Sorry for the wait, I had to complain with the bank that my college is giving weekly fees to that they can't withhold my money- they disagreed. I may or may not have caused a public scene, and in response the bank finally allowed me my well-earned (Read: lazily earned by sitting there and barely paying attention) money. So, in my infinite wisdom, I decided to create…this crack chapter. Not the chapter you were all hoping for, I know, but I can honestly say I'm disappointed in myself with this.

Also, my new-ish story, the RWBY/Fairy Tail crossover, won't be updated as much as this story will be; if only because it needs to be planned out a little more than this has already been. This is just, without me actually thinking about it, becoming a test more than anything else- and I've discovered through my self-evaluation that my planning skills are of short supply. Thus, the crossover was made.

This entire chapter is nothing but a crack chapter, detailing the ups and down of team RWBY plus Katey. Just to tide you all over until the new chapter comes out.

(^^^^^^)

"There was a time when I decided to see how much would be too much; how much people I could ignore before it became too much, how much people would ignore me before it became too much…how much hurt I could take before it became too much.

In the end…it wasn't enough."

-Rwbybomb21 (Me)-

(^^^^^^)

Ways to Annoy/Scare Katey: 01 The Couch of Doom

Speed is something of a relativity to Ruby.

She can move faster than the eye could see- could flicker across battlefields in seconds and butcher armies in minutes: no skill, no luck, just pure, unbridled speed. Her speed breached barriers thought otherwise impossible to breach- sound barriers? She smashed them. The speed of a bullet? She made bullets look like snails. The only barrier she wished she could destroy was light. Light was everywhere and everything, and yet she was the only one that seemed to understand that it was nothing, too.

Then there came the idea that speed is only relative to the amount of time you slow down while you seemingly speed up- in her mind, speed was just that. Nothing but movement in any direction, nothing but wind whipping and legs pounding the ground and eyes blurring because of all the adrenaline shooting through her system. That was speed.

To others, though, speed was relative to the amount of time one spent getting there- thus, for some reason, people thought speed semblance users had the ability to control time. Time, when slowed down, became relative to how long one stayed still before it began running as usual. In the case of movement versus time, when you moved and time stayed the way it was, one could be seen blurring. Almost as if you were running faster than possible.

But the thing is…speed wasn't entirely relative to movement, in fact it wasn't even related to time at all- no, speed, in essence, was-

"Hey Ruby, whatcha doin'?"

…ignoring the small distraction, Ruby attempted to gather her thoughts back to her theory of time versus speed. Now, in layman's terms-

"Ruby…you in there?"

…fuck it; she may as well see who was stupid enough to distract her from her inner thoughts. Turning her head from the white wall that occupied the left side of the hospital room she was in, Ruby blanched.

She takes calling the person stupid back; immediately.

"Oh…uh…hey Katey. Just thinking." Scratching the back of her head, Ruby tried not to seem too…sheepish- if she did then Katey would catch on and- now her ear was pinched. Great.

"And…what did you think of? What was it that was so important that you had to completely ignore my last five minutes of attempting to get through to you?"

Ruby was intelligent; she was smart, loyal, everything that made a good wife a, well, good wife. But what she wasn't, was tactful. She was nowhere near as tactful as she used to be- nowhere near as tactful as she had ever been, actually. Tact was…something she couldn't understand- why spend ages thinking and strategizing when you could just jump right into the action and get it all over with as soon as possible? It was stupid, but she supposed that, without tact, many people would be dead. So; did that make her a bad person for not employing a good thing?

So, for all her intelligence and lack of tact, Ruby could supply nothing short of the smartest answer she could come up with in this situation; the smartest thing she'd ever said to her kind, endearing, loving, compassionate wife.

"Uh…moving fast?" the pinch lessened. "Really fast; and about time too, yeah!"

Okay, to be honest, she kind of deserved what came next for that crappy lie. What's worse is it wasn't even lying!

The grip around her ear tightened as she received a lecture with the faintly hidden command to not ignore Katey ever again. Then the grip increased its tightness even more, and Ruby took all of her words back. Kind? This was practical torture! Endearing? She'd never be able to look at her the same way again! Loving? This woman was, right now, being evil! Cruel! Horrifyingly effective at getting Ruby to whimper like a kicked puppy, but still evil! And compassionate? Don't even get her started on that! Her wife was nothing but an evil, lying, scumbag of a bit-

"Ruby, why do I feel the need to make you sleep on the couch the next time you're allowed out of here?"

Ruby was breaking right now- what's worse is Katey was actually taking some form of enjoyment at seeing Ruby's face blanch even more. If it did so one more time she'd be whiter than snow. The couch was evil, a dreaded invention devised by the cruellest of scorned women to enact punishment upon their 'better halves' and their probably already dwindling sanity. It was an invention so cruel, so back-breakingly horrific, that when the suggestion was even thought of, many a scorned man and woman would shiver in fright, go to their happy places, and devise the best way to get back at their other halves if it did ever happen. The couch- a hallowing name, is it not? A contraption with no heart, no soul, no comfy mattress to shield her back from the springs and rickety wooden frame.

"You wouldn't." It was but a whisper, but Katey could still hear it, what with her leaning over Ruby's now stock still form with eyes narrowed and her breath against Ruby's left ear.

"I would."

"I-It's evil! It's a monster!"

Katey merely rolled her eyes, staring at Ruby's form in nothing but curiosity and no short amount of confusion. It was just a couch, what could be so bad about it?

"It can't be that bad, stop exaggerating."

Ruby looked affronted; exaggerating? The thing was an evil- then, a thought. A nasty thought, but if Katey thought this was exaggerating, then there was no harm in trying it out, was there? She may be a sadist, but this was something she'd never wish on anyone- except Katey, because she was being all 'oh woe is you little pitiful creature'. So, no harm in her 'toughing it out' on the couch instead of next to her, was there?

"Katey- I have a deal for you."

No, there was no issue with daring her humble wife to walk the walk of shame like some sort of death row inmate heading to the chair.

"A deal?"

Ruby smirked evilly- a look Katey knew too well and did not like one bit- even before her, to Katey, drastic chance, Ruby always was able to produce that smirk. It was a smirk that said 'you're gonna be in trouble now'.

"Yes, a deal." She leaned forward form her still position, folding her hands under her chin with the smirk growing wider by the word. "I dare you to sleep on the couch tonight; and, if you can manage to sleep more than three hours without screaming in terror then you win."

"And I win…?"

Ruby waved her hand as though it didn't matter, before placing the appendage on the side of her left cheek. The smirk hadn't gone yet- in fact, it only grew. "Whatever you want that's within my power to give."

Katey lifted an immaculate black eyebrow at that; anything? Well, this was an easy win. "And what do you win if I lose?"

"Satisfaction."

Learning that questioning Ruby brought more questions than any answers the girl could ever give her, Katey decided to just leave it at that, smirk, and walk away.

Ruby began cackling madly while clutching her sides; this was an easy win. Satisfaction was hers!

(^^^^^^)

The next morning Katey walked in, a blankness never seen before in her eyes and her mouth set in a thin line- she looked dead to the world, and the bags beneath her eyes didn't help either.

Ruby took one look and giggled madly as Katey began breaking down crying and muttering about 'Evil couches' and 'never again' over and over.

To Blake it was hilarious- another sufferer of the evil couch! Huzzah! Ruby was now someone she needed to keep an eye on, because if the couch was something they had in common, what else could be? She spotted a little black book beneath Ruby's pillow, and internally squealed. Ruby liked Ninjas of Love as well!? Could this day get any better?

To Weiss this was the most humbling thing she's ever seen- this cruel side to Ruby was nothing new if what she did to the Deathstalker during Initiation was anything to go by, but this showed her that everyone could be affected by some sort of cruelty. In Ruby case, it was the couch, something that, judging by Katey's reaction, Weiss wanted nothing to do with.

Yang was nowhere to be seen- too busy eyeing up the rest of the boys around Beacon and picking on a certain Vomit Boy.

To Ruby, it was simply a good old, rather productive, Tuesday.

(^^^^^^)

02 The Castle

Five back breaking hours. Five fucking hours, of nothing but building and now they got it down! Finally! Five hours, five cruel, but rather slow, hours had passed by since the construction of this particular object, and nothing short of a miracle could bring their spirits down now!

Then, Nora decided to crush their work by flying through the window of their room.

The castle made of playing cards was in jeopardy damn it! It needed saving! Katey looked at Ruby, who looked back, and both mentally decided they'd stop Nora from crushing their masterpiece by any means possible.

Any. Means.

Katey, with her limited combat experience form attending barely two years of Signal, decided that a head on approach wasn't the smartest thing to combat the flying Nora heading towards Ruby and Katey's baby. Yes, this thing may as well be their child with how much attention and care they put into it.

Grabbing a nearby chair and snapping one of the legs off, Katey charged at Nora and, at the last second, spun- the piece of wood smacked against Nora's ribs, and with spittle flying form the girl's mouth, Ruby and Katey both sighed in relief ads the pink themed girl crashed through the wall opposite their masterpiece.

Both sighed and went back to their baby, both cooing as though it were an actual baby and Ruby was wiping her eyes, saying something about 'being so proud'.

Then, a gust of wind broke through the window that Nora had smashed to pieces, and with the wind both saw the castle, probably more detailed than Beacon could ever hope to be, begin to wobble. In desperation Ruby flung herself in front of the castle, ready to die for it if necessary, while Katey grabbed the broken chair and hurled it at the window. Surprisingly the chair got stuck in the hole rather than making it bigger, and to than end the gust of wind died out. Ruby lifted herself form the ground and breathed a sigh of relief while Katey wielded the chair leg as some sort of sword, ready to die for her now-named family.

The door to their room slammed open, and in paranoia Ruby dove in front of her child once more- the wind created by the slam caused the castle to shake, and to both of their horror they realised Yang was the one to walk in.

Sighing again once the castle stopped wobbling, Ruby relaxed and wiped sweat from her brow.

Katey simply burned a hole into Yang's face with her glare- was there anything else that could threaten her family!?

The wall right next to Ruby and their child was smashed to pebble sized pieces as Weiss came flying in next.

Neither could stop the pebble sized piece of wall from crashing into their castle.

A minute later Blake walked in to see Ruby and Katey both wearing a black veil with matching black nondescript dressed, both crying their eyes out while Ruby had her face to Katey's chest. If anything, she'd say they were mourning something. Or someone.

As she approached while the rest of team RWBY was sniffling, all the while Nora was knocked out, she placed a hand on Katey's shoulder. What she saw made her tear up- there, on the ground, surrounded by flowers, was a small pack of playing cards with a picture of what looked like the best card castle she's ever seen. It was exquisite, but ignoring the small part of her that thought this was completely exaggerated, she wiped her own tears from her face and nodded weakly to a grim faced Katey.

Ruby reached a hand out to the card pack, before pulling back as if stung- then she began crying again while Katey patted her back. "H-He was barely a day old!"

"I know, Ruby- but he'd want us to stay strong."

Nodding weakly, Ruby wiped her face clean of tears and whispered. "Yeah, yeah; I know. We gotta be strong."

Glynda Goodwitch just rolled her eyes as she watched over the screens of her cameras.

Ruby really was something else; though losing that card castle was a shame- it really was quite good.