The world was out to get him.

Jason was sure of it. Even if he ignored all the shit he'd been dealt with throughout his life — and wow, there was a lot — he'd thought things were finally improving. He'd gone from street rat to billionaire's kid, practically overnight, he was Robin, he had easy access to Alfred's amazing cooking — all in all, things were pretty great. They hadn't been this good in a while.

And then there was the added bonus of being left alone for the long weekend. Alfred was off visiting family, Bruce had a business trip that he couldn't cancel, and since Bruce couldn't find anyone to stay with him while he was gone (like he needed a babysitter), he was left to his own devices, with the firm order to, "call Dick if you need ANYTHING" (yeah right, as if his 'older brother' would give a shit), and a long list of phone numbers taped to at least five different locations.

(Jason really needed to remind Bruce that 'overprotective dad' didn't really go with his terrifying-bat image, or his 'Brucie' persona).

So yeah — things were good. And that should have been a sign that they wouldn't be for much longer, because…well, when did he ever have it this good? And maybe all these luxuries were making him soft, because there was a time when Jason was great at sensing danger. Now…well, there wasn't even a quick, "oh shit!" when he heard the knock on the front door. It was just a nice, normal, mundane door-knock, maybe from the postman, or one of their neighbours.

Yeah…no.

That was not what happened, and so, when Jason opened the door, 'nice' and 'mundane' were not what he was greeted with.

There was a baby on the doorstep.

A fucking baby.

A baby that was staring at him with disturbingly-familiar blue eyes, and a even more disturbingly-familiar scowl on his face. Jason briefly considered screaming, "did anyone lose their baby?!", and then told himself to shut the hellup, and actually come up with a plan.

There was a note tucked next to the baby's blue blanket. Jason stared blankly at it for a few moments, because, as silly as it sounded, he didn't want to go near the thing (and by 'the thing' he meant the baby. The creepy, scowling baby).

Except, well, he was the only one in the house (he was really starting to regret pushing for that now), and he couldn't really leave the baby on the doorstep until Bruce got back. Plus, he was Robin — if he couldn't handle a baby, how could he handle the seriously-deranged creeps that made up more than half of Gotham's population?

He reached down, picked up the note (and okay, he might have shot the baby a wary glance, but — a baby. Seriously!), unfolded it, and immediately groaned.

It was long, and Jason may have skimmed over a lot of it (because he really didn't like where this was going), but he got the basic gist of it:

1. Bruce had knocked up some chick named Talia

2. There was now a baby bat in this world, with the same name as the kid in the Omen

3. Talia-chick really liked to call Bruce 'Beloved' — what was with that? Did Catwoman know?

So the kid was Bruce's. Well, that was…oh shit, did that make him a big brother? Jason bit back a grimace; no, no, he was not thinking about that right now. He'd deal with the scowling baby first, and then handle the implications later.

Of course, maybe Talia-chick was really a bat-shit crazy stalker, and this wasn't really Bruce's kid. Yeah — yeah, maybe that was the story. After all, with all those billions came plenty of crazy people who wanted those billions. He'd go inside, call Bruce, tell him to "come home right now, because seriously, there's a baby, and apparently it's YOURS," and then Bruce would return, and get this sorted out. The baby would go to his real father (who was hopefully a lot saner than Talia-chick), and he'd go back to being an only child (and since Dick never showed his face around here, and seemed content with ignoring Jason's existence, that's pretty much what he was).

Except, well, even though the kid was a baby…he looked a lot like Bruce. Kid had the same eyes as Bruce, and — did he mention the scowl?

(Because the kid was still scowling. Seriously — weren't babies supposed to cry, or something? …Not that he wanted the kid to start crying, of course).

"Okay," he told creepy-baby (Damian — the kids name was Damian. Except this was probably all a huge mistake, and the kid wouldn't be around for long, so did he really need to know the kid's name?), "I'm going to go inside and call Bruce."

He turned around, paused, and then turned back. "Wait, I should probably bring you along," he muttered, mostly to himself. He reached down, and lifted the basket. The baby shifted slightly, looking extremely unhappy.

"Yeah, I'm not happy about this either, kid," Jason grumbled. "But don't worry — you won't have to deal with me for much longer. And you're heavy by the way — really heavy."

Creepy-baby blew a spit-bubble, and somehow managed to keep scowling at the same time.

Jason sighed. Yeah, he should have known something like this would happen sooner or later.

…

AN:

Hey, random fanfic I decided to write, since there just isn't enough "Damian-arrives-at-the-manor-as-a-baby" AUs. I've read some seriously good ones though, and I was really tempted to write my own. I tried to put a bit of a spin on it, and Bruce probably won't be coming in until towards the end (although this is going to be overly long - just a few chapters, and if this goes well, I might write more parts in this series later on). I just love the idea of Damian getting to spend his childhood with his dad and siblings.

Also this might have some AU elements, because I'm not 100% sure about the age difference between Jason and Damian. I'm setting this not long after Jason was first taken in by Bruce, so I honestly have no idea if Damian would have been a baby canonically…I don't THINK so, but eh, I really wanted some baby!Damian/Jason interaction, so here it is. Also, no idea if Jason had ever encountered Talia/knew about Talia prior to his resurrection, so I'm just assuming he doesn't know about her in this fic.