saw sides of Adrien no one else did. So he was kind of surprised Alya had picked up on it.

But then she was like, super smart when it came to investigating stuff. Maybe he shouldn't have been surprised.

"So… if that's what you're thinking… I'm guessing you don't have a thing for him?" he asked. "Because I was kinda workin' on the theory you did."

"Me?" she asked, turning around properly. "Crush on Adrien? No. First of all, I like eye-candy as much as the next girl, but I am not stepping on Marinette's toes like that. Secondly, I don't have time for a normal boyfriend, let alone that bag of problems."

"Hey, that's my boy you're dissing," he snapped, and her lips curved in a soft smile.

"I call it like I see it," she said, but it wasn't nearly as harsh as it should have sounded. She came back over and sank down beside him. "Besides, I don't know why you'd want to date Marinette. She's crazy as a bag full of cats too."

"No kidding if you're serious about her likin' Adrien. Girl screams when he talks to her," he said, and Alya shook her head.

"Girl has his schedule literally mapped. Crazy does not cover it sometimes."

Wow. He was kinda finding himself lucky to have missed out on that one now. "Oh…kay…"

"And you can not tell anyone about the whole thing," she said suddenly, turning to stare at her. "Especially not Marinette. I promised I wouldn't tell a soul."

He snorted. That was a can of worms he was not interested in touching. "We have lousy taste in friends."

"So lousy," she agreed. "But hey, crazy aside, Marinette's actually like, an awesome friend. And super sweet, like… I mean, she's crazy, yeah, but I wouldn't give her up for the world, you know?"

"Yeah, I know," he said, thinking of stupid text message conversations, the encouragement to chase girls and the willingness to call him out about them, and phone calls ensuring he hadn't gotten caught up in an attack, compared to years before when no one but his mother would've cared either way. "Same deal."

They just smiled at each other for a long minute. He found himself thinking of silly rants, traded lunches, and soft grins. He thought of how passionate she was. How she'd do anything for her blog, and probably more for her friends.

He looked at his knees. "So uh… when we get out of here, you wanna go get something to eat?"

Her shoulders hunched, and he felt her scoot a little closer. "Like before? Ice cream or something?"

"Yeah. D'you like cookies? I got a thing for chocolate chip," he said, glancing at her, and she smiled broadly.

"Me too. What's your favourite cake?"

"Oh, dude, you're making me choose?"

Adrien sounded even more drained than usual, and kind of panicked, like he wasn't dealing with this attack as well as the others. "What happened? I couldn't find you after those animals got loose, what happened? Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he said, winking at Alya. "Ladybug kinda stuck us in this cage –"

"Ladybug did what?" He made a noise, somewhere between a laugh and a sob, and asked, "And who's us?"

"Me and Alya. We didn't have anything else to do, so we hung out and talked."

"You and… oh, for…" Adrien just made a few more weird noises before apparently recovering a little. "I hope you told her what you did this afternoon. You know Marinette's going to tell her and then you're gonna have to actually go on that date."

"Uh, yeah, so… turns out…" He stretched his fingers, and then curled them tighter around Alya's hand. She squeezed back and he grinned. "That's not such a bad thing."

Adrien's voice went very flat. "Pardon?"

"Well, you know, Alya's actually pretty cool. We've got loads in common," He couldn't keep the silly grin off his face as he added, "And she's a great kisser."

"Nino!" she objected, hitting his thigh with their entwined hands, but he couldn't help it. It had been his first kiss. He was feeling kind of high right now.

Adrien, however, sounded like he was choking. "You… kissed… Alya?"

"Yyyyup."

"Wh-what about Marinette?" he asked weakly. "You were totally in love with her like, two hours ago."

"Yeah, but Alya's awesome," he said, grinning at her. "She's wicked funny, and totally smart. You know, we should hang out sometime, the four of us. Double-date."

"Nino!" she said again. He didn't care – like he'd told Alya, it would almost definitely take Marinette lying back on his table and saying 'take me I'm yours' before Adrien would get a clue. Adrien was worse than he was, and Nino had somehow confused falling for Alya for falling for her best friend.

Adrien had gone very quiet. "Let me get this straight, Nino. Two hours ago, you were so in love with Marinette that you couldn't talk to her, and now you've not only hooked up with her best friend, but you're trying to hook me up with that same girl you thought you were in love with?"

Even for Adrien, this was some hardcore stress he was hearing. He wondered if something had happened during the akuma attack. Maybe he just took romance way more seriously than Nino had thought. He did seem like that kind of guy, come to think of it. What with the whole 'my lady' thing. So he fell back to an old standby.

"Dude… are you actually upset right now? Like, is that emotion you're feeling?"

He didn't immediately respond, and when he did, it sounded like he was talking to himself. "I can't… this just… okay. Okay, fine. Good. Congratulations. Welcome to the jungle, Nino; it's been a wild day. I have to hang up now."

"You are! You're almost angry!" he cheered. "I am so proud of you, bro! This is like, progress toward you becoming an actual human being!"

There was a pause, and then the call disconnected. Nino grinned and stuffed his phone away, looking down at Alya. He'd ticked off his best friend in the best way possible, gotten himself his first kiss and what he suspected might be a kind-of girlfriend, and he was currently on his way to get chocolate-chip cookies for that same sort-of girlfriend.

Life was looking pretty good right now.

Plagg listens to Adrien have a very quiet teenage freakout. Adrien's more prone to moping than freaking out, so it's amusing, and he can't blame the kid this time.

Seeing the love of your life try to get herself eaten is hard enough for a normal person. Adrien's inability to deal with both anger and relief at the same time and have to resort to puns would normally have resulted in lots of teenage angst, too.

Instead, Nino proved to have fantastic timing and revealed himself to be an idiot, making everything Adrien had done before the akuma broke out pointless. All that emotional effort, sneaking around, coaching him through talking to Marinette, all of it for nothing.

After the Ladybug thing, it was the last straw.

Hence the freakout.

Instead of angst and whining and pining.

Plagg decides he really likes that kid. He's making the story that much more enjoyable this time around.