~NIGHT SEVEN~
That Smelly Smell That Smells… Smelly.
"I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack!" ATF called into the pizzeria. "Man, sorry for the wait, guys! I would have been back sooner, but I had a situation involving a psychotic gerbil and 38 cans of whipped cream-" he paused, realizing all was quiet. "Um, hello? Anyone? Crap, my absence didn't cause everyone to abandon the story, did it?"
He walked into the security office, finding a note on the table.
"Dear Night Guard,
Mister Manfred M. Anager is on leave. Due to the pressures (and odd occurrences) that come with his job, he has signed up for therapy and will be spending time in Tahiti to recuperate.
He only asks that you keep the shenanigans to a minimum of 0, and the police will be checking up on the place each morning. A replacement manager will be by later on to fill in until his wits are back in order.
Until then, good luck on the investigation.
Sincerely, a therapist who may just afford that trip to Vegas! Cha-ching!"
"Wow. Snapped before Chapter 7… I wonder what happened in that last chapter?" ATF crumbled up the paper. "Oh well! Might as well prepare for the night!"
Whipping out a banana, a stuffed donkey, and a pair of high-heels, the author took off.
…I have no idea what he's planning, either.
~5~
Springtrap and Purple stood in the kitchen meanwhile- plotting an evil plot to take out ATF… while hoping Chica wouldn't come in and bust their heads for cooking on her turf. Purple at this moment was pulling something out of the oven, while Springtrap was putting icing on a dessert.
"…by the way, aren't you supposed to be a man?" Springtrap asked Purple. "I mean, what's with the Purple Freddy costume?"
"We're also rumored to be the same person. Any more questions?" Purple retorted.
"Forget it… Alright, I got the dessert done."
"Good…" Purple then took out a bottle of rat poison, pouring it over the dessert. "I hope that kid enjoys this meal… because it'll be his last!"
"…until he revives again."
Purple poked Springtrap. "He won't revive again, because we're going to lock him inside a springlock suit and keep him dead!"
"Why poison him? Why not just shove him in the suit and call it a night?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, how many times have YOU been able to catch that little crack-brained brat?!"
"…Fair enough."
"HEY! WHO GOT INTO MY CHOCOLATE STASH?!" Chica shouted.
Purple and Springtrap fled immediately.
~5~
Five minutes later, ATF re-entered the office, laughing. "Oh man, that was the best prank yet! I feel bad for anyone who missed out on that!" he cackled. He turned to the monitors. "I'm going to rewind the tapes and watch every detail all over again-"
He paused, sniffing the air. He turned, seeing a casserole and dessert sitting on the desk.
"…This seems like a trap," he rubbed his chin. "Ah, what the heck!"
He ate the casserole, chugging it down with a soda. He then turned to the dessert. "Alright! Triple-chocolate-mallow-explosion-of-diabetic-delight! My favorite!" He prepared to shove a spoonful into his mouth.
*gurgle grumble*
He dropped the spoon before he could take a bite. "Ohhh… better wait until this digests first…" he turned to the monitors. "I'll just watch the monitors till the feeling passes… Let's see, I was at the part where I use the banana as a-"
*gurgle*
"Ohhhh…" he hugged his stomach, taking a deep breath before looking back at the monitors. "Oh, mercy, that's a kick…! Okay, we're coming up to the part where I put the high-heels on-"
*grumble*
"Ohhhhhhhhh…" He slipped out of the chair, sitting on the floor while rubbing his stomach. "Something ain't settling well…" he peeked at the monitors. "Maybe I should skip to the part with the spontaneous music-numberrrRRROOOOOOOHHHHHHHH MY GOSH!"
He fell on the floor, arms around his stomach.
By this point, Springtrap and Purple ran in. "Yes! It's working! The poison is working!" Purple laughed.
"Poison? …no wonder my insides are at-war…" ATF muttered, weakly standing up.
"Um… Vince? He didn't eat the dessert," Springtrap pointed out.
"Did you put poison in the casserole?" Purple asked him.
"I thought you did!"
"What… was in… the casser-OH!-ole?" ATF asked, flinching as he held his stomach, now crossing-and-uncrossing his legs.
"Just some cheese, chicken (don't tell Chica), broccoli, cream of mushroom soup-" Springtrap was stating.
"BROCCOLI?! OHHHHH…!"
"What? Are you allergic? …PLEASE tell me you're allergic!" Purple asked.
"No… worse…!" ATF then dashed out, rushing past Freddy, Chica, Marion and Bonnie. "Move it! Outta the way! Gangway! Evacuate the premises!"
He ran past Pirate Cove. "Argh, not so fast ye brat! If ye try to pull another stunt tonight, shit's gonna hit the fan!" Foxy snarled, leaping in front of him.
"It's gonna hit SOMETHING if you don't move! Move it or lose it, Blackbeard!" ATF said, opening a portal and diving through, arriving at the bathrooms and racing in!
…
"…Should we tell him he just ran into the women's bathroom?" Bonnie asked.
"Um, night guard? Are you okay?" Freddy asked, knocking on the door.
"Clear the building guys, for the sake of your nostrils!" ATF called from outside a stall.
"Oh, this be ridiculous! Let's just keelhaul him while he's on the toilet!" Foxy exclaimed.
"Waaaay ahead of ya!" Springtrap said as he and Purple raced forth… with a flamethrower?!
"Whoa, hold it! What are you two doing with that flamethrower?! Why do we even HAVE a flamethrower?!" Gold demanded, racing up.
"…How do you think we keep those crazy furries away?" Springtrap retorted, then he and Purple burst into the bathroom!
"Guys! Seriously! Now is NOT the time!" ATF stammered in the stall.
"Save your breath, kid! You're going down tonight!" Purple snarled, then turned to Springtrap. "Alright, Springs- LET HER RIP!"
…
Those were the final words uttered before the catastrophe struck.
Ladies and gentlemen. What happened afterward went down as possibly THE worst thing ever to happen at Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria. The impact of such magnitude effected anyone within a 3-mile radius.
There was the sound of wind breaking, echoing loudly off the bathroom walls, so loud the whole building heard it- the whole town heard it- NASA's space-shuttles could hear it! It was so long, that no one knew when it would cease- five minutes went by and it was still going off like a busted foghorn. It set off car alarms in the next ten cities.
But the sound was just a warning. Only Mangle was wise enough to follow her instincts and rush out while there was still time.
The others were not so lucky.
The vapors seeped through the building like a toxic mist.
"What in the…?" Foxy asked, making the horrible mistake of taking a whiff of the air. "SWEET MOTHER OF DAVY JONES THE SINGER! *HACK!* *COUGH!* *GAG*"
"OH! OH THAT'S THE WORST THING I'VE EVER SMELLED!" Bonnie screamed, trying to shield his nose from the deadly stench, but it was too late. His sniffer was stained. "Breathe…! Can't… breathe…! *GASP!*"
"MY EYES! MY EEEEYYYYYEEEESSS!" Gold shrieked, his eyes burning from the vile odor.
"Grandma…?! Grandma, is that you?!" Freddy whimpered, lying on the floor growing delusional. "Granny, why is there no fresh air here?!"
"I'm GoNnA pUkE!" Marion gagged, dropping from the ceiling.
"How can we even smell this?! We're robots! We should be immune to- gack! Oh crud! It's in my mouth! *gack!*" Chica choked.
"SOMEBODY CRACK A WINDOW!" Foxy howled.
…
Alas, Freddy and the others only had to deal with the stink at that moment. As for Purple and Springtrap… well, they were right outside the stall when the flatulent-fiasco ruptured the pipes.
They were now stuck to the wall, blown back by the assplosion.
ATF wasn't even done yet. In fact he already had to flush the toilet five times. "Oh, shit… it's clogged!" he gasped, then hurried to the next stall to continue what he had yet to finish.
*THUD!*
Purple and Springtrap peeled off the wall. "We *cough cough* got to get out of here! *hack!* This gas will kill us all!" Purple gagged as they army-crawled towards the door.
"No shit, Sherlock!"
"Don't say 'shit'!"
*click!*
The two froze; during their crawl, Springtrap's elbow hit the trigger on the flamethrower, igniting just a tiny little flame.
"OH F-!"
*FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSHHHH!*
*BOOOOOM!*
[Insert live-action black-and-white clip of a giant mushroom-cloud explosion here]
…
…
…
…not even the narrator survived that… x_x
~5~
~After finding a replacement narrator while the other was put on a respirator~
It was near dawn when the cops were able to arrive on the scene, startled to see flames dying out here and there, the roof had been blown off and fell back on crooked… apparently Foxy used the upper-half of his body to break a window… and all the plants were dead and wilted.
"What the heck happened- HOLY SMOKES!" The chief gagged, covering his face after getting a hint of the lingering stench of ATF's broccoli-induced gas.
"Whoa! Smells worse than the bathrooms after Taco Tuesday!" the rookie gagged, waving his hat to help clear the air.
Donning some gas-masks, the two walked inside the building… finding a few areas were burned, the paint was completely off the walls, and all the animatronics had little X's in their eyes as they lay on the floor (or out the window in Foxy's case)
They came across the bathroom, where the door was blown off its hinges, all the stalls had collapsed, every single toilet was clogged, and Springtrap and Purple were- once again- implanted onto the walls.
Sitting on a toilet- slightly burned but still having the runs- was ATF, who was in the middle of reading the newspaper for the 107th time that evening. "…GAH!" he yelped. "Don't you guys ever KNOCK?!"
"Kid! What the heck happened?!" the rookie asked.
"Isn't it obvious? …Shit happened."
"N-Never mind… let's just get the fumigation squad here…" the chief groaned, walking out.
"While you do that, tell them to stop by the store…" ATF held up an empty toilet-paper roll. "It's gonna take another 10 rolls to get me through this!"
It was 10 AM by the time he was finished.
And no one ate dinner that night.
~5~
A/N: …Admit it. A fart joke was going to happen sooner or later!
…my apologies to the custodian who had to clean the toilets.
Please review. No flames- you saw what happened just now!