So another fluffy billdip thing because why the heckie not. AU from the current and beautifully horrifying canon (like, really really AU).

Note: I'm posting it as a story in progress because I have more ideas for this AU which I might or might not write, but I can't make any promises! (I have so many AUs to work on already h e l p)

Anyways, enjoy!

The...thing Bill had brought him looked very...formless. It was like a clump of tar or dark mud or something Grunkle Stan had fished out of his nostrils.

He made a face at it, and at the mental image, and pondered if touching it with his bare hands would be safe, or if he should just go get a stick to poke it with.

The stick would be a bit difficult to find though, ironically enough.

"What are you gawking at, pine tree?" the familiar triangle said, looking at him with his single eye while his hand stayed crossed on his cane, keeping the twitching lump from breaking in a run to escape. Or more like slither, with how it was moving. "Come on, kid, I don't have all day. It's delicious, eat up!"

"Bill," Dipper said, eyeing the nightmare Bill had brought him 'for lunch' with increasing aversion. "It's disgusting."

"It might not be a sight compared to your fancy fleshling food," Bill shrugged. Kind off. Dipper was beginning to get used to the weird way Bill's triangular body (and body language) worked, but it still was slightly disconcerting. "But it tastes good enough. Better than your ridiculous human soda, at that!"

Dipper rolled his eyes, and bit back the comment of 'that's because you aren't supposed to drink it with your whole face' that wanted to come out.

Focus, Dipper. Focus, and skillfully get out of the situation.

"I'm not eating that," ooor he could always say things straight out.

Wasn't that one thing Mabel had complained about? That he was too secretive and passive aggressive? Well, there was proof that he wasn't!

Bill gave him the most unimpressed, deadpan look a single eye should even be able to muster. Dipper wanted to complain; he didn't even have eyebrows!

"You need the nutrients, Pine Tree," Bill said, lifting the cane and releasing the nightmare (and yep, it slithered away) to float around him in a rough circle. Dipper tried to follow, but gave up soon enough. A thin appendage that felt more like a stick of black licorice than a finger poked him in the stomach, and Bill almost crooned. "And the little ones need them, too."

Dipper looked down, and saw the considerable bulge of his stomach. Huh, last time his stomach had felt pretty empty, but now...

Oh. That was right, he was-

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Dipper sat up, awake and eyes wide in shock, and tried to get his breathing under control. Kind of difficult when his brain was still stuttering and trying to come up with something else than 'what the fuck', but. That was air in his lungs, and the weird feeling that came with waking up from a nightmare was slowly disappearing. Good.

He took a deep breath, and grabbed his pillow with a hand.

Then, he proceeded to whack his boyfriend awake and out of the bed. Whichever came first, he didn't care.

Bill slept on the couch that night, but with how he'd woken up cackling and then looking close to bursting into laughter again every time he looked at Dipper, he doubted the demon had learned his lesson at all.

Dipper would have to wipe out the dream-catchers again.

(For the next week, Bill kept naming his nachos and giving them a horrid mishmash of their surnames. Then, he presented them to Dipper.

The adult retaliated by eating them all in cold blood.)