Warning: this story begins very darkly and deals with grieving a loved one but it gets lighter as you go along. Also I promise that the story gets better the further along you read, so even though the first few paragraphs are dark, don't be fooled. This story gets very light and humourous and romantic later on :) Pinky swear.

~Sky Full of Stars~

"The ones that love us never really leave us."

Pairing: Hermione/Sirius
Inspiration: Sky Full of Stars - Coldplay
Rating: M
Summary:
"I'm right here," he sighed as he grabbed her hand in his own. It was
warm and rough and felt so real as his larger hand encircled her fingers
and rubbed at her palm.

Hermione was so exhausted and starved that she could barely move anymore. Since Sirius Black's death, she refused to eat or speak to anyone. All she did was cry, and lay on her bed, wishing for sleep but not even sleep could take away the pain she felt inside her. Because she never told Sirius she was in love with him. And now nothing could bring him back or give her the wasted chances she never took.

Sirius' last few months of life had been dark and lonely in Grimmauld Place with only his mother's portrait and Kreacher for company, when it could have been filled with warmth and love. With her kisses and affection, with her fingers through his hair, telling him she loved him and would never leave him. That she needed him and wanted him to take her, body and soul. Yet his tragic life had ended with an ever more tragic and solitary end. The life he spent wrongly accused in prison, surrounded by Dementors and haunted memories, only to escape yet never find his way back fully into the light. He died only two years after his escape from Azkaban, a time he spent as a fugitive and house prisoner. And then he died without ever knowing how much he was loved and needed.

Hermione broke down into new spasms of tears. She should have no water left in her body by now but the tears still came running angry, hot and aching. Her whole body doubled up in sobs.

Sirius should've been wrapped in her arms, their bodies entwined together, keeping each other safe. Her love might have saved his life, if only she had been with him at Grimmauld Place instead of leaving him alone. But she had never took the risk. Her fear and pride had prevented her from putting it all out there and taking a chance, whether Sirius laughed at her or loved her and the whole world scorned her for wanting to be with a broken man decades older than her.

It was so painfully obvious now that it didn't matter what other people thought. Their opinions didn't matter if she could just hold onto the beautiful man she loved. She would give anything to have the chance back. She didn't care anymore what anyone thought or said. It was why she didn't even care to go back to Hogwarts right now or answer any of the letters piling up. She had learned the hard way what the cost of pride was. She would be haunted for the rest of her life by that price. By the loss of a man so painfully beautiful and so obviously in need of love that she could barely think of him now without breaking apart.

In between her empty cries she could hardly breathe anymore. It felt as if her lungs were shutting down from grief, as if her whole body refused to go further without Sirius. She knew she was too young to give up on life but the thought of a future without him felt so wrong she wasn't sure she could take it. And she hated herself. She hated herself because she had waited for the right time to tell him, to show him her love. But the right time never came. It turns out the wrong time was the only time they had together and she had let time slip through her fingers like precious pearls. Now there was nothing she could do to bring him back. She could never tell him or hold him.

"Sirius I'm so sorry. I should've told you," she mumbled outloud in between sobs, "Even if you had died anyways, I should've used whatever time we had to be together. I will always regret it."

Fresh tears fell down her face as she looked at the night sky outside her window and immediately spotted Sirius' star. His star, of the Canus major constellation, burned a radiant blue and was one of the brightest among millions of other stars. It almost made her smile through her tears. Sirius had been just like his star, achingly beautiful and larger than life.

"...I love you Sirius. I always will," she whispered as she looked up at his star.

Her hair was matted to her face with tears, and she was all alone, but somehow making this small confession outloud made her pain reduce by a tiny fragment.

Hermione lay back down in her bed and continued to stare up at the sky.

His star burned and shimmered as beautiful as ever but felt so far away, like Sirius himself. It would probably take millions of lightyears for a person to reach it. An eternity seemed to pass as she stared up at his star before her eyes finally closed by themselves. Her exhausted body drifted off into a deep sleep for what might have been hours or perhaps even a few days. No one knew where she was and she had lost track of time. Perhaps if she grieved here any longer without eating she would die. Though she didn't care right now. She didn't want to wake up. She didn't want to go back to Hogwarts and act like everything was normal and Harry was the only one with something to grieve. If grief was the only thing she had left of Sirius, she refused to let go. She refused to have nothing left of him at all.

She dreamt she was back in the Department of Mysteries running down the black hallway but each time she tried to reach him it was too late. He had slipped away from her fingers again and to the other side. She stood at the threshold of the Veil, contemplating following Sirius to the other side. Uncertain where it would take her. Of where it would go or if she would even find him again. As if the Veil were nothing more than a dramatic curtain behind which he was hidden.

"Sirius, are you there?" she called out, "If you are, tell me and I will follow you. I will..."

No reply came from the Veil except a cold, humming breeze as it continued to flap like an invitation to death. She outstretched her hand and felt the cold air gently flowing out of it.

.

Hermione awoke back in her room with a start. She was laying face down on her bed but there was something different.

There was a weight shifting on her bed.

For a moment she panicked as she realized that it couldn't be Crookshanks because she hadn't brought him with her. But then a voice spoke and her heart nearly stopped.

"Wake up."

Her heart was beating wildly but she didn't dare move or open her eyes. Because she knew that voice and she knew this was a dream and she didn't want to wake up.

"Wake up," the voice repeated, this time in her ear.

The feel of his breathe against her neck made her tremble as if she were on fire, it felt as if he was really here beside her. She shut her eyes even tighter,
not daring to let this moment go.

The voice chuckled softly, "I know you're already awake, Hermione."

A tear began to form in her eye. Because it felt so good to hear him say her name. She didn't think she'd ever get to hear it again.

"No," she said firmly, "I don't want to let you go."

Suddenly she felt a hand on her cheek and Hermione almost jumped out of her skin. Her heartbeat was now doing somersaults.

She gasped as his hand traced down her cheek to her neck before going back up to wipe the tear from her eye. It was such a simple gesture, sweet and thoughtful, just as Sirius had been in real life.

"Just open your eyes, love," he whispered.

A long moment seemed to pass before she gathered the strength to reply, "No, I miss you too much. I don't want you to leave me."

His voice was a delicate poison that went through to her aching soul, "The ones that love us never really leave us, Hermione."

She shook her head and tried not to break down in tears, "No, that's a lie. You left me, you died."

"I'm right here," he sighed as he grabbed her hand in his own. It was warm and rough and felt so real as his larger hand encircled her fingers and rubbed at her palm.

Hermione was so tempted to open her eyes. She didn't know what to think anymore. If this was a dream, it was the realest dream she had ever had. She could feel Sirius breathe on her skin. She could feel Sirius weight shift on the bed. She could even inhale Sirius' soft masculine scent. But she still couldn't believe it. Life didn't give you second chances, not beyond death.

He laughed softly, "You're as stubborn as ever, I see."

"I know," she whispered, though she was so tense now she was almost shaking.

"It's why I loved you," he said.

Hermione lost it. Her heart broke into two. She knew this couldn't really Sirius but hearing any semblance of him say he loved her was enough. She began to sob uncontrollably. But this time she didn't cry alone, Sirius held her in his strong arms and she felt his whole body against hers.

"I'm here Hermione, I never really left you," he murmured into her hair as she sobbed into his shoulder.

"Show me," she sobbed while using all her self-restraint to not open her eyes, "Show me you're really here."

"Well if you insist..."

Suddenly he grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her, a soft peck at first but then rougher and needier as he held her against him. Hermione gasped in shock and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Her hands immediately went to entangle themselves in his long hair. He was real, merlin, he was real. Without thinking she opened her eyes. He was right there, looking exactly as he had in real life except that he now lay beside her in her bed, kissing her madly. Whether this was a dream or not, she didn't care anymore. He was here now.

"Oh, god Sirius," she groaned as his hands moved down over her thigh.

Her grief had only amplified her need.

"I need you so bad," she sobbed.

He suddenly shifted her beneath him so that he was crouched above her.

Hermione's eyes widened for the slightest second. But then she closed her eyes and continued kissing him as if she would die without his touch, though in a way she was asking for the opposite.

.

"I love you," she managed to whimper in between kisses.

"I know. I heard you when you were looking up at the stars," his lips moved down to her neck.

"Is that where you went?" she couldn't help asking because even though she was overwhelmed to have Sirius with her, telling her he loved her, it had not shut off the part of her brain that bristled with a thousand questions.

He chuckled against her throat, "I can't tell you that Hermione, I'm not allowed. To make this visit I have to follow some rules, and that includes not revealing too much about the afterlife."

Hermione suddenly felt angered by the reminder that he wasn't really alive, and that he couldn't tell her about the afterlife. She shifted away from him and pushed his warm hands away.

"Then why are you here?" she glared at him though it was hard to stay angry at him.

His beautiful grey eyes were mournful. She immediately regretted being harsh with him. He traced his finger languidly across her arm.

"If we are needed by someone, We are allowed to visit one last time," he said slowly, "in our human form, before we have to leave forever."

Hermione stopped breathing. She felt like she was going to faint.

"You mean you can't...?"

He held onto her hand, holding tightly as if saying wordlessly he never wanted to let her go, "No, I can't come back, not in this physical form...If I did return, it could not be as Sirius Black."

Hermione choked on the air. She felt like she was losing him a second time, and it was even more painful now knowing that he loved her.

"Breathe," he said gently.

She shook her head. She didn't want to breathe, she wanted to die.

"Breathe," he said again and tapped her back. Immediately her lungs began to breathe normally against her will.

She breathed in and out for a moment before crying in desperation, "If you can't stay, I want to go with you where you're going!"

Sirius smiled sadly, "It's not your time, Hermione. Understand that. You have to stay here."

"Why do you want to leave me alone?!"

"You won't be alone. Your family, Harry, Ron, all love you very much, you can't leave them. Promise me you'll never try to go on purpose."

He grabbed her by the shoulders and made her look up at him, "Promise me!"

When she didn't answer, he kissed her roughly and Hermione felt her whole body burn from his touch.

So many different things raced through her mind but as he broke the kiss and she stared up into his grey eyes only one thing made sense to her grief-stricken mind, "I'll promise on one condition."

"What is that?"

"That you'll try to find your way back to me," she said stubbornly, "And don't try to tell me you can't do it, because you escaped Azkaban, if anyone can do it it's you!"

Sirius smiled sadly. His face was younger, like in his marauder days, but still with a heavy heart in his grey eyes.

"Death is a little different Hermione." He brushed her hair out of her face, "I'm afraid you think I'm greater than I am."

"Don't say you can't," she cried, refusing to let go of hope.

He smiled again. "I'll try Hermione. I promise I'll try."

That was good enough for now. She pulled him down onto the sheets, not wasting any time to hold him while she had him.

.

"When do you have to leave?"

"Before the sun rises."

Hermione looked at the clock, it was 4am. She wanted to scream and destroy the whole room in her rage. Though she knew that wouldn't do any good and it would just wreck the last moments they had together.

A sob escaped her lips and she hit out at his chest with her fist because she knew it was true.

So instead she crawled into his arms and they lay together quietly in bed, Sirius murmuring sweet nothings in her ear while Hermione held onto him so tightly she hoped she could trick death. As if by clutching his hands and body so tightly around hers, there was no way death could take him away from her unless he took them together. But as the sunrise started to burn the sky with orange and purple light, the constellations began to fade from view and she knew she was losing him. He didn't have to say anything though she was gripping him so tightly he would've already lost his circulation if he weren't already dead.

"I love you Hermione," he kissed her cheek one last time.

"Please don't leave, please don't leave me, please!" she screamed madly as he started to fade.

"It's alright Hermione, I won't really be gone," he said quietly as he disappeared in a flash of white light.

He was gone.

If it weren't for her promise, Hermione would've been tempted to slash her wrists in order to follow him to the other side. Instead she doubled over and sobbed silent screams.

.

It would be another two days before Ron and Harry broke down the door and forcibly took her to the hospital wing to recover. Neither Harry or Ron yet understood why Sirius' death had shaken her so much. Though the truth became obvious on its own, as people began to connect the dots, they ever said anything to Hermione. Harry knew that if she didn't bring up the subject herself, it meant she didn't want to talk about it. They didn't talk about why Hermione now always looked up at the stars at night or why astronomy became her obsession after Sirius' death. They didn't talk about why Ron and Hermione's relationship never seemed to go anywhere, after several years of dating and Ron's patience.

It was only brought up, finally by Ron, when she had turned down his marriage proposal after graduation.

"It's him isn't it?!" Ron growled, his face red with humiliation and tears, "You're still thinking of him after all these years. I don't know how can love a pervert who would touch a 16 year old girl!"

She knew she shouldn't have said anything but she slapped Ron hard on the face. "You know nothing about Sirius or I, Sirius was a good man and my only wish is that he had touched me!"

Ron's face was a mixture of disgust and heartbreak. Hermione had never seen him so upset. Red blotches appeared on his face in pure fury.

"Fine," he yelled, "Rot alone thinking of some dead wanker! I've had enough!"

They didn't talk for months after that, despite Harry's attempts to bring them together, but eventually Ron apologized for losing his temper and Hermione also said sorry for hurting Ron. It was only a while later that Ron announced his engagement to Luna, and Hermione was invited to their wedding. Despite the many rumours to the contrary, Hermione was genuinely happy for Ron and Luna. At her core, Hermione knew that she had hurt Ron much more than he had hurt her by not being more honest with her feelings. Though she couldn't always understand her own heart completely...or why it refused to let go of an impossible hope.

.

Hermione gave Harry a tight-lipped smile and went to stand beside him as the wedding procession music began to play. Harry was best man, of course, and looked dapper in a black suit. But Hermione knew he was worried about her and he wasn't completely happy about Ron's marriage.

"Don't get me wrong, Luna is a great woman," Harry said quietly, so that none of the other guests could hear, "still I always thought it would be you and Ron marrying."

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm alright, Harry? Ron and I were never meant to be. It's my fault really for not telling him sooner."

Harry frowned. "Tell him what exactly?"

"That I couldn't love him the same way I was supposed to," she said, trying to keep emotion out of her voice.

"But why is that, Hermione? Why were you never able to love Ron when he loved you so much and waited for you so long. Tell me the truth," Harry pleaded with a deeply seated hurt in his eyes.

Hermione looked around the crowd of wedding guests, at the many hundreds of faces who had gathered at the Burrow to attend one of the Golden Trio's wedding. There were many red-headed guests from the Weasley family, including the very vocal Molly Weasley who had sent Hermione several howlers over
the years for breaking her son's heart. There were also many workers from the Ministry where Ron's father, and now Ron himself, worked. They were several important figures from the wizarding world, including the Minister of Magic himself and the new Hogwarts headmaster.

Hermione exhaled loudly.

Four years ago she would've been frightened of what such people thought of her, as if their opinions could wound her more than not being true to her heart. How wrong she had been.

Hermione suddenly felt very certain about what she needed to say.

She turned to Harry and said strongly, not caring if anyone else heard, "I never felt that way about Ron because I love Sirius," she took a deep breath, "And I realize now, I always will."

Harry's green eyes opened a bit widely but he looked more relieved than shocked. "I know," he said slowly and shook his head, "I mean I never knew for certain, but I thought you did."

"Is it shocking?" Hermione asked though she was secure enough to know it didn't matter whether the truth was shocking or not. The truth was the truth.

Harry grabbed her hand and held it, "If I'm honest, if you had told me that while he was alive, I might've hated you for it. But a lot has happened since then, and I saw how much you suffered when he died."

She nodded but said nothing. She was still not ready to talk about his death just yet, at least not without crying.

Harry smiled sadly though there were tears threatening to come out of his eyes, "Actually, it's good to hear you say it, Mione, get it off your shoulders...though..."

"What is it?" Hermione asked weakly.

"Did anything happen-?" Harry's eyes betrayed hurt and fear. Hermione realized Harry must have been worried about this for a long time. Worried and uncertain, not sure he wanted to know, if his godfather had ever acted inappropriately with the young girl who was his best friend.

"Nothing happened," she said, "Not while he was alive."

"Oh...I mean not that that's..."

Harry didn't seem to pick up on what she meant by the line 'not while he was alive'. But that was okay. That moment was private, probably only been a dream.

"I was worried."

"It's alright, Harry," she tapped his back, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. Though I wouldn't be ashamed now if something had happened."

Harry and Hermione remained holding hands as Luna came walking down the aisle towards Ron.

For a moment everything felt right.

"By the way, I never asked, but how did you know where to find me that day?"

"You mean when you were grieving right after Sirius' death?"

"Yes."

"It's the strangest thing but we received a letter from someone telling us exactly where you were."

Hermione felt her heartbeat quicken.

"Did it say who it was from?"

"No," Harry said, his green eyes observing her very intently, "It didn't say but it was delivered by Sirius' old owl." He pressed her hand tighter and she realized she was shaking.

.

Two years later...

She was standing in a train platform when her eyes stopped on a face in the crowd. She had never seen him before but he walked right up to her.

"Hello," he smiled.

.

.

.

"You're a sky full of stars,

because you light up the more it gets dark,

I want to give you my heart.

And I don't care, go on and tear me apart." -Coldplay

.

.

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A/N: Just would like to add, that there is nothing underage in this story or any of my stories. It was implied that Hermione had a crush or loved Sirius during Order of the Phoenix, but that he never acted inappropriately towards her. I wrote it that way because when I was 15 I had a massive crush on Sirius.

Please review :)