The Mess That We'll Become

Chapter 33: Hellfire

Steve's body was stiff and sore as he drove his fist harder and harder into the punching bag hanging from the beam in his gym. He'd only been there an hour but his fatigue stemmed from this being the third time in a matter of days that he'd needed to take out some frustration away from home.

He and Aurora were having another argument. She'd walked out on him again and he hadn't wanted to be home when she got back. It was always about the same thing – SHIELD and her place within the agency. He didn't know what else to do. He knew she was going behind his back over things but he couldn't bring himself to support her decision. It was a stupid decision, a dangerous one… He was terrified at the thought of her going back…

The chain the bag hung from creaked in protest and he let up slightly, letting his fists rest on the bag and his shoulders heaved from the excursion. He couldn't back down from this but if he didn't he was worried about their future. He was worried that she would leave him, or that she would get hurt and he wouldn't ever know what had happened.

He was stuck in a complex situation of knowing exactly what his fiancé was going through, but also not. She was a loaded gun and he was playing Russian Roulette, never knowing what would set off an argument. Today had been because he'd simply wondered if she wanted company to the city. She'd snarled at him that she didn't need an escort but hadn't wanted to listen when he'd tried to explain that he just wanted to spend the day with her. It had quickly turned into his refusal to not let her join SHIELD and then she'd left. She always left and he never went after her, knowing better than to follow the already lit fuse. He always received a message from someone telling him she'd made it to them safely. Today had been Pepper and he knew she was at Stark Tower if he needed to find her.

But he didn't want to find her. He didn't want to talk to her right now. He loved her so damn much but he was frustrated and angry and plain hurt. He knew logically how he'd feel in her position, how he would want to throw himself back to prove his worth; but that didn't change how he felt about her going back.

It was a rock and a hard place that he was wedge firmly between and he had no idea what he wanted to do.

Behind him the doors of the gym opened and he straightened with wary surprise. He hadn't been expecting anyone to stop by today. As far as he knew there were no training sessions with his teammates and he'd thought he'd be alone.

Clint lifted a hand in a wave as he walked in, dressed in his regular workout clothes, a form fitted black shirt and baggy shorts. Steve was surprised to see Tony behind him, also dressed to work out. He was carrying a water bottle filled with what looked like motor oil and the hood of his sweatshirt was pulled over his head.

"Hey Cap, hope we're not disturbing your work out." Clint said as he drew near. He dropped a bag on the metal benches that ran alongside the boxing ring. "Figured you might be here."

"Yeah, I'm here." Steve sighed, slapping his hand against the punching bag. "Surprised you are though." He raised an eyebrow and nodded toward Tony.

Stark feigned hurt shock, his hand going to his chest.

"Uhm, rude. I'm a: only here because your wife is currently sitting in my living room, steamed as hell and grumbling to my wife about you and I was also in the firing line – "

"Not my wife –"

" – Since when are you married, Stark?"

"And b:" Tony continued, ignoring both his team mates, "fuck you. I work out. Do you know how much that suit weighs? The answer is a lot so yeah, I work out." Tony rolled his eyes and took a drink from the water bottle. Steve gave a small laugh.

"Well I'm sorry my wife is disturbing your peace at home." He sighed. "What's she complaining about?" He asked, exchanging a look with Clint. The archer looked sympathetic and Steve figured it mustn't have been good.

"Oh this and that. You guys are fighting again, you're an ass whose controlling her life, something something SHIELD… I try not to listen, honestly." Tony shrugged, picking some invisible lint off his pants. Steve pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Yeah that's what it normally is." He muttered.

"Trouble in paradise, buddy?" Tony asked and Steve looked between him and Clint warily. He hadn't talked to anyone about the problems he and Aurora were having. He hadn't known how. Aurora was the one who he spoke to about everything, but he couldn't when she was the cause.

"I asked if she wanted company to the city today and she hit the roof." He explained, looking down at his hands. "I was asking because we haven't done anything in a while but she took it as a –"

"I don't trust you to go alone." Clint finished and Steve nodded. "That's rough."

"Yeah. Then it escalated and she may have made the comment that I never let her do anything on her own anymore and I control her and she didn't like what I had to say in response."

"Which was?" Tony prompted and Steve got the impression that he was excited by the prospect of not being the only bad boyfriend who says stupid things.

"That the last time I let her go by herself she ended up cut up in front of me." He replied, grimacing. Clint let out a huff and Tony actually laughed.

"Shit Cap, welcome to the foot-in-mouth club." The archer responded, stretching his back and cracking his neck. "Not the last time you'll say something dumb I can promise you."

"You would know." Tony muttered. "I'm actually a little impressed with that one though." He grinned at Steve. "No wonder she was steamed."

"She was steamed before that. She lost her temper first." Steve defended himself pathetically. "I just don't know what to do anymore."

"Ride it out. It's her PTSD." Clint shrugged. "Just be glad she's not an ex-KGB assassin who could literally kill you without you ever seeing her." He smiled before clapping his hands. "Alright, we won't disturb you anymore. C'mon Stark, you wanted to train with the big boys. Get in the ring." Clint clapped his hands, looking far too happy at the prospect of kicking the crap out of Tony.

Steve turned back to his punching bag but turned back a few minutes later to watch the spectacle in the ring. He was actually surprised to find that Tony wasn't too bad and when he said so Tony informed him that after he'd been taken he forced himself to take up several different forms of martial arts so he at least knew how to get himself out of a situation.

Steve was impressed.

He leant his arms over the bottom rope and watched Clint run the billionaire through a series of drills, each one different to the next.

"You know, Cap." Clint grunted out after a couple of drills, glancing at his friend. "Maybe you should just let Rory re-join SHIELD." He shrugged, ducking as Tony swing wide to the left. Steve clenched his jaw, shaking his head.

"I can't. She can't. It's too dangerous." He said, shrugging a shoulder. "We fight all the time about it but I can't let her go." He added.

"Maybe you need to. Fury is hardly going to give her a mission right off the bat, right? I mean, he can't. She's still got psych evals and shit to pass," Clint continued. Steve nodded in response, taking a drag from his waterbottle. "So to avoid the arguments, just let her go back? She'll probably have to suffer through desk work anyway." Clint shrugged.

Steve paused for a moment, gripping the rope tightly in a fist. Clint had a point. As far as he knew, Aurora hadn't done any psych evaluations yet. He didn't think she would pass and if she did there would be restrictions. Fieldwork wouldn't be on the cards for a little while and he knew how much she hated desk duty. Hell, she hated it so much she may just quit anyway.

He was so sick of fighting with her that it was very tempting to put the theory to the test.

"How do you deal with Nat being out in field, after everything you have been through?" Steve asked, watching as Clint's concentration slipped slightly and Tony landed a punch to his ribs. He countered with a clip around the head and a foot to the back of Tony's knee, which sent him sprawling. Swearing, he lay flat on his back at the archer's feet.

Clint ran a hand over his face, running it through his sweaty hair to make the sandy blonde mess stick up at odd angles as he thought about what to say next.

"Aside from knowing that I would literally be a dead man and that no one would ever find my body if I told her she couldn't?" Clint grinned and shrugged. "I trust Nat to know her limits." He replied simply. Steve felt guilty. Did he really not trust Aurora to know when to stop? "Saying that though, Nat's never been used against me quite in the way Rory was used against you." Clint added quietly. "I've never had to watch her be hurt so vividly in front of my eyes so I feel my answer would be slightly different if that were the case."

Steve's shoulders slumped and he walked over to his bag. He had no idea what to do but he couldn't keep fighting with her. They were miserable more than they were happy these days. He knew it would pass and it in no way changed how he felt about her – but it was wearing on him. It was wearing on both of them.

"I know Aurora knows her stuff. I know she can protect herself… but every time I think about her going back into field without me I –"

"Lose your shit." Tony supplied as he got to his feet and Steve fixed him with a narrow-eyed gaze. Tony held up his hands. "Hey, I don't blame you. Aurora is the little sister I never had nor wanted but got anyway. I don't want her to go back either but if she does I don't want her to do it behind our backs."

"Stark has a point Steve. You tell her a flat no and she will do it anyway, you know it." Clint agreed with Tony and Steve let out a frustrated groan.

Talking to Clint and Tony was both helping him and confusing him more. He didn't know what to do.

She'd already gone behind his back to get the ball rolling. She knew he hated the idea so she didn't talk to him about it. Her chances of getting hurt were higher because he didn't know what she was doing but if he just accepted it and let her do what she needed to he would be there to help her if she needed it.

The sound of the door opening made the three men pause and turn and beyond them, Steve saw the woman in question walk into the gym. Her headphones were in her ears and he could hear the music blasting from where he stood. She glanced at the three men, her gaze quickly sliding right by Steve when it fell on him.

"Speak of the devil." Clint smiled, waving his hand.

Rory pulled an earbud out.

"What?"

"You look out of shape." Clint winked, changing his words and she flipped him off, her lips lifting in a small smile. He signed something to her with fast hands and she rolled her eyes as she signed something back. Clint laughed, sliding out from under the ropes, leaving Steve confused about what had been said. "Well we should probably be off. As fun as it is kicking Tony's ass, I think he's tenderized for the day."

"Hey! You didn't beat me up that bad." Tony countered indignantly, slipping from the ring behind Clint. "I got some hits in too."

"Yeah, actually I'm surprised. You're pretty good." Clint nodded, gathering his bag quickly. He and Tony were out the door before Steve could even blink, leaving him alone in the gym with his still-pissed fiancée.

Steve let out a sigh as Rory started to stretch by the treadmills. He had another round on the bag to go and then he'd leave her be. She obviously wasn't talking to him yet and he would much rather be at home if she wanted to use this space. He hated the silent treatment but his pride kept him from breaking the silence first.

By the time he'd finished that, she was slowing down on the treadmill, ready to move onto whatever was next. He gathered his bag, waiting for her to say something but knowing she –

"Clint's right." Her voice carried easily and his back stiffened in surprise. He was sure he was in for the silent treatment for at least another 2 hours. "I am out of shape."

He glanced at her over his shoulder at her, wondering if she really was talking to him. He found her looking right at him, her water bottle in her hand and she was fiddling with the cap.

"You'll get it back." He assured her, zipping the bag up. A couple of words were better than nothing, he thought as he slung it over his shoulder. He was still going to leave. He didn't want to push his –

"Did you… want to train? Together, I mean. I need someone to kick my ass back into shape." Her voice was small but hopeful and he turned to look at her.

"Is this an excuse to hit me?" He asked dryly, still not wanting to forgive her for lashing out at him.

"No." She shook her head. "But I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to use it as an excuse to hit me. I haven't exactly been the nicest person to you lately." Steve let out a huff of agreement and she sighed. "I just… need the help but if you have somewhere else to be –"

"It's fine." Steve waved a hand, cutting off her rambling. This was about as close to an apology as he was going to get right now and he'd take what he could get… and she did need the help. It had been almost 3 months without any form of training and she would be lacking. If she was going to join SHIELD again she had to be on top of her game to reduce her risk of injury or worse.

They climbed into the ring together and met in the middle.

"It's been a while since we've gone a couple rounds." He said as he stretched his arms across his chest. She smiled back, her hands fiddling with her hair to make it nice and secure.

"Is it too much to ask you to go easy on me?" She asked in a falsely sweet voice. He knew better than to fall for it. He cracked his neck and shook his head.

"I don't think you want me to go easy." He grinned and was met with a shake of her head. "but –"

"Never. I can take it." She said seriously. Steve laughed again, holding up a hand as continued.

"Maybe we should run through some drills to start with." He suggested, knowing she was going to push too hard. "It's been a while since you've done any kind of fighting and your knee isn't – oughfff." The wind was knocked out of him as she launched herself across the ring, her feet quick and nimble, her fist and elbow catching him in the gut. He caught her second in-coming elbow easily and deflecting it with a quick palm. He grabbed her ankle as it came up and tossed it aside, hoping to throw her off balance.

She stumbled, her knee giving way and he waited for her to turn.

"You good?"

She grunted in response, nodding just once as she readied herself again. Steve cleared his throat.

"M'fine." She sighed, meeting his gaze fiercely as if he'd insulted her outright.

"Are you hurt?" He asked, his eyebrows rising with the question. Her knee was a weak point that she hadn't been anticipating. She needed to watch it or she'd reinjure it.

"No." She scowled, giving a quick shake of her head before starting once more.

She drove forward in her attack again, her fists and feet fast even though her technique was a little off. Her right side was slower, her knee not quite keeping up and she'd changed her kicks to her left.

While she was still skilled, she was lacking something and Steve was happy to sit back on the defense and let her keep coming forward. She would pick up her technique soon enough, she just needed to get back into the swing of things.

Frustration grew on her face however when she realized that he wasn't sparring with her; he was just letting her attack. There was no challenge in that, no fun in training together.

She grit her teeth and took a leap at him, wrapping her legs around his torso to try and bring him down to the mat.

"Stop it." She grunted through gritted teeth when she flipped him far too easily.

"Stop what?" He asked, his landing too controlled for it to have been anything other than on purpose.

"Stop just letting me attack." She said as she brushed her hair out of her eyes, waiting for him to get up.

"You need to get your technique back under control." He replied as he got back to his feet. He watched her pant and wipe the sweat from her lip.

"I'd get it back faster if I had a challenge." She bit and he sensed the annoyance rolling off her in waves. He gave a small sigh of frustration.

"Can you just warm up first?" He asked, sensing that they boarding on another fight. She was so stubborn and so proud. He didn't want to hurt her but he would if she didn't slow down.

"I am warmed up." She bit, the scowl a permanent fixture on her brow. "Just fight back, Rogers." She hissed, giving him a good shove to the chest. He frowned at her, taking a step back not from force but fro surprise. She was fast losing her temper with him and he could see another fight on the horizon.

"If you want to train again you need to be smart about it." He folded his arms. She growled, stepping forward to shove him a second time.

"I am being smart about it. I know my limits."

"Your old limits." Steve countered. "Your limits are different now. You've been injured. You can't just jump back in an expect to – " He gave a grunt, swatting her hands away as she went in for a third attack. "be the same. Stop shoving me, Aurora." He snapped, grabbing her hands and pulling her close.

"Stop treating me like I'm going to break." She snapped back, anger blazing in her eyes. "I just wanted to train with you like we used to but you can't even pretend to think of me as an equal now!"

Steve's eyes widened and his grip tightened around her wrists. It was like a slap in the face. He didn't know how many times he had to tell her that he didn't see her as anything less than an equal but he was done with it. If she wanted a fight, she'd get it and the consequences would be on her.

"You know I see you as an equal." He said coolly, his fingers tightening around her wrists. "Stop being stupid."

"I know you don't. You think that I'm this weak, little girl who can't defend herself because she was stupid enough to get caught and used as leverage – " Her voice cracked and she breathed in hard.

"I'm fairly sure that's how you see yourself." He interjected, but she continued on over the top of him.

"You won't even fight me because you think I'm so damn weak –"

"I won't fight you because you're injured! You've been injured and you have to relearn everything you knew but you won't listen to me." Steve exclaimed, letting her hands go and pacing to the far side of the ring. She was infuriating and he didn't know if she really couldn't see the full picture or if she was purposely ignoring it, but he had had enough. If she didn't want to see that she was injured then he would show her.

He pinched his nose. "You know what I saw while you were attacking? You had to change your kicks from right to left, which threw off your balance and your punches. You had to figure this out on the fly and you did, but now you have to practice what you just taught yourself."

"but I still did it, on the fly." She pointed out, sounding a little smug and he grit his teeth. She wasn't going to give this up and he was sick of trying to verbally explain it.

"Fine," He bit out "If you want me to play hard ball then that's what you get."

He raised his fists and gave her all of two seconds to ready herself before he launched into an attack. He drove forward, his fists landing half the time as she defended. It took her a couple of seconds to orient herself and finally she started to drive him back, countering his hits with lethal kicks that, when they landed, left a sting.

It wasn't until she feinted right but went left that he blocked her and stepped to her right, his hand coming down hard on her thigh. She cried out as her knee buckled and she hit the mats but he stepped away, turning to bring the next attack.

Rory rolled over the mats and sprang to her feet, relying heavily on her left leg for support. Steve dove down, his feet coming to sweep at hers and she jumped over them. Her knee buckled again on the landing and he landed a blow against her lip and cheek that had her sprawling to the other side of the ring.

Her blood boiled as blood trickled from her lip and she wiped it on the back of her hand. She struggled to her feet for half a second and any sane person would have given up, but she was determined to hold her own against him. She had asked for this and through the pain she would win – or she would go down with one hell of a fight.

He lunged for her waist and hooked a leg around her bad knee, applying a slight amount of pressure so that it half buckled again.

She cried out, spinning out of his grip and jerking his arm awkwardly to the left away from him. She hit the mats hard for the third time in as many minutes but rolled to her feet before he could say a word.

He stepped back than, catching a second of breath and she took the opportunity to drive at him and she aimed a high kick at his jaw. He saw her coming, dropping down under her foot so she used his knee as a step and jumped high, her feet slamming into his shoulder's hard enough that he lost his balance and fell back against the mats.

She landed on his torso, knees either side of his ribs and she smiled triumphantly down at him.

"I got you." She said, breathing hard from the exertion.

"No you didn't." Steve shook his head once before he grabbed her by the upper arms and flexed his hips, rolling them both sideways. He ended up above her, pinning her in place with his thighs, hips and hands. "You favor your right leg too much. It left you open for attacks on your left. You were sloppy and the more frustrated you got the more mistakes you made." He said flatly and she scowled. "This is why relearning what you're doing is important because if you do rejoin SHIELD – when –" He corrected himself, thinking about what Clint had said, "when you rejoin SHIELD, I want you to be prepared and I want to know that you will be ok with handling whatever is thrown your way. Understood?" He didn't let her answer before he let her up, shaking his head and pacing to the far side of the ring. His heart was in his throat and he felt sick. He was really letting her do this. He was really going to let he go back without a fight. Anxiety filled his chest and he pinched the skin on his hips to calm down.

Rory sat up and stared at him in stunned silence for a long moment.

When. He'd said when she returned to SHIELD. It was the permission that she wanted, the permission that would mean she could talk to him and ask for advice and she didn't have to sneak around behind his back anymore. No more fighting or arguing …

"I'm sorry, when?" She asked, rising to her feet gingerly. Her knee was throbbing with pain and she didn't want to admit he was right but she knew he was.

He turned to her, his hands on his hips and he nodded.

"You're going to join with or without me. I'd rather I know about it so I can help you." He explained with a resigned shrug. "If you need it." He added with a wince. He was probably expecting another fight at his words but instead she grinned.

"Thank you." She breathed, her heart tight with happiness. She never thought something could make her so happy but it had. His support and his help meant the world to her. She knew that this was hard for him and she said so.

"I'm just sick of fighting with you, doll." He said simply. "It's not that I don't trust you or your abilities… I just don't trust anyone else to keep you safe."

Rory walked across the ring to him and took his hands. She pulled herself into him, one hand coming up to rest on his jaw. She met his gaze head on, losing herself in the depths of the blue.

"At the end of the day, none of us are safe. We just have to stick together and do what we can." She said simply. "We're all at risk and even if I wasn't with SHIELD I would still be at risk just by wearing this ring." She held up her hand and felt his fingers tighten around her hips. "But your support is appreciated and you couldn't make me happier right now." She pulled his head down to her for a kiss and felt a weight lift off her shoulders.

She pulled away after a long moment and shot him a wicked grin.

"So are we going to keep sparring or what?" She winked at him, dropping her hands to his hips to give him a small shove.

"Are you going to listen to what I'm saying or are you going to keep getting hurt?" He asked, bringing a hand up to swipe his thumb across her busted lip. It was already healing over thanks to the boost of serum in her blood now and for that he was glad.

She laughed, shaking her head and turning away as she walked across the ring. She stretched her arms, tightening her ponytail as she turned.

"Depends if you're going to keep fighting me or if you're just going to let me win." She countered. Her knee still hurt but she could deal. In a real situation no one would be stopping to wait for it to be ok.

"Not a chance. You're so adamant that you want a fight, I'll give you a hell of a fight doll." He huffed, watching her set herself up. She was long and lean and so beautifully his. God he loved her, more than he ever thought possible.

He gave her small instructions as they fought but he didn't go easy. Twice he had her on the mats but she landed more hits than he wanted to admit. The longer they went the better she was getting and it made him proud, but distracted. He'd always loved his women strong and Rory besting him was making his heart thunder and his blood boil.

"Pay attention!" Rory exclaimed as she managed to smack him across the face for the second time in as many minutes. She laughed and retreated and Steve rubbed his cheek.

"You're distracting me," He admitted with a grin, catching a second of breath. He sprang to an attack but she was ready for him, deflecting his fists to the side and hooking her ankle around his, his momentum sending him crashing to the ground. She followed him down, landing triumphantly on his torso, knees either side of his ribs and she gave a laugh.

"How am I distracting you?" She placed a hand against his chest and his hands instinctively came up to her thighs.

"I'm attracted to pretty dames who can best me in a fight." He shrugged, his lips pulling up in a smirk. She laughed again, swatting his chest.

"It's almost like you're letting me win."

"It's almost like you're cheating." He countered and her mouth dropped open in surprise.

"No, I would be cheating if I did this." She grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head, leaving her seated on him in just her tight shorts and green sports bra. He gave a groan and she gave a grin.

"That's not fair." He protested as she rolled off him, springing to her feet gracefully.

"You gotta beat me if you want me." She challenged, turning her back on him as she walked away.

"You sure you want to do that, doll?" He asked, climbing to his feet and watching her every move.

She just smiled in response, curling her fingers in a 'bring it on' gesture and he wasted no time in sprinting toward her. He was on the attack now, her challenge spurring him on to concentrate and he threw his weight around like he owned the ring. Every time she thought he was doing one thing, he grabbed her and did another, picking her up and tossing her like a ragdoll.

There was a moment of time when he was trying to wrestle her to the ground and she was straining from effort to hold them both up that she realized she would have to play dirty to stop him from winning. She snaked her arms between them, letting her palms cup the hard length in his pants and he gave a surprised huff, his eyebrows shooting to his hairline.

It distracted him long enough that she could hook her foot around his ankle again and throw him off balance and just like she'd expected, he went crashing again to the mats, pulling her down on top of him. She straddled him triumphantly, grinning down at the sprawled superhero beneath her.

They stayed motionless for a moment, staring at each other. They were covered in sweat; their chest heaving and Rory thought he had never looked better. This Adonis of a man was hers and hers alone and she couldn't help herself as she leaned down to kiss him.

He let out a growl, tangling his fingers in her hair forcing her harder against him. She let out a soft moan and his hips bucked up to meet hers, his hard length hit her core and she made the sound again. Steve's free hand pushed on the waistband of her shorts and she fumbled with getting her hands under his shirt. They broke apart for only a second, long enough to shed what little they were wearing and then he was in her, her soft walls squeezing him tightly as she sat above him.

Her skin was flushed and glistening and she'd never looked better. He loved the way she moved, her breasts bouncing and her hips flexing as she rode him hard and fast. His fingers left their mark on her thighs, small circles where he held on tightly. He let her leg go to press his thumb between their bodies and her eyes squeezed shut as she ground her cunt down on him, the extra friction pressed against her clit sending her crashing over the edge. Her movements slowed and she slumped forward, letting him catch her against his chest.

He peppered her face in soft kisses as he tested the waters by bucking up into her. She gave a gasp and fused their lips, her body rolling as she let him do it again. He couldn't hold on much longer, not after their fighting – both verbal and sparring. This was how they were making up. This was their apology to each other.

Twice he tried to flip them so he could fuck her into the mats of the boxing ring but she pressed his shoulders harder into the floor, enjoying the dominance being on top gave her. She met his gaze as she leant back, her cunt fluttering around him again as her head dropped back in ecstasy. It was all he needed to come and, with a string of curses, he unloaded into her with a few jerky thrusts of his hips.

She fell against his chest again, curling herself into his arms, breathing heavily but very contented. Steve held her tightly. He loved her. He was so afraid of losing her because he loved her. He'd lost too much in his lifetime but he knew he had to support her joining SHIELD, even if it killed him.

"You good?" He asked after she'd been silent a long moment and he felt her nod.

"I'm good." She replied. "I love you." She lifted her head, her eyes a bright amber color against the flush that was high on her cheeks.

"I love you, a helluva lot doll." He smiled. He hissed as she unseated herself from him and his cock slid out of her. "We should hit the showers."

"We should." She agreed. "Here or at home?"

Steve looked around at the darkening gym. It was a miracle no one had stopped by in the middle of that. He didn't want to risk it with round two.

"Home. It's more comfortable anyway." He reached for her clothes and she took them, starting to dress. He wasn't sure how he got so damn lucky with her but he hoped it never ended. Her time with SHIELD would pass one day, but her time with him was never ending he was sure.

Rory's palms sweated as she approached the door to Nick Fury's office in the new SHIELD offices on the Lower West Side. After not hearing anything from him for weeks after submitting her application, she'd received a text message with this address and nothing else. There was no indication as to what it might mean, no clue if she still had a job or not.

This was it; the final test. Everything she'd been fighting for the past 4 months came down to this. Was she crazy to be going back so soon? Yes, she was, she knew that… But she felt better than she ever had, the serum in her veins making her feel stronger and ready for anything. Having Steve's backing and support helped more than she could ever say as well and just knowing that he knew she was here doing this made her feel lighter and less stressed.

She wasn't expecting much when she knocked on the door to the office. She knew that she may have only been there to be told not yet but she still had to try. Nerves coursed through her body, making her stomach churn and her hands shake as she entered Fury's new office.

It was a nice office, big and spacious with a wall of windows that overlooked Central Park on one side. Opposite that window as a wall of monitors that displayed various things that Rory only glanced at before they went blank as she walked past.

She kept her eyes on Fury and waited until he looked up.

"Agent Dugan, I'm glad you're here." He said finally, placing his pen carefully on the desk beside the paperwork he'd been filling out.

"Did you think I wouldn't come?" She asked, smirking lightly.

"I had small doubts." He shook his head. "I know how much sway Captain Rogers has over you and I am very aware of how he doesn't want you back so soon."

Rory sucked in a deep breath.

"Well, as fond as I am of Captain Rogers… coming back is for my own personal gain and has nothing to do with him." She smiled. "Besides, he's grudgingly supporting my decision. He knew I would do it with or without him."

"I'm glad to hear it because I have a mission for you." He leant forward, siding a file across to her and Rory fought to keep the look of surprise off her face.

She wasn't expecting to even be reinstated so soon, let alone given a mission right off the bat. Her mind flew to several different places as she waited for Fury to continue. What kind of mission? Was she really ready? What if her family was right and she couldn't do this? Doubt started to creep at her from all sides but she kept her face blank and pushed it all away. She had to prove to them she could.

"I want you to find more Hydra agents within other counter-terrorism agencies across the world." The statement was simple but loaded and Rory didn't know what to say first.

"World?" She exclaimed, reaching for the file on the desk. She sat in the chair as she opened it.

"This is a deep undercover mission, Dugan. I would have you in Australia to start with to see what you could find." Fury continued. Rory's eyes scanned the file in her hands. Several intelligence agencies across the globe had been flagged as targets and he wanted her to travel to all of them. She felt breathless. This was a big mission.

"You think Hydra is world wide?" She asked, hoping her voice was steady enough.

"I'm hoping not but we have ties across the globe. If we've been infiltrated, chances are someone else has as well." Fury nodded and Rory looked down at her file.

Australia. He wanted her to go to Australia first and work up from there. It made sense – an island nation in bottom of the world; what better place to set up shop and let Hydra breed?

But it was so far away. Why would he send her somewhere so far from home?

"All due respect, sir. Why me?" She cleared her throat, closing the file on her lap.

"You're in the perfect position right now to move around. If I reject your application to rejoin today, you are well within your rights to move to another agency."

"So you're setting me up to look like I quit SHIELD and left?" She asked, her eyebrows knitting in confusion.

"Yes, you transferred to the Australian Secret Intelligence Service. That's the best cover for you." He nodded. Rory frowned as she processed what he was saying. It wouldn't look out of place if she quit SHIELD because she wasn't reinstated. Anyone who knew her knew how important this was to her, how hard she was working to repair her life.

The only problem was Hydra knew who she was. She was a SHIELD legacy. They would see her coming a mile off and they would hide themselves well. It didn't make sense for her to be the one to take this undercover mission and she said so to Fury.

He let out a sigh and rubbed a hand over his face.

"I anticipated this and I see it this way – you need to give them a reason to believe that you have cut ties completely from all of this." He waved a hand, a wild gesture.

"This?" She asked, her eyebrows knitting together.

"SHIELD. Your family. Captain Rogers. All of it. You want in so badly and I want to give you this mission. It just has to be believable." Fury gave her a serious look and Rory's stomach dropped. "I know it's asking a lot –"

"You're damned right it is!" She exclaimed, blinking rapidly. Her dream of returning to SHIELD was crumbling before her eyes. His price was too high and she wondered if this was all on purpose: to give her a price she would have to refuse. It sounded like something her grandfather would dream up and her temper flared. "Give me something else. Anything else. I'll take desk work over this –"

"I need you for this." Fury shook his head.

"So it's this mission or nothing."

"Correct. You will not be reinstated within SHIELD for the time being if you don't take this mission." His words hung in the air and Rory felt like she had ice in her veins.

"I'm literally getting married to Captain America." She pointed out, squeezing her left hand tightly with her right, the file slipping from her knees to land on the floor. "Hydra aren't exactly going to want to buddy up to me and I don't know how I can make us breaking up credible to anyone who knows us."

Fury shuffled some papers on his desk, pushing them off of a simple manila folder with her name printed in the margin. A classified stamp was splattered across the front, the red ink screaming at her like a beacon.

"I know there is one thing that will help. It took me a long time to track it down. Your grandparents, and I think even Steve, are very good at covering things up." He cleared his throat, smoothing his hands across the cover.

She couldn't take her eyes off it now, the curiosity burning like wildfire. What could be in there that was so classified that Nick Fury had to work hard to access it?

She could feel his eyes on her as he slid the folder across the mahogany desk. She reached for it, her fingers curling around the cardboard and she hoped he couldn't see her shaking. He pulled it back at the last second and she looked up and met his gaze.

"Think very carefully before you pull this thread, Aurora." His voice was soft and it made Rory nervous. "You are not going to like what you find but it will make you perfect for the job I have for you."

Rory swallowed, pulling the folder tightly into her body.

"I will think about it." She nodded, her heart beating wildly in her chest. Her mind was a swirling mess of what if's and maybe's. There were questions that she didn't even know existed, with answers that were right under her fingertips.

Whatever was in the file would destroy her life; she had the sense enough to feel what was coming. If she opened the file and found the truth she would take the job. Maybe she wouldn't open it yet. She should really discuss with Steve, maybe they would work things out and they could fake everything.

Even as the thought passed through her mind she dismissed it. He would never want her to go so far away and there was no way he could go with her. Fury was right – this was a job for one person only and she was in the position to quit SHIELD if they didn't reinstate her. Everyone knew her drive; it wouldn't be too much to ask people to believe she'd joined another agency.

This was her price: her job or her lover?

She sat in a taxicab with the file weighing heavily on her knees. What could possibly be in this file that made her perfect for the job. She didn't know and she opened the cover gingerly.

The photos made her sick and her hands shook as she read through the file. The words on the page made her want to burn Hydra to the ground. That bastard had beaten her, tortured her and tried to dissect her all to seek revenge on her grandfather and to destroy the person she loved.

The more she looked at what had been done, the more she wanted to take this job. Steve would either just have to live with it or they would really be done. Her heart broke at the thought but she couldn't just let this go. Her decision was made. She would take the mission.

She was just collecting the folder together, making her argument up in her mind when a slip of paper fell out and landed on the floor of the cab. She picked it up, the words on the page not making any sense the first time she read it.

Early Pregnancy Loss

Confirmation of Miscarriage and Notice of Right to Fetal Death Certificate

This is to certify that Aurora Sarah Dugan (woman's name) had a positive pregnancy test on 10/08/2012.

That was/was not confirmed as an intrauterine pregnancy by an ultrasound.

On 10/08/2012 Aurora Dugan:

Had a miscarriage of a 9-week fetus that was delivered with no sign of life. The miscarriage was not the result of the purposeful termination of a pregnancy.

Miscarriage result of undue stress and physical harm.

She sat back on her heels, her ears ringing loudly as the breath left her lungs.

"You alright there ma'am?" The driver glanced at her in the rearview mirror. "You're not gonna be sick, are ya?"

"N-no…" She shook her head, tucking the paper back into the folder.

"You sure? You've gone very pale." He cleared his throat, peering out of the windshield. "Only a coupl'a blocks to go…"

"I'm fine." She took a deep breath and focused on the world outside of the window. The one that wasn't shattering around her.

It took all of her control to hold it together as she paid for the cab and stood in front of the home she shared with the man who might have lied to her. Fury said that it was her grandparents and Steve who had made this file so dam hard to retrieve. Why would he have done that if he hadn't known? A choked sob left her lips and she clutched at her sides as she struggled to breathe.

She'd been pregnant. She'd held life inside her body and it had been lost. She'd never even known and he had. It was all too much.

Stomach acid burned her throat as she climbed the steps to her door. It took her a few goes to get the key in the lock and then she pushed the door open but didn't enter.

He didn't know, she told herself. He doesn't know. You have to believe he doesn't know.

"That you, doll?" He called through the house and she sucked in a breath.

"Yeah, it's me." She replied, trying to keep her voice steady. Bis came running, his tail wagging happily and she placed a hand on his head.

"What's the matter?" Steve asked. She heard his footsteps move through the house rapidly and within seconds he was before her, scooping her into his arms. "What's wrong sweetheart?" He murmured against her hair.

Her whole body shook as he held her and she repeated to herself that he knew nothing about what had happened.

"I… We were…. Did you know?" Words failed her but the question that burned on her tongue escaped her throat with a choked sob.

"Know what?" He asked, pushing her away so he could see her face. She felt him wipe her cheeks but she raised the folder and pushed it against his chest.

"Did you know?" She said again. She felt like she was going to pass out. Why had they kept this from her? It was killing her slowly from the inside. She'd carried life inside her for 9 brief weeks and she hadn't even known. There had been signs but she'd figured she was getting the flu but now it all made sense.

A panicked expression crossed Steve's face when he looked down upon the file. That was the only answer she needed and her stomach dropped so hard she had to double over as nausea threatened to empty the contents of her stomach.

"Where did you –"

"You knew." She pushed him away, betrayal seeping like ice through her veins. She felt cold and she shook so hard her teeth clicked together. She couldn't get enough air into her lungs and her vision swam. "You knew I was pregnant."

"I did know but we didn't tell you because it would have been too much." He continued to talk but she barely heard him over the ringing in her ears. Her hands went to her stomach as a wave of inertia passed over her.

"You were about 9 weeks along. Your body had to compromise." He echoed the words on the sheet of paper in her hands. "Your job did that to you –"

Rory held up her hand to silence him as the world spun.

"So not only are you trying to control my life but you lied to me?" She looked at him with disgust. "You deliberately didn't tell me I was pregnant because you thought I couldn't handle it. How dare you!" Her voice was loud but it shook like she'd never heard it before. "How dare you assumed you know what's going on in my head, Steve." She spat, her fingers curling into the fabric of her shirt over her stomach, digging into the soft flesh there.

"Sweetheart, we figured it would be best." He reached for her but she pulled away.

"STOP THINKING YOU KNOW WHAT'S BEST." She shrieked at him, backing away from him. "You don't know what's best for me. You never have. If I hadn't been taken, how long would it have been before you started telling me what I could and couldn't do? Hmm?" She sneered at him, her lip curling in disgust. "I hate you. I hate you and I hate Peggy and I hate Dugan."

The words came from her mouth before she could stop them but she spit so much venom with them that he physically recoiled.

Pregnant. I was Pregnant. The words repeated over and over in her head and the room spun around her. She gulped down deep lungful's of air and before she knew it, Steve was in front of her trying to get her to sit on the ground.

"Get the fuck away from me." She spat, shoving him hard in the ribs. "I don't ever want you to come near me again, you hear me?" She couldn't see where he was through her blurred vision but that was probably for the best. If she'd seen the broken look on his face she probably would have stayed.

As it was she didn't see. Instead she pushed past him, right back out of the door she'd just come through. It slammed behind her and she prayed he wouldn't follow.

She took off down the street at a run, ignoring the way the cold air burned her lungs.

She was numb inside, too disgusted to feel anything.

She hopped a cab at the end of the street, knowing he'd be following her any minute. She took it to Arthur's house and in the blink of an eye she was hammering on his door, needing him to open up and tell her that he hadn't known.

"What in the bloody – Aurora?" Arthur opened the door with wide and surprised eyes. She fell into his arms, sobbing against his chest.

"Please tell me you didn't know?" She breathed as he tugged her inside and closed the door.

"Jesus love, you're freezing. Where are you shoes and your jacket?" He rubbed her arms.

"Arthur! Please, tell me you didn't know I was pregnant."

Arthur froze and they both almost tumbled over.

"You were what?" His voice was so soft that she knew immediately he hadn't known.

"They kept it from me; Steve, Peggy, Dugan…" She rattled off names and sobbed in between. "I was pregnant." A small laugh left her lips. "I was pregnant and they didn't tell me."

Arthur's grip tightened on her shoulders and he blinked in surprise. He tugged her closer to the fire, seating them both on his sofa.

"I… that's…. what the fuck?"

She nodded. "That doesn't even begin to cover what I'm feeling right now."

"They kept it from you?"

"I'm so sorry, love." He pulled her into his side and kissed her temple. "Do you know why?"

"Steve said it was for my benefit." She replied, her voice small and sad. Her face screwed up again and she started sobbing all over again. "I can see why." She reasoned after am minute. "I can see why but that doesn't make it ok. They lied to me! Again!" She realized with a cold sweat.

"Too right it is. Bloody hell, how long were you sleeping with Steve for if you were pregnant. – OW!" Rory thumped his arm.

"Not the time." She growled and he chuckled.

"I'm sorry love. Really I am." He murmured against her hair.

They sat like that in silence for a minute until her phone rang in her hand.

Grandma Calling.

She was tempted to send it to voice mail, tempted to ignore it. She was furious with her grandparents. Did they think she was stupid? Did they honestly think she would never find out? After the lies they'd kept from her her entire life she had no idea how they thought not telling her about her own pregnancy was a good thing to do.

She picked up the call.

"What?" She snapped, not even sure why she was answering.

"Aurora, I am so sorry you had to find out like this." Her grandmother's voice was also broken and she knew she'd been crying too. Steve must have called her and told her everything.

"Sorry I had to find out at all? How long were you going to keep this from me?" She asked, her voice taking on a hysterical edge again. Arthur squeezed her shoulders. "How long, Grandma? I can't believe you'd do this to me!"

"Please Aurora, we did it because we wanted to protect you…"

"Protect me from what?!" She shrieked, the sobs coming again. She was grateful for Arthur's warmth because she wasn't sure she could do this alone.

"Yourself, my darling. You'd been through so much. You almost died. We, I, decided that it was best if you didn't know. At least not right away." Peggy's voice shook as she spoke.

"When would be the right time to bring that up?" Rory mumbled in response. "Honestly, when would you have a chance to bring that up? That's not something that will be taken lightly no matter if I'm told right after I died or right now."

"I wasn't thinking about that at the time." Peggy cried softly. If Aurora's heart hadn't already been broken it would have then. "Please, hate me all you want but don't hate Steve,"

"Steve can go to hell." Aurora snarled. "He's lied to me, tried to control me, I… I hate him." Her voice was full of venom and her body shook.

"You don't mean that –"

"I damn well do and right now, I hate you. I hate you so much that I don't think I will ever see you again."

"Steady on, love." Arthur murmured against her temple. "That's your grandma…"

Peggy let out a gasp and a sob and there was a muffled sound as the phone was dropped.

Then it was picked up.

"Aurora, sweetheart come home. We need you to come home." Her grandfather, whose voice had once filled her with such love and pride only made her lip curl.

"Go to hell." She muttered before she clicked off the phone.

"Are you sure that was the right thing to do?" Arthur asked in a quiet voice.

"Yes." She replied tersely, dropping the phone on the coffee table. She sat for a moment and thought about what her next move was. This was it. This was the perfect reason to take the mission Fury had on offer. That was the only reason he'd dug up her medical file, after all. He had known they were hiding something that would tear them apart and he was right.

"What's going on in your head, love?" Arthur broke the silence, tapping her on the side of the head. She turned and looked at him, sucking in a deep breath.

"I've been offered a mission to go undercover and find Hydra and I think I'm going to take it." She said with a steady voice. She knew what she had to do now. She knew why she was perfect for it. Once word got out that she hated her family and everything SHIELD stood for, Hydra would find her. They would claim her as a victory. It could take months or years but she had nothing left here now anyway. What did it matter?

"Don't be silly." Arthur muttered, shaking his head.

"It's literally perfect. Fury was right –"

"Fury?" Arthur snarled. "Fury probably orchestrated this for his own gain. Don't you dare be so daft and take this mission. It's dangerous."

"There's a chance Hydra won't even bite!"

"There's a chance they will." Arthur grabbed his friend by the tops of her arms and stared right into her pretty eyes. "You're in no state of mind to be double crossing anyone, love. Please, please don't take the mission."

She smiled at him, her hands coming up to cup his face. "I really am Arthur. I'm more than ok." She swallowed. "I can't stay here. I can't trust him." She looked at the engagement ring on her finger and shuddered. "I can't trust my family. I want to work. It's the only thing I know that I can 100% do."

Arthur took her hands.

"Can I join you on the mission? Help you out?" He asked hopefully and Rory was struck by just how much the silly man loved her. Not romantically but he would go into a mission blind to make sure she was ok.

"I don't think you can." She shook her head, looking up at him. Her eyes brimmed with tears again. "It's in Australia –."

"Australia!?"

"- and I couldn't pull you away from Darcy like that. –"

"You can't go to Australia! Don't be so –"

"I'll be ok. I promise." She squeezed his hands, smiling at him. It was settled. This was what she was going to do. "I can't stay here."

Arthur ran his hand through his sandy colour hair and gave a groan.

"Australia is a bit far away, love." He tried to reason but she shook her head.

"But Arthur, don't you see? Hydra will want me now and I can tear those bastards apart from the inside." Rory replied fiercely. Arthur squeezed his eyes shut.

"Please, love. If you do this, promise me you'll ask for help if you need it?" He begged and she grinned. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He was her knight in shining armor as he had always been. She loved that silly Brit more than anything else.

"If you're on my team, Arthur then of course I will but you can't tell a soul." She kissed his cheek, the sorrow in her chest lifting with the prospect of her mission. She leant back, pulling out her phone.

"You're asking me to lie to my family." He said in a soft voice and she paused.

"I know and I'm sorry." She nodded, her finger poised over the buttons. "But you can't. They'll blow my cover. I can't fail this, Arthur." She shook her head, watching as he thought about what she was saying. She held her breath. She was asking him to do something he would never in a million years want to do. She felt like the worst person in the world.

He let out sigh.

"They've lied to you more times than I can ever count and look where it got you?" He looked defeated, as if struggling with the idea that she was right. "I won't tell them unless I have to, ok? If you're in trouble or you need my help, I'm going to them immediately." He stared her down as if waiting for the argument but she nodded once.

"That's ok." She agreed and hit dial on her phone.

It rang only once.

"Fury. I accept my mission." She said with a slight excitement in her voice. "When can I leave?"

"Peg, it's Steve." His voice was strained when Peggy had picked up the phone. Aurora had been out of the door for 10 minutes and he'd been 5 minutes too late to catch her. He had no idea where she'd gone and he didn't know what else to do.

"Steve? What's going on?" Peggy knew something was up the moment he opened his mouth. Her voice was tense and worried, not one ounce of confusion there at all.

"Aurora knows." He muttered. He heard Peggy gasp. He didn't have to explain any more than that.

"How?"

"She had an intact file. Didn't tell me where she got it but my bet is on Fury." Steve's lungs felt devoid of air. His life was shattered. She hated him and she had every right to. He'd lied to her. Kept something so personal from her. Now he paid the price.

"Where is she now?"

"I don't know. She's not answering my calls. She disappeared out the door and I was going to give her some space so I didn't follow her." He let out a small laugh, as bitter and as cold as the winter day around him. "She's mad as hell. Madder than I've ever seen her." His eyes stung. "She hates me Peg."

"She doesn't hate you. She's mad, but she doesn't hate you." Peggy soothed but Steve shook his head.

"You didn't see her face. You didn't see her eyes. This is it, we're over." His heart was breaking. They'd been fighting so much in recent weeks, about everything and nothing all at once. The last two days had been better, since he'd relented and decided to help her rejoin SHIELD but the fighting had still happened and tensions were still high. This was the straw that broke the camels back and he hated himself for it.

"Let me call her to talk to her. I'm sure I can figure something out… She'll either have gone to Beth or Arthur so check with them, ok?" Peggy's voice brought him back and he nodded, glancing up and down their street again. "It'll be ok, Steve."

As the line clicked off, he somehow doubted that.

A knock sounded at the door a little around 6 and he jumped to his feet, stumbling over them in his haste to get to the door. He threw it open, expecting to find Aurora but found Beth instead.

"Beth?"

"Steve I… have something for you." The woman said as she tugged on her scarf. In her hand was an envelope and Steve's heart stopped when he recognized the handwriting on the front. "It's from Aurora –"

"You've seen her!?" Steve asked, his eyes wide. Beth nodded, still standing uncertainly on the stoop.

"Yes, briefly. She gave me this, didn't stay, was gone before I could catch her..." She frowned as she held the envelope out. The question was evident on her face but she didn't ask. He didn't answer. Instead he just took the envelope with shaking fingers and held it tightly.

"Did you want to come in?" Steve asked absently and Beth chewed on her lip.

"Do you want me to?" She asked and he nodded. He had a feeling he didn't want to be alone when he read whatever letter she had send. Her pretty script was on the front of the envelope and just looking at that made his ears ring.

He went into the kitchen and stood by the bench. Beth stood opposite, chewing on her nail. The sound of ripping paper was loud and echoed around them. He sucked in a breath and pulled out the letter.

Something fell out and hit the floor with a tinkling clang as he ripped open the paper and he bent to pick it up.

His stomach dropped when his fingers closed over his mothers ring.

Tears blurred his vision as he looked at the paper.

Steve it started and it took him a minute to read further than that.

I feel like a coward writing this but I have no other choice. I didn't know whether I could articulate my feelings properly if I had to face you so I wrote them down. I'm trying very hard to understand why you thought keeping this from me was a good idea but right now I just can't. Maybe one day I will but I'm hurt and angry and I feel betrayed. You were supposed to be on my side. You were supposed to be the one who never kept things from me but your loyalties still remain with my grandparents and that hurts almost as much as finding out I was pregnant.

We lost a child. I lost a child and I had no idea. I feel like there's a hole in the middle of my heart that wasn't there before and I don't know how to fix it. I'm hoping time and distracting myself will help me.

Please don't come after me. I really need to be alone right now, far away from the horror that happened. Everytime I look at you I'm reminded about what we went through and I'm sure you are too. I think time will do us good. I know I'll miss you in time but I have to go and do what I need to do right now to heal.

You broke my heart. I wasn't lying when I said I hated you.

Your mother's ring is enclosed. It didn't feel right keeping it. So I guess you were right after all. I need to step away from SHIELD to clear my head and sadly this includes you.

I don't really know how to end this other than with I love you and keep yourself safe.

I'll be back when I'm ready.

Take care Steve,
Always,
Aurora.

It took him 5 tries to read the words and then another 10 to understand.

She was gone. She didn't say where or for how long but she was gone and she'd left behind his mothers ring because she didn't want to be with him anymore.

Hell, could he blame her?

He crumpled the paper up and tossed it aside, his fist closing around the ring. This was hurting him far more than he'd ever expected but he only had himself to blame.

"Steve?" Beth's small voice brought him back and he looked at her to find her face wet with tears, the letter in her hand. "She's gone, isn't she?" She asked, her voice wavering. "Why would you keep that from her?"

Steve nodded. "Because we thought it was the right thing to do." He said miserably. He hated himself. Well and truly hated himself and he was numb from head to toe.

"I'm so sorry, Steve." Beth wept before wrapping her arm around his middle and hugging him tightly. He stiffened in the embrace before emotions washed over him and he sagged. He needed this right now. He needed comfort and support or else he might do something reckless.

They stood like that for a few moments before he pulled away.

"C'mon, we need to go visit a few people to get to the bottom of this." He cleared his throat, dropping the ring onto the counter. He turned his back on it, giving Bis a quick pat on the head before grabbing the keys to his bike.

Beth followed him.

"Are you sure you want me to come?" She asked and he turned to her, handing her a helmet.

"I'm gonna be honest, Beth. If you don't I can't guarantee I'll be smart about things." He replied and her mouth fell open in a small 'O' of surprise.

"Right." She nodded slowly, tucking her dark curls under the helmet. "I don't think I'm qualified for this." She murmured as she swung her leg over the back of the bike. Steve gave a bark of a laugh.

"You're a Commando legacy. You're more than qualified, Jones."

He revved the engine and took off, his first destination: The new SHIELD offices on the Lower West Side.

He parked on the street and went inside, Beth following behind him. She was a sweet girl, Beth. Funny and kind, and he'd seen her strength often in the short time he'd known her. He was glad he wasn't doing this alone because he felt unstable. He felt lost. Aurora was gone and it was his fault. She was hurting, and it was his fault. He was responsible for what they were losing – or had lost.

His temper flared as he hammered on the door to Fury's office, Beth apologizing to the assistant at the desk as they blazed on past. Steve pushed the door open and went inside without waiting for a response, finding Fury behind his desk on the far side of the room.

"Captain Rogers, how nice of you to drop by." Fury deadpanned, looking up from whatever he was working on.

"Where is she, Fury?" Steve demanded, wasting no time in cutting to the chase.

"I'm assuming you're talking about Agent Dugan?" Fury asked and Steve's fists tightened. "Am I supposed to know?"

"Well I know she's been in contact with you recently about a job… The letter she left me told me she'd been to see you recently so yeah, I think you are supposed to know." Steve snapped, his arms crossed across his chest as he stared down at the man he'd once respected.

"Well I don't. She was here this morning and when I told her we couldn't reinstate her yet, she quit." Fury pushed a sheet of paper across the mahogany of the desk and Steve looked down at it.

She'd quit? He took the paper and sure enough it was a letter of resignation with her signature along the bottom. His frown deepened and he looked at Fury.

"Why?" He demanded.

"Like I said, I wouldn't give her the job back." Fury sighed, shaking his head. "I told her I couldn't reinstate her so soon. She needed to recover. She didn't take it well."

Steve sat on the chair, the wind out of his sails.

"Did you give her the medical file? The intact one?" He asked. Fury's eyes widened with surprise.

"She found a copy?" He asked and Steve's stomach fell.

"I don't know how but yes… and she knows and she hasn't taken it well." He admitted and Fury ran a hand over his head as he processed the news.

"That isn't good."

"No." Steve shook his head. "Beth delivered a message to me from her, telling me that she has to leave to figure out her priorities…"

"Where would she go?" Fury asked, pressing a few buttons on his desktop. The screens around them changed, a world map taking up the space.

"I honestly don't know. Can you put people on it? Try and find her?" He asked. He felt so helpless. He honestly had no idea where she would go. He was going to try and call her family to see if they'd heard from her but he doubted she would go to them. If she knew her grandparents had kept it from her, she might also think her siblings knew too. "I'm going to Stark next to see what he can do, or if he knows anything."

"Keep me updated please, Rogers." Fury nodded. "But I'm sure she'll be ok. She's not a dumb woman and she's never been prone to making mistakes."

"She's having a mental break, Fury. She's not going to be ok if she doesn't stop." He growled, harsher than he thought he'd be. "We need to find her."

He stood, sweeping out of the door and collecting Beth on the way.

"No luck?" She asked in a small, worried voice. Steve shook his head sharply.

"No. She quit SHIELD. Fury wouldn't reinstate her." Steve replied. Beth gasped.

"Where would she go?" She wondered aloud and Steve shrugged. He was absolutely at a loss as to where Aurora would run and in such a short amount of time as well. He would get to the bottom of this, he wouldn't rest until he did.

"I don't know but I'm going to start with Stark. Tony is always boasting that he can find anyone. Let's see him put his money where his damn mouth is."

"What do you mean, 'she's missing'?" Tony's brow was furrowed deeply as he looked up from the piece of armor he was working on. Steve had wasted no time in finding his friend in the labyrinth that was the tower, citing to Jarvis that if he didn't take him to Tony immediately he would tear the place apart. Jarvis' in built lie detector had signalled nothing but the truth in his voice so Jarvis had done as told.

"I mean, she went to Fury and quit her job and is now gone." Steve told him, not knowing how Tony would react to the actual reason as to why Aurora had left.

"What kicked this off?" Tony asked, straightening up. Steve let out a frustrated sigh.

"Can you find her, Stark, or not?"

"Sure. As soon as you tell me why she's suddenly disappeared." Tony shrugged a shoulder and leant against his workbench. Steve's fists clenched.

"Fury wouldn't let her have her job back so she quit." He said and Tony pulled a face.

"Yes but what else? She's not so volatile to just run away because someone said no." He asked, pointing out what they all already knew about the woman in question. Steve narrowed his gaze.

"None of your business. Now find her."

Tony sighed, folding his arms across his chest.

"What did you do?" He sighed, a smirk crossing his lips. Steve scowled.

"Nothing."

"Trust me, Rogers. Whatever you've done, I've done worse." Tony cracked a grin. Steve groaned. He only wished that were true. "She can't have gone far. Have you checked with her grandparents?"

"She's… not talking to them either." Steve admitted. He rubbed a hand over his face as Tony jerked in surprise.

"Wait, she's actually gone gone? And she's not talking to you or her grandparents?" He asked, his voice instantly serious. "What the hell happened?"

"She… found out that she had a miscarriage… back when she was rescued." The pain in Steve's voice was very real and very raw and Tony was silent for a long moment. "The doc said her body had to compromise after everything it had been through. After she'd – " He couldn't finish his sentence and silence hung in the air.

"Why didn't you tell her?" He asked softly. There was no recognizable emotion in his words and Steve was glad he was remaining impassive for the moment.

"Because she was recovering. She had enough to comprehend with what happened to her to add to that." He replied, dropping his hands to his sides. "And then she found out. We fought, obviously, and she left."

"And you didn't go after her?" Tony sounded surprised. His hand fell heavily onto Steve's shoulders and Steve was grateful for the comfort.

"We've… fought before and she's left. She's usually ended up at Beth's –" He gestured to the silent woman behind them. Tony glanced at his colleague and friend who was waiting silently in the doorway.

"Have you seen her?" He asked and Beth shook her head.

"Yes, she dropped it off to me but she didn't stick around. I tried to follow her but she's fast and she was gone before I really figured it out." Beth replied. "I didn't know anything was wrong until I got to Steve's."

"Ok, so now we need to eliminate where she would be." Tony clapped his hands, rubbing them together. "Have you tried Arthur?"

"I tried to call." Beth replied and Steve glanced at her. "Just then, while you two were talking but I got his voice mail."

"Darcy?"

"I called her next. She hasn't seen her either." Beth shook her head.

Steve's stomach churned as he watched Tony pull up his computer to the big screen.

"Jarvis." He tapped the keys and Steve watched the screen change.

"Yes sir?"

"Track Agent Dugan's phone. She has a Stark Phone. I should be able to latch onto it." He explained. There was a moment of silence.

"Sir, it appears that the Stark Phone Agent Dugan has on her person has been disabled." Jarvis responded and Steve swore under his breath.

"Damn her." Tony muttered under his breath and he thought for a beat. "Credit cards, plane tickets, hell use traffic cams to scan for her number plate." He ordered the AI. Tony squeezed Steve's shoulder tightly again. "We'll find her. She can't have gone far. Missing since, what? 6? It's 8 now so that's 2 hours. Even driving she wouldn't make it too far. We'll find her Steve."

Steve nodded, his movements feeling stiff. He hoped she hadn't gone far. His world was shattering around him. He needed her back. Even if she didn't want him back, he just needed to know she was ok. That she was safe.

After 5 weeks, 2 days and 8 hours they came to a dead end. There was no paper trail to follow, no digital trail that Stark could tap into. She was gone. Natasha followed a lead that lead her to Fiji in the South Pacific but it came up cold. Agent Aurora Dugan was gone and no one could find her.

"You can't give up, Steve." Clint clapped a hand to his friends shoulder as they stood in the kitchen of the empty house Steve had sold.

"She wants to be left alone, Barton. I'm not giving up, I'm following her orders." Steve spat back, tipping up the beer bottle to drain it completely. He was grieving and lost but he was angry.
Angry that she never gave him a chance to listen or explain.

Angry that she'd walked out on him again.

Angry that she was gone.

Angry that she hadn't made contact with anyone, not even her sisters or Arthur. She was just gone without a trace and he felt sick trying not to think about what might have happened to her.

"You're gonna keep looking, right?" Beth asked in a small voice, wiping her hands on a dishcloth.

"I'll keep looking but Aurora will be found when she wants to be found." He shrugged. "I'm not giving up I'm just waiting. Giving her the space she so desperately wants."

"How long do you think it'll take?" Tony asked, peering down at his phone. "I've got $100 on 6 months." Steve shot him a withering glare.

"$200 on a year." Clint spoke up after a minute and Tony grinned. Steve didn't find it funny. He would die if she were gone for a full year. He ran a hand over his face and walked through their home one last time before he left it.

He'd taken the offer with SHIELD to work out of D.C. as a consultant. He'd fly back to New York if he was needed with The Avengers but he had to keep himself occupied, he couldn't just sit and wither away waiting for her. SHIELD was offering him plenty to do and good pay to do it.

"She'll come back, Rogers." Natasha's voice was almost as soft as her footsteps as she approached him in the living room. She stood next to him, her arm coming around her waist and her head coming to rest on his shoulder. "I understand what she's going through, wanting to hide away and ignore the world. I did it once… So she will come back."

Steve sighed and rested his arm around his friends shoulders.

"How long were you gone for?" He asked.

"A year." She replied and Clint's bet made sense.

"Was he ok?" He asked, referring to Clint and Natasha knew this.

"He wasn't at first but then he was. It took time but he moved on. You will too." She looked up at him and smiled. "You've got a team and a family. You're not alone. You're both gonna be ok."

Steve took her promise to heart, nodding and dropping to press his lips to her hair.

Only time would tell what would happen with Aurora now and he wouldn't ever stop looking for her, but Natasha was right. He had his team and his friends and a family.

He wasn't alone.

Author's note:

That's it folks. For the first story at least. I will be taking a break to work on #2 and I've given myself a deadline of 4th July to have it done. I have twitter (at raeisawriter) for you to follow progress if you want. You're always welcome to shoot me a message here to ask how I'm doing.

Be sure to put me on author alerts too so you know exactly when it's out. I'm purposely left it on a cliffhanger so I have a reason to write the second one. I have big things in store for Aurora and Steve and I hope you come back for the next one.

Thank you for all your support, particularly ArmyDT42, Supesfan18 & Counting Sinful Stars. I enjoyed all of your reviews and I appreciated every single one of them. I know there are more reviewers than I'm remembering and please note I loved every single thing you guys had to say.

If you liked this story please please PLEASE share it around, tell people, tumblr it, tweet it and enjoy it. It means the world to me to know people like my writing. Thank you again and I promise I will be throwing up bits and pieces between this and the next. I have a few short stories I've worked on to have a bit of fun with.

Thanks again,

Rae.

at raeisawriter

Playlist:

Control - Halsey

Tear you Apart - She Wants Revenge

Ready or Not - Mischa "Book" Chillak

Dark Times - The Weekend, Ed Sheeran