A/N: A bit of DQ fun, because those two are fabulous. I'm kicking around a few other ideas for these two, so if you're interested, please hit review and let me know! Hope you enjoy!

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At the loft, a few days after Regina parties with the Queens of Darkness

"Snow White, if you don't stop fussing this instant, I'm going to tie you to the armchair." Granny cocked a hand on her hip. "If you don't trust me to watch the little one, then you stay here, and I'll go off on whatever secret mission you two aren't telling me about."

David bit his lower lip to hold back the chuckle that attempted to escape.

Snow smoothed the blanket around Neal one more time before placing a kiss on his forehead and stepping away from the crib, wringing her hands.

"It'll be fine, Snow." David rubbed his wife's back soothingly.

"You don't know that." Snow jerked away from his touch. "How many times are we going to do this? How many times are we going to have to protect our children from direct threats to their health, to their souls? David . . . what if we don't win this one?"

"We have to believe we will. We've overcome worse in the past. We can do it again. And again and again, if necessary."

"But this time is different."

"Snow-" David cautioned her.

"This time we don't deserve to win. This time, we deserve to lose. David, this time we're the villains."

David sighed. He opened his mouth to contradict her, but his honesty stopped him.

"Just what have you two gotten yourselves into?" Both hands were on Granny's hips now. "And why haven't you let me or my Ruby help you?"

"Back in the Enchanted Forest," Snow swallowed around the bile lodged in her throat, "we did something unconscionable." She shook her head slightly, as though jostling the memory cause it to make more sense. "Maleficent has every reason to hate us. What we did . . . It's unforgivable. Unredeemable."

Granny observed the grim set to David's jaw and the guilty hunch of Snow's posture and concluded that the princess wasn't exaggerating matters.

"So what are we going to do about it?" Granny asked.

"Pardon?"

"Well, it sounds like the Dragon is out to get you and yours, and, justified or not, I don't suppose you are going to stand around and let that happen, so what are we going to do about it?"

"Regina's gone undercover." David looked at Granny for a reaction but couldn't discern one.

"She's spying on the Dragon for you?"

"Yes." Snow collected herself and rejoined the conversation. "She's pretending to go evil again to gain their trust, so she can find out what they're planning and help us stop it."

"Regina, the Evil Queen, is spying on Maleficent, the Dragon, for you?"

"Yes." Snow's brow furrowed in confusion.

"And you're sure she's just playing at being evil?"

"We know she and the other three tore up the diner-" David tried to placate her.

"And drank all my liquor."

"And drank all your liquor. But she needed to convince them that she was on their side."

"Well, Her Majesty did a fine job of that."

"What do you mean?" Snow eyed Granny warily.

"Have one of those computer machines I can use? I have something to show you."

David led them to the desk, punched a few keys on the computer, and offered the desk chair to Granny, who adjusted her spectacles and took a seat.

"Here you are." Granny turned the monitor to make the black and white footage easier for them to see. "Had this surveillance system installed after George framed Ruby for murder a couple years back. Mostly useful for catching shoplifters. 'Til now."

"Wow. Great picture." David admired the sharp picture on the six displayed camera feeds. "Which system is this?"

"Honey, geek out later." Snow patted his hand.

"You'll need to ask Ruby anyway. She insisted on all these fancy bells and whistles that I thought we rarely use, but I guess you're about to be glad we got 'em. Bunch of different cameras. Some zoom in when motion is detected after hours. Almost like watching a movie. Ridiculous for a diner security system, but the girl likes her gadgets."

Granny scrolled and clicked through the menus and pulled up the feed from the night Regina and her new friends went on their spree of indiscriminant property damage. Another click and the front street view was enlarged.

"Whoa! They stole my car before they burnt it?!"

The sheriff's car slammed into view, skidding into a stop in the opposite lane of traffic in front of the diner. Three seconds later, Cruella's Cadillac stopped next to it, hopping forward a foot from the sudden stop.

"Oh my god. Were they drag racing?" Snow covered her mouth with her hand. "That's so dangerous. Someone could have been hurt."

Granny pivoted in her chair and raised her eyebrows at Snow, whose eyes hadn't left the monitor.

"We're talking about Maleficent the Dragon, Cruella de Vil, Ursula the Sea Witch, and her psychoticness herself, the Evil Queen, and you're concerned about a bit of drag racing?"

"Yeah, good point—whoa! Regina won."

Regina strutted around the sheriff's car, and Maleficent exited the passenger side, as Cruella and Ursula spilled out of the Cadillac. Despite the lack of sound, Ursula's large gestures made it clear that she did not appreciate Cruella's manic driving, and Cruella appeared to blame the sea witch's squeamishness for their loss.

Regina made a show of yawning, walked steadily through the squabbling losing pair, and must have made one of her scathing remarks, because Cruella sputtered, Ursula objected, Maleficent laughed, and Regina smirked.

When Regina flung the diner door open with magic, Granny switched the display to show the interior. Another click and Snow and Charming watched Cruella and Ursula help themselves to gin cocktails behind the bar on part of the screen while Regina grilled burgers—under Maleficent's watchful eye—in the kitchen. Granny hit fast forward, and the Queens of Darkness downed gin and prepared burgers at double speed. Regina appeared to be pointing and explaining items in the kitchen while she sliced tomatoes and onions.

"I guess Maleficent wouldn't know anything about this world's technology." Comprehension dawned on Snow's features. "Emma would have killed her before she had a chance to leave the basement of the library."

David squeezed her shoulder.

"She had to do that. To save Henry."

"I know."

David and Snow flinched as Maleficent apparently decided that this world's cooking methods were too slow and breathed fire across the grill, nearly charbroiling Regina in the process.

Regina did not look pleased, but merely arched an eyebrow, which Maleficent answered with a cheeky smile, and then plated the burgers. Regina shoved one at the impatient dragon woman, took one herself, and sauntered out of the kitchen.

After an exchange of snark between Regina and Cruella, the puppy skinner and land squid retrieved their own plates from the kitchen and joined Maleficent and Regina at a table in the middle of the room.

"Guess doing evil works up an appetite." Charming wondered if Maleficent was, somehow, always the dragon. Her burger was gone in two bites.

In no time at all, the women had polished off their burgers, and Regina started clearing the plates, years of conditioning kicking in.

"I don't understand why we needed to see this." Snow crossed her arms over her chest. "We haven't seen anything to suggest that Regina isn't loyal to us, and I don't like watching this. It's like admitting we don't trust her."

"Well, you shouldn't, so don't feel badly that you don't." Granny nodded her head firmly. "Just wait and see."

When Snow turned her attention back to the surveillance feed, Maleficent and Regina were standing by the table, and Maleficent was towering over Regina, delivering one hell of a speech to the younger woman.

"Slow it down." When Granny complied, Snow narrowed her eyes, determined to catch the expressions flitting across Regina's face.

"I can't believe she's just taking it like that."

"She's hurt." Snow surprised herself with that conclusion and with the certainty that she was right. "She cares about Maleficent's opinion."

Maleficent finished her reprimand with a challenge that sent Cruella and Ursula tripping over each other to escape to a far corner of the room.

Regina regarded Maleficent for a long moment, her poker face firmly in place.

Maleficent stared at her in rapt attention.

"I feel like I'm missing something."

"You're always missing something, dear. It's one of the things I love about you." Snow patted her husband's back without taking her eyes off the screen. "But I think we might both be missing something here."

Granny let out something that sounded suspiciously like a "harumph" and shifted in her chair.

Regina jutted her chin, and Maleficent smiled like the cat that was about to eat all the cream.

A flick of Regina's wrist, and the dishes disappeared and the metal napkin holder flew at Maleficent's head.

Maleficent laughed and deftly redirected the clunky box deep into one of Granny's walls.

Regina answered with a smirk, and the two sprung apart, magically flinging any object they could get their thoughts on at each other with a speed that nearly couldn't be registered by human vision.

"Whoa." David's jaw dropped. "Regina is definitely on our side. They're trying to kill each other!"

"Pause it." The two sorceresses were disappearing and reappearing so rapidly that Snow couldn't quite figure out what she was seeing. "Look at her face."

Regina's eyes glinted with a mania reminiscent of her days as the Evil Queen. The more disturbing observation, though, was the joyful smile and the playful spark behind the mania.

"Uh oh." David pointed at Maleficent's face.

The picture of the dragon woman showed her paused mid-laugh and looking twenty years younger.

"Oh my god." Snow felt a hard knot form in her stomach. "They are having fun."

"Not the only ones either." Granny drew their attention to the corner of the screen. Ursula was standing with her tentacles at the ready, but Cruella had fixed herself a giant bowl of popcorn and was gleefully watching the show.

Granny restarted the playback and watched the destruction of her diner.

Every object not bolted to the ground whizzed across the screen until both Regina and Maleficent jerked booths from their moorings and sent them hurtling at each other. Regina sent the ones propelled at her flying through the plate glass windows and into the street while Maleficent incinerated hers with her dragon fire.

Regina allowed the jukebox to fall to the ground, and she and Maleficent both casually rearranged their clothing and walked toward each other with lazy smirks.

"Oh-my-god-they-have-a-safe-word." The air left Snow's lungs in one sharp whoosh. "Dragon fire is their safe word. That is just so wrong. David?"

"I know, Snow." The worry lines on her face were mirrored on his, and he could hear her question as surely as if she'd asked it aloud. Had they missed something huge when they'd ask Regina to betray Maleficent?

Cruella threw popcorn toward the pair, objecting to the end of her entertainment.

Regina rolled her eyes and shared an amused grin with Maleficent.

Cruella's bowl of popcorn levitated and poured itself onto her head. Ursula used a tentacle to pluck it off, revealing a sputtering, apoplectic, buttery Cruella de Vil.

Maleficent and Regina paid her no mind, however, as a table landed beside them and revealed a gleaming set of throwing knives. Apparently, they were conjured by Maleficent, because Regina cocked her head in question, met Maleficent's eyes for a weighty moment, and then began to walk away toward the wall.

Maleficent's hand on her forearm stopped her.

Regina pivoted slowly on her heels to face the older woman, who slid her hand down to Regina's wrist and lightly tugged her back. Wordlessly, she placed a knife in Regina's hand and closed her fingers around it. With one more look at Regina, she walked across the diner and positioned herself in front of the wall.

The silent video feed felt more silent than it had before.

Cruella and Ursula clutched each other's arms and watched with bated breath.

This had not been part of their initiation.

Regina flipped the knife in the air experimentally, feeling its weight and balancing. She set it down, shrugged her restricting jacket off, and flipped the knife again.

Maleficent waited, her arms by her sides and her posture relaxed.

Five knives zipped through the air in quick succession, causing Ursula and Cruella to jump.

Regina straightened from her throwing stance and held Maleficent's gaze as she walked slowly across the room to retrieve her knives. Regina stood directly in front of her, so close that they could feel each other's breath. Without breaking their eye contact, Regina grasped the hilt of the knife beside Maleficent's left hip, yanked it out of the wall, and vanished it. She did the same for the knife on the opposite side and the knives lodged in the narrow space between Maleficent's arm and breast on each side.

The only knife that remained was the one that pinned Maleficent's hat to the wall.

Regina moved impossibly closer, their chests now brushing. She reached her arm over Maleficent's head, but, instead of grabbing the last knife, she reached behind Maleficent's ear and removed a hairpin. One by one, she removed the hairpins, her fingers occasionally brushing Maleficent's neck, until her hair tumbled free in messy, blonde waves.

Maleficent looked at Regina under hooded eyes, waiting to see what the queen would do next. Only the quick rise and fall of her chest, grazing Regina's each time, gave away that she was anything other than calm.

Regina's eyes flitted from Maleficent's eyes to her lips to her loose curls and back again. She pulled her lower lip between her teeth and bit it.

Maleficent's pupils dilated.

Regina regarded her for a long moment and then reached up and twined a lock of Maleficent's hair between her fingers.

"Umm . . . what are we watching?" David shuffled uncomfortably behind Granny's chair.

"Shh!" Snow batted her hands at him, eyes glued to the monitor.

Maleficent tilted her face down toward Regina, arched an eyebrow, and asked a question.

The corners of Regina's eyes crinkled, and her mouth widened into the widest, most stunning smile. She was radiant.

"Wow." Snow gaped.

"Yeah."

"I wouldn't have recognized her." Snow's voice was tight and high pitched.

They read the "Yes" off Regina's lips and watched her tug Maleficent's face down to hers by her hair, slide her arms around her, and kiss her deeply.

Maleficent responded instantly. She melded into Regina and ran her hands over as much of her as she could reach before settling one hand firmly on Regina's ass and using the other to pull her head down by her dark hair to better the angle for ravishing her mouth.

Cruella and Ursula bolted out the back exit of the diner, sending chairs scattering across the floor.

Neither Maleficent nor Regina noticed.

Maleficent spun them so that Regina was now the one pressed against the wall, Maleficent's grey-trimmed hat pinned several inches above her. Regina's mouth dropped open in surprise, and Maleficent wasted no time in reclaiming it while wrenching Regina's blouse apart and sending its buttons flying.

"And that's enough of that." Granny hit pause and swiveled in her chair to face the Charmings.

Snow's face was flushed, and Charming had his coat folded strategically over his arms.

"Are you sure there isn't more we should see?"

Charming received an elbow to the gut from Snow for his trouble.

"I mean, there could be more information on the video! What if they talk about finding the Author and we miss it, because we didn't watch the rest of it?"

Snow glared at him and Granny looked unimpressed.

"I'm going to check on the little one." As she left the room, amusement shone from Granny's eyes at the shell-shocked expressions on her monarchs' faces.

"Umm, Snow?"

"Not now, Charming."

"No, really, Snow-"

"No, Charming. We are notgoing to watch anymore video of my step-mother getting it on with a dragon. We are not."

"But Snow-"

"I'm serious, Charming."

"Snow!" Charming looked as surprised as Snow that he snapped at her, but bravely continued on. "That's not what I was going to say."

"Okay." Snow regarded him more seriously. "What were you going to say?"

"Let's pack up. Let's get Neal, grab the necessities, drop a burner phone with Emma at the dock, and leave Storybrooke."

"You can't be serious. Give up?"

"You said it yourself. We're the villains this time. We don't deserve to win. And, Snow. We're not going to. We pissed off a dragon—a dragon—by separating her from her baby and darkening its soul, and now we know Regina is on her side instead of ours. We barely survived each of them separately. So let's cut our losses and run."

"I don't know, Charming. It just doesn't seem right."

"Snow," he grasped her hands, bent down, and looked her straight in the eyes, "what if Regina's the father?"

"That's not possible."

Charming shrugged and started throwing necessities into a bag.

"I don't know, Snow. That's what people in this land say about us." He paused in his packing and challenged her. "Do you know where baby dragons come from?"

Snow's eyes went as wide as saucers.

"I'll pack Neal's stuff."