"Don't be nervous."

"I'm not."

"Oh, okay."

Bokuto loosens his grip on the steering wheel. Of course Kenma isn't nervous. Huh. Then why does Bokuto feel so nervous? He can't sit still. His right leg might be focusing on the correct car pedals, but his left leg is out of control. First he had it firmly planted on the floor like any normal driver, the closer they get to the restaurant the more erratic the leg becomes.

First it's only shaking slightly, still planted on the car mat. But the lack of speaking is building up in Bokuto. He tries moving his leg to the very left of his driving space, legs as wide as they can go. Then almost bringing his knee to his chest, resting his foot where the door and the dashboard meet. He finally settles with tucking his left foot under his right thigh. He's still shaking of course, so it ends up just looking like Bokuto is flapping a very large wing, shaking the whole car.

"Bokuto-san... can you stop shaking the car?"

"Sure Kenma, like I said, there's no need to be nervous."

"I told you I'm not."

Bokuto might hear what Kenma is saying, but it's not registering with the driver, "it's only your first group outting as an official couple, that's all. No pressure. There's nothing different about your relationship except the title. That's all. Hinata will be the same and you will be the same and you both will be fine. No reason to be nervous."

If Kenma hears what Bokuto is saying he doesn't act like it. What's the use in fighting a losing battle?

Bokuto signals the turn into the restaurant parking lot and goes on without encouragement, "everyone already knows about you two, so it's not like there will be some announcement needed. It's Lev's birthday, so no need for you two to steal the spotlight, right? Gosh I remember one time for Akaashi's birthday, we..."

Bokuto realizes the name that slipped out of his mouth and is glad Kenma isn't one to push sensitive subjects. Isn't one to push anything at all, really.

"Will Akaashi be here?"

The two boys sit in Bokuto's car. Ignition off, silence as loud as ever.

Akaashi's name has a bad habit of falling out of Bokuto's mouth. Wherever, whenever, even when he's alone. Like this morning, when he forgot what time they were supposed to meet for dinner tonight, Bokuto just called out, "Hey, Akaashi," but of course, no one answered.

Sometimes Bokuto thinks he does it because he really thinks Akaashi is still in their apartment with him. He thinks he's just in their bedroom putting laundry away, or in the spare room filing the bills he's just paid. He'll even go as far as getting up from the couch to double check both rooms. Just in case.

Just in case the past year has been a horrible dream that he's just woken up from. A nightmare.

Bokuto never once thought about moving out of their apartment. It's been where he's called home for almost four years. Sure, paying for a two-bedroom on a single-income is a little hard, but Bokuto makes it work. He just needed a few reminders about some other bills. Like all of them.

But Yaku helped him create a budget log. And Kuroo helped him organize the second room into more of a work out room rather than an office. The desk where he used to find Akaashi slumped over, asleep with pen in hand, is still in there, though.

He's surprised when Kenma asks the question about Akaashi. Kenma heard from Kuroo about the misunderstanding at Daichi and Sugawara's wedding and had been mortified (to which Bokuto was only mildly offended). Supposedly he's been bugging Kuroo for Akaashi's number to make sure the dark-haired boy doesn't hate him. Maybe that's why he's so interested in Akaashi's presence tonight.

"Probably not," Bokuto says as he opens the car door. It was getting hard to breathe in the car, because of the weather. The heat. Due to the weather.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LEV!" Bokuto yells from across the room. He turns and finds Kenma already making his way to the large table in the middle of the room. He's not sure what he's waiting for so he follows Kenma's path.

"Thanks, Bokuto-san! Kenma-san!" Lev waves happily at the two finding an empty seat at the table. Yaku is sitting next to the tall boy, looking just as happy and care-free as Lev. Unusual.

"Bokuto! Kenma! Did you say happy birthday to my boyfriend? It's his birthday today! He's getting so big. Another year older. So big..." Yaku is talking just as loudly as Bokuto from across the room.

"Yaku," Kuroo appears, placing an arm around his friend's shoulders, "maybe cool it on the alcohol? We haven't even ordered our food yet." Yaku is still smiling, but buries his head in his former-captains stomach, "I'm just so happy. He's growing up..."

"Yaku, I'm your boyfriend, not your child." Lev has a blush on his cheeks, but clearly enjoys the praise from his boyfriend.

Kuroo slides away from Yaku, leaving Lev to catch the smaller boy, "I believe this is yours..." Then he turns to Bokuto, "late as always. Come on, we saved you a seat."

Bokuto mocks being hurt, "first of all, Kenma is the one that made me late," he argues while following Kuroo to the other end of the long table.

"No, Kenma is the one that makes you even later than you already are." Another voice joins the conversation.

"Nice to see you, Tsukishima."

"Always a pleasure."

Bokuto waits for it...

"For you, I'm sure."

It's their usual dynamic. Tsukishima bites and Bokuto bites back. That's how it's always been for... well, forever! It could be Bokuto's imagination, but ever since he and Akaashi broke up it seems that Tsukishima's bite stings a little more. And Bokuto's bites practically are non-existent.

He knows the two friends sitting across from him are just as close to Akaashi still. He tries not to bring up the name in front of them. Especially Tsukishima. The younger boy has never had anything mean to say about the break, or Bokuto for that matter, but still.

"Is Akaashi coming?"

Again, it's a bad habit.

Kuroo and Tsukishima exchange looks, probably speaking some unspoken husband language that Bokuto will never understand. How anyone can communicate without words is beyond Bokuto.

"I don't think so," Kuroo says, "I sent him a message but didn't get a reply."

Bokuto must have looked physically upset to hear the news because Tsukishima surprisingly tries to soften the blow.

"I think he said he's working late tonight."

"Ah."

It sucks getting pity looks from your best friend, but receiving pity looks from your psuedo-snarky-enemy/rival is just as humiliating.

Boktuo looks around the table and sees most of the usual suspects. Kenma has found an open seat next to Hinata, smile on his face for the first time that night. Asahi and Nishinoya are sitting next to Daichi and Sugawara at the opposite end of the table next. Nishinoya catches Bokuto's glance and waves. He elbows his boyfriend and Bokuto laughs at how high Asahi jumps from his chair. He can tell Nishinoya is telling him something about being nice, or waving, because Asahi looks up and offers a sweet smile.

There's a few others he remembers from the Karasuno team, the bald-headed one force feeding his dark-haired boyfriend something gross. A few other guys from Nekoma. As Bokuto looks around the table he notices one thing.

"Where's Kageyama?"

Tsukishima looks up from the menu he and Kuroo are sharing, "I think he had an away game, gone for the weekend."

"And Freckles?"

"Yamaguchi," Tsukishima stresses the name, "is working a 24-hour shift at the hospital."

"Oh." Usually Bokuto has no trouble reacquainting himself with the group of guys sitting around Yaku and Lev, trying to find common ground. Usually he could walk right up, take an empty seat and start asking random questions to get the conversation going. But the more he watches the group the more he realizes how perfectly happy they are to talk among themselves.

Bokuto counts.

He's a fucking 15th wheel.

After the meal Bokuto is ready to leave. He's ready to leave before the meal, but that would be just rude.

He enjoys conversations that come by him. Hinata and Kenma come by, Hinata thanking Bokuto again for getting them together. It gives Bokuto a small sense of accomplishment, but he had nothing to do with it, really.

It had been a distraction.

The first few weeks living alone weren't so bad. Running on a schedule only convenient for himself was nice. He could get take out every night if he wanted. Which he did the first week. Until he had a horrible stomach cramp at practice once and had to sit out a whole set.

There are other aspects to being alone that Bokuto tried to convince himself he liked. Having the whole bed to himself. He could simply roll to Akaashi's old side when he felt himself get too hot or sweaty under the covers. There was a whole other cooler side of the bed he could now use.

And having control of the TV. No longer does he have to sit through episode after episode of Law and Order or Elementary. Now, it's The Bachelor on Mondays, The Little Couple on Tuesdays, American Idol on Wednesdays, Project Runway on Thursdays, and the Amazing Race on Fridays.

But now he purposely picks the single bananas at the grocery store, because he understands what it's like being alone and well.. he hates it.

He never uses Akaashi's side of the bed, it's not a refreshing kind of cool. It leaves him shaking and shivering, like his body is freezing from the inside out.

And although he still indulges on his reality show schedule he finds himself staying awake for reruns of Law and Order every night. He even missed a weekend practice for an Elementary marathon. He has the new season DVR'd.

He's not sure why he even cared about Kenma and Hinata's relationship so much anyway. Watching the two sitting in front of him now, they would have gotten together eventually. He's watching Hinata ask Kenma which dessert he wants and Kenma listing the pros and cons of each option.

For each con Hinata throws a compromise to balance the scales. Some are outlandish, others make Kenma think.

"Well, this might have the most sugar in it, but if we end up running five miles later tonight we'll need the energy!"

"But you love caramel, isn't there never enough caramel?"

He would admit if the smaller couple reminded him of his own (former) relationship. But Kenma doesn't compare to Akaashi. Not in the slightest. Akaashi might be quiet and reserved, but not because he doesn't want to be noticed. And Bokuto might be... energetic, but nowhere near as hyped up as Hinata is. Akaashi was always noticed, wherever they went. Bokuto's mouth could be running non-stop on the subway, aggravating everyone around them, but it would be Akaashi's looks that would get people to speak to the couple. It's like listening to Bokuto's bullshit was worth hearing one word that came out of Akaashi's angelic mouth.

If it were because he's a true romantic then it would be a little pointless now to act on that, don't you think? If he wanted true love to prevail he would've stopped Akaashi from moving out a year ago.

Why didn't he stop Akaashi from moving out a year ago? It's a question Bokuto asks himself every morning when he wakes up in a cold bed. Every time he looks in the mirror and thinks, 'you look like shit' (he also thinks, 'where's your better half?'). Every time he crawls into bed and he get's that frozen to the bone feeling again.

No, he didn't help KenHina because of those things at all.

He just didn't want them to feel lonely anymore.

It's a horrible feeling.

"Bro, I think I'm going to head out." Bokuto stayed for dessert and even a drink or two. More than enough time to celebrate. He remembers being the last ones the leave in times like this. But that had been years ago. Or maybe just one year.

"You're leaving? Already?" Kuroo has his arm draped around Tsukishima, who has his head on the table. "I think we're going to a bar after this for drinks if you want to tag along. Stay at our place."

Normally he'd be all over the invitation. Why stop the fun? "No, that's okay, I'm ready for bed," Bokuto points at the blonde mess of hair, "I think he is, too."

"Nah, he's fine." Kuroo rubs circles on his husband's back, "he's the one that suggested it actually."

Bokuto snorts, "I doubt that. He can't even keep his head up." Since when does Bokuto worry about Tsukishima's comfort? Normally...

Well, you get it.

"Swear it." Bokuto understands what people mean when they say Kuroo's smiles leave them with an unsettled feeling. He's never felt it before, but this one...

"Come on, it'll be fun." Kuroo urges, standing to join Bokuto's level, "Yaku is cut off so Lev is taking him home, but I think Daichi and Sugawara said they're coming."

"Shouldn't Lev be the one cut off? It's his birthday after all." Since when does Bokuto worry about what's fair in a relationship?

"I don't like alcohol, unlike this guy." Lev appears behind them, Yaku on his back, piggy back style, "we're heading out. Thanks for coming, guys."

Bokuto smiles and wishes Lev a happy birthday again. Yaku is barely holding onto Lev, but looks right at home on the boy's shoulders.

"Hope you're still alive tomorrow, Yaku," Kuroo jokes, seeing them off as well. Tsukishima's head is still against the table.

"Lev will take care of me, he always does." Yaku hugs Lev's neck and again, Lev blushes.

"And he says I'm a handful... Oh well, what's that saying? Love is a street?"

"Love is a two-way street, Lev. You're missing the most important part of the saying." Kuroo, ever the teacher, corrects.

"Yeah well, you get it." Lev hoists the smaller boy up and turns to leave, saying goodbye to the others still at the table.

"So... the bar?" Kuroo asks, running a hand through Tsukishima's hair.

"Dude, I think Tsukki is really done."

"He's not."

"...his head has been on the table for like an hour now!"

"Exaggeration. I assure you, he's fine."

For some reason, something isn't sitting well with Bokuto about this situation. Why isn't Kuroo backing down? Doesn't he realize that Tsukishima, his husband, HUSBAND, is done? Head down, over. He's never seen Kuroo so adamant on pushing Tsukishima to do anything he clearly does not want to do. It's called picking up on the smaller things, Bokuto realizes this now. Again, maybe a little too late, but it's Bokuto's cross to bear. He can't let it happen to his best friend, too.

"Kuroo, Tsukishima is done, you guys need to go home." Bokuto's voice comes out angrier than he plans.

Kuroo's smile is fading from his face, "um... uh... Tsukishima is..."

"Is tired, or drunk, I don't really know," Bokuto wasn't paying attention to what the blonde was drinking, "but bottom line is he clearly doesn't want to go to the bar."

"Woah, Bo, calm down..."

"No, you need to listen to him. Okay, so he's not speaking, but look at him! That says it enough doesn't it? You have to think about him and how he feels. If not well, then there's this huge wedge driven in between you without you knowing it and by the time you do he's going to be on his way in a fucking rental truck to god knows where."

Bokuto doesn't realize he's yelling until he notices Daichi and Sugawara are staring at him from the other end of the table. Kuroo is staring of course and so is Tsukishima.

Wait, so is Tsukishima?

Bokuto stares at Tsukishima like he's just seen a ghost. Tsukishima looks fine. There's a small red mark on his forehead from the pressure of the table for so long, but other than that, nothing else out of the ordinary. His eyes aren't bloodshot, half-lidded with sleep, nothing.

Tsukishima's eyes move to Kuroo's briefly, then he clears his throat to explain, "um... I was just messaging Akaashi. He says he'll meet us at the bar."

"Oh..." Bokuto feels foolish. Kuroo's smile is back on his face, letting his best bro know there's not need to apologize. There's a familiar smirk back on Tsukishima's face that Bokuto would never have thought he'd be so glad to see.

"Let's go, then."

The bar is just down the street, maybe a few blocks. The relationship bus has shortened and Bokuto is only a 5th wheel, now.

Kuroo is walking with Sugawara and Daichi, sharing their honeymoon experiences. Tsukishima falls into step with Bokuto.

"It's okay to be nervous."

"Me? I'm not nervous."

"Hmm."

Tsukishima glances at his phone, Bokuto tries to peek at the screen, but Tsukishima blocks him.

"You know," Tsukishima begins, "I think it's actually a good thing if you're nervous."

Bokuto clicks his tongue and looks away. Okay, so he's not the greatest at talking about these things...

"I bet Akaashi is nervous." Tsukishima pushes again.

"You think so?" Damn Tsukishima. Knows how to push Bokuto's buttons.

"Yeah, I think so," damn Tsukishima for knowing he's pushing Bokuto's buttons, "but it's a good nervous. Maybe excited?"

"I'm nervous, too. Excited. Whatever you want to call it. After the reception I haven't heard from him. I thought things went kind of well then? I don't know. It was good to see him. He seems to be doing okay..."

"You're lying."

"I know I'm lying. He looked like shit. He looks just so... unhappy. I mean he's still gorgeous but there's just something about him that's missing."

Tsukishima's phone lights up and this time Bokuto catches the message.

'Here.'

This time though, it looks deliberate that Tsukishima lingers on his lock screen. They're at the bar, too. He sees The younger boy pocket his phone and open the door, inviting Bokuto in first.

"Maybe it's you he's missing."