Frozen Over

Salazar Slytherin has had enough.

"I won't stand for it," he says, pounding his fist against the table and shooting a glare at the man across from him. "I'm absolutely putting my foot down."

Godric rolls his eyes. "Sal, be reasonable."

"No, Godric, you be reasonable. As a founder of this school, I have an equal say—"

"As have I!"

"—and I'm saying no."

"Salazar," Helga cuts in gently, "don't you think you're being a bit irrational about all this?"

"No." Salazar is breathing heavily. "Frankly, I don't think I'm being irrational at all. And I can't believe you lot are taking his side. Well, I can believe it from you, Helga, but Rowena? You're supposed to be smarter than this."

Rowena arches one dark eyebrow. "Careful, Sal."

"Honestly, Salazar, I don't understand your prejudice," Godric says, tilting back slightly in his chair.

Sal shakes his head. "Prejudice has nothing to do with it."

Godric snorts and lets his chair hit the ground. "Is that so? Because it seems as if you have a problem with an entire race of people."

"Race?" Salazar repeats. "What race have I offended?"

"Giant squids."

Salazar closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Giant squids are a species, dolt. A dangerous species, I might add. And I will not put the lives of our students in danger by allowing you to keep one in the lake as a bloody pet."

Godric heaves a sigh. "But they're cute."

Salazar actually laughs. "Nothing about a giant squid is cute."

"Oh, I dunno." Helga twirls her wand thoughtfully. "They've got all those tentacles waving about, like they're saying hello. It's sort of nice."

Salazar looks at Helga as if she's grown a second head. "Those tentacles are strong enough to crush a man into dust. Squids drown people. They fly out of bodies of water and slap into people hard enough to break their backs. They are responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people per year. There's a reason wizards have been trying to hunt them into extinction. They are a hazard."

"Oh, but our giant squid would never do that. We'd train him to be gentle."

Salazar throws his hands in the air. "You can't train a wild animal."

"Obviously," Godric says, and he's grinning. "But it won't be wild. It'll be my pet. What aren't you understanding?"

"Godric Gryffindor, so help me, if you try to bring that thing into my school, I will import a giant dangerous creature of my own and set it loose upon you."

"So dramatic." Helga shakes her head. "Can't we play nicely, boys?"

Rowena is smirking. "I think it's time to vote. All in favor of Godric owning a pet squid?"

Three hands go up. Salazar groans and lets his forehead fall against the table.

"All opposed?"

He doesn't bother to raise his hand.

"Good." Rowena pulls out her wand and draws a fiery check mark on the list of items they've drawn up for this week's staff meeting. "Next item of business: the ceiling in the Great Hall." She looks around, brow furrowed. "Wait, I didn't write this. What's wrong with the ceiling?"

"I wrote it," Helga says. Her perpetually cheerful face has grown even brighter at the prospect of owning a giant squid, and Salazar can barely bring himself to raise his head and look at her. "I know we've got it enchanted to reflect the weather outside, but now that it's winter, I'm afraid of the students catching cold when it snows."

"That's another problem," Salazar says. "It's winter. Where are you going to keep the bloody squid while the lake is frozen?"

Godric shrugs. "Prefect's bathroom?"

Salazar's jaw actually drops. "Do you have any idea how big a giant squid is?"

"I'm getting a baby one. He'll start off small."

"We've moved on from the squid, Sal," Rowena says, waving a hand at the list, but Salazar ignores her.

"Even the infants are twelve feet long, Godric."

"You sure know a lot about giant squids for someone who hates them," Godric says.

"You sure know nothing about giant squids for someone who wants to adopt one and make it call you Daddy!"

Godric's face lights up. "They talk?"

"No, they don't talk, and you're just proving my point."

"Gentlemen." Rowena gestures at her list again, tone dark. "We have already voted. Can we move on?"

"Right, right. Sorry, Rena." Godric looks up at the list. "Catching cold when it snows in the Great Hall. Can we just charm the snow to melt before it hits the ground?"

Helga gasps. "And get the poor students wet all the time?"

"If it's wet in the Great Hall all the time, my squid could live there."

"Godric."

"Sorry, Rowena."

"No, wait, Godric actually made me think of something else." Helga chews her lip. "How are we going to feed a giant squid?"

Salazar grips the edge of the table. "Exactly. The house elves have enough on their plates without cooking for a fish."

"The mermaids could prepare food for it," Godric says.

"It would probably eat the mermaids. It's just more trouble than it's worth." Salazar looks out the window of the staff room at the Black Lake. "Better to leave it—what the hell is that?" He points to the lake, where a long tentacle has protruded and is spinning in lazy circles over the surface.

Godric peers out the window. "Oh, that's my giant squid."

"You—you already have it?"

Godric nods. "This voting is just a formality. The squid's been here since Monday."

Salazar opens his mouth, and then closes it again.

"So . . . moving on, then," Rowena says, looking at Salazar for confirmation.

"Re-vote," Sal splutters.

"Excuse me?"

"I want a re-vote. You lot went behind my back."

She shakes her head. "Re-vote denied. Now, about the Great Hall—"

"What do you mean, denied?"

"The list is magically binding. Whatever vote comes out on top the first time is the one we have to choose."

"Since when?"

"Since the last staff meeting, when you two had six different re-votes over keeping Divination in the curriculum!"

Salazar frowns and pushes a hand through his dark hair. "I still say we take that out."

Godric shakes his head furiously. "If we take it out, we have no way of knowing the future."

"The whole subject is a ruddy hoax anyway. We have no idea what the future holds, and every teacher we've interviewed has been rubbish."

"Anyway," Rowena says as Godric opens his mouth to argue. "I made the list magically binding this time. Godric, you're keeping your giant squid. Now, can we please move on?"

Godric's mouth curves into a wide smile. "I'll name him after you, Sal," he says with a wink.

Salazar sighs. "When the lake freezes over and it dies, don't come looking for me to help you remove the carcass."

"Oh, Squid Salazar won't die from a little ice," Godric says confidently.

"How do you know? You're an idiot about giant squids. You thought they could talk a moment ago."

"Because when I say he's been here since Monday, I mean he's been here since the first Monday in November." Godric grins at Salazar's look of confusion. "That's two months."

"Two—?"

"I'm surprised you didn't notice him before now, actually. You must not get out very often."

"Gryffindor!"

"The lake's frozen over a few times since he's been here, and it hasn't really affected him. If anything, it's made him happier."

Salazar looks outside again, where the tentacle has been joined by several more. "You," he says helplessly, and then trails off.

Godric is still grinning. "The cold's never bothered him anyway."

Salazar walks out of the staff meeting.

Quidditch League Round 11: Top of the Pops

Holyhead Harpies, Seeker

Prompt: Any line from "Let It Go" by Idina Menzel ("The cold never bothered me anyway")

Word Count: 1,295