Author's Note: This story has heavy themes involving mental illness and self-harm. If this could be triggering in any way, please don't take any chances. Also, the main relationship will not be a heterosexual one; if this offends you in any way, again, please avoid this story.

127 was Scorpius Malfoy's favorite number, as of September first. Come September second it would probably be more along the lines of one hundred and thirty or so, but as he sat in his compartment on the Hogwarts Express, it was 127. He had a reason, he wasn't crazy enough not to. Scorpius Malfoy had 127 scars on his body. Twenty-seven of them were from silly things like falling as a child, and the others were of his own creation. He remembered the first one he'd made, a thin line on his right thigh. He counted the scars every night before he went to bed. He could control them, and Scorpius loved the ability to control things.

See, that was why his favorite number wasn't 4,023. 4,023 were the scars in his mind, and he couldn't keep people or himself from creating those. Besides, he had trouble keeping track of every insult thrown his way that wedged its way into his mind.

So it was 127; that was the best number, and- "For crying out loud, Scorpius, open your ears and listen to me!"

He was jolted out of his thoughts by the shrill sound of Arabella Zabini's voice. Scorpius sat up straighter, staring at his friend with uncertain eyes. "I was listening," he stated, irritation in his voice.

"Oh really? So what was I saying?"

"Something about your intense love for James Potter?"

Arabella narrowed her eyes. "Don't be stupid. I'm over that. I was actually trying to inform you that you'll be late for your precious prefects meeting if you don't-"

Scorpius was out of the compartment before she could finish her sentence. Since he'd become a prefect in his fifth year, people had stopped teasing him so much. The limited amount of power he'd gained made people afraid, and they'd left him alone so he wouldn't put them in detention or take away house points. In all honestly he'd only given out three detentions, and yet he had somehow managed to earn a reputation for being a detention-happy, power-hungry Slytherin. He played to the stereotypes though, which didn't help matters. Scorpius arrived at the compartment to see almost every other prefect standing there. Rose Weasley, the Head Girl, glared at him as he entered. Scorpius returned the look, his eyes much colder than hers. He may not be as smart as her, but at least he could win at glaring.

He guessed he would have continued to look fairly intimidating, had Albus Potter not barreled into the room behind him and knocked him flat on his face. Albus Potter landed on top of him and Scorpius let out a pained groan, which made his pale cheeks warm immediately. "Get off me Potter!"

"It was an accident-"

"Then why are you still on me?"

This time it was Albus who went red, and he scrambled off Scorpius. "If you could understand the concept of an accident, Malfoy, maybe someone would actually like you," he said coldly.

For a moment Scorpius went deaf, and he stared at the Gryffindor boy in horror. Was it true? Did nobody actually like him? He thought Arabella liked him well enough, but- "Get off the floor, Malfoy, you're distracting everyone," Rose said, her glare still perfectly in place but a small smirk on her lips. He followed her instructions immediately and stood at the back of the compartment. "Since that is over, I'd like to welcome you all to the first meeting of the year! We'll have several of these, periodically of course, but we always start with-"

Scorpius tuned her out, having heard a similar speech twice before. His obsessive mind went back to the words of Albus Potter, and he spent much of the meeting thinking about the people he called friends. There was Arabella Zabini, the only person in the world he'd ever even considered telling about his scars. He hadn't, but she still seemed to really care about him and she willingly spent time with him. The previous year he'd grown close to Mary Finnigan, but they'd been dating. After, they'd never spoken again. There were a few people in other houses he found interesting, but they hardly ever spoke. So really it all came down to Arabella, who had better friends she'd want to spend time with. Didn't she? Didn't-He felt like he was going to be sick, all of the sudden.

He felt like his control was slipping away and that feeling always made Scorpius want to throw up. And instead of doing that instead of every prefect in the school, Scorpius chose to push his way out of the compartment, ignoring the shouts of Rose Weasley, and make his way to the nearby bathroom in about twenty seconds. He shoved a second year out of the way as he went into the stall, and put his head on the cool metal of the door. "Calm down," he whispered. "Calm down, you're alright, it's-" He promptly turned and threw up in the toilet behind him. There was hardly anything in his stomach though, so he ended up just retching.

The door to the bathroom was slammed open, and Scorpius heard the bossy voice of Rose Weasley complaining about him running off. She made one last comment about his selfish, attention-seeking behavior before saying, "Scorpius Malfoy I know you're in here, and I know you can hear me, so get out here right now!"

"Shove off, Weasley," Scorpius said, his voice shakily attempting to sound menacing. It wasn't working well, but there was always hope that the girl would take pity on the sad sound of his voice and leave him alone.

But Rose Weasley sometimes lacked compassion, so instead she said, "I don't have time for this, Malfoy, just get out here and face the consequences of your actions!"

Scorpius wiped his mouth, his fingers itching to grab the small blade in his trousers so he could gain control again. Instead he stood and exited the stall, going to the sink and washing his hands. "By actions, do you mean to say my ability to move freely?"

"You ran and disrupted my meeting," she said angrily. It was only then that Scorpius noticed Albus Potter standing beside his cousin, a curious look on his face. "You-"

"Right; realized I needed the bathroom. I don't feel too bad, honestly; your speech was incredibly boring," He felt like throwing up once again, and once again his hand reached for his blade.

"That was uncalled for," Albus said angrily.

"So is half of what you say, Potter,"

"I-"

"I expect an apology, Malfoy," Rose said. "Now,"

"I don't think you'll get one, Weasley, ever,"

The air was heavy with tension before Rose sniffed, sticking her nose high into the air and glaring at Scorpius again. "I hope you enjoy having every night patrol, Malfoy," she said before leaving the bathroom with her hair swinging behind her.

Scorpius let out a breath of relief and grabbed the edge of the sink, his knuckles turning white as he closed his eyes and tried to stop himself from retching again. It was such an unpleasant thing, and he didn't want to do it twice in one day. He was tired, now; had he been this tired before? He could have sworn he'd gotten nearly ten hours of sleep the previous night, how could he possibly be tired again? "You don't have to be so rude, you know," The blond nearly jumped out of his skin; how had he once again forgotten that Albus Potter was there?

"I wasn't rude," he protested weakly, failing to narrow his eyes at the other boy. Usually he could, but he was convinced that if he closed them even slightly he'd fall asleep. The thought infuriated him; he was losing control. "If anyone was, it was her. But you can't see past her precious last name, can you? And what's mine, huh? It's filth to you, Potter, so you assume all I do is wrong. And to think," he said slowly, hoping his words would hurt the other boy, "that I once thought you were a decent human being,"

He looked like he wanted to respond, but Albus Potter just stared at him, surprise in his eyes, before he backed out of the bathroom and shut the door quietly. Another breath of relief came from the Slytherin boy as he locked the door, pulling a blade out of his pocket and disappearing back into the stall. Scorpius unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt to reveal his shoulder, and he quickly positioned the cool metal over his pale skin. A near-silent voice in the back of his mind told him that this was wrong, that he should put it down and seek help, damnit, but Scorpius ignored it as per usual. As blood dripped down his arm he started to feel better, and like his control had been returned to him. This was his, no one could take it away from him, and no one could taint it. And for one fleeting moment, he felt happy.

Scorpius Malfoy's favorite number, as of three in the afternoon on September first, was 128.

In life, there were two choices: the wrong, and the right. Or at least that's what Albus had always been taught. You can go after the bad guy, or not. You can save the world, or not. You can lie, or tell the truth. The world was one of black and white. But then, Albus realized, black and white mix to make grey. Sometimes, the most beautiful grey he'd ever seen, and that thought brought him to Scorpius Malfoy's eyes. They were quite possibly the most amazing sight he'd seen in his short life, and the swirling mix of emotion and color fascinated him more than anything else in the world.

He'd spent the entirety of their meeting trying to get a glance of the blond's wonderful eyes, but he couldn't see them properly. He recognized the nervousness and confusion in them, but Scorpius seemed to be looking away from Albus as best he could.

There wasn't some weird reason as to why he liked the other boy's eyes. He just thought they were interesting.

How no one else had noticed the one part of Scorpius Malfoy that never failed to explain his emotions was beyond Albus. He remembered the betrayal and hurt that had shown there in their first year, upon Albus informing the other boy that they could never be friends. They'd been friendly on the train, but then Albus had started hearing stories and people had told him that Scorpius was bound to be evil, and Albus hadn't wanted any part in that.

He remembered the surprise and pride in them once he found out he'd gotten more O.W.L.S. than Rose, because he'd spent half the year studying for the upcoming tests. He remembered the anger, as people insulted him and his family. But as of late, all Albus could seem to remember was the empty, swirling grey color. The emotion had gone, just completely vanished, until he'd cornered the Slytherin in the bathroom with Rose. At that time, they'd been full of panic and fear. But fear of what, exactly? Albus didn't know, nor did he expect he would ever know.

"Honestly that boy just gets under my skin-How they ever made him a prefect-He's such a disgrace to the sanctity of those in our positions!" Rose hadn't stopped complaining for about an hour. Albus didn't mind, they were the best of friends and she always listened to him vent, but when she really got going her words got quite harsh. He was reminded of his aunt Hermione whenever Rose got angry; both were terrifying to see.

"You've mentioned, Rose," Hugo said in a bored voice, looking up from his notebook to observe his sister with narrowed eyes. Hugo had turned out to be quite the artist, which his parents thought was hilarious as neither of them could draw to save their lives. Hugo had been sorted into Hufflepuff, to everyone's surprise, as he'd been expected to go into Ravenclaw. He'd always been a bright kid. "About a hundred times now. Today,"

Lily, who had also chosen to sit with Albus and Rose, chuckled softly and then narrowly avoided being hit with a book Rose had chucked towards the compartment door. "Come on, Rose, if you obsess over him you're going to ruin your day even more. Isn't that right, Albus?"

"Sure," he said, turning his attention to the countryside they were rolling past. Lily's words were completely true, unless you thought of Scorpius Malfoy the way he did. Those stupid eyes could make anyone's day. Albus had been told his own, bright green eyes were pretty, though he'd never taken that as much of a compliment. However they did link him to his father, which Albus thought was a good thing.

He'd always been the closest to his father out of his three siblings. James, a decent quidditch player, had always trailed after their mother as if she were a saint. Lily was fairly similar, though her talent resided more in writing and she found a connection to their mother there, as their mother wrote for the Daily Prophet. Albus thought she was great too, but his father just seemed to get him in a way his mother never had. He was thankful for such a successful relationship; his father would always be there when he needed him.

"That's a fairly mild answer, Albus," Lily said teasingly. "Usually you have something more to add, or has he not irritated you enough today to let that fantastic temper of yours show?"

"Oh shove off, Lily," Albus muttered. So he had a temper; everyone did. His just seemed to get him in trouble more often than not. It had probably done that today, most likely with Scorpius, but Albus hoped the other boy would have forgotten the words by now. Besides, it's not like Scorpius Malfoy would care about what he said. They'd been friendly for a few hours on the train in first year, because Albus and Rose hadn't had anywhere to sit. They'd quickly started avoiding each other after rumors came out about each of them.

There was no plausible reason for Scorpius Malfoy to care about what Albus said. The other boy's parents cherished him so much he probably got a hundred letters a day telling him how great he was. Scorpius wouldn't listen to one little comment Albus had spit out in a fit of anger. "You're just like Dad. Your tempers are awful. Don't you remember that one time James tried to play an innocent prank on you?"

"Are you referring to the time he tried to poison my drink to see how long it would take Dad to notice?" Albus asked, rolling his eyes. Lily and James had thought that particular idea had been fantastic, but their parents and Albus himself hadn't agreed.

"That's the best one, isn't it? Dad was so mad; he shouted for a half an hour after you stopped choking. Reminded me of that time the Hufflepuff boy said that thing to Rose…" Lily trailed off, smiling fondly at the memories and smiling at them all happily. "Good times, right? And to think it's all almost over. You two will be leaving Hogwarts after this year, and I'll be stuck with him,"

"As if I want to be stuck with you, Lils," Hugo muttered, smiling at his cousin. Just as Albus and Rose were close, Lily and Hugo were close as well. It had pleased everyone's parents, and sparked a lot of competition between the cousins. They always tried to best each other, but it was always in good spirits.

"Think about how I feel," Albus said, smirking at Rose who was rolling her eyes. "Agreeing to live with this one after Hogwarts could possibly be the biggest mistake of my life,"

"You agreed before you saw the state of my bedroom. That's not my fault," Rose stated defensively. Albus had always preferred things to be in order, and he wholeheartedly agreed with the philosophy that everything had its place. Rose, on the other hand, lived in a world of chaos that Albus had never realized. They'd pledged to live together after Hogwarts when they were seven, and they'd never truly regretted that decision.

The friendly conversation in their compartment continued for the few more hours they were stuck on the train. Albus had never really liked the train rides, because they took far too long in his opinion. He would much rather have his father apparate him to Hogsmeade, but that apparently wasn't an option. He liked the carriage rides though, and while he knew there were creatures pulling them Albus couldn't actually see them. He tried to smile at the creatures as he approached an empty carriage.

Or at least it had seemed empty when he'd walked up to it. As Albus climbed on he was greeted with the sight of Scorpius Malfoy, laying across the bench so he wouldn't be seen from the ground.. As soon as Albus made a surprised noise, the other boy's eyes snapped open. "You-"

"You've got to be kidding me," Scorpius muttered, standing and frowning. Albus' family poked their heads out from behind him, and Albus knew they all scowled instinctively. Albus knew he should scowl too, but he couldn't get the memory of Scorpius' fearful eyes out of his head.

"Go on, Albus, climb up. It's the last carriage anyway. We might have to sit with him, but we don't have to talk to him," Lily reasoned, pushing Albus forward.

"Right, yeah, come on then," Albus said, reaching down a hand to help Rose into the carriage. For a moment the five teenagers just stared at each other, but then Scorpius shook his head.

"This is ridiculous," he muttered, quickly hopping off and turning to walk in the direction of the school.

"Malfoy what are you doing?" Albus called impulsively, frowning at the other boy. "Get back on, this is the last one-"

"I'd rather walk than spend the ride with you lot," he said, shoving his hands into the pockets of his trousers and continuing forward.

"Malfoy-"

"Potter I suggest you sit down and return to your family before they get frustrated with you,"

"But you were here first; we should walk, not you," Albus offered, prepared to face his family's irritation. Scorpius had just looked so sad, and Albus felt like it was his fault.

"Don't be stupid. There are more of you. Just sit down, shut up, and leave me alone!"

Before Albus could respond, the carriage started rolling and soon they'd passed the pale blond boy. "What were you thinking, Albus? Don't try to lure him back! If he's showing a moment of good character, you just go with it!" Rose said, rolling her eyes.

"But he'll be late-"

"Who cares? Arabella Zabini will save him some food. It's not the first time he's been late to a meal and it surely won't be the last," Lily said, shrugging.

"Spend a lot of time watching him, do you Lily?" Hugo asked, smirking.

"Oh shut up," Lily said, shoving Hugo's shoulder as the boy laughed. "Don't you all remember? Last year Arabella Zabini came around demanding to know if anyone had seen him? She seemed awful worried, and when he showed up halfway through dinner she was furious,"

"You remember the oddest of things," Rose commented, looking at Lily with confusion.

"I remember things about handsome boys," she shrugged. Albus, Rose, and Hugo all made disgusted faces, and Albus made a noise that sounded like he'd been wounded. "What? You can't deny that he's handsome, any of you. Come on, Albus, you spent that entire exchange staring at him! And Rose, you've told me before that-"

"Okay!" Rose said loudly, her face and ears quickly turning red. "Okay, that's enough. Can we talk about something else, please?"

There was a moment of hesitation before Hugo and Lily started laughing at the mortification on Rose's face. Soon enough Albus and Rose were joining them, all forgetting about the pale boy walking all alone behind them.