I know I come late to this fandom. I KNOW but I finished the series just two days ago (finally!) And I'm just too broken-hearted! (sobbing in a corner) I wanted more, so much more! And that ending God, they might as well just have killed me with it! Did you see Merlin crying? Because I couldn't from my own tears! Damn!

I wanted to see Arthur and Merlin acknowledging each other as friends (and sorcerer or course) It was an amazing story, I laughed way too much, I cried a bit at some parts and overall Merlin and Arthur were the best friends. So this is just pouring my heart out to move on from such an amazing show!

Hope you like it, reviews are always welcome!

A/N: IMPORTANT! This takes place after season 3 when Morgana turns evil but with uhm, a change? Instead of Uther going in depression after Morgana he comes back at full force against Magic, calling Agravaine into the picture to help him with it. That's why we have Uther and Agravaine together along with Arthur.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, should I have I would have ended it SO DIFFERENTLY.

A/N (11-05-2020): I see a lot of new follows every day! Even now I still get a lot of updates on people favoriting the story or following it, please never hesitate to leave a review, even if it is in chapter 1, or when a chapter feels special to you, or if you want to wait until the last chapter and catch up, they are what motivates me, always! That being said I do hope you enjoy this story as much as I did writing it!

A/N: My first language it's not English, so I'm truly sorry for everyone who has read from the beginning and had to endure my learning process. I have gotten better trough the years and from time to time I come back to a few chapters to correct the grammar that now is obvious to me. So thank you for enduring and sorry for any future mistakes in your readings. That being said: enjoy!

"Once you know something, you can't go back to not knowing"

QUESTION OF MOTIVES

PART 1

Arthur woke up with a startle, something—or rather someone—had crashed inside his bedroom. The crowned prince was up on his feet, not even half awake with his sword raised before he could even process what was happening. This stance was a quest in of itself and only achieved because of his years of training.

He blinked several times as he tried to identify the cause of this rude awakening. What is it his father? Was Camelot in danger? Was he about to be murdered? When he spotted the cause of his loss of sleep, he shouldn't have been surprised; really, if he hadn't been still fighting the urge to stay awake, he would have rolled his eyes. In the dim light that came through the window, he saw his manservant pushing the door with all his weight. He was breathless and had the face he always wore when he (they)—that meant Arthur tagged along by principle—was(were) in trouble. It was—sadly— not uncommon to catch his servant in his quarters, when God only knows what time it was and God only knew what he was doing; but before Arthur could yell or say a quick remark, Merlin had dragged a chair against the door to keep it even more locked. If that was even possible.

Arthur waited all but two seconds to give Merlin time to deliver an explanation. However, when none was given except his manservant just wriggling his hands anxiously admiring his handy job, Arthur lost it.

"Care to explain what this means, Merlin?!" Arthur exploded lowering his sword.

"Eh… no, actually I don't." Merlin answered as he dashed passed Arthur and then glanced outside the window. He was murmuring something under his breath. Arthur had begun to lose the little patience he had with him.

"Merlin…" Arthur managed to say with a tinge of ominous danger in his voice.

Merlin turned on his spot and began pacing. Moving his hands trying to convey an idea that Arthur, by all he was worth, couldn't understand. "So, Arthur, say I go—umm, say I got into trouble."

"Trouble?" Arthur spat.

"Yeah… no, what if—no, no… just, ugh." He stopped on his tracks, watched Arthur, shook his head, and began pacing again. "God, I'm so stupid!"

"Merlin—" Arthur said in a slow and low voice, in that 'prattish' attitude his manservant was always calling him on. "I thought we had already stated that, what I don't understand is why you feel the need to wake me up at unholy hours to tell me so." Arthur had forgotten all about sleep and now he was actually smirking, if a little bit annoyed towards his friend. He eyed his sword, uh—maybe he could hit Merlin with the hilt of it.

"Remember that time? With Sophia?" Merlin suddenly asked as if Arthur had not spoken at all.

Arthur glared in return. They had agreed to never, ever, talk about that again. The thought of hitting Merlin grew by the second.

"Yes. Merlin…" He dragged the name as he finally threw his sword onto his bed and crossed his arms. Now, this was ridiculous. Arthur could sense no danger besides a soon to appear hole on the floor if Merlin kept pacing.

"Okay, well, remember when you wanted to go out with her? And Gwen, and the other women, and I covered for you?" Merlin finally stopped his pacing and turned towards Arthur. Arthur nodded, unsure of where this was going. "I need that favor back."

Arthur was a loss of words for a second before he hissed.

"You need a—I'm the Prince of Camelot. Merlin. I don't do favors…"

"Oh, like me saving your life wasn't a favor to you!" Merlin retorted.

Arthur answered by throwing a nearby goblet at him, and the idiot, after years of being subject to Arthur's behavior, only sidestepped it; however, the more Arthur watched Merlin, the more he realized something was indeed going on. Even if the banter was normal, the way Merlin kept looking like he was about to bolt certainly wasn't.

"Merlin, what in into seven kingdoms—"

A loud thud was heard on the door that made Merlin jump, a hand flew to his chest and he hunched a little where he stood. His blue eyes that shined dark in the eerie light closed like sending a silent prayer and if Arthur's imagination wasn't playing with him. Merlin was trembling in a rather warm night of summer. Merlin was behaving, well, so not Merlin that Arthur just stared at him with his eyebrows furrowed. Merlin looked like he was about to jump out of the window if Arthur wasn't there to stop him. Arthur had seen Merlin scared but not like this. The way Merlin was even watching Arthur. The prince didn't dare to go beyond the thought that was nagging him. Merlin was scared of Arthur, and Arthur refused to believe that. A moment later another thud was heard, louder this time.

"What is it?" Arthur turned his face slightly halfway to face the door but still facing Merlin, trying to figure his friend out.

"Sire!" It was his father's personal guard. Sir Percy. "Your father requests you immediately. A sorcerer has infiltrated Camelot. He wishes to see you with no delay."

Arthur didn't waste a moment to retrieve his sword and turned around, knowing why his manservant had looked so terrified now put Arthur at ease. Merlin was a coward at times. As he moved the chair to open the door, he suppressed a chuckle, leaving Merlin to try and keep himself safe. The idiot should have told him that from the beginning instead of stalling.

When he managed to pull the door open to let the guards in, he looked over his shoulder to glare at Merlin, but he wasn't there. He was about to call for him when the guard demanded his attention.

"Sire, your father is in the throne room waiting for you."

"What happened?" He asked forgetting about Merlin for a moment, maybe the idiot was so scared, he had decided to hide somewhere in his chamber. His mind supplied that it was something Merlin definitely wouldn't do, seeing how much the boy liked to put himself in danger—and Arthur on his toes—but as a red cloak appeared on his vision (supplied by one of the guards), he decided to ponder about his manservant later and focus on his father's request now.

Arthur closed the door behind him and ordered a guard to stay put, telling himself it was because he needed his room to be safe. He had all kinds of expensive things in it. His treasures were in need of protection, right? His mind pictured the gold, precious stones, rich tapestries, gold and silver goblets, and amazing trinkets that belonged to faraway lands. The guard wasn't stationed because of Merlin. He even scoffed. Of course not.

"A sorcerer was spotted inside the Castle, Sire." The guard supplied as they briskly walked to meet the king. As they passed, Arthur saw knights and guards scattering around the halls swords ready. "We believe he's still inside."

Arthur opened the door of the Throne Room unceremoniously, where he found Sir Leon along with his uncle Agravaine talking with quick hand motions with his father. At the sight of his son, Uther turned towards him, relaxing his stance upon seeing his son unharmed.

"father." Arthur acknowledged and then he cut to the chase, as he always did when at a loss of what to do, "Sir Percy told me a Sorcerer is in Camelot."

Uther nodded gravely. "It is true, I fear."

"How is that possible?" Arthur asked truly bewildered. A sorcerer in the castle? That was asking for a death wish. "Who saw him? Where?"

"That would be me, sire." It was his uncle who spoke. "I was doing my duty, checking the guards' night shift when I saw him. He was making—he was creating fireballs as he walked…" Agravaine shook his head. "It was magic, pure evil; your highness I assure you, and I dare say he's here with unsavory motives"

The last part was directed at Uther who had begun pacing at the mention of 'fireballs' and 'magic'.

"We will catch him, my lord." Leon promptly intervened. "There is a guard on every window, door, and the entrance of the castle as we speak, and every room is being searched."

It was at that moment that Arthur saw that his father was toying with something in his hand, whatever it was he knew better than to ask bluntly.

"And the gathering?" Agravaine questioned with his hands behind his back.

"Everybody within the walls of the castle is being reunited on the main hall." Sir Leon provided. "The reason is that a group of bandits has entered the castle."

"father?" Arthur questioned, waiting for an explanation. Uther instead turned towards Leon.

"Very well, once you are certain that every living soul under this roof is there, send word to us."

Leon nodded before leaving, his red cape waving behind him. Once he was gone, Uther turned towards his son, showing him what he had been turning on his hands just recently. Uther gave one last glance at it before passing it to Arthur almost in reverence.

It was a white-transparent stone or rock, small enough to be covered by his hand. He passed it to his other hand, feeling the edges and the coldness it radiated. Other than the cool temperature, it looked like a plain stone to Arthur. Why did his father glance at such a common, unimpressive stone with such nervous energy?

Arthur held it only a few moments longer. Sensing that the stone was not going perform a wonder, he gingerly handed it back to his father.

"What does the stone do?" He asked with curiosity. The prince was not stupid. The stone clearly had a special purpose. The way his father held the stone said as much.

"And why is everybody being reunited in the hall? I understand the need to keep them safe against a sorcerer, father, but I don't see how congregating all of the castle in one place is going to keep them safer."

Arthur chose to ignore the fact that his father had lied to the inhabitants of the castle in order to not raise panic. Reducing hysteria was imperative, he could understand his father's lie. Of course, having them all in one place would make it easier to protect but also hurt them. If the sorcerer was not apprehended and turned out to be a strong one, the castle and all those who inhabited it could be in deadly danger.

However, Arthur could handle danger. What he was not ready for was the storytime that followed.

"This stone, son, was retrieved a few weeks ago by the Knights of Camelot. While on patrol, they found a house of a sorcerer hidden in the woods. A two days ride from here." Uther was saying as Agravaine waited by the window. Arthur was dumbfounded. His father would go insane with his demands and was ruthless wherever magic was concerned. His calmness as he spoke about this stone's origins was the opposite of what he expected from his father. Instead of searching the castle himself, and ordering Arthur to catch this sorcerer, he stood serenely before his son. Arthur deduced that this stone was responsible for his father's strange disposition... "They brought back some items for Gaius to inspect. This sorcerer owned more things that just books. Apparently he owned precious stones, magic artifacts, and other fascinating objects. All of them were sealed in underground crypts. I feared that if they were left unattended, other magic seekers might try to use them for evil."

It was left unsaid, but the phrase 'In case Morgana seeks them…' wasn't lost on Arthur.

"What did Gaius say?" Arthur asked, even more aware of the stone.

"Nothing of importance," Agravaine assured the young prince as he turned from the window to face the king and his son,"He easily separated the items…. between the harmless and magical ones. Unfortunately, he couldn't decipher the stone, couldn't pinpoint its exact purpose. Thus, last week I set out on a quest to find someone who could… enlighten us."

There was a knock on the door before his Uncle could continue. Leon walked in, bowing respectfully. "Sire, we are ready for you."

"Very well," Uther turned towards Agravaine. "I entrust you with the guards and entrance of the castle. If anything should arise, inform me right away."

Agravaine nodded respectfully before leaving. Once again Arthur was finding himself quite restless that his father had talked without saying anything of what he wanted to hear, but he knew from past experiences that if his father had started this, he would finish it.

"Did Uncle Agravaine have any luck?"

Uther turned towards Arthur with a glimpse of darkness swelling in his eyes. His father had changed since Morgana had left. The darkened look was more familiar than Arthur wished. The darkness that shined in his eyes had not departed since she had betrayed them. Uther turned his sight towards the stone once again, and his eyes showed a moment of manic obsession that Arthur refused to acknowledge.

"Whenever a person with magic touches it, the stone will turn blue," Uther smirked darkly. "By the end of the night, we will have caught this sorcerer, Arthur, and soon enough anyone that dares to raise magic against Camelot and believes will go unpunished."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

As they were about to leave the throne room, Arthur excused himself, quickly assuring his father that he would return. He needed to get dress. There was little desire in either of the men for the inhabitants of the castle to see the prince shirtless and barefoot with only his undergarments and a red coat covering his strong shoulders. Uther agreed with a sharp nod, and they had parted ways.

He saw his door being guarded by the same two guards he had left and dismissed them by telling them they were needed in the Main Hall, then assured them that he will be there momentarily. He entered his room. Once inside, he hurried to change. Glancing at his sword, he grasped it firmly for a moment, he might need it for when the sorcerer was identified. As the thought of danger and magic and fights, his mind shifted to Merlin instantly.

He almost smacked his forehead. Of course, Merlin.

He looked all around the room, waiting for his servant to appear. It was very likely that he was already in the Main Hall. Then again, he could still be hiding in the room. He rolled his eyes. That seemed more likely.

"Merlin?"

Silence.

"Merlin, you still here?" He spoke a bit louder, and this time he received a muffled answer. It took a moment to decipher it, but finally, with a bit of doubt in him, Arthur walked to his closet and opened it, sword at the ready only to find Merlin grinning inside. His blue eyes sparkling and one of his hands waving from between his shirts.

"You—" Arthur sighed and rested his forehead against the door, lowering his sword once again. He wasn't even going to ask. "Get out. We need to be in the Main Hall in ten minutes before my father starts looking for me."

With Uther being so paranoid as of late, he had little doubt that he would send ten guards if Arthur dared to not show up in time. He turned to get his red tunic and brown breeches, then noticed that Merlin had not moved. He sighed tiredly as he threw his shirt on.

"So I see you do know how to change yourself?" Merlin said with a faint voice, and if Arthur had been paying attention, he would have noticed that Merlin was still throwing anxious glances at him.

"Merlin right now is not the time for your stupid jokes. Move." He urged the dark-haired servant. Arthur was looking for his belt. When he didn't find it, he turned towards Merlin for help, only to see that Merlin had moved out of the closet and sat looking at his feet rather than attend to his master's needs.

"Look, I don't know what is it with you right now, but we need to get going." Arthur hissed and then turned around on his heel. "Where is that damned belt?"

"On the top left corner drawer."

Arthur hummed sarcastically. "Maybe you are not the worse manservant in the history of Camelot."

He put his sword through the belt and without so much as a glance towards the mirror he crossed the room fully expecting Merlin to be behind him, just past his right shoulder like he always was. Arthur clenched his jaw when he found empty air. This was too much. With a hand on the doorknob, he called Merlin twice. Merlin did not even flinch.

Arthur sighed, incredibly annoyed that Merlin was throwing a silent tantrum at this moment of all times!

"Merlin, I swear to God," Arthur said marking every word to make himself clear. "That if you don't get your ass out the door right this second I will kill you."

Merlin didn't react, didn't answer back; he didn't even scoff or call him a prat and that alone spoke volumes that the situation was dire. Seeing this, Arthur walked a few steps back to see Merlin better and that's when Arthur noticed it, it was barely there. The scarce light made it hard to see but it was undeniable. Merlin's hands were trembling. His face turned away, rather interested in the closet door, his shoulders slightly shaking…

I dawned on Arthur that Merlin was crying.

Arthur didn't dare say anything for a moment, unable to comprehend what had put Merlin in this state. He opened and closed his mouth but in the end, nothing came out. It took a second longer before Arthur looked away and cleared his throat respectfully, choosing to stand a few feet in front of Merlin to try and give him some privacy. Merlin just kept staring at the closet door, pretending that he didn't notice Arthur or that he had been crying.

It was Arthur who finally gave up, almost reluctantly he crouched on his toes to be at the same level, before demanding, "Okay, what is it. Tell me."

Merlin shook his head twice, still staring at the wooden door like it was telling him the secrets of life. "You are going to kill me."

Arthur snorted and rolled his eyes. "Is this about the sorcerer? Did you find him on your way here? That is why you are so…unnerved?" He didn't want to call Merlin 'frightened' but honestly, that was exactly what Merlin looked at the moment. "Clot pole"

"Clot pole is my word… Clot pole."

Arthur shrugged. He waited patiently for his friend to keep talking but he soon realized that was as much as he was going to get. "Is this about what you were saying earlier? Something about covering for you?"

Merlin sighed anxiously before his eyes finally rested on Arthur's, looking deep inside his soul. Arthur wasn't sure what he was looking for, but he refused to look away. Merlin's blue eyes shifted to one or the other before he shook his head; whatever he had been seeking Merlin didn't find it. Since he cast his eyes to the floor once again, Arthur felt a tinge of pain and anger that whatever had gotten Merlin into this state, he didn't trust Arthur with it.

"What did you do? It's alright Merlin. I assure you, whatever you have done, no matter what it may be no harm will come to you. That I promise." Arthur didn't even need to pretend. Merlin: good, loyal to the bone. Merlin couldn't do anything wrong even if he tried, therefore whatever Merlin had done that he needed Arthur to 'cover' for him he would do. The idiot had probably stolen food from the kitchen or something of the like.

Merlin just nodded but Arthur knew he didn't believe him. Arthur sighed, truly bewildered at his friend.

"Merlin? We don't have time for this. There's a meeting of urgency in the Main Hall. Whatever this is, it can wait—now come." He put a hand on Merlin's arm to raise him up, managing just barely. Merlin swayed on his feet, steady eyes on the ground.

"I'm going to die Arthur." He said in a whisper so low that Arthur almost didn't catch it.

"You—you are not going to die, Merlin." Arthur was aware that his voice had a hint of desperation. This was escalating in his list of '10 times that Merlin had said stupid things' quite quickly. It would be seconds before a guard came barging in demanding his presence. Even worse, what if the sorcerer has already been caught and they were fighting? His job was to guard the life of the King. A duty he was failing at the moment.

"Don't you get it?" Merlin spoke as Arthur, who had began dragging Merlin to the door, stopped on his tracks. Merlin's voice had actually broken a little, and Arthur was trying very hard to not show that he was noticing how his friend was breaking in front of him.

"No, of course you don't." Merlin practically scoffed.

The way he spoke left Arthur with a feeling of something raw creeping into him. The way Merlin talked sounded like Arthur himself was betraying him instead of them betraying their king by not obeying direct orders. He sounded so detached… like he somehow had already seen his faith… and had lost. "If I go to the Main Hall I will die, Arthur."

Merlin shrugged Arthur's hand away as he went by the window and sat on the windowsill, head hanging low and hands tightly secured on his lap. Arthur turned towards him, slowly his brain trying to process what he had said. No. It… no.

There was just one reason and one reason alone that could end in Merlin's death dare he venture into the Main Hall tonight.

Merlin and Arthur locked eyes from across the room, and Arthur swore the gasp that was heard didn't come from him. He staggered two steps back, like if he had been hit in the stomach full force. His hand flying to the hilt of his sword for leverage. Merlin saw this and Merlin's blue eyes shined with unshed tears at Arthur's actions. He quickly looked away. Merlin was not angry, not even disappointed, he was just sad, depressed even and if Arthur was being honest a bit broken hearted.

Arthur had always thought Merlin was a man that could never be broken. Merlin was one of those people that had so much trust in their beliefs it was impossible to break, always showing that infuriating impish grin even at the direst of times, but now 'broken' was the only word that came to his mind.

"Merlin…" Arthur whispered, he took one step forward and he stopped. A sorcerer. He was walking towards a sorcerer.

Merlin. Merlin had magic. His idiot, friendly, loyal to the verge of being an annoying manservant had magic. Impossible. No. Arthur refused to believe so.

It was the only thought that repeated on his head, and Arthur shook his head adamantly.

"It's impossible, y—you? When—then…" Arthur wasn't even making coherent sentences anymore.

They stared at each other eyes, each of them looking for something in the soul of the other. Each of them looking for the resemblance of the men they wished they knew. Shared hope was being hunted by both.

A loud knock echoed around the door, and this time they both jumped.

"Sire!" The voice of a guard said from the other side of the wooden doors, "Your father calls for you in the Main Hall at once."

Arthur mumbled something incoherently, his eyes not leaving Merlin's form. Merlin's hands trembled on his lap, and he looked like if he could disappear he would gladly do so. He just shrank where he stood, his eyes wandering around the room frantically looking for a way out. Looking at everything and everywhere but Arthur.

Arthur realized Merlin was terrified.

"Sire?"

"Just a moment!" Arthur managed to say as his eyes strayed from Merlin to the floor. Arthur was sure, that in ten seconds flat, the guards would barge in thinking he was in trouble, maybe being retained by the so famous sorcerer or just because his father had ordered them.

It took him less than five seconds to get his resolve. He made a choice.

Very well! This was it!

Review if you please?

-Juliet'Lovestory-