The High-Functioning Sociopath Who Walked by Himself

Story Notes: This tale is loosely based on one of Rudyard Kipling's Just So Stories: The Cat That Walked by Himself.

Hear this tale, O my Best Beloved, of when the High-Functioning Sociopath was Wild — as wild as wild could be — and he walked through Wet Wild London by his wild lone. Many men were wild and lonely, of course, but the wildest and loneliest of all was Sherlock Holmes. He walked by himself, and all men were alike to him, which is to say all men were idiots.

One day his brother, Mycroft, said to him, "I foresee that three people will approach you and try to make you Tame. Remember that caring is not an advantage, Sherlock."

To which Sherlock replied, "O my Enemy, my Archenemy, we may be brothers, but you are still an insufferable idiot. Of course I know that caring is not an advantage. I shall never be Tame. I am a high-functioning sociopath who walks by himself, and all men are alike to me."

And he went away through Wet Wild London, wrapped in his wild Belstaff, and walking by his wild lone.

The first to approach him was Lestrade, who said, "Wild Thing out of Wild London, I need your help. Will you be my Consulting Detective?"

To which Sherlock replied, "O Graham or Greg or Gavin, we may work together on cases, but you are still an idiot. Yes, I will be a Consulting Detective — the only one in the world — but I shall never be Tame. I am a high-functioning sociopath who walks by himself, and all men are alike to me."

And he went away through Wet Wild London, wrapped in his wild Belstaff, and walking by his wild lone — though he did deign to appear at New Scotland Yard now and then to solve a case.

The second to approach him was Mrs. Hudson, who said, "Wild Thing out of Wild London, come in out of the rain. I have a flat to let, and I think it would suit you quite well."

To which Sherlock replied, "O Mrs. Hudson, I may live in the flat above you, and drink any tea you should care to provide, but I shall never be Tame. I am a high-functioning sociopath who walks by himself."

And he went away through Wet Wild London, wrapped in his wild Belstaff, and walking by his wild lone — though he did return to 221B Baker Street from time to time, and drank the tea Mrs. Hudson provided.

Then one day Mrs. Hudson told him, "Sherlock, dear, it breaks my heart to see you always so Wild and alone. By the leaves of your tea, I have made a Magic, to draw someone to you for always and always and always. Once he has given you three words of praise, you shall no longer be a high-functioning sociopath who walks by himself."

To which Sherlock replied, "You may make any Magic you choose, Mrs. Hudson, but still, I shall never be Tame."

Then along came John Watson. Of course, John was wild and lonely, too. He was dreadfully wild and lonely. But when he heard Sherlock speak, he said, "Brilliant!"

To which Sherlock replied, "That is one word of praise, and so you may be my flatmate for always and always and always, but I shall never be Tame. I am a high-functioning sociopath who walks by himself."

And he went away through Wet Wild London, wrapped in his wild Belstaff, and walking by his wild lone — though he did return to 221B Baker Street at regular intervals, and drank the tea that John now provided.

Then one day, John watched Sherlock solve a case, and he said, "Fantastic!"

To which Sherlock replied, "That is another word of praise, and so you may be my blogger for always and always and always, but I shall never be Tame. I am a high-functioning sociopath who walks by himself."

And he went away through Wet Wild London, wrapped in his wild Belstaff, and walking by his wild lone — though he did return to 221B Baker Street at regular intervals, and drank the tea that John provided, and read John's blog when no one was watching.

Then one evening, John sat by the fire with Sherlock, and he said, "Friend."

To which Sherlock replied, "Is that a third word of praise?"

"It is simply the truth."

"Then you may be my friend — and maybe more than friend — for always and always and always. But still — Mrs. Hudson's Magic be damned — I shall never be Tame."

"O my Wild Thing, my friend, and maybe more than friend, I should never want you to be Tame. All I ask is that we may be Wild together."

"For always and always and always?"

"Of course."

And so, to this day, Sherlock remains Wild. He still goes out into the wet wild streets or up onto the wet wild rooftops of Wet Wild London, wrapped in his wild Belstaff. But he is no longer walking by his wild lone.

John is with him, O Best Beloved, for always and always and always.

End Notes: If you write me a review, O Best Beloved Readers, I shall be grateful for always and always and always.