Author's Note

This is just weird. Kaneki might be a tad OOC, but this is Shiro form we're talking about so :| . If you want more to it say so in a review. Other than that, here goes.

Also disclaimer I do not own Tokyo Ghoul

"Okay. So you're looking for clothes, right?" Touka said into her phone.

"Yes," Kaneki responded from the other end.

"What aisle are you in?" Touka asked.

"I don't know," said Ken.

'Boys...' Touka thought. Aloud, she said, "What's in the aisle you're in now?"

"Soup," he told her.

"Okay, now what's in the next aisle?" she asked.

"More soup," Kaneki said.

"Wait, where are you?" Touka said sharply.

"Uhhhh... aisle ten? I think?" Kaneki said uncertainly.

"Arhhg! What's the store called, you dimwit?!" Touka yelled.

"Oh that? Soup Emporium." he answered.

"WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE BAKANEKI?!"

"Because I can. Why not? They're cheap." Ken told her with the barest hint of cheekiness in his voice.

"So what, you're wearing soup cans now? Apparently I didn't credit enough stupidity to your name." the dark-haired girl said.

"You actually know enough to come up with an insult like that? Wow, seems I didn't credit enough vocabulary skill to your name." Kaneki shot back.

"You insulting my brain?" Touka asked.

"No, I'm insulting your vocabulary." Kaneki replied (from aisle ten of the Soup Emporium, where his white hair was garnering more than a few stares.)

"Oh I'll SHOW you vocabulary!" She proceeded to spit a few unsavory words into the phone.

"Oh really now?" Kaneki said after her tirade, sounding slightly amused.

"NOW I WANNA HEAR YOUR VOCABULARY, YOU SHITTY LITTLE CENTIPEDE!"

"Turn on your Skype." He didn't sound very scared, Touka decided.

"Why should I- did you just hang up on me?!" Touka yelled at the phone. It just flashed an alert saying she had a Skype request. She growled and turned it on.

"Here-" Kaneki turned the camera to give her a panoramic view of the aisle- "is the soup store. Now where are the raincoats? I know they sell them here, and I know you know where they are. Now where are they?"

"I don't know from here, Grammar Nazi Asshole! Show me the rest of the store!"

"Starting from where, the bathrooms? You want to see the hive of scum and villainy known as the men's room?"

"I don't care! I live in a hive of scum and villainy, after all!"

"Not as bad as that!"

Touka opened her jagged-toothed mouth over the camera. "Smell my bad breath through the phone!" she yelled at him.

"Smell mine!" he yelled back.

"I can smell your bad breath from across the city!" she retorted.

"No you can't! Your breath just smells so bad , even you can smell it and you want to blame your stench on me!"

Never argue with a literature student, Touka decided.

"If I stank that much, Hide would've informed me of it by now!"

"No, Hide's too afraid of being dismembered to tell you. I, on the other hand, you can't dismember."

"You sayin' something about my strength?" Touka snapped.

"Well- there was about to be a but-"

"YOU'RE A BUTT!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE THEN! IF I'M A BUTT, I'LL FART IN YOUR FACE!"

Awkward silence ensued over both ends of the phone line.

"Um." Touka broke the silence.

"I kinda want to fake fart now just for the heck of it..." Kaneki said quietly.

"You fake fart and I will murder your face."

Washuu managed to pause the tapped phone conversation. The entire council of the top-ranking CCG officers was doubled over the conference table in various states of laughter. Arima and Shinohara were actually leaning on each other with tears streaming down their faces. About five minutes later, conversation in the room resumed, allowing for quiet chuckles every now and again.

"So- these are our prime s-suspects for the g-ghouls Eyepatch and Rabbit?" Arima asked.

"Yes..." Shinohara said, collapsing into a giggling fit.

'This will be a long meeting...' Yoshitoki Washuu thought, chuckling to himself.