The triangular theory of hate

Pairing: Shizaya

Rating: M

Disclaimer: Of course DRRR is not mine.

Warning: Swearing, very long dialogues and weird breaklines.

Note: Finally the second part is done! And it didn't take me 9 months this time! (just 6 -_-) Anyway if people were still waiting for this fic to be updated, I thank you for your patience!

English is still not my first languages, so big thanks to ScarlettDreamXO for beta-ing that chapter!

Well without further ado! Enjoy!

II – Commitment:
decision to remain with each other and to make plans for the future

CHATROOM

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Kanra: HEIWAJIMA SHIZUO SUCKS AT SEX!

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Tanaka Taro: EH!?

Setton: Σ(O_Oil!) sноск!!?

Saika: ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

Setton: Wa- What!? Come on, Kanra-san, you must be joking.

Kanra: I jest you not!

Setton: B-But that's… there's no way…

Kanra: Oh my, it wasn't in my intention to shock you or anything. I'm just repeating what I heard. Tanaka Taro-san, Saika-san, everything all right over there?

[Private mode] Setton: Kanra-san.

[Private mode] Kanra: Oh, Setton-san, you, using the private mode, it's so unusual! What is it?

[Private mode] Setton: About what you said…

Saika: I'm sorry!

Tanaka Taro: Lol, why are you apologizing?

Kanra: Ah, he's back.

Tanaka Taro: … wah, that surprises me! I was drinking tea, you know, and nearly spit it on my screen.

[Private mode] Kanra: Hm? Oh! That was so surprising, wasn't it!? There's no way I would have guessed!

[Private mode] Setton: Do you think it's true?

Kanra: Ah, ah for real? Sorry about that. Tehee~

[Private mode] Kanra: Well… it was supposed to be a private conversation, and I just happened to be there and overheard… So I don't think Orihara had any reasons to lie?

[Private mode] Setton: But… It can't be…! Shizuo isn't the type to…

[Private mode] Kanra: Right? Shizuo-san looks way too hot to be a bad lover.

[Private mode] Setton: Eh?

Tanaka Taro: Somehow I feel like the rating infringement of this chatroom is going more and more overboard, each day.

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[Private mode] Kanra: I mean, don't you hear that a lot? The usual misconception that just because someone is handsome and cool and all, that person can't possibly be bad at sex? Especially in romance novels, mangas, animes, movies etc… Being 'good at sex' seems to be an innate skill which comes with the whole package of being the protagonist or the cool character of a story. So by the same logic, for Shizuo-san who is so strong and is so hot and handsome… it wouldn't be strange to think of him as a true beast in bed, right?

[Private mode] Setton: K-Kanra-san, that's a little bit…

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Kanra: Eh?

Setton: Really?

Kanra: There's a rating?

Setton: I didn't know there was a rating at all.

Saika: Me neither.

Tanaka Taro: EH? Why am I the only one knowing about it? And wait, Kanra-san! As the admin aren't you supposed to know about that kind of thing?

Kanra: Why, yes, but it's been a while… ( ;￢_￢)But I think I did put something like that in the rules at some point…..

Kanra: Wait…

[Private mode] Kanra: Don't tell me you never thought about it, Setton-san?

[Private mode] Setton: Never!

Kanra: Does it mean, I must be banned from this chatroom? Eh! Please don't make me ban myself! .·´¯`(-▂-)´¯`·.

Setton: LOL, Kanra-san, what are you saying? There's no way we would do that.

[Private mode] Setton: Ah, I mean… I already have someone I l-love, so I would feel like I was betraying that person if I thought about someone else that way… and, and I'm just not interested in that kind of things in the first place, so…

[Private mode] Kanra: Ah, I see… Setton-san… You're truly admirable. At this time and period, it's so rare to find someone like you. That person must be really lucky.

[Private mode] Setton: Ah no… Rather, I think I'm the one who is lucky to have him. Since he had accepted me and loved me despite, or maybe because, the fact that I'm different… And even if sometimes I don't like some of his actions, I feel really lucky and grateful to be the one he loves…

[Private mode] Setton: B-but that wasn't really the subject, right?

Kanra: Really?

Setton: Yes really.

Tanaka Taro: Yeah, it's fine, since apparently no one knew about it anyway.

[Private mode]Kanra: Hm, we were talking about Heiwajima Shizuo's skills or rather lack of, right? Like I said, Shizuo-san seems to be the type who would be ridiculously good at it.

Kanra: I see, I see. But now that I know, I can't continue on disregarding my own rules, so everyone please just forget about everything I just said, ne?

[Private mode] Kanra: But well, in reality, it never happens like that… Obviously everyone would want to be a good lover and makes their partner feels really good. But I think it's not as easy as everyone believes…

[Private mode] Setton: Oh…

Tanaka Taro: I don't think I can forget even if I wanted to, though.

Setton: Same here.

Saika: I can't forget, I'm sorry.

Kanra: Eh? Everyone please make an effort, my integrity is in line here!

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"Celty, I'm home…~ "

Celty who had been entirely focused on the screen in front of her, jumped as she heard a familiar voice from the entrance.

Shinra is back…. Is it already this late? I didn't notice at all!

She was about to go welcome him, when another ting from the computer caught her attention. It was a private message from Kanra-san.

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[Private mode] Kanra: Especially in this case.

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Eh?

Celty scrolled up the log, thinking not for the first time, that it was hard to keep everything straight when you were having two conversations at the same time. Typing fast enough wasn't really a problem for her, since she could use her shadows to speed up her pace, but remembering who had said what turned out to be quite difficult after a while.

But Kanra-san seems to be able to do that without much problem though…. Ah but Mikado could probably do it too… Ah youngsters truly are incredible these days…. She thought as she typed her answer.

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[Private mode] Setton: What do you mean?

Kanra: Ah! You just thought 'Lol what integrity?' didn't you?! ( Ĭ ^ Ĭ ). Ah you guys are so mean!

Tanaka Taro: Lol, you're overreacting, Kanra-san. Nobody said or thought that.

Saika: Sorry.

Kanra: Waaaahh!

[Private mode]Kanra: Well you know even when it's done with a girl, it can hurt or be uncomfortable if the guy doesn't know what he's doing… So when it's between two guys…

Tanaka Taro: Lol, I've got the feeling of having seen that kind of scene before… Saika-san, are you doing it on purpose?

Saika: Sorry….

Kanra: Everyone is bullying poor Kanra-chan. Sniff, Sniff.

[Private mode]Kanra: I don't really know how it works and to be honest I don't really want to know, but it must be even worse, right?

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"Celty?" Came a cheerful voice from the door, as Shinra slipped inside the room, "Celty, are you – wah!"

The moment he had stepped inside, a small device was shoved in his face.

[SHINRA!]

The underground doctor's face which had been surprised at first morphed into a goofy expression as he spread his arms in preparation for a hug, "Ah! Celty, seeing you rush towards me like that and calling my name so passionately, I'm so happy – "

Except that he ended up hugging empty air, as Celty had instinctively dodged the 'love attack' and was tapping frantically on her PDA. [There's something I need to ask you!]

"Of course, Celty, you can ask me anything you want ~." Shinra answered immediately.

Celty fidgeted slightly. [You'll probably think that it came out of nowhere….]

[It's a really weird question…]

"?" Shinra tilted his head to the side.

[And it's embarrassing…..] ("Wah, Celty is so cute when she's embarrassed – gah!" Celty punched him with one hand, while the other one continued to tap on the device) [… to be honest I don't really want to know….B-but I have to…. So…I'm going to ask now!]

"Hm, hm." Shinra nodded, "What is it?"

[How does sex works between two men?]

"….Eh?" Shinra's mind went overdrive because Oh my God, Celty said 'sex'!, but then it wentblank for three whole seconds at the completely unexpected question, before it finally managed to catch up with reality, "C-Celty?! Eh! Could it be….you want to have a threesome!?"

[I don't. What kind of reasoning was that, anyway?!]

"Or you want to watch while – Ah! No way! I can't, I only have eyes for your sweet, soft and beautiful body – ack! "

[I told you it wasn't that!]

Even as he was wheezing to catch his breath after having been punched multiple time in the plexus, he still smiled fondly at her. "I wouldn't want to share my sweet Celty with anyone…. Celty is mine, right? Just like I'm yours…"

[Shinra….] A puff of shadow escaped from her neck, in her own version of a very embarrassed blush.

"Ah, but I wouldn't mind having two Celtys though."

[Ha!?]

What do you mean you wouldn't mind? I would! I definitely would! Why would you need two of me, when you already have me? Am I not enough for you, anymore?

Specks of a conversation with Izaya about another Dullahan appearing and snatching Shinra away suddenly re-surged into her mind.

But as if sensing her inner turmoil, Shinra was quick to explain himself.

"Don't be mad, Celty…What I mean is…. Celty is the type to get easily embarrassed if I show you too much affection, right? Like that…" Two arms circled around her as she was pressed in a warm but very tender hug, "Which means that even if I love you so much, I can't convey my love as much I as I would like to. So if there were two of you, I could show you twice as much of how much I love you."

Aaah! Why is Shinra always saying such embarrassing things!?

Sporadic amounts of shadows puffed out of her neck as she tried to regain control of her emotions. She thought she had become immune to Shinra's devotion by now, but somehow he always seemed to be able to surprise her. Even now, after all that time spent together.

But…. Somehow, it makes me want to be the one surprising him for once….

[I'll take in everything you give me, no matter how embarrassing…] She typed, as her shadows moved to wrap themselves around Shinra, pulling him even more into their embrace. […so don't show your love to anyone else…. Even if it's another version of me.]

Ah… Not so long ago, she would probably have punched him out of embarrassment or something of the like…. But to think that she would actually respond like that….

Love really does make people do strange things… She thought fondly, as she relished on the sensation of Shinra's fast-beating heart against her.

"Aaah…. Celty is so manly!" Shinra gushed, his eyes sparkling behind his glasses, "It looks like you're trying to seduce me."

She paused, trying to remember a scene in a drama she had seen recently, and then slowly typed in a way she hoped could be interpreted as flirty, [I was.]

[How's that…. Did you fall for me all over again?]

Her words were followed by a short pause, as if Shinra had difficulty to process what happened, before his face went beat red and his heart raced against his chest as he nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! Yes! I did! Of course I did. There's no way I can't fall in love with you, Celty…. Even if I suddenly lost my memories, I'm one hundred percent sure I'll fall for you again! Even if I suddenly stumbled into a parallel world and –"

[Okay, I get it!] Celty interrupted him.

"Ah what should I do, Celty? My heart is beating so fast, I might die if it continues! ~ "

[Eh?! Calm down Shinra! ]

"But I'm so happy!" He protested, with a big grin on his face, "When Celty is responding to my love like this, even if you copied that cheap line from a low rated drama –"

[Oi!]

" – there's no way I couldn't be happy! Say, say, Celty, let's do it again! And this time I'll even add a "kyaa" and a 'doki'…. Oh, or a wall slam! Let's do a wall slam. Celty would be so manly and sexy!"

[Somehow my enthusiasm seems to have been drained out.] She deadpanned.

"Eh? No way! And here I was mentally preparing myself!"

Her shoulders shook as she silently chuckled.

Shinra tilted his head to the side, making a sort of contemplative noise, "Ah, but come to think of it, if there were really two Celtys, then there's a high probability I'd die for real." He said matter-of-factly.

[Why?]

The underground doctor grinned, "I'd be so happy that my heart beat would probably go into overdrive. Ah but I wouldn't mind dying that way though."

[I would! Geez what are you saying?]

"But it's true…. Then what about you, Celty?"

[Hm?]

"What would you do if there were two of me?"

Eh? If there were two Shinra….?

She tried to picture two Shinra fussing over her, each as overwhelming as the other, each as intense and honest in their affections as the other.

[I might die….] She answered, as a long shudder ran down her spine. [From too much love.] Or from too much embarrassment.

"Can you even die?" Shinra wondered, tilting his head to the side, and then said in a reassuring tone, "But don't worry, Celty, even if there were two me, you wouldn't die."

'No, that was just a figure of speech, of course I won't die' was what she was about to type, but halfway through it she changed her mind and instead went with a simple and wary [Why?]

Shinra smiled sweetly, "Because I'd kill the other me before he had the chance to come near you."

! Eh? What? H-how… Gh! What are saying? And with such a smile!

She was still trying to figure out how to answer, taping and deleting her words repeatedly, when Shinra's voice finally brought her back to reality.

"Ah I see…." He commented airily, as if he hadn't just utter something truly disturbing a few minutes earlier.

She 'looked' up, realizing that at some point, while she had been busy gathering her wits, Shinra had moved towards the computer. He was now staring at the bright screen, scrolling up the log of her chat conversation, "… that's why you wanted to – Wah!"

[Don't read through other people conversation so shamelessly! That's private!] She said, nearly shoving the device in his face as she hurried over to stop him.

"Eh, but I was curious as to why Celty would ask those kind of questions so suddenly!" Shinra justified himself, not showing any trace of guilt on his face, "But I get it now! You're worried about Orihara-kun, right? Aaah, even though you hate his guts, you're still worried about him! Celty has such a good heart!"

[It's not like that!] Celty protested, [I'm only concerned about it because Shizuo is involved….]

"Awww…. Celty is always showing so much consideration towards Shizuo-kun!"

[Of course, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't?! What about you, then? Aren't you worried about Izaya?]

Shinra blinked as if the concept of being worried about Izaya was foreign to him, "I don't really care."

[Shinra, you… Aren't you supposed to be his friend?]

"Well yes, I am. But we're talking about a guy who messes around with people's life as a hobby, pisses people of for fun and thinks that jumping from roofs to roofs while dodging vending machines is a legit way of transportation! Three-quarters of Ikebukuro is probably wishing for his death right now, the last quarter is either his new victims (who'll quickly be relocated into the first category as soon as he'll be done with them), his followers or people who don't know him yet. If I started to worry about that guy, there'll be no end to it!"

[Shinra ….]

"Which means that I wouldn't have time to think about Celty anymore!"

And to think that I thought you might be a decent friend for a moment….

"Wah! Celty what's with that cold expression?"

[Nothing… Anyway, what do you think of what Kanra-san said?]

"Well that might actually be true."

[Eh?!]

"Homosexual intercourse could really be painful if the preparation wasn't done properly beforehand, since men don't self-lubricate naturally…. In fact, if you're not careful it can even causes medical problems later on for the person at the receiving end…." Shinra explained, with a straight face.

As for herself, Celty was trying very hard not to cringe at his words. They were bringing images and knowledge to her mind that she would have gladly live without. There was just something very disturbing at having to imagine your best friend having sex.

[But Shizuo hates violence! He would never hurt willingly someone he cares enough about to have sex with!]

"That's true…." He answered thoughtfully, "Shizuo-kun would probably be the type to be extra careful because of his strength…."

[Right?] Celty typed hopefully.

"Ah but Shizuo-kun doesn't have much experience, does he? He might actually not know what he is supposed to do."

[That's…. true.]

"Besides, it's Orihara-kun we're talking about here…" Shinra chirped, "…. His ability to be naturally obnoxious and to bring the worst out of people seems to be pretty effective on Shizuo-kun….I wouldn't put it above him to say something that would make Shizuo-kun snap at the worst possible timing."

[….]

Celty's shoulders slumped, because no matter how much she believed in Shizuo, she could imagine something like that happening so clearly that it was scary.

"But if that matter really worries you that much….Why don't you call Shizuo-kun and ask him directly? It might clear everything up…" Shinra suggested.

[That's a little bit….]

"Hm you're right…. Calling him to ask about how violent in bed he is with Orihara-kun, one hour after having congratulated him for his paradigm shift…. Is probably too much."

[And I don't think Shizuo would appreciate us bucking into his business without being ask….Especially something as private as his s-sex life.]

Yes that was it! There was no reason whatsoever to mull over it because even if what Kanra-san said was true, she didn't have any right to interfere! Besides, how could she explain to Shizuo the way she managed to get that information? Shizuo would probably be furious if he knew that some random (or not so random) people in a chatroom were gossiping about his private life!

That's decided! No matter what happens, except if Shizuo asks for advice on that particular subject, I'm not going to interfere! I'm not going to interfere! I'm not going to –

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Shinra ～～❤⃛❤⃛(つˆДˆ)つﾉ ｡^; )ﾉ Celty

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I ended up interfering! Celty thought dejectedly, as her helmet slump slightly forward. Behind her, she could feel agitated movement as Shizuo was trying to free himself from her shadow.

Half a day. Her resolution not to interfere lasted only half a day.

She had been on her way to a job, her mind still twirling about that matter, when she had heard the huge commotion – which could only be caused by Shizuo – not far from her. At first she had been set on avoiding him, as she wasn't sure she'd be able to resist the temptation of questioning Shizuo…. But that huge crash had been followed by another, and another, and another…. and another, and when it had become clear that it wouldn't be finished anytime soon, she found herself making an abrupt U-turn and driving right back towards where she guessed Shizuo was. Because there had been only few logical assumptions she could have made out of it: Shizuo was either fighting an army or he had crossed path with Izaya.

I'll just watch how they're interacting with each other…. Nothing else…. I'm not interfering or anything, just watching! Had been her thought as she sped up.

But when she had heard Shizuo saying such a thing, her body had reacted on its own, and before she knew it…She was already halfway to Kawagoe Highway with a bundle of struggling shadow as an extra-luggage!

She sighed heavily, her helmet dropping even more.

Ah, what should I do? Shizuo…. He's definitely mad, isn't he? Well that's normal… Everyone would be mad, if they were suddenly kidnapped without reasons, right?

As if to confirm her thought, Shizuo made a particularly jerky movement, stretching the shadow confinement so much that for one second she thought he'd manage to break it. Thankfully it didn't, but her bike did start to sway dangerously because of that.

As expected of Shizuo…. His strength is really nothing to scoff at…. But please, I beg of you, hold back a little bit more! We're almost there!

Out of all the times she had ever given Shizuo a ride, this time was probably the most precarious and dangerous she had to deal with and that included that one time when Shizuo had jumped mid-ride off of a bridge because he had caught sight of a certain someone being up to no good on the sidewalk below. (How Shizuo had even managed to see let alone recognize him from so far away was a total mystery to her, but some things were probably best left unknown.)

So, it wasn't an understatement to say that she was immensely relieved when a familiar building complex finally came into view. Parking the bike into her attributed parking lot, she stared at the huge ball of shadow, which was currently withholding the strongest man of Ikebukuro, the same way one looked when faced with the prospect of having to do a task they were very reluctant to do.

Slowly the shadows started to dissipate, retreating safely to her body and revealing a quite pissed Shizuo.

"Oi…. Celty…." He said ominously, his whole body shaking with barely restrained tension "You'd better have a good explanation for this….. Even if it's you, I won't let it slide that easily….."

[Of course!] The courier assured vehemently.

That seemed to appease Shizuo for the time being, as he nodded, taking a deep breath as if to gather back in all his previous anger. "Alright…. So what is it? Are you in trouble or something?"

Answering right now was probably the best solution since there was only so much leeway Shizuo would be willing to give her…. But somehow prying into her best friend sex life in a parking lot didn't felt right…. Well, prying into her best friend sex life wasn't right in the first place, but surely it was better to do that in private?

Internally nodding to herself, Celty started to walk towards the elevator and felt relieved when Shizuo started to follow her without a fuss. Only when the metallic doors closed on them and the elevator was set in motion, did she start to talk.

[I'm not in trouble…. Actually, it's not about me…]

She fiddled nervously with her PDA, wondering what the best way to broach such a delicate subject was.

[I'm worried about you and… Izaya too I guess.] The last part was very reluctantly added and only because she felt it would serve as a suitable transition.

Shizuo stared, "Ha? Why the hell would you be worried about me? And what the fuck does that shitty flea have to do with anything?" His expression darkened considerably as he came up with the most likely assumption, "That bastard! He did something again, didn't he?! Shitty plotting pest! Why must he always be up to something?! Arghhh that's it, I'm going back to fuck….ing kill him!"

Shizuo was jabbing repeatedly into the first floor button, as if it was going to make the elevator move quicker that way.

[Wah! Calm down, Shizuo!] Celty interfered, saving the button (and most likely the whole elevator) from a very certain destruction, [Izaya didn't do anything!]

Shizuo frowned, pausing in his jabbing, "But he is involved in whatever is bothering you, right?"

[Yes….]

"Then it's definitely his fault!"

[Eh?! Wait a minute, how can you say that? You don't even know what it's about yet!]

"No need." Shizuo answered with utmost confidence, "99% of strange things happening in 'Bukuro is that flea's fault. Especially with that kind of timing, the flea must be behind it this time too!"

This kind of timing? Celty thought, tilting her helmet to the side and question marks popping near it.

Shizuo must have interpreted her gesture for skepticism though, because he quickly went on. "Don't be fooled Celty. Even if you can't see it yet, 'cause the flea is good at covering his tracks and he's a manipulative bastard, but he's definitely the one causing it."

[That's….]

She didn't like Izaya. He was awful, manipulative and very irritating. But he was Shinra's friend (probably Shinra's best friend even) and he was giving her some jobs to do occasionally, so she had to deal with him a lot even though she didn't want to and thought he was the worst kind of human being ever.

After everything she had seen him do and heard from Shinra and Shizuo, she didn't have even one ounce of doubt concerning Izaya's true despicable nature….. So in any other situations she would have tended to agree with Shizuo on that matter…..

But this time…. There was no way Izaya could be the one behind it, right? After all, he didn't even know that she knew about that.

And the fact that, right now, she was feeling the need to defend such an asshole from Shizuo's words was really starting to irritate her. What was wrong with that situation, anyway!? Shouldn't it have been the other way around? Shouldn't Shizuo be the one defending Izaya? Those two were dating, right?!

[But somehow, I really don't think it's Izaya's fault this time….I mean, 99% isn't 100, right? Maybe you should believe in that one percent?]

Shizuo stared at her in bewilderment for a moment, making her wonder if she had said something she shouldn't have. But then his expression morphed into something she couldn't quite identify as he answered softly, "Nah, I guess I really can't…"

[…?]

"There's no way I can trust anything the flea says or does…. 'cause the moment I do, I'll probably end up deep down in trouble….I mean even when I don't trust him, I end up getting involved in his shitty plans, so if I make the mistake of trusting him, it'd be even worse." Shizuo elaborated with that same strange expression on his face, "The flea's a bastard and fucking perceptive, you know? He'd notice right away…He'd stab me in the back at the first opportunity and he'd cackle while stomping on my dying body….all the while managing to frame me for my own murder…"

She wondered why, even though Shizuo was saying such horrible thing about Izaya, his voice, tone and expression didn't match his words at all…. In fact it was as if the more he talked the more peaceful and softened his face become.

"But that's fine, it's just how the flea is….I've just gotta beat him up every time he's going overboard or annoying the shit out of me. Not that I can actually catch and keep him still long enough to beat him up in the first place….slippery bastard that he is. But y'know, there's something I've noticed, the flea is always whining about how unpredictable I am or about how I always tend to mess up his plans somehow…. But the thing is most of the time, I'm not even aware that I am messing his plans… So if he really wanted to wreak havoc without being interrupted, he'd just need to do it somewhere else…. Hell, he doesn't even need to go far, Shinjuku would be fine. So why always 'Bukuro? Maybe… Just maybe, I think that it's because he knows that there is someone here, who can and would stop him…" Shizuo paused at that, his eyes looking distant as he searched for his words.

Celty didn't dare to interrupt, afraid that if she said something right now, Shizuo would clamp up and stop talking.

It wasn't a weird occurrence for Shizuo to confide to her, on the contrary she'd lost count of the amount of time the both of them had talked about everything and nothing in particular. The same way, she'd lost count of how many times she had heard him complain and seethe against Izaya. But it was generally something along the line of 'that shitty flea was in 'Bukuro today, he's definitely up to something' or 'that damn flea, why the hell can't he leave me alone?!'.

It was actually only the second time she'd heard him sharing his thoughts about his relationship with Izaya. And in a way, it made her feel special and privileged.

"I mean…. The flea's the type who absolutely hates being chained down to anything, right? So if there was someone here who was preventing him from moving freely, the most logical course would be to try to break free, right? That's why he's trying so damn hard to make my life hell. But I think a tiny part of him is afraid of actually breaking free…. 'cause, let's face it, he's a coward asshole with little to absolutely no moral sense and who gets bored way damn too easily. So left unchecked and unstopped, he'd continued to go further and further and what if one day he realizes too late that he had gone a little bit too far? What if he doesn't even realize it and made an enormous judgement mistake because of that?

So….the chains are chains, but they are also in a way a safeguard to keep him from going too far." Shizuo cleared his throat, averted his eyes, in slight embarrassment as he probably realized he had gone off track, "Anyway… That's why I can't believe in that 1%, 'cause if I do, I won't be able to restrain him properly anymore." He trailed off, then chuckled, "Ah but I guess, I trust him to be up to no good 99 percent of the times, so in a way I do believe inhim. In fact, we can even say that I put 99% of my trust in him being un-trustful, in him being close by and continuing to be the bane of my existence."

The elevator started to slow down as it reached the expected floor and Shizuo smiled softly from where he was leaning on the wall, staring right at Celty as he said "I can't believe in that 1%, right now but…."

Celty didn't know if it was because at the exact time Shizuo finished his sentence, the metal doors were tinging open making small lights dance on the blond face and accentuating his expression, or if it was because Celty had been trying to identify that strange emotion for a while now….. But the answer just struck her right at that time….

"…. Maybe one day…. I'll be able to find something precious enough to make me spare 0.05%?"

Yes, she was sure of it now…. That far-away look, that fondness in his tone, that warmth in his voice, that peaceful acceptance in his expression, that soft hopeful but at the same time resigned smile…. It was the same as yesterday, but even more obvious and stronger….

Oh, Shizuo, you really do love him, don't you?

The blond stepped out of the elevator and ruffled his hair sheepishly, "Ah, sorry, you were supposed to tell me what was bothering you…. But I ended up being the one doing all the talking."

[Don't worry about it.] Celty reassured him, nearly in auto-pilot, as she was still feeling a little bit out of it at that realization. [I'll explain…. But for now, why don't we go in? It's not something we should talk about in the corridor.]

Shizuo shrugged, signifying that everything was fine by him. Though the slight twitch in his hand indicated that he was probably dying to go back to where Izaya was.

Though, whether he wants to go back to punch him or hug him is a complete mystery…

In fact, she suspected that even Shizuo himself didn't know for sure.

Shaking her head – er, her helmet – in a mix of exasperation and fondness, Celty unlocked the door, leading Shizuo inside. They were half-way toward the living-room when Shinra stuck his head out of it. "Ah Celty! You're back…." He said excitedly, "That was so fast! You must have worked harder so that you can come back home quicker and spend some quality time with me, right? Ah… Celty that's so sweet –…..eh? Why is Shizuo-kun here….?"

Celty jumped as if electrified, [Crap! With everything I forgot! I had been on my way to work…. Wah that's not good, now I'm late!] Flailing her hands in slight panic, she frenetically typed on her screen [I'm counting on you, Shinra, I've got to go now!] before heading straight back to where she had come from and slamming the door behind her as she left.

"Eh? Wha – Celty!?" Shinra gaped, staring at the now empty genkan.

It was only when a strange feeling of doom started to rise inside him that he remembered the presence of another person in his flat. Shizuo must have gone past him – when he had been distracted by his beloved's abrupt departure – because he was nowhere in sight.

And sure enough, as Shinra slowly and dreadfully turned his head looking over his shoulder toward the living room, he saw Shizuo sitting down on one of his couches. Shinra gulped.

The blond was silent and his face was for once smooth of all emotion but for some reason there was a very ominous and thick aura surrounding him. In fact he only uttered a single word. A direct and indisputable order, "Explain."

The 'now' was clearly left unsaid there, the 'and you'd better be quick about it 'cause I don't have time for that kind of bullshit' was not that far behind and the 'and you'd better hope I like your answer otherwise….' was nearly hanging in the air.

Shinra felt droplets sliding down his cheeks, he didn't quite know if those were tears or sweat – actually it was probably both – but in any case, he was feeling as if Celty had dropped a ticking bomb in his hands and expected him to diffuse it before it destroyed their love nest…. Which was kinda difficult when he didn't even know what he was supposed to explain–

Wait, considering everything, it must be about the way Shizuo and Izaya were having sex –

"….."

"….Ceeeeelty! Come back!"

.

.

(((╹д╹;))) Shinra ~~・-v(▼、▼ﾒ) Shizuo

.

.

Ikebukuro, Somewhere on Kawagoe Highway, Shinra's apartment – Two hours later, 16:20.

Izaya skipped out of the elevator with childish glee and made his way towards his first and only friend's door. Only to find said door laying on the floor and bent in a strange shape. He squat down and poked slightly at it, his face growing solemn. "You have fought honorably, your efforts and tenacity will be remembered. Your death wasn't in vain and will greatly contribute to the war effort. May you rest in peace, Door 68."

"You know, I don't know which I find the most disturbing…" came a strained voice behind him, "The fact that you're talking to my door as if it was a soldier or the fact that you had appointed my door as one of your soldier against Shizuo-kun even though my apartment is a neutral area."

Izaya snorted, "I don't want to hear that from a guy who has a headless fetish." He stood up and glanced at his friend, noting almost absent mindedly the disheveled hair, the slightly crooked glasses and the exhausted look, which could be explained by either him spending his afternoon dodging whatever projectile flying his way, or him trying to salvage what remained from his apartment after the natural – or rather the supernatural – disaster also known as Shizu-chan. In fact, it was probably both. Shinra didn't seem to sustain any lasting injuries (there was a small bruise on his forehead, which was either a small object hitting its target or the result of a flick) from his encounter with Shizu-chan. Now with the customary quick checking on his friend well-being out of the way, Izaya allowed a smirk to spread on his face.

"And your apartment ceased to be a neutral area the moment you decided to introduce Shizu-chan to me. Blame yourself for that, Shinra. Besides," he added, in a barely faked exasperated tone, "…considering the fact that I am the one paying for that door, I reserve myself the right to do as I please with it…."

The underground doctor shifted to the side to let Izaya come in. As he stride inside, Izaya mentally appraised the damages. From what he could see, the genkan seemed to have been relatively left untouched. The sole signs suggesting that the beast had been there were the littering objects, which at some point must have been projectiles thrown from the living room, and of course the bent door on the outside. Then he noted that Shinra had moved, placing himself strategically in front of the informant, as if to implicitly deny him the access to that room.

Interesting…. What could he possibly be angry about?

"…Though I sincerely wish you and Simon would stop sending Shizu-chan's damage bills to me, especially for things that happened when I wasn't even there." He said, shooting the bespectacled man a very pointed look.

Shinra's lips twitched, in amusement, unrepentant, as he shrugged nonchalantly, "Eh? But isn't that your duty as a loving boyfriend to take care of your partner's financial needs?"

Izaya mouthed 'loving boyfriend' with a scowl, shooting his friend a look of pure distaste as if Shinra had just insulted his whole lineage or thrown away a whole plate of Ootoro. Plastering an obnoxious smirk on his face, he uttered in a mock clueless tone…. "Eh? You're making it sound as if Shizu-chan was my kept woman or something…. Which is only slightly less disturbing than the idea of keeping him as a domesticated protozoan… "

Shinra looked confused at that, as if he genuinely couldn't see how someone wouldn't want to have their own domesticated monster at home. The corner of Izaya's eyes twitched. Just because your own monster is perfectly civilized and trained to act lovey-dovey with its owner, doesn't mean that mine is the same. In fact, mine still has difficulty to grasp the basic concept of 'not attacking on sight'…. So if I wanted something hazardous and dangerous under my roof, I'd rather buy myself a wild lion thank you very much.

Shinra tilted his head to the side, humming thoughtfully, "But isn't that your typical Japanese's dream to go home to a caring and sweet wife, who would cutely mistake salt for sugar and who'd hug you when she's afraid of aliens and punch you in the plexus when she's embarrassed?"

Like hell it is.

The corner of Izaya's lips twitched in amusement, "I'd like to see another 'typical' Japanese like that." He deadpanned, "But well, your specific case aside, the sheer domesticity and the underlying chauvinism mentality of such routine is hardly anything to fantasize about, not to mention I can't just see the appeal in reacting to a cliché–"

Except that at that exact moment an image flashed through his mind. An image of Shizu-chan in a tasteless pink apron, welcoming him back and holding above his head a bathtub in one hand and a stove in another, a threatening aura spreading around him as he asked, "I-zaa-yaa-kun~, you've finally gotten your shitty ass back home, huh? Would you like to eat first?" the stove flow toward him embedding itself in the wall behind Izaya as he ducked,"… bathe first?", the bathtub suffered the same treatment, "Or would you rather have… me ❤⃛ ~ ?"

"Pftt - !" Izaya nearly doubled over as he burst out laughing, "Hahaha, I take it back I'd definitely want to see something like that!"

"Right?! (Though I'm pretty sure you're getting it wrong somewhere, but whatever…)" Shinra beamed.

"Yeah, whatever…" Izaya waved him off, still shaking from refrained laughter, "Not that it's going to happen anyway…"

"Eh? But I thought you guys were going to marry in America?" Shinra said innocently.

That definitely made him stop laughing, as he stared at his friend with a deadpan look. 'You're doing that on purpose, aren't you?' was clearly conveyed through his expression.

To which Shinra only seemed to smile wider, 'I have no idea what you're talking about'.

Izaya narrowed his eyes, 'Fine, both can play this game, you know?' and smoothed his face into a fake resigned and exasperated expression.

"Oh my? Really? I wonder where you've heard such things. You really should know better than paying attention to baseless rumors, Shinra." The informant admonished, "There's no way anyone would trust Shizu-chan anywhere near a plane… let alone let him spend more than fourteen hours in it with me. Sadly, going to America is impossible for us."

"Oh no, and here my sweet Celty was so looking forward to attend her best friend's marriage!" Shinra interjected dramatically, "She would be so disappointed!"

"And god forbid that Celty ever become unhappy." Izaya muttered.

"Ah I know!" Shinra chirped, with a wide helpful smile, "How about I knock the both of you out with the strongest anesthesia I have for the duration of the flight….? You can't wreak havoc if you're both in coma, right?"

Brownish red eyes flashed in mid-annoyance and mid-amusement, 'Did you really offer that while grinning like an idiot?'

Brown framed one glinted innocently in answer 'What of it?'.

In contrast to the silent conversation and the tangible tension in the air, the informant smiled thankfully, his voice dripping with warmth and sweetness as he answered, "I appreciate the effort, but there's really no need to go to such extend for our sakes."

The smile was returned perfectly, "No, no, I insist!" Shinra chirped eagerly, "Consider it as a wedding present from the best man. But now that I think about it…. Do you really need to be awake for your wedding? It'd give Celty a bad impression of marriage, if the bride tried to choke the groom to death in the middle of the ceremony….So why don't you stay asleep a little bit more… In fact it might even be better if you don't wake up. Ever."

"Ah, ah, your thoughtfulness touched me to the bone really."

"No it's only natural since we're friends." Shinra's eyes glinted as he stressed the last word, making Izaya smirked inwardly.

So you finally decided to stop beating around the bush, huh?

"And so as a friend, I felt myself compelled to ask you if you're feeling alright right now. Need me to check the damages down there?"

Izaya grinned, not embarrassed or taken aback from his friends' words at all, "Did you know that it sounded like a pick-up line taken right from an AV? Should I feel worried for my virtue?"

"How rude! There's no way I'd cheat on Celty…. And even more so, for someone like you. And to think that I was genuinely feeling concerned for your ass (literally). After all…." Shinra pushed up his glasses, his eyes hidden by the reflection of his spectacles. "…'even when it's done with a girl, it can hurt or be uncomfortable if the guy doesn't know what he's doing… So when it's between two guys… I don't really know how it works and to be honest I don't really want to know, but it must be even worse' was it, Kanra-san?"

"You're as sharp as ever." The informant complimented with a smirk, not even bothering to deny the claim. "Does it mean I should expect Setton-san to start acting cold and distant towards Kanra?"

Shinra shrugged, "Not really. For some reasons Celty is genuinely having fun while talking to her chatroom friends, so if she knew that the sweet Kanra-san was in fact the asshole Izaya, she'd probably feel betrayed and hurt."

"Oh I see, I see." Izaya quipped, in a fake understanding tone, shifting childishly his weight from one foot to the other, "In other words what she doesn't know can't hurt her, right? Ah, but if she learnt later that you knew about it and chose not to tell her, won't she get mad at you?"

"She won't."

Izaya quirked an eyebrow at the utmost confidence in Shinra's tone, before his face morphed into a very exasperated expression, "You're thinking, 'Even if Celty does get mad at me, she'd probably manage to find it into herself to forgive me, because my sweet Celty is so kind and generous and amazing and…' insert there whatever sickeningly sweet synonymous adjectives you can come up with and that I won't mention here, because just thinking of them seriously make me want to throw up…. Aren't you?"

"Ah, well guessed."

"No, no, it was written all over your face, even Shizu-chan would have figured out this one."

"Hm…. Though I was also thinking that Celty already had forgiven me for much worse…. So she'd probably won't even get mad for something so insignificant."

Well, excuse me for being insignificant…. But I guess that compared to dissecting her while you were a kid, unilaterally deciding that she would become your wife later and proceeding to harass her daily with your 'love' and all that before you even reached twenty… not mentioning hiding the fact that you knew where the head she had been searching for about twenty years was and surgically modifying a high school girl's face so that it would look just like her head –

"…"

"Huh? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Just trying to understand how Celty could have come to the conclusion that dating a guy like you was a good idea…."

Shinra beamed, "That's because she is amazingly kind. But anyway it won't matter as long as she doesn't find out."

"Ahah, lying and hiding things to the woman you love, don't you have any shame?"

"I don't. But somehow hearing that from you of all people sort of irritates me."

Izaya waved him off, as if he didn't hear the remark.

"But then again, I guess Celty is the only one you'd feel the need to lie to, ne? For anyone else, you'd just be annoyingly honest. I don't know if that actually makes it better or worse….But either way, I pity Celty, really."

"Ah!"

To Shinra, who had made that strange sound of surprise and then had gone thoughtful, Izaya sent a questioning glance. "What is it?"

"No… It's just… I think Shizuo-kun said something similar, once…." Shinra answered, slowly, obviously trying to remember the circumstances of such conversation, "…. It was probably back when we were in high school."

Izaya's expression soured considerably at the idea of having something in common with that protozoan, but at the same time he couldn't help but be curious. "How would something like that even come up? Shizu-chan didn't even know who Celty was at that time, right?"

"Hm actually I'm not sure…." Shinra tilted his head to the side, then after a while, "Well whatever. One way or another, it led to me saying that I'd do anything even became a villain if that means I could keep her by my side."

No kidding.

"That must have gone well by Shizu-chan." Izaya said drily.

"Ah, ah, he said that if it ever comes to that, he'd throw me to the edge of the sky for her."

The informant hummed, teasingly "That's pretty romantic, ne? In a protozoan-fucked-up kind of way."

"I'd make sure to let Shizuo-kun know that, then." Shinra answered, cheekily, "So that he'd know what you expect of him for a romantic date."

Izaya snorted. "No way, I've already got flowers, chocolate, love letters being offered to me, you know… A 'romantic date' at that point would probably kill me."

Shinra's eyes glinted slightly as he made a thoughtful hum, "Ah but Shizuo-kun only said that after I told him that I would become a villain for my own sake, because of my desire of monopolizing her, even if it hurt her or even if she came to hate me…" Shinra smiled self-deprecatingly, acknowledging his own twistedness for what it was, but then he glanced at Izaya, knowingly, "Don't you think it is interesting though? Before that, he was of the opinion that if it was for the person you're after, then it is alright to become 'the bad guy'."

Izaya froze. Brownish-red eyes widening and flaring with a strange twirl of contradictory and blurred emotions.

Wha –

There's no way I would –

In the first place I wasn't even –

Sure I was intrigued but not –

Maybe because Shinra's words, or rather the implication of those words, were leading Izaya's thoughts towards a conclusion that he didn't want to face (not because he thought that Shinra was right, but because right now he couldn't say with utmost confidence that Shinra was totally wrong) or maybe because he didn't want to make such an introspective analysis in front of those way too perspective eyes….But either way his next move was to immediately gather all those cut-at-the-bud thoughts and shove them at the back of his mind to be dealt with later.

"Is that supposed to be payback for manipulating Celty?" Izaya wondered out loud, his mouth twisting into a wry smile.

Shinra laughed as if Izaya was being particularly silly for even suggesting such a thing. "I don't like the idea of anyone manipulating Celty…. In fact, if Celty had to be manipulated by anyone then I'd rather it be me…. But since there was no harm done, and manipulating just about anyone is your second nature, it would be kind of petty of me to hold it on you, right?"

Izaya quirked an eyebrow, letting that single movement and the prolonged silent speak for itself.

Of course it's petty…. But since when aren't you petty when courier is concerned, hm?

"… that is to say…. If Celty ever comes to harm because of Kanra…." Shinra went on, articulating each words distinctly and slowly, "Then, you will realize why it is a very bad idea to antagonize the one who is in charge of taking care of your injuries."

The informant tilted his head slightly to the side in a barely noticeable nod, his face smooth of all expression for a fraction of second, acknowledging wordlessly that the threat had been heard clear and loud, before letting out a hollow and short chuckle, "Ah ah, so scary ~ But you know it's probably not that wise to phrase it that way… I might be tempted to do just that for the sake of being contrary…." He chanced a glance towards the underground doctor to gauge his reactions. But he was disappointed when it appeared that Shinra wasn't going to take the bait.

He sighed inwardly. The problem with having way too perceptive acquaintances was that they were generally able to see his deliberate attempt to rile them up from miles away. But well, just because they saw it coming, didn't mean they wouldn't fall for it anyway (case in point a certain blond protozoan who never fail to rise to the bait. Every. Single. Time. In fact, it was reaching a point where he wasn't even sure he could take credit for annoying Shizu-chan anymore, since his mere existence seemed to be enough to set the beast off).

"Ah but it'd be troublesome to find another underground doctor who wouldn't fall into the temptation of offing me if I'm getting too annoying…so…What to do? ~." Izaya frowned into a fake and exaggerated contemplative face, as if he had to deal with a particularly tricky conundrum. "Besides, whatever I chose, you probably won't trust me at face value so…Ah! I know! As a gesture of good faith…." He made an act of searching thoroughly through all his pockets, before fishing out one of his numerous phones with a flourish. Quickly searching through it, he then offered it to Shinra with a smirk.

"It's the chat log from last night conversation." Izaya supplied unnecessarily, in a helpful voice.

Shinra made a customary and bored look at the screen. "I already read it yesterday."

Leaning against one of the wall and lazily crossing his arms, Izaya shrugged, "You didn't read the whole thing, did you?"

Shinra shook his head, "Why does it matter?"

Izaya smirked, knowingly. "Just read it."

Frowning, the bespectacled man glanced back at the smartphone and did as he was told, a doubtful expression lingering on his face.

Glancing at him from the corner of his eyes, Izaya spotted without any difficulties the exact moment Shinra reached the 'interesting part' of the conversation. Shinra, who up until then, had read the text with an air of pure indifference, suddenly blinked, his eyebrows raising up in surprise.

He sent the screen a look of wonder as if he couldn't believe what he read was real, doing a double-take.

"See?" Izaya said, nonchalantly, "Aren't you actually glad that Kanra-chan happened to be Orihara Izaya? Otherwise you would have missed such a gem, ne?"

But Shinra wasn't listening, his attention was entirely focused on the bright screen in front of him. When the underground doctor's eyes started to sparkle and his expression morphed into a very goofy one, Izaya pushed himself off the wall. He already knew what was coming next and he'd rather not hear another sickening tirade about how wonderful Courier was, thank you very much.

And sure enough as he moved closer he heard Shinra coo "Awww, Celty you –"

Rolling his eyes, Izaya sidestepped the lovesick idiot. When no resistance nor any scalpels digging into his back prevented him from reaching the living room, he considered it a small victory.

But really, he thought drily and exasperatedly, to think that I had to bribe my way in….

But he stopped short, when he was finally able to have a good look on the room. Gauging the extent of the damages caused by the beast, Izaya couldn't help but whistle, reddish brown eyes twinkling with amusement. It would seem that rather than aiming for a destructive mess as he always did, Shizu-chan little tantrum had steered towards a totally different kind of 'mess'. If he had to describe it, then the words 'vindictive', 'troublesome' and 'creative' would certainly come in minds. It was certainly different from anything Shizu-chan had ever done before.

It would seem that throwing pieces of furniture randomly didn't sit right with him anymore, so instead the protozoan had opted for piling them up and making a huge, messy and unsteady structure out of Shinra's home interior in the middle of the living room.

I don't know whether he's actually evolving or devolving….But he is certainly getting more and more creative… Izaya thought, drily, as he moved closer to study the newly made protozanish 'piece of art' (not before snapping a few shots with his phone of course). I shall name it Mount Shizu-chan.

Shizu-chan had stacked them up, even though Izaya doubted it was intentional, in a way that made it quite tricky to extricate one piece without making the whole thing stumbling down. Letting his eyes roam around the room, Izaya notices two stray chairs and a stereo-speaker a little bit aside from the rest and deduced that Shinra had managed to safely pull them out.

Izaya snorted, it meant that Shinra hadn't spent two hours cleaning broken pieces like Izaya had thought, but he had actually been forced to play a protozoanish version of a mikado stick game.

Shizu-chan can actually be a real pain in the ass when he wants to, huh? He unexpectedly has got quite a mischievous side too…

Resisting his natural and childish impulse to slightly poke at that very precarious spot right at the base of the structure just to see how fast the whole thing would come down, Izaya opted instead to navigate expertly through the makeshift mountain, jumping over a sofa, bending under the table and sliding sideways between the coffee table and the television to finally reach Shinra's kitchen. Of course he could have just walked around the furniture mountain, but where was the fun in that?

Humming slightly as he browsed through Shinra's cupboards, brownish red immediately zeroed on an odd mug and he couldn't help but giggle as he took it out, examining it more closely. It was one of those deformed mugs which were made to give the impression that someone had gripped too hard and left dented mark fingers on it. The words 'Trust me I'm almost a doctor' were inked on the front in bold font. Considering that it was a gift from Shizu-chan (the beast had probably felt guilty for having broken so many of Shinra's cups), the shape of the mug was strangely fitting.

"You've got such bad tastes, Shizu-chan." Izaya complained, with a smirk. "That thing is so ugly that Shinra probably never even uses it. Since it's so pitiful, I guess I'll have no other choices but using it, ne? So that it could fulfill its duty as a mug at least once…"

As he waited for the kettle to boil the water, leaning against the kitchen's counter, his eyes naturally slid once again towards Mount Shizu-chan.

But really, it's quite impressive that none of Shinra's furnishings broke when Shizu-chan had thrown them on top of another…. Has that protozoan finally learnt some self-restraint? Ah but small objects here and there did broke, huh? Well that's inevitable I guess, it would have been nothing short of a miracle to expect – Wait.

Izaya did a quick inventory check on the room, trying to roughly determine what was missing and came to the conclusion that indeed most of Shinra's home interior was intact, except for a few things…. A few very specific things.

Izaya felt one of his eyes twitch.

That protozoan!

He leant a little bit more against the counter with a small huff, his elbow nonchalantly bumping into the ugly mug and making it crash and clatter on the floor.

The noise must have alerted Shinra – and incidentally drag him out of... whatever trance like state his mind naturally fall into while thinking about his better half – because he rushed inside to see what had happened.

Bespectacled eyes zeroed immediately on the broken pieces of porcelain on the floor, then went up toward the informant who was leaning back against the kitchen's counter with his elbows resting atop of it, whose expression was the epitome of bored nonchalance, and finally went down toward the mess on the floor again. For his credit, it only took him half a second to add two and two together, as he sighed heavily.

"I've heard that it wasn't that unusual for couple quarrels to escalate to throwing furniture and china…." Shinra said in a tone that indicated that he was unsure whether to feel exasperated or amused; "But usually… They don't do that at their friend's home…. And certainly not in two hour intervals from each other. How on earth can you guys fight, when the other party isn't even there?"

Izaya blinked in a perfect mask of pure innocence that would have been quite convincing if it wasn't for the evidence at his foot, and for his posture which was almost literally oozing vibes of 'I don't know what you're talking about. There's no way I would be upset because that damn protozoan had chosen to only target my thoughtful and perfect gifts…'

Shinra sighed heavily once again, obviously knowing a lost cause when he saw one and slowly made his way toward Izaya. "I would really be grateful if next time the both of you could leave my love nest out of your fights."

Izaya just quirked an amused eyebrow as if he thought it was funny that Shinra could even hope something like that.

The underground doctor must have read his expression, because he then shook his head in a self-deprecating way, as if to say 'yeah wishful thinking I know'. Izaya watched from the corner of his eyes as Shinra walked past him, finished the coffee preparation that Izaya had underwent earlier and went back with two steaming cups, offering one to Izaya.

It was a wonder to him how Shinra could still trust him with his china while the proof of his impulsive reactions was still littering on the floor at his feet.

"So…That must have been quite an interesting conversation Shizu-chan and you had." Izaya prompted after a short moment of silence, shooting a pointed look toward the mountain.

"Ah about that…." Shinra answered offhandedly, leaning against the counter next to him, his own steaming cup in hands "I didn't have the time to tell him anything."

Izaya, who had been raising the cup to his lips froze mid-movement. "…..What?"

"It appears that Shizuo-kun wasn't really er… impressed with the way I decided to introduce the subject…"

"…"

"…"

Izaya waited for Shinra to elaborate. But it would seem his friend was content to leave it there. Already dozens of possible scenario were flying through his mind, extrapolating what happened from the evidence left behind and guessing what could have been said from Shinra's nonchalant comment. So truth to be told, Izaya probably didn't even need those extra pieces of information to see the whole picture. But the thing was… guessing really never worked that well when Shizu-chan was involved and he had learnt quite early on that those seemingly unimportant pieces could turn out to be major pain in the ass later along the road.

"Really now?" Izaya deadpanned wryly.

"Yes I was halfway trying to explain to him that the reason he had been abducted was because Celty thought you two were having unsafe sexual intercourse because you probably goaded him into it without telling him how to do it properly and that I should give him a crash course in sex education – and it was around that time that the first object started to fly around."

Izaya stared incredulously at him, wondering shortly if Shinra was lying. But then realizing that Shinra had absolutely no reason to lie and that it was highly probable that everything did happen as Shinra said considering both their personalities, he couldn't help but sigh exasperatedly.

"You're so useless."

He felt considerably cheated now. After all he had wasted quite costly bribe materials for absolutely nothing.

It feels as if my pride as an information broker just took a very massive blow… Izaya thought drily.

Shinra shrugged, not bothered by the accusation. It wasn't as if he cared whether things went as Izaya wanted or not.

"But you know…" Shinra pointed out helpfully, "If your purpose all along was to inform Shizuo-kun on certain aspects of gay sex, then wouldn't it have been faster and more efficient to just teach him yourself? There was no need to be so roundabout about it."

"Yes…." Izaya acknowledged, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "…. Because Shizu-chan and I have so many occasions to debate on how many fingers he should shove up my ass or what brand of condoms and lubricant to use…. Actually I believe it came up recently somewhere between a vending machine and a street sign…. Or wait was it, when I was jumping from roofs to roofs running for my life while Shizu-chan was in the mood for shoving something else up my ass…? Hm…." He finished his sentence with a very deadpan look, his eyes nearly screaming 'Are you stupid?'

Admittedly, if Izaya had really wanted to, then he could have taught the brute everything he needed to know. The both of them had long mastered the art of talking over heavy objects crashing onto concrete and could hold entire conversation while running (at more or less a dozen meters away from each other) after all. Not to mention those semi-regular phone calls they seemed to have. So Izaya's points were moot from the very start, as they did have many occasions to 'talk'.

It wasn't so much a lack of opportunities as a lack of willingness on his part… Of course denying his sexual attraction for the protozoan at this point was meaningless and quite ridiculous. But just because he acknowledged it to himself in the safety of his mind didn't mean that –

"You can't just be honest, can you?" Shinra's soft voice cut through his thoughts like a sharp and very accurate blade.

Izaya didn't know if it was because something had shown on his face enabling Shinra to follow his train of thoughts or if Shinra really knew him that well but either way it was hitting way too close to home for comfort, making Izaya tense and bristle before he could control his own body reaction.

"Of course I can." He chirped, forcing a smile on his face, "You are aware that my line of work does require honesty, aren't you? I would have gone bankrupt a long time ago if I weren't capable of being honest."

"Your 'line of work', huh?" Shinra echoed with a lopsided smile. The slight tilt of his head and those lingering knowing eyes were more than enough to convey his unsaid thoughts. 'What about your personal life, then? Can you be honest when business is not involved?'

Izaya felt the back of his neck prickle in warning but force himself to stay still and relax, despite his instincts yelling him to do otherwise. Contrarily to a certain dumb beast, he wasn't one to entirely rely on his instincts. But years spent on teasing danger, death and protozoans had honed them to a sharp degree. When you were diving into trouble on daily basis, not paying heed to your instincts was akin to signing your own death warrant, after all.

But right now it was different. His instincts weren't warning him of an upcoming physical threat. Those were the signs urging him to be cautious when facing someone who was sharp enough to see through him and who might cause him some problems.

Somehow Izaya seemed to have surrounded himself with quite sharp people and all of them were dangerous and troublesome in their own right. Call him a masochist, but he actually enjoyed it. Dealing with those kind of persons kept him on his toes and sent chills down his spine.

As an information broker, as a human lover, as Orihara Izaya it was expected of him to read people. Not just on a superficial level, but to search deeply through them, to dig and dig and dig under those layers of secrets, feelings, actions and thoughts until everything was laid bare before him.

But as a human being, no matter how intellectually stimulating it got, having it done to himself was a different thing altogether.

But well, Shinra had never been a problem before. He was very observant, good at reading people and knew Izaya way too much for his taste. So the question was, why a coward at heart like Izaya who would usually flee at the slightest sign of anyone getting too close, would keep this odd-friendship going on for so long?

Well, putting aside the quirky underground doctor's usefulness, as Shinra's low-maintenance and self-fulfilling friendship appeared to be awfully convenient for Izaya, considering his own inadequacy to sustain any type of proper relationship not based on negative feelings or money. After all lying to people about having friends when you had none was pitiful even in Izaya's book, so he had to have at least one friend, (though claiming he had friends when he had in fact only one, wasn't that much better, but well it was just to save face anyway).

The main reason, which was in fact what had also perked Izaya's attention right after their meeting, was the fact that Shinra didn't care for humans. Yes, Shinra couldn't care less about Izaya, despite being his so-called friend. Shinra's eyes were always, always, always and only veered toward the supernatural being that he felt in love with. Every action he took, every thought flying through his head, every emotion he was feeling was directed towards Celty, or with Celty in mind. Which meant that Shinra's perspective eyes could look at him perfectly, but he only ever bothered to watch or see him through Celty-directed goggles. It also meant that Shinra didn't care enough to intervene in Izaya's life as long as what the informant was doing didn't involve a certain courier in a detrimental way.

Even when Shinra had tried to reconcile Shizu-chan and Izaya in their very early high school days, it had been half-hearted at best. Despite being the one introducing them, Shinra couldn't care less about whether they were trying to kill each other or not, of course it would have been better if they didn't but either way was fine with Shinra. Because them getting along or not didn't have any impacts on Shinra's own relationship with Celty.

But now it was different. Something had shifted. Never before had Shinra tempted to prompt any answers out of him. But now, the underground doctor was trying to manipulate Izaya, he was trying to pull out those feelings that Izaya liked to keep close to heart and made him word them out loud. He was subtly trying to push him toward an unwanted and dangerous path of no return.

Izaya hadn't notice how long the silence had stretched on until Shinra broke it casually, apparently willing to drop the previous subject. Izaya welcomed it wholeheartedly.

"But I must say, I knew you had some weird foreplay, but the both of you sure are kinkier than I thought."

"Hah?"

"What you said earlier."

Izaya shot him a very long look, before deadpanning "Well we can't all be as lovey-dovey as you, ne?"

"I know, right?" Shinra gushed happily, his cheeks reddening slightly as stars appeared in his eyes, "Recently, Celty seems to be much more forward in her affection, I'm soooo happy….Yesterday night my heart literally went 'doki doki', that was incredible, holding me so close and –"

I didn't think the time would come, I'd ever think 'too much information' but everything sure can happen, huh? Izaya thought drily, But well….at least he's back to normal. "Good for you."

"Hm, hm. " Shinra nodded, "Though, she refused to do a 'wall slam'."

"A 'wall slam'? Ahahah, what are you a shoujo manga heroine? A teenage girl?" Izaya laughed before he could help himself.

"It's not funny…. I've always thought a wall slam would be good, but now I feel like I really need it!" Shinra whined. "Because the idea of you reaching a romantic step before Celty and me is just unbearable. We won't lose!"

"Huh? Who is reaching a romantic step with whom?"

"You." Shinra said, pointing at Izaya, then lowered it slightly, "And Shizuo-kun."

One of Izaya's eyes twitched as he plastered a fake pleasant smile on his face, "What are you talking about? And please kindly refrain from pointing at my ass when referring to Shizu-chan."

"Eh? But isn't it common to point at one's property in substitute for that person?"

"In which planet exactly?" Izaya replied, somewhat exasperatedly, "And for your information my behind isn't Shizu-chan's property, it belongs one hundred percent to me, thank you very much. If anything you should have pointed at that Mount Shizu-chan over there."

At that Shinra sent him a look full of pity, as if Izaya had said something particularly delusional. Feeling that the conversation would steer toward an even more nonsensical direction if he decided to take that particular bait and resort to violence like a certain protozoan idiot with no impulse-control, he opted instead for following the path of maturity by ignoring that offense and just plotting revenge tenfold later on.

"Putting that aside." Izaya waved off, "Which romantic step had Shizu-chan and I allegedly stepped on again? Considering the flow of the conversation, you're probably referring to a 'wall slam', but I fail to remember when exactly that 'wall slam' occurred."

Of course, Izaya was lying through his teeth. He knew exactly what Shinra was talking about, since that happened just the day before, there was no way Izaya would forget so soon. Or ever really. Being cornered in a dark dead-end alley-way by a lusting beast and then proceeding to engage into R-18 activities with it, tended to mark the mind, after all.

But for all intents and purposes, Shinra shouldn't have known about it. Of course information traveled at a high-paced speed, nothing can be kept hidden for long, and a day was more than enough to get your hands on some juicy facts, Izaya of all people knew that quite well.

But the thing was, that it happened yesterday in a dark dead-end alleyway. There were no windows or hidden doors to spy on them – Izaya had checked beforehand – so Shizu-chan and he should have been the only two beings knowing the details of what happened there. For Shinra to know about it…. Either someone had stumbled on them without either of them noticing – unlikely – or Shizu-chan himself had told the underground doctor.

I didn't peg Shizu-chan as the type to 'kiss and tell'…. If anything that's what you'd expect of me…But...More importantly, when did that protozoan have the opportunity to babble on?

"Hm, I think you know exactly what I'm talking about, though…" Shinra interjected, tilting his head to the side.

Izaya heaved a sigh, before shrugging, unrepentant or maybe simply uncaring at being caught lying, "Ah that. Well, yeah sure you can count it as a 'wall slam' if you want…. Though I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to literally slam the person on the wall. Normally. Wouldn't it be sad if the other party yelled 'aggression' or 'sexual harassment' or 'pervert' or if they're knocked out before you've even got the time to flirt properly, ne? That might be acceptable in protozoanish culture, but for the humans' world, as expected it's a little bit too much…" He made a slight pause, humming in consideration, "Actually, that might be quite fun to witness. I wonder if I can trick Shizu-chan into wall slamming someone else and get his ass into jail once again…."

"That unsavory part aside… Are you fine with that?"

"With what?"

"Shizuo-kun wall slamming someone else…. That'd definitely be cheating, right?"

"What are you saying, Shinra? No matter how you look at it, to anyone except me, Shizu-chan's mating courtship's rituals can only be taken as bullying at best and outright murder attempt at worst. I'm not enough of a masochist to feel cheated on when Shizu-chan is trying to kill someone else."

"I see…. " Shinra chirped, "You really do have the skills to say completely illogical things while sounding perfectly reasonable. I'm impressed."

Izaya shrugged, a smirk stretching on his face.

"Oh by the way… Orihara-kun, what would you do if there were two Shizuo-kun?"

Izaya contemplated about commenting on the subject change but in the end just went along with it as it wasn't worth the trouble. "Well, if it were any of my lovely humans, I would have separated them and put them in all types of situation for me to observe. I mean isn't it fascinating how two of same, identical on every single point, persons – let's call them Clone 1 and Clone 2 – could change drastically depending on what they went through? So if in the end Clone 2's behavior and personality shifted so far away from Clone 1 that it became unrecognizable. Would Clone 1 and Clone 2 still be considered the same person? And could the common points, the part of their personalities which didn't change, be considered their essence?

And also don't you think that it's also possible for Clone 1 and Clone 2 to be put in the exact same situation (while they were still on the same mindset) but having one of them acting differently for no apparent reason? Humans are so interesting, aren't they? They're so many possibilities to unwind and –"

"That's great and all, but I asked you about two Shizuo-kun, or is that the same answer?" Shinra cut in.

Izaya who had been talking in a gleeful and childlike enthusiastic voice, found his expression wilting into a wry frown. "Two Shizu-chan, huh?" He said bitterly, trying to picture such situation.

For a fleeting and feeble moment, Izaya found himself wondering if his relationship with Shizu-chan would have changed somehow if there were two of Shizu-chan. Would the both of them still hate him with the same intensity? Would the both of them still chase him with the same annoying and unrelenting stubbornness?

He felt his nails dig into his palm as he tightened his hand into a fist, his mind already coming up with the most possible answer. Of course not.

Because the person Shizu-chan hated the most wasn't Izaya, as many would have thought. No, it was Shizu-chan himself. So with a physical representation of himself, of course Shizu-chan's attention would latch onto himself, literally feeling the urge to beat himself up, and there would be no room for Izaya there.

I don't want that…. Izaya thought, A world like that would be…unbearable.

"I'd probably die." Izaya answered after a while, then realizing how tense his voice was, he forced his signature smirk on his face, "I mean there's no way I'd be able to survive through two lusting protozoans, ne? But well, before dying I'll try to at least take one down with me… There's no way I'm gonna leave my precious humans to deal with two Shizu-chan, after all. That would be too cruel."

"Oh I see… That's a very Orihara-kun's answer…" Shinra commented thoughtfully.

"Of course it is. It is Orihara-kun answering after all." The informant deadpanned, "But where did that come from anyway?"

"Hm…? Oh, just something I asked Celty yesterday….So I just wanted to compare I guess?"

"That again? Courier and you seemed to be having quite some strange plays recently. But I have to say…your love situation and problems are starting to get more and more boring and nonsensical each day, y'know? I liked it better when you were angsting about whether or not courier would forgive you for knowing where her head was and hiding it, and when your whole relationship was on the verge of dissolving. That at least had the credit of having some substance to it….Now it just feels sad. Really, competing with Shizu-chan and I over romantic achievements? Is your love life that in-existent? Or could it be you're actually doubting the strength of your love?"

"Hmpf! As if, there's no way my love for Celty would lose to anyone! Besides the strength of one's feelings absolutely has nothing to do with how far one can go with their partner, you of all people should know that."

Izaya cocked his head to the side, slightly confused as to why his friend would choose that moment to jibe him on his past sexual experiences. Especially since it wasn't a subject Izaya was being particularly touchy on. "Ah… probably…" He answered tonelessly, his expressionless face clearly conveying his unsaid thoughts, 'What's your point?'.

"Which means that even though our feelings are stronger than yours, we could still lose as far as carnal experiences and lovey-doveyness are concerned. I mean you guys were pretty much very lovey-dovey towards each other since high-school so you've got a head start but –"

"Ne, Shinra, I think there's something very wrong with me right now…."

"Eh? You only noticed it now?"

Izaya ignored the barb easily, "Especially with my ears and my cognitive capacities…. I'm pretty sure I heard you say that we were lovey-dovey since high school…"

"What, they seem to work just fine."

"…" Izaya shot him a very, very long stare.

"…?" To which Shinra tilted his head to the side, question marks appearing around him.

"Just to clarify…. The people you are talking about are….?"

"Why, Orihara-kun and Shizuo-kun of course."

"…."

"?"

"Alright." Izaya said, as he pushed himself off the counter. His voice suddenly losing his playful edge and morphing into a distant one as he switched to a polite and formal speech, "Well then if you will please excuse me, it would seem that I had accidentally stumbled upon a parallel world. I am very sorry for having taken up your time…. If you run into the Orihara Izaya-san of this world then please tell him to lovey-dovey-ly stab Heiwajima Shizuo-san right in the chest and to go die by drowning himself into his own lovey-dovey-ness. Thank you very much. Now, if I can trouble you a little bit more, would you be so kind as to indicate me the proper way back to my own world? I would be forever grateful as I have to go back to kill the Shinra of my world since I suspect he's the cause of me being there."

"Pfft- ahah! Of all the possible comebacks…. You went with the parallel world, one? For real?"

"Aren't you the one who mentioned the two Shizu-chan thing first? I just thought I'd go along with something of the same category. But well I guess I'll go with a normal one, then." Izaya shrugged, shifting his neutral expression to an incredulous one, "Lovey-dovey, what the hell?!"

Shinra grinned, perfectly acting as if the aside didn't happened, "Well think about it, what's the definition of lovey-dovey?"

"Plastering and broadcasting your feelings for your partner in the most annoying, extravagant and mushy way possible without a single regard for your surroundings." Izaya deadpanned.

"Wasn't that exactly what you guys were doing by throwing vending machines and knives at each other?"

"I'm pretty sure that's called 'trying to kill each other'." Izaya pointed out dryly.

"Eh? But that's exactly the same."

Izaya opened his mouth, clearly intending to rebut such nonsensical affirmation, but at the same time one of his numerous phones buzzed in his pocket, directing his whole attention toward the device. Fishing it out with ease, a frown suddenly grazed his face as he looked at the bright screen.

"Those two." He muttered irritatedly under his breath.

"Problem?" Shinra asked in a tone that suggested he couldn't care less about the answer.

"It would seem that my presence is needed elsewhere." came Izaya's answer, each of his words punctuated by obvious exasperation, "So I'll take my leave now, let's not continue that pointless conversation next time… or ever really."

Seeing as he got no response coming from his friend, Izaya simply waved it off and started to cross the living room toward the door, making sure this time to avoid Mount Shizu-chan. He was mid-way, when Shinra called from behind him.

"Ah! I remember, now!"

"I'm sorry but you'd have to be more specific than that. 'cause I don't have the slightest idea of what you're talking about." Izaya said, pausing in his movement to look back at Shinra with exasperation. "Remember what exactly?"

"Earlier, you ask me how my conversation with Shizuo about him pitying Celty came to be." Shinra clarified.

Izaya's face was blank as he started to mentally rewind their needlessly long chat and sort through the various (way too various) subjects they had brushed trough. "Good for you." He muttered, "Tell me another time, ne?"

"Eh? Since it wasn't about Celty, I'll probably forget it again… Besides…Are you sure you don't want to know? We were talking about you."

"Ha?"

"Yeah…. It was…. Probably the day after he was hit by a truck? I asked him what it was about you that got him so mad…."

Izaya went very still at that, it was the only sign betraying his mask of smooth indifference.

"…and he said that it was because you were of the type who manipulate people with all their talks and then deny it afterwards."

Figures.

"Well I guess it is pretty accurate..." Izaya acknowledged easily, feeling himself relaxed. It wasn't anything he hadn't guessed before. If it had been for a completely unexpected reason, then it might have been quite troublesome. However, Shizu-chan disliked him for what he was, for his personality. Which means that as long as Izaya was Izaya, Shizu-chan would continue to dislike him. No matter what other aspects of their relationship changed, no matter what happened around them, no matter how many other feelings were added. The hate would remain, maybe buried under fleeting and flicking emotions, but still deep and strong and ready to burst out if pushed too much. But since Izaya had no intention to change, not now, not tomorrow, not ever, Shizu-chan would forever be chained to him by their inextricable common past but above all by his unwavering hatred for Izaya.

Everything was going to be fine. Because Shizu-chan would always hate him, no matter what and as long as both of them were alive. Which meant that it was okay for their relationship to change, it was okay for them to delve into those new, volatile, precarious and unsafe feelings, it was okay even if those feelings never came to blossom and take root properly, withering past the sparks and chills of novelty and passion, it was okay even if those turned out to be unable to endure the trials of time and complacency, it was okay even if those died down trying to burst through the hardened wall of their mutual past, it was okay even if those ended in tears and blood, as it would never lead to the end of Heiwajima Shizuo involvement in Orihara Izaya life.

It was okay even if it meant that accepting and embracing those feelings would be a huge risks that could eventually lead to him being hurt. It was okay event if those feelings managed to seep through his strong defense, insinuating into his mind and heart and eventually worsening into something much, much more destructive than simple attraction. It was okay to allow that sweet poison to potentially spread through his mind, it was okay to give access of his fragile heart to that ticking bomb. It was okay even if Izaya was a coward who had never so openly exposed himself before.

Because even the most cowardly would be willing to take huge risks as long as they had the right incentive.

It was okay…. Everything was okay…. Even if his heart broke, as the sharpened shards would be used to carve deep line of bloody hatred into Shizu-chan's flesh, leaving even deeper and stronger scars onto his skin and heart, infecting his mind with the potent and twisted salvation of loathe, tying them even closer through the heavy chains of enmity and abhorrence.

"I know, right? Shizuo-kun got you all figured out right from the start. I must say it's quite impressive…. Anyway, then I said that I was also one of the types who were all talk and no action. But according to him, it was fine because I'm not the type to lie. To which I pointed out that I'd probably lie to the woman I love and… well you know the rest."

"Hm…" Izaya answered somewhat distractedly.

His mind was still reeling as he was taking in all the different ramifications of his previous conclusion.

Love and hate. Two of the strongest feelings one could be victim of. Two sides of the same coin and both leaving strong marks in the human's psyche, clouding their judgment, directing their mindset towards a nearly obsessive one. Which was stronger, however, probably depended on who you were asking and could only be answered by a case-by-case basis, as it existed way too many variations of love and hate for it to be generalized properly.

But… If love and hatred were already strong on their own, what if one felt a combination of both? Or what if one emotion was fueled by the other? Wouldn't it be stronger in its intensity? Wasn't it why the worst (as in the most explosive) cases of divorce and break-ups tended to be one where love had been strong at the beginning?

Then didn't it make hatred fueled by (failed) love the strongest shackle he could put on Shizu-chan? If this new aspect of their relationship failed to reach completion or even if it just naturally came to an end, then Izaya would have absolutely no difficulty to rekindle the flame of hatred, to make it burst out from where it had been buried like an explosive volcano.

"He was of the opinion that if it was for the person you're after, then it is alright to become 'the bad guy'" Izaya frowned slightly as Shinra previous words suddenly came to his mind, repeating themselves like a particularly annoying echo.

"No…" He said to himself, shoving them back to the darkest depths of his mind "It's totally different."

"It appears that Shizuo-kun grants quite some importance to honesty." Shinra said pointedly.

That again? Izaya thought, wryly, quite persistent, aren't you?

"Is that so?" He answered conversationally, in a tone only conveying enough interest to suggest that he was merely humoring his friend, as he started to make his way toward the exit again.

He could feel his heart beating erratically against his chest, sparking burst of sporadic excitement and anticipation through his veins. It felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulder, easing his mind into the familiar shrills of scheming while securing his own safety.

"Orihara-kun…" Shinra called, as Izaya nearly reached the corridor, "For how long are you planning on running away?"

Izaya paused once again, looking back over his shoulder. Something from the underground doctor's impassible face and his calm tone told him that he wasn't merely referring to their conversation.

A smirk fueled by childlike excitement eased itself onto his face, "Why, for as long as I can, of course…" He chirped, "Running away is my specialty, ne?"

Just because Izaya had come to an epiphany of some sort, didn't mean that he would make it easy for Shizu-chan. Making Shizu-chan's life as difficult as possible was one of his life goal, after all. So if Shizu-chan wanted in, he'd have to burst through Izaya's defense on his own.

He waved at Shinra, without looking back, and finally manage to step out of his friends flat without getting interrupted.

Once outside, Izaya fished out one of his smartphone. "Now…" he hummed as he switched to an app, showing a detailed map of Ikebukuro, on which two red dots were currently slowly moving, "What are you two devils up to?"

.

.

ー(￣～￣)ξ Izaya ꉂꉂ ( ˆᴗˆ ) Shinra

.

.

Meanwhile, not far from Shinra's apartment.

Sitting on the bench of a park near Shinra's apartment, Shizuo exhaled slowly and let his frustration waft away in the air along with the smoke of his cigarette. Even when nearly two hours had passed, Shizuo still wasn't feeling calm enough to come back and apologize. 'Cause he ought to apologize, right? What that four-eyes said was fucking annoying but even Shizuo could see that his reaction was a little bit overboard.

It was probably because of that pent-up frustration of not being able to beat the shit out of the flea, all that restless and boiling energy had to go somewhere, right?

It doesn't justify the fact of rearranging your best friend's flat with her own furniture, though.

Ugh.

It was all that damn flea's fault anyway! Even if he still hadn't quite figured out how the hell the flea had managed to plot out something like that… But how he did it didn't really matter, the most important point was that the whole thing had the flea's stench on it and that he certainly did it. And –

Shizuo swore when he noticed that his half-consumed cigarette was now bent at an odd angle and beyond saving. Just as he was about to fish out another one, the sound of hurrying footsteps from behind him reached his ears. Considering the noises, whoever it was, was clearly running straight toward the bench on which he was sitting.

For fuck sakes, how did people expected him to calm down and apologize if every freaking asshole came to annoy him one after another?!

"Shiiizuuuuuzuuuooo-san!~"

The high-speech singsonging voice was the only warning he got before two skinny arms wrapped themselves around his neck, hugging him from behind. He grunted on pure reflex, the impact hadn't even been enough to make him bulge.

The voice was followed by a bunch of more restrained footsteps and a barely audible "Afternoon. (Good afternoon)."

Those facts alone were enough to tell him who they were, without even needing to glance back to confirm it.

"Mairu. Kururi." He greeted them, though somewhat tightly.

He didn't have anything against the twins, after all it wasn't their fault their brother was a bastard. However after everything, he didn't know if constant exposure to the flea-family would be bad for his health or not…. They were a whole new species of pain in the ass, after all. And there was only so much craziness a guy could stand in a single day.

"Shouldn't you be at school?"

"School finished ages ago!" Mairu said in a tone that suggested Shizuo was silly for not knowing the schedule of two middle-schoolers.

"…angry. Iza-nii."

Huh? Before he had the time to ask her to speak louder, Mairu was already going on.

"Yeah! Kuru-nee is right! You look angry. Did you have a fight with Iza-nii again?!"

Shizuo blinked. No matter how many times he saw it, or rather heard it, it was always a wonder how Mairu managed to understand her twin sister so easily when it only sounded like a succession of keywords to him. Was it a twin thing? Ah, but then again, he guessed he could read Kasuka's expression without problem too… So it was a sibling thing?

Then the meaning of her words sunk in, but once again Mairu just babbled on and on, before he had the time to react.

"Ah, speaking of Iza-nii, I heard you two were going out, now?! Is that true? Is that true? Since when? How did that even happened anyway? I mean last time I checked you were still trying to kill each other. So does it mean that even if we manage to throw Iza-nii in front of a truck, you won't let us meet Yuuhei-san?! That sucks! That's not fair, Shizuo-san! Or should we call you Shizuo-nii from now on?" Mairu kept shooting questions and remarks at a high-paced speed leaving him absolutely no room to answer. "Wait! Wait! If you marry our brother then we'll be related to Yuuhei-san, too, right?! So let's go meet him now so you can introduce your family-in-law and then – "

Like a kitten that stopped moving when being carried by the nape of their neck, Mairu stopped right on her tracks as Shizuo hold her up at eye-level by her hood. She blinked at him, tilting her head to side curiously, not feeling even the slightest bit afraid of her current position.

Be a little more aware of the danger around you, geez. Shizuo thought irritatingly, even though he was currently the alleged danger she should be cautious of.

Then he felt something bump lightly on his side. Looking down he saw a mop of black hair and a pair of skinny arms hugging him. Apparently, Kururi thought it was a good idea to come and hug him in that moment.

What the hell is fucking wrong with the common sense of the flea family?

"Listen here." He berated her, exasperatedly "I'm not in the mood for jibber jabber, so why don't you stop with those meaningless questions and skip right to the part where you're telling your real reasons for seeking me out? Stick to twenty words or less. The same goes for you." He added towards the older twin.

Mairu pouted. "Shizuo-san is so sharp, it's not fun."

"Well excuse me for that." Shizuo bit back drily.

"Iza-nii… planning? (What are you planning to do with Iza-nii?)"

Even Shizuo could understand that one without being told.

The blond frowned, "What? You're going with the 'if you dare to hurt our asshole of a brother we will kill you' route or something?"

"Of course not." Mairu answered, strangely at ease for someone who was suspended by her hood. "Feel free to kill or hurt Iza-nii as you like." Her mouth stretched out in a smooth smile even as her sickeningly sweet voice lowered, barely above a whisper, and her reddish brown eyes glinted with coldness and the promise of retribution. "But… if you abandon him…"

She trailed off, leaving the rest of the threat to Shizuo's imagination. Had Shizuo not been dealing with the full-fledged and perfected version of that method of intimidation on nearly daily basis, he would have felt impressed at how a small little thing like her could appear so threatening.

That flea might be a dumbass of an older brother, but he sure taught them some useful skills. That at least I must admit. But… Geez what was wrong with their priorities?!

"Abandon him?" Shizuo repeated with a snort, unconsciously matching her tone level "Your bastard brother is the one who latched on me like the fucking parasite that he is, since the very start. No matter what I did, he wouldn't leave me the hell alone… So even if I wanted to there's no way I could get rid of him, that shitty flea."

He saw Mairu's eyes darkened behind her glasses and distinctively felt Kururi's nails dig into his side as she tightened her grip. Shizuo thought it might be a good idea to elaborate before Kururi decided it was time to take out her specially modified stun-gun or her pepper spray.

"But, there's something I'd like to clarify. It's true that even if I wanted to I couldn't get rid of him. But since he went and made a royal nuisance of himself up to that point, it means that he shouldn't expect to be able to get away either. I won't let him. He's stuck with me, just I am stuck with him…till the very end, got it?"

For a while Mairu just stared at him, indecipherable reddish-brown eyes piercing unrelentingly into stormy hazel as if trying to reach his very soul. Shizuo didn't flinch nor did he show any indication of being anything else than completely at ease with the scrutiny. Though internally he was fighting the urge not to laugh. Because really, did she even realize how much alike to her brother she was? It was just like seeing a mini-flea trying to imitate, with more or less success, the older version.

But then an enormous grin stretched on her face. That worried him a whole lot more, as a strange feeling of dread started to rise inside him. "So in other words…" the bespectacled flea brat chirped, "… what you meant is that since Iza-nii made the first move, he has no right to complain if you go after him, right?"

"That's…. right." Shizuo answered slowly, getting the feeling that he was jumping head first into one hell of a trap-hole, but unable to see where it was. The fact that Kururi arms where shaking around him as if she was refraining herself from laughing wasn't reassuring either.

"And you do intend to, right? Going after him I mean."

"That's right." He repeated, "Is there a damn point somewhere? Or are you just trying to be annoying?"

"Important. Seriously. (It is very important. So please answer seriously)" Kururi muttered.

"Hm hm!" Mairu nodded enthusiastically, she would have succeeded into pulling a straight face if it wasn't for that shit eating grin of hers and the mischievous twinkling of her eyes. "We need to make sure of something you see, so we're counting on you, Shizuo-san!" Of course she didn't leave him the opportunity to retort 'counting on you, my ass', as she was already babbling on, "So what you said before...it means you're going to be more assertive in pursuing him, don't you?"

"That's right, I guess?"

"So you're planning to go all out with him?"

"That's right."

"Until one of you can't take it anymore, right?"

"That's right. How long is this going to go on?"

"So… So…" Mairu leered, "In short what you're saying is that you're going to do Iza-nii over and over until one of you can't take it anymore…. For the rest of your life, right?"

"That's righ – Wait! NO! What I mean is that I was going to kick his ass!"

"Eh come on… If you two are really going out, then you must be have been fucking like crazy, right? Or don't tell me, you haven't actually done it yet? Wah that's sad… If you want, in exchange of a meeting with Yuuhei-san Kuru-nee and I can slip an aphrodisiac in his coffee…. Or is it because you don't want to have sex with him? You know it's not actually the size that matters, but what you do with it, so at least test him out before rejecting it. "

Shizuo thought it was very, very bad that the only thing he managed to retort was "It's not like that!"

"Ah I see it's not." She hummed, "So you do want to fuck him. Heh, heh, Iza-nii is definitely the bottom, right? I mean he doesn't look like the type to be able to top any –"

"That would be none of your business, ne?"

The three of them froze as a very familiar voice chimed from behind them. That voice wasn't loud per say, but it still managed to somehow carry over the distance, ringing clear and loud in their ears. Carefully as if on slow motion, Shizuo turned to look over his shoulder, while Mairu angled her head to glance over Shizuo's head and Kururi shifted slightly into a position that allowed her to peek at what was going on, even though her head was still tuck on his side.

There, leaning against a tree not that far from them, stood none other than the grown-up flea itself, Orihara shitty Izaya.

Wary hazel eyes naturally came to meet impassible reddish-brown.

And then, Izaya smiled.

Shit.

.

.

⌈ ψ`-´)ﾉ Kururi Shizuo ( ; ⌐▨_▨) .o0 (Shit) (◠‿◠ ✿) Izaya ∋━━o(｀∀´oメ）～→ Mairu

.

.

Ikebukuro, Somewhere on Kawagoe Highway, Shinra's apartment.

What Celty found as she came back home, was a doorless entrance and a thoughtful Shinra sitting crossed-leg on the floor of the living room, in front of a huge mountain of furniture.

"Oh Celty welcome back."

[Don't "welcome back" me! What the hell is that?!] She shot immediately, pointing accusingly at the thing in the middle of her living room. [What happened?]

"Shizuo-kun happened." Her companion answered easily.

Celty's shoulders slumped dejectedly, [So it went wrong after all?]

He tilted his head to the side thoughtfully, "Not really… In fact, I might even say that it went better than I expected."

Her attention immediately perked up at that, [Really?!]

"Hmmm…. I managed to tell him everything I wanted to…. I think."

Celty thought it was very telling of their progress, when instead of retorting 'ah? What's with that 'I think'?! Either you did or you didn't! Are making yourself vague on purpose?', she just internally heaved a sigh and went down to sit by Shinra's side on the floor, their shoulders knocking nonchalantly against each other.

[What do you mean?] She asked.

"That was super scary you know!" Shinra exclaimed, "For the first few minutes, Shizuo-kun didn't do anything. He was just sitting, listening to what I was saying. I was surprised, I thought he'd try to kill me halfway through my explanations."

[That's quite unexpected.] Celty agreed, [I thought for sure you'd get thrown out of the window when I left you there with him.]

"Wha! Celty, that's so cold. How could you leave me there to die?!" Her companion whined.

[He wouldn't have killed you.] Celty dismissed.

Shinra sighed exaggeratedly, but one second later his expression went back to normal as he leaned a little bit more on her. Celty compensated the added weight by bracing one arm on the floor. Had she had a head, she would have tilted it to side so that it would come into contact with Shinra's. But as it stand, she just angled her neck slightly to the side, her shadows gently wafting through Shinra's hair as they came out of her neck.

"Shizuo-kun is actually aware of how inexperienced he is." Shinra commented after a few beat of relaxing silence, "That's why he listened, even though it was probably the most awkward moment he had ever spend in my presence. Despite his claim of the contrary, he really doesn't want to hurt Orihara-kun."

[I see. That's good then.]

"Hm."

[But wait… Then how did our living room end up like that?]

"Well like I said he was calm for the first few minutes. It was the time it took me to finish the general explanation I guess… When Shizuo-kun noticed that I was done, he just sort of dismissed quite a lot of them by saying that there were no way those kind of things would work when you're dealing with the flea. I thought he had a point, I still think it by the way. Which is why, I tried to give him some personal pointers. And he got mad."

For some reason Celty felt a strange sense of foreboding. She really didn't want to ask, in fact it probably would have been fine to leave things at that…. But she did anyway. [Personal pointers?]

"Hm. Orihara-kun's weak points. I was starting to list them but Shizuo-kun got mad and started to throw –"

! WHAT?!

[WHAT?!] The PDA nearly collided with Shinra's nose in her agitation.

"Wah! Calm down, Celty!"

[Don't tell me to calm down! What the hell! Of course Shizuo would be angry! I am angry. What were you thinking?!]

"Eh…. Well since Shizuo-kun was so obviously in disadvantages here, I thought it would level the field a little bit."

[Then find another way! Geez, what did you even do with Izaya to know those?]

"Do?" Shinra repeated confusedly, then his face scrunched up as what Celty was implying hit him. "Eww. That's gross. There's no way it would happen, don't worry Celty, all my obscene thoughts had ever only been directed towards you, I swear!"

Celty was pretty sure she wasn't supposed to feel mollified by Shinra's last sentence as it was worrisome in its own right, but she did. [And? You didn't answer the question, how did you know?]

"I'm his doctor you know, since our first year of high school. You probably didn't notice because you used to come back home pretty late, but there was a time when he was coming here nearly every day. Back then he was teaching himself parkour, getting into fights so that he could improve his speed and learn to use his newly acquired switchblade, and he was 'playing' with Shizuo-kun. So I had probably probed and poked at almost every single part of his body by now. Which is why I just sort of noticed, I guess. Ah, but the body I know the best is still Celty's! I know every single one of Celty's good spo – gah! "

Shinra whizzed as he was jabbed on the side by a sharp elbow. But then he started to giggle his arms circling tenderly around Celty's waist. "Heh, heh… A jealous Celty is so cute… but as expected an embarrassed Celty is even better."

[J-jealous?! What are you saying?! I wasn't!]

"Really there's nothing to be jealous of. Like I said to Orihara-kun earlier, there's no way I'd cheat on Celty for someone like him. The only person I'd cheat on Celty with is another Celty."

[Then I hope you get punch by the other Shinra that'd definitely come with her.] Celty deadpanned, but then she caught on Shinra's words, [Eh? Izaya was there?]

"Hm… I'm surprised you didn't bump into each other. He left just about three minutes before you came back."

[We didn't….]

"I see."

[What did he want?]

"Well he wanted to know what happened with Shizuo-kun…And…"

Celty listened quietly, or rather she listened without interrupting him, as Shinra began to retell her his conversation with Izaya, though it seemed there were some parts he glossed over; but she didn't really mind. It wasn't as if she told him everything Shizuo and her were talking about either.

[So you ended up lying to him…] She summarized after he was done.

"I did."

[I'm surprised he fell for it though…. Isn't that guy super good at detecting lies and deceptions?]

"Well knowing him, he probably did notice, but promptly dismissed it."

[Eh? Why?]

"…"

Shinra who usually answered pretty quickly when being asked a straightforward question, kept silent. So much that Celty thought for a moment that he wouldn't answer at all. But just as she was about to break that long awkward pause, Shinra spoke again in a somewhat tired and reluctant tone. "That's because Orihara-kun is under the belief that I only lie to or for the people I care about."

[?!] Celty tilted her neck to the side, her body language conveying without much difficulty her confusion, [… But he's right, though…]

"He is." Shinra confirmed.

[Eh? Then what –] Celty stopped herself mid-typing as a strange realization stuck her. Slowly, very slowly and step by step, as if doubting her own conclusion, she made the reasoning once again. Shinra only lied to people he cared about. Izaya knew that which was why it was unthinkable for him that Shinra would lie, for Shinra only cared for Celty. But the irrefutable fact was that Shinra did lie to Izaya. So, didn't it mean that, that –

As if to confirm her thoughts, Shinra chuckled hollowly as he gazed absent-mindedly at the mountain of furniture, "Orihara-kun can be so stupidly dense sometimes, right?"

Celty was left searching for words. To be completely honest, it wouldn't be an understatement to claim that she was shocked beyond words.

It was true that she had complained about Shinra being a bad friend to Izaya, just yesterday. But the truth was that it had been half-hearted at best. Because she had always believed that they shared a friendship that existed in name only, that considering Izaya's despicable personality and Shinra's lack of interest for anything with a head it was only natural that their friendship couldn't be considered as a true one. And even if it was, then surely it would be impossible for theirs to reach the level of Shizuo's and hers.

But it had been arrogant of her. Lured by the complacency of her flourishing love and of her solid friendships, she had forgotten about a crucial thing. Just as there were thousands and thousands types of love, there were numerous kinds of friendships as well. She of all people, whose relationship with Shinra was based on a twisted love, should have realized and should have known it. Just because it was twisted didn't make it any less genuine.

What rights did she have to judge them? What rights did she have to look down on their friendship? It was obvious now, looking at Shinra and listening to him, that he did care for Izaya in his own twisted way. And it was probably the same on Izaya's side, even if she couldn't see it, as she doubted that Izaya would ever trust her enough to let her even glimpse on that side of him.

But it was alright… There were relationships that you couldn't possibly hope to understand unless you were part of them. Or rather it would seem that Shinra's friendship with Izaya was of a kind that you couldn't understand even when you were part of it, considering that even Izaya didn't get it.

[Shinra…]

Just as she was about to praise him, Shinra snapped out of his serious mood, "After all… If I told him the truth then it would have rendered the point of leveling up the field completely moot, right? I mean he's so silly for not realizing that I would want things to go Shizuo-kun's way. Because then it would resolve the main problem and my sweet Celty would finally stop worrying about their pointless problems and finally focused back on me!"

[…]

"Eh, Celty? Why are you shaking?"

[And to think that for a moment I actually felt proud of you.]

"Wah? You did?! No way? When? Then feel free to feel it out loud! With eighty-percent of love and twenty-percent of adoration, okay? Praise me Celty!"

Celty chuckled silently despite herself. [I'm sorry I must have mistaken it for something else. Probably the urge to punch you.]

"Eh? Wah? Those two things are totally different! Celty, you're so mean!" Shinra whined as he slumped forward, moving so that he would be laying down with his head on Celty's lap. He moved sideways, his face tucked on her belly as he hugged her, his words were slightly muffled against the fabric of her suit. "Celty doesn't need to worry about those two. They're going to be fine. So Celty should just focus on me, okay?"

[How can you be so sure?]

"Hm… just a feeling of sort."

[Ha?]

"Did you know, Celty…? I can't imagine myself living without you. A me without you wouldn't be a me anymore. I might look like me and sound like me, but I can only truly be me if you're by my side. That's how important you are to me."

[?]

[Where did that come from, so suddenly?!]

"Orihara-kun wouldn't be Orihara-kun if Shizuo-kun weren't there. And Shizuo-kun can't be Shizuo-kun if Orihara-kun is gone. No matter what kind of relationship they have… Shizuo-kun always expects Orihara-kun to mess with his life. And Orihara-kun always expects Shizuo-kun to chase after him. A life without the other at that point is inconceivable. So as long as Orihara-kun is there and Shizuo-kun is there with him, they're going to be fine."

[You seem to have put a lot of thoughts into it.]

"Hm? Not really… It's just that I used to watch them fight a lot. So I had plenty of time to think about it. I remember, back when we were still in high school…. Even though they were trying to bite the other's head off, even though they were causing massive destruction without a single care for their surroundings, even though they were barking insults left and right and even though their fight could be generalized into a very simple pattern…. I was thinking that they looked to be having so, so much fun, that there was no way I wouldn't observe something so interesting. And well even now the pattern is pretty much the same, right?

So I thought that it would be great if things never change, if things could stay eternally the way they are…Me with you. And Shizuo-kun and Orihara-kun forever fighting in those so funnily interesting battles."

[….you really got creepy hobbies.]

"Heh, heh, you're as harsh as ever…" Shinra gushed happily,"… but even so, I love you, very, very much."

A fluttering kind of warmness immediately spread through her body at Shinra's words. [Idiot.] She answered fondly, as one of her hand went to thread carefully through Shinra's hair.

Shinra grinned at that, his eyes closing in delight at the caress.

Celty couldn't say how long they stayed like that, just appreciating each other presence, but after a while, "But well, a change might be good too I think…" Shinra opened one of his eyes and stared up at her with mischief "…after all things are going to get even more interesting now."

(ɔ ˘)❤⃛( ' c) TO BE CONTINUED!

And it's done! Phew... I swear that chapter wasn't supposed to be that long... But it just kept growing on its own! I totally blame Shinra and Izaya by the way.

But well anyway, what did you think about it? I hope it wasn't too boring, since there weren't much or (any really) actions...

Since last chapter was from Dotachin's PoV, this chapter is mostly from Celty's and Shinra's. It's my first time writing them interracting with each other... So I don't know if I managed to keep IC, but please bear with it.

Ah and the last part's title is "Passion" so you can probably guess what's going to happen ahah. I don't know when I'll post it, but hopefully sooner than in six months.

So I hope you enjoyed it and thank you very much for your kind reviews!

See ya! :p