"You're being sent back in time."

Naruto, who had now more or less shrugged off his drowsiness, just stared at the apparition before him.

"Excuse me?"

"We're sending you back in time, Naruto. We feel its for the best," the apparition known as Hagoromo repeated, his face stern and completely serious. Naruto simply tilted his head.

"Okay," Naruto responded, "why?"

"We feel its for the best," the Sage of Six Paths repeated. Naruto waited a bit to see if the Sage was going to continue. He was not.

"Okay, why do you think its for the best?" Naruto clarified. He had finally gotten to the point where he was supremely happy in his life. He had achieved his lifelong dream of being Hokage, and started a family to fill in the void he was missing almost his entire life. He had a loving wife, and a beautiful daughter. Yeah, his son was a rebellious punk, but he reminded the blond Hokage of himself when he was younger so there was a certain pride in that as well.

Not to mention that it was also kinda his fault his son was acting out. So there was that.

Point being, he was really happy where he was in his life and had absolutely no intention of going back. Having to redo everything to exactly the way it was before just seemed ridiculous, especially considering the kinda shit he had to go through.

Holy shit that whole fiasco with Sasuke! That happened! It seemed like almost a lifetime ago but he and Sasuke had totally saved the world.

Oh and Sakura and the rest of the ninja world was there as well. Details.

The Sage of Six Paths just shook his head. "We believe that-"

"Its for the best?" Naruto finished inquisitively. He was hit on the head with the Sage's staff.

"No," Hagoromo answered, "we believed that you were too lucky in the events concerning your life. A lot of the things that went down in your," Hagoromo paused to find the right words,"... sordid life seemed a bit too coincidental."

Naruto bristled, "Really? Like what?"

"Like the time you just so happened to awaken the chakra of Kurama exactly when you needed it on the bridge in Wave?"

Naruto scowled slightly, "that happened? Kurama, did that happen?"

The tailed beast inside him groaned, "what? Maybe," The giant fox then noticed the Sage, "sup gramps."

"Gramps" nodded in kind, having somehow heard that.

Naruto nodded as well, "I don't clearly remember that, but I know it made sense."

"Oh really? Then how about that time that you somehow outran an entire train?" Hagoromo continued.

"When the hell was that?"

"The mission to Snow Country. To save the princess? Yukie?"

"How the hell do you know about that?" Naruto asked.

"Details," Hagoromo answered.

"Fine," Naruto replied, not caring either way, "I can easily outrun a train. I can outrun light if I really wanted to. Hell, my Dad used to do it all the time."

"You were thirteen at the time."

"I was a gifted youngster," Naruto replied.

"Earlier that day you struggled to outrun a horse."

"I was also determined."

"Determined enough to outrun a train?"

"You underestimate my determination."

"Very well," Hagoromo explained, "then that time you managed to survive Itachi and Kisame?"

"Ero-sennin was there."

"Sasuke was there before him," Hagoromo retorted.

"He was still there."

"And how about that whole 'three year hiatus' the Akatsuki went on? Explain that?"

"They had their reasons."

"Explain them."

"I don't pretend to understand the minds of deranged S-ranked criminals."

"Explain beating Neji."

"Determination"

"And getting Pein to bring everyone back to life?"

"Talk no Jutsu is a fearsome ability."

Hagoromo just rolled his eyes, surpressing a more exaggerated response.

"Whatever, you're being sent back in time."

"Why?" Naruto asked.

"We feel its for the best," Hagoromo responded.

Naruto stared at the Sage, "you know, you're being difficult."

"So are you, Asura," the Sage responded.

"I'm not your son."

"But you are being sent back in time," the Sage answered, twirling his staff in a circle. Instantly they were transported from Naruto's bedroom to a weird, void-like dimension. There was almost nothing in it, random colors just flowing in the background.

"Huh, so this is what being sent back in time is like," Naruto commented, looking around, "very pretty."

Kyuubi chose this time to chime back in, "you're taking this really well, Naruto."

Naruto looked at his stomach, "give me a minute."

"You'll be sent back to about the time you were scheduled to take the Genin Exam. We want to see how your life would go if you weren't so lucky," the Sage continued.

Naruto looked back at the Sage, "yeah, about that. Why exactly do you think I'll just play along? I have about enough power to completely and totally annihilate every single person in the Elemental Nations on a whim. There are about a grand total of, what, zero people who can stop me? I'm assuming you want me to play out my life as I did when I was a child with slight differences. That's not going to happen."

Purely out of spite, Naruto neglected to add. He was not excited about being pulled back in time and away from everything he loved.

"Oh, good question," the Sage stated, glee in his eyes. With a twirl of his staff, Naruto was once again a child. Looking at his now much shorter arms and terrible jumpsuit outfit, all Naruto could do was shrug.

"Yeah, I expected as much. No big deal."

Hagoromo chuckled, "you're taking this well."

Naruto shrugged again, "well yeah. I can still use Shadow Clone Jutsu and Rasengan. That's literally my entire arsenal. I have learned literally nothing else in my entire tenure as Shinobi so just being smaller isn't going to really change how I fight."

"We're also taking away your toad summoning," Hagoromo continued, "you hadn't signed its contract yet where we're dumping you."

"Oh," Naruto stated, "will that take away my Sage Mode?"

Hagoromo thought about it. "It shouldn't. I think that's just you being really still."

"Then that's fine. I hadn't summoned Gamakichi in a while anyway. He would be about the size of my palm anyway," Naruto responded, a hand on his chin, "what about Kurama? Do I still have the fuzzball?"

"Hey fuck you, brat."

Hagoromo decidedly ignored the interaction, "Yes."

"Then I hadn't really lost anything but the ability to get the ramen out the top drawer."

"You'd be surprised at how much that changes things."

For once since he woke up that morning he agreed with the Sage.

"Also, you're allowed to bring one person with you."

At this Naruto perked up. At least he wouldn't be totally alone. Hey! He could totally bring Himawari and COMPLETELY fuck with some heads!

"You can't bring people who weren't born yet," Hagoromo continued, as if sensing the neo-boy's intentions. Naruto visibly deflated. He didn't really care about that clause anymore.

"Although, I suppose you could bring Bolt if its that important to you."

"No," Naruto responded without hesitation. He was not bringing his son back. No way in hell could the world handle two of him. He continued thinking on it.

"Can I bring back Sasuke?"

Hagoromo looked at him funny, "I would assume you would like to bring back your wife."

Naruto shook his head. "Nah. If we went back together we'd probably immediately attempt some very disgusting and VERY wrong prepubescent sex. That'd kinda mess up your intentions of keeping things the same."

Hagoromo held up a finger, "oh right. About that. You don't exactly have a choice whether or not things change. No matter what you do things will attempt to go the way they originally did."

"Explain."

"The gods that hired me to do this find your life and subsequent misfortune extremely entertaining. No matter what you do they will find a way to push it back on track."

"Oh," Naruto intelligently responded, "well in that case fuck you and fuck them."

Hagoromo held his finger back up, a hand to his ear. "The gods say that now they're going to actively fuck with you."

Naruto shrugged.

"So who are you going to bring?" Hagoromo asked.

Naruto thought on it. He could bring Sakura. Having a super useful and ultra powerful kunoichi on his side would help things a lot. It also sweetened the deal in that it meant that there would be no super annoying useless mass of pink hair on his team. Her endless strength was the result of excellent chakra control right? That didn't change with age. She would still be powerful.

The downside to that would be that she wouldn't be entirely too happy with being torn away from her family either. Her dreams and goals of not only catching up in strength to her two teammates, but also marrying Sasuke were also fulfilled, and she would probably punch him into paste the instant she realized what happened.

It was for these reasons he couldn't choose Sasuke either. The Mangekyo Sharingan was related to experience, which meant that while he might lose his Rinnegan, the now proud Uchiha father would still have access to Ameterasu. Having to constantly look over your shoulder for terrible black flames was NOT how he wished to spend his renewed childhood.

He couldn't bring back Hinata either. He didn't know how the process worked, but he didn't want to leave his children without either parents, regardless of whether or not the gods left a copy of him or if time rewinded.

"We're doing a split timeline thing. Your universe will literally be paused while we're doing this," Hagoromo explained, "you'll be returned when you reach this point again."

Oh. Well either way, everyone he just listed would not appreciate being ripped from their families to relive most of their own lives anyway. He needed someone who he could count on that also wouldn't have their lives ruined. Someone like-

"Akamaru. I want Akamaru at my side," Naruto stated, a straight face on.

Kyuubi literally howled with laughter. Hagoromo just looked confused.

"No," he finally responded. Kyuubi had not stopped laughing from his place in Naruto's gut.

"Why not?" Naruto asked.

"Cause Akamaru is not a person. Also, how would that help you?"

Naruto shrugged, "I dunno. I just figured he would like being young again. A dual benefit."

"Pick someone else," the Sage responded, pinching the bridge of his nose.

With his first option out of the way, Naruto could only think of one other person he'd rather have with him, "Neji."

"Done," Hagoromo stated, and with a twirl of his staff, the previously dead Hyuuga boy was standing next to the seated Naruto. He was about as old as he was when Naruto was taking the Genin Exam.

"Huh, wait, what?" Neji Hyuuga asked, clearly confused. "Where am I?" he asked, before seeing Naruto smiling up at him. "Is this hell?"

"Nope, Neji, we're in an interdimensional space and time loop," Naruto answered, now giddy. He was already starting to get excited since he now realize that there would be no consequences. This was like a big game to the gods and he was a chess piece right? If he could just go back when the game was over there would be no problem.

Neji just looked at Naruto like he was crazy, "I see, and why am I here?"

Hagoromo took over in explaining, "Naruto was given one person to go back in time with to relive his life for the amusement of the powers that be. He chose you."

"Oh," was Neji's sole respone. He turned to Naruto, "why not Sasuke?"

"Crazy black flames," was Naruto's response, "he has a kid now. Would not like me taking him from that."

"I see," Neji responded, "what else has happened since I died? How did the war end?"

"Oh, glad you asked," Naruto said, slightly giddier than he had been before, "you want the short or the long version?"

Neji looked to Hagoromo. The Rinnegan was fully apparent in the old man's eyes. Neji wisely bowed.

"How long do we have in here, Venerable Sage?"

Hagoromo, not used to such respect after having spent so long with Naruto, was slightly surprised by the proper way of speech. He responded after his heart had finally restarted.

"We are in a void that can literally only exist due to the absence of time and space. You could spend millenia in here and have absolutely nothing change."

"I see," Neji pondered. He looked back at Naruto. He looked far too excited for a person being ripped from his old life for whatever reason.

"The short version."

Naruto, now pouting cause Neji refused his longer version, cleared his throat. He was getting the medium version for being a smartass.

"So basically, after you saved Hinata and I from the Juubi, the Shinobi Alliance decided that-"

"Hinata," Neji interrupted.

"Excuse me?" Naruto asked.

"I saved Hinata from the Juubi. You were a fortunate add on."

"I see," said Naruto slowly, before continuing, "anyway, after you died, it somehow reminded me of what it was like to be a Shinobi, and that it meant we endure. We then formed a giant Kurama powered phoenix I think."

"What the actual fuck."

"Indeed," Hagoromo input.

"Yeah, so we ran through the Juubi tree. Were you there when the Juubi turned into a tree?"

"I wish I was. Probably wouldn't have been impaled by its spike things."

"So yeah, it turned into a tree. How crazy was that?"

"Sounds like you're making this up," Neji responded.

"I wish he was," Hagoromo stated, "continue."

"So that happened. Uh, I think the Hokages came back?"

Neji held up a hand, "you're telling this story out of order. I was there when that happened."

Naruto pouted, "well excuse me. This was like, seventeen years ago."

Neji gaped, "Se-seventeen years? How old are you?"

"I dunno," Naruto answered, "I wanna say thirty six."

"How do you not know how old you are?" Neji asked.

"Things kinda blend together when you're running an entire village and spearheading a United Shinobi Front."

Neji's jaw dropped even further, "Wait, you did it? You became Hokage?" Naruto beamed at this.

"Yup! Nanadaime Hokage himself! Aren't you proud?"

"Of course, Naruto!" the Hyuuga prodigy exclaimed. Putting aside his recently admitted accidental saving of the blonde boy's life, Neji still sincerely wished for the blonde's happiness and well being. "Seventh Hokage is ama- wait Seventh?"

Naruto nodded, "yes, Kakashi-sensei was before me."

"How exciting."

"Indeed," responded Naruto, "so anyway, Obito then became the jinchuuriki of the Ten-Tails, then kinda died with it after I used Talk no Jutsu on him but he didn't really die, then Madara came back to life after forcing Obito to use the same thing that Pein used to bring Konoha back to life on him. He then became the Ten Tails jinchuuriki."

"Wait, didn't Tsunade ban that Talk no Jutsu? Something about it being too powerful?" Naruto made a shushing sound.

"Anyway, Madara then absorbed the tree..."

"Wait, I thought the tree was the Juubi?"

"Listen Neji, everything gets a bit confusing here. Do you want the short version or not?" Naruto asked, clearly annoyed.

Neji wisely shut up.

"Anyway, he gets like really powerful and Sasuke and I almost die so Grampa Sage here-"

"Wait, what do you mean, almost die?"

"We almost die. Stop interrupting or so help me I will Talk no Jutsu you."

Neji once again shuts up. Its at this point Hagoromo begins to contemplate how powerful this jutsu is.

"Should I inform the gods of this ability? It seems much more fearsome than the name implies."

Neji deadpans, "I don't think even the gods could take such a forbidden and powerful technique from him."

"Grandpa Sage here then tells us that we're the incarnations of his sons, who were doomed to fight each other for all eternity because Godlike sibling rivalry transcends lifetimes."

Neji looked at the Sage for confirmation. When the Sage nodded, Neji could only sigh and gesture for Naruto to continue.

"We gain some of their powers, Sasuke the Sharinnegan and I the abilities of every single Tailed Beast."

Neji once again turned to the Sage. Not once did the Sage choose to interrupt so Neji was forced to take this as fact.

"Also I think I gained the ability to regrow certain body parts. I regrew Kakashi's sensei's eye when Madara took it and Bushy Brow Sensei's soul."

Neji at this point just decided to never turn away from the Sage. Seeing his straight face never once falter made the young Hyuuga wonder how good this man was at poker.

"So anyway, we start fighting and we get Madara to a standstill. It was now that that Black Zetsu freak did something and Madara turned into Kaguya, Grandpa Sage's mom. She teleported us to another dimension a couple times and she teleported Sasuke to another one completely. It took all of Sakura-chan's saved up chakra and I think Obito's last powers of his Kamui? I don't quite remember, but we got him back. Now this next part may seem unbelievable..."

"Sure, the next part." Neji commented.

"Right, so Kakashi sensei told me that shortly after we saved Sasuke, Obito died, but because he was really determined, he was able to loan Kakashi his Sharingan for a bit and Kakashi used to make a perfect Susanoo and protect us when we eventually sealed Kaguya away in another dimension."

Neji held up his hands to stop the story, "wait, hold on? Obito did what? I thought he was our enemy?"

"Talk no Jutsu," Naruto responded.

"Oh right."

Seeing Neji's immediate acceptance had finalized Hagoromo's decision to tell the gods of this technique.

"But he came back to give Kakashi his Sharingan? There's a limit to how far determination can go."

"You'd be surprised," Hagoromo cut in.

"So anyway, Grandpa Sage summoned us back, Sasuke and I fought, and eventually lost both our arms, before I finally, finally pulled that stick out of his ass. He then settled down, roamed the Earth, had a kid with Sakura, I had two kids with Hinata, and we all lived happily ever after until this happened." It was here Naruto found a gentle fist at his throat. He poofed into nonexistence.

"Wait what?" Neji asked.

Hagoromo shared that sentiment.

"That was a... shadow clone?"

Hagoromo, who couldn't believe it, cursed before putting his hand on Neji's shoulder.

"I'll be back"

In his office, Naruto had momentarily stopped eating his instant ramen when the memories of his clone zipped back to him.

"They finally figured it out, huh?" The Orange Hokage then placed his hand on the intercom.

"Hey Shizune?"

"Yes. Naruto?" his lovely assistance who looked over the last two Kages answered.

"Next time I press this button, remind me of something?"

"Yes, Naruto?"

"Remind me that I almost got away with pranking the GOD of Shinobi," he answered, before Hagoromo's hand zipped out of the aether and dragged Naruto back into the timeless zone.

Naruto, now a kid again, laughed his ass off.

"Took you long enough."