A/N: It's been quite some time since this was updated, but there are still plenty of requests that I need to get through in this universe.

This chapter covers quite a bit of ground, especially concerning Gajeel and Erik. And, of course, some more BixCo. There will be some time jumps, so I tried to keep it clear where we're at in the timeline.

As a point of reference, we're jumping back to Day 3: Pin Up.

Erik is 21. Bickslow is 23.

Requestors: Fareetauhl, dragonloverpower, KawaiiOtaku100, m00nbunnie, shvartzit, W1n6s-0f-F1r3 , Fareetauhl, FW Wandering

Bickslow really couldn't get enough of the way Erik's chest heaved while he was in the throes of passion. How his deeply tanned stomach quivered while his lover's tongue snaked over it to lap up the milky white trails that had splashed onto him. For the first time in his life, Bickslow had found himself wrapped around a man's finger, and he never wanted to let this go.

"I… Fuck, I love you, Bix," Erik panted. He moaned when his boyfriend grinned while bringing their lips together, his arms winding around the muscular body he'd grown addicted to over the past two years.

"I love you too, Coby."

It had been several hours since Erik had gotten off the phone with Lucy, but there had been a single thought nagging at the back of Bickslow's mind since then.

"No one hurts my baby sister and gets away with it."

He just couldn't understand what Erik had meant. Or even why Lucy had gotten herself so worked up in the first place over her and Macbeth moving forward in their relationship. The two had been together for a year, and he'd already learned just that day alone that they'd hardly gone past a couple touches here and there.

And Bickslow knew Macbeth had to have wanted more than just that with Lucy. Who in their right mind wouldn't? She was gorgeous and hilarious, and downright sexy even though he could tell she never tried to be.

Erik frowned into the kiss and slowly turned his head away to draw Bickslow's attention. "You okay?"

For his part, Bickslow only shrugged and buried his head in the crook of Erik's neck, peppering the soft flesh with slow kisses.

"Something's on your mind," Erik whispered, his eye narrowing. It wasn't hard to tell when Bickslow was a little preoccupied. He'd been that way while they were having sex, but Erik had been too wrapped up in the pleasure streaking through his body to ask any questions. But when he could quite literally feel how distant his boyfriend was while they were kissing, he needed to know what the hell was going on.

And maybe it was more about Erik feeling a little insecure concerning their relationship, even after two years together, because Bickslow had been adamantly straight before they started seeing each other. What had been simply hanging out to the blue-haired Theology major, had eventually turned into the best relationship Erik had ever been in.

He really didn't want that to disappear.

Bickslow rolled onto his side, pulling the smaller tanned body right along with him. "Not a good time to talk about it," he finally sighed. He knew Erik was curious, and that it would only get worse until he just came clean and asked what the hell he'd been talking about to Lucy, but right after sex? Yeah, horrible timing.

The only issue was that Erik was the master of horrible timing when he wanted to be. And he was pushy.

Just before he could say anything, Bickslow opened his eyes and propped himself up on one elbow. "I don't want you getting pissed because I'm curious about something," he said while tenderly stroking Erik's scarred cheek.

"Why would I get pissed?"

"Because it's about Lucy."

Erik blinked slowly, his eye narrowing in suspicion. "Is this about her and Midnight?" When Bickslow nodded, he sighed and pulled away from his lover, rolling toward the edge of the bed. "I'm not talking about it," he frowned. "It's not my place to say anything."

"Coby, I just wanna know what you meant."

"What I meant?" He turned to look at Bickslow over his shoulder just before standing up, his frown deepening.

"You said 'No one hurts-'"

"No," Erik spat. "I'm not saying a thing. You wanna know, then you have to ask Bright Eyes. But I'll tell you right now that I'll cut out your fucking tongue before you get the chance."

"Erik!" Bickslow sat up and quickly reached out toward Erik, wrapping a firm hand around his lover's wrist. It wasn't often that the guy would take that tone with him. Like he was actually planning on carrying through with his threat. In fact, Bickslow couldn't ever remember Erik sounding like he was serious about hurting someone. "What the fuck?"

"Leave it alone, Bickslow."

"I'm Bickslow now?" he asked, his eyes wide. "Baby, what's going on? Why are you acting like this?"

Erik moved to pull away, scowling down at the hand that tightened on him. "Will you please move your fucking hand?" he whispered. He tried again, groaning in annoyance when he felt Bickslow moving closer and those familiar, muscular arms winding around his waist from behind. At least the guy had gotten the picture and let go of his wrist. That was still a sensitive spot for him, and not in a good way. Thankfully, he didn't have any scars there from his childhood, but he felt like he did.

"There," Bickslow whispered gently. "I moved my hand. Baby, just talk to me."

"I can't," Erik whispered.

"If not about that, then something else. Just don't pull away from me, okay?"

"I won't talk about that shit," Erik said again, sighing as Bickslow pulled him just a little closer.

"Can you help me understand why, maybe?" Bickslow asked. "You don't have to say what it's about, but… I just want to understand."

Erik frowned and bit his lip, indecision curling in his gut. Bickslow had always been about understanding why things were the way they were. It was what had really attracted Erik to him in the first place, even before his physical appearance. Any time the guy found out something new about the issues Erik had, he wouldn't just run. He worked through it, just like he was a researcher in a lab - in a way that helped Erik himself put some distance from it and handle it as well.

"If you found out," Erik finally said. "You'd… You'd leave me."

"I'm not gonna leave you over nothing," Bickslow frowned. "Why would you think that?"

"Because it's not nothing. Bix, I…"

The blue-haired man loosened his grip and simply watched as Erik moved to sit against the headboard. He didn't make any sudden moves, and already knew that sometimes his boyfriend just needed to have some distance, even while they were talking. "Do you want your boxers?"

Erik nodded, then caught the underwear Bickslow tossed to him. Once they were both dressed - because Bickslow was putting his own back on and taking a seat on the foot of the bed - Erik stared down at his hands and sat in silence.

"Should I ask the questions, or…" Bickslow ran a hand through his hair when Erik shook his head.

"Do you promise to hear me out through the whole thing?"

"You know I will."

"I want you to promise, Bix," Erik said earnestly. "I've never told anyone this. Not the whole thing. Bright Eyes and Midnight know some of it, but Gajeel knows all of it. He was there, so…"

"I understand," Bickslow nodded. "And I-"

"No," Erik whispered. "I mean, I want you to promise, but I don't wanna force you to hear it…"

"Baby, I'll listen to however much you wanna tell me. You know that."

Erik wanted to ask Bickslow to promise not to leave, but really… He had every right to do just that. "I murdered someone," he finally said. It was probably best to just get the biggest bomb out of the way, and if Bickslow didn't run right then, then he could explain why.

"... What?"

"A few years back," Erik nodded, slowly lifting his head to look into a pair of shocked, crimson eyes. "You deserve to know the whole thing, so I'll tell you. But… Just promise me that, whatever I do tell you… You won't tell Macbeth and Lucy."

"Why… Erik, I can't promise that…"

"They know I killed him," he said. "They just don't know who it was. And Gajeel and I swore we'd never tell them. Please, Bix. If you wanna have me locked up, then fine. Just… Just promise you won't tell them, okay?"

Bickslow shifted uncomfortably on the end of the bed, but he still gave a short nod. It seemed more important to Erik than anything that this be kept a secret. They didn't keep secrets from one another, with his boyfriend's childhood being the only thing that was really just off-limits to talk about. But, Bickslow had learned enough about that in small tidbits that he understood why Erik didn't want to even think about it.

"Alright," he finally whispered. "I promise not to tell Macbeth and Lucy."

Erik let out a slow breath, then grabbed one of the pillows and hugged it to his chest as he started to speak.

And as Bickslow heard the story about Lucy being raped when she was sixteen, and how Erik had seen her in the hospital, bruised and finally sleeping in Macbeth's arms, he started to understand why she had a hard time opening up physically with her boyfriend. He had a hard time picturing the blonde looking so broken, but he was sure that five years could do wonders where healing was concerned. Sometimes.

"So," Erik sighed, "Gajeel and I started looking into it. It took us a couple months to put the pieces together, because he had to break into the police station and get copies of her file… But when we did, it wasn't too hard to find the guy."

Erik's amethyst eyes narrowed while he sat in the passenger seat of Gajeel's car. With the engine off and the windows cracked to let in a little air, the two sat in complete silence, waiting for the bastard to get home from meeting with his parole officer. And then they continued waiting.

It wasn't until after ten at night, five hours after they'd arrived and seen him walking into the little shithole duplex that the two put their plan into action. The two teenagers got out of the car, closing the doors as silently as possible, and Erik kept one hand on the black strap of his backpack as he and Gajeel made their way around the back of the building.

Neither of them had been expecting to find the guy outside smoking a damn cigarette when they jumped over the fence.

And Erik, especially, hadn't known he would be seeing the motherfucker grinning as though he had all the damn answers sitting in his back pocket.

"Can I help you kids with something?"

Gajeel's crimson eyes hardened along with his jaw, and he took a step closer, placing himself between the man and Erik. "We're just lookin' for someone," he said. "Got a bone to pick with 'im."

"What sort of bone might that be?"

"That's between us and him," Gajeel shrugged.

But Erik already knew that the raven-haired teenager with him was aware that this was who they were looking for. They'd studied his description enough times to be able to pick him out of a damn lineup. There were only so many guys out there that had tattoos like his, but it was something that wasn't in the file in its entirety. Lucy had started drawing little doodles on her notebook that were identical to this guy's tattoos. It had to be him.

The problem with this whole shitstorm now was that there was no way they could sneak up on the guy. He was expecting them, it seemed. And damn it, that just made Erik want him dead so much more.

"You got an alibi for a few months back?" he asked.

"I haven't committed any crimes," the man with silver hair chuckled. "Just ask my parole officer."

Erik's jaw tightened when he put the cigarette out in the little black ashtray on his leg. And when the man stood up, looking for all the world as though he was ready to just walk back inside, Erik's eyes followed the little plastic tray down to the white lawn chair he'd been sitting on.

"You kids are welcome to come inside, if you'd like. I've got some beer."

"We're underage, man," Gajeel scowled.

"Oh, I won't tell if you won't," he chuckled.

Erik nudged Gajeel's side with his elbow, then gave a nod when his companion looked at him. Maybe if they could just get inside, then they could ambush the bastard. These duplexes were small, after all, and the man they were after was probably too old and too slow to really keep up with them. "A beer sounds pretty fucking awesome," Erik smirked. "Thanks."

Gajeel's hands tightened into fists as he followed Erik and the man inside, closing the door behind them. The place was a fucking dump with used paper plates and empty pizza boxes everywhere. He and Erik took a seat on the ratty couch, and while the man went to get the beers from the fridge, Gajeel turned to glare at his friend.

"Just follow my lead," Erik whispered, barely moving his lips. "And don't say my name."

He remembered very well how the people that had taken and sold him repeatedly when he was a kid had made sure to never use their names. Not their real names. Because, if he ever got free and ratted them out, no one wanted the little slave to be able to identify them.

"So," Erik said a little louder, "You said a parole officer?"

"Yes. I've recently been released from prison."

"What did you do?"

"Hope it wasn't kiddy porn or some shit," Gajeel sneered as the man rounded the corner with a six pack. The two teens took a beer, then opened them. Neither really drank the contents as they lifted the cans to their lips.

"No," the man chuckled. "It was murder. Well, I should say I was convicted of murder and domestic assault, but… I'm innocent."

"Hence the parole," Erik nodded. "Makes sense."

"You're a pretty smart kid."

"I hear that a lot."

"And what might two boys be doing out here at this time of night?" He took a swig of his beer and rested the can on his knee, his grey eyes flitting from one teenager to the other. "Looking to make a score by breaking and entering somewhere?"

"Something like that," Gajeel chuckled darkly.

"Well, you two sure look like a couple criminals. Then again, living in that orphanage, I wouldn't really expect either of you to have a whole lot of anything."

"Wait," Bickslow frowned. "What do you mean, he knew you and Gajeel were in the damn orphanage?"

Erik ran a hand through his hair again. He'd lost count how many times it had happened while he'd been telling the story. "I mean just that. He knew exactly who me and Gajeel were. Our names, where Gajeel's old man used to work before he fucking died. All of it."

"And you were sitting in his damn house, getting ready to kill him," Bickslow said.

"We were. We had the whole thing planned out. Tase him, throw his ass in the trunk, drive out to the woods and kill him. Then leave his body for the animals. It was easy when we talked about how to do it."

"Erik, if you knew who raped Lucy, why didn't you just tell the fucking cops?"

"They wouldn't have believed us," Erik scowled. "And even if they had, it would have killed her to find out who he was."

"Who the hell was he?" Bickslow asked. "You've still left that part out."

Erik lifted his head, his single indigo eye openly displaying the sadness he felt. "He went by Brain," he whispered. "The bastard was Macbeth's fucking dad."

Gajeel didn't waste any time with small talk, and instead lunged for Brain. Their arms locked together, with the pierced teenager struggling more than he would have thought to overpower the bastard.

"This is about the little blonde, right?" Brain laughed. "Tell me, is she still in the hospital?"

"Shouldn't you already fuckin' know, ya goddamn stalker?"

Brain's eyes flashed with rage, and he brought one foot up, then kicked Gajeel in the knee. Just as the raven-haired teen collapsed with a roar of pain, Brain spun and caught Erik's throat in one hand before he could reach into his backpack for the taser. "I'm not a stalker," he smirked.

Gajeel coughed when a heavy foot connected with his ribs, then his jaw. Erik gripped Brain's hand tightly as the toes of his boots scraped along the floor while Brain lifted him higher.

"I'm a professional," Brain chuckled. "You should get to know who your target is. Learn their habits. And let me tell you, I was very happy she was walking alone that night."

Erik gasped for every ounce of precious air he could get, letting his legs and hands fall limp to conserve his energy. He could hear Gajeel grunt, feeling Brain's weight shift when he moved to kick the other teen to keep him on the ground.

"Should I tell you what I did to her?" Brain asked the maroon-haired teen. "How she tried to fight back, so I hit her over the head with a rock. I can still smell her slutty little cunt at night sometimes. It's not what I was being paid to do, but… I was just supposed to give her a message anyway."

"Wh-What?" Erik croaked.

"Oh, I did forget to actually do that part," Brain laughed. "Here, I'll tell you. And then you and your little friend here can go back and tell Lucy. How does that sound?"

"Yer a… goddamn liar," Gajeel coughed. He groaned when the next kick hit him in the jaw, sending spit and blood spattering across the stained, grey carpet. "Yer just gonna kill us, ain't ya?"

"Possibly," Brain grinned. "Maybe just you. And I'll let the runt live."

Erik's eyes rolled back in his head when his vision darkened, but he forced himself to keep trying to pull in air. No matter how little it was.

"So, here's the message: Ivan wants the little girl dead, but he's planning on doing it himself. So, tell Lucy that she's got until he gets out of prison to figure something out. No cops, either. They'll never believe her."

"Wh-Why… you?" Gajeel whimpered.

"Oddly enough, they made us cellmates," Brain replied. He frowned down at Erik and loosened his grip just enough so the boy didn't lose consciousness, then smacked him for good measure. "I got to tell Ivan all about my little faggot son who wears makeup, how he wanted to be like his mother so badly that I decided to kill him. Then, the little shit ran out and went to the neighbor, only to get her killed in the process."

Erik had to fight to keep himself still at that. "So, you are Macbeth's dad."

"Oh, he told you about me? Was it while he was sucking your dick?"

"Macbeth ain't gay," Gajeel growled.

"It doesn't really matter. He's a disappointment. And Lucy… Well, Ivan told me how he had her father killed, and the little bitch was lying under Jude's corpse. She pointed the finger at him, since he showed up looking for keys to Jude's safe. And now he's just getting her back for it. It was just a bonus that she's so close to that pathetic excuse for a son I had."

"You're… so f-fucking dead," Gajeel panted. He groaned as another kick hit him in the side.

And Erik finally took that opportunity to pull the knife from his pocket and send it careening into Brain's stomach. The silver-haired man's shock lasted just long enough for Erik to lunge forward and push him back down onto the couch.

"You stabbed me," Brain said, blinking in surprise.

"The name's Cobra, you little shit," Erik rasped. His anger had gotten the better of him by then, and instead of a flashback to when he was a little kid, instead of imagining he was hurting the men that had abducted and tortured and fucking raped him when he was only a child, all Erik could see was Lucy lying in the hospital bed. Her swollen face. Tears drying on her cheeks. The bandages that she'd tried to hide while leaving the hospital.

He saw Macbeth's missing makeup, that he knew had been scrubbed off while his best friend had cried in the hospital with her.

Lucy and Macbeth sleeping in bed together, and hearing her whimper and cry in her sleep, even with Macbeth's arms around her. How she would wake up screaming almost every night.

Erik withdrew the knife and sunk it back into Brain's torso, moving just a little higher. "And this is for hurting my fucking family."

Brain wrapped a hand around Erik's wrist, pushing the knife in deeper. His eyes were wide and crazed as he leaned forward slightly. "Is that the best you've got, Cobra?"

And suddenly, Erik could feel a part of him breaking inside. He didn't disconnect from the moment, and instead shivered in delight as the knife ripped up the center of Brain's chest. And as the man coughed up a mouthful of blood, Erik sneered and brought the knife to his throat. "You're not worth my best," he hissed.

"And then I cut his throat," Erik whispered. "Gajeel actually had to pull me off of him, even after Brain died. I just kept… cutting him. Stabbing him. Making sure he... I couldn't stop."

Bickslow swallowed the bile rising in his throat, listening in horror at the odd sharpness in his lover's voice. There was pain there, he could see that much, but it was the fact that Erik was nearly smiling while describing what he'd done to kill Lucy's attacker that had his blood running cold.

"We cut him up though," Erik continued. "Then we drove out of town and tossed his body parts in the woods, a couple different streams… I… I kept his head though."

"… You what?"

"I kept his head. I had to find a way to make it so he couldn't be identified. I stole some acid from the chemistry lab and burned his fingerprints off. But, dental records… Shit like that… I wasn't gonna risk it."

"Wh-What did you…"

"I ripped his teeth out and threw them in the trash when I went back to school. Then I used lye and water to burn his skin off," Erik answered. "It was… It was like a horror movie, y'know? Where the skin just melts like wax? Then I took a hammer and crushed his skull and scattered it in the woods somewhere."

"Is that…" Bickslow cleared his throat a few times before he could get his voice relatively even. "Is that all of it?"

Erik nodded, not daring to look at the man he loved right then. "After it was done, I told Midnight that Gajeel and I handled it. He wanted to know who it was, but… I couldn't tell him. I couldn't look him in the eye and say, 'Your dad got out of prison and raped the girl you love, because the guy she got locked up is still holding a grudge'. So I lied. I told him, and I told Lucy, that me and Gajeel found the guy, who was some drug dealing asshole that was looking to get into sex trafficking, and that we made sure he'd never hurt her or anyone else again."

"So, they know you… you k-killed someone."

"They do. And that I hid his body. Not where. Just enough for the two of them to feel at peace with it. That's all I wanted."

"Um…" Bickslow took a shaky breath, and was shocked to find that he was struggling to sit still when Erik finally looked at him. He wanted to shy away from the smaller man.

"You know I killed people before," Erik whispered. "Is this any different?"

"Y-You were a kid," Bickslow said, sounding unsure even to himself. "They hurt you. That was, y'know… It was self-defense then."

"And with Brain?"

"That was just murder."

"It was for Lucy. No one would have ever found out he did it. We only did because I heard Lucy talking in her sleep sometimes. She'd whisper something, and I'd hear it and write it down…"

"You didn't just murder him though."

"No," Erik answered. "I slaughtered the bastard. And I'd do it again in a fucking heartbeat."

Bickslow didn't fight his natural reaction to draw back at that. He nearly fell off the bed in the process, but he just needed to have a little more space between himself and Erik. And, of course, that action didn't go unnoticed.

"I'd do anything to keep her safe, Bickslow," Erik whispered, staring down at his hands again. "Anything at all. Lucy's the only person aside from Macbeth that gets me… They've never judged me for being the way I am, not just being gay but… The fact that I'm an asshole with more issues than a goddamn magazine stand. Lucy's always been there to make me smile, just by being who she is… He took her smile away from me - away from everyone - for a long time…"

"Erik, I… I mean, I wanna say I get it. But, I just don't." Bickslow stood up and wrapped his arms around himself, feeling a disgusted shudder rippling under his skin. "It's disgusting, and… And insane."

"I never said I was sane, Bix," Erik sighed. "But, I can see it… When I look at you, I know what you're thinking…"

"And what's that?"

"You're gonna leave me," Erik replied. "I told you it wasn't nothing. It's a pretty fucking big something."

"I-I never said I was leaving you," Bickslow said quickly. He winced a moment later when he realized that Erik might have a point though.

"It's bad enough I'm schizophrenic, Bix. But you know I've still got PTSD, no matter how much fucking therapy I go through. And now you know I'm a murderer on top of that. Can you really see yourself sticking it out with me?"

"You make it sound like you want me gone."

"No," Erik said as he stood up and set the pillow back on the bed. "I'm just being realistic. I understand if you can't be with me now that you know about this shit, but I'm not sorry for killing that bastard, and I never will be. He fucking deserved to die for what he did to her."

"He deserved to go back to jail, Erik."

"Well, I disagree."

The two stood in silence, simply looking at one another. But Bickslow just couldn't set it all to the side and move on. There was no way in hell he could do that. The man standing in front of him looked just like Erik, just like the one he loved, but there was something so much darker in him that Bickslow hadn't known about. And there was more that he'd found out about Erik's own childhood that just had him ready to vomit.

Because Bickslow knew that Erik was barely five when he'd been brought to the orphanage. And he'd mentioned during the story that the guys that had kept him locked up had raped him. Erik had never mentioned that particular detail before, and Bickslow was sure he hadn't meant to then, either.

"I-I need some time, okay?" Bickslow finally whispered. "I've gotta think, and… And I've got a paper due soon, so…"

Erik simply nodded and moved toward the pile of clothes on the floor. "Sure," he whispered while getting dressed. "Focus on the paper, okay? Maybe we can… talk after that's done or something."

Bickslow wanted to reach out and stop his boyfriend from leaving, but found his hands weren't willing to move. And even when he could hear the man stomping his feet into his boots and walking out of the door, Bickslow was rooted to the spot. Eventually, he slowly sank to the floor, staring at the bed he and Erik shared, and wondering just how he'd been able to sleep next to a man that could murder someone so brutally, and never even know it.

After a week of spending all his free time at the library, then going home and sleeping on the couch so Bickslow could have the space he needed, Erik was at his wit's end. But he couldn't push anything. He had to be patient, and he knew that Bickslow needed time. Not for his paper - because Erik had realized while walking down the street that day that Bickslow had already turned it in the week before - but just with the new information he'd learned about Erik.

Or, about Cobra.

So the only thing that was left for him to do was to pack up a bag and write the guy a note. It was simple, because he really didn't want to make Bickslow feel guilty for what was happening. Erik knew how this was going to play out, that he was going to lose the man he loved over what he'd done.

"Bix, I packed up a couple things to crash with Midnight. I figure you want some space, so I'll stay out of your hair. I'll have my cell on if you need me. Call me anytime. I love you. -Erik"

He wasn't one for writing little love notes, that was more Bickslow's thing. Still, he just wanted the guy to remember that, no matter what he'd done before, Erik still loved him. His past didn't change how he felt for Bickslow, even if it did change things for the blue-haired man.

Erik showed up at Macbeth's apartment and knocked on the door, his eye downcast and his shoulders hunched in defeat. This was something he'd never really imagined having to do. Hell, Erik had never thought he'd be in a relationship with someone this long, or that it would be as serious as it was with Bickslow.

"Hey, Cobra," Macbeth chuckled while standing in the doorway. "I was just going out to meet up with Dawn."

"M-Macbeth?" Erik whispered.

Red eyes widened in surprise at the use of his name, and the small catch in Erik's voice. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"C-Can I, um… Can I st-stay here for a couple days?"

Macbeth took in Erik's posture, then the duffel bag slung over his shoulder. And as soon as his oldest friend looked up at him, and Macbeth saw that tears had broken past his lashes and started trickling down his cheek, he didn't even hesitate to act. He quickly pulled Erik inside, slamming the door shut and wrapping his arms around his friend's shaking shoulders. "What happened?"

"I-I just need a p-place to go," Erik whimpered, dropping his bag to the floor. "I-It's Bix."

"What did he do?"

Erik shook his head and felt the first muffled sob breaking past his lips. "I-I fucked up… H-He's gonna leave me!"

When Macbeth's phone rang not a moment later, he reached into his back pocket and pulled it out, tightening his grip when Erik tried to pull away. "Lucy," Macbeth whispered. "Change of plans tonight."

"What? I thought we were-"

"Can you come over? It's really important."

"Midnight," Lucy groaned. "If you're just trying to…" Her voice faded when she heard a second voice in the background.

"I-It's fine," Erik stuttered, sniffling loudly as he tried to pull away again. "I can go. Y-You have plans, a-and-"

"Erik," Macbeth scowled. "Shut up. You're not going anywhere."

"What happened to him?" Lucy gasped.

"Something about Bickslow. Can you come over?" Macbeth sighed when he heard Lucy's door slamming and the pounding of her feet before the line cut off. Apparently, she would be running over. He put his phone back in his pocket, then carefully led Erik through his apartment and over to the couch.

By the time the blonde arrived, Erik was too far into his own breakdown to answer any questions. It was the first time either of them had seen him really let loose like this, but knowing it was about Bickslow, both of them were sure something had seriously gone wrong. And while all Lucy wanted to do was call the guy and rip into him about whatever he'd done to upset Erik, that was one thing he was able to articulate.

"Don't bother Bickslow. I'm not worth it."

Just what the hell had happened to bring Erik down this far, they hadn't a clue, but both Lucy and Macbeth wanted to find out.

A solid month had gone by and Erik was still sleeping on Macbeth's couch. Well, he'd insisted that he would stay on the couch, even though Macbeth had said he didn't have a problem sharing the bed, but Erik had found out rather quickly that he just couldn't sleep without Bickslow by his side.

How he was managing to get to his classes and function, Erik wasn't entirely sure. Because one of the many things he'd left at the apartment they shared, was his medication. All five of his prescriptions. And even though Erik felt like he didn't really need to take the shit most of the time, he still did it. Antipsychotics, depression, anxiety, sleep medication... But, he'd gone a month without it, and he was realizing all over again why schizophrenics are supposed to stay on their goddamn meds.

He'd been able to manage it a little bit by finding an old bottle of his anxiety pills in the bottom of his bag, then breaking them in half to stretch out the ten pills that were most likely expired. But it wasn't doing him a whole lot of good.

He'd skipped his classes for the day and ended up just lying on the couch, staring at the television that hadn't been turned on for the past three hours. When Erik had heard the weatherman telling him that someone was watching him and waiting for him to fall asleep so they could drug him, he'd decided that it was probably for the best to keep it off.

Bickslow hadn't called him a single time in the past month. Erik had diligently checked to see if maybe he'd missed the call. He'd used Macbeth's phone in the middle of the day - when the guy was still passed out - to call himself, just to make sure it was working.

The door to the apartment opened and closed, but he didn't move. The clock said five-thirty, which meant it couldn't be Macbeth. He was still working.

A Taco Bell bag was set on the coffee table, right in his line of sight, and Erik slowly blinked when he felt Lucy tenderly lifting his head from the couch cushion. She sat down where his head had been, and he sighed while getting a little more comfortable with the new pillow she was providing him.

For a month, Lucy and Macbeth had been trying to get Erik to talk to them about what had happened, but he wouldn't say a thing about it. Any time Bickslow was mentioned, he'd just shut down. But both of them knew the signs to look out for where Erik's medication was concerned. He'd gone off of it before, and neither of them could figure out how he was still functioning as well after this much time.

Lucy had even tried talking to Gajeel, asking if he could get in touch with Bickslow to see if they could get Erik's pills from the apartment. But, from what Gajeel had told her, no one had heard from him. He wasn't answering his calls, and he wasn't going to campus for his classes. She'd heard from Levy, who had a few friends in the Graduate program working as TA's, that Bickslow had sent at least one of his professors an email saying that he had some personal matters he needed to deal with, and he wouldn't be able to make it in for classes. From what Lucy had been told, he was still turning in his work and keeping his grades up.

He'd left his keys at his and Bickslow's apartment. Lucy could only assume it was so that he wouldn't be tempted to just go back. Sitting on the dresser in Erik's bedroom was the number for his psychologist - instead of being saved in his phone - along with his prescription information, so he couldn't get a refill to tide him over until he went back home. And neither Lucy nor Macbeth knew which psychologist he was seeing now.

"Erik," she whispered. "Honey, talk to me."

"Huh?"

She lightly touched his face to draw his attention to her, smiling when he rolled onto his back. "I need to know what happened with you and him."

"Nothing," Erik said, just a little too quickly. "I didn't… Well, I did. I just… I told him what I did, and I don't blame him. I knew it'd happen once he knew, anyway."

"What are you talking about?"

"I hope he doesn't tell the cops though," Erik whimpered. "I mean, I said he could. They might already know…"

"Know about what?" Lucy frowned.

"When I killed that bastard," he sighed.

"You told Bickslow-" Lucy paused when he visibly flinched. "I mean… You told him about it?" She'd thought they already had that conversation the year before, when Bickslow had decided that his relationship with Erik was more important than his friendship with Laxus. Granted, Erik had thrown out an ultimatum, because he still held a grudge over the stunts Ivan's son had pulled with Lucy over the years, but she was positive it would have come up at some point before.

Apparently, she'd been wrong.

Erik nodded. "Everything. Even how I got rid of the body. He's gonna leave me. Lucy, if he leaves, they'll come for me…"

"You know we won't let anyone take you away, Erik," Lucy whispered. It had been a little strange the first time she'd had to do this for him, to play into his delusions so he would stay calm. But, Lucy had been taught by Kyouka and Seilah how far she could go in humoring him, and when she needed to call it quits and get professional help for him.

"But, he kept them away," he whimpered. "Bright Eyes, I heard them… They said…"

"Erik, no one's coming for you," she insisted softly. "And if they are, then we'll lock all the doors and windows. We won't let them get inside the apartment. Do you wanna help me with that?"

Erik nodded quickly and stood up, latching onto Lucy's hand with his own that shook the closer they got to the front door. "Nice and fast?"

"The faster, the better," she nodded. She moved forward and leaned against the door so no one could push it open, not that anyone was going to, then gestured for him to lock it. And once the deadbolt was turned, his hand was instantly seeking hers out again.

It took a little over ten minutes to move through Macbeth's apartment, checking all the windows and doors. Once they were finished, Lucy led Erik back over to the couch and sat him down. "It's time for you to go home, Cobra," she whispered.

"What?" he asked distractedly, glancing toward the television, then the window across the room. "Can we close the blinds, too?"

"Erik," she sighed. "You need to talk to Bick - I mean, talk to him. And you need your medicine."

"It's not poison," he nodded. "I know. I just can't take it right now."

"Why?"

"Because he's holding it hostage." Erik frowned while closing his eye, then took several deep breaths. He knew that he was acting out of the norm, and it just meant that he needed to try and focus a little more. Sometimes it worked, just stopping and taking a deep breath - or twenty - to get his thoughts on the task at hand and not what he was hearing, or how paranoid he felt. Once his eye opened again, and he looked at the blonde, he winced with embarrassment. "I sound crazy, don't I?"

"Nah," Lucy smiled tenderly. "That was mild. You were able to calm yourself down, though, so that's a plus."

"Bright Eyes, will you just cuddle with me?" he asked sadly. "He always cuddled with me…"

The blonde turned sideways on the couch, leaving enough room for him to lie down between her and the back cushions. Once he was situated, she settled in next to him and found his head lying just above her breasts.

"Is this okay?" Erik whispered.

"It's fine," Lucy said, giving him an easy smile. Before, she might have been a little hesitant to allow it, but having opened up to Macbeth a little more had also given her just a tad bit more confidence. Besides, she trusted Erik with her life.

He let out a heavy sigh as her arms wound around his shoulders. And as soon as one of Lucy's hands sunk into his hair, his eye slid closed and he found himself relaxing enough to fall asleep for the first time in days. He had no idea what sort of magic the blonde possessed, but she was able to get anyone to sleep once she was lying down with them. She was so good at helping people relax, and really, the first time Erik had laid like this with her, he'd fully understood just why Macbeth's insomnia had been no match for Lucy.

"Sweet dreams, Cobra," Lucy whispered. Her thin brows drew together when she heard his response.

"Sweet dreams… Bixy."

It had been six weeks in total since Erik had told Bickslow the truth about what he'd done. Six weeks, and Bickslow had hardly left their apartment. And in that time, between getting his assignments done and trying to remember to eat, he'd been stuck on what to do about Erik.

He didn't know where they stood, or if they could even stand in the first place. Bickslow just couldn't place the two images he had of his boyfriend together anymore; the man he knew and loved, and a cold-blooded killer that smiled at the thought of what he'd done. And every time he tried to imagine getting in touch with Erik, simply calling him to try and talk things out, Bickslow found he just couldn't do it.

Loud pounding sounded on the front door, and Bickslow tried to ignore it. Really, he did. He even put on his headphones and turned up the volume of the movie he'd been trying to watch. And still, he could hear the banging on the door.

After ten minutes had gone by, he groaned and stormed over to the stupid thing and peered through the peephole to find the back of someone's head. Covered in blonde hair. With a roll of his eyes, he unlocked the deadbolt and opened it.

"Erik, wait!" Lucy shouted.

Bickslow stumbled back into the wall as the door was slammed open, with his boyfriend shouldering past him and dashing into the apartment. "What the fuck?" Lucy rushed in and followed Erik, ignoring him for the time being.

"Erik, it's okay! They're not coming!"

"I gotta find it," Erik muttered as he crouched down on the floor in the living room. "I put it in here because they'd never get to it. Not here. They don't know it's here."

Bickslow quietly closed and locked the door, his brow furrowing as he took in the sight of Erik rummaging through the shelves of their entertainment center, tossing DVDs and a few books to the floor. Lucy crouched down at Erik's side, trying in vain to pull him away when he started in on the bookshelf in the corner.

"Erik, you need your medicine," Lucy said softly. "That's why we came over, remember?"

"It's poison," he spat, shifting away from her and letting out a triumphant laugh as his hand closed over the book. "But this isn't."

Bickslow watched with keen eyes as Erik moved until he was curled up in the corner with a large bound book in his hands. The cover was thrown open, and that was when he realized just what it was. The scrapbook Lucy had made for them just the year before, filled with pictures of him and Erik, and all their friends.

"Erik," Lucy said gently as she watched him flipping through the pages littered with pictures of himself and Bickslow. "Let's go get your pills, and then you can look at the pictures, okay? Where are they at?"

"Huh?" Erik muttered, frowning down at the page.

"Your pills," Lucy said again. "You haven't been taking them."

And that was when Bickslow realized just what was going on with his boyfriend. He'd never seen Erik like this before. The guy was adamant about staying on top of his medication. Lucy and Macbeth had told him what to look out for, but Bickslow had kind of thought they were just joking around about it. Some of the shit they'd said - like how Erik might be laughing hysterically at something only he could hear, or that he would start mumbling incoherently and think everyone understood what he was saying - had been too farfetched for Bickslow to believe it. Because, before seeing it firsthand, he just couldn't picture his boyfriend acting like... well, like he was crazy.

But he was seeing it right then, just how different the man was if he wasn't medicated. And it really was starting to freak Bickslow right the hell out. This wasn't his Erik, not in the slightest, but he couldn't just walk out on the guy when he needed help.

"I can go get them," Bickslow finally said, drawing Lucy's and Erik's attention in an instant.

Erik scowled and closed his eye, bringing a hand to his head. "Lucy, it's getting worse. I'm seeing shit."

"You're not," she whispered, sending Bickslow a quick nod. "Erik, we're at your apartment now. That's really Bickslow."

Bickslow rushed down the hallway and into the bathroom, pulling the pill box from the medicine cabinet. He didn't know which ones were which, but it was easier to bring the whole thing instead of the five fucking bottles of prescriptions his boyfriend had. As he came back to the living room, he paused when he heard what Erik was saying to Lucy.

"H-He's not real," Erik whimpered. "It was all fake, wasn't it? I-I just made him up, heard him, saw him… Lucy, he's not real…"

"Bickslow is real," Lucy frowned. She leaned forward slightly and pulled the scrapbook from Erik's lap, wrapping an arm around his shaking shoulders. "I promise you, he's real."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better. I m-made him up. Just one big hallucination, because... N-No one would want somebody like me..."

"Erik, that's just not true," Lucy sighed.

"Someone like him wouldn't love me. I'm not good enough for that. They broke me. It's fake... I know it's fake. I'm all alone, aren't I?"

"Even if Bickslow wasn't real," Lucy whispered tenderly. "Nobody 'broke' you. Everything is gonna be alright after you take your pills. But, Erik, Bickslow is real. He's getting your pills right now, and then you can start feeling better again, okay?"

"But he h-hates me… He's scared of me n-now."

"I'm sure he doesn't hate you."

Bickslow bit his lip and slowly moved to kneel in front of Cobra, keeping a good bit of distance between them so he wouldn't feel crowded. He already knew that his boyfriend couldn't stand being crowded when his anxiety was too high. "Erik?"

Erik shook his head, pulling his knees in closer. "I don't hear you," he whispered to himself. "I don't hear you…"

"Coby…"

"No," Erik whimpered. "You're not real."

Slowly, Bickslow moved closer, then finally reached out and laid his hand over Erik's where it was pressed to his head. "Baby, look at me. I'm real. Hallucinations can't touch you, can they?"

Erik's eye shot open at the soft, tender brush of Bickslow's thumb over his lips. "B-Bix?"

"It's me," he nodded, smiling gently. "Why don't you-" He paused when Lucy's hand stopped him from lifting the pill container. Giving the blonde a curious glance, he saw the hard look in her eyes and the short shake of her head. 'Okay, not the time for his pills, then?' He thought that was what this was all about, getting Erik to take his medication.

"What?" Erik asked.

"Why don't you come here, okay?" Bickslow amended. "C'mon, let Bixy hold you." He'd never seen his lover move so fast in all their time together. Between one second and the next, Erik was uncurling from the corner and lunging forward to be wrapped in his arms.

"You won't let them take me away, right?" Erik sniffled. "I-I don't wanna go back to the basement."

"He's been having flashbacks," Lucy whispered at seeing the confusion in Bickslow's eyes. "We've been trying to call, y'know."

"My phone's been off," Bickslow said softly. He hadn't even been checking his emails, unless they were school related.

"Well, Erik left his pills here," she sighed. "He's been like this for a week now, and the only way to get him to leave Macbeth's apartment at all was to tell him we were coming here."

"Coby, what happened?" Bickslow whispered down into the head of maroon hair on his chest. He blinked in surprise when Erik simply held on tighter.

"Bix won't let me go to the ropes and cold," he whispered. "He won't… Can't find me if I'm wrapped in a blanket, though…" He paused when he felt warm lips pressing against the top of his head, his eye closing and a deep frown turning down his lips. After several deep breaths, with the beating of a heart so close to his pointed ear, Erik slowly said, "I need... pills..."

"Which one?" Bickslow asked softly.

"Anxiety. The orange one. And… The little green one that has a GG on it."

Bickslow opened the pill box, then handed it to Lucy to find the ones Erik needed. Within seconds, the pills were in Bickslow's hand and he was carefully bringing them to his boyfriend's lips. "Need water?"

Erik quickly shook his head while swallowing the pills. He was used to this, after all. He just had to slow down again, to figure out which words to put together so it made sense to everyone else. 'I hate this... I hate this so much... I just wanna be normal.'

"What's the green one?" Bickslow whispered.

"You don't know what pills Erik takes?" Lucy frowned.

"I never told him," Erik replied. "The green one's an antipsychotic. It won't work right away, but I need to start back up on it. That's what the anxiety one is for."

Lucy sighed and looked at the couple in front of her. First Erik, who was trying so hard to hold himself together while Bickslow sorted everything out, and clearly failing. Then Bickslow, who looked like he hadn't shaved in a month. It seemed neither of them were dealing with things very well without each other. She was at a loss for what to do, considering the blonde hadn't planned on Erik ending up in Bickslow's arms, but by then maybe that's what really needed to happen.

"Coby," Bickslow whispered.

"Hm?"

"We need to talk some things out."

Erik nodded slowly. "Can it wait? Now's really not a good time. Meds need to kick in so the salad stops."

"Salad?" Bickslow frowned.

"Word salad," Lucy answered when Erik let out a slow, soothing breath. "Schizophrenics can sometimes get their words all jumbled up. It makes sense to him, what he's talking about, because it is connected somehow, but to everyone else it's just mumbo-jumbo."

"Usually stops if I've got the orange," Erik whispered. "I mean... orange pill... Anxiety..."

"Oh. Well yeah... We can talk later, but… Will you…" Bickslow sighed and glanced at Lucy before looking down at Erik again. "Will you at least come home?"

"I don't really have a-"

"Erik," Bickslow frowned. "Please, come home. We'll talk when it's a good time, but for now just… I miss you."

He hadn't meant to say that, but there was no taking it back. Technically, he did miss Erik. But Bickslow didn't need the guy getting the wrong idea. They needed to talk, and Bickslow still needed to figure out whether or not they were going to stay together. He could definitely tell that now wasn't a good time for them to hash all that out though, because it could end up with Bickslow talking and Erik unable to actually articulate a response.

And that just made him uncomfortable. Because the Erik he knew and fell in love with was always articulate. He was smart and funny and confident. Not like this.

Lucy smiled when Erik's eye opened to look at her, and she gave him an encouraging nod. He was still welcome to stay with Macbeth, but they all knew he wanted to be here more than anywhere else.

"I-I can come back home?" Erik whispered.

"You never had to leave in the first place," Bickslow answered instantly. It had been quite the shock for him to come home from class to find the note left on the table. The apartment just felt empty without his one-eyed bundle of sarcasm. The DVR had filled up, because Bickslow couldn't bring himself to watch any of their shows without getting to hear Erik's commentary.

They had the entirety of Fiore's Got Talent to get through. There was no way Bickslow was going to miss out on seeing Erik smiling and left speechless when some little kid belted out the most beautiful fucking aria.

Lucy quietly said her goodbyes, reminding Bickslow and Erik to call her and Macbeth if they needed anything, and that she would do his laundry before bringing his stuff back over.

And for a long while after the blonde was gone, Erik simply stayed curled up in Bickslow's arms. He didn't want to be anywhere else, that was for damn sure.

His eye cut down to the scrapbook that was sitting on the floor, still open and showing a picture of himself and Bickslow cuddling on the couch in their boxers. He remembered when that was taken. They'd been playing a new fighting game, and Bickslow had gotten his ass handed to him the entire night. And still, they were both smiling. Laughing.

Things were easy for them in that picture. Simple. And now everything had been thrown into a fucking blender.

"I didn't want to go," Erik finally whispered when he felt sure that his anxiety pill was working. "I just thought it'd be easier for you, if you didn't have to see me all the time."

"I thought you weren't ready to talk," Bickslow frowned. Did he want to talk it all out? Definitely, but if it needed to get put on hold until Erik was in a better headspace, then that was what they needed to do. The only catch was that he knew they couldn't really do a whole lot of anything until both of them knew just where they stood.

"We need to," Erik sighed. He didn't try to pull away though, because the only thing that was really helping to keep him in the present was having Bickslow right there, holding him. "If we're like this, we can talk. I should be fine like this. Is that… okay?"

"Yeah," he smiled. "It's okay." He shifted and leaned against the wall, with his legs on either side of the maroon-haired man in his arms. "But, I don't know. I mean, it was really lonely without you here."

Erik nodded in silence. There really wasn't a whole lot that he could say, no matter how much he wanted to just beg Bickslow for the chance to prove that he was the same person as before. It fell to his boyfriend to make that choice. Whether or not he trusted Erik, whether he felt safe enough to continue their relationship. And now that the guy had seen him like this - something that Erik had really never wanted Bickslow to see in the first place - he was even less hopeful that they would be staying together.

"How were things over at Macbeth's?" Bickslow asked softly.

Erik shrugged. "Weird. And I felt like an ass for being there when Lucy was visiting. Cock Block Cobra should be my new fucking name."

"Nah," Bickslow smirked. "I doubt they were thinking about that."

"Maybe…"

The two fell into an awkward silence for several long minutes, with Erik simply waiting to see where they were at, and Bickslow unsure of what he should do, or say. And partly waiting for Erik to throw something out there for him to respond to.

"Are we…" Erik closed his eye and sighed. "Are we still…"

"I don't know," Bickslow answered.

"I don't wanna lose you, Bix. I'm so scared you're gonna disappear."

"I don't want to lose you either, Erik," he frowned. "But, I just… That's some seriously dark shit you did. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that."

"Lucy said I should have told you about it before. When that Laxus thing was going on…"

Bickslow remembered that day extremely well. When he'd been forced to choose between his best friend of nearly five years, and his boyfriend of a year. It hadn't been an easy choice then, and there were times that he wondered if it was a sign that things were only going to get more difficult for the two of them, but he'd chosen Erik in the end.

And he'd done that because he was in love. Even when he'd gone to talk to Laxus to tell him what was going on, Bickslow had been adamant about staying with Erik.

*.*

"Laxus, we gotta talk, man."

"What's up?"

"Well… You know how I'm dating Erik now…"

Laxus scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I know," he said flatly.

"And I know you've got some shit between you."

"That little fucker broke my fucking nose," Laxus spat. "He was trying to kill me."

"I get that," Bickslow nodded. "And I don't know all the details about what happened, so I'm not taking sides. That's between the two of you. But, the thing is… Erik doesn't like that I'm hanging out with you."

"So? Go tell that psychotic shitbox to go fuck himself."

"Laxus," Bickslow scowled. "Don't talk about my boyfriend that way."

"I still can't believe you're even dating the guy in the first place. I mean, you were straight as an arrow before he came around."

"You don't have a problem with Freed being gay."

"And I don't care if you wanna fuck dudes either," Laxus shrugged. "It's just… Him… I don't get it."

"I love him."

"Even though he's insane?"

"He's not insane."

"Bix, the guy's been baker acted three times. That's fucking insane. And his friends aren't much better. Macbeth's a narcoleptic diva, and Blondie… Don't even get me started on her."

"I don't get why you hate them so much," Bickslow said, his brows drawing together. "What did they ever do to you? I mean, Macbeth's actually really funny when he's awake - which, he's just a night owl. And Lucy's, like, the sweetest person ever."

"You do realize all three of them got sent to that orphanage because it's run by psychologists, right?" Laxus asked. "Bix, they're insane. Hell, they never got adopted, because they're all batshit crazy."

"Laxus-"

"No, you've been screwing around with that kid for a year, but I bet you don't know a damn thing about him," Laxus said, his lip curling in disgust. "It's better if you get out now, before he drags you into his crazy little delusions. I mean, come on-"

"Laxus!" Bickslow shouted. "Shut the hell up about Erik!"

"Why should I?"

"Because he's my fucking boyfriend, and I love him, okay?"

"And I bet he gave you a damn ultimatum. 'Laxus or me,' right?" Laxus sneered. "Because the schizo wants you all to himself!"

Bickslow sighed and stood up from his friend's couch, setting the beer he'd hardly touched on the coffee table. "He did give me an ultimatum. And I hated it until I got here and started talking to you."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"It means, I'm choosing Erik. I'm not gonna listen to you or anyone else talk shit about him. I know he had it rough growing up, and when he wants to talk to me about that, he will. But, I'm never going to judge who he is now based on what happened to him before. Or the things he did before."

"What if he killed someone?" Laxus asked, coming to his feet and crossing his arms over his chest. "Murdered them in cold blood. Would you still be with him?"

Bickslow rolled his eyes at that. "He's not a murderer, Laxus."

"Hypothetically, if he was… Then what?"

"Then, I'd want to know why he did it. And, if there was actually a good reason for it, I'd still stay with him."

"Bix, the crazy's already rubbing off on you."

Bickslow shook his head and turned toward the door. "You don't get it," he sighed. "I love you, Laxus. You're one of my best friends, but my relationship with Erik is more important. I'm choosing him, so… Bye."

"Bix! Wait!"

Bickslow walked out of the apartment, and never looked back.

*.*

"Erik?" Bickslow whispered as he came back to himself.

"Yeah?"

"You murdered him for Lucy, right?"

"I did. He took everything away from her, all because of the shit that made her an orphan to begin with…"

"Would you… ever do something like that again?"

"Only under extremely extenuating circumstances," Erik answered. He wasn't going on any killing sprees. Even though he still dreamt about the night he'd killed Macbeth's dad, and usually woke up with a smile on his face from it, Erik didn't want to kill anyone. "Someone had to stick up for her. And the shit he did to Midnight before… The fucker tried to kill his own son… He never should have gotten out of prison in the first place."

"Let's say something happened to… I don't know… Natsu. Would you?"

"No."

"Then what would have to happen for you to go killing someone?"

Erik sighed and slowly lifted his head to look into Bickslow's eyes. When he saw that same look from before - the one that let him know that his boyfriend was just trying to work through what he was hearing - he whispered, "If someone hurts my family, the ones I love, I won't hold back. I might not kill them, but I'll make them regret ever even thinking about it."

"So, Lucy and Midnight."

"Probably Gajeel, too," he shrugged. "We're pretty close now." He paused and bit his lip. "And you."

"I don't want you to kill anyone for me."

"Bix, let's say you got into an accident. Something really fucked up happened to you. Or… If you died. If someone ever hurt you, I'd lose it," Erik said in earnest. "Because, even if it makes me sound like a damn serial killer, I'd enjoy torturing the one that hurt you. I don't have that many people that love me, that want me to be happy and safe now. You're one of those people, so for me, I have to keep you safe, too. To take care of you."

"Erik…"

"I know, it sounds stupid," he sighed. "I just really love you, Bix. And I really love Lucy. I couldn't let him get away with it, not when I had the means to do something about it. I just have to feel like I'm taking care of you guys, somehow. Even if I'm an asshole all the time, I…"

Bickslow pressed his fingers to Erik's lips, silencing him in an instant. "I get that," he finally whispered. "So, why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because it wasn't my secret to tell," Erik answered. "I only did that because of what happened to Lucy, and she doesn't need people knowing that about her. It took her almost a year to even try talking to me about what happened."

"Do you have any other secrets that I don't know about?" Bickslow asked.

"Not including..."

"Nothing before the orphanage," Bickslow nodded. "That's different."

"Then, no. That's the only thing I kept from you…"

Bickslow nodded, his fingers drifting across Erik's cheek to lightly toy with one of his earrings. He watched the smaller man pick up his pill box after looking at the clock, then emptied the rest of the pills for that day into his hand. He took them one by one, and Bickslow simply waited. He'd never seen Erik doing this before, even though they'd been living together for several months already. It was just something that Bickslow knew he did, and that it was helping him.

He knew that even better now than he had before.

"I hate people watching me take pills," Erik said after gulping down the last one. He had to fight the compulsion to open his mouth and show Bickslow that he'd actually swallowed it. Being locked up in an institution a few times had made sure he learned that, and it had taken months for Lucy and Macbeth to break the habit after he was released every time.

"Oh. Sorry…"

"That's why I don't talk about them with you. I just want to be more normal."

"Erik," Bickslow sighed, shaking his head. "There's nothing wrong with it. So you have a couple issues that you're managing. Everyone's fucked in the head, in some way."

"Even you?"

And that was when Bickslow found himself smiling. "Even me."

He knew there was no turning away from Erik. Bicklsow was already too far in love with the guy to ever really let him go. They'd spent their time apart, Bickslow had considered everything he could, and all that was left was forcing himself to move past it. That shit was in the past, from before they had even met. It was a one-time thing, and he knew that now. And now he had a much better understanding of the man that had captured his heart. He'd seen many of Erik's lows, especially in the middle of the night when he had a nightmare, but now he'd seen something more. How real his boyfriend's struggle was with mental illness. And it made Bickslow all the more determined to stick it out with him.

Erik gasped as Bickslow's arms shot around his waist, pulling him flush against that broad, muscular chest. "What…"

"Because, I've gotta be crazy."

"Why's that?" Erik moaned when their lips met in a slow, passionate caress. "B-Bix?"

"We're good, baby," Bickslow whispered against his lips. "I feel like I'm losing my mind without you, but…"

"You think you're just as crazy for staying with me?" Erik chuckled.

"Exactly."

A long, low groan left him when Bickslow's tongue teased his lips into parting. And even though Erik wanted nothing more than to keep going, and to have his boyfriend carry him into the room and lay him out on their bed, they needed to stop. "Bixy, wait."

"Mm-mm," he mumbled.

"Can't do this," Erik laughed. "Not yet."

Bickslow drew back, grinning as their noses brushed together. "How come," he whispered.

"Because I just took my meds. I can talk and focus a little more, but... Just give me until tomorrow?" He bit his lip as Bickslow's smile faded slightly. "I want to," Erik sighed. "But it's just... too soon after being like that. I should be fine by tomorrow, though."

"Tomorrow it is, then," Bickslow nodded, his eyes softening with understanding. There were plenty of times where they'd needed to put the physical side of their relationship on hold for Erik's sake, and not once had he had an issue with it. Erik hated it, but Bickslow understood, to a point. Instead, he gently grabbed Erik's hand, lacing their fingers together and bringing his lover's knuckles to his lips. "I think I like being a little crazy, baby. With a prescription like you, I love it."

"You're fucking retarded," Erik laughed.

"Nope, I only fuck geniuses," Bickslow said, laughing right along with his tanned lover. "But, if you wanna see some retards, the box is full of our 'stories'."

"Oh god," Erik groaned playfully. "Talent shows, here we come." And even though things weren't completely fixed between the two, Erik felt like they were well on their way to being happy again. It would take some time, and he was sure things would be a little rocky - because he knew that Bickslow wasn't just going to accept everything so easily - but they'd manage.

So, the two slowly got up from the floor, not even bothering to clean up the mess Erik had made while searching for the scrapbook, and found themselves cuddled up together on the couch, wrapped in a king-sized, fuzzy, fleece blanket they'd gotten as a gift from Macbeth (who was, rightfully so, the master of blanket-choosing). The television was turned on, the show set to play, and Erik and Bickslow just let themselves enjoy being together again.

I'm still taking requests for this story. I have a lot more of them to get through!

Review, Follow, Favorite! I love you, guys!

~~GemNika