I think, what's hardest, is that it was mine, it was ours. Nobody likes to have the rug pulled out from under them, but it's more important that it is. It's more important for those girls, for those children. It's a just kind of betrayal, because no one should be exempt from their crimes: this is one of the things Kenshin taught us.

I don't know if I will finish Light, I think I will leave it up to all of you. Maybe it's helpful, a kind of release, to be able to read the characters in a story that isn't coming out of the mind of an abuser, I don't know. We all have a choice to make, and I want to be respectful of all of yours. What I can tell you is how I feel, which is that I poured hundreds of hours into it, I dove into deep, deep research holes. I became a better writer; I decided to write Light to see if I could, and I can, I put my whole heart into it and I felt all of yours with every like, every kudos, every comment.

None of that can be taken away from me, the knowledge that I could make something enjoyable to others, the hesitant pride in my abilities that I am only just starting, tentatively, to accept. Even if Light is never completed, the effort I expended, and what I learned about myself while doing it, has value. And do you know what, these characters belong to me. The way Kenshin rolls his shoulders when he can't answer; the toss of her head Kaoru does when she's annoyed, those are mine and I made it, and I will never be sorry that I did.

What has always been most important to me in this fandom is the people; the friendships made along the way, born out of a mutual love of a bumbling samurai and transcending into real, in-real-life pals. I don't think many of us will interact as a fandom anymore, or at least, not for some time. But I'd hate to lose you. So I'll be here, in a different capacity, but always a friend.

xoxo
kakikaeru