Chapter 3: My Pain, Your Pain

As usual, the beginning of this World Meeting started as free-for-all nonsense with everyone talking over each other, and America shouting about how great he is. Canada at least looks like he's ready to stand up for himself a little more now. He's talking to some of the other countries and actually speaking up to America on occasion. It must be the recent change in government taking effect.

England though, thought that it was far too early in the morning for all of this ridiculous noise. Thankfully, it looked like Germany was about to take things into his own hands to get the meeting actually started and to discuss important issues, as per their job.

The tall blond stood up and began to shout. "That is ENOUGH! We call this conference every month to solve the world's problems, not chat and bicker and fight like children! And since I am the only country who seems to know how to run a meeting, we will follow my rules from here on out! Eight minutes each for speeches, no chit-chatting or side deals, and absolutely NO going over the time limit! If you want to go, please raise your hand, but do so in a way that does not mock my country's past. Now, who would like to speak first?"

Of course, the world idiot would stand up first, and completely ignore the rules that Germany had just outlined.

America smacked his hands on the table and began to shout at the (now) quiet audience of all of the countries of the world. "Okay dudes, it's time to listen to your hero! Going back to the plan that I have so awesomely mentioned every meeting for the last... A long time, I think that we should use genetic engineering and create a giant superhero to..." he kept rambling.

England tuned out the younger nation. This same speech, or a similar one, had been brought up at the beginning of every single meeting since the world became aware of the global warming phenomenon. This was turning out to be a waste of time. Why had he even gotten out of bed? This certainly wasn't worth it.

These thoughts aren't helping at all! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and listen. Maybe America is saying something useful for once.

"...And I know how much you all hate on your hero, me, but what better way to solve all of the problems in one fell swoop than with our own giant superhero so that we don't have to worry about it anymore! Hahahaha! I'm brilliant, right? All the brains and brawn are found in yours truly, the United States of America! So because this is my idea and..."

This is really not worth listening to. England had always wondered about his young charge when America was growing up, because he had seemed reasonably intelligent, if a little naive. What happened to America to make him this self-absorbed? Or was it an act? For all he knew, America could just be faking most of the whole superhero thing. After all, no one had caught on to his own dep- disguised thoughts and actions over the past half century. Well, no one except Japan.

I'm not sure that I can make it through this meeting.

He had been so sure before, when he left his house, and now that he was here, he just couldn't handle it. This whole meeting is such a farce. Why were all of them sitting here and wasting their time with this drivel, when they could be doing actual work for the actual problems in their own countries and the rest of the world. Listening to America rant about impossible superheroes is not productive in the least for anyone.

England felt himself slipping lower into these feelings as the younger nation continued shouting at the audience. He put his head down in his arms, letting himself feel anything and everything that he would through the rest of the speech. By the time America was wrapping it up, England was emotionally exhausted.

"...And that's why my idea is right, and why you shouldn't listen to all of them little countries, the ones that all kind of blend together. Which Baltic again? They're all weak! No need to hear from the smelly Frenchies and annoying Brits too! Hahahaha!"

That last comment stuck England hard. Insulting him again, for no reason at all, other than because he could. The others probably thought it was funny. Of course he would pick on the loner country, the isolated country, the most despised and hated country in all of Europe.

What did I ever do to him? What fault did I do? Was it annoying to care about him and try to help him when he was younger? Was it my fault for trying to be a good older brother?

America sat down, still laughing and holding his belly. The other countries were giving America harsh glares. None of them found his comments funny. Some of them were outright racist. There were quiet murmurs about election and political troubles in the States, and that it might not be entirely his fault. His future presidential candidates didn't look promising. Elections are difficult for all democratic countries, but America should still have some sort of self control when speaking.

England didn't notice those reactions, because his head was still in his arms.

Germany stood up again to speak. "Alright. That was... quite the speech, America. Who would like to speak next? And hopefully bring a good idea forward..."

At this question, England looked up, since he figured that he should probably be paying attention again. He looked around the room at the other nations. None of them seemed to want to speak up after America's long (and pointless) rant. France was stubbornly looking in the opposite direction. The Italies both actually looked offended, not just the South. Japan looked slightly stricken, but it was hard to tell with his naturally straight face. Mexico looked like he wanted to murder the asshole to his North. Canada looked ready to cut ties (at least personal ties) with his brother. Lithuania, as the host, looked extremely nervous since he is the one who would have to take any actions against inappropriate behaviour. Latvia next to him was shaking like an earthquake. Russia was muttering "kolkolkolkolkolkolkol..."

It looked like no one else was going to speak, and England really couldn't take this anymore. He raised his hand.

"I acknowledge the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Your time starts now. Begin." Germany said tiredly. It appeared that America's speech had taken a toll on him too.

England stood up and took a deep breath, preparing himself for this completely ridiculous proposal that he was about to put to a vote. "I would like to take a vote. Who wants to take a quick lunch and siesta break before we continue with the meeting. Germany, if you would like to count this as my turn, then that's fine. All in favour of a thirty minute breather?"

Nearly every nation present put their hand up immediately. Unfortunately, one nation decided that his outbursts were necessary every time that someone else spoke.

"Dude, who needs a break after the great hero gave a speech?" America interjected, "I admit, I am pretty impressive, and my unique and innovative ideas might be a little hard for your tiny brains to comprehend, but that's why other people talk at these meetings! So you have time to process and understand everything that I, the great hero, have said instead of paying attention to what some other less awesome ideas are." The self-proclaimed hero stood proudly, fully expecting everyone applaud, or at least give some assent to his statements.

Instead, Germany stood up angrily. "Alright, the vote has decided. By vast majority, we will take a lunch break now. Be back in exactly thirty minutes." The tall man stalked out of the room with a purpose, and North Italy trailed behind. The other nations made their way into various corners of the room (specifically away from America) to talk to each other and calm down.

England noticed Japan purposefully making his way towards him, and immediately turned to leave the room. Japan probably wanted to talk, but this had to be done in private. The bathroom was as good a place as any.

England strode into the room, turned on a tap, and splashed the cold water over his face. He wasn't sure if he was feeling more hurt, angry, or dep- upset by what America had said earlier. Why did he have to be singled out like that? What did he ever do? It wasn't his fault that he wasn't normal like the rest of the nations. It couldn't be, right? Or was it-

"England-san? Are you doing alright?" Japan asked quietly. The neutral expression on his face made it nearly impossible to tell what the Asian nation was thinking. Luckily, England knew the older man well enough to discern certain details from speech patterns and micro-expressions that he couldn't prevent.

"Not at all, Japan. I'm having a hard time with everything that that idiot said and trying to figure out what I did to make him hate me so much!" England admitted. He had learned long ago that Japan would get his answer either way, so he might as well just come out and say what he was thinking.

"You are not alone, England-san. And what America said is untrue. You are not annoying, and it does not matter what just one person thinks." Japan said coolly, his eyes crinkling slightly. So Japan was having a hard time with this too.

"This is one country whose opinions matter worldwide. And it isn't as if he was the only country thinking these things." England ranted. This might provoke Japan into voicing himself too.

"You are not the only one who was insulted and offended, England-san!" Japan yelled with frustration. He slammed his fist on to the counter beside the sinks. After a few deep breaths, he lowered his voice and continued. "What America said is not what everyone thinks, and it is most definitely not your fault." Japan stared at England knowingly. He knew where England's mind was likely to be drawn, and England knew where his would wander.

England sighed, turned, and leaned against the sinks. "I know that it isn't my fault, just as well as you know that it is safe to show your emotions outwardly. I can't help it." He looked up at the Asian man, whose eyes were now focused on the nearest empty stall. England sighed again. "It's been a bad few days, but today I am 16844 days clean. From everything. That is something that I can say I have done. That is something that I can remember for myself."

"And I have recently learned that certain gestures are not a threat." Japan walked over to England, taking a place beside him against the sink. "I have willingly engaged in friendly contact with... friends... 583 times over the past five years, including hugs and an arm over the shoulder. Mostly with Italy-kun. That is something that I can remember." Tentatively, the elder put his arm around the shoulder of the younger, and the two sat in silence for a moment.

"Japan, I'm very glad for you. That's amazing progress. You are a stronger man than I." England commented. He could see the small twitch of the other's mouth as they tried to suppress the smile that was trying to form on his lips. Small steps. Habits aren't broken in a day, after all. "I will always be safe for you, you know. Some day, I would love to see you really smile."

Might as well encourage him while I have the chance. No harm, right?

"H-Hai, Englan-san. Some day." Japan stuttered nervously. Baby steps.

"You're still clean too?" England inquired.

Japan answered quickly and concisely. "I have not engaged in any form of purposeful bodily harm or mutilation against myself since the last time we spoke. You said you were clean too?"

England replied in kind. "I have not engaged in any form of purposeful bodily harm or mutilation against myself for 16844 days. I have not taken any substances that would alter my perceptions of reality, change my hormones, or otherwise alter my physical and/or mental state other than over the counter pain relievers for headaches and non-prescription cold medicine for 16844 days. I have not gone a single day without consuming my minimum healthy calorie count for 16844 days."

England counted his sober streak by the day. Japan counted his sober streak in increments. Japan had been clean longer than England, only because he had somehow managed to find a reason to try to stay clean without help or encouragement in the beginning. Japan had been free of any self harm since some time in the 1950's. England wasn't exactly sure when, but he figured that his friend had tried to give up this particular habit after WWII ended, and suffered a few relapses in the early stages.

"I am also glad to hear this. It is quite an impressive number. You are getting close to 17000." Japan commented idly, as if they were not discussing such a dark topic.

"That will be on February 4th of next year. It seems close. Far enough to be a struggle, but a manageable goal to work towards." There was a small bounce in his voice as England gave his short commentary.

"So how are you holding up?" England asked after a brief moment of silence. "We don't get to chat too often, so I'd just like to check in."

This gives Japan the opportunity to speak as much or little as he would like. With any luck, he'll open up more rather than less this time.

Japan stared at his hands quietly for a moment. England waited patiently. It was an unspoken understanding that they always give an indefinite amount of time to answer difficult questions. "I have been doing better in the very recent past. Italy-kun has taken to visiting more often and bringing his cat to play. I like to see that cat, so I have been getting more accustomed to Italy-kun's presence for longer periods of time. Sometimes, I can almost copy his expressions. Just a little, though. I don't feel the need to cut when he is around anymore, nor for about a day afterwards." Japan removed his arm from around England's shoulder. He ran his left hand along his right sleeve, then placed it across his stomach. "I am grateful to you and to Italy-kun for your patience."

England couldn't help but notice the one flaw in his statement. "As long as you recognize your own accomplishments. Italy and I didn't do it for you." England looked over at his friend, who was still watching the hand on his stomach. He have a small sigh before asking another question. "Have you talked to anyone else?"

Japan blinked. "Just as many people as you have."

"Ah." England looked down again. "You might consider telling Italy eventually. He's too nice to ever try to hurt you with the information, and he is capable of being tactful and keeping it a secret when he knows that it's a serious situation."

Japan's eyes narrowed slightly. Not with suspicion, but probably with deep thought. For a moment he parted his lips as if he was unsure about whether or not to voice a thought.

Perhaps he needs encouragement? "You can say anything at all. This place is safe." England assured him.

"Italy-kun might not be the person who learns next." Japan stated.

"Germany, then?"

"Iie. Not Germany-san." Japan went quiet for a moment before continuing. "There are two things that I am good at. I can sense the mood, and I can refrain from speaking. After sensing the mood earlier, I think the next person who might learn is probably going to be Latvia-san."