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This story currently features; Matt Donovan, Elena Gilbert, Damon Salvatore, Stefan Salvatore, Caroline Forbes, Bonnie Bennett, Tyler Lockwood, Klaus Mikaelson, Rebekah Mikaelson, Kol Mikaelson, Lorenzo/Enzo St. John, Hayley Marshall, and Malachai/Kai Parker, all as equally main characters.
Minor or background characters include: Valerie Tulle, Nora Hildegard, Mary Louise, Katherine Pierce (main later on in the story(, Elijah Mikaelson, Freya Mikaelson, Finn Mikaelson, and Jeremy Gilbert.

More characters may be included as the story advances, and I will update the list when that happens. I am willing to take requests if any readers would like me to add in people of their own choice.

Many relationships and potential relationships will be explored, both platonic and romantic.
Romantic ones include; Elena Gilbert/Damon Salvatore, Caroline Forbes/Klaus Mikaelson, Rebekah Mikaelson/Stefan Salvatore, Bonnie Bennett/Kai Parker, Bonnie Bennett/Kol Mikaelson. Additional unlisted ones may develop.
Platonic ones include; Elena Gilbert & Bonnie Bennett & Caroline Forbes, Klaus Mikaelson & Rebekah Mikaelson & Kol Mikaelson, Tyler Lockwood & Hayley Marshall, Klaus Mikaelson & Stefan Salvatore, Lorenzo/Enzo St. John & Damon Salvatore. Additional unlisted ones may develop.
I will take any and all requests that people voice on any other relationships you might want to see.

This was initially meant to be a comedy, as clear through the first few chapters, however I've, as of chapter 6, have decided to take the story into a far darker direction. There'll still be some dark and dry humor, but it won't be as 'in your face' as it was in the beginning.

There is no main character, they are all equal in importance, yes, Matt Donovan is just as important as everyone else. They are all human, and other than the siblings, none of them have ever met before. The tags for characters will change with each update, based upon the main characters the new update features.

ON A SERIOUS NOTE: Any of the topics and illnesses portrayed below are in no way meant to cause offense or make light of mental issues. In some cases they are caricatures, and as a result of this medical inaccuracies may occur and I take full responsibility for them. Despite my best intentions, I apologize if anything I have written upsets anyone.

PLEASE TAKE CARE when reading this. If you are triggered by eating disorders, physical abuse, drug use, depressive and suicidal thoughts, then don't read this. Your personal safety is more important.

Otherwise, please enjoy.

DysFUNction

'What happens when you put one IED sufferer, two narcissists, and a histrionic personality disorder patient in a room together?' Matt joked to himself. Okay, so maybe he wasn't necessarily qualified for the job, or even ready, to try and help twelve mentally ill people get better. But he sure as hell was going to try.

Matt remained standing as everyone else sat themselves down in the circle. He looked down to the list of names and joining information of his patients. Twelve names. One of the smallest groups. But he didn't mind, in fact, that was exactly what he needed. He thought that starting off in one of the oldest institutions in the state would mean that he would get a massive group, but oldest didn't necessarily mean biggest, and he was thankful for that. Noticing there was one empty seat, and only eleven people, he frowned slightly, but decided to continue on.

"Hello everyone, welcome to the Augustine Center. My name it Matt, and I will be your over viewer and group therapist. I'm looking forward to what's ahead, but before we get any further, I would like to learn a little bit about you all from you yourselves. Please, tell me your names, ages, why you are here, and your past experiences in any other places."

The first girl beside him stood. "Hi, I'm Elena Gilbert, I'm 20 years old, and I have bipolar disorder. I was at the last place for a few years, but it was getting over crowded and I wasn't getting any better, and I transferred here." Her long chestnut hair flowed easily over her shoulders, and she smiled ruefully as she spoke, adding a certain charm to her words. Matt noted down, 'Elena Gilbert – pleasant enough, maybe slightly shallow, but appeasing'.

"Hello darlings, I'll keep this short. I'm Kol, Kol Mikaelson, I am 21 years of age, and I have what some people consider to be some sort of narcissism disorder or something. I don't know about the truthfulness of this, I mean, my mother always told me to be confident in myself, so that's what I am! But apparently these kinds of things run in the family. My parents put me here after they discovered they themselves couldn't curb my intense love for myself, I see no reason why they would want to, but I've decided I shan't care, as Tina Fey said, 'Do your thing and don't care if they like it'." With a final smirk, he sat back down; his legs casually sprawled out in front of him.

A man with blonde wavy hair, and a cynical expression stood. "I'm Niklaus, Klaus, Mikaelson. I am 24 years old. Yes, I am related to that unfortunate specimen beside me. I have borderline personality disorder. When Kol was moved here, my parents decided it would be a good idea to shove me into this dark, dark hole of a place to live out my days and suffer for all -"

"Okay, thank you Klaus," Matt interrupted calmly. "Why don't we just get through all the introductions? I just want to put names to faces and such. Then we can get into further detail." 'Niklaus Mikaelson – dark and holds resentment against his family'.

Klaus sat back down, shooting a sullen glance at the therapist. The raven haired and sharp eyed guy beside him stood, his arms crossed tightly in front of him, his eyes darting around the room, suspicious and accusing. "I'm Tyler. I'm 20 years old. I'm meant to have intermittent explosive disorder. This is the first-"

"-That's a lot of words." Kol rudely yelled out, cutting Tyler off mid sentence. A red flush of rage overtook Tyler's face as he looked to Kol. "I've never heard of that before. Why don't you tell us what interkitten exploding syndrome is?"

"It's intermittent explosive disorder you arrogant fuckwit." Tyler hissed in a strained voice between his teeth. "Don't fucking-"

"-Oh, you don't need to carry on, I think we get the message." Kol replied happily, oblivious or uncaring towards Tyler.

His face twitching and his nails digging into his fore arm, Tyler continued. "This is the first place I have been to." He abruptly sat down. 'Tyler Lockwood – doesn't take interruptions well, sailors mouth, take extreme caution in speaking to'.

"Before the next person introduces themselves, why don't we make a 'no interruptions rule'? Lets respect everyone, okay?" Matt once again suggested to the circle, although his look mainly focusing on a still unmindful Kol, his best placatory voice on. Everyone nodded.

"I'm Caroline. I'm 19 years old and I kind of have bulimia. I was in a clinic outside of town for 3 years, but my mom wanted me closer to home, so when more spots opened up here, we thought, 'why not'? So, yeah, that's me." Caroline chirped, fiddling with her platinum blonde waves in one hand, a genuine looking smile was plastered on her face. 'Caroline Forbes – appears to be in the correct mindset to recover, very optimistic'

The man with jet-black hair and piercing cyan eyes rose. "I'm Damon. I have narcissistic personality disorder. I'm 23 years old. This is the first place I've been to which, you know, isn't really a shock because I don't need mental help. But anyway, I'll also introduce you to my brother, you see, he's a bit sleepy, especially today, his head just keeps bobbing down with his larger-than-life hair-"

"-Damon, why don't we let your brother introduce us himself, I'd rather hear it from his perspective." Matt motioned for him to sit down, but Damon just stared back with an astonished expression painting his face.

"What happened to 'no interruptions' Doc?" His voice was the epitome of bewilderment. "Stefan can hardly hear through the gel in his hair and I just trying to help-"

"-Damon, sit down, I can introduce myself." A deep voice peaked.

Looking back at the man who had just spoken, Damon held his hands up in appeasement.

"I'm Stefan, I'm 20, I have had insomnia since I was 11. Since then I have only managed a few hours of sleep a night and was prone to violent outbursts and other things. I have been institutionalized since I was 17." His green eyes were weighted with dark purple rings beneath them, and he had thick tousled hair. He blinked heavily.

"Thank you Stefan." Matt, still being only young and a new therapist in training replied with relief in his voice over the avoided spat. 'Stefan Salvatore – immune to brother's annoyances, able to control him slightly, seems cooperative'.

"I'm Rebekah Mikaelson-"

"-JESUS CHRIST ANOTHER ONE?" Damon yelled out.

"And I have histrionic personality disorder." Rebekah carried on, ignoring Damon, clearly used to her narcissistic brother Kol. She spoke not slowly, but deliberately, as if she was building up to something. "I am 19 years old. I was born in in this country, in the Hamptons in New York, but unfortunately, I never got to see much of the beach, as I grew up in chains..." She paused dramatically. "I have been locked up in the basement of a mental asylum by my family since the day I was born."

"What the fuck?"

"We prefer not to call them asylums."

"Oh god."

"I knew this family was bat shit crazy."

Caroline's exclamation, Matt's correction, Elena's sigh, and Damon's summary all played out over each other in reaction to Rebekah's revelation.

"Please everyone, pipe down." Klaus randomly called out. They all looked to him. "Rebekah has a bit of a flair for the dramatics. Please let me assure you, she has not been in an, as she calls it, 'mental asylum' since she was born."

"Well it has bloody well felt like it!" Rebekah cried out, tears in her eyes but her nostrils flaring angrily.

But Klaus rolled his eyes. "Rebekah is implying that us as a family, and my especially as her brother, has kept her on lock down, but we have not had her chained up since she was born. We are just protective of our own."

"You have suppressed me my whole life! I have never been able to do anything fun or be with anyone because of you!" She replied, her voice thick with emotion over the injustice of her life.

"Okay, Bekah, we get it. Can't have boyfriends, life is sad." Kol joined the conversation. "Just in case anyone was wondering, she had been in a mental hospital for a year, was released, tried to elope at 17, eluded her family for two years, was found in some loser town called Mystic Falls where she was in a rather troubling situation, which we saved her from, as usual, then readmitted in the neighboring mental 'center', now with the rest of her siblings-"

"-Not Elijah and Finn." Klaus said grudgingly.

"Yeah, so anyway, thanks Rebekah," Kol shot his sister a sharp glance. "Anyway, can we get on with this? I'm famished."

Matt quickly noted down 'Mikaelson family highly dysfunctional' upon his note board, and looked up to see the next person introduce them self.

"I'm Enzo, I am 23 years old, I have never been to any sort of place like this in the past. I have been 'diagnosed' with major depression. I seriously doubt that any time with you lot will help with this diagnosis." Enzo seated himself, crossing his arms and staring sourly at the clock. 'Lorenzo St. Claire – depressive, dislikes other patients, doesn't think anything will help'.

"Cough, douchebag, cough." Damon feigned loudly.

"Cough, cocky egotistical arsehole whose brother probably hates him, cough." Enzo replied, without blinking. Damon shut his mouth. Stefan chuckled.

A small brunette with striking green eyes and a bored expression on her face stood. "I'm Hayley. I'm 18 years old. I'm meant to have 'passive-aggressive personality disorder'. I'm not here to talk about my feelings. I'm here because I have to be, so just know I'm outta this place in 6 months." She sat down and crossed her arms.

"Okay, well you can just talk when you're ready." Matt said assuredly. Causing Hayley to scoff and roll her eyes as a reply.

The last girl stood up, she had bronzed skin, deep emerald eyes, she was biting her lip, and her body posture was closed up and timid, but her faced showed another story, and she looked determined for what was ahead. "I'm Bonnie. I'm 21 years old. I have PTSD. This is the first place I have been to." And she sat. 'Bonnie Bennett – appears conflicted in how she feels, fearful yet strong willed.'

Well, that was everyone. Matt glanced around the circle to all the different faces. He smiled. They were difficult, but he was excited to try and help them all get better, that was his favorite thing about what he was trying to achieve, just helping people feel like they deserve to feel.

He grinned at them. "Well, that's everyone, I'm glad to meet you all-"

"Mr. Donovan, could I please just speak to you for a moment." Dr. Maxfield poked his head around the door, a smile on his face overshadowed by the grave look in his eyes. Matt felt an uneasy stirring in the pit of his stomach as he approached his boss. So when Dr. Maxfield whispered those dreaded words into Matt's ears and shoved the documents in his hands, it was no shock that he felt his heart droop and his eyebrows sink in stress.

The patients sat quietly, the quietest they had been since the beginning.

"He will be here any moment now."

Matt swallowed. "Doctor, with all due respect, but are you sure I am really the right person to send him to. I mean… I hardly have any qualifications…"

"That's because you are going to learn practically Donovan. This is exactly the kind of thing you asked for." His voice was ominous and unforgiving. Something on his waistband buzzed. "He's arrived."

Matt returned to his seat as the Doctor hurried off to retrieve the patient.

They were all silent for a moment, staring at Matt expectantly.

Damon cleared his throat. "So…" He started awkwardly. "Well if no one's going to ask, I will. What the hell was-"

Everyone's heads jerked up towards the double doors that swung open. Two white dressed nurses held a tall man by his shoulders and led him in towards the empty seat. The man, well he looked no more than ordinary, thick dark hair, fair skin, stormy grey eyes, and an unreadable expression on his face. The only thing that was truly striking about him was that he was dressed in a straitjacket, and accompanied by two nurses who didn't seem to be leaving any time soon. The minute Matt saw the new patient, the uneasy stirring in his stomach turned into a thunderstorm, and he could tell that there just was something extremely wrong with the particular patient, more so than the others.

They were all silent again, most staring at the new patient in horror over his restraints and security. Who the hell was this guy?

Matt could hear the blood pumping in his ears. He could hear his breath louder than any other sound in that moment. He could smell the sterilized clean air suddenly turn stagnant and suffocating. The tense bodies of the other patients seized up and around him.

They all stared at him.

The new patient.

But he took no notice.

"Aw, come on, Marcel, Genevieve- Gen, can I call you that?" The patient suddenly burst out, looking from side to side to his accompanying nurses.

They ignored him.

"Is the bondage really necessary? I mean," He wiggled around awkwardly in his seat, unmindful to the other patient's stares. "I can barely move-"

"That's kind of the point man." The tall muscly nurse spoke up with a bored expression in his voice, not even bothering to glance down.

The patient looked at him, sheepishly smiling. "But we bonded Marcel, we really did. You too Gen." They snubbed him. He huffed. "Oh my god, so dramatic guys, it's not like I'm going to get up and suffocate my fellow patients. I'm here to get better too guys. At least treat me like an equal."

The nurses shared uneasy looks between them as the patient batted his eyelashes. The redheaded nurse Gen eventually shrugged and unbuckled the patient out of the restrains. He sighed heavily, rolling his shoulders, cracking his neck and back, and smiled at her.

"I knew you were my favorite. Thanks Gen." He cooed.

She just sneered.

He turned his head and glanced over all of his fellow patients, his eyes blank, but lingering just towards the end, until they snapped back towards the therapist. He smiled broadly and widened his eyes, making his face look almost comical.

"Um," Matt started, coughing awkwardly, the other patients, including the uncharacteristically silent Kol and Damon, just watched. He had briefly read the patients information on the documents in front of him, and it wasn't good. "So, why don't you try introducing yourself to us. Your name, age, why you're here, and where you've been before?"

The patient nodded knowingly. "I got you."

He went to stand, but the nurses behind him clamped down on his shoulders, jerking him back to his seat. "No standing." The female hissed.

But the patient rolled his eyes. "Anyways, hi everyone, I was just recently transferred from a small town on the border of Washington state and Oregon, so I'm a long way from home. I was previously in a, as they like to call it 'recovery center' for almost seven years before I was transferred here. Or referred here, whatever you like to call it." His statements were vague and confusing and he wasn't making sense.

Matt swallowed. "Okay, that's interesting to know, why don't you tell us your name, age, and why you're here today?"

The patient made a face and turned to Hayley beside him with a 'can you believe this guy?' kind of expression on his face. She looked to him uneasily, her tough-girl façade completely gone. He turned back to Matt, his eyebrows raised and a tight smile on his face. "Uhh, I just told you why I'm here today, I was transferred slash referred slash 'banished' here from a small town on the border of Washington state and Oregon." His voice was slow, deliberate, and painful, like he was talking to a child. "But I'm 22 if any of you were wondering."

"Yes, but what I mean by 'tell us why you're here today' is telling us, your mental condition." Matt explained, feeling more and more apprehensive about the patient the more he talked.

"OHHH!" He yelled out, chuckling to himself viciously and sharply. "Why didn't you just say so? God, Matty the therapist, you got to elaborate more often if you want me to understand what you're saying. I'm a very literal person, don't speak to me in metaphors."

Matt felt his heart slowly sink. He never told the patient his name.

"I'm a sociopath."

The air stilled. Everyone felt the oxygen from his or her lungs dissipate as the patient affirmed the simple statement. Matt had never heard anything so, so quiet, it was almost piercing his ears, the silence.

"Predominantly," The patient carried on, heedless. "But apparently that's not a mental illness. I've been diagnosed by hundreds of people, who have said so many things. The main ones though, are; paranoid schizophrenia, panic disorder, anti social personality disorder, physical abuse, borderline personality disorder, you know I once got autism, but, you know, I can look people in the eyes so I don't know what that was about, uh, PTSD, mania, psychosis, blah blah blah. Yeah, so enough about me, what about everyone else?" He paused and glanced around at the room full of dazed faces. "Sorry I came a bit late, but I'm still committed to learning about all of you, so who's up for introductions?" He exclaimed zealously.

"Yes." Was all Matt managed to say. He was still trying to process everything. Matt was young and ignorant. He was new, and he sure as hell had no idea how to deal with that guy.

But no one said anything for a really long moment. Until one person did.

"You never told us your name…" A small timid voice said.

The patient looked at the girl. Something sparked in his eyes, and he smiled loosely. "That I didn't." He replied. "Tell me yours, and I'll tell you mine." He continued, in a hushed voice as though they were the only ones in the room.

"I'm Bonnie."

"Hi Bonnie. I'm Kai." He bit back a smile. "Why are you here today?"

Bonnie chewed upon the rubbery words in her mouth. "I have PTSD." She leaned forward in her seat. "Why do you think you're a sociopath?"

At that question, Matt knew he should've intervened.

Kai frowned, his blank eyes lying only upon her, everyone else was nonexistent.

"Why don't you try and guess?"

Bonnie licked her lips. "You think yourself to be a bad guy, an…. Antagonist. I think… you've done something bad, really bad. And you regret it. Regret the effect it has had on people, the effect it has had on you. The hurt. It's been a negative effect, and you've changed, and become desensitized to the world around you, and so you think that you actually feel nothing. But you don't. You feel regret, and have tried to block everything else away that came with it."

He breathed a grin. "Oh Bonnie, why, you're so, so wrong. It's the complete opposite." His smile dropped. "I don't regret it at all."

Panicking, Matt spoke up before Kai could continue. "OKAY EVERYONE!" All the patients but Kai, who kept his eyes trained on Bonnie, turned to Matt with startled expressions. "I think that's enough for today. Um, let me just-" He started rifling through the papers on his clipboard, eventually finding what he was looking for. "These are your assigned rooms, Caroline, Bonnie, and Hayley, will be rooming together in dorm 108. Rebekah, and Elena, you will be in dorm 109. Tyler, and Kol, you will be in dorm 210. Stefan, and Klaus, you will be in dorm 211. Damon, and Enzo, you will be in dorm 212. Kai, you will be alone upon recommendation in dorm 213."

Hayley, Rebekah, Tyler, and Damon, all let out muffled curses.

Matt ignored them. "I hope you all settle in easily enough. Free time today will be from 1 pm to 5 pm in the recreational room. Attendants outside will show you your dorms and your belongings and other amenities will be waiting in your rooms." Matt strained a smile. "I look forward to the time we will all spend together."

They all but ran out of there, probably excited to get away from each other.

After hearing from all twelve of his new patients, Matt was glad the group therapy session was over. On his clipboard, he looked down at some of the more prominent notes he had made;
-Kol Mikaelson – thinks his narcissism is self-love, quotes Tina Fey
-Damon Salvatore – sarcastic, cynical, fixated with brother's hair
-Rebekah Mikaelson – vies for attention (possible former child neglect?), hopeless romantic, begrudges family
~Mikaelson family highly dysfunctional~
-Hayley Marshall – denies want for help, present due to court order?
-Malachai Parker – thinks straitjacket is bondage, superficial friendliness, avoids questions, creepy, thinks he has 8 mental illnesses, thinks he is a sociopath, has no regret over past actions

Sighing, Matt thought that maybe Falls Mental Recovery Center wouldn't all be recovery, and added, 'Eventual dysfunction certain throughout group'.

But then he laughed to himself as he thought of a sarcastically awful pun; 'This group puts the fun in dysFUNction'.

Maybe Matt needed to check himself in there, or at least, at the end of the whole thing.

This may be quite a humorous and light first chapter, however the story will get darker a few more chapters in, with more serious themes as well as exploring different characters mental states and thoughts. Please review and tell me what you think if you can find the time. Follow and/or favorite if would would like to be alerted about the next update, and thanks for reading! X

Next Chapter - Split into two parts: one focuses on Caroline in her new dorm with her roommates, and the second focuses on Rebekah as she settles in and deals with her brothers.