Disclaimer: I do not own Frozen
A/n: Well, this is the final chapter. I was considering not uploading tonight (I need to go into work tomorrow) but ended up finishing my final check so now I'm committed to this course of action. Also my knee hurts too much to sleep (I can't ice skate. Let's leave it at that). Anyhow, thank you all for reading, reviewing, favouriting, following, clicking only on this page and wondering what I'm saying etc - and to everyone who reviewed, thank you for taking part in a quiet experiment. I was rather curious as to what would happen if I didn't specify Rik's gender in the fic (I did have another reason for not specifying the gender). Apart from the realisation that it's bloody difficult to write about a third party without referring to them by pronouns or gender-specific details (or even to reply to reviews without doing it), I was intrigued to note that half the reviewers also avoided referring to a gender and those who did use a gender referred to Rik as male. I have much to think about now. Finally, hello to the person from Brazil! Hope everyone enjoys!
F) Dress
45) Ready
They are sitting together, arms and legs entwined, after the evening shift. Prosper has stopped whistling at them every time he passes, though he still makes the occasional gagging noise.
Elsa doesn't care.
It's a strange feeling.
She doesn't know if it's because of Rik or because of her decision or just because. She doesn't think it's only because of Rik – there's something liberating about knowing she can sit here and Prosper will make gagging noises because he likes her and likes the person Elsa wants to be with.
"So," Rik murmurs in her ear, "tomorrow's your last day."
She nods because she likes the feeling of the tip of her ear grazing Rik's lips. There's a part of her that's shocked at her behaviour but there's a bigger part of her that doesn't care about that either. She wants to feel free? Then she figures she can act like she is.
She wonders how much of this courage she's going to retain when she doesn't have Elle to hide behind.
She wonders whether the fact she pretends she has more courage than she does is something the old Elsa would do.
"Scared?"
She nods again, but this time it's because she doesn't want to vocalise it. When she glances sideways at Rik, she can see amusement on the thief's face that is slowly replaced by concern when it becomes clear that Elsa isn't being playful.
"You sure you wanna-"
She nods again and then shifts her head away slightly. "I have to. I have to do this sometime. And if I don't do it tomorrow, what's to stop me from always saying I'm not ready? I will do this. I refuse to run away anymore."
Rik squeezes her waist. "'S not really goodbye anyway, is it? After all, you're not going anywhere, are you?"
She knows it's meant to be a reassuring statement only but she still says, "I hope not."
46) Goodbye
But she can't help crying when several of the regulars at the Soup Kitchen come up to her to hug her goodbye and thank her for everything she's done.
They give her a carving of Arendelle and that just makes her cry a little more.
47) Crazy
Kristoff stops by the following afternoon.
"So," he says, "word on the street is that Rik's girl has up and left for the south."
She glares at him. "I'm not…" She trails off. "Oh, what's the point? I'm surprised Anna hasn't told you."
"You told Anna?"
"I forgot to tell her you already know, didn't I?"
"I dunno – did you?" His lips quirk. "Also, does that mean you are Rik's gi-"
"Shh! Tell the whole world why don't you?"
Kristoff jumps slightly before stepping into the room and closing the door.
"Geez, what's with all the secrecy? I mean, apart from you being unable to … oh. So, uh, how does Elle disappearing help with…"
She rubs her head. "Just ask Anna. I don't have the energy to explain the idea a third time." She looks at her papers for a few seconds before looking back at Kristoff. "Anyway, it's not for Rik. Elle's going because I need her to go."
Kristoff gives her a sharp look. "Should I ask?"
"I'd rather you didn't. No offence."
"None taken." She knows he's relived rather than offended. "So you never going back to that kitchen again then?"
"Uh…"
"Is this in the category of things I should ask Anna?"
"Yes."
"Alright then." He smiles. "You know, I used to think Anna was the crazy one of the two of you but I think you might both be as nuts as each other."
"Why does everyone think my plan is crazy?"
Kristoff just gives her a flat look.
"Point taken."
He grins and leans down to hug her. He hugs more often these days than he used to – probably Anna and Olaf's relentless enthusiasm has rubbed off on him. "I'm sure it'll be fine. I'll ask Anna what's going on. And if you need a hand, well, Anna hasn't nearly destroyed something for a couple of weeks so it is getting kinda boring round here…"
He walks out, still laughing.
48) Shy
They walk into the Soup Kitchen, Anna bounding ahead and Elsa a step behind, hands clenched, wearing her ice dress. This will work. Anna knows what to say. She'll pretend she got interested and-
People gasp and mutter and jerk as they try to remember the proper way to greet her. Anna looks around.
"Wow, that escalated quickly," she mutters. "Hey, you can all sit back down. We came to, uh, volunteer."
An old man – Niko – gapes at them. "You what?"
"Elsa wanted to volunteer but she was too shy to go by herself so I came with her." She pauses. "Wait, I meant to say that a lot quieter. I mean, she just wanted some company. She totally could have come by herself. She's not shy at all."
Elsa puts her head in her hands. "Anna…"
Anna turns to her, hands on hips. "C'mon, short of you coming down here in disguise, how'd you think we were gonna get in here without people noticing?" She ignores Elsa's glare. "So, uh, where's the owner?" She turns to Borni and Prosper. "Hey, I think we're looking for, um, Rik?"
Borni is simply staring at Elsa while Prosper is clearly trying very hard not to laugh. Finally, Borni says, "Uh, yeah. Hold on your, er, Highness. And Majesty. Um, Rik?" She turns to the door that leads to the kitchen. "Rik? Some, ah, some volunteers to see you."
After a few seconds, the door opens and Rik steps out, grinning; for a few moments, her heart races. She hasn't seen Rik for over two weeks – not since Elle "left" for the south.
"Your Majesty, 's great to see you again. And your Highness. We've not met. I'm Rik Madaki. So Borni says you wanna volunteer?"
Anna turns to Elsa with wide eyes that clearly say, You're telling me this is Rik?
Elsa coughs loudly as she says, "Uh, yes. Well, I do. I made Anna come with me. I was very impressed with what I saw when I came here a few weeks ago and I thought, why not help? Practice what I preach? Because what you're doing here is very important and it will help me get a better insight into what needs to be addressed in my kingdom. Uh, Anna, you can stop laughing at me now."
Anna is laughing, and she snorts as she says, "Sorry, you just sound so formal. She's telling the truth though. She wouldn't shut up about this place for the last few weeks. Months actually." Which is an exaggeration but if it helps her appearance – so soon after Elle's disappearance – seem more like a coincidence, she'll take it. "So, uh, yeah, apron us up, Rik. What can we do to help?"
"Either of you ever cut vegetables before?"
"Yes," Anna says immediately. When Elsa looks at her curiously, she shrugs. "It's not like my schedule was jam-packed when we were growing up. There's a reason I've got an in with the kitchen staff. Apart from me stealing cake from them. Not that I do that a lot 'cause, you know, people shouldn't steal cake, especially not princesses, even if it does look tasty." She looks around as Elsa's cheeks tinge with warmth. "Hey, is it always so quiet in here?"
Rik grins at Elsa and Anna. "I like your sister, Majesty." As Anna beams, the thief looks around and bellows, "What is it about the Queen that makes everyone gawk? Get back to eating, the lot of you. Tali! Tali, get out here and take our new volunteers to cut vegetables."
A few people seem disappointed that neither Elsa nor Anna is going to be out serving soup but Elsa is glad. She doesn't want people to hear her voice and peg her as Elle. Plus she'd forgotten how self-conscious she feels when she's the Queen in public. She follows Tali into the kitchen, wondering how Tali and any other volunteers in there are going to react to her. She might have revealed herself before but they've had time to think, and now she's dressed and acting like the Queen, with the Crown Princess beside her so-
Tali turns and hugs Elsa as soon as the door is closed.
"You're crazy," she says in an admiring tone, taking a step back from Elsa and looking her up and down. "Completely, utterly, one hundred percent off your rocker. I can't believe you're actually doing this."
Elsa grins shakily, relieved beyond words that Tali is treating her normally – and a little surprised that Tali will hug her even knowing that Elsa can freeze people and items. "I'm nothing if not committed. Besides, I spent the best part of a year walking around in a disguise so this is nothing compared to that." Anna makes a noise. When Elsa turns, she finds her sister staring at her. "Anna?"
"Sorry," Anna says, "I think I'm missing something. I thought it was just Rik who knew…" She trails off. "Wait, do all the volunteers know that I know?"
Udmund, from behind a nearby table says, "We do now."
Tali turns red. "I just … everyone knows how close you two are." She pauses. "Uh, your Highness?"
"Don't. If you're on hugging terms with Elsa, you might as well call me by my name." Anna smirks and then frowns. "Anyway, lemme get this straight. All the volunteers knew you were Elle?"
"Yep," Tali says. "Well, for all of three weeks. Your sister wasn't that chatty about her life."
"And despite this, you still said you needed me to help you pretend you'd only ever been in here once before."
"I, uh, only told them after I asked you for your help. But me coming in by myself just doesn't work. You know you're the more likely of us to decide to volunteer here."
"But I didn't decide to volunteer here."
"Anna, if you want to go home-"
"That's not what I'm saying. I'll help. I wanna help, if I'm here anyway. I just mean … this entire plan sounds like something I'd do so I think you coulda done it without me. But I'm totally gonna help: nobody in the castle ever lets me near sharp things."
Tali looks at Elsa with some concern in her eyes. "She's joking, isn't she?"
"No," Elsa says as she walks over to Udmund. "Longstanding rule – Anna's forbidden to go near anything sharp in the castle."
"She is? There isn't a good reason for that rule though, right?" She watches as Elsa stirs one of the pots. "Right? Right?"
0(xi)) Rule
"OK, new rule. You're not allowed near sharp things anywhere."
"It's not that bad."
"Anna, your palm is covered with blood."
"I've done worse."
"Oh God, I hurt the Crown Princess."
"It's her own fault. Anna, hold still and let me bandage it, will you?"
"It's fine."
"You're going to bleed in the soup."
"Oh. Fine then."
49) Meeting
Elsa and Anna help in the main hall towards the end of the evening, with Anna quickly striking up conversations with several people, and Elsa more quietly picking up bowls. She thinks about making conversation as well but it suddenly feels awkward. Instead, she smiles at people and thanks them when they pass her empty bowls. At one point, she compliments someone on their necklace, as a passing comment, and is rewarded with a shy smile and a "Thanks, Majesty".
Once the last patrons are gone, they return to the kitchen to help clear up. Rik is there but doesn't rush up to kiss her, and she's glad. For some reason, it would feel awkward in front of Anna – she doesn't know if it's because she feels she should be more adventurous than she is, or less. But they occasionally bump or touch hands or arms or faces, and she's glad for that as well.
She lets Rik and Anna talk. She knows Anna wants to check for herself what kind of person the thief is, and she knows Rik wants to get to know Anna, and she doesn't want to interrupt that. Instead, she turns to the other volunteers and talks to them. Some of them, like Borni and Margarete, are clearly fazed by her being there as the Queen but others, like Tali, Prosper and Udmund aren't bothered at all. For her part, she tries not to act any differently to the way she normally would.
Finally, Tali makes a comment about going home, and Elsa says that she and Anna should make their way back.
"With or without Rik?" Borni asks.
Anna looks sharply at Elsa. "Do we, uh, do we need Rik?"
Elsa tries to look at Anna as she says, "Rik usually walked me out of the docks when I was Elle. But with me like this … you know, with everyone knowing I can freeze them…"
"No, no, let's take Rik." She turns to Rik. "C'mon, you can show us out. Elsa's useless at directions."
And that statement tells her that Anna has accepted the thief.
"Sure thing. Lemme grab my cloak." The thief walks by them and, absent-mindedly, gives her a peck on the lips. She glances at Anna, who only smiles.
50) Impression
"So? What did you think?"
Anna thinks for a few seconds. "Well, I don't think Rik's gonna try to kill us." She shrugs. "Seems nice enough though I'm not sure I can see whatever it is you see. But you two wouldn't stop staring at each other for the entire time we were in that kitchen." She grins as Elsa blushes. "That's good enough for me."
She squawks as Elsa hugs her so tight, she practically crushes her ribcage.
0(xii)) Respect
"Is it true?"
"Is what true?"
"You volunteered at that soup kitchen."
"Yes."
She looks around the room at the familiar faces of the nobles, all wearing a similar expression of surprise. She expected this to be brought up. All she's heard about all day is her and Anna's trip to the docks last night. If this is their reaction to that, she doesn't want to know what the reaction to her and Rik's "friendship" will be.
But, suddenly, she doesn't want to wait for them to get their heads around it. There are more important things to discuss.
"Is there a problem with that?" she asks in a neutral tone.
"Your Majesty, you are free to do as you please, of course," Earl Voolf says hastily. "But I wonder if you have the time to dally in soup kitchens."
"Did I miss anything that couldn't wait until today?"
"Well, I don't know your timetable so-"
"If you don't know my timetable, how do you know better than me whether I have enough time, my lord?"
"I mean-"
"Is there a problem with me volunteering at the soup kitchen, my lord?"
"Your Majesty, with the greatest respect, if you go to that kitchen, you tell the people that they can walk all over you. You take away the barrier between you and them – they won't respect you or your position. They'll just see you as theirs and make constant demands of you, and expect you to keep them."
"Hold on," she says, "Let's break this down, my lord, if you don't mind. Your first concern is that they won't respect me. They will be rude and uncouth and demanding. To me. The person who has the power – and has demonstrated that power – to freeze the entire country and change its climate?"
"Well-"
"Is that your concern, my lord?"
His cheeks flush and she has to stop herself from staring because she has never, in the entire time she has known him, seen Earl Voolf blush. "Yes, Majesty."
"OK. Noted, thanks. You may or may not know that public opinion of me is that I'm dangerous but that I still care about this country. I suspect people will remember that I nearly killed them." Her voice somehow doesn't trip over her words but her hands are clenched under the table. "Moving on to your second concern – you're worried that, in general, people won't see me as different to them? Or that they won't venerate me?"
"Majesty, I'm saying they won't respect you."
"Fine. Why?"
"Why?"
"Why would they not respect a ruler who is willing to come to them, to talk to and with them, and to help feed them?"
"Because they won't see you as being different from them."
"My lord, do you respect everyone in this room?"
"What? Yes, of course I-"
"Then why would the people in the docks be different? Why wouldn't they respect other people, even people who are their equals or superiors? Why would they view me as worse if I actually speak to them?"
He's glaring at her now.
"Moving on," she says, "to point three. That they might make demands of me – should I not listen to people with questions for me? Why should I listen to you and let you tell me what you think I should do but not them, my lord?"
"Because I … I know what I'm talking about, Majesty."
She just gives him a flat look. "Acknowledged, my lord." After a few seconds, she says, "I appreciate that I need respect and power in order to effectively lead but I don't agree that volunteering at a soup kitchen every so often and speaking to people in my capacity as ruler will prevent this. Does anyone else have any objections?"
A few nobles frown but nobody says anything. She carries on the meeting as normal. At the end, as she often does, she lets the nobles leave first so that she can gather her papers together. After about a minute, she becomes aware of someone standing next to her, and she turns, expecting Earl Arnesen.
Marquess Elbert looks down at her, his expression unreadable. For some reason, she feels a little like a chastened child, though she doesn't know why. Maybe it's because he was one of her father's closest advisers. Maybe it's because he so often acts as mediator in these meetings and what she did to Earl Voolf-
"You were very firm with Carsten, Majesty."
She forces herself to maintain eye contact as she says, "I gave him the opportunity to defend himself, my lord. I have no interest in preventing him from speaking, but I have no interest in following his every whim either."
He studies her for a few seconds before saying, "I didn't accuse you of anything, Majesty. Do you think you need to justify your behaviour?"
She nearly retorts that it is this type of conversation that the earl seems worried about people in the docks having with her – where they challenge her and speak to her as though they have the right to question her. But then, isn't that what she wants people to do?
Has she always been this defensive?
"Everyone needs to justify their behaviour, if only to themselves, my lord," she says slowly. "If I can't justify what I do, how can I do it?"
A slight smile appears on his face. "Indeed, Majesty." He holds his hand out. Uncertainly, Elsa takes it and he helps her stand, even though she's perfectly capable of doing it herself. Sometimes, court manners baffle her. "Do you intend to keep Carsten on this council?"
"Yes."
"But you disagree with him over everything."
"And if everyone agreed with me, how would I know I've taken everything into account? I don't like him, my lord, but he raises some valid points. He lets me know what limits I have in respect of people like him. He reminds me that not everything I want to do will be accepted by everyone."
He nods. "You really are your father's daughter." Although she doesn't say anything, he seems to be able to tell some of what she is thinking because he says, "Your father made some terrible mistakes, Majesty, but it doesn't mean everything he did was bad. He wasn't a bad man."
"He wasn't necessarily a good one either." She can't keep a trace of bitterness from her tone – the memory of her conversation with Anna after she revealed herself to the volunteers is too raw.
"Is anybody, Majesty? I rather think we're all just people."
She starts to nod but then thinks of her sister, who ran onto the fjord to sacrifice her life for Elsa's; Rik, who tried to mug her but ended up hugging her and starting a soup kitchen; Kristoff, who went out of his way to save Anna; Gerda, who brought up Anna as best she could; Borni, who quietly counsels every person she meets despite the rigours of her own life; Earl Oddfrid Arnesen, who donates to the Soup Kitchen because you don't need a reason to help people; Viscount Semund, who came to her because he knew she would do the right thing. All of the people she's met who could have done the wrong thing but didn't.
Even her parents, who broke her into pieces, because they loved her and wanted to protect her. Who did do the wrong thing but for the right reason. She can be angry at them, and want to be different from them, and even think they weren't always good people, but she doesn't know that she can ever hate them, even if she wants to.
"I think," she says slowly, "that if that's the case, then most people are pre-disposed to be good. Even Carsten was concerned for me, in his own way."
"That's a remarkable amount of faith you've placed in the human race, Majesty."
"If I didn't have faith in people, my lord," she says, "then I'd live my life in distrust and fear." She smiles. "I won't be doing that anymore."
He considers her for a few seconds before smiling.
"Good," he says.
51) Barrier
She returns to the Soup Kitchen a few times in the following weeks, as she argues with Carsten and the other nobles about what the rent control law should do. Anna comes with her once or twice but mostly, she goes alone.
Despite Earl Voolf's worry, most people at the Soup Kitchen are very aware that she is the Queen, and she finds it hard to simply make conversation. It frustrates her for the first couple of visits until Tove reminds her that she was almost as shy when she was Elle and first arrived at the Soup Kitchen – but people saw her as one of them then (much as she hates for there to be sides in this at all) and were willing to start the conversations for her. Which means, she realises, that the main difference is that the burden of proof has shifted: they view her as different so she needs to prove that she is as normal as Elle was. She needs to prove she won't kill them.
She might know that rationally but she still doesn't manage a full conversation until the end of her third visit.
But, when she does do it, she realises she can.
Her realisations probably mean something profound but she's damned if she knows what.
Her time with the volunteers is also subtly different. They are still friendly and chatty but she notes they're a little more guarded, a little more careful not to criticise royal policy when she's nearby. They still do because Rik proves she won't mind by starting a debate about one of her recent policies, but she knows they will never be fully open with her again.
But after having her full conversation on the third visit, she wonders if, like her shyness, this lack of openness is something that isn't unique to being the Queen. After all, she was never fully open with them as Elle. And she can tell that each of them has secrets and fears that they hide from each other, in the same way that she can see how hard Rik works to appear whole. There was always a barrier between them when she was Elle – the barrier is simply different now that she isn't.
And even if that isn't the case, maybe it's OK anyway – because they're still there for her, still accepting of her, still a little like family.
Rik is an entirely different story. With Rik, any change isn't born from differences between the Queen and Elle – it's from discovering new things. It's with Rik that she thinks she's learning the most about who she is. Because there are times when she is bold and adventurous, making conversation she'd never have made before, touching and kissing in ways that she would never have dared to do before. There are times when the Rik she saw when they made this plan shines through and she holds and comforts the thief in a way that she would never have trusted herself to do before. And then there are times where the opposite occurs – her new-found boldness with her body and Rik's body disappears and she steps away, terrified and ashamed, numb to Rik's it's fine and blinking rapidly as she shakes; she holds herself back when she speaks, scared to say the wrong thing; she feels lost and overwhelmed and it's Rik who has to search for her.
They're sitting together in Rik's office in the warehouse when Rik says, "D'you still have bad days?"
She's talked about her bad days before to Rik, once or twice, though never in as much detail as she has with Anna. She doesn't know if that inability to go into that much detail, even now, is a good or bad thing. Maybe it's neither. Maybe it just is.
"Yes," she says. "But less often." She looks down at their hands, enjoying the sight of dark and pale skin entwined. "You?"
"Yep." Rik's head droops onto her shoulder. She doesn't kiss it, like Rik would if it were the other way round – she's still trying to work out what is acceptable and what isn't. "Does Anna get 'em?"
"Not the way I do. She has bad dreams though but she doesn't like to talk about them. And she's scared of the dark now. She's never said it but she always keeps her door slightly open, and she never closes her curtains. And once, some torches blew out and the room was completely dark – she held my hand so tightly, it actually bruised." She keeps looking at their hands. "Kai said she wasn't like that before."
"Your sister doesn't seem to be scared of anything."
"I sometimes think my sister hides as much of herself from others as I do." Quietly, she adds, "I hate that that's my fault."
"Elsa-"
"Anna would never say it but it's true. My parents ignored her to focus on me and I ignored her, so she acted out to get attention. Fine, a lot of that was my parents. But I maintained the status quo and I froze her. I made her run after me."
Rik shifts away to look at her, green eyes serious now. "D'you still blame yourself for freezing everything then? 'Cause I heard you talk about it a few times."
"Well, I … I did do it, didn't I? I accept that I need to move on from it but there's nothing anyone can say or do that won't convince me that I didn't nearly kill a whole country. I mean, it happened – how can I run away from that?"
Rik studies her for a few seconds.
"Hey, lady?"
"Hmm?"
"Anyone ever tell you that you're crazy?"
"With alarming frequency. I think they're joking though."
Rik just laughs, hugs her, and says, "Wasn't all that long ago that being told that made you shut down, was it?"
She wonders when that changed.
0(xiii)) Value
They face each other, neither of them so much as glancing away.
"You want me to consent to this, Majesty?"
"You're the only member of this council who hasn't, my lord. The legislation has been amended several times over the past few months."
"And that's a reason for me to sign?"
"No, but I have enough approval that I will be passing this law in the form now presented to you. We've modified it as far as we can in line with concerns raised by all members of this council. It grants substantial freedoms to landlords and provides subsidies to them. You are the only person who has opposed this in any of its forms."
He meets her gaze resolutely. "Majesty, your honest opinion if you will – you know I'm against this rent control law. Maybe you're right and we should do more for people in the docks – that shouldn't be through curbing investment and bringing in stringent market regulation. If we suppress rent, landlords are less likely to care for their properties or even rent them out – that helps nobody and only worsens the situation. People should be encouraged to earn their way out and not rely on handouts." As Earl Arnesen opens his mouth, he adds, "You're going to pass this law anyway. Do you value my vote or my opinion more, Majesty?"
"Your opinion, my lord."
"Then I refuse to sign, Majesty."
She nods, expression neutral. "The law is passed in its current form, nine council votes to one."
She sees Earl Arnesen and some of the other nobles grin and clap – possibly more because of the tortuous process of getting to this point than anything. A few of the more conservative nobles look resigned as she hands the draft to a scribe.
At the end of the meeting, as she packs up her papers, Earl Voolf approaches her. Marquess Elbert wavers but she waves him out of the room.
"My lord?"
He considers her carefully. "You said you valued my opinion more than my vote, Majesty." She nods slowly, wondering what his problem is now. "Out of interest, what would you have done were I the tie-breaker vote?"
"I doubt you would have been the tie-breaker, my lord. I'd have had to convince someone else."
He smiles at that, which surprises her. "Good point. But hypothetically, what would you have done?"
She's about to say the obvious – not gone through with it – when she realises that that wouldn't have been enough. Would she have been able to go back to the Soup Kitchen and look people in the eye after letting six rich men tell her she couldn't pass a law intended to help them?
But she's always said that she doesn't want to impose her will on people. She wants them to be heard. Otherwise how is she different from before?
And maybe this is exactly the dilemma she's had since the Thaw – the Queen would have forced that law through because she had the power and that was what she always did; Elle would have listened because she was powerless and open to all arguments. But neither option would have been the right one. Not for her.
"I said I valued your opinion over your vote," she says, "but that's not true. I gave you a vote and I value your opinion through your vote. I wouldn't have passed the law. But," she says, holding a hand up to stop Earl Voolf from speaking, "I wouldn't have dropped the subject either. I would have looked into the matter more, gathered more evidence, heard more voices, and only given up if I was convinced it was the wrong thing to do."
"Even though a majority of us would have said it was?"
"A majority of ten nobles sitting on my council, my lord. That's hardly representative of the country."
"So you, what, want the whole country to vote on everything you do? Have everyone in Arendelle sit here and discuss commas and conjunctions?"
"I want to know that I've spoken to as much of the country as I can, my lord. In this case, I've spoken to the council and I've spoken to the people in the docks. I didn't speak to many people between the two layers – I would have spoken to them next. But I would have weighed everything up and made the final decision."
He seems to think about this. "So, this is to be your campaign, Majesty? To be a hero of thieves and beggars?"
"I am as responsible for the thieves and beggars as I am for the nobles. I can't take sides, my lord."
"Haven't you already?"
"I don't believe so. At first I thought most of you were against me but, actually, only you, Veljor and Narve were completely opposed to the idea in its entirety. Achim, Styrme and Filemon were against the idea as I envisioned it but said they'd consider an alternative proposal. Giermund thought the idea itself was fine but my method wasn't. I think, had I concluded that actually, yes, most of you were against it, I'd have reconsidered. But you weren't."
He nods, studying her carefully. "Well, Majesty, I can't say I agree with your position. At all. But you know what you want to do and how you want to do it. I can respect that." A smile tugs at his lips. "It's been tough for you, hasn't it, this past year and a half or so?" When she gapes at him, he says, "There are some people out there who expected you to come out of the events of last summer as a ready-made queen. But something like that? It breaks you and you have to force yourself back together, in one way or another. I'll confess to thinking you – as a woman, and being the way you are – would never manage it. But I was wrong, I'll admit that now. You pieced yourself together quicker than most men I know would have done."
"My lord, I … I don't…"
"With me, on this topic, you can be honest, Majesty: I don't view it as weakness. I may not have done an honest day's work by your standards but that doesn't mean I don't know what it is to suffer."
For a second, they look at each other. He's always worn his feelings plain on his face before and now…
Maybe a bigot does have as much in common with her as a Queen does with a thief.
Quietly, she says, "I'm still piecing myself together, my lord. I don't know that I'll ever stop."
"With all due respect, Majesty, I think you've mixed up changing and piecing yourself together. You'll never stop changing, Majesty, because the man who doesn't change is the man who dooms himself." Ironic, for a noble who's so conservative, she thinks, but from the look in his eyes, she suspects he knows that. "But that's not the same as needing to piece yourself together. You can change without ever falling apart."
"You're not about to say you've been testing me, are you?"
He actually laughs at that. "No, Majesty. I disagree strongly with your position as you well know. What I am saying is that I respect how you made your decision, and how you've dealt with what happened. And I'm not a man who gives respect out easily."
She thinks of all of the long, painful meetings she's had with him and says, "I can believe that."
"I'm not looking for pity either. People like us never want pity." His smile is bitter then. He bows. "By your leave, Majesty."
"You may go. And my lord?" He looks up. She smiles – maybe the first honest smile she's ever given him. "Thank you. For noticing. And for not compromising anyway."
52) Proud
There's a knocking on her door. She expects Anna, despite the unfamiliarity of the pattern – who else would it be? – but when she opens the door, it's Gerda who's standing there.
"Hello?"
"I thought you were in here. Why?"
"Um…" Elsa looks at the book on her bed.
"Didn't your law get announced today?"
"Yes, but I don't see why that means I can't have a night in."
"Won't your friends want to celebrate with you?"
There's a part of her that loves how familiar Gerda now is when she talks to her. Gerda isn't, and will never be, her mother, but she's definitely something.
The old Elsa would never have let her be this something. But nor would the Queen or Elle.
Maybe Earl Voolf is right. Maybe there is something of her there, pieced together from the fragments of before and the fragments of after, even if she can't quite see the full picture.
"My … friends?"
"The ones in the city?"
"I don't know that I know the people in the Soup Kitchen that well."
Gerda gives her a hard look. "So where were you sneaking off to if not the city?"
"What?"
"You sneaked out of the servant's entrance one to three times a week for nearly a year now – and then stopped when you started volunteering at the Soup Kitchen."
"You knew that was me?"
"Of course I knew, Majesty. I know how many servants we have in this castle. Who do you think's been covering for you when people have been looking?"
"But you never said!"
But even as she says it, she remembers a conversation from nearly half a year ago, where Gerda told her about the state of the servants' entrance. Obviously, Gerda knew. She feels stupid for not realising before now.
Gerda knew and didn't tell anyone.
"I was going to," Gerda says, oblivious to Elsa's realisation, "but then I started noticing that you walked with a spring in your step more often, you were more confident, happier. So I left it." She gives a squeak of surprise when Elsa hugs her. "So," she says again, "why aren't you out there?"
"I wanted this law passed but it's just the start. And … if I go down there today, people might start cheering me, or thinking that I want them to cheer and thank me. That's not why I did it. So I'll wait a few days and then go."
"You don't want people to thank you for fighting for them? To show their appreciation for it?"
She smiles wryly. "It's a funny thing. My parents were never critical of me but I was so convinced I was a failure that I find it hard to take a compliment. No matter what good thing someone says about me, I always find a reason to convince myself it isn't true. So maybe what I really want is to be sure that they're thanking me because they appreciate it."
"That makes sense." She looks at Elsa. "I know you don't want to hear it but your parents would be so proud of the way you've grown, Majesty. They really would."
There are a lot of things she could say to that but, for once, she just says, "Thank you."
54) Appreciation
When she enters the Soup Kitchen, people stop and stare. Then old Niko comes up to shake her hand and it starts a deluge of people shouting out to her, shaking her hand, clasping her shoulder. It's a bit over the top because the law is only half of what she initially envisioned. But she knows, from what they say, that it's not the content of the law that they are cheering but what that law means. Her intentions – already the subject of great discussion over the past year – are definite now.
The volunteers are, conversely, more subdued and she thinks it's because this, if nothing else, reminds them that she is someone with power rather than an eccentric young woman. Even Prosper is oddly quiet around her. But it is Udmund – quiet, nervous Udmund – who comes up to her and hugs her, and it is that act which breaks the ice.
And finally, she is alone with Rik, who holds her hand with surprisingly slender fingers and kisses her with lips that are cut by that awful scar, and who simply whispers, "Thank you. For the dress. And for everything after."
55) Tragic
"So everyone loves you," Anna comments. "In case you're wondering. Except some landlords and nobles. They think the ice froze your brain."
"They might be right," Elsa says, but she smiles.
"You can't please everyone, sis."
"I know."
Anna pauses. "This isn't the end, is it? I feel like everything has been building up to this but … it hasn't, really."
"It would be a bit tragic if the most exciting part of my life ended here, wouldn't it? If rent control was my great achievement."
Anna laughs and hugs her.
57) Clothes
She is about three-quarters of the way up the North Mountain when she sees him sitting on the slope, looking out over the city, giant hands planted firmly in the ground beside him. She heads towards him.
"Going to Arendelle?" she asks as she approaches. Now that she's closer, she can see a cloak hanging off one of his spikes. It flutters slightly in the wind.
He shrugs. "One day. Not today. Today, I look."
He's more talkative than he used to be, she thinks.
"Still scared?"
"A little." He pauses. "If Anna came … it would … I would…"
"You want to prove you wouldn't hurt her?"
"And Kristoff."
"I'll ask them to come up one day next week. I'm sure they'd love to meet you if you promise not to throw them off a mountain again."
"Thank you."
She smiles. "I can bring Rik one day too, if you want. So you can meet someone new. Though that might take longer. It's a long story."
"I can wait." He turns his head towards her and she can see a smile there too. It wasn't that long ago that he would have shouted if she mentioned his temper. "Arendelle isn't going anywhere."
For a few seconds, they sit there, enjoying the dying winter sunshine.
"Do you like the cloak, Marshmallow?" She turns to look at it. "I notice you're wearing it."
He nods but then pauses. "Do you like it?"
"It doesn't matter," she says. "It only matters if you like it. But, for the record, I do. It suits you."
"Thank you." He is quiet but she can feel his eyes on her. Then: "I like how you look." His mouth shifts into a bigger smile. "Look happier. Look good. You look like it more often these days."
There are a lot of things she could say to that, and a lot of things that immediately rise to the surface. Because despite what Anna, Rik, Gerda or even Earl Voolf, say, she still doesn't feel like she knows who Elsa is. She hasn't yet had a day where she hasn't wondered if she's acting like Elle, the Queen, the old Elsa, or someone else entirely. She just gets through each day trying to do what feels the best. She doesn't know if that's the right thing to do.
But, as Earl Voolf suggested, she is beginning to feel as though there is someone there, underneath all of Elsa and the Queen and Elle and Anna's sister and Agdar's daughter and a recluse and a party host and all the other guises she wears. As though, when she's alone in her room and there is no need for outfits, she can see patches of her there – of someone who froze an entire kingdom, and who is still trying to apologise for it; of someone who has bad days, and fights through them; of someone who hesitates to touch anyone, but kissed an ex-thief in a small room in the docks; of someone who worries about saying or doing anything out of line, but concocted convoluted plans so that she could help out at a soup kitchen without getting any of the credit.
She looks at those patches, in the dark of the night, or in the moments between meetings, and more and more, she thinks she likes how they're shaped. They're not perfect. They're not complete. They're not ready or even all that comfortable. But they're something.
So she turns to Marshmallow and she doesn't contradict him or explain anything or question him. Instead, she just hugs his arm.
"Thank you," she says.
He just smiles at her and wraps the arm around her, in his own version of a hug.
"Any time."
Fin