I have decided to carry on Alice's adventures as she is just far too much of a fun character not to use again. However I will be taking a break from her to recharge my insanity batteries. This is kind of a bonus epilogue as I'm going to use it to set up the next chapter of Alice's journey.

Now I am expecting a bit of hate mail here from any hardcore royalists among you for the first scene but I find that I just can't help myself. Now our lovely Queen turned ninety this year and has lived a life of, yes alright obscene luxury, but also dull service and dedication to her country. I've decided to give an insight into how I wish her life could have been were she as morally twisted as Alice.

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, they have become my new addiction.

Dylan the Rabbit. xx

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BLACK MADNESS

CHAPTER 29. EPILOGUE.

Private Family Reception Room, Windsor Castle. 21st June 1999. 11.00 a.m

Tea duty. Hestia Jones thought that most people imagined the frequent tea parties held between the Black Queen of wizarding Britain and her muggle equivalent were unutterably dull and dreary affairs. They would never believe just how wrong they were. This was one of the most fun and entertaining assignments that she and her partner Emmeline Vance had as Alice Black's honour guards. The two aristocratic women were actually incredibly alike in private and these get togethers could become more than a little raucous in nature.

It was quite a strange dynamic that existed between Queen Alice Black and Queen Ellizabeth the second. At first their relationship had been all business. The muggle sovereign had helped clean up Alice's less than stellar criminal record in her world and in return Alice had helped out with a particularly vicious gang of people traffickers who had been targeting the aristocracy. As time went on, however, they found themselves enjoying each other's company and revelling in chance to act like two normal people just having a nice time. Elizabeth hadn't had this much fun since the war when she had got to play with all those lovely, lonely WAAF girls. If people thought that the GIs gave out good presents for sexual favours they would have been horrified to know the things she had given away for a night of lust. There were still a couple of paste copies of some of the smaller of the nations Crown jewells tucked away in the Tower of London somewhere.

The Black Queen Alicia Morgana Black, or Alice, as she liked to be called was an utter delight and a real breath of fresh air and they had become firm friends, despite the age gap. Elizabeth felt like just another girl again around the insane, irreverent and disrespectful young lunatic and she was prepared to love and protect her fellow Queen just for that reason alone. Also she had the best stories.

Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor, Queen of the United Kingdom, Canada, Australia and New Zealand, and Head of the Commonwealth was giggling and snorting at the highly scandalous but highly amusing story that she was relating to her guest. She knew that she shouldn't but this stunningly beautiful, raven haired young woman with the strange eyes and the interesting dress sense was just too amusing. Elizabeth would swear that the girl made a game out of trying to elicit such an indiscretion from her. Just as she seemed to do every time they met. Which was quite often. Although she thought that Alice's tales of her own multifarious indiscretions were far more outrageous than hers.

"Lizzie, you didn't."

"I most certainly did. Seeing him coming out of the ocean all wet and glistening in those tight, tight shorts was just too much of a temptation. I wanted him so I damned well had him. I am the Queen you know, Alice."

"And?"

"Fab-u-lous. Hung like a bloody horse, I was sore for days afterwards."

"Did he ask you to 'Shuck his co-ock your majeshty'."

"Why yesh. I believe he did ma'am."

The Rulers of magical and mundane Britain hooted and cackled at each other's piss poor (or should that be pish poor) impersonations of a young Sean Connery. Who the surprisingly dirty Lizzie had apparently fucked six ways to Sunday in Jamaica one memorable summer in 1962. Their respective bodyguards tried not to wince or smirk at the pair as they wiped at the tears that their hilarity had caused.

"Oh Lizzie, I do so enjoy our little get togethers. Even if you are an old pervert."

"Ah yes, I'm rather fond of them myself Alice. By the way, how is dear Harriet."

Alice choked slightly on her tea. The older woman had such a subtly, wickedly and dangerously polite way of pointing out her hypocrisy. When the subject of perversion was on the table, Alice would always lose the argument. Message recieved and understood, loud and clear.

There was a small pop as her new Chief house elf appeared and a scramble of activity resulting in two wands and two firearms being pointed at the rather stupid looking bat eared individual. Kreacher had finally shuffled off his mortal coil three months ago at the grand old age of two hundred and ten and had requested that his protege, Dopey, be given the honour of succeeding him. It was at this point that everybody had realised that the old elf was just as insane as his beloved mistress. The fact that Alice accepted this bequeathed appointment without even the merest hint of a pause surprised nobody. They all knew she was nuts.

"Sorry to interrupt, your Blackness."

"Hello Dopey dear, you know you really should stop doing that, it makes them very nervous."

He gazed vacantly at the scowling people holding weapons pointed at his head and nodded his head as if in deep thought. He wasn't of course but Miss Alice always seemed to apreciate it when he at least tried to look slightly more intelligent than a pickled cabbage. She really was the best mistress an elf could wish for. Now. He had come here for a reason. What was it? Laundry? No. Shopping? No. Oh yes.

"Mummy Black's butch missus wants to smash on your breasticles Miss Alice."

She took a moment to decipher the 'Dopey speak'.

"Amelia wants to see me. Do you know why?"

"She didn't say your Blackness, just that she wanted to come on you."

Alice sighed, disappointed that her fun vist with Lizzie would be cut short today for some, doubtless, dull and pointless politcal fidgy widgyness with the moron sheep, monkeys of the Wizangamot. Still if Bonesy couldn't take care of it herself that might mean that some physical persuasion may be required. That thought perked her up a bit.

"Right ho then. Lizzie, I'm sorry to cut this short today but it seems that something has come up that requires my special attention."

"Thats alright Alice dear. Have fun and do try not to kill anyone where any of my lot can see."

"My place next time. Bye Liz."

The magical contingent apparated away leaving the muggle Queen chuckling into her teacup at her friend's total lack of decorum and disregard for the formalities of the Court. That Alice really was bloody good fun.

Ministry of magic, London. 22nd June 1999.

The 'eyes only' report that had crossed the Minister's desk this morning was troubling Amelia Bones to a great extent. It seemed that no-one had seen their ambassador to the magical Unted States of America for nearly a week. She hadn't received the report until now because it wasn't uncommon for the silly old fool to wander off. Normally he would be back in a couple of days with a hangover, possibly a new tattoo and sometimes a muscular young man in tow. This time he had been gone a week and people were starting to get concerned. Albus Dumbledore was missing. And in the worst place possible in the entire contient of America.

"Good afternoon, Minister."

"Good afternoon, your Majesty."

The formalities out of the way the two women got down to business in their more usual style.

"So. What's up Bonesy?"

"There's a problem with Albus."

"For fucks sake. What's the beardy old weirdo done now? He hasn't deflowered another senator's first born son has he?"

"Not this time no. It looks like the old fool's been kidnapped."

The Minister of Magic watched the Black Queen's shoulders sag as she face palmed herself. She was aware that Alice had a bit of a soft spot for the old man, despite the fact that he had tried to kill Harry Potter, or Harriet Potter consort to the Royal House of Black as she now was, but that didn't make him any less of a liability. In fact Albus was not above using his relationship with her to make certain difficulties, that his proclivities for sweet, good looking young men to warm his bed, made disappear with the mere mention of her name. This time, however, the old man had gotten in over his head. He was probably relying on Alice to come swooping in and save the day like some sort of magical superhero. Unfortunately this time even the dreaded Black Queen might struggle. This time even she might be in over her head due to where he was when he was abducted.

The daft old bugger had got himself kidnapped in the underworld stronghold and armpit of America. The one and only Gotham City.

The Throne Room, Black Manor, Suffolk. 24th June 1999.

The two imposing, gilded chairs had been placed specifically to cause anyone that approached in supplication or official business to gaze up at their occupants in the awe and respect that they commanded. Alice and Ginevra Black, Queens of their world surveyed the gathering of family and friends. Their unofficial war council. This included about half of the old SHAGS club members and the entire Black family. Including her new step mum. Amelia had finally made in honest woman out of Bellatrix last month. Well okay she had married her and Bella didn't fuck around quite so much now.

Surprisingly it was Alice's Aunt Narcissa, wo hadnever been out of the country before two years ago, that had the most detailed information about their target destination.

"You've been to Gotham?"

"Yes, Selly and I visited right after my ... transformation."

Cissy looked guiltily at her elder sister Andromeda, who was simply glaring at her. The subject of her turning had caused a rather large argument between the two and even after almost two years it seemed that she wasn't quite forgiven yet.

"So I take it that you and Selene going there to retrieve grandpa whiskers is not going to be an option."

"Ummm. We did make rather a mess so. No, probably not."

Alice smirked and winked at her blonde haired Aunt to show that she didn't really care while reaching down to scoop up the nearly two year old tearaway that had just come running into her throne room and collided with her leg. She held the little girl in her lap and the two regarded each other seriously before, to the child's delight, Alice cocked her head and grinned her most insane grin.

"Bap Bap."

"Well hello my little Lolly. Have you come to give us your wisdom and advice?"

Lola Tonks-Black grinned back at her mad Auntie Alice and said the only word currently in her vocabulary.

"Bap."

"Really little one. Do you think so?"

"Bap."

"Well alright then, I'll tell them, but they're not going to be happy about it, you know."

An out of breath Penelope Clearwater arrived in the large space in time to see her and Nym's unplanned but adored daughter chatting and giggling with Alice on her throne and smiled. Lolly always ran to find the Black Queen when she had done something bad, almost as if she knew that Alice would be far more likely to praise her for bad behaviour than to scold her for it. Watching the two 'conversing' now she thought how lucky she was to be a part of this amazing family. Alice's next statement wiped that smile right off her face. Along with almost everyone else's.

"My advisor and I have decided that I shall be the one who goes to get 'Albers the perv' out of whatever trouble that he's managed to find himself in." She leaned down to her 'niece' and asked conspiratorially. "That's right isn't it?"

"Bap."

"Quite so. There you have it."

Hermione Lovegood decided that it was time to put her oar into Alice's troubled waters, so to speak, and cleared her throat loudly. All argument, all protestation, all noise ceased instantly. The, considerably less bushy haired than she had onc been, scarilly intelligent young witch was possibly the only person in the country who could manage to challenge a decision once Queen Alice had made it. She gave her old friend 'the look'.

"Alicia Morgana Black, you are this country's Queen. You have responsibilities, you cannot simply go swanning off to America on half arsed rescue missions for old men who should know better."

The raven haired sovereign blinked her suddenly large, tearful, eyes and gave a pout, knowing exactly how cute it was and exactly how much it affected Hermione.

"But Mia, it's just a holiday. I haven't had any time off in ages and I' m sooooo tired. You wouldn't deny me a holiday would you?"

Hermione, the strong willed lieutenant of the Black Tank Corps, buckled before Alice's onslaught of cuteness. Damn the woman she always bloody did this.

"Well I suppose if it was a holiday it wouldn't be too bad."

"Exactly Mia, and it's not like I'll be going alone."

Fuck. She closed her eyes and shook her head, sighing.

"Let me guess. I'm coming too."

Alice and her small, cuddly companion giggled together as she nodded her agreement. She flicked her eyes to her wife to silently ask if it was okay and receiving a small smile from the ginger beauty to signal that, yes, she was okay with it, Alice began to make her plans. She, Mia, Hestia and Emmeline were going on trip to rescue a strange old man from the criminal element of Gotham City and woe betide anyone who got in their way. It was a bit of a relief really. Things were alltogether too quiet in magical Britain right now and she hadn't gotten to kill anybody in simply months. She was frustrated.

"Dopey dear, be a love and polish up my axe, would you. We're going on holday."

And the streets of Gotham would run red with the blood of her enemies.

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So it's going to be a couple of months before we get going on the sequel but I thought you'd enjoy a little teaser for it. I hope you guys are looking forward to it as much as I am.

Thanks for the reviews, I love you all.

As before, I'm always happy to discuss my work, help out other writers, take writing prompts or just chat. I also want to write some more one shots so if you have any ideas or want to see something written just visit my profile page and hit the PM button. I am availlable for beta work if anyone is struggling.

Dylan the Rabbit. xx