Camp Lakebottom where the zombies drool!

Camp Lakebottom where spooks are cool!

Camp Lakebottom don't eat their food!

Camp Lakebottom with a monster attitude!

Camp Lakebottom!

CAMP LAKEBOTTOM!

Cower Cubicle

Dear Mom,

Wanna hear a dirty joke? I fell in the mud. Care for a scary joke to go with that? I cleaned up my act… or rather had it cleaned up for me! YIKES!

As the sun rose over Camp Lakebottom, McGee stretched his arms happily, yawning contentedly as he stood on the pier above the lake water.

Completely naked.

"Ah, there's nothing like a dip in a cool, clear lake before breakfast," the young boy mused cheerfully, running a hand through his brunette locks. "Oh, yeah! CANNONBALL!" he cried, leaping off the end of the pier and hitting the water with a splash. He immediately surfaced, treading water calmly. "You gotta be au naturel to really appreciate something like this."

Somewhere nearby, a rooster crowed to signal the start of a new day. Its cry was quickly cut off as a withered hand suddenly closed around the bird's neck from behind.

"Ooh, you'll make a right tasty breakfast for the campers," Rosebud mused. "No better way to start the day than with a nice chicken goulash… with actual ghouls."

"Rise and shine, campers!" Sawyer called. His multi-purpose left arm, which usually took the form of a chainsaw, had been switched out in favour of a bell, which the zombie was ringing rather incessantly.

"Yes, up and at 'em, campers!" Armand said cheerfully, emerging from the nearby outhouse, waving one huge hairy arm. "We've got a-"

Not looking where he was going, the sasquatch tripped over a tent rope, sprawling flat on his face.

"-whole day of activities planned," he finished, his voice muffed due to his face being squashed against the dirt.

Gretchen stepped out of the campers' cabin, rubbing her eyes. She looked like she hadn't slept too well. "Another day, another disaster at the hands of- MCGEE!" she exclaimed, mortified. She quickly covered her eyes at the sight of McGee standing casually in the shallows, everything showing.

"What did I miss?" Squirt asked brightly, peering out the cabin's doorway. "OH, NELLY!" he yelped, immediately ducking back into the cabin and out of sight. He'd seen more of McGee than he was used to this early in the morning... or at all, for that matter.

"Oh, lighten up, guys," McGee said, rolling his eyes. "It's no more than what Mother Nature gave me. Seriously, the human body is a thing of beauty. Why should we be ashamed of it?"

"Oh, I dunno. Maybe because he might make a big deal out of it," Gretchen said, pointing at a spot beyond where McGee stood. He turned at the sound of an approaching speedboat. No prizes for guessing which spoilt brat from Camp Sunny Smiles was at the helm.

"Morning, Bottom Dwellers!" Buttsquat sneered. "What's new on planet lamewa- AAAAAAAHHHH!" he screamed in absolute horror, catching sight of McGee's… you know. "What's wrong with you, McWeirdo?! Have you no shame?!" he shrieked.

"What's the matter? Like what you see?" McGee taunted, swaying his hips mischievously, if not unsettlingly. Buttsquat's face went green and he turned away, throwing up over the side of his speedboat.

"You need serious help, McFreak!" he wailed, fumbling blindly for the boat's controls, one arm shielding his eyes from the sight of his naked arch-nemesis. "Later, Bottom Exposers!" With that, he started to sail away at high speed, still not watching what he was doing and promptly crashing the speedboat into a rock, splitting the water vessel in two. "Uh, little help?" he called.

Right on cue, one of the many tentacles of Slimey the lake monster rose up, picked up the half of the boat Buttsquat was on and took aim at the general direction of Camp Sunny Smiles.

"Wait, that's not what I- YAAAAAAH!" the stuck-up boy yowled as he was sent back to where he came from the hard way.

"McGee, cover your shame, boy!" Sawyer exclaimed, marching over to investigate the commotion. "Camp Lakebottom does have standards, after all!"

"Yes, McGee, do cover up," Armand said. "Your birthday suit is hardly likely to land you a part in a Broadway musical."

Gretchen and Squirt suddenly shared a fantasy premonition of McGee dancing naked in a musical number. They both shuddered violently at the thought.

"Oh, come on, Armand! This is a summer camp! We're supposed to be getting back to nature!" McGee insisted. "There's nothing bad or scary about being nude! It's natural! It's healthy!"

"Oh, boy," Gretchen said knowingly. "Once he gets an idea in that crazy head of his, there's nothing we can do about it until it's already too late."

"Too late for what?" Squirt asked, having not really been paying attention. "Breakfast? No, wait! I need my breakfast!" he shrieked stupidly, racing towards the mess hall. Gretchen rolled her eyes while Sawyer shifted uncomfortably, knowing that there was no winning this argument any time soon, and in any case, he felt that it was too early in the morning for him to have to deal with this.

"Alright then, campers, come along," he said in a defeatist tone, "But I don't think Rosebud is gonna like this."

Sure enough, Rosebud took one look at McGee - instantly regretting it - and told him to either put something on or go look for breakfast someplace else. Naturally, McGee had a real smart-aleck response prepared, propping a baseball cap atop his head, finding the loophole in the cook's words and leaving her to march away, shaking her head in exasperation.

The campers picked up their spoons before noticing that their chicken goulash was moving.

And moaning.

It didn't seem to bother Squirt, who was chowing down like there was no tomorrow, but such was the way of Squirt. He wasn't the least bit picky when it came to food. If Rosebud cooked it, he'd eat it and enjoy every mouthful. McGee and Gretchen, on the other hand, pushed their dishes away, both claiming that they weren't hungry, though Gretchen was more bothered by her present company than the food this morning. She was afraid to look down for any reason in case she caught a glimpse of McGee's... doohickey. Thus, she picked out a spot on the ceiling and stared at it for a while, humming to herself nervously until Squirt finished his breakfast and theirs, and then they proceeded outside to play volleyball, which became very awkward very quickly… for everyone who wasn't McGee, that is.

"He shoots, he scores!" the nude boy declared, landing the ball on the opposing team's side for the twelfth time in a row. "Anyone wanna try for best thirteen out of twenty-five?"

"I can't take much more of this," Gretchen muttered, turning away, her arms folded. "I feel so humiliated right now."

"Yeah. Ooh, look! A shooting star!" Squirt said suddenly, pointing at something in the sky.

"That's a penguin" McGee said flatly, staring at the distant bird as it flew by.

Gretchen snorted. "Say what?" she exclaimed, bemused - if not mildly amused - by McGee's ignorance. "Penguins can't fly! It's probably a raven!"

"I only mentioned it to lighten the mood," Squirt mumbled, but his words were ignored as Gretchen stepped around the volleyball net and into the mud McGee was standing in. He claimed that it was good for his toes. The pair were still arguing about the bird, and looked like they'd be doing so for a while.

"Penguin!"

"Raven!

"Penguin!"

"Raven!"

"Raven!" McGee said suddenly, a sly grin on his face.

"IT'S A PENGUIN, YOU DOPE!" Gretchen screeched, her cry echoing throughout the campsite and across the lake to Camp Sunny Smiles, causing Suzi to sit up in her deck chair, having been trying to work up a tan.

"Did you hear something?" she asked Buttsquat, who sat nearby wrapped in bandages. His response was muffled by the bandage over his mouth. "Whatever," Suzi muttered, picking up a magazine and beginning to browse its pages as she sat there.

Back at Camp Lakebottom, Gretchen let out a frustrated growl. "I can't believe you tricked me into saying that!" she cried, giving her friend a hard shove. McGee stumbled backwards and landed on his back in the mud. This actually proved to be a relief for Gretchen and Squirt, for the mud had coated McGee's lower region and more or less obscured it from view.

"Oh, lighten up," McGee said, not pleased at having been knocked over. "Help me up, will ya?"

Gretchen did so, but as soon as her hand met McGee's, the boy grinned wickedly and tugged hard, causing Gretchen to sprawl face first into the mud beside him. She raised her head, spitting the cold muck out of her mouth while McGee laughed himself silly at the sight of her.

"Very funny, McGee. And very mature, too," the girl declared sarcastically. "You just ruined my favourite clothes."

"Oh, they had to come off eventually," McGee said matter-of-factly. He then paused, realising how awkward that sounded. "I… didn't mean it like that," he insisted, glad that his cheeks were covered with mud so Gretchen wouldn't see him blushing.

"Well, if you're going to be such a wise guy… CATCH!" Gretchen shouted suddenly, throwing a glob of mud at the boy. McGee laughed and threw some right back. It was an all out mud war that Squirt quickly lost interest in, for he had discovered a bright pink butterfly perched on a nearby flower.

"Hello, little friend. What's your name?" he asked it sweetly. "My name is-"

A glob of mud thrown by McGee then went wild and hit the portly boy in the face.

"-Mud," Squirt finished bitterly.

"That was a cheap shot!" Gretchen taunted, blowing a raspberry at McGee.

"Oh, yeah? Then how about this?" McGee cried, scooping up a big handful of mud, hurrying behind Gretchen, grabbing the collar of her shirt and shoving the cold mud down her back. She yelped and shuddered at the unpleasant sensation as it trickled slowly down her spine.

"Ooh, that's it," she declared, a wild look in her eye as she lay down in the mud for a moment, removing her shirt and straightening up with her torso covered in a very thick layer of mud, making sure nothing could be seen. The rest of her clothes soon landed beside her in the mud and she stood up, coated from head to toe.

"Is that you in there, Gretch? Or did your evil mud monster twin suddenly decide to fill in for ya?" McGee teased.

"With my luck, there probably is an evil mud monster version of me running around somewhere in this place," Gretchen muttered. "You've forced my hand, McGee. I'm going PRIMAL!" she screeched, letting out a karate yell as she leapt at the boy, landing a smart, but not too forceful, kick in the middle of his chest; after all, she was only playing and not actually aiming to hurt him.

"Oh, snap! I did not see that coming!" McGee laughed. "Especially since under all that mud, you're as naked as the day you were born!"

"Huh?" Gretchen said, looking down at herself. "Yeah, I guess I am," she said with a shrug.

"See? Told you it wasn't so bad!" McGee declared, giving Gretchen a friendly slap on the back, splattering mud everywhere.

"I guess it is kind of refreshing," Gretchen admitted. "And this mud, while cold and slimy, actually feels kinda nice against my bare skin."

"And?" McGee asked, eyeing her knowingly.

"And what?"

"And?"

"I'm not gonna say it, McGee."

"Aaaaaaaaaaand?" McGee drawled, not giving up.

Gretchen sighed. "Fine. You were right, McGee. Being naked is natural, healthy and enjoyable," she said. As she spoke, something began to overtake her. "Really enjoyable," she exclaimed. "In fact… I'M NEVER WEARING CLOTHES AGAIN!" she cried, letting out a joyful whoop.

"I'm never even showering again!" McGee declared. "Not that I'd want to, anyway!"

"I couldn't help overhearing that, campers," Sawyer said as he walked by, oiling the blade of his chainsaw hand, "And I wouldn't get too comfortable in those mud suits if I were you."

"Oh, don't be a party pooper, Sawyer," McGee said. "Seriously, what bad thing could possibly come from this?"

"I once knew a feller who asked exactly the same thing," Sawyer said, dropping his voice and holding a flashlight under his chin, looking spooky. "I'll spare you the whole story, but he was ultimately dragged kicking and screaming into the camp's shower cubicles... AND NEVER SAW THE LIGHT OF DAY AGAIN!" he finished, thunder rumbling and lightning flashing in the background. "So, have fun and be sure to clean up before lunch!" he went on more casually, more cheerfully. He walked away, humming to himself.

"Uh, you don't think he was serious, do you?" Gretchen asked cautiously.

"Nah, he just doesn't want us tracking mud through the mess hall," McGee mused. "Now let's make mud angels!"

"Goody!" Gretchen cried cheerfully. She then frowned slightly. "'Goody'? Wow, this whole experience is really bringing out my lighter side!" she exclaimed. The pair then lay down and started making mud angels, laughing merrily, having the time of their lives.

"Where are those two?" Rosebud muttered as she glanced around the mess hall, ready to serve lunch. Squirt waved cheerfully to the cook when her gaze met his, but McGee and Gretchen were nowhere to be seen.

"I suppose they're still playing in the mud," Armand said with a shrug. "Oh, the way they were carrying on, you'd think their mud angels were a work of art."

"I guess they didn't heed my words," Sawyer mused, eyeing the nearby closet. "Oh, well. Sometimes, there's only one way to learn…"

"This is the life," McGee mused. He and Gretchen had finished playing around and were relaxing in the mud, staring up at the unsetting yellow clouds in the sky.

"Tell me about it," Gretchen responded, sighing contentedly. "I mean, when am I gonna get a free mud bath again?"

It was then that McGee heard the whispering. The eerie, ghostly whispering.

"Uh, did you say something, Gretchen?" he asked nervously.

"I was going to ask you that," Gretchen admitted. The pair tensed, but the whispers then fell silent.

"Ah, it was probably just the wind," McGee summarised, relaxing once more.

And then an unseen force lifted McGee up by the ankles and he screamed in horror, Gretchen following suit as she, too, was literally swept off her feet.

"Help! Sawyer, Armand, anybody - HELP!" the boy howled. No one came running out of the mess hall, however. No one was coming to their aid.

"What do we do?" Gretchen cried fearfully.

"I'll think of something! I hope," McGee said, but as he was turned to face away from the mess hall and instead face the shower cubicles, he couldn't help but whimper.

"WE'RE BEING SHOWER-NAPPED!" Gretchen screamed desperately as they floated forwards, hoping someone would hear her, but it was no good.

"We should've listened to Sawyer!" McGee wailed as he drifted into a cubicle, being turned the right way up before the door slammed shut by itself and became locked from the outside.

"Ya think?!" Gretchen exclaimed as she found herself in the cubicle right next to his.

"What do you think's gonna happen to us?" McGee asked as water started to spray down upon him from the shower nozzle, rinsing the mud from his being. The unseen force was holding him in place, his arms stretched upward. "Yeek! that's cold!" he exclaimed.

"I think we're gonna be drowned in here!" Gretchen summarised fearfully. "So at least it'll be painless!"

"Oh, because that solves everything," McGee exclaimed very sarcastically, the water heating up as he spoke. "I hope that's not gonna reach scalding point!"

"Don't give 'em any ideas on how to mess with us, McGee!" Gretchen told him as, to her surprise and worry, several softly tipped brushes, a packet of powdered soap and a bottle of shampoo flew over the top of her cubicle's door, hovering in front of her. "Too late," she muttered dully.

"What's with the brushes?" McGee asked, facing an identical set of items in his own cubicle. "Wait, do I really wanna find out the answer to tha- Hey!" he cried as the powdered soap packet was shaken up wildly, the contents falling like snow around him and quickly becoming suds when exposed to the warm water. It was then that the brushes leapt - almost literally - into action, gathering up a fair amount of the suds and proceeding to brush every inch of the boy's skin they could reach. "What the…? Hey, that tickles!" he complained. "Oh, man, it really tickles!" he whined, starting to giggle.

"Ya thi- Hee hee hee!" Gretchen giggled, only able to stand there helplessly as the brushes tickled her underarms. "This is not how I thought I would die!"

"You never thought you'd die laughing?" McGee asked, raising an eyebrow as he continued to laugh from his tickle torture.

"Oh, shut up!" Gretchen chuckled. "And I'm laughing from being tickled, not because of your dumb joke!"

"Suuure you are," McGee drawled between giggles. "Oh, crud! These things are going for my ribs! That's my weak spot!"

"Don't tell them that!" Gretchen exclaimed, rolling her eyes. "Why do you think I haven't said anything about the soles of my feet? OH, NO!" she howled as her feet were lifted up, the brushes going all out, getting her soles all nice and sudsy. "Ah ha ha ha haaaaa! I can't take it!" she wailed, tears of mirth flowing down her cheeks, mixing with the warm water.

"Your weak spot is the soles of your feet? That's kind of predictable, don't ya think?" McGee teased.

"Well, excuuuuse me, princess!" Gretchen exclaimed, still chuckling helplessly, the brushes leaving no stone unturned in their quest to clean and tickle.

"All Zelda references aside, this isn't so bad!" McGee decided.

"Say what? You do realise that we may never make it out of here alive, right?"

"I think these… whatever are supposed to be working on us are just playing," McGee concluded. "Maybe they'll just tickle us for a while and then let us go."

"Have you already forgotten what Sawyer said?" Gretchen asked.

"No, but do you really think he and the other counsellors would just stand by and let this happen?"

"Well, no, unless they were orchestrating the whole thing to try and teach us a lesson of some sort- Ohhhhhhhh!" Gretchen exclaimed, catching on.

"Exactly," McGee declared. "Let's not give Sawyer the satisfaction of letting him know he got to us. Let's just sit back and enjoy the laughs," With that, he relaxed his muscles and made no attempt to stem his giggling.

"How do you do it, McGee?" Gretchen asked. "How do you look on the bright side every time?"

"Somebody has to," McGee said simply.

"Whatever," Gretchen said, shrugging. "Hey, the brushes have stopped."

"And there's a reason for that," McGee said, eyeing the floating shampoo bottle as it opened itself. "We're about to get a salon shampoo… Camp Lakebottom style."

And sure enough, the unseen force started to work the shampoo through the campers' respective hair, creating a decent amount of lather and then…

"Ohhh… That feels soooo nice," Gretchen said contentedly as what were presumably invisible hands gently massaged the cleansing agent through her dark hair.

"It's the little things like this that make the world go 'round," McGee said, resting his arms behind his head. "Hey! I can move my arms again!"

"Me, too!" Gretchen said brightly. "There really is a bright side to all this! ...Apparently," she declared as the water rinsed the last of the shampoo from their scalps and then stopped flowing. After a brief moment, the cubicle doors flung themselves open, Sawyer standing there with his back to them, his arms folded. On the floor behind him were McGee's and Gretchen's spare changes of clothes, neatly folded.

"And there's a lesson to be learned here," the zombie said smugly without turning around. "Care to guess what it is, campers?"

"Don't disobey your counsellor when he tells you to clean up your act?" McGee guessed meekly.

"Something like that. There's also something about modesty in there somewhere, I'm sure," Sawyer said knowingly.

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry. From now on, I'm keeping my natural, healthy body where it belongs," McGee said as he pulled on his shirt and shorts. "Inside my warm, comfy clothes."

"Amen," Gretchen exclaimed as she fixed the rubber bands on her ponytails, glad to be fully dressed again. "You can turn around now, by the way."

"I guess my old friends really did a number on you two," Sawyer mused, chuckling as he turned. "Now, who's up for lunch?"

"I'd love some!" McGee cried. "I haven't eaten all day!"

"And whose fault is that?" Sawyer asked, raising an eyebrow.

Right on cue, McGee's stomach rumbled. "Okay, okay. Consider that three lessons I've learned today."

"Think nothing of it, my boy. Rosebud's cooked up a real surprise for lunch."

"What's the surprise?" Gretchen asked cheekily. Sawyer looked a little taken aback while McGee appeared surprised; it wasn't like Gretchen to make a joke right out of the blue.

"I think I'm starting to rub off on you," McGee said smugly.

"Yeah, that's why we ended up in the tickle torture chamber in the first place!" Gretchen reminded him.

"You're welcome," McGee said even more smugly, walking away with a big, stupid grin on his face. Gretchen growled in irritation while Sawyer stood there, not sure whether to laugh or not.

"MCGEE!" Gretchen roared, her shout shaking the entire lake.

Over at Camp Sunny Smiles, Suzi sat up again, looking around. "Okay, I definitely heard something that time," she insisted.

Buttsquat reached up and pulled the bandage away from his mouth, letting out a heavy sigh. "This lame story's over," he declared.

And that's the show, Bottom Dwellers! Review and let me know if you'd like to see more Camp Lakebottom fanfics from me!