I pace back and forth nervously across the floor of the lab, then look over at Mark and Dominic.

"So what do you think?" I ask nervously.

I've just told them everything, and now I just have to hope that they don't think I'm a monster. Don't abandon me or turn on me...

Like Emma did.

But instead of the unknown reasons that she had for her betrayal, my teammates have a very good reason to not want to work with me anymore. As much as it hurts to think about it, I'd try not to hold it against them. I mean, I've just set them up with a way to make money legitimately, and as long as they kept their new identities on the right side of the law, they would be set for life. They didn't really need me anymore, it would be reasonable to cut ties now.

I think I'd actually feel more guilty if they were forced to deal with my psychopathic tendencies in order to have decent lives. At least this way I'll know the truth about how they really feel.

Dominic and Mark share a glance, before Dominic blurts out, "Fuck, that sucks."

I relax a bit at this typical outburst, yup, that's Dom alright.

"I have to agree, that is an unfortunate side effect of your power. Useful for a life 'n death fight I will admit, it proved effective against Lung after all. But for casual fights and less serious situations, this could be a problem."

"Hey, the chances of someone actually fully killing one of the Messengers in a casual fight are pretty low. Probably less of a problem than you're thinking bro."

Mark gets a thoughtful look, strokes his chin and asks me, "Actually, now that I think about it, I've fully killed you many times during filming or in practice. I know you said it felt like you would do anything to win against Lung, but I've beaten you plenty of times and you never got nasty with me. Perhaps the situation isn't as dire as you think?"

"And you did run from the Simurgh bitch like a sensible person would, instead of going for another rescue. The armband would have killed you if you hadn't retreated, so you can run from a fight you can't win. You don't turn all homicidal and aggressive every time."

They have some good points. I feel my fears lighten as my friends puzzle through this, instead of reacting with fear like I had expected.

I tentatively venture a suggestion, "I'm still certain that I lose most of my empathy, but maybe it also makes me more... logical? I felt guilt at not rescuing one more person, but it was more because I wanted to do better against the Simurgh, I didn't care about the people themselves in that moment. I didn't regret leaving the guy behind until later, when the effect wore off."

"Ok, so it's definitely not just a stab-happy mental effect. You still keep your focus on what you are doing, you just temporarily change how ruthless you are? That seems to fit." Dom nods to himself in satisfaction.

"See, it's not so bad. Disturbing to see in action certainly, but you can tell friend from foe, you still have the same goals. You are just more direct about getting there." Mark make a mollifying gesture.

I can't help but gesture widely as I try to put into words exactly how anxious I am about this whole thing, "But what if I go too far one day? Say my goal is survival against someone I can't fight, and I end up... Uh..." I cast about mentally for a suitably horrifying scenario, "Like taking a few babies hostage to get people to back off, and to prove that I'm willing to do it, I kill one as an example? I really don't know, but that's the most awful thing I can think of right now."

Marks face grows a bit grim, "Ok, fair point. Without normal emotions and empathy, going too far is possible. But I'm not really sure what we can do to stop you if that happens. We might have to simply hope that things never get bad enough that you'd consider such actions reasonable."

"Oooh, or I have a better idea!" Dom declares with a sly grin, "Do you trust us Taylor? Like really trust that we are on your side and won't screw you over?"

"Uhhh..."

I'm not really sure how to answer this question, or what he is implying. I mean, I want to trust them. Every time I open up to them more and give them a chance to betray me, they end up proving me wrong. Helping me keep my identity safe, slowly going from villains to heroes just because of me, helping me deal with my anger at the PRT and my bullies, and now this. I think it's fair to say that they've earned my trust.

The problem is that I still find it hard to trust them, I keep thinking they will end up like my former best friend. Probably not healthy for me to be like this, not able to fully trust my teammates. I don't know if I can give him the answer he wants. I don't even know where he's going with this line of thinking. It sounds kinda sketchy, him asking that kind of question, but I've underestimated him before so maybe I shouldn't jump to conclusions yet.

Mark rolls his eyes at Dom, "You better not be thinking of implanting bombs in her or something dumb like that."

"No! That's fucking stupid, why would you even think that?"

"The whole, 'do you trust us' thing, along with talking about finding ways to stop her if she ever goes too far? Kinda sounds like you thought of some kind of invention to serve as an 'insurance policy'."

In a very indignant tone he replies, "I'll have you know that not every problem can be solved by Tinker shit and blowing things up."

I chime in, "I have to admit, I wasn't sure were you were going with that question, but I'm glad it's not putting a bomb in my head. It did sound a teensy bit like that might have been what you were getting at. What exactly are you thinking of then?"

I'm hoping that he actually has a good idea and it's not something impractical or useless. Or worse, something from a videogame.

He huffs and folds his arms. "I was thinking that evil you is all logical and cold-blooded, but still knows that we are allies. If one of us was nearby and told you to stop, maybe you would listen? Hopefully because you trust us, we're friends, and we wouldn't tell you to stop without good reason. Duh! So if you die, tell us what you plan on doing and communicate more during a fight, that way if we see potential problems, we can tell you no."

Mark and I both stop talking for a few seconds to ponder his idea. Personally I think it's dubious, but at least it's not a horrible idea like I was expecting. I really have to stop underestimating Dominic.

Mark speaks first, "That's not a bad idea, but you're right, it's dependent on how much Taylor is willing to listen to us. What do you think, would it have a chance?"

He looks me in the eyes as he asks that, but the pressure of the question is too much. I break eye contact and look at the ground as I send out a full cascade to help me process everything.

Would I listen to them? I suppose that if I always have a part of me wanting to work with them, there's a chance that I will, if only to appease them. Even if I see no reason why I should stop doing whatever horrible thing I'm doing, I'd still want to keep them around, keep them liking me. It's pathetic, but I can't delude myself while I'm fully cascaded like this. I'm desperate for friends, for acceptance. I don't want to lose this, these new friends, this team, this life of making a difference, of helping. I like being involved with secret organizations located on the moon, daring plots, exciting fights, heists and multiple cape identities. If that's not reason enough to listen to my teammates when I'm in cold-blooded mode, then I don't think anything is.

I look up and make eye contact again as my other selves melt away, more confident now. "Yeah, I think it's possible. I have trust issues and I can't change that, but I think I trust you guys enough to listen. I like being a part of this team, so I think psycho me will still want that too. I'll try to remember to call out over comms every time I go into 'evil zen mode' from now on, so you'll know when you have to watch me for signs of me getting a bit too ruthless."

"That sounds like a plan then." Mark nods in satisfaction, "I guess that we can consider the problem solved for now, untill we get evidence it's not working. And if that happens, I don't want you blaming yourself or feeling bad about it Taylor. It just means we as a team might have overlooked something and we can come up with something better for next time."

Dom excitedly interrupts, "Oooh, we need a code name or phrase! Like 'Code D', for Death! Or 'Zen State Achieved'. Or perhaps something more subtle like 'Level Up', or 'Warning, Core Unstable.' Oh man, the possibilities!"

"I'm not a robot Dom, or in a video game." I share a smile with Mark as we both listen, amused. After having experienced a few of these, I know that it's best to just let him blabber on and get the ideas out. It's probably a Tinker thing, or a hyper person thing. (I can't be sure.) Dom manages to produce quite a list of phrases before he winds down.

"Hmm, how about I just say something like 'Time to get Serious.' It's something I can say without tipping off anyone listening, and it's true in a way. If I get truly killed, then things are probably pretty serious."

"That works for me."

"Eh, that's kinda a boring one, but ok." Dom makes a silly face at me.

I laugh and stretch a bit as I realize that my muscles have gotten tense from all the stress and don't want to move properly anymore. That's what I get from having poor posture all the time.

"Now that this is taken care of, I better go home. I'll check in on you tomorrow morning to see if we're good to go for more de-building. Oh and incidentally Dom, when you stick a black-hole in that egg thing, you had better make it safer. Ten times safer, minimum. It was way too easy to disrupt that thing into exploding." I give him my best stink-eye.

He hold his hands up defensively, "Ok, ok, I'll add in some stuff to shunt it all into other dimensions if it gets disrupted."

"Other dimensions like Earth Aleph? With people on them?" I raise my eyebrow at him.

"No no! Like unoccupied sub-dimensions. The same place all the gravity is shunted to, it's totally safe. No possible living things will get hurt by it, promise!"

I nod at him, satisfied he isn't going to cause an inter-dimensional accident. I can't believe how weird my life has gotten, that I have to worry about that sort of thing.

Tinkers.

He continues, trying to reassure me, "It's probably for the best, since it will be much more powerful with the re-design. I'll be the first to admit I don't always build the safest things, and we're all pretty lucky that it never broke while it was sitting at the bottom of the ocean."

"Or during the super badass mecha-zilla fight we used it for way back. The Protectorate would have been a lot more hard on us if we had exploded their base during one of our first signature events." Mark adds.

"Ooch, yeah. As is, they still didn't like it much."

"Hey, I remember that one! You set off the Endbringer sirens briefly you asses." I intensify my glare.

"Err, maybe... Oops! In our defense, we were pretty stupid back then. I mean, not shielding the power core, deciding to mock attack the Protectorate's oil rig base just because it would look cool, basically we wanted to show off how big our dicks were."

"Dude," Mark shakes his head. "Language."

"Hey, she said to treat her like one of the guys!"

I sigh, "It true, I did. I'd rather this than the alternative, but I'm still gonna take that as my cue to leave."

Then I get a wicked and cruel idea, and with a sly smirk as I turn to go I say nonchalantly, "I'm gonna get out of here before this descends into a measuring contest and you guys start whipping em out. Ta~!"

I try to hide my grin as I manage to startle a snort of laughter out of Dominic, and he seems to be chocking on air. Unfortunately Mark seems to have taken it better because I don't hear an outburst from him.

"See ya round, Taylor." Mark replies with humor coloring his voice.

Dom doesn't manage to regain his composure before I'm out of there and on my way home.

Time to catch up on my schoolwork and do more studying.

The next days activities start off as usual with some gym time on the ship. I pop on home after to shower and eat breakfast with dad, having told him that I'm going out 'running' every morning now to cover for the time spent working out. Technically I do some sprinting and running every day, so it's not even a lie.

I've been feeling better lately, more healthy. My potbelly is mostly gone now, so I look less like a walking, talking frog. But I've been gaining a bit of weight despite that, from eating more and building a bit of muscle. It's not visible, but it's there, as the bathroom scale can attest to. I've finally managed to reach 130 lbs, and while it's not much of an improvement for a few months worth of work, it is enough to let me test my power again and see if that increased my limits.

As soon as dad leaves for work, out come the buckets. I fill them with water to the previous limit of 122 lbs and start from there. It works as expected, so I start to add a pound of water at a time.

Soon I reach my new limit, 128 lbs.

128 lbs, this means that I was right! I dance about in happiness, pleased that my plan was working. My power is definitely tied to my own weight, so it looks like all I need is time and lots of food to eventually be more effective. So trying to get some curves isn't selfish, it's optimizing my power. Yes, that's what I'm going to keep telling myself. It has nothing to do with me wanting to one day look passably female, nothing at all...

I suppose I should call the guys now to see if we are de-building today or not. If we aren't, I'll have to come up with something to do today, I'm brimming with energy and lacking an outlet. Despite the sickening end to the fight yesterday, beating Lung has made me antsy to get out there and start making a difference. I just have to be more careful next time to be the one doing the ambushing.

Plus I'm pretty sick of studying, I'm well ahead of the online modules and unit tests. I could wander around outside aimlessly, but patrolling is useless without territory I'm trying to hold. I'm not in this to look pretty and be famous, I want to hit targets that are worth it, to change things permanently. Not smile, wave, and pretend that things are safe now that I'm around, the criminals will just wait until I'm gone to do what they want.

I dial the guys impatiently on my burner phone, hoping that they have something constructive for me to do today.

"Yello!" Dom answers.

"Hey, it's me. So how's progress on getting set up for another attempt at the mini-sun thing?"

"Eh, not great. It will probably take me all day to put something together, sorry. Having to make a robotic arm from scratch ain't easy without Tinker powers, since if I use them it's gonna break."

"Ah, darn. I have nothing to do today and I'm already kinda bored. I want to go out and do something, but I guess I'm just restless. I plan on hitting up the vet place that gave us the tranquilizers and paying them back at some point today, but that's it as far as plans go."

"Huh, well you could kill a few hours looking at the PHO, there's some great stuff about our fight with Lung from yesterday. Some video from a long ways off, speculation about who we are, lots of stuff. Barely anyone's connected the fight to us yet, but word's starting to get out that the 'Professionals' brought him down and turned him over to the Protectorate."

"Oh wow, that's fast."

"Yeah well it makes sense, lots of people live in territory controlled by the ABB, and Lung going down could really affect the power structure of the gangs and what areas they control. If he fails to get broken out before he's thrown in the birdcage, the ABB are fucked and are gonna lose quite a few chunks of land, if they survive at all."

Dread curls up in my stomach at this news. Could I have possibly made things worse? If Lung was the only thing holding back the E88 and the Merchants, then the two gangs fighting for control of the ABB's territory could be really hard on the regular citizens of the city. People caught in the crossfire won't care that 'oh well at least Lungs in prison.' No, all they will care about is the bullet that went through the wall of their house and into them, as gang members shoot up neighborhoods trying to get at each other.

I try to think optimistically, to convince myself that maybe it won't be so bad, but it's not working too well. I'm probably exaggerating things a bit, being too paranoid. I think the PRT and the ordinary cops would come down hard on any outright fighting in the streets. The city won't become a war zone just because some drug dealers try to get access to new territory to profit from, or some racists want to spread their reach out a bit more.

I hope.

"That sucks." Is all I can manage to say in reply as I try to process the implications.

"Yup. But hey, maybe we'll go hunting for Nazi's later, whittle their numbers down a bit. That should even things up between the gangs, and keep it from getting too bad."

"We can do that?" I ask incredulously.

"Course we can, we're heroes now, right? We just plan it out like the other capers, get at much intel on them as we can beforehand to pick out a few isolated targets we know we can fight and beat. Then voila! Nazi hoedown at ass-kicking-o-clock."

Huh, that's not a bad idea. That might be a good way to kill some time today, I can research the Empire capes and start figuring out who we could actually beat in a fight, and who we can't.

"Ok, if Mark's free later let him know I want to start planning a Nazi take-down. We won't bother with the normal thugs, they can always get more of them easily enough. Taking out a few capes here and there is hopefully all we need to keep them from taking advantage of our capture of Lung."

"Cool, I'll let him know. Oh, hey actually fun fact. We just got an email from Bakuda!"

"Uh, who?"

"Bakuda? You know, the ABB's newest cape, the bomb Tinker the Protectorate warned us about?"

"Oh shit, yeah I remember that now. Kinda had forgotten about that due to the whole, 'going psycho' thing. Wait, why would she email us? How would she email us?"

"Technically it's not us us who she contacted, she emailed Uber and Leet. I'm sure the ABB have the email address the same way the Empire, Merchant's, Faultline's Crew and even Coil got it. We gave it to them in case they ever wanted to hire us for scads of cash. That email has seen a lot of action, we give it out all over the place to any cape we think might have money and might be willing to part with it."

"Ok, so that's the how, what about the why?"

"I was getting to it! Ok, skimming through it, huh, well shit."

"What is it?" I ask as he pauses for too long.

"Looks like she wants our help tracking down both the Undersiders, and the Professionals. She's trying to make it sound like she's not with the ABB, and is an independent Tinker who want to get some reputation in this town, make some quick cash. We know that's a lie, but only because we get the info direct from the Protectorate. She claims she wants to steal some cash from the Undersiders, since she heard they robbed a casino recently and thus must be loaded. I'm guessing it's really a revenge ploy and she wants to seriously hurt them, to punish them for stealing from her new gang, and get some reputation back. She also wants to deal with us of course, for putting her new boss in jail. However she words it to sound like she has a private issue with the Professionals, and simply needs help finding them so she can try to get the issue resolved."

"No doubt she plans to resolve things with lots and lots of bombs." I reply sarcastically while rubbing my forehead.

"Yup. Well this is a dilemma. Uber and Leet would normally have eaten this offer up. She's offering lots of cash and a few custom grenades, all in exchange for finding these two groups in such a way that she can then engage them. She's offering a bit more too if we are willing to help her fight the Undersiders, a share of any loot they have. Pretty tempting amounts of cash here, if we weren't already financially set for life thanks to you."

"I honestly can't believe our luck. We got tipped off that a Tinker who specializes in fucking bombs is gunning for us, because she tried to hire your alter-egos to track us down. That's unbelievable... Actually, could it be a trap do you think?"

"Doubt it, there's no obvious link between us. It's pretty lucky I gotta admit, but not beyond the realms of possibility. She's new in town, so turns to someone her group has hired before as she lacks her own contacts in the city to help her find us, it makes sense. Now we know to avoid her for a while, so it all worked out."

I get a clever idea and grin to myself, "Hey, maybe we can use this to set a trap for her! You two could accept the job, then when she shows up, we ambush her and take her down! It would be so easy, and she'd never see it coming."

"Woah, fuck no. That would pretty obviously let the cat out of the bag that Uber and Leet are closely connected to the Professionals. There are plenty of Thinkers that would be able to figure it out after that, not to mention the hit to our reputation as mercenaries this would give us. It's kinda useful being in contact with all the gangs loosely, and they'd drop us like a hot potato if word got out that we betrayed a client. I know we're trying to be heroes now, but we can't just trash everything we've been working on for the last few years, not if we want to keep using the identities like we planned."

Crap, he's really pissed off at this idea. Chagrined, I backpedal fast, "Ok, ok! I didn't realize it was such a bad idea, sorry! And you're right, we don't want to risk your villainous reputations. I'm still planning on us doing illegal 'Movement' jobs under your villain identities, so I don't want to make it too obvious that we are mostly the same group. That plan is officially deleted from my mind forever."

He takes a few moments to breathe deeply, I can hear it over the phone. "Cool. Fuck. Sorry I overreacted a bit there, but it was very much a bad idea. And villain or not, I'd like to think I have some shreds of honor, backstabbing someone like that is not cool, no matter how much she might want to fight us."

"It's ok. I'll try to think of a better plan later, I still think we might be able to do something with this advanced warning, but don't worry, I'll want both of you guys to give me input and help veto things. But I want us to at least try to think of a good way to get her taken down safely. I don't like the idea of someone running around who's superpower is to make bombs, it seems very dangerous to leave her running free, depending on how she uses her power."

"Yeah, we should probably look up her history from before she was recruited, she had to have done something noteworthy enough for Lung to have bothered leaving town for her. That will let us know more about what she's willing to do with her bombs, and what she isn't. It's too bad though." He sighs.

"What's too bad?" I ask curious.

"Teaming up with her would have let us do a pretty awesome Bomberman theme. It would have been perfect! I haven't even done much in the way of explosives, so there would have been quite a few good things for me to build. But given that the people she wants to bomb is actually us, along with the dumbest group of teenage villains ever to be formed, I think we'll have to avoid this particular team-up."

I snort, suppressing laughter, "Yeah, the Undersiders really are the most unlucky group ever. I swear we can't even turn around without finding that they are in need of rescue yet again. If this becomes a reoccurring theme, we will have to give them all some 'damsels in distress' costumes they can put on whenever they need help. Maybe with little tracking beacons in them so we can find them."

"Hahaha yeah! Bright pink dresses, Princess Peach style! They can pull them over their normal costumes when in trouble. Actually I think when we next visit the fabber, I'm printing some of those off. The next time we have to rescue those brats, they will be forced to wear the dresses or be left behind to face whatever horrible monster they poked with a stick."

"Heh, it will be hilarious to see the looks on their faces when you pull the dresses out. I'm a bit tired of hearing about how many people want to kill them for various reasons. They have a knack for getting into trouble, that's for sure."

"Yup, not like us. We'd never do anything silly like join some secret conspiracy group on the moon, or chase ourselves through the streets, pretending to be in two places at once. Or blow up a ship in broad daylight. Nope, nothing silly at all."

"Har, har." I roll my eyes, "Fine, good point. Stones and glass houses and all that. To be fair, they probably didn't realize how much trouble that one casino robbery was going to be for them, they aren't that dumb, just unlucky."

"Yup. Still gonna make them all pretty princess party dresses however."

I snort, "You do that, I'm gonna start reading the PHO, do some research. When I'm ready to scheme with you guys, should I head to the lab, or will you guys be home most of the day?"

"Hmm, depends on the time I think. I'm home right now being lazy and reading emails obviously, catching up on stuff, but I'll be at the lab in a few hours. I'll drag Mark there too once he's back with more supplies. So if you're finished in only a couple hours, then head to our home, but anytime after noon go to the lab. If you're really busy and don't get out until late, I think we'll abandon the lab and be back home round eight pm, probably hit a nearby pizza joint on our way back for supper."

"Ok, sounds like a plan. I guess I'll meet up with you guys at some point."

"Cool, adiós amigo!"

"Bye, have fun explaining the pink dress plan to Mark!" I tease before I hang up.

Looks like I have a few new focuses to devote myself to. Taking out a few Empire capes to keep the gangs balanced, and dealing with Bakuda before she blows anyone up. Good, I'm not bored anymore.