Rated for Jason's mouth. And I guess spoilers for the Minion movie? xD
"I'm not going, Dickhead!" Jason snapped irritably, forcefully shoving away the hand that was tugging at his arm.
"C'mon, Little Wing!" Dick complained. "It's just a movie! It'll take about two hours, tops."
"No."
"Tim and Dami are coming too! You know we need some bonding time, and you aren't doing anything right now," the ebony-haired boy pleaded, boring into his younger brother's eyes with his own crystalline orbs.
"Yea, sure! Why not? Put the Replacement and the demon spawn in the same room as me for over an hour," Jason drawled dryly. "Great fucking idea!"
"I really didn't want to do this, Jaybird, but desperate times are calling," Dick sighed almost sadly, shaking his head.
"The hell are you-"
"If you don't come to the movies with us, I'll tell Alfred that you were the one who destroyed his garden," the older male said seriously, his lips set in a grim line.
"Wha- That was an accident!" Jason spluttered.
"Tell that to Alfie," Dick replied with a positively evil smirk.
"…What are we watching?"
Victory.
Gotham Movies
"Why must the imbecile accompany us?" Damian demanded, scowling.
"Because, Dami, this is brother bonding day!" Dick declared with a giant grin, his eyes shining.
"But Todd is not our brother," Damian responded simply.
"Yeah, I'm really feeling the love here," Jason said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
"Be good," Dick half-heartedly muttered to the ten year old assassin.
"Better listen to Dickie," Jason smirked, ruffling Damian's hair. His younger brother harshly smacked his hand away.
"I'ma go get the tickets!" Dick grinned excitedly. "You guys will love this movie!" The oldest of the group left and walked over to the ticket stand.
"Who let Dick choose the movie?" Tim groaned as soon as he was gone, shifting his bag over his shoulder.
"It was Grayson's idiotic idea to come here, therefore he got to choose," Damian shrugged.
"Did- did you bring your laptop?" Jason questioned suddenly, poking at Tim's bag.
"Yea," Tim nodded, smiling almost sheepishly. "I told Dick that I had too much work to do, but you know him. So I brought my work with me." He shrugged lightly, subconsciously grabbing the leather strap covering his shoulder.
"-tt-" Damian scoffed, rolling his eyes. "If you're intentions are to use your computer inside the theatre, than that is just plain idiotic."
Tim sent a scathing glare at the younger boy, asking him, "Do you even know what we're watching? Because if you did, you would understand, demon spawn."
"Wait, you know what we're watching? I asked him! Golden Boy just gave me this stupid grin that made me want to slap him."
"…" Tim was silent for a moment, but then he let out a snort and gave his two brothers an amused look. "I would feel bad for you, but I really don't."
"What the hell are we watching?!"
"It's-" the younger started to reveal the important piece of information, Jason giving him an intent look while Damian crossed his arms disinterestedly.
"I got the tickets!" Dick called cheerfully, interrupting the teenager as he eagerly waved the tickets in the air with one hand, and slung his other one around Jason's shoulder.
"…I will shoot you."
"Give me the damn ticket stub!" Jason snapped, reaching out to snatch the small slip of paper from the older male. Dick dodged his hand like the little fairy that Jason swore he was, holding it in the air with two fingers.
"No way, Jaybird!" he sung, waving it at him teasingly. "You'll just have to be patient!"
"Very very patient…" Tim muttered quietly.
Damian scowled at the world as he easily managed to hold two large buckets of popcorn and a small, cardboard drink tray. How the small assassin got stuck holding everything was beyond him, but the other imbeciles would no doubt be foolish enough to drop it.
Jason was grabbing at the ticket stubs in Dick's hand, trying in vain to relinquish them from the Romanian's presence. The ebony-haired male raised an eyebrow, flipping away from his brother when he came particularly close to grabbing one.
"Chill, Jaybird. You'll find out what we're watching when we go inside the theatre!"
"Then why the hell aren't we going?"
"…It starts at four thirty…"
"…"
"…"
"Dick…"
"…yes, Jaybird?"
"It's fucking three o'clock."
"I know! Isn't that great? We get to spend even more time-!" The eldest was interrupted when Jason let out a small battle cry and tackled him to the floor, where they both preceded to wrestle in the most childishly-possible fashion.
"While I do not wish to side with Todd, I am not particularly on Grayson's side," Damian commented in annoyance, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation; a habit that he had quickly picked up from his father.
"I know, Demon," Tim agreed, sitting on the floor. "Not looking so idiotic now, is it?" he muttered dryly as he slid his backpack onto his lap, taking out his computer.
"Drake, nothing that is happening here will make you look like anything less than an imbecile. Only you would do something so foolish."
The oh-so lovable assassin was promptly ignored, and he let out a small huff of annoyance, opting instead to observe his so-called 'brothers'.
…the brothers who were currently being yelled at by security.
A middle-aged man towered over the two on the floor, a stern expression on his face as he glared down at them. Dick stood up immediately, giving the security officer an apologetic smile that only Dick Grayson could pull off as charming. Jason lounged back on the floor, a lazy smirk spread across his face.
"I'm sorry, sir," Dick apologized. "My brother and I were just messing around. We didn't mean for it to get so far. You have my sincerest apologies."
Jason let out a snort.
The security guard pursed his lips, but nodded, despite his almost wary expression. He gave Dick another stern glance, saying, "Alright, but don't let it happen again."
"Wouldn't dream of it, sir. Sorry for wasting your time!" The man nodded once more, turning around to leave.
"Yea, you walk away, you mothe-!" Jason called to his back, poorly imitating Dick's voice, but was cut off as said target of imitation kicked him in the gut.
"That was all your fault," Jason said quickly. "And how did the old guy not hear me? That was pretty damn loud."
"He could just feel it in his gut that it wasn't my fabulous voice he was hearing!" Dick almost sang, a cocky grin on his face.
"Fuck off, Golden Boy."
"You are both idiots, and I regret ever being dragged here."
"Aw, we love you too, Dami!" Dick cooed, squishing the ten year-old into a bone-crushing hug.
"Unhand me, Grayson!" Damian snapped, struggling to get out of the tight grip. Dick just held on tighter, about to ruffle the boy's hair, but was unsuccessful as his hand was shoved away. A really unfortunate move, considering a messy-haired Damian will never fail to be adorable.
Dick finally let go of him when he flipped to the side, dodging a sneak attack from Jason.
"You'll never get the ticket stub!" he cackled.
"Damn it!"
One hour later:
"Why the hell did you bring us here so early?" Jason demanded in an almost, and of course manly, whine. "This is why I don't hang out with you freaks."
"Is that the reason, Todd? From where I'm standing-"
"-then that's a pretty short perspective-"
"-it is because of your 'father issues'," Damian finished as if he was never interrupted.
"First of all, brat, the expression's called 'daddy issues-"
"That offending term will never leave my mouth-"
"-and second of all, that ain't why I don't hang out with you annoying ass bi-"
"Language, Jaybird."
"-brats. It's because you're annoying ass brats. Bruce has nothing to do with this." Jason sunk down to the floor, sitting down next to Tim as Damian preceded to throw insults at the white-banged male. He groaned aloud, the back of his head banging against the wall behind him.
"Seriously, Dick, why?"
Twenty Minutes Later:
"Hey, guys! They're letting us in now!" Dick announced, capturing the attention of his bored siblings.
"Finally!" Jason whooped, jumping up from the ground. Tim quietly closed his computer, and Damian gave Dick a look.
"Grayson, only three theaters have been vacated recently, and they are playing the Lazarus Effect, Minions, and… Fifty Shades of Gray…"
"Don't worry, Dami, you're way too young for that-"
"-tt-"
"-so we're watching a movie that I think everyone'll like!" Dick smiled, starting to walk over to the door in the far corner of the hall.
The two raven-haired boys that were following him stopped dead in their tracks. They stared at the hanging, electronic sign, announcing one word in bright, neon lettering.
Minions.
…
…
"I am leaving," Damian announced. Jason seemed torn between facing the wrath of Alfred, and facing the movie that is Minions.
Screw it.
"Bye, Dickhead!" Jason yelled, sprinting away.
"Wha-!" Dick cried, staring after them with a crestfallen expression. Damian gave Dick a cold look before turning as well, starting to walk away in short strides. He was promptly pulled back by his older brother, and Dick threw the ten year old at Tim.
"Go inside with Dami! I'ma go get Jaybird!"
"Unhand me, Drake, or you will no longer be in possession of your fingers!"
"…C'mon, demon," Tim sighed, dragging the flailing boy into the theater.
Damian slumped into his uncomfortable seat with a scowl, tugging at his hand that was tied down to said seat. He rested his cheek on his free hand and let out a huff, easily slipping his hand out of the restraint.
"This could be considered kidnapping, Drake," Damian said offhandedly.
"Shut up and watch," Tim replied absentmindedly, still typing away at his computer. He had put the brightness all the way down, but his face was still illuminated by a soft glow in the darkened room. He was spared a few strange glances from surrounding theater-goers, but was otherwise ignored.
"I am not watching this," Damian said adamantly, crossing his arms.
"Then take a nap."
"I will never allow myself to be exposed like that in public."
"Whatever, Demon-spawn."
"What are you doing, Drake? Stalking fat-girl?"
"Steph isn't fat, and no. I'm writing a report."
"-tt-" Damian clicked his tongue. "You would make such a claim. Brown is both incompetent and overweight."
"Go ahead, Damian. Keep insulting my girlfriend."
Damian started to open his mouth to unleash an insult directed at the blonde, and Tim started to put down his computer, just as two very loud males burst through the door.
"You'll love it!"
"LET GO OF ME, YOU BASTARD!"
"Give the movie a chance!"
"IT'S FOR KIDS!"
"So is the Lion King! And you like that movie!"
"THE LION KIING IS A CLASSIC!"
"I KNOW!"
"SHHH!"
"Sorry!"
"DON'T TELL ME TO 'SHHH', YOU FU-"
"OW, DICKHEAD! THAT FREAKING HURT!"
"Jason, shut up!"
"Screw you."
"SHHH!"
"GAH!"
"Jay, I see Timmy and Dami," Dick whispered, pulling Jason up the stairs.
"And the award for most observant goes to-!" Jason yelled sarcastically.
"Seriously, Jason, shut up."
Jason just rolled his eyes, and they quietly walked down the aisle. Once they reached Tim and Damian, Jason grabbed the large popcorn bucket from his younger brother. He took a big handful, shoving all of it in his mouth at once.
"You are a pig, Todd," Damian sneered in distaste, glaring when Jason plopped down into the seat next to him, putting the ticket stub he finally managed to get onto the seat.
"Yup!" Jason grinned, talking through a mouth full of buttery goodness.
It was another long ten minutes before the movie actually started, and Jason was ready to kill himself.
"Bob reminds me of you, Dami!"
"'Bob' is a child."
"You're a child!"
"I am a not a child."
"But you're both adorable!"
"Stop talking, Grayson."
"Who would drive such filthy creatures all the way to Orlando?"
"I would! Those poor guys look so cute!"
"There mission in life is to serve. That is pathetic."
"You're pathetic."
"Shut up, Todd."
"Why does everyone keep telling me that?"
Tim ignored both his brothers and the movie, continuing to type away at his laptop.
"This lady is a poor excuse for a villain."
"No kidding, Demon."
"This movie is pointless!"
"I know."
"It has a terrible plot."
"No kidding."
"The yellow monstrosities do not even speak English!"
"I need a smoke. I can't take this any longer," Jason complained, sliding back in his seat. On the big screen, Bob had pulled the sword from the rock and was announced King of England. "This is so bad!"
"That isn't even how it works!"
"Shush, guys! It's cute."
"No it isn't, Grayson!"
Tim continued to ignore them, typing on his laptop.
"Okay, I really need a smoke," Jason repeated to himself as a giant Kevin ran around the screen, being chased by hundreds of tiny yellow minions.
"Jay, don't be silly. You can't smoke in here."
"Screw you, Dickhead," Jason growled. "You dragged all of us through this shit, so don't go around telling me what to do now!"
"THIS IS SO IRRELEVENT AND IDIOTIC!" Damian yelled.
The clacking of Tim's fingers against his keyboard was quiet.
Jason reached into his leather jacket pocket, slipping a thin cigarette out of his cardboard box. He lit his lighter and held it up to the end of it.
Damian growled and he lifted his arm into a throwing position, chucking something into the air. Next to him, Tim continued typing, but almost dropped the computer when it started to blare extremely loud music through its speakers.
WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?
RING-DING-DING-DING-DINERINGEDING!
GERING-DING-DING-DING-DINGERINGEDING!
The thing Damian had thrown in the air was a Sorry card, slowly flipping like a nina star before it stabbed right into the TV screen.
"What the freak?!" Tim yelled. People were starting to yell at him to turn it off, and next to Damian, Jason immediately dissolved into a convulsing fit of laughter. His cigarette fell from his fingers, landing on the ticket stub and catching it on fire.
"Ah!" Jason cursed, chucking the stub into the air. It flew onto the seat in front of him, flittering through the air before it landed right on top a snotty-looking girl's head.
WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY!
GERING-DING-DING-DING-DINGERINGEDING!
GERING-DING-DING-DING-DINGERINGEDING!
"My hair!" the girl cried out as her hair caught on fire, her eyes widened in horror.
"My bad!" Jason called out. People started yelling, pointing in there general direction with wide eyes.
"DAMIAN!" Tim screamed, tackling the ten year old to the floor. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY COMPUTER?!"
"I did nothing, Drake!" Damian protested, attempting to punch his brother in the face.
DOG GOES WOLF, CAT GOES MEOW!
BUT WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?!
"Damian, did you throw a Sorry card at the screen?!" Dick yelled, staring at the card that was slowly starting to tear the screen in half.
"THE MOVIE DOESN'T DESERVE LIFE!" Damian yelled, kicking Tim off of him.
"MY SEAT IS ON FIRE!"
"I TOLD YOU THAT YOU CAN'T SMOKE IN HERE!"
WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?!
"And that's how we got banned from the movies for life," Dick said with a grin.
"That has to be the most beautiful story I've heard all year," Roy proclaimed, laughing as tears streamed down his face.
Lame ending, I know cx HAPPY BATMAN DAY, GUYS! This is kind of cracky, 'cause it was inspired by my sister/brother Tyler, so *shrugs* If you liked it, then awesome! :D
This wouldn't have been written if I wasn't reminded it was National Batman day, so thanks the awesome girl AlphaSketch! GO READ HER BATMAN ONESHOT CALLED BAT BROS FOR LIFE! I couldn't stop laughing xD
Hai~! Tyler here c: I thought that some of the things in here were really funny and I'm glad SweetyKinz used some of my crazy ideas for this one-shot^^
HAVE AN AWESOME LIFE, GUYS! :DDD