A/N: Sorry for the copious delays this time! Combo of IRL commitments and stress held this one up, but I'm hoping you enjoy it!

My beta hasn't seen this at all because she's been crazy busy, but thoughts from conversations we had together months back went into this, so credit to miladyRanger regardless. Please find warnings in the end notes!

Chapter 47

About a week out from his impromptu overseas trip, Eisuke's life had settled back into something like normality.

The Kudou's actor had moved all of his pots and pans around and used odd-smelling cleaning products in his house, but that was the extent of the actual disruption. His clothes were laundered and put away in approximately the correct locations, his homework for the day had been completed. He was able to pick up Smiley and Q from the veterinarian he'd had them boarding with.

Things weren't quite the same, though.

For one thing, there was James, the kid who'd helped him get his doves boarded in the first place. Eisuke had decided to try to get to know him a little better after that, and it turned out he was a pretty cool guy. Moreover, he didn't seem to mind Eisuke's occasionally clumsy English, or his more general clumsiness, and he apparently thought Eisuke's doves made him interesting.

To be fair, Eisuke kind of agreed with him there. Saguru had trained them far past what was necessary for pets. Eisuke was pretty sure if he lost his fast food job he could probably find a street corner and make a brisk business busking, at least until someone got worried about the welfare of the doves and called the ASPCA or PETA.

Fortunately, however, his job had not fired him for the one-week absence, despite his suddenness. Eisuke thought that either his manager had been feeling especially sympathetic, or just realized that she would have a hard time replacing him. He still burnt himself while running the fryers sometimes, but he was also the only person on any of his shifts who had no problem taking out the garbage or cleaning the bathroom.

Today, however, he didn't have work. So at the end of the school day, he ended up fumbling with his locker, rushing to get his bag packed and get to the bus on time.

"Eisuke!"

He startled and turned around, moving into a stance he half-remembered from Ran's short-lived attempt at giving him informal lessons in Teitan High's courtyard during the lunch period.

It was just James. Clearly, paranoia was contagious. Or maybe just a natural product of actually believing a Black Org assassin was after him and his friends directly for roughly a day. It was hard to tell.

"Hey, James, I gotta go or I'll be late for the bus!" Eisuke said.

"I was gonna offer you a ride," James said. "My car's back from the shop."

Eisuke hadn't actually known James had a car. "If you're offering, sure," he said, more out of curiosity than anything.

The car turned out to be a modest little sedan, pushing a decade old and in need of paint and body work. Still, it wasn't as if Eisuke could afford a vehicle of any kind, so he wasn't exactly in a position to judge.

After he'd gathered his books, he followed James out of the high school, listening to him ramble about a recent soccer game. James glanced over at him, sheepish, after they'd gotten into the car.

"Sorry for rambling about soccer for all that time, I know it's not your thing," James said.

Eisuke shook his head. "I'm not especially interested, but I don't dislike it. I've just never learned much about it. And I never played it much as a kid."

"Is it less popular in Japan?" James asked as he started the car.

Eisuke didn't quite manage to hold back a laugh. "Oh, no, it's really popular," he said. "Almost as big as baseball. I just never got into it."

"Huh," James said. "Baseball? Really?"

"You would not believe how big a deal the, erm, Koushien?" Eisuke searched for the words. "Uh, high school championships are. I have friends who went once. The tickets were expensive and the stadium was very full."

"Just for high school?" James asked, then whistled as he pulled out of the parking lot. "I really don't get it, but that must be pretty cool for the kids playing."

Eisuke made a noise of agreement.

"So, have you started the essay for next Friday?" James asked.

Eisuke groaned. The two of them shared a social studies class, and the workload was starting to get troublesome.

"You're already finished, then?" James asked drily.

"I have a lot of other homework," Eisuke said weakly.

"Don't we all," James agreed. "And the teachers don't seem to get that, either."

"I think they all think their homework is most important," Eisuke said.

"Yeah, except it's not," James said. "Like, at least some of the electives are interesting, and this year's AP English is better than last year's, but still…" he paused. "Sorry you're still stuck in the boring class."

"I'm stuck in the boring class because I wasn't ready for advanced work when I transferred in," Eisuke said. "Now, maybe, but then? I would have failed."

"I can't believe you think you might be ready for it now," James said. "We didn't talk much at the start of the year, but you never looked like you had any idea what was going on, and now you're almost completely on top of things. How smart are you, anyway?"

Eisuke laughed. "I'm not all that smart."

"Hey, don't sell yourself short!"

"I'm not," Eisuke said, shaking his head. "My friends back in Japan-they're geniuses. I am not. It's easy to tell the difference."

James looked doubtful, and seemed ready to defend his claims regarding Eisuke's intelligence. Eisuke was oddly touched. "Really? How do you tell, exactly?"

"I am smart enough that it's useful," Eisuke said. "They are smart enough that they make people scared and get into trouble."

"That's a weird distinction to make," James said.

"It's accurate and I stand by it," Eisuke said. "Don't make friends with geniuses. They will make you worry."

"Y'know, the stereotype of geniuses is that they stay inside all the time and work on, I dunno, something obscure," James said.

"Most of my friends are detectives," Eisuke said. "They don't stay inside. They go to crime scenes and act smarter than everyone there, which they probably are, but the police don't always appreciate it, and the murderers almost never do."

"So what I'm actually hearing here is not to be friends with geniuses who are also Sherlock Holmes wannabes," James said.

Eisuke thought of the pictures of Hakuba's Inverness that Kaito had shown them during the investigation, and snorted.

"What now?" James asked.

"Sherlock Holmes wannabes is...very accurate," Eisuke managed, barely swallowing his impulse to giggle.

"There is definitely a story there, and you should tell me it later," James said. "But I think this is your stop."

Eisuke glanced out of the window at his apartment building, then grinned at James. "Thanks for the ride."

"No problem," he said. "You have work this weekend?"

"I have work every weekend, but not all day," Eisuke replied.

"Well, let me know if you have free time between your shifts and all of the homework we'll probably have by then," James said. "Me and some of the guys from the soccer team are planning on seeing that one action movie that just came out."

"I won't know my schedule til tomorrow after school, but I'll let you know," Eisuke replied, getting out of the car.

"Cool!" James said. "See you then!"

Eisuke got out of the car, and walked up to his apartment. Kiyoshi's-Saguru's-old apartment already had a new occupant, a college student judging by his appearance, constant coffee intake, and tendency to keep odd hours. Eisuke still sometimes expected to see Kiyoshi leaning out of the door anyway.

Even so, his apartment didn't feel as lonely as it had months ago. Nothing substantive had really changed, but the emptiness of the place didn't feel like it was mocking him anymore. He had people now. Maybe a lot of them were far away, but they'd miss him if he stopped talking to them.

And with that, it was easier to see past his own isolation, and the grief he'd been trying not to acknowledge, and to be impressed with what his empty little apartment represented. He was making it alone, budgeting and working and managing his time, years ahead of many of his peers.

He was still clumsy and his occasional bits of absent-mindedness were embarrassing enough to make him think he'd spend the rest of his life being mistaken for a complete ditz, even when he wasn't trying to make people underestimate him. America would probably feel foreign to him for years to come, if it ever started feeling like home. But he was getting better at English, and keeping himself afloat financially. Things were better now, and there was no reason that they couldn't continue getting better.

But maybe after he finished his math homework.

He sat down at the kitchen table, book spread out in front of him, settling into the familiar pattern of numbers that never needed even a second's translation. He was just finishing up the assigned problems when he heard his phone buzz.

It took him a second to realize it was his burner phone, the one from Hakuba's case. As soon as he did, he scrambled to pick up the call, not even bothering to check who was calling. It was extremely early in the morning right now in Japan, long before anyone would be awake without a very good reason. Something had to be wrong.

"Hello?" he all but asked.

"Good, I caught ya!" Hattori replied, voice oddly hushed.

"Hattori-san?" Eisuke asked. "What happened? Why are you calling so early?"

"Isn't it afternoon there?" Hattori asked, confused.

"Well, yes, but is the sun even up in Osaka?" Eisuke asked.

"No, which is the only reason I'm gettin' away wit' this," Hattori replied. "Dad's grounded me for the month. No cases, no goin' out to anythin' that ain't cram school or kendo, and no talkin' on the phone to my friends, either. Dad's been keepin' the thing in his desk whenever I'm not at school."

"Then how are you-"

"He doesn't know about the burner phone," Hattori said. "An' if he finds out it's trouble for everyone, since it's pretty obvious the thing's rigged up for makin' shady phone calls. I've been hiding it in one of my old model train boxes; might have ta move it just in case. Worst case scenario, I give it ta Kazuha for the month an' hope she doesn't decide tryin' ta hack the thing's a smart move."

"Then why are you calling me now?" Eisuke asked. "Won't he hear you?"

"Not likely," Hattori said. "I"m at the back end of the property, in the ornamental garden. Probably gonna smell like chlorophyll after this. Might need to shower so I don't get caught...point is, unless someone comes out here to look at the sunrise before I'm done, I'm good."

Now that Eisuke was listening for it, he could hear the rustle of ornamental grass blades scraping against one another and a whistling that might have been the wind passing through a copse of bamboo.

"Okay," Eisuke said. "So, did you call so I could tell everyone how long you're grounded for?"

"Nah, Kazuha texted Kudou," Hattori said. "Should be in the group chat somewhere if you look for it. If not I'll have her yell at him to put it there so you know things. Anyhow, that ain't it. And there's no emergency, either."

Eisuke could hear a thread of hesitance sneaking into his voice.

"When we were at Inspector Yamato's, you mentioned needing to talk to me about something," Eisuke ventured. "Is that what this is?"

"Uh, yeah," Hattori said quietly. "So, um, when I kinda ran away from the breakfast table for a while, Inspector Morofushi pretty much cornered me and gave me an earful about, well, mostly about not drivin' myself crazy trying to keep Kudou from goin' crazy."

Eisuke settled back into his chair, feeling as though he was on firm ground again. "I talked to you about that too. You said you'd be fine."

"Kudou says that a lot, too," Hattori said. "Mostly, he's lying. Think I musta caught the habit."

"Don't go copying our coping mechanisms," Eisuke said. "They're generally not good ideas."

"Well at least you know it, and even Kuroba-han's startin' ta figure that out," Hattori said. "Still not sure if Kudou's figured out that he's kinda screwed up now or not." He sighed. "Look, I know he can mostly take care of himself, an' that there's a bunch of people besides me keepin' an eye on him, but f*** if I ain't worried about him and probably more than I should be."

"Things have been stressful lately, and you've had to think about Them as an active threat more than you're used to," Eisuke said. "That would be enough to make anyone a little more worried than usual. Also, there was what happened at the gas station, when we were going to the inspector's, and when we were chasing Hakuba, and also what Kuroba-san said happened at the airport."

Hattori groaned. "That, yeah. If I start thinkin' about that I'll never stop worryin' about it. He keeps sayin' it was probably jus' because he was sleep deprived an' dehydrated an' whatever but it's not like we know fer sure! He can't even go to a real doctor; the only person who 'treats' him is the nee-chan who made the stuff in the first place. I ain't a scientist but I know makin' chemicals and bein' a medical doctor are two diff'rent things...if somethin' serious was happenin', would she even know?"

He broke off, breathing ragged and audible over the phone line. Eisuke didn't say anything in response. He wasn't sure what to say. He hadn't had any idea that Hattori was so worried, and he felt a bit guilty for not noticing sooner.

"No one but her an' the professor know, in Tokyo," Hattori continued. "I guess I kinda get his reasons for not tellin' Ran-chan and her uncle, but, heck, if he gets sick, like, really sick, they won't have any way of knowin' it might be serious. He could just keel over in the middle of soccer practice or somethin' and nobody'd even think they'd need ta check on him 'til it was too late."

Well, that Eisuke could speak to.

"You're right, Hattori-san, but so could you," Eisuke said. "No one knows how long they'll live. Even when doctors make those sorts of predictions, they're not always correct. I can't blame you for worrying about Kudou-san, but it's pointless to obsess over the possibility that he might die."

"Was that supposed to be comfortin'?" Hattori asked, sounding unimpressed.

Eisuke ran over his words mentally. "Was it not?"

"I was kinda hopin' for somethin' more along the lines of 'he prob'ly won't die,' not, ya know, 'we all die someday,'" Hattori said wryly.

"That's not precisely what I meant," Eisuke said, a bit more huffily than he meant to. "It's more like...since we don't know when we're going to die, there's no sense in worrying about it happening soon."

"Okay, are you okay?" Hattori asked.

"Yes?" Eisuke replied, confused. "But if it makes you feel better, I don't think you have any reason to believe he's actually going to die as Conan during a soccer game. That's just stress and anxiety talking."

"So he'll die as Conan some other time," Hattori muttered darkly.

"Don't twist my words," Eisuke said. "Look, he's getting through this by believing he's going to survive. You should do the same."

"He's gettin' through this with a collection of terrible coping mechanisms, a whole lotta lyin', and too many close calls ta count," Hattori pointed out.

"But also faith in a future after this is over," Eisuke added.

"Which is gonna backfire hard if he doesn't find a cure," Hattori said.

"Don't borrow trouble," Eisuke scolded. "You have good reason to be worried, and it's not like I don't get concerned about him too. But he's strong, and you are helping. He wouldn't be nearly as okay as he is now if you weren't."

"Ya really think so?"

"You've been calling him by his name, for all this time," Eisuke said. "He might yell at you about secrecy, but I think he's grateful, deep down."

"Maybe," Hattori said.

"Well if nothing else, I'm grateful," Eisuke said. "He's my friend, too, and he's better off because you've been there for him. So thank you."

Hattori didn't respond, not for a while.

"You okay over there?" Eisuke asked.

"Sure thought I was," Hattori replied thickly. "Now I'm thinkin' maybe not."

"You've been one of very few people that Kudou-san and all his secrets have had to lean on for a long time," Eisuke said. "It's all right to lean on the rest of us, too."

"That's wha' 'spector Morofushi said," Hattori said. His voice was still thick. If Eisuke heard sniffling, he didn't comment. Sometimes, people cried at stress release; it wasn't that unusual, not from Eisuke's point of view. But Hattori's family was traditional enough for him to see it as embarrassing.

"So, what else have you been worrying about?" he prodded. "Better to talk about it now than have to sneak out this early again tomorrow."

"Guess so," Hattori said, a little more evenly. "There's a lot. This might take a while. That gonna be okay?"

Eisuke glanced at his homework for half a second, then dismissed that thought. If he had to rush through his work a bit, his grades could take the consequences. Talking to Hattori took priority.

"Yeah, that'll be fine," he replied.

A/N: Warnings for: Child/seeming child endangerment, medical talk, some slightly morbid discussion, discussion and portrayal of anxiety and trauma, more devaluing of trauma by characters having it, hypothetical discussion of character death

Please note that, per Chapter 6, neither Shinichi nor Hattori know for certain if Akai knows Shinichi's identity, so Hattori's account of who in Tokyo knows about Shinichi is technically correct from his point of view.

In case it wasn't obvious enough in the text, Eisuke's initial attempt to cheer Hattori up backfired because of a bit of personal culture clash. Eisuke had leukemia as a kid, and even if he doesn't remember so well, he also grew up with a family who was affected by the experience of having a very sick child. I will bet anyone money that Kir's interesting coping mechanisms predate the Black Org, significantly. So Eisuke's idea of what's encouraging is maybe a little off-kilter, in the same way that Hattori's idea of "how much murder most people discuss at dinnertime" is a bit off-kilter.

Thank you so much for all of your patience and support! I will catch up to reviews eventually, I promise.